That Tracks

Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.

Hello, everybody, we are scrubbing in.

It's been a minute.

It has been a minute because we did pre recorded shows and this is an actual Monday fun day.

Yeah, afreshy as they say.

I don't know who says that, but somebody.

Referenced the term for oh it's Teddy Mellencamp. Oh, but it was something totally different. But she called him ssh and I was like, I like that term. Okay, so we'll adopt that for today.

Another thing that I learned over the weekend is it tracks.

That's like if something makes sense at tracks.

Yeah, that's something the kids are saying these days.

I feel that's been around for a minute.

Oh really, Yeah, that's not new. Uh huh, it's new to me. That's good though. Yeah, you start hearing me say that that.

They say, one man's trash is another man's treasure. Yeah.

Are you doing I'm doing good? How are you?

I'm good?

You just got home yesterday?

I did. I spent a full week in New York. I don't think I've ever done that. I think that's the longest I've ever been strictly in the city of New York.

And you and Haley are no longer long distance.

She landed like twenty minutes ago.

Wow.

God, it was rocky. It wasn't perfect, but we did it. Yeah.

You know they say that the only way through, No, the only way out, the only way out through.

Yeah, thank you. We got there. Yeah, and you went through it.

Yeah.

It was not easy. No, it was not a straight path.

It sure wasn't.

It was not.

It was quite a windy path. Uh, ups and down, peaks and valleys.

Yes, and we're here, we're here at the finish line.

The finish line you went through I did.

Are you proud of yourself?

Yeah? I would like to have handled some moments better, but all in oh yeah, I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of both of us because she, uh, while I was going through it also meant she was going through it, wow on tour. So we did it and she's back and now she'll probably have like post tour blues, you know. Yeah, yeah, like the come down because like you're on stage every night with people literally chanting your name.

Right, and then she comes home and you're like.

I don't speak like that, nor do I say that but like maybe Phoebe and I can just like imitate an audience till she like fully comes down, you know. Yeah. So I speaking of Phoebe. I so I was gone for a week and I go to pick her up. She goes and hides under the bed like she did not want to leave, which is comforting in the fact that she loves it there. She loves it there. Yeah, but also like, damn, that's tough.

You know, it's tough.

Yeah, I've been processing that a lot as well. I've moved up from the Haley stuff and now I'm focusing on the rejection from Phoebe.

So it's funny because it happens to me.

But the reverse, like when I leave Sonny, when I leave her, I wish she was more sad to see me go, you know, like she could care less. But when I come home together her, when I come back together, she's really excited. You Know.

What I think happened is that Brooks Alley's dog was there, and he is like obsessed with me, so he came up to me first. I was petting him when she came up, and I think she kind of got like jealous. Yeah, like you're gonna acknowledge him first. Yeah, I'd be the same. She's a little bit like me, so much like you.

It's so the fact that our dogs are quite literally the doppelgangers of our own personalities.

Is pretty wild.

It is.

It's pretty good. Yeah, But New York's so fun. There's such a fun energy there that like you don't really find anywhere else. Do you feel that way? So?

Uh, yeah, I get what you're saying in terms of like the buzz, but like, don't you feel tired there?

Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. I one of the nights we so so Hailey was there Sunday or Monday to Wednesday, and then she went on to finish the tour and then I hadn't booked my flight back yet, and it was Wednesday night at Hailey show, and I was talking to Marla and she ended up getting a job that was in New York on like Tuesday, and so she was like, oh my gosh, do I just stay here or do I like go all the way

That is fun because I feel like every time I go to New York, I a.

Ohays so but Hailey. So, Hailey's book came out, Girls Like Girls everyone.

I got my copy in the mail, I got the.

Five copies I ordered. I have the Sunshine mine and Girls Like Girls just like stacks of them. And then so she went on Good Morning America, which was really cool. And then that was a very early morning as you know, as a fellow author.

A fellow author, Yeah, I know the grind.

I'm just like everyone around me is just like authors, and it's so casual, you know, just drop breasts. Yeah, dropping books left and right.

Yeah, you know, other people are dropping babies. We're dropping books. I said, weird, y'all are dropping books. And then she had two shows that were in uh, New York, she sold out Irving Plaza two nights in a row, which is really cool.

