Episode 41 - Chasing Riddick

God, my eyes sting. Well, who sat on your face last? Stop, Paul. Maybe you need to give'em a call. Stop. Maybe they need to give you a call. Paul, stop. You're gonna freak me out. Well, be freaked out. Just be conscious of your health. Paul, I am. I know. Well you're I am like a hypochondria? No, I just actively stay

worried about your health. Do you remember when you got hit by that car when you were on the scooter? Uh-huh. And then you kept going to different doctors because you didn't believe the That I didn't have you were like, I have internal bleeding. And they're like, ma'am, you don't and you're just like I'll see myself out. I'll see myself out and then found another. But I hurt. Well you got hit by a car. So Little Angelo Lore.

I do remember that. And then didn't tell me for two months or something crazy? Really? Yeah. You're like, by the way Really? I got hit by a car a little while ago. Yeah. That's what happens. At least I don't have to worry. For sure. Oh, I told my dad like nine months later. I would never tell your dad. I know. What I mean, well what does it what does it matter? What does it matter? Paul. What? My life was changed yesterday. And I'm honestly shocked because like

You know, I'm very niche about the video games I play. I play four games. Where are we headed with this? And I've oh wait. No no no, let's just keep going. Anyway, I play four video games and I've been playing them for the better part of like ten to fifteen years. Did you just hear about Fable Three? Yes Oh my I'm so It's not f it's not Fable Three,'cause there is a Fable Three. Open World Fable. Open World Fable.

I th you know what? I can't believe you didn't tell my people. I can't believe I didn't tell me. I rely on you for video game news. I'm so sorry. It's so funny because the second that I saw this coming out, I was like, Angela's gonna be so excited. Paul. Paul. It looks incredible. Paul. I watched a fifteen minute video of it last night on YouTube and I go like this. We're gonna get into it. I go. My life is gone. Is it multiplayer?

I don't know. I don't know either. But either way, I'm gonna get it. Either way I'm getting it. I watched this last I forgot how ill disfable you are. Chills. I literally got chills. Yeah. I had to buy so into that. I had to buy a thing for my Xbox three sixty. For it to work so that I can still play Fable Two on my three sixty. My three sixty fucking works. I just started a new character like

Three months ago? That's so funny. Yes, Paul. And oh my god, I just I I'm not gonna That is big news. You're right, that is big news. I know. Um so I just like I can't be huge. And they say that it's gonna come out in fall twenty twenty six, which We'll see. I I hope it does because then my n entire next winter can just be It probably will actually come.

I hope it doesn't get pushed back and pushed back. Just in my life every video game I've ever wanted to come out has been pushed back. Yeah. I'm kind of gonna set that expectation a little bit. Yeah. Just so I can't get you know, let down too much but yeah, that was huge news in the video game one. I know. I I'm watching this gameplay and they're like all the best parts of Fable. You're you start as a child and Albion. Chills. Chills. Chills. Chill.

I was like I was a lesbian who fucked whores in the pirate. town. Mm-hmm. Just in the game you are that. Uh uh. Just giving them Just in the game you're that. Uh-huh. Right. Anyway, can't wait. Can't wait. Can't wait for you to be a lesbian again. Yep. With a wife and kids. Yep. So excited.

If only you could have it in real life, you know. If only. Ugh Well that is great news. Yeah, really excited. Should we do the intro? Oh right, right, right, right, right. You do it this time. I've been doing it so much. Uh

Welcome back to another episode of Second Hand Smut. I'm Angela. And I'm Paul. And this is Second Hand Smut. The podcast where Angela reads the smut so I don't have to. Yes. Welcome back. Welcome back. And then I had another thing I wanted to run by. Actually, because this week I bought a twelve pack of microfiber cloths. Okay. They came in four colors blue, green, purple, and pink.

And I wanted to know what you would associate I said, Well obviously each color's gonna be designated one to the kitchen, one to the bathroom, one for dusting. So I wanted to know what you think the color for kitchen should be. Say it to me again. Blue, green, purple, purple pink. Pink.'Cause I know what I think I want for the bathroom. I don't know dude. I'm all fucked up on this. Really? Because I don't know, is blue bathroom or is green bathroom?

Or neither of those are bathroom. Because blue I guess is dust to me, now that you said that. Hmm. And there is no right or wrong answer. I guess like green feels bathroom to me. Pink I would use in the kitchen, I guess. But I hate that. I want them to all be black. I've been using blue in the kitchen for I thought you might say that I think should have been green. I think should have been green. And then I think in the bathroom I'm getting purple. I could see purple. Yeah or pink vibe.

I don't know. I don't know.'Cause I can also see green in the bathroom. I can see green in the bathroom. I think of all the like cleaning supplies. Those are all green. So I've been doing blue in the kitchen and green in the bathroom. And then blue to dust because I think of like Windex and shit. And I'm like dust Yeah. Well I've already done white in the kitchen, if anything

Well, so I have been using white rags. Yeah. Like just a thing. White's also good for dusting. Yeah. So I don't know. I was Oh God, that's a lot. I know. I was That's a lot for a Sunday morning. Okay, what color am I using in what room?

And what's done is done, because I've already used the green in the bathroom, I've already used the blue in the kitchen, and I've already been using pink for dusting. The purple I'm like Well, what else do you have? What other area is that? I don't I don't think it's a good idea. Yeah, but you know. People associate rooms with colors or sounds with colors or what else?

Things are shitty in the world, you know. Oh my god, Paul. The world's real bad right now. I wake up just acknowledging, world's really bad. Oh yeah, I wake up in the morning and I'm like just for this little bit. Yeah. But fuck. How much more helpless could you feel? worse could it get. Literally constantly. Apparently, really I know. It's crazy. Apparently Yeah. It's like we'll keep doing this podcast for as long as we can before the government shuts it down. Right.

I even had a little s some suspicions this morning about something and this. Well this is a conspiracy, y'all. Just I'm ready for it. So I Get a lot of book recs on TikTok. And I'll type in whatever. Paranormal romance. Vampire romance. Monster romance. Whatever. And I had like a really hard time finding books this morning. Like it was bringing up weird videos. And they just sold TikTok to Right. You know? And so I was like and I know that in

one of the bills,'cause my therapist told me this, is they wanna like outlaw smut and stuff like that. Um, I don't know the specifics of it, but yeah, I was like, I'm having a really hard time finding video. I don't know if they're gonna make li so whatever. That's conspiracy. Whatever. I wish it would. Well yeah, just another reason to get the book. Oh I know. I saw this video where this woman was like, You know what you can do?

If you can start by applying for citizens citizenship somewhere else. Say you say you can, like say you've got family and you can apply citizenship for somewhere else. She goes, then max out your credit cards, get everything you want, ship it over, and don't ever pay those credit cards back because your a credit score only exists in America. You know, I had an Uber driver tell me that exact same thing. Yeah. Said he was doing that and was moving.

And he's probably living like a fucking king. No, I think he But I'm just saying people have said that. It is right, it is a thing. Like credit scores and debt are not a thing if you don't live in this country. Yeah. It will not follow you. My credit's so bad right now that would get me nowhere. Yeah, I don't know. Shit's crazy. Conspiracies are all real. It feels like things are bad. This was I mean, this won't come up for a little bit, but this is like the

So who knows how much worse it's gonna be a little bit more than a whole lot of comes out. I don't want to think about it either. God, I just want like aliens or something. Help us out. I'm just saying we've got listeners in other countries, so put a good word in for us.

We'd go somewhere. Yeah. Even that's a privilege though. And we couldn't. I know. You know, I think it's like crazy to think that we could go somewhere. It would be tough. Yeah. It's going to be tough. Mm-hmm. Whatever. Shit's crazy.

Did my first escape room this weekend? Did you escape? Mm hmm. We did. Well you are sitting here. I am. You're not stuck in the room. Actually look it. I have this sticker. That freaked me out. Oh nice.

