People Judge Us On Our Past | Ron Isherwood Part 2

because I thought I was worth it. Mate. You know, I'm blessed. I really am blessed, and I believe it's because of what I do, not what I've done. You know, when people talking, I get hurt, but I understand it, and then you'd be the same people judge us on our past. It's like breaking into a house with you. You're not fucking there anymore. You can keep breaking to that house. There's nothing in there, you dickhead. Why are you breaking into that house? I'm not there, you know.

It's just really really And people say to me, mate, you can't blame it, you know that you did it. I said, yeah, But fucking how many times do I have to be convicted for the same crime? How much punishment do I have to have? I'm not a victim, But for fuck's sake, you know, like, get over it. Like your girlfriend leaves you, you hate her forever, you hope that she has a good life. Pissed off for a couple of months till the next one comes along, and then we get on with it. Society is not

built that way. That's the sad part I think that I find for me is that people want to judge me on my past. And I swear, I swear to God, I swear to whoever it is. If you put down all the shit things I've done and all the good things I've done, I'm fucking I'm pretty far ahead, mate, I really am, you know. And it's yeah, And I do believe in karma. I believe in you do good, good comes back. I don't believe it in bad kara. And you know, I believe bad karma is there. But

I believe in karma and karmas. What you put out is what you get back. And I love what you're doing because I think it's important that we put a message out there that people do change, we can change, and we have changed, and that we're not all tired with the same brush. Just because we did bad things

didn't mean more bad people. That's a really important thing because for years I thought I was a bad person, and I was never a bad person, made ays, had a good heart, you know, and you know, and as I said earlier, this thing my favorite saying about most people. It's not hard a gold head of spaghetti, because that's that's the trouble. And my job is done travel with spaghetti. When I work with people in drug addiction, my job

is don't travel this spaghetti, you know. And today we've gone into helping people that have been abused in institutions you know where to be, jails, churches, schools, fucking boy scouts. It doesn't matter what it is. We've taken over. I've basically taken over from Russell, but not social media. Your bullshit. Don't make me wearing the tide shorts. I told him I could have a fit into that shorts too small for me. But all that stuff, you know, I believe

you know, he brought that up. Russell brought that was he he set that up because of his own abuse. Most guys that have had really troubled youths were abused in some way or another. So it doesn't have to be just sexual. Can be physical, spiritual, emotional. It's all abuse, abuses abuse. I was told I was worthless, useless and habeless, and I tried to prove them right for a long long time. And today I believe I'm worthy, I'm useful,

and I'm a really good human burning It's nice. It's nice to be able to say to yourself, yeah, okay, you're okay, You're not a bad blake. You know you he had, he had a roughed up. You don't going to fight at the first round. You've to fight at the end of the end of the right, you know what I mean. The race has got to be finished before you go judging something. You know who the winner, knew the loser was. And my past has made me who I am today. I can't change it. I can

accept it, not going to learn from it. I have some parts of my past that I'm really grateful for, even for my scumbag father. I have some pass his tenacity. You know, I won't give up. I will never give up. I will never, ever, ever fucking surrender. I won't surrender.

me as a junkie, which was really nice. And I was so scared of him. That's been truth. I asked mom if I could kill him when I was fourteen. I said, when he comes home, I'm going to blow his head off. My mom didn't say, I don't kill your dad. She said he's not worth going to jo for. Well about years later, did you ever want to do it?