And then it was really fun. I had a great time. And then I did a shoot. I did a magazine shoot. I don't know how much I can talk about it, but it's for Pride, Happy Pride Month, everybody, everybody. So yeah, it was really fun and I'm I feel fine, not exhausted as I normally do. From New York.

Yeah, yeah, wow, what'd you do?

So I went to Austin, Yeah, which I there.

I just have so many things to say, Like, I have so many thoughts and so many things going on. First of all, I always forget how much I enjoy Teddy Mellencamp.

She's hilariously enjoyable to be around.

She really is, like there's always something coming out of her mouth that just like makes me laugh.

And so I spent.

I mean it was only in Austin for twenty four hours, but I spent, like I went. We went back after dinner, We went back into Teddy's room and I just stayed in there for like two and a half hours, just talking.

Yeah, just till the wee hours of the morning.

And that's where Freshy came up.

That's where fresh she came up.

Yeah, but the hotel that we were staying in was haunted, so like none of us wanted to go to bed, which is why I think we all stayed up till the wee hours of the morning.

But yeah, the hotel was haunted.

Who found out?

Uh, I don't know. I think maybe Tara figured it out.

But it's like famously known, Like it's like there's articles online about how haunted this hotel is. I know, when you walk in, you do not get warm, cozy vibes at all. So I was already thrown off by the hotel, and then when they told me it was haunted, I was like, I'm done, Like I'm done, I'm not going to sleep tonight.

It's fine.

So I think I guarantee you it's the power of suggestion. For sure, I guarantee you. I would have stopped like a baby in that hotel. I don't know what.

Baby as well.

It was just yeah, yeah, the stinch problem is haunted or just like a bad suit. But you're so right.

If I didn't know it was haunted, I probably would have been fine. But because I knew that it was, I was just kind of.

Like on it, or if you didn't believe in that stuff.

I don't believe in that.

You clearly do.

If you can't sleep because of the suggestion that there's a ghost watching you.

No, and then this is the best thing. So do you know Christine Taylor is.

From Yeah, Ben Stiller's X.

Yes, well and Current they got back together.

Oh my god, good for them.

But I I'm not sure how long.

Recent they separated.

For a while, they separated, but they never divorced.

I think I had like a she has like Jennifer Anniston vibes.

Yes, okay, she is so lovely in person. I could not get over it. So Ashley, I spills like an entire cup, like this big of coffee just straight up into her bag and it was a really nice bag, like a really nice bag, and just got everything in there, just drenched, and like you know, like when something like happens like that, you can feel the person that like build on gets tense, but they're like, you know, playing

I really really liked her.

Great, shall we have her on the podcast?

Yeah, well we could get her.

She hosts one of our podcasts, right, that's what she loved to have her. I feel like she was in the Brady Bunch, right, yeah.

She was Marsha Brady.

Yeah. Yeah that's great news. Yeah that tracks right, yeah, that does track.

Yeah, that tracks, good job, Tanya, Yeah, in tracks.

But so I really enjoyed her, and I mean everybody there and got to see Ben, So it was fun.

It was like fun to be in Austin.

But it was weird because I wasn't there with Becca, and like, uh, I equate it to kind of like high school or like everybody has their kind of like clicks, you know, because everybody was there with their podcast partner, so it was like they had their podcast partner with them, and then Teddy had Jenny Jenny Garth who does Nino too, and om Gene, so like they had like their little they were going to dinner, the two of them, and

I didn't even know it was a thing.

Well because I wasn't on the panel, so it wasn't like it wasn't a part of it. I was just moderating.

Well, yeah, she text me and she's like, everyone's going to dinner and everyone separated. I'm like, you literally are friends with all of these people, like just be like, hey, can you fit one more?

So everybody did invite me, that's the thing, Like I had to invite you.

It was just a pity party.

Yeah yeah. I was like, but like Beca's not here, and like I don't have my person.

Here with your security blanket.

Yeah, it was weird.

I get that sometimes, going to those things without like the like when you're a person.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that.

Well, thanks for missing me. I just nice to be missed because Phoebe didn't. And yeah, well.

Yeah Phoebe did not miss you, but I certainly did.

