¶ Welcome to ADHD August Series
Welcome to the Send Parenting Podcast . I'm your neurodiverse host , dr Olivia Kessel , and , more importantly , I'm mother to my wonderfully neurodivergent daughter , alexandra , who really inspired this podcast .
As a veteran in navigating the world of neurodiversity in a UK education system , I've uncovered a wealth of misinformation , alongside many answers and solutions that were never taught to me in medical school or in any of the parenting handbooks . Each week on this podcast , I will be bringing the experts to your ears to empower you on your parenting crusade .
Welcome back to the third part of the Alexandra ADHD August series . We're diving today into the challenge that so many families face with their children , which is that of sleep . For children with ADHD , bedtime can feel like a nightly battle , from anxious thoughts and restless bodies to waking up again and again and again . It can leave everyone feeling exhausted .
In this episode , alexandra and I will share what our nights used to look like , the turning points that made a difference , including melatonin , and how we finally began to reclaim our rest . If you or your child are struggling with sleepless nights , you're not alone , and there are ways forward .
To help you start this journey , I've created a sleep sheet packed with practical strategies for better rest . You can download it now by visiting our website sendparentingcom . Forward slash sleep or by clicking
¶ Nighttime Struggles with ADHD
the link in the show notes below . So , alexandra , welcome back to our third part in this four-part series . I've been having a lot of great feedback from moms that your last two episodes have really been helpful and people have really enjoyed them .
So I want to thank you for contributing so far and I'm really excited to talk about sleep today , because it really changed a lot in our lives . Can you remember what was sleep like for 11 years ?
Sleep was like a nightmare because I would always wake up in the middle of the night . I would always go into your bedroom and go back to sleep in your bedroom and I would struggle having sleepovers with like other people .
Yeah , and what about going to bed too ? How long did it take us to go to bed ? Like about two hours .
Four hours .
And I mean , you would get really anxious and really worried wouldn't you ?
And anxious , not about a certain thing , it would just be like anxious about it couldn't have to be about a whole randomized thing would make me anxious about anything .
Lots of worries , yeah , and if mommy wanted to go out at night to ?
get a babysitter ? Yeah , no .
And what would happen if , let's say , your grandfather came to try and babysit you ?
Horrible , because he's not that patient of people , so he would just want me to he once I remembered , remembered he wanted me to he . I wasn't going
¶ Before Melatonin: Anxiety and Sleeplessness
to sleep , so he wanted me to stay up and waited for you to get back because I wasn't going to sleep .
Yeah , he called me and he basically said he's he quits as a babysitter because you were . You would start to worry that mommy was not going to be okay and you had all sorts of dark thoughts , huh , like really dark thoughts . And we tried everything . I , you know , we did a bedtime routine . Um , we tried .
We contacted that psychiatrist in America with a sleep hero . We tried everything . I mean , honestly , you slept in my bed until you were about 11 most of the time , and when you slept in my bed you were better sleeping , weren't you ?
Yeah , because I knew that you were right by me . So if something would happen , I would know that you were safe , right by me .
Yeah , and that's also why mommy got an alarm system , wasn't it so that you felt safer ?
Yeah , because my bedroom was right outside , like outside of the road , so I thought someone was going to climb up the window and hurt me when I was sleeping .
Yeah , so a lot of thoughts and it didn't go really well and you know what was really weird is what you know like . So both of us weren't getting good night's sleep . I mean it was really weird is what you know like . So both of us weren't getting good night's sleep , so I mean it would take about two hours on average to get you to go to sleep .
You're going to sleep right now .
That's great .
And then you'd wake up several times a night , which is why mommy often just for us to get a good night's . Will she ever , and you know how , will I ever be able to have a babysitter ? So maybe mommy could go out in the evening . It all seemed like it was never , ever , ever , ever . We weren't ever going to solve it is what it felt like to me .
I remember saying to you like I was jealous of other people who's like oh , our baby's sleep through the night . I'm like my daughter's 11 and she's still not sleeping through the night . But you couldn't help it , could you ?
Yeah , I couldn't help it . And then we just thought that it was just that she wasn't Our normal .
And then the next day . What is it like when you and I don't have enough sleep ?
Nightmare .
A nightmare ? Yeah , because what happens when we don't get enough sleep ?
Angry , a nightmare , yeah , because what happens when we don't get enough sleep . Angry , a lot of tears . And our tolerance is really low yeah .
And if we're both tired , it's even worse , isn't it ? Explosion time . So , it makes life , as we like to say , worse . Huh , yeah , yeah , it does so . Do you remember when we first tried melatonin and I I honestly I had no great hopes . I was like , yeah right , this melatonin stuff is gonna work .
¶ Life-Changing Results with Melatonin
What did you think ? Yeah , right what yeah were you , did you think it would work ?
I didn't really well .
No , I don't know but we tried it and we got . So it was prescribed to us from the clinical psychiatrist . So it was a short acting and long acting , which meant that it would help you to go to sleep and it would help you stay asleep . And the first time it would help you stay asleep and the first time we tried it .
You were asleep within 20 minutes 10 minutes , I know You're right .
Maybe it was even less . I actually came back to make sure you were alive . Do you remember that ? Well , you obviously were asleep .
I was asleep .
