secrets from a coach . Thrive and maximize your potential in the evolving workplace . Your weekly podcast with debbie green of wishfish and laura thompson staveley of phenomenal training .
Debs . Oh , how was your performance ? Aperol Spritz going .
Well , I rocked that karaoke . Debs , how was your zip line ?
Me . I loved it . I went back again for another go . It was brilliant . I'm doing a longer one next time .
Oh , good on you , because we were joined at the bar by our amazing teammate and we were talking about a 10 minute shot on performance . What does that mean ? We called it apple roll spritz . This is part of our fresh take with summer . For many people it's a chance to regroup , reset , refresh , re-energize .
So we thought we would mix up things a little bit and invite you to join us for a bit of a sundowner in our summer happy hour . So last week was a performance spritz . The week before we sat down and we had a shot on compassion . That was a people colada . And the first one in our cocktail menu was around motivation , our mojo mojito .
And this one , debs , is going to be joined at the bar by another of our amazing teammates and they're going to be telling us all about communication , and we called this one an expressive martini we did law , so let's listen in and see what we can pick up from that one hey debs , hey laura .
It's lindsay , hope you're having a lovely summer . Here's my input for expressive martini . In the midst of my summer and having spent some time finishing work and having a break , holding my boundaries , and then coming on away with my family , here's my top tips from a communication point of view . What have I discovered and what's useful ?
So , always for me , because of my love of transactional analysis , I'll always start with how we communicate with ourselves and what is the way we can hook ourselves into breaking our boundaries . And I think it's the phrase I'll just . You know what ?
I'll just check this email , I'll just send that person a message and the I'll just , which sounds so innocuous , so harmless . I'll just do this so I can get it off my mind . I'll just . That is the doorway to the boundary break where we then go . Oh , look at the time . I've now spent two hours checking my emails and just replying to things .
So watch out for the I'll just . It's the doorway to the boundary break . Other useful tips will be , I've noticed , dealing with I've got a teenager . So these all top tips welcome these work in any shape or form , whether it's leadership , whether it's communicating with a teenager . I think it's the power of TED .
So when someone says something that can be a little bit explosive could be like a bit of a kind of verbal grenade . I'll give you an example my daughter yesterday . I said you know , we could be leaving in a minute , how close are you getting to ready ? And she's like why are you always on my back ?
And as soon as she says that I could go , well , I'm not . I'm not always on your back , I'm trying to defend myself . So when we're triggered , we call it our unconscious defended . I want to defend , we want to defend ourselves and say something which then can escalate into conflict .
So being able to say , use TED , which is tell me more or talk to me , explain to me how I do that , or describe to me the deed , describe to me what does that mean to you , how does that look like , is a way of avoiding conflict . So I found that really interesting . Libby , tell me more about that . You feel that when you're back all the time .
And then she then talked herself out of it and says well , I know you don't do that usually . Actually , I don't know why I said that . So it's that second question really , tell me more , talk to me , explain to me how I do that or describe to me how that looks for you .
This also works really , really well when we're in a team and someone might say something that's a little bit you know , a little bit triggering , and take might take us below the drama line . So they're my top tips . I would say enjoy your summer , hold your boundaries from a negotiated place . So I'm choosing to do this and watch out for those saboteur phrases .
You know what I'll just or , if I just look at this , know that doing it opens the doorway to it could be opening the doorway to a boundary break and have a great summer .
So , laure , tell me how expressive are you ?
Oh , I'm feeling buzzing after that expressive , martini . What's ?
some really great insights and reminders about the impact that communication has , debs yeah , I think , and it happens all the time , and I think if we're not mindful of how we are putting our message across , or we're not adapting or flexing , then it can create chaos , right , and we definitely don't want that where we get barred from somewhere .
So for me , it's about how we can be curious about what's going on , go , oh , if somebody goes says something , you're going , that's interesting . Ask questions . Yeah , what was that about ? How does that feel ?
Have that curious mindset so that you can create even more clarity when it comes to communication and actually , whether that is in the workplace or whether it's in holiday .
In holiday equally mode , you might be forced to sit next to people that you might not have actually wanted to , but you sort of need to communicate and I think my kind of takeaway of that the phrase just kept going through my mind about lean and clean .
So what is the lean and clean way to approach this conversation so it doesn't drag on for far longer than it needs to ? So both sides are really clear on what's just been discussed and what's just been agreed . So I've taken loads from that .
You know , sometimes you just sit at the bar and you have a chat with someone with a fresh perspective and it can really give you an opportunity to review and reflect on your own wisdom and then maybe just tweak a few things that you think might be on the horizon .
Yeah , definitely . And I think that variation in how you use your voice and your communication , I think as well , is super important to consider . So it's not just a one size fits all or it's not just a monotone which nobody wants to get involved with or want to even have a conversation with you . So I think , yeah , that's super important to consider .
How am I going to deliver this message in the first place ? Yeah , so I can be expressive .
Yeah , wonderful , cool , so I've really enjoyed this sundowner . So , thank you again for joining me at the bar , and no worries , it's always a pleasure , isn't it ? And we've got one more in our cocktail menu to try out .
We have and it's a biggie . So let's . Yeah , I'm going to go and find some other people to chat to to get some information that we can feed into it , but I'll see you . I'll see you at the bar .
Beautiful . See you at the bar .
Love you , love you .
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