I really appreciate that. How was the arcade with the fan. I was like dying laughing at Robbie's story of you doing the VHR was a VHR.

It's like VR VR.

VR, yeah, vhs bom that tracks.

I'm okay. So I've never done VR like that before.

So I didn't realize that I was in a room with just like it was just a room with plexiglass. I was doing this maze and so when this monster came out and attacked me, I was like kneeling down because I didn't want to hit me.

Like I didn't know.

I didn't realize. And also I had headphones and so I couldn't hear that. They were like literally right there like robbing. The kids are there laughing hysterically at me, and I'm like dodging this thing hitting me and like trying to shoot it and stuff.

It was actually really fun. I've never done it before.

But Haley, first of all, you would love the place that we went to. Yeah, I mean two Bit Circus. It's in downtown LA and it's just like a giant arcade. So there's like arcades and or it's like games like you know, pac Man, and they have like all like the ski ball and stuff.

They all this They have like Papa shot.

Yes, they have all that stuff, and then they had those VR things. They had things that you could like fly wow.

Yeah, that was like my go to whenever I was dating. We would, I would I would talk about that. That was like a skill that I had. Yeah, like Papa shot, quick shot basketball thing at arcades and then obviously guys would be like, Okay, let's let's go to the arcade, and I would dominate. Actually, I need your help.

I don't know if you can tell that my nails are broken.

Oh yeah, they are one of them.

Yeah.

So Robbie's kids are really into basketball right now. Okay, and that's all we're playing lately.

Oh do you need some skills? I would like some practice. Yeah, I'd like to be better, Tanya. What if we document, like we do a series where we're like secretly practicing and then we all go play and you like crush it.

Yeah, because I'm not bad. Surprisingly, I'm not terrible.

Yeah, you're weirdly. You have some athletic ability that comes out in.

Weird like athletic adjacent Yes, yeah, like I wouldn't say an athletic, but I'm like almost there.

Yeah.

Yeah, And so I want to.

I want to be a better teammate for the like the kid that the team that I'm on, you know, because Robbie is obviously really good and so they're always winning.

Yeah, we gotta get to Yeah.

Yeah, that's I'm gonna shorten my nails.

Yeah, step, it's hard to shoot with long nails.

What I realize is when I'm blocking is when they break because I'm I'm good at defense.

You just blocking like that? Yeah yeah, regarding the children or yeah.

So anyways, I need your help.

Okay, I'm so down for this. Yeah. I would love to give like lessons practice.

Yeah, so come over because we've got the hoop now.

Oh great, I have a hoop too.

Oh wow.

Yeah, so we can prop it up.

Hoop and have summer twenty twenty three. They're not ready, No, no, no.

Should we take a break.

Yeah, to discuss we miss the Taylor Swift stuff. What the new songs?

Oh my, because we were we were pre recorded that episode.

We'll be right back with that. We're back, okay. So right after we recorded the podcast, Taylor dropped some what it was like an extended version of the deluxe album. Yeah.

What I realized is hits different is from the Vault of Midnights, okay, And then the other one is I don't even know where You're losing me?

You're losing me? Is I don't know.

It was just it was kind of what The Lakes was for.

But the Lakes you can find on iTunes. This one is just originally.

It was on just a CD originally and then she eventually put it on.

How much longer is she gonna make us?

Way? No? But listen the fact that she got people to download a digital copy from her website. I don't even know where it is on my phone anymore. I don't know.

I only have the link you sent me. That's the only thing I've been listening to.

That's I need to go back to that and find it because I can't find it in my drop box that's where it's living. It's been crazy. But the fact that she has the power to get people to do that or to like go to the storm. But who has a CD player? Not me? I don't have. I don't you probably have? Like the first Yeah, I imagine Easton has a room full of like relics of is that a good word? Thank you so much.

I like a lot of dumb old stuff. So I have a lot stuff, but I'm the only one. Our friends have to borrow our CD drive. You borrowed it at one point. Yeah, so if anyone needs a CD drive, I got it.

But what do you like?

What do you use it for?

Old stuff?

I cannot get a regular basis, right.

No, I mean I usually just rip it onto the computer and then I can play on my phone.

Well that's why I used it, right, so I could make digital copies of DVDs.

