Dear Banya: Type A-

Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.

Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in scrub.

Dub Dum.

And we have a Dear Bonya episode.

Yes we do.

Wait before we.

Get into that. The people were asking the food that you had in Chicago. Oh wow, if there were any standouts?

And I like a Chicago dog off the street.

Yeah. Yes, I tried to eat as much Chicago food as I could when we were there in the Serning Metropolitan Areas had I had a Chicago dog from Devil Dogs that I did not like. I did not like it.

Why too much junk on it?

Too much junk and whatever. There was some kind of seasoning or relish. It tasted like minnestrone soup.

Nothing like that.

Was it recommended to you that it was?

That came. I asked scrubbers for advice, and Devil Dogs came up a lot and they led me astray.

I think it a celery salt. They put on a Chicago dog.

That would do it.

That's it.

I was not happy with that Chicago dog. I had two pizzas. I went to Luma Hotti's and I went to Pea Quads.

Man, I love Chicago pizza.

Oh my god, I loved it. I had pea quads. That's the one they went to in the Bear. Sam and I went to the same location they went to in the Bear.

In the bedroom where they went and got it for the celebrating anniversary or something.

Yeah, that was good salmon. I went and got in order to go, and then we satted a close down cafe outdoor seating and had some pizza. It was delicious.

You love pizza.

Let me tell you, I'm gonna have something this weekend for it.

Popcorn I did. I did have Garrets popcorn I got at the airport and it was delicious. I was eating it yesterday to get the Chicago style I did. I got Garrett's mix. It's half caramel corn, half cheddar cheese, which.

You wouldn't think would go together, but man, oh man.

Does something about that makes sense.

Works it rules. I bought it from the airport and the total price came out to six dollars and sixty six cents, and I got superstitious about that, so I did not open it on the plane. Wow, I thought that would be summoning the devil to our flight. So I wait until I got home.

I'm gonna say I respect that.

Yeah, but it was delicious. I think if you're going to Chicago, you gotta go to Peaquad's. That's that was the standout by far of all those places that I went.

I am so impressed with Easton's.

Like, I know, I talk about this all this time all the time, but his lack of sleep slash stamina to go see and experience things while.

On those short trips.

It's like, I admire it so much because I will never be that person.

But I'm like, barely what because we drink?

I don't drink that much? Oh really Yeah, no, I think I'm just lazy.

I'm like, god, this is sureka moment, I'm like, it's because he doesn't drink, so he's never hung over.

This one was rough because I stayed out really late and then I got up early and I did not eat like the pickle on my Chicago dog I think was the only vegetab like the whole time I was there, So that was I was pushing it. But uh, but I had a lot of fun and uh and I did my work. I did a great job of my work and uh, and I got to see a bunch of coolteff and hung out with a good friend of mine. I went to some tiki bars while I was there too. That was a lot of fun. Yeah, yeah, I made a good time.

You saw that. You saw the sites.

I saw all the sites. I saw the bridge where the Dave Matthews band had the incident. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm not gonna say it on the look it up. They had an issue with the the septic tank on their tour bus. Oh not familiar with that, Well, look at Dave Matthews band the incident. I saw the site of that happening. I went to the rock and roll McDonald's. I saw all the sites Chicago had to offer.

It's like he was there longer than we were, but he wasn't you know.

Yeah that the bus had to empty that thing and they added it in the wrong place and there was a sight seeing bod underneath where they have did.

It, and people got then, oh my god, I bridge.

There are plenty of lawsuits involved.

Oh yeah, yeah it was it was a tour bus driver that made the mistake.

I have like chills.

We were getting on our flight back from uh Chicago, and Tanya opted out of getting snacks because she was anticipating, you know, having something on the plane. And so I had all my snacks, guardettos, nerd clusters, cheese and cracker, little tarcutery situation.

Snack pack.

Creases, peanut butter cups, cookie dough bites.