I'm not enjoyment. Was it more satisfaction? More satisfaction watching him die like that, like died with nothing enough to do it. But you know, you can sit back on just watch it. And as Mum said, he wasn't with you know, taking a life. I think it's a pretty big deal. I think you have to have to learn

to live it. I've been unfortunate enough to live with a lot of murderers and hang out with a lot of murderers, and you know, and even the ones that we're murderers, murders, murders that liked doing the murders, and that they still they're still I don't give a fuck what they say. They're still not comfortable with themselves. Mate, They're still not comfortable with themselves. They're still not I don't believe you know, we are human beings where I was,

I don't care who you serve. We all serve somebody. We all have this thing like you've got to pay the piper, you know, we all got to pay the piper one day. There's always going to be a And as I said, you know, I've been to jail with a lot of murderers. You know, like I don't know why, because I was doing eighteen years. So you associate with people that are doing big lagons, and even before that, because of my bullshit gangster pass, that's who you attracted

to the other gangsters. So you all nick together. You know, all the frauds hang together over here, all the fuger pedophiles are going into their section, you know, you know, you sort of attract like attracts like you know. And my crew was always the murderers doing big lagons, guys that were very anti system. We trained really hard, and people thought we trained hard to protect yourself from each other.

We didn't protect yourself from each other. We'll protecting ustufs from the system because when the screws comes flying in the door with their fucking batman Robin out fits on Batman yah, and you know you had to be fit and healthy, you think, yeah, because that's that would happen. You know, they just kicked the door over at four o'clock in the morning and run in and bash and throw in the van and you end up with gold. And what the fuck am I doing in gold? But

you know I've got no visitors. And they do that, then you might be in gold. But what they used to do, oh, it's terrific. Russ used to bang his head around about it sometimes and under strip what do you call it? O c D. I'm obsessively compulsive, and everything's got to be spotless. Of now. Man. You know, in my wardrobe, my clothes go from black white blue, and they do all my clothes and all my shirts are folded and everything's iMac everything's got to be like that.

My cars are always clean. You never see my car dirty. It's never, never dirty, never. And if I go into the rain, I came out, I hose the car down. You know, it's just there's something you might make up. What the screws would do. They'd put me into a cell and I would fucking scrub that cell all night. I'd scrub it, I'd get so, i'd get soap, and I'd scrub every bit of the cell. Two days later they move in another cell. Fuck. That was their game.

That was their game. They'd just done that to me so many times because they knew that I couldn't cope with it. Because you have to sell blacks and picked their names and put the shit and they're pisted on the walls, and you know, I've got to sleep in it because you're taller in your beside your bed, you know, and some ass it's just got a bunk. If you know I can't live in that. You know, today I run my companies the same way as I plan that

cell thoroughly, I do things very thoroughly. I'm consistent, I'm reliable, I'm accepting, I'm honest. You know, I'm respectful, and I respect myself. I won't disrespect myself by cheating on my wife. Sounds funny. If I'm hanging out with guys in business these days and they cheat on their wives, I won't do business with them. And they go, why, I say we If you cheat on who, what are you going

to do to me? You're cheating on the person's the mother, your children, the person you spend all your time with. What the fuck are you going to do to me? So I've got this incredible and it's really hard. My wife says, we honey, you expectations you're too high. And I say, well, I'm not going to love with them. I'd rather have less friends, you know. And I'm an ex junkie. I so I'd rather have a grammar pure

than a kilo shit. And it's the same with friendships, it's the same with business partners, it's the same with any relationship. I want to be able to look you in the eye and say how I made how brother? Yeah? And feel it you know, like fucking I want people to come with us. Man, I don't want to be bigger and better than anyone. I was all to grow together. That was one of my downfalls that I thought people thought the same as I did and they didn't. And

it was one of my downfalls as a kid. I believed in the I wrote a book, you know that, I meant to bring it down. I'll send it to you. I actually had it out and I signed it to you and everything I fucking left in the cupboard. It's called Born into the Lie of Crime. It's called it says life al f e and I blacked the f out and it just says born to the lie of crime. Because we thought it was a life. It was just a lie. There's no loyalty, there's no trust, there's no

you know, I don't know about you know it. You came up across after I'd finished up there, and mate, there's some horrific people up there in the old days. You know, some of the club owners were horrific. Yeah, there's some nasty piece of work up there. Just just morally, don't taken me wrong. I was no saint, but you know, I still had certain principles where I didn't want to

see people being exploited, especially weak people. I've always had that wanted to save people and wanted to help people when I was a bloody drug dealing and I still wanted to help people. I just I don't know. I have a I have a good heart, that's the truth.

