EP 35: Emotional Freedom Technique with Emma Wildgoose

As a veteran in navigating the world of neurodiversity in a UK education system , i've uncovered a wealth of misinformation Alongside many answers and solutions that were never taught to me in medical school or in any of the parenting handbooks . Each week on this podcast , i will be bringing the experts to your ears to empower you on your parenting crusade .

In this episode we will be joined by Emma Wildguss , nutritionist , coach and EFT therapist , who will help us to understand the power of EFT , which stands for emotional freedom technique , or otherwise known as tapping , and how its success in treating anxiety and post-traumatic stress can be applied to our neurodiverse children and also to us parents .

So welcome , emma . It is such a pleasure to have you on the Send Parenting Podcast today .

I am just so excited or should I really say intrigued to learn more about EFT , which is emotional freedom technique for those listening , which I didn't know about either , but it's also known as tapping and it's also known as psychological acupuncture , which I think for me kind of clarified it a bit more But how it can support neurodiverse kids and their parents to

manage their emotions , to manage their emotional competency . I'm absolutely fascinated to unpick this topic , so thank you for coming on the show today .

And what it is , i think , depends on your frame of reference , i suppose really . So there is a strong Eastern medicine sort of route to this and now a strong Western medicine sort of route , if you like . So the Eastern medicine belief is that we're tapping on acupressure points which are the end of meridians .

So these meridians run through the body , they carry energy and we tap on them to sort of unknot the line , so where sort of emotions get stuck . That's the Eastern medicine route .

As a sort of biologist and a scientist myself , i tend to sort of veer a bit more towards the Western medicine route , which tapping takes into sort of account two different areas , i suppose . So there is a talking part to it and then there is a tapping part to it . The talking part is it's about defining an emotion . So what is the emotion first ?

So acknowledging that emotion , accepting that emotion , describing that emotion within the body , so that , i suppose , is part of emotional competence or the first parts of sort of emotional regulation . The tapping part is then using acupressure points to tap on the body which deactivates the stress response .

The magic comes in when those two things come together , which is sort of bringing up the emotion , i suppose , which is housed in sort of the the olympic system of the brain , if you like , bringing the tapping into it which deactivates the stress response , which is the same part of the brain , and then what you get is the emotion is almost like the intensity is

taken out of that emotion , if that makes sense . So , you then reduce the intensity of the emotion , which starts to change your thoughts , your behavior , sort of everything , i suppose really So difficult to explain , but flick on there .

So yeah , you're absolutely right .

So a lot of the emotions or issues that are held are with the parent , not just with the child , and sometimes I never get the actual child because most of the issues are with the parent . So it's quite interesting .

Yes , i've often never got to some children because the parents realise actually most of the well , yeah , the issues are with them and not their child .

They come and see you and you say , well , first time I'm going to start with you . Yes , How does that go over ?

I often think they go into it thinking which I also said to you before , before we got on the podcast . I went into EFT thinking I had no baggage . Lo and behold , i did . So I think a lot of parents actually do come into it thinking , no , this is nothing to do with me , this is all with my child .

But as soon as you start sort of unraveling things , i think people become very aware that actually a lot of the beliefs and emotions that they hold are affecting the relationship with their child . It's also that whole thing about , you know , emotional dysregulation meets emotional dysregulation , and that's where the conflict lies .

So if you can get yourself into a better emotionally regulated stay , you are in a better place to be that good , you know , solid parent to that child . So it makes sense . Really it makes complete sense .

So so you , you , you , you do kind of like a counseling or coaching session with them , or how do you pull up the emotions that you're going to use and then tap with Yeah it's a good question .

Now that can be anything , but you know , let's say I was dealing with a parent with a neurodiverse child , then I want to hear their story . I want to hear what they , their beliefs , their feelings , their everything . Once we've got the story and that is just your story underneath that are all the emotions that you feel .

So then we would start to start to look at those emotions and start to tap with some of those emotions and see where that takes us .

Because the other thing about tapping , like you said , in terms of deactivating that stress response , you might start with an emotion that you define as anger , let's say , and you feel it in your chest and it you know it has a color or whatever it might be .

We might tap on that And then , once the the intensity of the anger comes out of the situation , you realize actually it's not anger , there's another emotion behind that , the anger is masking that emotion . You maybe feel great sadness And then we move on to sadness And so you sort of peel back the layers of an onion to see what's really there .

And Because the other lovely thing is that , yes , it's very lovely for me to work with your child , but it's super lovely for you to work with your child that that's yeah , that's what I love to see that you take this tool home and you use it with your child . So , yeah , it's portable as well .

Yeah , it's all going anyway , so you can take it with you wherever you go .

And I have a gorgeous example of a lovely little girl I work with with ADHD and and It was a fantastic tool for her and she started to take it into school and she started to tell her teachers about it and Then , if she was upset or anything at school , her teachers would know about it .