It was cool. I'd never done one before. What was the theme? It was I think it was called like the paradox or something and it was like there's a storm happening and we have to like pull all these levers and like open a dimensional door, otherwise just like labs you know like I just knew that we were gonna die and I We're gonna die! We're never gonna solve this. I love that. Yeah. I was not that helpful. I think I solved like one puzzle maybe. But most of the time I was

No help up. Hey, you're the you're the entertainer. Yeah. Yeah. You know. That's standing back. So funny. It was funny. Yeah, we should do one. Really? Alright. I've done it. Really? I don't think you'd have fun. Well, I'm just like, what's the fucking I don't know. I'm just to escape. I know, but I'd rather do a rage room, but Oh, let's combine'em. Yeah. Rage to escape. Well, I bet you they've got buildings where they do the same

Where they do it. Yeah. I'd be into that. Okay, well I wanna talk about this week's book. Yeah. What was it called again? It called Chasing Reddit. Right. Which yours was good about the art Yes. I liked that one. The woman who was chasing Riddick, the artist. Now I see what's going on here now that I can see the little bit. I want to tell you something. Actually actually I'll just say this is Chasing Riddick by Alexandra Saint Pierre.

Read the back of the book, Paul. Finn Summers can't feel fear. This causes Finn to take unnecessary risks, especially when it comes to his favorite sport in the world, sir. W a surfer named Finn. Okay. When Finn hears a rumor about a beach called Leviathan's, located in the small town of Star Cove, California, the promise of twenty five foot swells is too extreme. However, Leviathan's speech has a dark man. Uh a history filled with monster waves, lethal secrets and a very dead.

Despite warnings from town locals, Finn is determined to conquer a beach so gnarly that the men who discovered it discovered it named it after Biblical Sea Demons, even if it kills him. Chasing Reddick is an open door H Gap M M romance? Oh, we're back into the gay stuff. This book ki contains on a page explicitly It's just as viewer discretion is a biased. Yeah. Oh wait, let me see the front. Oh see the front.

So This is some AI shit for sure. Oh yeah. Look how weird his head looks. So I That actually is fucking with me. I don't want to see the part of that book ever again. No. I don't know what I was thinking. Okay. I lit and I'm gonna do it after we go over the book. Okay. I thought this book and I don't know why. Okay. Actually I kind of do. I thought this book was something else entirely. What do you mean by that? Uh uh I'll tell you at the end. Okay.

Because like I try not to read synopsises or whatever. So like on when I was ordering it, I just read that first and I was like, Okay, stop and then I've it's been on my T B R for a very long time. Okay. Is this age gap gonna be crazy? No, it's not that Okay. Um I'm fine with that. It's just that I thought this was gonna be something else. And it wasn't. Okay. And um it is also The most predictable

one of the most elementary Oh no read writing styles. It does look like AI wrote it. I've ever read. And like I know who the author is. Like I've seen her on TikTok forever. She's like really cute and This one wasn't it. Well, and all these people are loving it and I'm like, you're basic. Yeah. This calling all the basic bitches. Yes. Surprise.

And coming off of Sea of Ruin, yeah. I was gonna say we were so high last week. I loved Sea of Ruin. Yes. I'm like, I'm only gonna read Pam Godwin from here. I was like, let's go. This is three hundred and thirty pages. I read it in like four hours. A Well, all right.

Highs and lows. Exactly. Different ends of the spectrum. First dud of twenty twenty six. First dud of twenty twenty six. Do you wanna know something? What? On Story Graph, which is what I use, I don't use Goodreads, Sea Ruin was rated three point eight eight. No, don't say. Four point five.

Dude. Now granted, this has two hundred and forty reviews. Okay and and that had four thousand. Okay. But three point eight eight is and I read through it most a lot of people are like, I can't handle the violence against the law. It was too much of the the dark. Four This is a two point five from a two. That seems generous. Yeah. It

Yeah. This is one of the books we will burn first when the grid goes down and we need to burn things for war. This is a one th where I'm like, I hate that I bought this in paperback. Yeah. I hate. Yeah. Alright.

Strap in strap in and just I'll bring it to life. Please I'm ready to shit on something this morning. I'll let you know. This is it. Yeah. Get that out. I'm ready. Ooh, okay. Yeah. So my review, beyond predictable. The writing was so elementary, so cheesy and corny and cringy. Looking forward to it. Yeah. Like, for example, every other word is italicized. It does look like it's double spaced. Yeah. It's got pictures. It's got pictures it's a picture book? Uh-huh. Where's the first picture?

Fuck. Oh, it's a spoiler. Okay. But whatever. Do you want to say? Okay, well, wait. Don't spoil me. Okay. I'll show you as the as it comes up.

Okay, this is chasing Reddit. We have Finn, twenty-two years old, total surfer dude, blonde, bro, shaka bra, and talks like it. Oh my god, poopish. Oh my I was reading him like that. It was bad. Anyway, so he just spent his entire inheritance on a small shack on the beach. How much was the inheritance? Sixty thou. Oh No. His dad left before he was born and his mom was all he ever had and she died.

four years ago and he's been holding on to that sixty thousand so bought the shack. Yeah. You could picture it, surfer shack, teeny tiny, on the beach and it has its own private beach as well. Okay, for sixty thousand dollars, that's sex really crazy. In Stars Cove S Soak Al. Starkov. And this beach is right next to Leviathan's, which is a notorious beach for huge swells. But people So I've heard. But people keep it yes.

But people keep it on the D L. Like he heard it through the grapevine and so he went there. But it's not nationally known. Is this a real place in America? It is not. Okay. I was gonna say I don't think there are like not well known Lev In California in this day in twenty twenty six. For sure. We found them all. Right. You know Yeah. Too many people. Yeah. But so there's a beach in Hawaii that gets like forty foot, like huge massive things anyway. So this is supposed to rival that.

Yeah, right. We wish Mainlanders could never No, dude. Have you ever been surfing? Uh I went body surfing. What is that? You mean swimming? Yeah. But into a No, I've never been surfing, dude. Are you kidding me? I broke my arm on snowboard on the bunny slope. Yeah. It's probably I probably

Who knows? I don't know. I would try. I don't know that I have a lot of interest. I would do it. I would boogie board. Uh yeah. I'd rather just be in the water. I would ride a wave if as long as I don't have to stand up. I would love to yeah. You know? Just yeah. Oh, did that when I lived in Australia? We boogie boarded. See boogie boarding, that's a good time. I've been in a wave pool. Yeah. Amen. Oh, and you're terrifying. You were a menace in a wave pull.

Paul will bring you out in the middle even if you're scared for your life. Yeah. I do love the fearlessness though that you have. Well it's just a wave pool. People die in wave pools. Not me. Not yet. Not yet. We do have to do that. I don't know I did that for For sure. Machinery and water freaks me out. That would be a final destination. Rusty things in water make me ooh. Yeah. Ooh. Like yeah.

Oh creepy pipes. It does. Rusty pipes underwater freak me out. Yeah. Well, because it they're dangerous. Oh, what are they doing? Like Okay, so he's been bumming around the past four years. Okay, no, I'll shook it off. Stop stop. Yep, stop picturing it. Yeah. He's been bumming around with his best friend Turtle. The finding Nemo in this book, Paul, is The love interest calls him sharkbait. Okay. The entire time. This is f

She literally says just keep swimming at one I I'm are you five? Why are you referencing finding it that's how bad this book was. Oh no. It's embarrassing. Anyway. Alexandria. Yeah. Alexandra. Alexandra I'm embarrassed for you, girl. Yeah, it's not good. Yeah. And so they've been bumming around for the last four years, surfing around the country, and now they've like landed in Star's Cove and Finn is ready to like stay there, which is why he bought the house. And Turtle lives in his van.

So they get busing jobs at this restaurant on the beach. They meet this girl named Blake. Girl named Blake. She's like, Oh, you're the kook who just bought Jake Wit Whitling's old place, aren't you? And she's like, You know, there's a reason it hasn't sold for so long. It's haunting Everyone in the town has agreed to like not buy it'cause we're paying homage to Jake because he was like a low local legend. Then how is it for sale? Right. But everyone silently agreed to never buy it.

So this out of towner comes in and buys it. Yeah, no shit. What did you think was gonna happen? Yeah. Do you understand real estate at all? And she goes, Some people might be pissed that you bought it and he was like and he you know, Jake died surfing the Leviathans.

Waves. Great. Let's put a memorial up at the beach. Exactly. Little crossin' Yeah. Pooker shells and shit. Pookashells. Pookershells. And he goes, Well, good thing I plan on writing the Leviathans this winter. Those waves only come in the winter.

So sh after the shift she's like, Well let's go check out the beach. Like have you been to the beach yet? And he's like, No, I haven't had a chance to check it out. Do we have like a time? Like what year is it? It is summer right now. No, but what year is it? Is this present day? Mm-hmm. Now. I'm really struggling that they thought that no one was gonna snatch up sixty thousand dollar beachfront property in California.