Yeah, cookie dough bites. I just had a collection.

You know, guess who had her paws and everything the whole flight home.

In my defense, I got really nauseous when I got on the flight for some reason, Like I was feeling really nauseous, so I was like, I really do need one of those crackers.

Yeah, So I was giving her crackers and cheese, trying to settle her stomach, and then she just kept going.

Yeah, I didn't need to go for the nerds clusters, but I but I did.

I did go for the nerds clusters.

That was fun.

Though.

I enjoy when you eat my like I enjoy when you eat the food with me, because I love that you enjoy it, even though you try to pretend that you don't.

It's so satisfied.

Kale chip, Yeah, yeah.

But you sure finished the bag. When I was going to try and throw them away, I was like are you done? And you're like, are there more in there?

Yeah?

A nerds clustered let me tell you, but let me I forgot to mention the other day because I was in my bubble about Chris Martin.

I am so obsessed with Chris Martin. It does not.

Every experience have had with that man has been life altering.

Tell me about it.

He's so kind, he looks you in the eye, he remembers your name. He's so humble, he has no ego. And I saw him at the festival. I didn't like to see him in person. I saw him perform, but like it was so otherworldly, Like he makes you feel like you're the only person in the audience. And he's so calm and cool and collected, and I just love him like I love him.

It's like, oh, my bucket, let's just see a cold Play concert.

I've never been.

I saw them perform at the halftime in the super Bowl when and went with Amy.

Okay, oh my gosh, I'll never Okay, Like a cold Play concert is a different It is like singing sky full of Stars with like all.

Yeah, but yeah, let's want to come to New York this weekend. I think he's going to be a global citizen.

I'm okay, thank you, Okay, we do have Dear Bonya. So I think they're all they're not all anonymous today.

No they're not. But here's the thing, and this is, by the way, if you are a more praise for our producer, Sam, if you're a young aspiring podcast producer out there, write this down. So last time we did Dear Bonia, we're trying to figure out which ones to do, you know, we're looking ahead. Look, that's interesting. That's the thing. We're like, Oh, which one do you want to they're all anonymous? Do you want to the one this anonymous? You wanted the other one? The anonymous? On page six, Sam,

Yeah, honestly, thank you guys, love you.

Ah. You want to start with the one title new husband's life.

Yeah, it feels like a new book.

Yeah. I married my husband in April after three years of dating, and everything seemed to be going well. Recently, I found out that a friend of ours, who I thought didn't like me, has a history with my husband. My husband confessed that, yes, he and the friend they hooked up a few months before we met, and he told our friends not to tell me about it. I feel betrayed because he let me be belittled and withheld

Here's the thing. I don't like.

Something like this not being shared or disclosed up front, and I understand that if he's immature and doesn't have the emotional maturity to come forth about that, then he's thinking, I'm going to this doesn't matter to me because it's in the past, and I don't think it's a big deal, so I don't want to tell her. I think he just thinks that I don't want her to get so angry at me that.

It causes a huge fight.

But what he's done is now he's betrayed your trust, and it does feel it is going to turn into a big fight because he omitted the truth out of potentially trying to save himself from having to get into an argument with you about it.

I'm gonna be honest, None of this bothers me, aside from the fact that he told his friends not to tell you about it. That to me is the problem. The fact that he's hooked up with people before he met you, Like, to me, it's.

Like, don't like I don't want someone they both know.

Right, But like, I'm just like, that's in his past is before he met you. Don't go in the past. You're his present and his future. It's like, what's in the past is in the past. But what I don't like is that he intentionally told his friends not to tell you about it, which to me means he's hiding it, which I don't like.

Right, And I think that's just I think it's just emotional immaturity of being like, I'm scared. I don't want to own up to it. I told him I don't want to it to turn into something. And so now he's coming across as untrustful and omitting the truth.