Yeah, well can you do this for the Taylor Swift song for us?

Yes, I made a video for back on how to load it into her Apple Music.

But that means I have to get on That means I have to get on.

My on your computer computer.

Honestly, my computer is essentially like it got used for Zoom during the pandemic, and that's the most it's ever been used. I just do everything on my phone. Don't say that tracks I know what the title of this episode is, Okay, I don't know the others as much as I know. You're losing me because I don't think I've ever listened to a song one. Yeah, it's the Karma, Oh, it's snow on the Beach with Morlana del Rey Hits Different, and then uh Karmel with Ice Spice.

Oh, I'm just going with Hits Different because that's like the one that we haven't heard before.

Okay, well, well what do you think about that song? Any theories on it? Oh?

Theories like who is it about? I think they're both about Joe.

Oh okay, here's what I thought. How long ago do you think she and Joe broke up?

That I haven't hypothesized.

Because there is a theory that Midnights is a breakup album.

Well, she told us what Midnights was.

It's a compilation of her sleepless midnights across her life.

I still think that's what it is. Like, I think it's about like a lot of different things. Yeah, but there's rumors like, oh, this confirms that it's a breakup album. But I don't really think.

That, no, because I do think Vigilante was written about somebody else, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I believed myself.

Yeah, I appreciate it.

Yeah. The song You're Losing Me might be one of my favorite songs of her she's ever written.

I agree.

If you're not choose me, You're Losing me is quite possibly the best lyric I've ever heard in my life.

The bridge where she's like, do something, babe, say something. It's like she's begging, begging, begging to.

Be chosen, to be chosen. She just wants to be chosen. And why is Joe not choosing her?

When she's like, do something, babe, risk something like, she's like, just anything.

Yes, So I think she wanted to get married.

They were together for six years, right, and he was holding out for some reason.

He was not choosing her. That's the ultimate choosing, right.

Choosing to marry Yeah, I guess, I mean, if that's what the other person wants.

Well, they were in a relationship, so she was being chosen somewhat, but she wasn't getting the ultimate choosing, you know what I mean.

Yeah, But some argue that it's the opposite. It's the couples that don't get married long term that are consciously choosing each other each day because they are not required to be.

There legally, right, there's no legal bind Well anyways.

This is just my own hypothesis.

And when she says I wouldn't marry me either, a pathological people, please, sir, I know.

I know.

Who only wanted you to see her and I'm screaming out or something, do something, babe. The whole time I was listening to the song, I was like, Oh, I love this, I love this. And when I got to the bridge, I was like, she's the queen of the bridge. She is the king of the bridge.

Wow.

Yeah, it is pretty. It is pretty remarkable.

How I just feel like that sentiment in itself is so universal.

It's so crazy to me that she has felt that.

I something about that. I don't know if I obviously feel sad that she experienced it, but I'm also like so validated that Taylor Swift is begging to be chosen like she is like us. The significance of Taylor Swift is the biggest pop star of our I would say of our generation. Right.

And also, here's my question.

By far?

Was he not choosing her? Was he going to choose her? He just wasn't choosing her at the pace at which she needed to be chosen.

Oh but like six years, Like how long has she been asking him to choose? That's the question. You want to know? What else is crazy? We don't even know if this is about Joe. I think it is well, I'm just saying, we'll never know.

Have you found that songs hit different now that she has broken up with Joe, Like when I hear New Year's Eve, I think to myself, he did it. He became a stranger who's last you would recognize anywhere.

That line is like one of the most soul crushing lines. New Year's Eve has some heartbreaking lines in there. That song, that's a great one. But also like when I when I hear when I hear your losing Me, the melody reminds me of Labyrinth and that that transition from oh no, I'm falling in love again to just say some do something, They've say something.

I know.

The concept of being chosen is fairly new to me because I worked on this interesting I worked on I worked through this in therapy because there was a point. Obviously Robbie and I are on the same page now in terms of our future, what we want, where we're going. You know that the pace of it is whenever we've never been in sync with But I don't think two people really are at.

Every point in their relationship.

But I remember when we were going through that phase of just like it was important to me to know that we were on the same page, like we were gonna be engaged, going to be married, like all that kind of stuff coming in the future. And I was trying to like reason with myself, not like trying to

Like, whoa.

