Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in, and by we, I mean it's me and Easton in the building.
That's right, that's right.
I don't where is Tanya. I don't even know. I don't know. I thought she'd be here and then no, No, she's just a no show. But there was a reason for it. I just can't remember.
But it sounds very legit and real.
Yeah, Tanya doesn't miss if it's not important, so I'm sure she's in her ludial phase or something and had important things to tend to. But today we are joined by a rising star in the music industry whose angelic voice and heartfelt lyrics have captivated audiences around the world. She's best known for her groundbreaking hits such as Fingers Crossed and Flowers, as well as being included on Billboard's
twenty one Under twenty one list. She's not only a talented singer songwriter, but also a true inspiration to her fans, encouraging them to embrace their authenticity and face life's challenges head on. Not to mention she's only nineteen years old and she's already accomplished so much. Please give a warm welcome to Lauren Spencer Smeg. I'm so happy to meet you.
Me too.
I was telling you when you first got here that I got to listen to your whole album that's coming out in July. God, and it is amazing.
Thank you.
I it's crazy to think that you have been through so much at such a young age. When I'm listening to the album, I'm like, Wow, there's a lot a lot to UNA's written in a guitar.
Second album coming.
You're like, I'm writing that right now, but you're in a good place right now. Yah.
Well, I guess it depends what topic of life. Yes, my boyfriend's amazing great. Other aspects, I'm not gonna say I'm great. Okay, there's room for there for my second album.
You know. I feel like as a my girlfriend's a musician, and I feel like sometimes like the downs are what produce. Oh that's right.
Like sometimes when I'm happy, I'm like, oh my god, I'm not gonna be able to make music like.
What Well, I know that when you when you wrote your your new single that part, everyone was kind of like, we love the sad stuff, but any any chance for like a hopeful love song.
Yeah, I feel like I've been getting asked that a lot, And then we finally wrote one.
How long have you been with your boyfriend?
A year and a half? I guess, like officially, yeah.
Who was the heartbreak? Like when did that happen?
It Like we didn't even date. It was like such a non serious thing. That's why it's so embarrassing. It's really embarrassing to look back and now that I'm in like a healthy relationship and just like realize, like what I thought was love and what I was putting up with We don't need to name names.
But in the past, yea, he is in the past. Yeah we got a hit song.
Yeah, so it's worth it. But yeah, it wasn't a real If my boyfriend now broke up with me, I don't even know what I would do with myself, Like I thought that, oh and me emotionally and I don't even I can't mentally handle my boyfriend ever leaving me and he knows, so he won't.
Okay, glad y'all all have that pet because we do. I feel like I was thinking about this because I feel like we go through heartbreak our whole life, and it feels like the biggest thing in the world at that moment. Right, Like you're young and you have your first ever crush and it's devastating, but then you experience your next crush and you're like, well that was nothing. So it's like, is that just how it continues?
It's kind of scary, say, I've already met it, it's so made at nineteen great, but I'm kids can get married him.
How did you all meet?
We met at the gym? Oh wow, we kind of like I already kind of knew him ish from the gym when I started talking to him, but like literally the first time he texted me, I was like, I
love him. I'm gonna marry him. I told all my friends, like, and I had not even had a full conversation with him, Like he just texted me one thing that was funny, and I was like, love him, obsessed, And then I talked to him for like weeks on end, and I came back from a trip and I had like twelve hours on the island home before I had to go to Europe for two months and hang out with him once and was like, this is gonna have to be long distance, but we knew we liked each other, like
just from hanging out once, and then we did long distance for like two months, and then when I finally came back, he was like, Okay, now I can ask you to be my girlfriend. Because I didn't want to ask you over text or FaceTime because he waited to be in person. I was annoyed. It was like, it's cute because you're like wow, like you're such a gentleman, But like I had to tell people we've been dating for a year and a half instead of year and eight months, and that's really frustrating for me.
You can tell me a year and eight Yes, I get it. Yeah, that's like my girlfriend. We met in April, and like in my mind, from the first moment we met, we were together the.
Same I say, we started like we've always been together in two.
Years and in August, So April to August that's a good chunk of times. She goes, are you gonna ask me to be your girlfriend? And I go, are we not girling where we were? And she's like, well you have to ask me. I'm like, well, you've been in a relationship with woman before. I haven't done that, So like I didn't know that was part of the rules. I thought I thought it was just established together. So so now when we celebrate our anniversary, I'm like, I'm not doing.
Everyone I talked to has that same story. Like my best friend too is like Ben says, we've been dating for this long, but we've actually been dating for this long.
Like it's everyone really complicated. Yeah, but we're all happy. That's that's the main It's fine. The main thing.
We're still together, so it's fine.