Right now. On with a private beach. With a private beach. Next to Leviathans. You could never. No. That's not real. It's on real I c I'm that's what I'm struggling to believe right now. Let's go. We can keep going. So she takes him to the beach and he's seeing the waves and he's like having this calling and he's like he's a adrenaline junkie, like most people would be scared of the shit, but he's not. All this stuff.

Exactly. The dark navy waters that crash violently against the rocks are like a warning. And Blake's like, you are going to die trying to surf these waves. There's a reason why Jake and his friends tried to keep this a secret. I mean, he was a best surfer ever and he fucking died. So why do you think you can do it?

And he's and she's like, If you are gonna do it, you should at least try to find yourself a coach, someone who knows this, like one of Jake's friends or whatever. Anyway. Wonder what's gonna happen. The next morning, he's walking he sees from his shack.

Someone walking with a surfboard on his private beach. This motherfucker. Uhhuh. So he's running out, he's like, Hello You have to fucking ask permission you want to surf on this beach? Uh-huh. Telling these locals to get off his beach. Uh-huh. You're gonna buy this place and tell me I can't surf here? Twenty two year old. So yeah, he's twenty two, like lean, obviously blonde. And then this guy is like six four. Brunette. Yeah. Huge bicep.

Sun kissed. Sun Sun kissed kissed. Brown skinned. Yeah. Yeah. And he goes, first of all, as he runs up to him, the guy's just like looking at him like, The fuck are you saying? And Finn's like kind of like taken aback a little bit. Oh, th this man's presence. Kinda scary. Uhhuh. I like it. He's late thirties. Old. Old. Old. Uhhuh. Um oh and it has like a nice chest of Oh yeah he does. Yeah. I've been staring at it this entire time. Yeah.

And uh some like lightness in his hair from sun, tight beard on the face. And he was like You bought Jake's shack and he's like, Listen here, buddy, I've been surfing here my entire life. I'm not gonna fucking ask permission now. And Finn's like feels something for this guy. He's like, Why do I feel like I know this guy? He's kind of familiar like what or just like he's famous. Drawn to him. Yeah.

And so the guy's like, see ya and goes into the ocean and starts paddling out and so Finn chases after him on his board as well and he's like Well, if I can't stop you from surfing on my beach, then why don't you be my coach? I wanna surf the Leviathan. Hi, stranger that I have no idea your level of surfing skill. Should you be my coach now? Thanks, Daddy. Was not buying this relationship at all. The entire time. Well, it's not even developing. Nope. There was no development.

And um the guy's like, Fuck no, that's of death wish. I'm not teaching anybody how to surf those waves and you shouldn't go out there. And so finally, whatever, they have this like back and forth. They get surf together and he's like, Oh, this guy's like really fucking good They get back onto the beach and the guy's like, Well, if you're not gonna give up this stupid pipe dream of surfing the Leviathans then I'll just then I'll be I feel offended by this book. Thank you, Paul. And tell me why.

That I'm so stupid I would buy this. Yeah. Yeah. How How dare you tell me this story? So many people I want to show you some reaction TikToks. This one bitch is like, uh my god, this love story I'm like, you're stupid. I hate to tell ya. I hate to tell you, but you're dumb. Yeah, this book we use for profiling. Yeah, I mean Read this book, tell me what you think about it. Oh, you loved it? Death. Don't like you. Yeah. Thank you, Paul. Yeah.

Anyway, so while they're having this like exchange on the beach in front of his shack, being like, Okay, fine, I'll coach you, whatever, they're like staring at each other, supposed to be having moments or whatever. And the guy's looking at Finn and he's like, This kid's kinda cute. I'm kinda liking this twenty two year old. Smells like sunscreen in the ocean. And then we get some like actually I do love sunscreen. Well yeah. Gotta love it.

We get some internal dialogue from this guy and he has been surfing Leviathans his whole life in his group of friends with Jake Whittling. And he Jake died a year ago and he hasn't been around people in a year. He's been like reclusive, like hasn't talked to anyone, hasn't really like had any human touch. Oh. We're really trying here. Yeah. So this is why he's so quick to fall in love with a twenty twenty two year old who he's just the first person he's talked to in a year.

Um does he have long hair? I ish. I mean surfer, you know, like hate. Not long not ponytail, but shaggy, I guess is the word. Okay, still hate it. He talked to someone, somebody cut his hair. True. Yeah. Maybe he did it. Maybe he did it himself. I don't know. Or maybe he had a buzz. I don't know. And he just let it this is a year's growth. Yeah, right. Such a funny point, Saul.

Anyway, he was like if I'm training you then you're gonna be on top of your shit. No partying, no drinking, no smoking, no women, no sex. And Finn's like Damn, I'm twenty two years old. You like really? I love drinking party of women and say Uh-huh and he goes, I mean can I at least jack off?

And the only if I can watch Right. I'm your coach. That is the stipulation and you do what I say. And you'll do what I say. I'll coach you. That's up to you. That's your business. That's up that's up to you. Uhhuh. And Finn took it as

You really don't want me to jack off? He's saying that in his head. And then he turns around and walks away and he's like, Oh, you can call me Riddick. So that's Riddick. So the next day Riddick comes out and Finn's just kind of like watching him and he's like, Damn, this guy is like a legit surfer, like I'm glad he's my

And then Riddick does this daily routine, so he comes in and he's like, Did you party last night? Did you drink did you smoke? Did you do anything else that you need to tell me about? All this stuff? And Finn had touched himself in the shower the night before. My God. But he had to stop because Riddick's face kept popping into his head. Why do I keep thinking about you and I'm jerking Uhhuh, trying to think about this girl but then Riddick's there? A man. Uhhuh. So he

He doesn't do anything. That is how you find out you're gay. I keep trying to think about girls, but boys keep popping in my head. What's going on? So he's like never thought about a man before, obviously. Right. I believe you. I believe you. Um, so he's like, anything else you need to tell me? And Finn's like, should I tell him? Should I not? And he's like

Yeah, I touched myself last night. I mean I didn't come, but I touched myself. Which is crazy. Saying this. That's crazy. I mean it's all crazy. That's crazy. This is crazy. Telling that someone Yeah. This whole thing is crazy. And then he like turns bright red and Riddick Riddick is fucking with him by the way. Okay, of course, because he's the older daddy. And he like just like stares at him and like is trying to be intimidating. And he's like, just go out there and start running. Do this.

We're gonna build a Paul. I didn't is this I don't know enough about surfing to be like, is this what surf coaching is? I have no clue. So I thought it was a little more water. Hours later Finn is complaining about how grueling Riddick is. He's like makes him do all the shit in the water. Like he's like dying. And Riddick he comes out of the water and Riddick like As Finn is yelling at him, puts his hand around his neck. Why? What is happening? Paul, I'm reading this.

And he's like a few hours? You can't handle a few fucking hours and you're gonna surf a Leviathan? Give me a fucking break. Which good. Sure. The hand around the neck. And then of course the author's like, Oh, and Finn felt so submitting to him. All this stuff. It was offensive Paul. This feels like like you've got your two Ken dolls and you're like playing out a scene.

Yes, that's like the plot of this. Yes, Paul. Like picking up each one. And then they hand them. And then they kiss. And then it puts them together. And then your mom walks in and you're like, oh I went to make them kiss. They're just friends. Yeah. They're fighting. This is so funny. I have That's how I feel. This is so funny. I literally have a memory of when I was like four. Of my mom. I I'm like making the two Barbies kiss.

And my mom and then me be like ripping them apart. Yeah, anyway, that's what this book is. And so while he's got his hand around Finn's throat. He's like stroking his thumb a little bit. Okay. And Uh Finn's like, What the fuck is going on? This is like very intimate. Also, I'm starting to chub up. Why am I chubbing up for this guy? And why is he touching me like this? And then Riddick just kinda like looks down a little bit and he's like same time.

Around and leaves. Oh my god. I know. Can you believe it? Paul, I gotta tell you something. I do have to go pee. Go. Thank you for being so enthusiastic about that. Go get out of here. Get out of here. You're free.