It was such a crazy concept that had never been brought to me like that way before. So the fact that Taylor wrote this song and something that I'm like newly discovered, you know what I mean, the last year of my life is so crazy to me.

I just had this too. I'm just realizing this too, like how important it is. I just feel like we are with Taylor, We're all going through the same thing. Life is a little different for all of us, right, it looks a little different, right.

He has like a PJ and I have like a PET and I have a Ford Bronco. Right, but you know we in this thing. Yeah, we're doing the same thing. We're walking the same walk of life.

We're experiencing the motions, the depth, the depth. Yeah, wow, it was just incredible. I don't know if it's I think it's a popular opinion, but I don't love the Karma remix.

But I know it's it's it's pointless.

I just feel like.

I've never liked any of her remixes. Honestly, I don't like remixes in general.

I don't get the point.

Of really re releasing a song with some other popular artists contributing a verse because it's just the same words. But I don't get it because what they do is added Beyonce to that song.

Because what people want to do is when their song is doing well, let's say on the radio, and it's losing steam, if they add someone else onto it, it kind of breathes a new life and then it can pick back up and they can maybe get it further and further up the chart.

That's why they do it.

If the song is like on the radio, Yeah, what.

Did Bieber inflict himself upon.

Remember there's a song that was perfectly fine then b bre to throw himself all over.

Yeah, that was a hit with him.

I feel it was something that was really popular, but really Eilish.

It was really eilsh Yeah it was. Was it bad guy? Yeah?

I think so. I don't remember, but you're right. It was very pointless, very pointless.

Yeah, yeah, but she was like obsessed with him. That was her dream. But I think that was a Billie Eilish preference.

It was.

Yeah. Wow, I just couldn't be happier to have that song. I would like for her to have it on a so I could just put on a little playlist to Spotify.

But I've been listening to hits different a lot because it's on my iTunes.

But losing me, So are they not on Spotify?

Is that the issue?

You're losing me is not? Because it was a bonus for the CD. Got it and then and then people were I mean, honestly, Swifties are crazy. They were adding it as a playlist onto Spotify so that you could listen to it on Spotify as a playlist, and then I think it got taken down. Listen you're not gonna get past Taylor Slip's team when it comes to copyright infringement. No, no, no, you're not.

But Taylor should also be gracious enough to just you will give it you us.

I think she will soon.

I'm so fascinated by the whole I don't remember an artist being this enormous like she is at this particular point in time. Like, yes, plenty of bands in arts have played stadiums before, but playing so many shows at a stadium and tickets are still for two grand apiece because you can't find them, like yeah, And the fact that thousands of people show up outside the stadium to sing along to her songs.

I don't remember this happening and I've been alive for a long time.

The fact that people wearing diapers not to go, Yeah, I know, I just throw some period panties on a call of to day.

Those things can hold some liquid.

You know. I'm devastated by that. Yeah, I was thinking the same thing, like, I just don't know if there ever will be someone who does what she does or what she's been able to do in this like this particular time of her life.

And she's buying all typical career arcs.

You know, typically album it builds, it builds, and maybe it starts to back down a little bit at a certain point. And that's what I kind of thought might have been happening with Folklore and Evermore because they weren't such big radio friendly songs. And now she's bigger than ever before, which is not how this normally goes. You normally zoomed to the top, and it's kind of a

It does.

It just gets larger and larger.

She has my vote.

She has my vote too, and Taylor we trust.

Yeah.

Wow, should we do some emails?

I think we should do some emails.

Yeah, he looks really good today.

Thank you so much. That's so kind. We'll be right back with email. All right, before we start emails. I forgot I wanted to talk about this. So I saw this TikTok and Breneo Brown was on it or yeah, I don't know what podcast it was, but she was on a podcast. I'll try to find it. And she was talking about how she doesn't believe that relationships are

To me, I feel like that got debunked recently, and it's like, now it's one hundred and one hundred.

Each person has to be giving a hundred.

Okay, right, so whatever it is, each person giving a hundred, whatever it is, the idea is that we're we shouldn't be expected to be at our highest best every single day. And then it's okay if like both people are feeling like I have nothing, Like I'm I don't have enough to give to myself and to you.