I wish so my co host Tanya, she was out today, but I wish she was here because we were talking about the song that part and she was like, I feel like that's me. That's she said, I feel like that's me right now because she's like waiting to get engaged, so she's like ready for the next part. And I'm like, Tanya, that song has been your whole relationship. Yeah, I think was like, when are we getting to the next phase? You know?
No, that's honestly really what the song is about. Like I feel like a lot of people have interpreted it to be like, oh, Lauren wants to get engaged right now, which like I do, but it's just been like the story of since day one, I've wanted to get engaged, like I want to marry you, and I've always felt that way from like day one, so it's like kind of just having that feeling from day one, not necessarily like we're actually getting engaged right now.
Is he your first love?
I don't. I think I guess. I don't know, because what we were just talking about makes it seem like seventeen year old me would have been like no, like this was my first love. But now I'm like, okay, that was like nothing. I was a child, Like this feels like it is my first love. But I also hate saying that because and everyone says, like, you leave your first love.
So I hate when I see that stuff because I had never been in love before I met my girlfriend. So when we met, she's my first love. She's not my first relationship. She's the first time I've been in love. And then people will be like the first heartbreak is your.
First love, and I'm like, and I know if I would jump off a bridge if I broke.
Up, No, no, no, we need good music. You can't just jump off a bridge. We got to have like they would, I would not.
I wouldn't like I tell you right now, I am dead if Matt breaks up with me. A lot of pressure on his shoulders.
Matt, if you're hearing this, if you're listening.
To, don't break up with me, babe, everyone else needs you to not break up with me.
We need you, Matt.
Yeah, but I don't know. I don't like saying that because there's that like myth about it.
No. No, no, yeah, we're good. We're good. Does he is he your age or y'all both?
No?
No, he's four years older than me.
Okay, Actually, so when y'all started dating basically long distance and you had these intense feelings for him, how was that, because that long distance is no joke.
Yeah, I was very like for months, I just thought he was going to break up with me and that he didn't want to be with someone who's traveling all the time. And like he says, he likes it now, but this is just the honeymoon phase. But my boyfriend is very reassuring. Like even like the other day, I had forgotten that we even do long distance because it's just like how our life is, so it's so normal, and I was like, Babe, I think I need to
thank you again. Because like no one else would be willing to date someone who just like constantly is all of the world, like, hey, I'm going away for six weeks, like you're not going to see me, and he's just like one hundred percent completely fine with it, and he's always been like that from day one. But I knew he felt the same way back, so I I overthought all the time, but I did know deep down that he felt the same way. So I was like, Okay, yeah.
You felt safe. Yeah, I'm going to tell my girlfriend that she needs to start thanking me a little bit more with her while she's traveling around the world.
It's like a lot to add. Like I genuinely thought I was going to be single till I was like forty and just like adopt a kid by myself because I was like, nobody will ever want to be with an artist. It's like the most complicated lifestyle to have to be with, Like you can't do normal things like me and my boyfriend want to get a dog and we're like, well, you're not famous enough to get a
dog because like you're not on an arena tour. But like if you're on an arena tour, like you can bring the dog, you have an assistant to look after the dog, like all those things, and then like you just can't do normal Yeah, well things like if even if I wanted to have kids at like twenty five, like I can't. That's probably like peak arena tour moment.
I'm not having kids in the middle of that. Like, there's so many things that I feel like in my eyes of what I want my life to be, like I want to do things with my career first, and like he I'm very thankful that he's just completely fine with all of it.
Well, you do have to think of things differently, Like you do have to think of things in a different timeline than people who have a traditional job or have traditional schedules, because you're able to be like, Okay, if I'm gone, you can watch the dog whatever. But you're like I'm always doing that.
I'm always gone, And like I just feel like you miss The only holiday that I feel like I can always guarantee I'll probably be home for is like Christmas, and that's probably only because I'm very like I want to be home for Christmas. But like you missed like so many birthdays and just so many things that are like important to every person usually, and they just have to be like completely okay with that.
Yeah. Yeah, I feel like I've known who you are for a long time and known your songs and your your TikTok and everything. But for those who don't know about you or your story, when did things become not normal for you? Like when did you have that moment of going like, oh, it's happening.
Yeah, definitely. My Fingers Crossed came out because I tease Fingers Crossed in November, but it didn't come out until January. It's a very long teasing period.
Wait was that just this last year?
It was twenty twenty two?
Oh so last last November?
It camest it November twenty twenty one.
Oh nouh gotcha?
Okay January thirty twenty two. Okay, So like I guess almost, I guess a year and a half ago. Actually, yeah, even when I was teasing it, I didn't think I knew it was big, but I had teased stuff before. I didn't do as well as Fingers Crossed, but I just thought, oh, i'll put it out. Yeah, maybe I'll make some money. Great, I'll stay living in my house
like it, I'll be wonderful. And then like the second it came out, like I got a call that was like it's number one on this This isn't this like we're finding you to New York tomorrow at like five in the morning, and I was.