I rade a Greek boy, lovely guy. And then I seen him get on the coat and I just ended by killing himself, hung himself in jail, you know, And just I just seen people. That's why I hate drugs now. I've just seen so many good people just fucking destroy their lives. And I didn't you know, we haven't even touched on that thing called ice. That's just another one together. That's the dead, that's the devil's drug. Whoever the devil is,

I'll tell you about it is. I know drugs smugglers and drug dealers that won't even bring into the country, you know, the old guys, the old school guys, they won't to bring into the country because they said, it's just such a fucking gum drag. You and these guys would sell their grandmother for fucking for a penny, but they won't even deal with that. You know, That's how

horrible it is. And when I meet somebody these days, because because I work in drug and alcoho and try to help people on that, as soon as I meet them, I say, you're a nice headga, you know that, And I have a look at you. Your fried still, you know, having used for twelve months and they're still fried. You know, they're still. It's sad. I'm scared of watching it what's coming.

But do you think called fentanyl coming, that's going to be something that we that we've never seen this that likes of you can put it on a pin head and a kulsure so strong. That's just killing America right now. And we follow America's trends. We have all the times, have always follow America's trends, you know, and I hope to God that the system doesn't get it. We are never going to stop importations while there's a demand. So what we have to do is take away the demand.

And we do that by having people learning how to get off dope. Because if there's no fucking druggies, why would you bring it in? You don't have your storage share. They're on you get finished, better storage shared, you know what I mean. So we have to get more money into the education to help people to get clean and work out what's causing the people to get why people using it starts off as fun for someers, but most of us starts offers to kill a pain because we

have trauma, depression, depression trauma. Where did the trauma come from? We have to start treating the trauma. We have to start looking at why people use, not what they use, what these is irrelevance, Why they use, and that's what we have to start as a society. Take away the demand, take away the demand the drug dealers that go away, or and this is going to sound even crazier, fucking legalize it. Take the crime out of it, because it's not fun. I don't know even half the fun for

me was getting the trip, was been sneaking. It's getting away with it. You know, I'm a naughdy boy. I'm fucking fuck you. You know that's honestly. Part of the part of me with crime was fuck you. I've got away from this. You know, I'm smarter than you are. But as a copper said to me, and I will hear it till the day I die, You've only got to make one mistake, he said on my background. And

they just raided my house and they got nothing. And there's a whole federal task force and they usually come with the SWAT team because of my commissions and do the rest and them after the SWAT team to leave. Then the cops come and he said, do you believe in karma? I said I do. Actually, he said, fucking You've only got to make one mistake, and so I'll be there. I said, I fuck off, dickhead, you know, And that's you know, not saying. My daughter was born

the next day That's why I know Zach Date. You know my little girl, she's twenty eight now, twenty nine this year. You know, fucking you fuck off dickhead. Four years later, I'm handcuffed in the back of a van thinking fucking karma. Cama, it got me, you know, And yeah, say, you know, karma is a good thing. But as long as you're doing good things, and I say people all the time, if you do good things, good things come back. I'm massive believer in you know, you.

up heading towards that thing. To the therapeutic value of one edit jobbing another is with that parallel Like can you imagine a tennis player trying to teach her to do jiu jitsu? Yeah? Like that was yeah, because you can't teach you if you can't do I say it all the time, if you can't teach, you can't do you no good. If someone trying to teach me, I'm me trying to teach somebody how to play tennis. I can

teach how to fight. I can teach you how to box, I can teach you how to train, because I can do those things. And I've only done them things because of practice. And I say, with us recoveries, it all about practicing, practicing, not listening to your brain. Because we don't have a drug problem. We have a thinking problem. Drugs not the problem. Because you take the drug out, we're still at the same fucking head. They're still because you know, I got drugs,