Yeah, but how do.

We do it in a way that's not gonna hurt the other?

Yeah?

Or going to constriction? I know, I thought it was interesting too, and a lot of people in the comments are going to like, uh, like nah, and then people are like, oh, this is really good, and I thought I'm going to bring this to the podcast.

Yeah, I mean I think that it is interesting.

I always, you know, I like to be positive and look at the bright side and have that go get or energy.

And I really feel like I've met my match.

And Robbie because he really brings it tenfold even when he's got like so much stuff going on in his own life, Like he can be there for me in a way that I could never be for him if I had that stuff going on in my life, do you know what I mean? Like it's pretty remarkable, and so it makes me want to be better because he's that way.

Yeah. So like even if you don't have it, if he can match you, it almost like because I feel like sometimes if your partner is able to give to you and fill up your tank or whatever it is, it almost it gives you the energy to show up. Yeah, a little more than maybe you had before.

Yeah.

You know, but when you're both feeling down, like have you and Robbie ever both been down at the same time, We're like you didn't feel it.

Yeah, But but like when he's down, he can have perspective, you know what I mean, and be like, yes, we're feeling this way, but this is just a storm, Like this is just temporary. Like there, this is we're not seeing the forest through the trees. And I'm like, you're right, so right, this is temporary.

Not seeing the forest.

Through the trees, not see the forest for the trees.

The expression, Oh not tracks, you're.

Not seeing the big picture. You're only focused on what's right in front of it.

Yeah yeah, yeah, So like that's what I can do, Like I can focus on just what's right in front of me, and he can focus on the big picture.

Oh that's nice. That's a good uh, balance.

Tell me it's necessary at times.

Yeah. I do feel like you met your match in that. Yeah, because like even you posted something about like you woke up not feeling you felt sanzy, and I was like, let's go yeah literally.

Yes, yesterday? Was it yesterday? Yeah?

I woke up kind of sanzy vibes. I'd I went gluttonous the night before, just full gluten, just glu down with pizza toe, pizza toes, pierreline cookie.

Yeah it isn't full blown gluten.

So anyways, I woke up Sunday feeling kind of like groggy and out of it, and Robbie woke up with this attitude of like, let's get it good.

You know, he does this whole thing.

And I was like, you know what, I'm gonna book my workout class and once hert to class.

Wow, yeah that's great. Yeah.

I don't even think the most encouraging hype person could do that for me personally, But I'm happy that you have found you.

Lack is to try Sunday morning, give you.

A definitely not on Sunday morning, little voice note to pump you up.

Definitely not on a Sunday morning. That's not gonna happen all right. I would try a weekday if you were gonna try it, but I also don't recommend. Shall I get into emails?

Yes?

I feel bad for this first one. This is the kind of guy we've talked about before. It's so anonymous.

She says.

I'm thirty two, married seven years, with two kids five and under. My husband has always had two Instagrams.

Since we met.

At the beginning, I found him messaging other girls for pictures and saving pictures of other girls. Years ago, I found out his second Instagram was just to follow hot chicks essentially. That was the second time after calling out his made instagram previously, he made an excuse I never should have believed, And looking back now, I wish I was stronger to call off the relationship long ago.

But here I am.

He's always scrolling, He's always on his phone. He always makes sure it's with him, even when he's in the shower, it's right there next to him. I've looked multiple times recently, and this is what he's following, thirst trap girl after thirst trap girl. It's his whole scroll, his whole search page. I can only imagine what else there is. Do I keep putting this off like it's a guy thing. Do I get therapy or do I get out? It clearly has affected me, like body keeps the score type stuff.

My instinct gut reaction is get out. I feel like it's constant disrespect after disrespect, like it. It feels like this is a character thing, like Tony always talks about character and I don't think this is a guy thing. I think guy sure, they like looking at hot girls, and I think this is a common issue of like

Yeah, because you said he made an excuse. I never should have believed so For me, I feel like if you you've already brought this up, that it really bothers you.

I don't know whatever that is.

But also I don't know, I don't know why he likes looking at this, like I have no idea, but I'm saying. What I'm saying is like he's not even trying to compromise. He's coming up with an excuse.