Like what, Oh my god. I hit it to myself.
And like from then it was just like meeting with labels and doing and ever since, I feel like I've not been home for more than two weeks.
At a time. I mean, it's so exciting to have that happen because I feel like a lot of people, especially when you have a viral moment, it's like the fear of like will this continue after this song and you've had You've maintained it. You Like I was looking at your TikTok right before you walked in, and I'm like, you still have people that are like more and more and more, like they're always wanting more.
Yeah, it's terrifying when fingers Cross blew up. I didn't think about that instantly, I cause I I didn't have in my head that I was putting out another song for like a while. But the second I started to put out new music, I was like, oh God, like maybe my success is in the past, like how am
I gonna maintain this? And even for a while after Flowers came out, like I just I have not had a song do as well as Fingers Crossing Flowers ever since they came out, and I was like, I'm a failure, like my rears over and my good days are in or behind me. And then like that part started to do kind of mood. I was like, I'm back, It's okay. I'm still gonna be successful one day.
That's a roller coaster, yeah, And I am trying to think of I'm thinking of myself. I'm thirty four, so myself at your like myself right now. I don't know that I could handle that. Yeah, So I think of myself at nineteen and thinking of that pressure that I would put on myself of like can I do it again? Do people care?
Yeah?
Or do they care about what I have to say? But people are obsessed with you. They love you like you're just You'll just be singing in a parking garage and because you're always like you could. You're one of those people who could sing the alphabet and people would be like, that's amazing, undone, We've never heard it before
because your voice is so good. But I've always wondered what it was like to have that type of success in like such an instant and then and then be able to maintain it is like, really an incredible thing that you've been able to do. You have a song on there about It's called twenty eight.
Oh God, I'm just curious.
So I was listening to it and I was like, this is this about, Oh, it's about your your dad.
Yeah.
Dating.
I've had so many people ask me this, and every time I'm like.
No.
I mean, for people who are in the same situation, they know what it's about. And then there's all the people who have like their parents are together, or like their mom or dad have never dated anybody else, so they would have no idea what it's about. And for those people, I just never talk because I'm like, I'm just glad you don't know what I'm going through, honestly, But everyone who has been through it is like, oh, I know exactly what this is about.
Have they heard it?
Uh?
Yeah?
I feel like they I've never met her. Still the main thing, Honestly, I debated putting that song up for so long, Like I mean, I could start crying talking about it.
Right.
I debated for so long, being like what are the pros of putting us out? What are the cons? Because I feel like when you're a songwriter, you write so many songs about people, but like they're not in your life anymore, right, so you're like, I don't give yeah, but like when you're actually writing about like there's so many songs I've written that I just tell people there about relationships and like they're about somebody that maybe is still in my life in this moment, because I don't
want to hurt that person's feelings. But it was such a direct thing that I was like, ooh, this is going to be so obvious if I put it out, which I will say, I probably put it out. You know when they say you should wait till you're over it to make like a rash decision, right, Like I'm still not over it. So I just decided to put it out, like in a moment of still being upset
about it. Yeah, which I don't know if in five years if I'm gonna regret that, but I will say they have definitely heard it and they're not stokes that.
It is out. I will say that I think that sometimes there's things where there's fear in releasing something. But the thing is is you can look back and be like, wonder, how will I feel about releasing this, But yeah, it's what you're going through now, and what you're going through now happened, whether there's something good happens from it, or if it just stays where it's like not a great situation, you know, but yeah, this is happening right now, and their feelings happen right now.
So when I started teasing it, I still hadn't decided like, oh, should I put this out or should just be like a one video thing? And then after I started teasing it, every single person was commenting like, oh, like my stepmom's only like ten years older than me, Like there's not
a song about this. And then I started seeing like literally millions of people commenting the exact same thing, and I thought I was like totally alone and just being over dramatic, like majority of my families, like Lawrence being over dramatic, this is ridiculous, and I'm like, I'm not being over dramatic. This is weird, like and like the story was never like this is just weird to me, Like I'm allowed to feel weird about it, Like I don't feel weird about it and still accept it and
just be like this is weird. Yeah, And there were so many just like young kids that I feel like, especially in situations like this at the end of the day, like you want everyone to be happy, but like I feel like you don't blame your parents for this, but like they obviously just make decisions when they want to
be happy as well. And I think a lot of the people who relate to this song their parents made a decision when they were younger that they didn't even realize would affect their kids until their kids became a teenager, and then they're like, oh, I'm hanging out with someone that's like six years older than me, and my stepmom's only six years older than me. And you didn't realize it was weird when you were a kid until you got older. But the second I saw everybody, what are
you relating to it? I was like, I have to put this out now. Now I feel obligated to be the spokesperson for this situation.
I think sometimes we also forget our parents are humans, yeah, going through life for the first time too.