I almost DNF'd this book. I could I could fe I could see that. But I kept going. Yeah. We'll get through it. We will. Anyway, so that night. Finn is like Am I gay? Oh shit. Am I gay? It's like idiot airhead surf surfer. Oh bruh. Man, it was hard today. Like, am I gay? Do I like duds? So the next morning

Riddick comes over. Did you drink? Did you smoke? Did you do anything you need to tell me about? And he's like, No. The he's like, Okay, well, we're gonna do a rest day today since you went so hard yesterday, we're just gonna do yoga. So they take like longboards out onto the beach, put a mat down. Finn gets on the mat and Riddick is instructing him and it gets very sensual. He's like he's like do cat cow. Yeah. So he Finn's this dick. Yeah.

Like arching and all that stuff. And then Riddick's like, Okay, go into downward dog. Obviously. Obviously. We knew Downward Dog was coming. Uhhuh. And w while he was in Cat Cow, like Riddick was touching him and like doing all like changing his form and so

Finn's bricked up. Obviously. So when he does Downward Dog, he's like, I wonder if he's gonna see my raging heart on in my board shorts, you know? And while he's in Downward Dog, Riddick comes behind him, puts his hand on his back and the one down his thigh and is like touching him all this stuff. And then is like standing behind him. And we do actually get a yoga photo a photo of this yoga sesh. This is fucking ridiculous. Isn't this out of control? Fucking ridiculous. Book Paul. Ah.

This is crazy. Riddick is standing behind Finn doing who's bent over. And it looks like And it's horrifically bad AI. It's a it's the worst AI art. This is It's not even illustrated. It's not even illustrated. This book is bad. Isn't this crazy? Oh man. I know. Oh my god. This could be the worst one of the haul. This could be the worst of the thought. Pucked and pregnant was bad. Pucked impregnant was bad. This is insulting. Right. I'm mad. So no hey.

I I don't want to say, you know, no shade to the author like you wrote a book but This is I'm not sure you wrote it. Not good. You're right. I'm not sure how this came I'm not sure that this author's a person. They may be AI generated. I can show you who she is afterwards. Those videos can because I know. I know they can. I do believe she's a real person because I um know what the other AI

artists which isn't a thing look like. I just think she's that basic. That's bad. This is not so. It really is. And and we can stop if we No, we will get through this. Okay. So, anyway, so yeah, Finn stands up raging hard on just fully tented. And So Riddick's looking at him and looks down at his crotch and Finn's like, Sorry, it's been a few days since I've you know released. Right. And Riddick's like, I didn't ask

Yeah, why are you talking about your boner with me? Right. But he can't stop staring and he's like Well yeah. You know It draws the eye. Smirk for sure it draws the ear. Um and they continued to do yoga. Oh yeah, and I just wanted to show you that picture. Wish you hadn't.

Wait, you see the other ones? Can't wait. There's like four more. Um, so they end up going surfing together and Riddick kinda like lets his guard down a little bit and he's just teasing Finn the entire time and they're ha flirting, banter, whatever. And then that night Finn convinces Riddick to stay for dinner. And Riddick's like, I mean, I'll show you and meanwhile, Riddick's like

What's your family like? And he's like, Everyone's dead. Uh Mom's dead, dad's dead, I'm only child and he was like, So did your mom teach you how to cook? And he's like, Not really. So Riddick's like, Okay, well I'll teach you how to make this He's like, I want your nutrition on point, all this shit. Right. He's really daddying him. Right. Hardly.

God. And the daddy he doesn't even say daddy once in this book, by the way. You know what else is wild? I just wanna say now, is the AI book cover art and the AI art you just showed me, were we Paul. Two different prom This is crazy crazy. That is every picture of them in this book is complete. They're not illustrated.

Nuts. This is what they're talking about. It is what they're talking about, Paul. This is what they're talking about. I love the turn this is taking. Yeah. So he's cooking, he's like standing behind him, showing him how to chop onions, all this stuff. Yeah. Stupid shit. Yeah. They're touching each other and Finn's loving it. He's also

semi-bricked up. They're bonding. Mm-hmm. Um and then at the table there's some sauce on Finn's face and Riddick. Licks it off. Just wipes it off. Wipes it off. And Finn's like, I can't believe like we're actually flirting with each other. Yeah. Riddick goes after he wiped off the sauce, got a little too gay for him. He's like stands up, he's like, I gotta go. No homo, no homo.

Um and then Finn was like, Well is he gay? Has he ever been with a man? And then we get Riddick's perspective in the book for the first time. Riddick used to fuck the dead guy. Riddick used to fuck I'll tell you.

So we learn that he's just been fucking with him the entire time. He's like I can't believe he actually isn't jacking off. Like I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Like he's just been fucking with him the entire time. But he's intrigued by him, he's cute, he's like the first person he's felt connected to, all this stuff.

And he was also rock hard during the yoga session, but he had the wherewithal to flip up into his waistband. Yeah, yeah. But fit. Right. He's a grown up. Right. He's thirty eight. He's thirty eight. And so then we cut back to Finn and that night he takes a sleeping pill because he Has had to do that since his mom died. The nightmares. Um obviously.

And we get a Somnophilia scene. Are you f familiar with Somno? What's that? Is that like fuck me in my sleep? Yeah. So Somno is something that's in sh the author's clearly trying to be a dark romance author, but it's just not fucking landing. Well she included dark romance in the AI prompt that she put in.

book. Exactly, and they spit out this somnophilia scene. So he takes a sleeping pill, he's asleep in his bed, and we get a scene where Riddick is like sneaking into his shack. But it's just a fantasy? No, this is happening in IRL. And Riddick sees like the bottle of sleeping pills, he sees that Finn is like rock hard, and Finn is in his bed and he's like saying Riddick.

Riddick. Oh yeah. And Riddick's like, Oh man, he's having a fucking sex dream about me. So he like touches his dick, jerks him off until Finn comes all over himself and then leaves. So then he just thinks he had a wet dream, but really he got a hand. Yes, Paul. Yeah, he wakes up and he's like

Damn, I had a wet dream last night. That was crazy. I d I was like dreamt that Riddick was here touching me all this stuff. Um so the next morning Oh, and by the way, while he's like jacking off Finn, he's like saying all this shit like, Oh, you gorgeous boy, you Sweet boy, all this shit. Uh-huh. You're so beautiful, thin, all this fucking shit. I'm that I just Was r I mean, Paul, I would start at the top of a page and skip to the bottom and be like Yep, I just read that.

This is so insulting to gay men. It is. I'm insulting to gain. Look at your face right now and all that. And then we learn that he used to hook up with his friend Jet, which was in the crew, the surfing crew. So he's not straight. Riddick is not straight.

Obviously. So the next morning he comes in and he's like, Anything you need to tell me about? Yeah. Oh, I had a wet dream. I'm like, you get that that's not what. Finn and Finn goes, Yeah, I woke up covered in my age, so clearly and Riddick gets a big smile on his face and Finn's like, What's that about? And then Riddick says, Hmm, I'm disappointed. I thought you had more self control. Oh okay. Totally. And then Finn gets pissed when he's got a big thing.

And he goes, I'm gonna read to you a little bit from the book so you can get a vibe. Okay, I'll embrace myself. You ready? He goes, This is bullshit, Riddick. I didn't fail your little test. I didn't jerk off. And frankly I think it's fucking weird that you even made that rule. What does jerking off have to do with surf?

Who said it had anything to do with surfing? he asked, his tone completely flat and unreadable. You heard me, Finn, I won't repeat myself. If it doesn't have anything to do with surfing, then why did you tell me I can't masturbate? I never told you that you couldn't masturbate Finn. You're the one who said that. Yeah, but you just told me you were disappointed in me for coming in my sleep.

This is the level. I'm sick of whatever these fucking head games are, Riddick. Are you into me or not? Because yesterday it sure as shit seemed like you were into me, and now you're gaslighting me into thinking that never happened. There I did it, I just straight. You're right, I've been a dick.

So you are into me then. I said it like a fact, not a question. It doesn't matter, Finn. It does, it does matter. I'm not attracted to dudes, okay? Or I never was before. These last two days have been really confusing for me, and if there's a chance it's not one sided, I need to know or I'm gonna go crazy.

I stepped closer to him, my eyes stinging with tears for some reason. Tell me you're not attracted to me and I'll leave it alone. I'll never bring it up. All right, fine, I'm attracted to you. But I meant what I said. It doesn't matter. Nothing can come of it. I shouldn't have been playing with your head like that. And it stops now, okay? We need to focus on your training, no distractions.