I don't think this is a compromise situation.

And if it's really bothering you and he's making up excuses, it's only going to get worse over time.

I feel like I know this guy, you know him kinda Yeah, this guy was told by his parents his whole life that he is God's gift, the greatest thing in the world, which happens to so many guys whose moms treat them like on a pedestal, and so they get out into the world, and their feeling is, hey, that's just who I am. Take it or leave it because I'm awesome. Right, They don't see they're incredibly flawed people. But they don't see the flaws because they've been told

But it's going to get into his head. He's going to figure out that this is disrespectful to you.

Sometimes it takes a major thing to get it through a guy's head that this is disrespectful because they don't see it that way.

I don't know that he would ever cheat on you. He may not.

He may see this as absolutely harmless. But if he understands that, how would he feel if you had nothing but guys in speedo's on your Instagram?

I don't think he would like that.

Well, we're not. I don't think anybody.

You're right, it's different. You're right, it's totally different, But the guys don't see it that way. Guys wouldn't want dong photos all over your instagram.

He just wouldn't. But maybe it's not a good comparison. I don't know. But he needs to.

We need to get us through his head that this is Defcon five. We are in an emergency situation. You no longer want to sleep with him, and you are ready to leave. You are writing emails for podcasts on what do I do? Should I end my marriage? He needs to know we are at an urgent situation because this could end nowhere in his mind as you think this could end. He needs to know that it's possible and maybe he'll figure it out.

Yeah. I mean he's been able to get away with it for a long time with no repercussions.

Yes, with every one of his exes.

I sound him messaging other girls for pictures and saving pictures of other girls, Like that's.

Bad, it was good.

No, I don't know these girls. I just message them. They don't meet them. Yeah, I send you pictures. It's just pictures. What's the difference.

I just think it's like you look.

At chatting Terry to me think he's hot. It's totally the same thing. Guys can justify all of it.

Yeah, I'm telling you.

It takes guys forever to mature, but eventually we do. It takes forever. I'm sorry, it takes forever.

It sucks. Eventually he will, and I hope it's not too late.

I don't know. I think get out before that.

No, it's so it just sucks because it's obviously affecting you in such a big way, and he's clearly not getting to him.

It's it's just that, you know, life is so short and it's precious, and we so many I feel like so many people settle for something that is so you can bleep me shitty because they feel like it's going to get or I don't want to start over, or I don't want my kids to be affected. But why should you spend your life with someone who disrespects you to this level just for fear of having to start over?

The kids are another angle that you could use with him, like how would you do you want the kids to have divorced parents?

Do you want the kids? By the way, is that the image you want to be in your kid's eyes? What if your kids?

He doesn't say if it's a boy or girl, but you want your daughter to see on your Instagram they have nothing but bikini photos.

Is that the man you want her to see?

When we started the Almost Famous podcast, we had bachelor people in every week, so I would and back then I was doing the prep and so I would go on Instagram, get pictures of them and put it on the prep for Ben and Ashley to see a little behind the scenes here. It's like, oh, you know so and so, and there's a picture of her. But all I was doing on Instagram because I'm not very much is looking at women on the Bachelor of Women. So one day I want my for you page and it

That to be me. Yeah, he needs to think of it from his kids perspective too. You don't want to be that guy.

I think you and this guy are very different.

We are now, but I used to be that guy. I know i'm and that's hard for me to admit, but I used to be that guy. I did whatever I wanted and I was just like, everything's gonna be fine because I'm awesome. I'm very embarrassed and humiliated about the guy I was in my twenties that my wife met. I've apologized for a million times. I can't believe she married that guy. She never should have because he.

Was a dick. And this guy's a dick. But he'll get through it, but it might be too late.

Yeah, yikes. Anyway, regardless, Anonymous, you deserve more whatever you deserve, whenever you choose, whether HiT's him working on himself and getting better or you getting out and finding someone better, you deserve better.

That's what you deserve better. There's a Megan Trainer song shows into It's very good.

Good.

You deserve better.