The older I get, the more I forgive my parents for things. There's some things that, like even the situation at hand is forgivable, but like the way the situation went about, I'm like, I wouldn't do it that way. But I've also made so many mistakes in life that the older I get, I'm like, oh, I see why my mom did that, or oh I see when my dad did that.
Yeah, I think there's things, like a lot of things I'll go it's forgivable, but I am not so quick to forget it.
Yeah. Oh yeah, I'm not forgetting. Honestly, I'm probably not even forgiving. I'm just like, we're just gonna be like super passive about it and just move on, because I guess I have to move on from this in order to keep you in my life, and I will not forget. Like, if you piss me off in six months, I'm gonna rebring this up, probably in the.
Argument playing blast this song yeah in the background. When you decide to tease music, how is there like a system to it or is there a way that you do it? That's what I'm trying to ask. Is is it like a calculated thing that you do or is it just I love this song and I want to tease I think people are gonna like it.
I feel like it's kind of both Okay. I get like gut feelings about songs, and I'm like, this has to be out. I love this, this is fire, Like this is the most relatable thing I've ever written. I go on like crazy, I need to put this out. Modes of things. I will say sometimes I think a song is good and like I wrote it for a therapeutic reason that if I don't think it's one hundred percent relatable to a lot of people, I won't always
be the first song that I choose. I might still put it on my album, but like, if it's not the most relatable, it might not be the next thing that I pick. I do try to have some type of reason as to why I think other people would relate to it before I tease it. But I do normally like most of the songs I write, so I'm never gonna be unhappy like picking one or the other.
I was gonna say, the whole album is so good, and in my mind, I'm thinking what song is on there that people don't relate to? Like you want a song about a best friend breakup, which there's not many songs about that, Like I think we hear so many songs about romantic breakups, but it's a song about your best friend. Ultimately, I'm dating someone and friend anyone. Yeah, do you do you feel like you are that friend ever? Like now that you're in a relationship where.
You're I'm like, I think my best friend relates to the best friend breakup from my I literally think about it all the time. I'm like, oh, I totally did that to my friends, like I should probably I probably owe the person who I wrote best and makeup about and apology for the way that I act in my relationship. But now that I'm older and I'm not friends with that person anymore, Like a lot of the song was written from like no hatred, Like it was just like, wow,
that's really crazy. I know their middle name, I know everything about them, and like I see her in the store and we just have an awkward conversation as if we don't know each other. Like there was no like, oh,
I'm still mad about this. Obviously when I was like fifteen or sixteen, I was pissed, but now I look back and being like, oh, okay, I get it, Like it's fine, Like I hope you're happy in your relationship, but I feel like sometimes in my situation it's a little bit different because I started dating Matt literally right as I started teasing fingers crossed, So my life also has something different, which also stops me from being able
to have normal friendships with people. Yeah, and like there's a lot of friends I used to have, but I just can't be friends with them anymore because it was like a high maintenance friendship, like we hung out every single day, we always talk to each other, and now like you just have to be cool that I don't answer the phone for five days because I'm so busy and I can't, in my ten seconds of peace be like, oh,
what's going on with them today? Like I just have to sit alone in silence and be like everything's gonna be fine. So I feel like my situation is a little bit different. I try to balance it, but it is true. You just end up being with your partner more than impress else.
I was gonna ask, how do you manage that? Because does it get lonely when you're like let's say you're gone and you don't have your friends and Matt's busy, But what do you do.
Yeah, I'm probably just depressed. I will say I'm pretty fortunate, Like my mom comes a lot of places with me.
That's great.
My boyfriend actually comes a decent amount, probably more than like other people that I know. I'm also pretty fortunate that my boyfriend's job is not like him needing to be somewhere constantly all the time, so he can and has the ability to come and be with me. I'm also pretty close with like everyone that I have to do starts with my guitarist, like my videographer. Like I would say those people are my friends and I would hang out with them, so I wouldn't say I probably
get as lonely as other people. And like this tour, my best friend, who I wrote majority of my album with, is opening, so I'm gonna have my best friend there the entire time. I perfect make sure my life is like this. If my mom and my boyfriend and my best friend were not in my life, I would be so down bad.
That is genius. You have your best friend opening for you.
And I feel like sometimes when you bring it up to like maybe even like your team's like really and you're like, I'm going to be vented on stable if you don't say yes to this, like just like trun.
The tour, Yeah, this is the best case scenario.
It's always even like so like can I bring all of my friends on the road? Like it's also pretty fortunate that a lot of people I am friends with also do music and they're like similar levels to me. So if I wanted to bring like my friend Alexander on the road, it's like, oh cool, Like yeah, he's super talent, Like we want to show people his music. Like it's not like it's just a rando like who is doing nothing?
Doesn't do to me? He has like no skill. My girlfriend's like she can't dance, Like what do I do with this?