I don't like this book. So he's like, I'm your coach, I'm too old for you, we're stopping this right now, we're not gonna do any of this. This there's they're just like saying things. They are just saying, you know, like there's no this isn't how people interact with each other. Nope. It's not organic. It's not organic. So he's like, all right, fine. Finn's like, all right, fine, then I won't pursue anything. So a few weeks go by and Riddick like won't touch him. Finn's pining after him.

every day his crush gets bigger and bigger and Riddick does Stay with him for dinner every night, but he just shows him how to cook. He doesn't really eat. He's like, Well I'm not I'll stay with you and cook, but he doesn't he's like, You're poor, like I'm not gonna eat your food. Oh well then bring groceries, bitch. Totally mean. Yeah. You should be cooking for me with your groceries.

Yes. Hello Daddy. Hello Daddy. Um so whatever, whatever. But obviously Oh, and Finn every time they do yoga still bricked up. Yeah. Riddick's still bri bricked up. Yeah. They're not trying to hide it. And then

Finn does seem to wake up every morning after the yoga session's covered in his own How does it keep happening? Uh-huh. Oh my goodness. So anyway, one day Riddick tells him they're gonna go to Leviathan's to study the patterns to what And he takes him through some brush. He's like, This is a little way to get through to Leviathan's and Finn's like, The beach has just been here the whole time? He's like, Yeah, don't you know that you technically own it, it's part of your property. Cool.

Great. And then he tells him, he was like, I know you've heard about twenty five foot swells, but actually these swells get from fifty to eighty feet. Oh my god. So we're going from twenty five to eighty. I'm sorry, is this like the day after tomorrow? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What tsunami, Johnny tsunami are we writing? Literally, Paul.

So they're going out. Yeah. On the ocean and Reddick is just like, This is really fucking serious. Like you don't take Well wait, are they at the Leviathan beach? Yeah, but it's summertime so So it's not eighty foot swells. No. Okay. And he's like, This is real life. People way better than you have died out here. Yeah. So My friends have died out here. Yeah. So get your fucking shit together. Yeah.

Um, and like they're on their boards and like while he talks about Jake dying, a tear rolls down Riddick's face. Well, people dying is sad. And so Finn, yep rubs it away, and then they like get close to each other and he brings his lip. They're floating. Just kiss me.

Um but finally Riddick is like, no, I told you we can't do this. And Finn gets pissed and he's like, Fine, then we're done. I'm done. I'm done doing this. We're not doing this anymore. Yeah, if you're not gonna feck me, then you can't coach me. If you're not gonna fuck me, then you can't come on my property and surf anymore either.

Um I'll call the police. And Reddick is just like, I'll fucking surf wherever the fuck I want. Yeah. And fin and Finn is like, Fine, I'll leave then. And it was so like Yeah.

Dumb. Anyway, so he goes home and he calls. He's like, I'll leave. I'll leave this shack. I'll leave this town. Uh. So he goes home and calls Turtle, his friend, and he's like, Hey man, can you come pick me up? And packs back now and I got in a fight with my Coach. Uh-huh. And so three days later he's been staying with Turtle in his van, and one day they're like watching heat.

Or point break. Point break, which is like I guess a eighties surfing movie. And Finn's like, Hey man, have you ever like jacked off thinking about a guy And Turtle's like No Homo. Yeah man. Yeah, like had a thing for Tom Sellack. And then what? Do they make out? No. They're stoned like turtles all stoned, so he's just like Yeah, I'm high. So I'm gay. I'm only gay when I'm. Maybe that's what it's been for me though.

Maybe especially gay. I'm just high a lot. Sure, five year old Paul. Yeah. Well, contact Hifer Merrick or something. My dad was a big sonar too. Yeah. It turned you gay. Turned me gay. So anyway, turtle turtles like dude, you gotta get out of your funk. Like whoever she is, you gotta get over her. I'm like, Did you not just hear what I said? Right. Gay stuff. Yeah, stupid. So they have a party. They go to a party last that night on the beach. and at the party some kid comes up to him.

He's like, heard you're gonna surf Leviathans. Yeah. Well, my dad, the mayor, has created a surf competition at Leviathan's Beach. That's right, because I own that beach. Uh-huh. And that's what he said. And he goes, Oh, you think my father didn't look into uh get the right permits to have this fucking surf competition in the winter? Like it's gonna draw in surfers from all over the fucking world. It's gonna be huge for this town. Blah blah blah blah blah. Okay. This is so It's like how bad

Yeah. And anyway, so the douche, his name's Kyle, by the way. Obviously. And he's like, My dad's been pl planning this for months. It's fucking happening. And then they He he like the guy his friend Blake, the girl, comes up to him and Kyle's like, Get the fuck out of here, Blake. Like, what are you doing? Can't you stay and fucking talking? And apparently they used to date and he was physically abusive to her. Okay. And so he like pushes her out of the way, which sets Finn off and

Finn gets on top of him and like beats the shit out of him. And she's like and she's like, Great, that's the mayor's son. You just did that too. It's gonna make your life a living hell. Yeah. Anyway, so she Kyle runs off. She is there like holding Finn's hands and then Riddick walks up and he's like What's going on here? Oh, you're partying and fighting. And so he drops his hands from Blake's and he's like, Riddick, what are you doing here? Like what are what the fuck are you doing?

And Blake's just like, Uh, I'm gonna go. So she leaves and then Riddick's like, Please just come back home and Finn's like, Why are you saying home? Like Have you been staying at my house? Right. So Riddick's like please, please just come back. Like So when they're back at the shaft He's like, I haven't changed my mind. I still think I'm really bad for you and this isn't a good idea, but I fucking want you and I can't

Hide it. So if you want to be together, Finn, let's be together. This book is ridiculous. There is no development. It's just like things are changing. Peoples are changing their opinions on things. Yes, Paul. Dum dum dum dum dum. And of course he pulls out the I'm not a good person, you deserve better line. She I For what and I'm not sure. No. We've just now heard it in a conversation. Right. This is all tell me, no, show me. Totally.

So Finn's like, Yeah, great. Let's let's do We're together now. Uh huh. We're we are we're together. Train me for the competition that has now landed on our laps that we have a reason to train for. Exactly. Great. And he's like Uh you have to continue trading me if like we're gonna be together and he's like all the he's like, yeah. So do you just want me for my surfing knowledge? Right. Are you

Um and then in this moment, after they've decided they're gonna be together, Riddick lifts Finn up, puts a bump against the wall, and kisses him. Sure. And Finn's like, take me to bed and then we get our first sex scene Finn's never even had anal sex before. But he's cleaned out and they're loose and he's heavy ready to go. Right. He's bouncing on the floor. Well, he preps him with three fingers. I'm like this would

Yeah, so he has anal sex that night. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that would happen. Power bottoms is gaped up. Comes hands free. Yeah. Obviously. Obviously. Um never had that prostate hit like that. Yeah. And like the s the smut honestly wasn't even great. Yeah, I don't think it Like it just rushed at one point I'm like, Wait, how did they get there? We missed I'm sure. I'm just like, My fucking God. Um I'm not buying

So and the whole time Riddick says stuff like, Oh look at your hole taking me so good, all this stuff. Look at your hole. Uh-huh. Yeah. I'm just like Could this be worse? Um and of course Riddick's like, You're mine. Yeah. It's like she's just taking hit hit words out of other smut books and putting them into one scene. Trendy. Yeah. Buzzword. Um

So then Finn falls asleep and we get rid of perspective and he's looking at Finn and he's like, God, I want him to be m be mine, but he can't be, not really, not when he finds out the truth. Um and he's like I'll keep training him so he makes it through Leviathan and then I'll tell him the truth the second he's done with the competition.

I that's what I literally had that thought. I was like, it's his dad. It's his dad. Um which would be insane. That would be yeah obviously. Yeah. In the meantime, I'm gonna treat him like he's mine and take care of him like he's mine. This whole daddy thing when they don't even say the word daddy. No, he doesn't like taking care of him. He's cooks him dinner at night. Yeah. Anyway, so at work, turtle

He Finn sees Turtle and Turtle's like, Hey, some people saw you arguing with Riddick at the party. What's going on with him? And Finn's like nothing. Um, he's like, Well, y word on the street is you're on Kyle's shit list now that you beat the shit out of him, so you might want to watch out for that. Cool, thanks, great. And then he notices he's like people

After Turtle tells him like people are wondering what's going on with him with Meritick, Blake was like a little weird toward him. He's like, Why are people acting all weird? Anyway, months go by. Okay. Say we're in the end of summer, maybe like September now or something.