Well, I think you can communicate that and say, look, I know you did nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong with you hooking up with Sarah. But what really bothers me is that you were telling people not to tell me, and it's just making me question. I don't like that, and so that's the feeling that's coming up for me.

And leave it at that.

Yeah, and he wouldn't want you don't don't about this. You know that is a weird thing. But Becca's exactly right. Guys are dumb. You can add this to the many many questions we've answered on the show that I answer with guys are dumb. Guy, he's just trying to avoid conflict. And I've been this guy before and stupid. But he'll figure it out. Don't worry about it, No nothing, don't worry about it. Don't feel like your marriage is in trouble. You guys can get through this. You're gonna be honest

Yeah, you live and you learn.

Yeah.

It's also like him needing to trust you that you can handle that information. Yeah, Like it's like proving to each other that you can trust each other and get through things. If he had just it's like he didn't trust that she could handle the fact that he dated someone that they both.

Know, right, Like maybe your reaction would be like yeah, because it blowed.

So there's been things where like Haley was like, oh, I didn't think it was important. I didn't want you to get upset, and I'm like, well, I feel more upset because you didn't tell me. But she was like, I didn't trust that you would be able to hand handle it. So that that's a little something we've worked on in therapy.

So can we take a break next, Yeah, let's take a break.

Did you catch that.

From losing to us?

All right?

It takes you like multiple days to recoup? Clearly, no, Like this is like scientific.

Yeah yeah, my body biological.

It's the deficit you're running correct.

Yeah, well, you're gonna be asleep. I have a good feeling about like eight eight pm tonight.

It's gonna be decadent.

All right.

We have an email from Cassidy and the title is newly Single.

I started listening to scrubbing in after the second People's choice whin that's funny, she shared about the first one. She's like, I don't know, yeah, that she was in and I've never looked back. I absolutely love all four of you, and I personally identifires more of a mark. Oh well, thank you very much, thank you for keeping me company while I get ready. I'm newly single, twenty seven year old female after a ten year relationship and a one and a half year relationship that I thought

I did, so what do you.

Have to say to young?

But I didn't.

I never felt any sort of expectation to go back to someone's house early on, Like I never even if it was maybe expected or but like I never felt I never took on that expectation because I just did it when I was comfortable. So I want to say for the first uh with Robbie, it was different because I felt very like my vagina told me early on, like something's different here. But I don't think like we went to We didn't. He didn't come over until like

No, Yeah, I mean no, I think that's just the comfort level that you have to feel with your intuition.

Like I don't think there. I would probably.

You know, if you're on a date, if you're feeling a little if that's something that makes you feel anxious, I would like really make sure you get to experience being out with them and seeing how they treat the waiters, like just paying attention to certain little details, you know, and make sure that if you have them back at your house, someone knows that someone's coming over, just like be cautious.

That's the other thing too, because I feel like when you met Haley, like you you guys had mutual friends, so it's like you knew that she wasn't like a psycho, do you know what I mean? Right, when you meet someone on the dating app and you don't have mutual friends, like, that's the scary thing because it's.

Like there's nobody to vouch for them.

You have no idea, like you don't know, right, So that's where it's like, Yeah, tell your friends where you're going, tell them if they're coming over, Like I always put everybody on alert.

And I do think if you're in a tell there's got to be someone that knows that person. Like, I just feel like if you're if you live in this same city as someone. I mean, obviously there's big cities, but even in.

LA there's people who know each other.

If you, you know, go on Facebook or Instagram and see who's fat, if there's any mutuals.

Yeah, cast out of why men ask everybody that you know if they know this.

Not everyone, but if you see, like, oh, someone that I feel comfortable asking information about follows this person, like what do they know about them? You know, that's always a good way. But also just trust your gut and I think that's valid. And I think you're very being very smart in how you're handling this because you're right, you don't know what people's intentions are. I think some people use the app for like hookups. I think some

I would share my location with everybody that would accept it, and tell everybody when you're going out on a date and where you're going personally.