Yeah, Like it's actually someone that is talented and bringing benefit to the tour. So it just works out.
Do you what's your when you go on tour? Star? Are you?
Yeah?
It's very soon? Are you on a bus? What's your tour?
On a busy? Bus is full? I do not have my own bus. It's not like that. I'm not famous like that, So we're all just on one.
How many people?
Twelve eleven? Yeah?
Do you know what bunk? Or do you have a are you? Do you know what bunk you don't know.
Yeah, I think I'm gonna rock a middle bunk. All right, he's gonna see he says, I'm gonna want middle.
Okay. Yeah, So my girlfriend just got off her tour and she was on a bus with fifteen other people. Yeah, and she's been asking people who are touring, like, what what bunked did? She had a horror. I think she did top, but I actually think she's tough. I think she did bottom too, And I just think it was just a rough situation.
She feel bad for like obviously, because I'm the artist, I get to choose, so like you feel bad for everyone else, and it's like, well if something gets taken, like it's just like that sucks, Like you're just not gonna get the funk you want. I do feel bad that I don't have the pressure of walking and being like, oh, like I better not getting the top bunk. Like I do get the privilege of being like cool, like I can pick and someone else is gonna have to move.
You're like, can we go on a test ride? And like they just test each level.
A different one every night just to know which one I liked the most.
You're like sorry to two other people. You won't be shuttled a night move. Thank you so much, thanks for being here. Do you have a dream collab? Who's your Like I'm talking, you could call this person up. They're gonna say, yes, let's meet up. Who is that person?
Like, I want to say JP Sachs, but like I already know I could. I think I could do that. I have friends with him and we do want to like write together and stuff, So I feel like I need to say somebody else.
I think that'd be the saddest song ever written. Potably it would be literally it could break it to be about or something.
Hmmm, I see. I don't know because I feel like a lot of the people I want to collab with are like not the biggest artists in the world.
That's okay, I was I literally thought you were gonna say Taylor swe So I was like sure.
I'm like, I feel like everyone says, like the biggest artist in the world. But I'm like, maybe, okay, maybe actually Olivia Rodrigo I would be, or Sabrina Carpenter. Yeah, maybe Olivia. I if I could like compare my music style of just like how I like to write, yea like one artist that I would say is a huge artist, like the only person I could think of. I guess
it would be like Olivia, like maybe Adele. Like Adele's is a lot more mature, like mine is very more in the Olivia lane of yeah, teenage girl breakups and stuff like that.
But your sound is like Adele, like it's very mature and it's very it doesn't I don't think people like if I were to listen to the album and had no idea how old you are, I'd be like, oh, that's that could be that's Adele's younger counterparts. Yeah, but then but I knew and and I think listening to the album, hearing all the different levels of heartbreak and sadness in different areas of your life, I'm like, we need to check on this girl. She's doing Okay, I'm not.
I'm fine. I'm one of those people that like I could just be hit with like a million things and I'm not fine, but I will continue to just like keep going.
What wind your birthday?
September?
Yeah? You're are you indecisive all the time?
Really not with like career moves, Like I'm very like very.
Much you know what you want?
Okay, Well, here's the thing. So like when I I know what I want in my career and like how I want to live my life and what I want in life like dream boards like everything, but like taking what food to eat too much a disaster, like I will never I can't decide. I'm in decisive about things that don't matter. Okay, the things that matter. I'm like, no, I know what I want, Like you can't convince me otherwise.
I think that's a great thing. Yeah, I think the other way. I think I'm more. I think I know more about what I want to eat than my life big choices. So I would happily trade places with you on that one. When's your boyfriend's birthday?
I know his birthday? I was just like, pros question, he is a Gemini?
Interesting?
Which like that he literally just gets bullied because he's a Gemini. Okay, Like I met him and I was like, what's your zoa excited? He didn't say anything, and I was like, okay, you what is your zodiac about being weird? And then he was like no, like people always bully and I was like, you're a Gemini. But then we looked it up and Lee brand Geminis are like the most compatible signs because they're both air signs. So how he's also like the opposite of a Gemini. Yeah, other geminis.
I know one girl that I went to school with, she's a Gemini.
I also think men and women like completely, it's so different, really different. Yeah.
Yeah, because my boyfriend's like the kindest soul ever, Like he's not two faced. He's very straightforward and how he feels about things and like is the kindest person ever. And the Gemini that I know is like not like that.
So they're very different. And that song is best Friend Breakup.
Yeah, no, no, she's not a Gemini.
I always ask about signs, like I know so much but I don't know.
I don't know anything, and I just think I know.
It's just fun to ask, and I like to see because I always like to see people's reactions.
I feel like I only know six, like six signs, so someone will be like I'm a Capricorn. I'm like, oh, I don't know that one. There's like I only know the ones of whoever is like in my life, and I'm like, oh, you're not a Libra or a Gemini.