I went to sex. You know, crime is the hardest thing to give up. Crime is the hardest thing for me to give up, because how did you give it up? I was not prepared to lose it. I've got to be honest. I started to I make I made really good money legally. You know, I'm not. I'm not a deal. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not the worthless, useless, stupid dick I thought I was. That I was told I was. Yeah, Now my mommy told me I was a fucking idiot. Ah, gosh, you know your dick head, you know, And yeah, I'm

actually not. I'm actually quite intelligent. I've written a book, I did a courses. I run companies. You know, I sit down and have you know, if you go through my phone, you have a heart attack. You know. The people that I sit down and have talks about finances and building and you know, we do probably development, We do fucking we do lots of ship. You know. I had a dinner the other night at Gala, dinner for a little girl who's got a really horrible disease because

SPG fifty six and she's five years age. Out of Gala. We got I think we've got eighty six grand we raised for her for her parents. And I sit there talking to a gens doctor. Doctor that makes fucking you make a human brain out of out of blood tissues. You know, he's a professor in genealogy and his history kids from fitz Roy. You know, child, you know the brain, said, I sit down. We've had conversations with him, and you know about addiction, about the brain, you know, and I

sometimes pinched me someone. So who's the strict kid that had no education sitting down having conversations with people who are you know? I have lots of friends who are worth hundreds of meters of dollars and I say to them, I don't give a fuck about your wealth. I care about your health. How's your head? And they can't believe it. And I say to them, I don't get to sign your check book, but I get to check on your mental health. Because everybody has some issues. We all have something,

you know, it doesn't matter. Workaholics and sec exactly the same thing. They lose their family, They ended by going insane. They start taking chemicals to cope with the fucking late nights, early mornings. Next thing, having a little having a little bumpy, a little bump there just to get them through the night. You know, I think much clearer on this. And the little bump starts from being a little bumped you know, for on our foot line, just tell it a little.

My dad's I see, I think as garfaged, but I have I got friends with with hundreds of millions of dollars. And I say, Tom, I don't care about your wealth. I care about your health. What's going on with your head? You know, man, I've been blessed. I met Charlie Sheen. He was he was one of the funniest guys in the world. Fuck, he's funny. And he was like, what

do you take me on the NA meetings? And I say, wouldn't fucking hurgh, you know, And this is before two and a half minutes before he lost the plot completely. Those days, I was just drinking, gave me some mass to quell, and dropping corylades and fucking snorting fucking lines of coke as long as my arm. You know, he hadn't really lost a plot at that stage. It's all because I'm clean. Everything I have today is because I'm clean. The ability to sit in and have a conversation with

is because I'm clean. And the reason I'm clean is because my life is better when I don't take drugs. So therefore, I've realized that if my life's better when I don't take drugs. If I can teach other people how not to take drugs, you know, because I had to work out why I took them. I took them because I was scared. I took them because I thought I was worthless. I took them because at first I thought though I was stopping the pain, the pain of

having that father. I've only talked about this stuff with my sisters, my father, and over the last few years since I've got arrested. She sounds funny. Getting the restlmers the best thing to have happened to me In two thousand and two. It was the best thing to have happened to me. I had a spiritual awakening, not in a Christian way, not in a some people call it a rude awaitning. I had a spiritual awakening. I had to work out, what do you really want at fifty

years of age? I said old I was forty nine? Is something I got pinched forty eight? Do you really want a life a crime that doesn't pay that I spent eight years in jail. My best business friend visited me once and put one hundred and fifty dollars in my property. This is my partner. It was like, are

you serious? This is fucking my best mate. This is the guy that we took risks to lose our lives all around the world, and the scum bay put fucking one hundred and fifty bucks in my property and visited me once in eight years and try to root me girl, you know, And that's that's what it is. That's when we get down to what really is going on out there. That's what it is. Wow, you know, there's no it's a lie. Crime is a lie. You regret. Regrets is