No, I think that's just being smart about it, like letting people know where you are and who you're with and if they come over to your house or you go to their house, send send them.

So I'm not gonna go down this dark path. But I just heard a very scary story, so.

I'll leave it there. Wow dexter vibes.

Oh yeah, well, I'm not helping Cassidy at all.

No, That's what I'm saying. You had to be very the girl.

The girl was fine because she had a gut feeling about this guy, so she made him sleep on the couch.

Oh my gosh, that's so scary.

And he was banging on her door in the middle of the night, like saying something that was like loud, Can I sleep in your room?

And she was like, no, she didn't. She didn't open it. She called the cops. The cops came and he had the history.

Wow, ladies, please be careful there.

Be careful and follow your gut and your intuition.

Yeah, all right, Where were going next? Becca? What strikes your fancy?

Oh?

What strikes my fans?

Yeah? We talked about the drinking one. Do you want to do that one?

Yeah?

Uh, I know, Anonymous, I know that you both enjoyed drinking every now and again. But I find myself struggling to drink and moderate. It seems that I either don't drink at all and I'm happy, or I get drunk. How do you learn to drink in moderation. I've graduated from college, but I think I'm still in the college mindset. Any advice is helpful.

I could do some help myself. So I just really wanted advice from you.

So you've been trying to drink less. Moderation is the not less often, but less each time and less often.

Okay, yeah, just moderation in general.

And you're struggling with that struggle because once you have one, you have to have five.

Yeah, not really ten, But you know, I just kind of go by the like if I'm like having fun, I'll have another.

But I'm very happy to either not drink or stop after one, you know, So I'm very I would I would say this question is more for you. I also think there's something about the ritual of having a drink in your hand. So I think if you have a

Wow.

And it's like helped so much with her getting on a plane, because she used to feel like she had to have a glass of champagne and then that would add to the plane anxiety. And so now she is so much better on planes, way calmer. And I think that if you can look at it as like it's just helping your mental health a lot and like how you feel physically. But I think that sometimes it's just

Yeah, there's definitely that.

But it's so funny because like I think, come every Monday, Robby and I are like, yeah, we're gonna cut down the drinking.

And then I remember on our anniversary day, we.

Like went to and the minute we sat down, we had champagne and then we got a martini and then we had brought us over a little shot of something and I'm like and then there's an espresso martini coming out, and I'm like, here we are for drinks and on a Tuesday or whatever.

Yeah, it just happens. Life comes at you fast.

And I also think it's different when you have a part if you have like Haley does not drink. Like she'll have a drink if we're on vacation, but she very rarely is drinking. She will take an edible or something, but she is not a drinker. So it's very easy for me to not drink because I don't have my partner and the person that I'm doing, you know, right.

But my partner is like on the same page as me, Like we're both like, let's stop drinking as much.

And then we go to sit down to have dinner and then.

We're like, hmmm, or it's a taco Tuesday, We're like, should we open a bottle of wine?

I'm good with this red meat?

Yeah.

I think the maybe you just if you want to have one drink, then switch over to a mockdale or water or something and see if you can do the balance and if you can't. I don't think not drinking is a negative thing at all. It's poison.

It really is.

Literally drinking is bad either. I let me tell you something.

I'm saying, if you don't feel like you can do it in moderation and like you feel bad and like don't feel good when you're doing it, then I think I don't think it's a bad thing to not do it.

I think if you can balance it.

Of the two options, I think it's probably better to air on the set, right.

That's so fun when you're drunk, Yeah, it is.

Life comes at you fast, and then that next morning comes and you're like, never again.

Never again, have you been drunk.

I've never ever had a sip of alcohol?

Yeah?

I tried. I well, I did. I felt that fear pressure, fear pressured. I didn't. It wasn't that though I wanted.