Cool. I feel mildly confident out about six out of twelve. Yes, I would say.
I don't know like more than seven. I don't think off the top of my head.
I'm proud of us for knowing them. Yeah, a lot. It's a lot to keep up with. Yeah, what are your when you are on? Like do you scroll? TikTok uh? Yeah, you're a scroller? You're not just a poster.
No, I think you have to scroll to know what to post interesting. Yeah, I think it's really important. It's even just in song with songwriting, to like be up to date of like what's going on socially. Like if there's something going on the Internet where everyone's saying, oh, this guy has green flags, I'm going to write a song called like green Flags. Like, I think it's really important even just as an artist though, to be like socially aware of what's going on emotionally with people.
So my girlfriend doesn't scroll, but she posts, but she doesn't know trends, So like I'll be like, oh, did you see that's whatever? And so I feel like I am her designated scroller. She's like, I don't even like I a percentage from this girl. You're right, Yeah, I'm going to bring that up. I was giving her ideas today actually, so I'm going to bring that up. Thank you so much for the fight that will be cause tonight. Sorry, what's your favorite What is your favorite song on this new album?
I think I have two? Okay, the first one is Bigger Person. Okay, yeah, that's song just like still to this day emotionally ruins me and do it all again.
Are you comfortable talking about what what these are about?
Yeah?
Okay, what's Bigger Person about.
Bigger Person is about two people in my life that constantly just can't get it together, and like, no matter what, in order to have them in my life, I have to be the bigger person and bite my tongue on every single situation. And if it was any other type of person in my life, like it was just a friend, they would have been kicked out of the door so
many years ago. But like there's like even the lyric like it says you don't always choose the ones you love, because like I don't have a choice to not love these people, like I have to be the bigger person. And like also for the longest time, I was the biggest people pleaser ever, so it's a very like I'll be the bigger person, so I can stay in this friendship or like stay in this relationship with these people, and I still those people are still in my life.
So that song every time it is like just I'm an emotional mess. But do it all again? I don't. I don't like tear up listening to it. Do It All Again is just from the perspective of I got to the end of the album and realized if none of those bad things happened to me, I wouldn't have my album, I wouldn't be with my current boyfriend, Like
I wouldn't be in a happier place. And it was kind of like a think I think my ex kind of song, like thanks for looking up my life, yeah, because now I'm where I want to be.
Yeah, yeah, you said in the at the very beginning we were saying that. I was like, who is this guy the regard and you were like, I would the stuff I put up with? What were the things that you put up with?
That's just so sad, Like I just feel like the way I was gas lit and stuff like that is so crazy to think about. Like I'd be like, hey, like you know, we just got an argument and you blocked me for five days like that, like not cool, and then they'd be like, oh, what's because you did this? And I'd be like okay, and then just like move on. And I'm like that if my boyfriend ever blocked me, yeah, that.
Man would be like I would like he would be thrown off the bridge, like a bridge.
Yeah, that is not I would never ever do that to someone. And that's like a boundary of mind that I'm like, that's not appropriate if you can't have an adult conversation with me about something, like you're not in my life anymore. And just like so many little things like that were like in arguments, I would just let myself be talked down or made think that I was just like crazy or like a psycho for like being
mad about something. And my boyfriend would never anytime I'm upset about something, He'll just validate why I'm upset and be like, oh, cool, that's reasonable, Like here's I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but I understand why you're upset about what I said. And it's really sad that that's shocking for people in this world. But everything that went wrong, I was just constantly convinced it was my fault.
Like when it wasn't and like, I'm now a very big believer that like two people can be in the wrong at the exact same time, and there's never one person right about any argument. It's always just about perspective. And I just feel like I was with someone that always made me think I was just so crazy, a narcissist. He was.
Do you go to therapy?
Yeah, okay, I actually haven't been in like two months. Maybe. Yeah. I had something going in my personal life that was like too much to deal with, and so I was like, I can't go to therapy. Yeah.
Sometimes you're like I can't.
I just can't, and I haven't rebooked it. Yeah, just step away, and honest, we've actually just been so busy that I haven't had time. Yeah. So I don't know when I was supposed to do it on tour, like maybe at the gym or something. But well, you're just so you.
Talk about people pleasing, and I imagine when you were with someone who treated you like that, there's that element of people pleasing like I don't you know, I don't want to be the bad person or or I need to make sure they're okay. But that's a significant difference of the way you're speaking about yourself now and your relationship.
Now looking back, I don't even know who I was. Like sometimes I wonder if my high school friends hung out with me now, Like I think they would be so shocked. Like I just feel I'm like the same person when it comes to being outgoing and like funny and like just the same me that like the way I look at things is so I'm embarrassed how I used to handle things.