Maybe even October. Um and Finn has like gained a lot of weight, in all the good places, muscle. Yeah, like he's eating well, training's going insane, everything's going well. Him and Riddick are having hot, crazy sex all the time. Um and Riddick has like pl practically moved in and they are just obsessed with each other. And Riddick tells him still continuously, he's like, I just don't want people

knowing that I'm training you. Just like don't just this whole time he's like to train someone else who died He's just being like, Keep my name out your mouth in public Leviathan or whatever. Yeah. So one day Finn goes and surfs with Turtle and Kyle and like Blake's on the beach and like all this stuff and He's surfing with Kyle now? Well, Kyle's like he's there surfing with Turtle and Kyle like drops in on him. Oh, he's like, dude, fucking can't do that. Yeah, he's a prick, you know.

eighties skipped. Yeah, that's I'm like this is very ski movie village. Uh-huh. Like yeah, only surfing. Only surfing. It's a reverse Johnny Tsunami. And so and Kyle's doing it to everyone. He's wiping everybody out. Like he's he's a liability, he's dangerous.

Um, and he's been doing that all summer, like just trying to terrorize Finn. And then Finn gets on shore and she's like, You surf like Riddick, like you look like Riddick's style when you surf like that. Okay. And so he goes home that night. And he's like people are like talking about you, like what's the deal with you? What's going on? Like and Riddick's just like, I'll tell you after Leviathan's. I'll tell you after Leviathans.

And he's like riddled with guilt or whatever. Sure. That he's gonna break Finn's heart so soon. And so now we're cut to Will we got a wife and kids? We're in November now. Okay Obligatory. Yeah, obviously. So now we're in November and it's like the day of

Finn's mom's death anniversary and he's like in bed, depressed, can't get out of bre bed. And Riddick just like stays with him and comforts him. So now they've been together for like six months. Yeah. Or seven months. They're going steady. Um and Riddick says I like it. They say it. Great. And they're just like crying, holding each other and all this stuff.

Heartbreak is on its way. Yes. So it's December and Finn's been surfing Leviathans, bigger and bigger waves and all this stuff. But he's like realizing like these waves are no joke. He's like, okay, I'm seeing the power of this shit. I can't feel fear, but like I guess I'm getting And one day they're coming back to the house from Leviathan's and they see Kai and Jet, which

our Riddick's friends. Friends, yeah. Surfer friends. Walking up to Finn's door and they're knocking and Riddick is like, Hold on, stop. Like, I don't want to see them right now. Just let them leave. Just let them see that you we're not here and leave. And he's like, Why don't you want to see your friends? Why don't you want me to meet your friends? Right.'Cause I'm your dirty little seeker. Exactly. And Riddick is just like, I know I have to tell him. I know I have.

But he decides not to tell him in that moment.

So the next day Kai and Jet show up in Star's Cove while Finn and Turtle are surfing again, and they come up to Finn and they're like Are you responsible for the surf competition up in Leviathan's? Like, you know our buddy died there and now you're sensationalizing it and people are gonna come out here and a lot of people are gonna get hurt. And Finn's like, that's fucking Kyle's thing. Don't talk to me about that. I'd be like, how can they do it if it's on your property?

Yeah. Like how you can't have permits to override someone's property. I mean is this like imminent domain? Is this the military? Your guess is as good as mine on how this works. Yeah. Um the justification was that the mayor went through the proper permit. That doesn't mean anything at all. That doesn't solve the problem. Okay.

It's like I'm already hungry. And this is And this is making me angry. And it's just like Well, and it's the fact that your book guesses are better than this book that's actually been published. We're almost done. Yeah, thank God. Right. This is a very short one. Good. Um He's like, Whatever, that's that's Kyle's thing. Man, I just live there. So anyway, cut two.

he gets to work with Turtle after surfing and he sees the newspaper article announcing the surf competition, which is like, I don't know, in a month in January or whatever. And on the front page there's a picture of like Kai Jet um Jake Whitling. And it says the surf competition is in memory in memory of Jake Whittling will be holding this competition. The trophy will be called the Riddick. Okay. Oh, so I'm chasing the Riddick. Exactly.

And the picture is of Kai Jett and Riddick, Jake Riddick Whitling. So this whole time is this the first we're hearing the word Reddick? No. Okay. Remember?'Cause I mean he was like arguing, everyone's like oh you we were uh we saw you arguing with Riddick on the U.S. yes yes. I I I'm seeing it. I gotta tell you, I have been half paying attention to this book the whole time'cause I'm so mad about it. That's it. Also I'm starving. But that's fine.

So he's supposed to be the dead guy? Yeah. But he faked his death. That's what I thought. It's like he faked his death? No, Paul, Riddick is a ghost. Riddick is not alive. He's been dead this whole time. Paul is getting up and walking away. He's gotta get something to eat to eat this buttons What do you mean? Yes, a ridiculous people have seen him. They didn't see him. They were like I hate this book. Genuinely.

I'm gonna cry. It's offensive. Do you want to get a cheese? Cheese couldn't help me now. So he's reading this newspaper article seeing Kai Jet and Riddick, who is Jake Whitland.

And he freaks out, runs home, sprints home. So let me let me get ya Let's fucking land this plane. We are. I need to depart. He gets in, runs into the house and he sees Riddick and he goes, You found out he whispered. Explain, Finn says. Just wait. It's not even that I'm like, oh, you got me, I'm surprised. It's just so dumb. I know. It's just so dumb. I know. This one bitch in this review goes. You won't see the you won't see it coming. Yeah, because it's dumb.

First of all, I I did see it coming. This whole time I was like, That's Jake. I would just thought I was like maybe Jake, but not a girl. And it's painfully Cliche I don't even know. Cliche is not even the word. It's just it's just dumb. It may it was like, let me address the prompt to say interesting ending. Yes, Paul. And this is what So Riddick says, What is there to explain, Finn? The truth is right here staring up at you, he's looking at the newspaper.

It's not possible. What did you fake your own death? Is that why you won't go into town? I didn't fake my death, Finn. You must have. You can't be. You're right here, you can't be. I'm dead, Finn. I'm sorry you found out like this. I wanted to tell you, I just I didn't know how to do it. Also not how ghost rules work. Well, and the writing. I'm dead Finn. I'm sorry you found out this way.

Like in Pen Pal, how w she found out that she was That was a mic drop like a what's going on, what's going on, what's going on. This is a story I already wasn't interested in. Yeah. Having something else happen. That I don't care about interested in. And so he goes, No

I was shaking again, I backed away feeling like I could literally die from the horror of what he was telling me. I wish you would. Baby, I'm so sorry. Don't you fucking baby me? I screamed at him. This is like if a thirteen year old. I fucking loved you. You made me love you and you're not even fucking real. Am I crazy? Am I having a mental fucking breakdown? So

Finn cries himself to sleep last night. Can't believe Riddick's dead. And Riddick is just like sick about it. He's like, I've broken this poor boy. And so Ghosts like aren't around then. Like when it's a ghost thing, they like disappear and appear and disappear. They're not just like a steady, stagnant That's why he likes Fiddicks so much so quickly is'cause Fiddle

Wha w Finn. Fit it Fitdick this dick in your mouth. That's why he liked Finn so much because Finn's the first person who's seen him in a year. Finn no one's has seen him. Oh that's why he was a recluse. So anyway.

He goes out front and he can see Jet coming up to the door and he's gonna like knock on it. Knock on it. So Jet comes knocking on the door, Finn opens it, and he can see Riddick over there, but obviously Jet can't see. And he like lets him in and Jet's like, Hey Blake said you ran out of work. Like, is everything okay? And he's like, Well, why did they send you over here?

Like why stranger who I don't know? Don't know, like have talked to twice. Okay. Mm-hmm. And Jet like sits down, they're sitting at his dining room table, and Riddick like sits on the couch and is watching them. And Riddick is like Riddick is like God, Finn is so Jets type, like he's definitely gonna hit on him. Great. I just need like a smash cut of all the eye rolls. This is so dumb. Oh, I it's the worst book I've ever read.