They would do tapping with her and then , even just a couple of weeks ago , they said , oh , we've got a little girl in year two who's super anxious . Would you teach her tapping ? So it's a gorgeous Wow to really empower children . I suppose they've always got it .

It's never going anywhere , they've got something to hand at all times and they can share it with others , which is really lovely .

to have a tool of how to deal with that It's , and then it will change . You know , suddenly you're chasing the monster on the body . And then I had one girl . It was lovely where it ended up in the end of her little little finger . That's where it was . It reduced and it was there and the end of the session She went . I've just blown it away .

This is lovely , really lovely , absolutely amazing .

can you describe a little bit about how how it actually affects the body from a physiological perspective ?

I suppose it drops cortisol by something like 37 percent . I mean it's huge in terms of you know Markers on that front . It boosts immune markers by something like 112 percent . You know it has real physical Benefits , i suppose , to the body , boost happiness , that reduces depression , so yeah .

So they've really managed now to get some real sort of biological markers That they've managed to measure against EFT , which is amazing . So yeah , it really is good for the , for the body and the mind .

as well .

So , yeah , i , i think you know , my real feeling is that it will gain momentum as more and more scientific evidence comes to the fore on it .

school and she says she used to Obviously have children in and talk to them , but she said the volumes of children coming in are now so huge and her time is so small That the only thing that she can do which is instant and effective is talk with them all . So she would talk with them all all day long . Um , but you're absolutely right .

I just think it's a I mean , amazing tool for schools to have and to even do , you know , like you say at the start of the day , or run sessions on it , or Even just the emotional competency part of it , never mind the tapping is , yeah , a brilliant , brilliant kids , and actually so much of what you have to deal with with adults is What are termed core

issues . So these are issues that go right back to childhood . So I always think , well , god , if we start to enjoy it , we wouldn't have all these issues that we've now got age 40 , 50 , whatever it is . So if we were dealing with them as and when they happened rather than let them manifest into huge , great , big problems , then , yeah , you're right .

Because I know you had some specific examples of how you know it can really Breakthrough or help with some of the challenges that they have .

I mean , i'd love there to be some scientific evidence here and I'd love someone to run and study on this , but to me it really seems that neurodiverse children have , shall we say , a quite a sensitive or vulnerable central nervous system . So it's quite on age . It feels like it's looking for threat At every corner .

And just to create that safety within their body , the tapping does to sort of deactivate that stress response seems to be huge for them . So when I tap with children it's incredibly physical . You know , they can be sat there quite one inch to start with and then they are literally yawning . The relaxation that comes across their body is it's phenomenal .

It really is . In fact , sometimes when I work with children they might have to go off to a sports club after we have to do some energy something before they go , because it's so relaxed . We just sort of G them up a bit again , but it just seems to create this sort of immense calm .

And then I think on top of that and again I think this is probably my understanding is that neurodiverse children are living in a world that isn't necessarily designed for them . So the emotions then , particularly of things like frustration , things like that , can be much , much bigger .

So working with those types of emotions for them , just to sort of bring them down slightly , i think is super helpful for them . But I think on top of that we do live in a world now , i think , where we are much better at allowing children's emotions , but to have a practitioner sit in front of and I use exactly the child's words .

So for a child , I think , to be heard entirely by an adult , for an adult to listen to every single feeling they have , allow them to describe all those feelings and then do something to help them with those feelings , i think is really quite powerful . I didn't realise just the being heard part for a lot of these children I think is really huge actually .

Because , those emotions are big things like frustration or sadness or anger . they're big And we do , i think , as parents try to hear that , but sometimes that's quite hard . So I think for a separate adult to hear that and validate it is quite powerful .

think , because then we're more comfortable to sit with the reflection of the child's emotions rather than the massively triggering us , because it takes us back to that place where we , where it wasn't accepted when we were younger . You know , if you couldn't read as a dyslexic at school years ago , you were made to read Macbeth every single day .

I certainly was , and so it then brings back that entire trauma . Yes , for us . So I think again really important to work with the adult first and then the child again .

be banging your head against the desk at school And you know you're harming yourself . So if you could redirect that into a tapping kind of atmosphere , it would work really well . Yes , definitely .

But I would like to see more .

So if I was running an online session , i I tap on people if they're here in my space , but if I was running an online session with you now , you would tap on yourself And I would tap with you and I get what's called borrowing benefits . So , although we're dealing with you , i get the benefit because I've still I've still relaxed my system .

So whatever stress or tension was going on , i've reduced it . So it's yeah , it's a really robust and user friendly tool , i would say , and cost effective .

That's the way that she felt that you could do it , that you could go in and maybe train the staff and then the staff you know use it with the children .

What you're tending to deal with , i suppose , why Apparent would often come is because that relationship is quite strange as well , maybe no other issues there , and so that's why you're sort of unpacking things with the parents a little bit more . Where is in a school ? That's the other thing with it .