I promise you're gonna have things that you continue to look back on now and say the same thing, and that's just, you know, part of the fun of life. Well, I am so excited for people to hear this album. It's so beautiful, and I I'm sorry that you went through so many things like this, but I'm also like so incredibly impressed with how you've turned it into such a beautiful piece of work. And I'm so excited for your tour. And where can people follow you?
Yeah? At R Smith pretty much every platform anywhere you got your name Instagram to except Twitter. Twitter doesn't allow you to have more than sixteen characters, and my name is more than sixteen characters. But it's fine, and that's why I don't use Twitter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Twitter, you hear that other situation.
Thank you so much for scrumming in.
It was so great meeting you and talking with you.
You thought we were signing off, but I just found out that you are a Gray's Anatomy fan.
Rry, Like, I I saw them on the carpet and I started bawling my eyes out. Yeah I saw Ellen, I know, I saw them all. Actually I saw Okay, I actually don't know the other people's real names, but Da Bailey, Richard, oh, I know. Alex was not there. Schmidt was there, and I spoke to Schmidt.
Okay, that's Jake Brelli.
Yeah. Yeah. Wilson was there.
Joe Wilson, Joe wils We had Camilla on our podcast.
There is there was a few. There was like just a nice little where was of them People's choice? Oh my yeah, it was like one of the I still like, I think I haven't watched Gray's Anatomy in like so long because I met them. I was like, I just can't, like.
I love them. So when did you start watching?
Like when I was like thirteen or like twelve. Maybe I've watched the whole season, like every single season.
Like you've watched that live or you like started binging it.
No, I just started binging it over and over and over. Yeah, I've seen it. Sometimes there's so many videos of me, like in the car with headphones on it. I'm just full, like sobbing at Derek's death. Like I watched the Derek's death episode like an hour before I was supposed to go on stage, and it's just me, Like you can actually hear in the background of the video, Trevor's like, Okay, I think we're going left here, and I'm in the fact like what, like you just died, And everyone in
my car is like is she okay? Like why would she watch? But it's like I love it, like I want like the pain, like I want to watch the episode over and over and over to feel something.
I don't know if I could watch that one over and over again, like oh my god. Okay, So when Derek died spoiler alert to anyone who hasn't watched.
It behind Okay, if people keep messaging my Instagram being like you're spoiling Grays and I'm like, this is like a season five thing. If you haven't seen it by now, that's on you.
Like this is a decade old. So literally I watched this.
I was like eleven.
I'm like, I'm like turning twenty. That's on you, not me, that you've had plenty of time, plenty of time. I was with my mom and I was on the couch and I'm like sobbing and she looks down and she goes, are you okay? And I was like this has been my boyfriend. I was like what And I was like I didn't know. I was to explain it. I felt like my boyfriend for however many years just died. And it was the most brutal written, brutally written storyline.
Every single person is like dead. I'm like, who, literally, who's writing this storyline? Like? And then finally like Derek dies, I'm like, okay, cool, like Lucas my guy.
Now, oh yeah sorry.
And I was like so shook when that happened because I was like, oh cool, like just another person. And now I'm just realizing in this moment, my biggest fear in life is people in my life dying. And I think it might pay crazes well.
And the most like cruel.
Thick way they get on al And I'm like, I take planes all the time, and like Lexi and everyone like died in this plane crash, like Arizona has no leg and every time I go in the air, I'm like, my leg's getting chopped off.
Like, yeah, you really never know, but I don't. I think I don't see the Gray's Anatomy storylines being in your future.
I mean, I hope putting that out there. We had a few of them, but oh yeah, it's fine.
What did you How did you feel about you've had a few of those?
You said, yeah, it's fine.
Are you okay? No, but it's fine, So you can watch you can watch those episodes. I haven't, And you've lived through certain yeah, tragedies as such.
There are some that are more recent than others that haven't watched it since I don't know if I can, because I actually watched something on Queer Eye the other day that was like a very similar situation. I was like, I'm done, Like I can't watch this episode, but I like one of my best friends passed away when I was younger, and I've watched like Derek get hit by a car over and over, and I think that's why that episode for me is like just like a one and done and I have to skip it.
Oh my gosh. Yeah, I don't know if I could do it.
It's yeah, I feel like there's been a lot of time since that one, you know, so I can watch Grays.
Okay, Yeah, what do you think? Do you feel like the old seasons are better? Like do you watch it now and have like?
I think it like depends because they've introduced so many new characters. Yeah, that I love so many of the new characters. I just feel like it like shifts into a different show almost because the first fot like every season with George, I was like I love him, like that's my person. And then when he when Christina left, I was like, Okay, this show is like taking a
sideways to her and like she's not here anymore. But then the second like Alex and Joe started getting together, I was like, Okay, I like the show again, but then then left fin Actually I think that episode ruins
me the most of that. I actually watched that not that long ago, and I called my boyfriend and I was like, if you're with me for this many years and you leave me, I don't know what I'm gonna do, like watching and then Joe literally turns into like like a shell of herself and she's not even the same person. Like this is gonna be me, Like I'm gonna be like super famous and then you're gonna leave me and
it's just gonna be like the end of my career. No, it's I feel like everyone in this room hasn't seen Grays right now is so confused about what's happening. But it's like the most heartbreaking.