And so Jet is like, I'm intrigued by you. Like your surfing style looks exactly like Riddick's. Like how do you surf like him? All the stuff, like all all the stuff. You surf like my ex boyfriend? Uhhuh. Exactly. And Jet's like, so do you have like I know the competition is coming up, do you have like a surf coach? And Finn like looks at Riddick and is like, Well I guess I don't And Jet's like, Okay, cool, I'll be here tomorrow morning, I'll be your

Well be your new uh So he's gonna start fucking Jet. Oh, by the way, just just remember that this entire time Rinnick has been calling Finn sharkbait from Finding Nemo. Disgusting. And there's been Finding Nemo Gust Just keep that in mind. Oh my god. So the next morning, Jet comes over and has breakfast with Finn, and Riddick's just like

Don't you fucking let him touch you like saying this shit to Finn. And um he Finn still doesn't know at this point that Jet and Riddick were hooking up. Oh, okay. Still doesn't know. Jet just says, Oh yeah, me and Riddick were like really close.

And then so Finn puts his hand over Jet's when he's talking about Riddick because Jet's getting sad talking about Riddick. And he's like, I'm so sorry for your loss and then Riddick comes over and is like, Don't fucking touch his hand. Like he's all possessive and jealous and shit. You're dead. You're lucky on burn some sage to get you the fuck out of here. Yeah. And so

Um, and then he says, and you don't touch him and don't let him touch you. And Finn's like You're gonna watch. I'm gonna cut Finn from the other side. Yes. That would have been better than what happens, Paul. That doesn't happen? No, that doesn't happen. Okay. So Riddick's like go surf with jet whatever but be home for dinner. We need to talk about this And so...

That day, while they're surfing, he lands like a twenty five footer or whatever and he's like, Yeah. And then Jett tells him they're talking about Riddick again and Jet's like, Yeah we actually buried Riddick on his property. Like do you want me to take you to his headstone and his grave? Finn's like Yes, please I need. There's a picture of it and the person who's supposed to be Finn. Is a completely different person. Every single photo of this person is different.

Crazy different. Yeah. So then so then, Paul, that looks like a small gravestone, right? Yeah. Like maybe like a foot taller. Leviathan tamer. Oh, and Jet tells him in that moment that him and Riddick were boyfriends. Anyway, so in the book From the house, Riddick is watching Finn look at his grave. Seeing him get sad. Finn's like, okay, Jet, I need some time to myself. Like, you can go now. So Riddick comes over to Finn, who is at Riddick's grave, and What? Riddick's like

Finn's like, I want you. I know I can't fight this, but I want you Are you gonna take up the body? I want you forever. That would have been better than what happened. Like that would've at least been like something something. And Riddick's like, I'm fucking deser I'm dead. You deserve life. Mine is over. Yeah.

And Finn's like, I don't care. I just I'll stay here forever with you. I just want you like Yeah, I'm like, what's the downside? You get to live on the beach and have a crazy great surf instructor who's dead and fucks you all the time. Yeah. And then you die and then you join him. Right. You own this shack already. Like So Riddick's like, fuck it. Let's be together. Let's do it.

Fuck it. Let's do it. And then Finn's like, I want you to fuck me right now. And Riddick's like, over my grave. And Finn's like, yeah. And in the book. He like bends him over the grave, except for this is like a foot tall. But in the book it's like up to his chest. Yeah. Nothing's lining up. Well no, this whole book doesn't line up. Um so he fucks him over his grave.

And then Oh, and I bet that the fucking author was like, This is crazy. This is oh this is I'm onto something different. No one will ever have thought to do something like this. Yeah.

So th uh I I highlighted this for you to see the level of writing we're talking about. This is the next chapter. It was really it was weirdly easy to forget that Riddick was actually dead once I made the conscious decision to just accept it.

Waking up the next morning to find him wrapped around me was just as good as it had been when I'd thought he was alive. I was honestly even better now because he didn't have a problem coming into town or hanging out with me while I spent the day with Jedder Turtle. Now that I knew, he wasn't worried about me freaking out. about them not being able to see him see or hear him. So when I surfed with Jet the next day, Riddick came along too.

This is the level of riding we've got to be so bad for people. It's so bad. So a few days later, conditions are perfect and there have been seventy foot waves now. So Jet Kai Turtle, Finn and Riddick. Yeah. I really hope for that. I hope you die and don't come back. Yeah, you move on. Right. And now Riddick's alone. So they're all they're all out there and like, you know, Jet and Kyra like on a

What are those things called? Jetski? Yep. I was gonna say ski do, which is the same thing. Um just in case like Finn falls, whatever, so it's like a big deal that he lands a seventy foot wave, goes off without a hitch. Everyone's the next whatever week.

When it's the day of the competition, it's all stormy and cloudy out and everyone's scared. And Finn's like, Well, they would have called the competition if it wasn't safe. Like, I know what I'm doing, and Riddick's like, I just have to let go and let God. I just have to let you do your own thing. Okay. Uhhuh. And so turtles like Love you man, good luck. Like your your heat's up next which I guess you go with like multiple people out on a heat, whatever.

So Turtle's like, Yeah man, when you're done, we'll like take Shelly out, that's the name of his van. We'll take Shelly out and uh have a bonfire, love you man and he's like, Yeah, I love you too, Brian. Yeah, all this shit. And so he starts shredding. It's an eighty foot wave and things are fucking nuts. And then out of nowhere

Kyle drops in. Kyle drops in. Yeah. From where? From where? From the top. Which causes Finn to pfft fall. Oh. Free fall. Eighty feet. And Riddick's like, F And he like hits the water, he like feels his bones break and all this shit. And uh free falling lands, Riddick goes under the water and is like talking to him, and Finn's like, How are you talking to me on the water? Go.

I'm dead. Aren't you getting it? What do you not get about it? And Finn is like trying to talk to him and Ruddick's like, Save your air, don't talk. Yeah. Um but he's like can't fight the urge to take a breath. And so Finn's like, There's a light. I see a light and Riddick's like go, go to the light. Like if it's calling to you, go. And Finn's like, I don't wanna go. I'm not gonna leave you here alone forever. So I'm not gonna go to the light. So then Riddick is like carrying

Spirit as like Finn's body floats away. Mm-hmm. In the water. And they make it back to shore. And they're watching everyone freak out. Turtles crying, everyone's freaking out. Hours later they find Finn's body and bring it up on the beach and turtle's laying over it.

My dad, I thought we were gonna like we had all these plans, all this stuff, you know? And Finn's sobbing. Finn walks up to Turtle and is trying to touch him, like it's okay. Uhhuh. So Jet goes up to f Turtle and goes, It's okay, man, he's with my best friend now. Great. Um and so They're standing on the beach and you know, Jet says all that stuff that they're together now, and then it cuts to

Finn and Riddick, and they're like looking at each other, and they're like, It will be, it will be us forever on this beach. We can be together forever now.

I can't believe there is one. Five years later. Yeah, they've just been surfing and shredding. It's from ooking and ookin'. It's from Jet's perspective. Right. Leviathan's is closed, has been closed. Kyle got charged with involuntary matches. You should go to prison.

And he was in br he's been sentenced to five to ten years. Jets like he's been in there for five. I'm sure daddy's gonna get out He's probably about to get out. But Turtle married Blake and they don't care. Yep. And they bought they all bought Finn's shack but won't let anyone live in it. It's homage. But they go to the private beach once a week and they all are a happy family now. And Jet swears to God when he looks out at the ocean he can see what looks like two surfers.

And it looks like they're just in the sunset surfing so how. Paul, that was the book. That was the closest to like should Should we stop Should we stop? That's how I've ever gotten. And do you wanna I mean nothing happened Nothing happened. That was garbage. And people are like, Oh my god, he's been dead the whole Wake Up. Yeah. Yeah. Embarrassing. Embarrassing. It's embarrassing. That was embarrassing. So I apologize to the audience. Yeah.

Me too. For listening to that stinker. Yeah. Go back and listen to last week's again, actually. Listen to see if ruin again. I've personally listened to Sea of Ruin two times all the way through because I love that episode. That was a great one. That was a wild ride. That was a good time. So do you wanna know what I thought this book was?

So Paul, online I'm seeing this cover, right? But you can't really see much past here. I thought it was a merman. I thought it was a story about merman. And I again didn't read the synopsis. Yeah. So I was like the cover's very Mermaid Mermaid I was like, he's gonna go to these waves.

And there's gonna be a fucking merman living under and he's gonna fall in love with a merman. Which would have been way ha cool. Thirteenth year aluminum Yeah, thirteenth year. I was like fuck yes, I'm so I'm reading this book like when when do we get to the merman? Yeah. When does it turn out that he's actually a mer a merman? Yeah. He was walking on the beach only during the day or something. Like Dude. Yeah, I was like, Is this a reverse aerial? Dude, I know.