Again , eft can be used as very top level emotions which you would maybe use in the school . Like i just feel a bit sad today . I just feel But you can use it for serious sort of core issues as well that this is a real problem and where is it come from ?

so it's almost got Different years and then you got everything in between so you got different levels . so i would see it in school is just like de stressing Exercise , where is , yes , if you're working with a practitioner , you tend to be working more core issue level yeah , that makes a lot of sense .

it , that you can give to children and just say this is one way that you can Help deal with your emotions , you know it's interesting because , like my daughter school , they're big into the zones of regulation and my daughter quote every zone of regulation i'm red , i'm yellow , are you blue today , mommy ?

How did you know ? so , yes , one is is is knowing that you got the emotion . Where do you go with that ? so i think this is an incredible great Add on or wait at the next step . Okay , i know i'm in the red , or i'm going towards the red . What can i do ? okay , i could .

I could tap on the yes , yeah when i , when i realize that and then take myself to where i can see it and Before it becomes exactly .

You don't need to use any words , okay . So , for example , i use it with my daughter and i use it in two different ways . So i we do something called tap and talk at night .

So that has been brilliant for her night , because she used to be a child that would go to bed and all the worries come out that , if you can tell me where to solve this , and this is gonna be worth its weight in gold for me , because , yes , Okay .

So i i used to put my daughter to bed and we've read all the cbt books , like the watering your tomato plants , and if we keep thinking about this worry , it's just going to grow and grow . So we've tried to tackle it like that and then i got into the tapping and what i do that i mean that it is not rocket science at all .

I allow her to talk , which often comes up with a lot of emotion , and she's lying there talking to me , i tap . So therefore , rather than the emotions growing and growing and growing , they're actually releasing .

So , although the conversation can be quite difficult sometimes , the emotional charge has actually come out and she is one of those children that it just just makes . It puts her to sleep .

So i use it there with her and i also think it's like anything else , that daily practice of it , like anything , means that as soon as i start tapping , her system is that okay , it's time to relax . I know where this goes .

The other , the other area that i do use it is when she is in a big emotion and i used to try and talk her off the ledge , which lets face it .

It's then the story we tell ourselves about the emotion that last . so if we can bring the intensity of the emotion down , step away from the story , there is no she generally . I mean sometimes she can be out of that state within 20 seconds . I used to spend hours trying to talk it out . Why did nobody tell me about this ? why ?

So yeah , i found it really interesting from that . That's where i use it with her . Those two , those two areas i am almost speechless .

yeah yeah , yes yes , because i think there is an element of It's not about the talking , it's not about the higher , whatever cerebral , it's about coming back to yourself , focusing on yeah and bringing yourself back in your body .

Well , my head's generally all over the place , so I can't use it particularly well . I can use my body .

So I think , if there was a time and also I would say this is age dependent when you've started tapping , i don't have quite so much luck with my 16 year old son , i think probably the you know that ship has sailed , which is frustrating .

But I think the younger you can start with these things , where they understand it's a tool to help and then they are open to it . And I'm not suggesting also that it's right for every child . Of course every child has different needs , different things that help , But I think for certain children it can almost be life changing .

It's not a drug , It's not electric shock therapy . It's something that's quite simple and , you know , is not going to cause harm . So if it resonates and these are things you're trying to navigate it's worth it . You know it's worth the try , would be my opinion . You know , Absolutely .

And like you say it might not work for both of your children because one might be too old or resistant . So you find the tools to work , but that's the whole point of this podcast is kind of to introduce people to different things that maybe they haven't had .

I'd heard about it , but not to this level , and I didn't actually even put the pieces together of how it could work with my child . So I think you know that's really fantastic . So thank you for coming and talking to us today .

Now , at the end of the show , i like to ask are there three top takeaway tips that you can give to our listeners that they can put in their back pocket and take away with them after listening to this podcast ?

I think , as a first step , well , taking the two areas of tapping , i suppose allowing your child to name an emotion , acknowledge it and accept it , that's one part of tapping . So you don't need to be doing this all correctly in them , you know , but allowing them to name it , acknowledge it and accept it is the first part of tapping .

If they can draw it and describe it , which they generally can , even better , rather than trying to talk them away from that emotion . Oh , you've got that emotion . What is it ? Please tell me more about . It would be my other one .

And then the other one , which is free and I can certainly quickly show you the tapping points , is tap and talk at night , particularly at night . You don't need to be doing it correctly .

It is a robust process , but just to go round the tapping points which are on the top of your head , inside eye , outside , eye under the eye , under the nose , on the chin , on the collarbone and under the arm , so you don't have to do them all . Lily doesn't like this one , but she likes this one .

So just going round whilst they're talking can sort of reduce the emotion rather than building it up , if you like .

that is really , really , really helpful And it's empowering to have something that can connect , that isn't talking , which doesn't seem to work .

She's going to sleep much easier . If you would like to access the tapping points , please visit our website at wwwsendparentingcom , and if you go to this episode , you can download the free PDF Wishing you and your family a calm week ahead .