We did the shot game where we had five pores of yeah, and I was like I just wanted him to be a part of it. But he was like, I'm not doing it. I'm not taking the risk. And I was like, how do I involve themselves? Like okay, you pour them and you know that's the way perfect. And then I felt guilty because I didn't know he had literally never had him a little bit.

How about this is the time everyone think you're so cool if you do it.

But I do think I may have said something like this is why not now you get that.

I get that from a lot of people like oh, I'm going to do it, I'm going to get you drunk, or.

Have annoying that.

I've had a lot of people be like, when you decided to do it, I want to be there.

I forget that too.

Yes, I'm sorry if I did that.

I did not feel believe me. I'm almost forty years old adult to be.

Involved in the game.

I did, and I appreciate you.

I was hoping you were going to get water is what I was hoping. But I thought what's meant to be will always be.

Said Alison got it who also rarely.

Yeah, my family is very very into why And every time I go to like Christmas or something, still they offer like you said, can't wear your glass. I'm like I'm good and like okay, they still offer it to me, and I appreciate that. I appreciate being included in like the ritual of it, but also straightage for life.

Baby.

Yeah.

The people that are like I'm gonna get you drunk, Yeah, it's so weird. We all just like, as a society, we all do these things where we like pushy push other people to do things that they don't want to do.

It's so weird. I'm sure I do it all the time.

Too, So I'm including myself in this annoyingness.

But it's very annoying. Like I will never ask another bride when her wedding date is ever.

Speaking of, I'll never do that. I'm on our lot of episode.

I'll never do it.

We're narrowing it down. I know that, Yeah, we may have a.

Month when I know I'll let every everybody in my circle, everybody in my circle, everybody that's invited will know.

That's interesting. It's interesting that that bugs you. And yet I'm asked on a regular basis when I'm getting married by you, Well, so, or do I ever think about my wedding? Or what would it look like? Am I going to get engaged? Say what kind of ring do I want? Interesting, I've made it clear where I stand on that.

Well, so.

That was just because you said that you're not going to tell anybody. So I feel like I need to ask because you said you weren't going to tell me do you get what I'm saying? Where it's different where I will you will be the first person to.

Know when I walk in a date. Why are you laughing at that?

Watch your mind like clicking. It's I love it.

The rationalization is so difficult here, but you're finding a way to do it.

So if you are, if you're telling me you're not going to tell me, then I need to ask no.

But she's telling you she's not going to tell you because she wants it to be a surprise, So you asking doesn't help.

Wellading she's loading. But then she's like, oh, we should look at wedding bands, and I'm like, oh, yeah, are we thinking about wedding bands?

So I was going to a jewelry opening event for Ring Concierge and I Tanya will eventually be looking for wedding bands, and I was like, would you want to be my plus one if you want to look at wedding man's while we're there. I didn't say anything about me looking at wedding man's talking about you as the bride to be.

Then you posted the photo saying I do be browsing Hailey Kyoko, which got a lot of traction in the Facebook.

So you know what you're doing, is Rebecca Tilly.

I didn't say I'm dumb and didn't sam dumb content. I am a content creator.

She do be browsing.

So that was a big old rock dude, Haley goes, are you sure you like it that big? That up?

Mm hmm.

I like the round on you though.

It was pretty hard.

It was very pretty.

Yeah that I only don't tried on two though.

I know, but the round is like hard. I tried it on a round and it did not look pretty on me.

Well, Ali has a round and I've I've tried that on and I've always been like, oh, I like how that looks.

Yeah.

So yeah, but anyways, shall we get back to Bonnia questions?

I think we should take a break and then get back to Oh my gosh.

One thing we do is we take breaks. Let's go.

All right, we are back and we have time for one more dear Bonnia question.

I like it when they send in this cute stuff like this. This is Caitlin who came up with this. Hi friends Legit feels like we're best friends, so just go with it. Okay, So it's a fun one. Can you guys categorize the original Gray's interns, that being Magic Meredith, Alex, George, Izzy, and Christina. But whether you feel like each one is a Becca or a Tanya? My best friend and I

Alex Becca?