I don't know what I was thinking. And so you just you thought there were Whatever. I mean it lo it's so bad. The pictures are so bad. Yeah, it's it's uh This is the only picture that matches another picture. Yeah, and the cover. It's embarrassing. It's so bad. Anyway. Well, glad that's over. Excuse me, sorry. Excuse you. In more ways than one. So

Here's hoping next week's isn't a dud. Yeah, otherwise this podcast is over. I know we're just gonna have to We're just gonna have to close up shop. I I don't think it's gonna be bad. Okay. Um it is a recurring author that I know you enjoy. Okay. And I enjoy her as well. And listeners enjoy her. Okay. Um, it's gonna be called hold on. Because book one is the name flipped. Okay. Demons and doves. It's part two of the series, but it's uh it's a standalone. Like we'll get into it next week, but

It is part two. It's called Demons and Doves. Part one is doves and demons. Doves and demons. Oh wait, demons and doves. I don't know. Okay, shit. Say it again. Demons and doves. Demons and doves. Demons and doves. Demons and doves. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'll tell you what I think. Okay. I think the Demons and Doves is about uh it's gonna be set in like the nineteen

80s. Okay. Let's say like the 80s. I thought you were gonna say something. No, no, no, no. I know. But no. I'm gonna say like the eighties. And it is a period piece, I will tell you. Sounds like a period piece. Well, I mean I want to do like a church thing, but I don't think I'm going to. Oh. Because that feels a little too on the nose. Yeah. Oh, it's a little true. Okay, this is what I think. This is what I think. 1980s. It starts out in where what what are we?

OK, I'll tell you. OK, I'll tell you. No, okay, I'll tell you. So it starts out. So it starts out. It starts out. It starts out. Okay. It starts out on a boat. Okay. Alright. And it's a boat from like To Ireland. Okay. From the mainland. So a ferry. A ferry, you could say. Yeah. And it's gonna start out and it's gonna be people on a ferry going.

Okay, it's a little bit more. It's already better than chasing Reddit. Alright. Um and some and it's gonna be like a stormy night. Picturing it. And the people are all, you know, huddled under, you know, inside, whatever. tr it's fucking rough seas and it was like real iffy if the ferry was even gonna go. But that captain's a crazy captain so he's like fuck it. And the people that decided to go, like they all like had desperate reasons that they needed like to get to Ireland for whatever

So it's gonna be like not that many passengers, just like the people that really needed to, and the captain, whatever. And so it's gonna be we're gonna follow a like At this time she's probably like she's young. She's like nineteen and she is from England and she's going on a mission and she's gonna go spend some time like in a like nunnery in Ireland, right? And she's like has to get there. She's

Her mission. She must go. And she believes in the world. I was thinking mission impossible. No no no no. She's on a mission. Okay, I get it. She's on a mission. Uh and so whatever, she's gonna be there and that she's gonna notice that there's like uh

guy who's like racing to get to his pregnant wife and like no planes were going so he had to take the ferry. She's like in labor. He's trying to get there in time. Whatever. He's frantic. There's gonna just be like a family who's been trying to get home because Looking so good. So they're they're cutting their vacation short, they're going back. And then there's like a group of like

three like gnarly looking, fucking mischievous like biker guys. Irish bikers. And you know they're they've got whatever their reasons to need to get back. So shit's gonna go south on the boat. We're losing power. People are getting sloshed. I mean they get hit by a big wave. Like the ship's not going down. It loses power and like one of the engines is like busted because they get hit with like a crazy wave. And like in all that people are getting tossed round, it's chaos, like whatever.

Everyone's like fine. Emergency lights come back on. They're trying to get the engine fixed so that they can just like limp their way through the storm. Hopefully it's crazy. Everyone's scared. But like one of the bikers, he got slammed against a window, big old gash in his head. He's knocked unconscious.

Our girl, she's got some first aid training, whatever. She helps him out. Uh the like leader of those like three little biker dudes, he's like very appreciative, whatever. That whole thing happens. We like we read through Right. And then we like cut to five years fucking like later. Did she living in Ireland? She's like the head of her little mission. Not like head of it, but she's you know, she's been there for a while. She's like very subject.

Then I don't know, some shit's gonna go down, the bikers are gonna roll into town basically, and they're taken over. There's some Shit's going on. The demons. The demons. And that's obviously the name of the biker group is the demons. Is the demons. And then

It's like the head of the demon group that came. He's not the head of the demons. He's just like the general of the of this sector or whatever com that's coming into town and like they have their reason for coming into the city. Sure. Yeah. I can't remember.

But so, you know, at some point, you know, the church. Sure, yeah, you know. The church will hear about them. There'll be some kind of confrontation, the demons show up. Like we need these demons out of here. Yeah, well it's just like, you know

We're a welcoming village, but like we're a peaceful town, so if you're coming in here to run drugs through here or whatever, like we don't want any of that. Or guns in Ireland it could it could be. But when they, you know, come to the church and have their little like meet'cause like She's gonna recognize the leader as one of the demons that she helped and he's gonna recognize her and he obviously never stopped thinking about her like she had that gentle touch and she blah blah blah blah blah

So they're gonna be up to some nefarious business gum in here, drugs guns whatever. And I'm not gonna have the like I'm not seeing them as like redemption. They're not like They're antiheroes. They're antiheroes. They're not running like methadone stuff or whatever. Like we've heard in the past.

Morally gray. They're morally gray. Like they're just doing whatever they're doing what bikers do. Yep. They have their like biker code so that at least they have that. They're not like gross disgusting. But they're all hundred percent doing illegal stuff and they do not care and they uh fully plan on using this town. Two.

Run their shits. Like him even more. Yeah. Whatever. But he's gonna keep coming around. He's gonna like try to woo her. She's gonna be like against it. Whatever, whatever. It's gonna be a

semi drawn out thing, but like she also never stopped thinking about him. Yeah. Obviously. She was like that was And even questioned for a second, like, can I do this if I'm having these feelings? But she's like, I'll just pray these away. Yeah. Whatever, whatever. And then You know, rival bikers come into town, there's gonna be a fight, they're gonna end up back at the church because they can't go to the hospital because They're bikers. So she's gonna be patching them up and then they're gonna

Doctor and while he's all worried about she like sees how worried he is about his like men that are hurt and she likes Oh what a good leader blah blah blah blah blah. Yes. One thing leads to another, she breaks her vows, they're f

Yeah, they start this illicit affair. It's gonna be super, super hot. Secret meetings in the church, her sneaking out at night to meet at the biker thing and like, you know, just crazy shit. Fucking in her none outfit. You know, her habit? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's gonna be why. He's confessing sins while they're having sex. It's like confession sex. Crazy.

Crazy. Ten helmets. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then eventually it'll like turn into something where somehow his friend's gotta get in on it too. Is this a white choose or no? Oh, you know what? I could see it, I guess. I could see it. But like his she becomes like She becomes

alter ego like dom chick where like they come in and like serve her. Shut up So it's like hi hits like King and Queen of the Bikers. Uh-huh. But then during the day like her covers I'm this you know, she gets fully

And then eventually like the re the happy resolution of the story is cause whatever, rival backlog gang, police are involved. There's like shit going on here in the biker world while they're having all of this. Right. And whatever solution they come up with is gonna be like Running shit through the And that becomes the cover. Fuck yeah. And they just set up this like great system where the biker and it's like the so the churches.

Funded. Yeah. The church is churching. Charities are out. Like the hungry are being they are good. Yeah. But also communities thrive. I got fucking assault rifles in the basement. Yeah. You know, we're sending things it's holy water but it's drugs. Like, you know, crazy shit's going on. I love that. And that's like they end with this great like they she The little dove becomes a demon. Oh, I love that. I love the corruption that's very fun. Okay. Yeah, that was better than chasing Reddit.

I never want to think about this ever again. If you want to do a ceremonial burning of the book, we can. It's gonna this is gonna be a tough one to edit. I know I don't want to have this book in my home. Yeah, I wouldn't either. Yeah. What if you died and then people went into your house and were going through your stuff and they found that? Right. Yeah. I'd rather them find this.

I would rather them find my other things than this. Yeah. And those are the things that I'm going to do that would be less embarrassing. It is. Anyway, yeah. Yeah. So we'll see. We will. Alright, thanks, Paul. No, thank you. You're welcome. Okay. Okay. Bye. Yeah, I was bad. Oh, uh worst book I've ever.