But then it kept . So tell us like , what was it like once we started taking melatonin it ?
was so much easier to get to sleep . It was so much easier to stay asleep , and then it was so much easier going up stairs and I would already , when we were watching TV , be yawning and getting tired . And when my head hit that pillow it was really you were ready for bed .
Yeah , it was , I have to say , life-changing , life-changing . And then we'd wake up the next day not tired , recharged and ready for the day recharged and ready for the day . I like that . And then what happens when we forgot the melatonin ?
well , we wouldn't really , because we would set an Alexa reminder but when we did forget it .
I remember when we forgot it and we go upstairs and I was like wait a minute , because we'd been going for so long doing so well , and I was like this reminds me , why are you so anxious ? Why aren't we able to go to sleep ? And I was like , oh no , we forgot the melatonin , so we had to take the melatonin .
Then we set the alexa so what does alexis tell us to do every night ?
alexa , take your movical and melatonin yeah which is my other medication , your fiber medication .
Yeah , after your gut . But I mean , and it's , it's pretty amazing , we take it like an hour , hour and a half before bedtime and five early , yeah , six o'clock , and then it , it kicks in and it works and it's brilliant . And then also now can your grandfather babysit you .
Yes , can other people babysit you .
Other people can babysit me as well because you know you can go to sleep . Sometimes you wake up , we all do .
But even the other night you woke up and went back to sleep yeah , I left my bed and I was like , okay , as usual , I'm going into my mummy's bed .
And then I , and I don't know why , but I just paused and I just thought about it and then I it was like I was sleepwalking , because I basically turned around and went back to bed and I went back to sleep yeah , and , and I mean it is I , I , uh , I can't begin to say how much it's changed my life , because I also need sleep , just like you do , and
then also being able to go out and do some stuff that mommy wants to do has been really , um , opened up my life a lot , because I couldn't leave you . I was always worried to leave you by yourself and it always worried me . And now I know , oh , alexandra's got got this , she can go to sleep and stay asleep .
Yeah , anything that you would say to other kids who struggle with sleep try to take melatonin , because it really helps um and we still do all the other stuff we still get ready for bed . We have um .
We have a routine we sometimes read stories yeah , we read a story in bed , um no , looking at the iphone like yeah , that's true so after dinner we don't have any devices , do we ?
because that ? Stimulates our brain unless you , unless you sneak them . Yeah , for those of you who can't see her face , right now she's got a very cheeky expression on her face because she does sometimes try to steal that device . But we try and calm our brains down before we go to bed and then we have a great meditation , don't we ?
Yeah , by Elaine Martin . We have to be very Strict , strict with it and we have to say Alexa Hayley Martin on Spotify , otherwise it will play something random really weird , but she's good and she's got good stories and it kind of calms .
And it's the same thing every night and you've got a weighted blanket as well . How does the weighted blanket make you feel ?
calm and cosy inside and makes me just fall asleep .
And that's hard to use in the summer when it's hot , but we've used it a lot in the winter . And then the other thing , the
¶ Additional Sleep Strategies That Help
other big thing that I think has been really helpful is tapping . You know when we do it's called emotional freedom technique . Describe that . I'll describe it . So I tap on certain points , but how does it feel when I do that ?
It's like one moment I'm really anxious about something and the next I'm like I remember you saying to me is this magic , mummy ? Yeah , because I didn't even know that it would be . It's kind of weird that it works , isn't it yeah ?
Why does tapping on your head in different points relax you ? But , it really does . So I mean , we use those things as well . So it's not just melatonin , but melatonin was the big thing that kind of really really helped , I think , for us . But we still do the other things as well .
So I think you know , if you haven't and I have to say we did try , because melatonin is prescription only in the UK , but in Europe and America you can buy it over the counter and I had bought it over the counter with some drops but that didn't work as well .
So really getting the prescription one that was the short and fast acting and then getting that advice , we're only on two milligrams , which is pretty low dose of it and it works really well . Um , did you take any for lunch seem ?
to be falling asleep there is uh , you know , and it it kind of wasn't your fault that you were feeling so anxious before you go to sleep was it yeah ? yeah , yeah , yeah . So I think that it's changed our lives and I'm glad we got to share this with people , because it was an 11-year struggle actually finding a way to get you to sleep .
Now , next week is our last episode in this series , alexandra , and then soon you'll be going back to school . Woo-woo , are you excited about that ? Year nine ?
It's a big year , and that kind of brings us into our last topic as well , which we're going to be talking about friendships , rejections , big emotions and kind of , socially , what it feels like to have ADHD sometimes . Yeah , so it'll be kind of a good last episode before you dive back into the social scene at school .
So I want to say a big thank you to you for coming . See you next time . Bye ,
¶ Closing and Next Episode Preview
thank you for listening . Send Parenting Tribe . Sleep can really feel like an endless struggle . I know I've been there and it can be awful . It's just really hard to sometimes find the solutions that you really need . But every small step towards better rest matters and it starts with understanding the different things that are available to you .
So if you're ready to try some new strategies tonight , remember to grab your free sleep sheet . It's filled with practical tips and gentle tools that can help make bedtime less stressful and more restful for the whole family . You can download it at S E N D parentingcom . Forward slash sleep or simply click on the show notes below .