Correct?

Yes?

How so?

I feel like he's just very to himself and is just like quiet and does this thing and doesn't need.

Or want attention.

Interesting?

What about him makes him a Tanya?

I feel like he was very much like in the dating game, like dated a lot. I was like out and about dating. That's really it. Yeah, no, all right, fine, we'll give you him.

Yeah. I think he's a Becca George.

Tanya oh soo, just very willing to please and very you know, wanting to be a part teacher's pet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right?

Is heya? Okay? And Christina Becka?

Oh how is Christina Tanya?

How is she a Becca? She's like emotionally shut off.

Yeah.

I don't think I'm emotionally shut off. But I do feel like I keep my cards a little closer than you.

Yeah, I guess I could see that.

I think she.

Would craft a text way more like me than she would not be sending dms of trying to continue the drink conversation.

That's true, that's fair, that's fair.

What about her makes her a Tania Tea.

Pipe very Type A?

You are not type.

What I've realized traveling with you is you are not Type SO. I don't think you're as organized and prepared as you. I think being prepared and stuff is Type A. How I see Type A.

I don't think.

I'm not saying this is a negative thing too. I'm I'm pleased to see the cracks in the the cracks in the floor.

Yah, it's good. I feel like Robbie's like relaxed you what not emotionally.

But I'm so Type A doesn't get more Type A than me.

Really, I think you.

Envision yourself as Type A, and I think at one point in your life you were more Type A. But I don't think you are as much Type A anymore. I'm not I again, this is not a negative thing saying this as a complimented.

What traits do you have that are Type A.

I like to go to bed at the same time. I like to eat the same things. I like to have my routine. I like to be clean.

I like type is defined by ambition, drive, and competitiveness.

Oh interesting, Wow, you like routine. Yeah.

Yeah, oh, and I'm not that I've had that wrong my whole life.

Read me it again.

A Type A personality is defined by ambition, drive, and competitiveness, which can lead to a high level of success. They can also be impatient, hostile, and have trouble relaxing.

Yeah, all those things. I'm all those things, except not super competitive.

Yes, one of the main thing. I think aggressive, ambitious, controlling.

All those things.

Type B is easy going, relaxed, and highly flexible.

No me, I think you're an in between. I think you're like a B B plus A minus.

Thank you Type A minus you thinking.

No, I'm saying I don't think you. I don't think you hit B. I think you're A minus whatever. The lowest grade of A is ninety three your B Type B.

Yes.

In relationships, type as take the lead. They want to be dominant. They take the lead, planning days, deciding on activities, that sort of thing.

You're not that, No, I'm not that, although they're.

Calling the family meetings every month. Seems kind of a type a personality.

Yeah, c c, No, you have traits.

I just I said, at one point you were way more type, and I feel like you've.

Relaxed a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

Pre Robbie was a time she was meticulous, meticulous.

Yeah, but I think a lot more people think they're type than actually are type. Yeah.

I agree. Yeah, my apartment used to look like a museum.

But Christina, her whole thing was dirty.

It was my gosh, you're right, even worse than me. Yeah, she's such a Becca, you're right.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's it.

And that's all for now.

If you want to submit a Dear Bonnier question, dms on Instagram at scrubbing and pod or email us at scrubbing into iHeartMedia dot com.

You know, it was a fun little fact that I realized after the crossover episode, because I always thought that Camilla Luddington was more of a Becca and Jessica Capshaw was more of a ton Yet, but it's actually opposite. Yes, Jessica Capshaw's the Becca and Camilla is the tone.

I can see that now that I've listened to call it what it is.

Yeah, so that's a little fun fact. I'm going to put that in my bike.

Just what that Camilla is a Tania, just her first name, You're just c L.

Yeah.

All right, Well that's all for now, but we will be back next week with more riveting content for you all, and we can't wait.

Can't wait.

Love you so much.

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