Yeah, one more Anonymous. I know Becka's talked on the podcast about couple's therapy with Haley, and I'm hoping she can speak more about the benefits she saw from it. I feel like my boyfriend and I've been bickering NonStop about small things. How do you start couples therapy without it feeling like the beginning of the end or a last ditch effort. I feel like we would benefit from it, but I'm afraid it will feel like we're admitting defeat.

That's a really good question.

I think it really is. And to be honest, when we for Haley is the one who brought up couple therapy, and I was like, so, basically, our relationship is over, Like couples therapy to me meant like this is the end, like the beginning of the end, And it was actually the opposite because I our issue Haley and I, just in a broad way of describing it, is that we

And even if that seems too daunting for you to do, like couples therapy, maybe even encouraging your partner to do therapy on their own and you do therapy on your own, because I think that therapy in general has just been so eye opening for me, because I think everybody kind of has that complex of like I'm amazing.

I have all the answers. I know what I'm doing, you know what I mean?

Like we all have.

We all think what we do and how we live our lives is the best way because that's how we live it and it's just not the case. And I think a therapist can really open your eyes to that because I think for me.

Specifically, I had this like.

Pie in the sky vision of what like love, relationship, marriage was, you know, like it was that image that we see on TV the white horse and he's going to put the glass slipper on my foot and it's going to be this fairy tale. And so when we had to start dealing with like really hard things, like things that just happen in life, I couldn't like raptionalize with it. I couldn't understand it. I was just like, no, it's not supposed to be hard. It's not supposed to

Yeah, I think that's good advice.

It's I used to think the same thing. Why would anybody dating go to couple therapy just break up? It's fine, somebody, you don't beat therapy with it. I totally I've done a full one eighty on it.

I get it.

It's about learning to communicate with each Yeah, because any two humans are just different people. And like you said, you think your way is the best way and everything's great, and they do too, and so that's where naturally conflict, right, yes, yeah, and this helps you deal with conflict.

Yeah, because I will say, like it'll be like Haley stands on something in mine and we're both like our heels are dug in, Like neither one of us is changing how we feel. But it's like, how do we get to a place where we go Okay, I see why you feel that way, or you see how I feel that way. And yeah, I used to think the same thing, couple couple stadium, Like damn, if you all are already in.

Break up, if you have a problem like break up, you're not in it, you know. But it's true. It's like again, you could do that.

You could break when things get hard, you could break up and you're gonna date somebody else and then things are gonna get hard again, you know. But it's not even like it doesn't even be something so hard. It could just be like lifestuck, you know. Like I remember when we first started kind of integrating and I was living more at Robbie's house. The way we live is very different in terms of just like cleanliness and you know,

He needed to hear me out. And then we came to a compromise, you know, and it's like neither one of us is right or wrong.

Yeah, it's just the way we prefer.

To live, and we came to like a good middle ground with it, you know. So it's just like hearing each other out.

Yeah, speaking of you moved to the.

Office movement, dude, that was a big deal.

The stude has been moved a big move in the relationship. Yes, you've been preparing that space for a while now.

Yes, I've been, yes, digging my heels, but I felt like I'm taking advantage of this week.

We have.

Have some downtime with the morning show to actually like have my studio moved.

So I did it. I moved all the pieces last Weekend.

Tubs is coming into my house tomorrow to set it all up and we're gonna be up and running.

Congrats the wi fi set up.

The WiFi is set up. Yeah, yeah, we're here. Here, we are.

Well.

I haven't officially moved yet.

I still have my place, but yeah, yeah, yeah, just the studio.

Dude, the stude has moved.

We have a Thursday episode, Yes, we do. Do you want to talk about him?

I'm very pumped because you know, he's no stranger to the o R. He's been in ther before, but never in person like this, and I just find him to be such a inspiring, captivating, well rounded human being. And I'm really pumped that Devon Franklin is going to be joining us.

Fellow author.

I remember, actually I was when we were going to get our endorsements for the book. Devon is somebody that I've really admired, especially in the writing space. I've read most of all of his books, and so he's just somebody that I really, I really his endorsement on my book was really important to me. But I was so scared to ask him because like we're not friends. We're friendly, but we're you know, we're not close by any means.

Well, I'm so excited to meet him in person. Yeah, So we'll be back Thursday with Devon Franklin and we hope you have a wonderful week and we love you. Somebody love you. Bye bye.

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