They're all texting that right now, like yeah you that after after he left Joe, I was like, I don't want to watch this show anymore.
I obviously did, but I was very and then like oh and then like they put Meredith with what's his nuts, the Megan guy, Rick oh Riggs. Yeah, and they put her with him, and I loved her with him, and I was like wow, the first man like since Derek. And then like Meghan came back and I was like, well, good for Megan, but like, yeah, Meredith is like one double double whammad on the like no man thing I.
Haven't This is my confession, this is my truth. I haven't like a single person that she's been with, sinceteric.
And who that new guy that she was I can't.
I don't like him comfortable.
I don't mean, he looks like someone from my high school and it makes me uncomfortable. Like I'm like you, I'm.
Always like he seems angry. I don't get why we're like this Minnesota.
I'm like, what, no effects, nothing will ever. It's just like he's from Minnesota, she's from Seattle. It's not it doesn't work. Like it's not gonna work.
Yeah, it's impossible.
Yeah, I don't like And then like he just is like not, he's not it for her.
I agree, But like the only high I felt for Meredith since death is when they were on the beach and he was a ghost.
Yeah, this is what it was meant to be. And you guys just like ran him over with the truck.
I liter was like, if Meredith dies, I'll be devastated, But if these episodes can continue with them on the beach together, I'm I can handle it.
And they then like once Alex left, then she had no one and I was like, well, now the show is just like a bunch of like randos that were added in like season eight, and I don't like that.
And it's like now I just feel like she's a teacher and I'm like, I don't feel like she has her own thing.
Yeah she doesn't.
It's devastating. Yeah, we've been through a lot, fans, and like that alone is reason to be in therapy. Yeah. I don't think people realize what we've been throught, and I get so emotional like the shooting episode, Like it's.
Like, no, I remember having a lockdown at my school life and I was like we're all gonna die, Like I'm gonna get shot in the heart and have this whole thing like what Derek did in the hallway, because I'm gonna go out there and try and be the hero, like I everything that happens in my life. I'm like, oh my god, that one episode where like.
Sopis, you've really been through it all.
Yeah, that serious lockdown was not that's serious. It was like I mean the fact that I mean there was like an entire squat teams running aund the school. But like, turns out it was nothing. I don't think I think it was nothing. We didn't really get the full intel. But you know you go in lockdown sometimes even just for like practice, and you're like instantly scared.
Well, yeah, I mean it's episode Yeah.
I also think it's really silly. This is like off topic, but I do think it's really silly that it's not because it makes sense, but like how all the doors in the hospital would immediately lock and then like they'd be looking for like kids or like trying to get away from someone and the doors would be locked and they can't get out.
It's it's like like.
Same with what was the episode where there was that fire and there was a little girl and the doctor was trying to get the.
That was Stephanie, right, So I actually loved she left.
I hate that.
Yeah, and Avery left too.
That was that was a huge keep losing everyone, I know what's wrong. But yeah that episode where like the door was locked and she was literally in the room with like the like assaulter and then was like with this daughter and everything was on fire and I was like, y'all can't get these emergency doors unlocked, Like this is unbelievable, Like people are just dying because of like this safety protocol that's been put in place.
Yeah. I think I'm concerned for the writers at this point. Yeah, of like the deep darkness that lives in their brains that they're coming up with these things and like it's.
Like, oh, who should we kill off?
Yeahday yeah, just like a casual day in the writer's room.
I wonder if they're like, oh, like should we kill Meredith?
Not yet? Maybe Joe yeah yeah, yeah yeah what Well, then it won't be Gray's Anatomy without Meredith. So who can who just can sacrifice?
Give like a disease too? And You're like what, Also, merediths home has almost died like twenty million And I'm like, that's not that's not That's never happened to someone ever, Like you need to make it more reasonable.
I was gonna say every time we have we've had a lot of the Grace cast on the podcast, and I always ask, like, you know, Grace is known for people dying. If you could choose your death, what would it be? That's always one of my questions. And I'm like, that's that shouldn't be normal, but it is. It feels very normal for me to ask that. Wow, I'm glad we got to chat about that. Thank you, Thank you so much for scrubbing in And I can't wait. Are you gonna be in l A on the tour?
Yeah? I am? Is that? August seven?
Great? You and Taylor swife both in the city.
Yeah, and I'm trying to go to that same week.
Well, she has like seven shows, so you just gotta a day off. Yeah. So great meeting you. You're such a joy. I'm so excited for you, and I feel like this is just the beginning and I'm so happy this worked out.
Thank you.