a big word. Regrets. There's a lot of things I would change, but I'm pretty happy with who I am today. I don't think i'd be who I am today if I didn't do what I did. You know. I regret not watch my six year old daughter grow up. When I went back to jail last time that killed me. She was six when I got pissed and I came out, and she's sixteen and her mums are Yanks. She moved back to America and I was in jail. I stand her back to America, but I said, I said, I

can't do this. I'm not doing this. I can come out and visit me, you know, and she'd just go home when I get out, if she's still in love with me, come back, you know. And she met another bloke and moved on with her life, and which I don't blame her. I don't have one ounce of resentment or thing about that. You know, fucking I just got given eighteen years. You know, she was thirty years of age. I'm going to wait. You know, I didn't have to serve the aideen, but I regret to the man I

was born to. If you want to really know, if you're interested with me, what do you regret? I regret that my father wasn't a copper or a barrister. So I would have been a good barrister. I would have been a good I would have been a good lawyer. I would have been a good copper. But I was born to a scumbag, fucking crook. And so you know, as I say, I wanted my father to love me more than I ever wanted anyone else in the world to love me. I wanted my father to appreciate me,

acknowledge me, and be proud of me. You know, I got to known your son, who I fucking worship. I worship him. I worship the Granny Walks. I mate, if they say you need your heart tomorrow, cut it out myself and give it to me, you know, because that's the father I am, and that's the father I wish I had, And so have I got regrets I wish I can't in the real world. If I can made it wave a magic Wand as long as I'm still with the wife and kids, have got today. I wish

I'd been born to somewhere else, but I wasn't. And but I have. What I have today is so beautiful. Honestly, money can't buy it. I got. Money cannot buy what I've got. And I had a lot more money than what I've got now, and money cannot buy what I have today.

I have to stop those thoughts. You know. Sometimes I thought can come away, and I think, if I got told I had cancer, something, I fucking go and kill that can't. But then again, I went through cancer this year, so you know I had I had full cancer. Operationally, I'm three months, three weeks out of post complete fucking radical prostate removal, and you know what, I got the cancer.

I didn't go and kill anybody. But in my head, you know, I used to think that if I ever got tired a terminal interests, I'd go and square up all these people. But no, I haven't, and I don't want to. I don't want to be that person. I don't. I'm not that person. I'm really not. I can be, and you know that yourself. I don't. Even anyone says we all can be we can all be that guy. We can all be that guy. I don't hit that mate. You come to hurt my wife and children, I'll become

that guy in a halfboat, you know. And well, I have regrets later yeah, that I'm not going to be with my wife and kids, not for what I've done now. That was the only better I have.

the ability to come and talk with you. You know, I appreciate people who have been to that where we came from, have been through that world, who know the reality. Because we know the reality. You know, everyone's got there fucking and they can watch you know, the movies and the there's a lot of sadness that they missed between those lines. There's a lot of nights that we think, oh, I don't know if I'm going to make it home. Because my trouble was never oh is that person going

to be all right? My my thoughts were hope I don't get pinched for this. That was always my thought, and then every be like, oh, it's just the night, just the one driving the lights and cops and I've seen that car twice today. Wats his number? You know, I had books of fucking registration numbers. You don't mean cross checking regio numbers. Yeah, they're the federal coppers. Oh that's the i's got Oh, that's this guad. You don't that's the homicide s got ah. You know, like it's

just so hard at work. People think crime is easy. Crimes, this is easy. Living life and lost terms. Being a squarehead is so much easier than being a criminal. It's easy. I love this. This is easy, you know, this is

this is quite rewarding, you know, just having choices. I'm sitting here, You're in a beautiful office, and you know, we're not worrying about fucking who's sitting across the road with the camera taking photos office and you know someone turning up tomorrow and saying, well, what's your relationship with this man? You know? Yeah, I'm blessed made, I'm blessed. I'm a very very grateful human booer. And I say

this with a lot of pride. I'm seventy years of age, and I look forward to the next twenty I really do you know I'm nowhere. You finished, You finished in case you can't kill me, hero and couldn't kill me. Good luck to the next one that wants to dry, because you know.