Dear Banya: Squash the Crush

Scrubbing In with Beca Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio, and two times People's Choice Award winning podcast.

Hello Everybody, we are rubbing it so fast.

I just don't love it.

Like why.

You loved it three days ago? You're fine with it.

I was fine with it.

Now I'm back to not loving it. But I can I can work shop it.

Say start say it again? Like say how you would say it?

Hello everybody?

We are I gotta sing something why because it's nice?

We are What if you're like we are scrubbing? Yeah, there we go.

Okay, Okay, I like where we're heading.

Okay, we are scrubbing in. Okay, it either, but I'll workshop it.

We have a deer Bonnie episode which we just love.

We do love.

Getting emails from me also or d ms or you know. I see a lot of stuff in the Facebook group where I'm like, should we bring these to the dear BONI. Sometimes they're about anal sex so.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah.

Sometimes podcast we do we want a technical term?

Do you want to know what I'm doing? Which is like funny?

So I did this thing with Joe Jonas this week and I have a polaroid picture with him. They gave me the polaroid and I put it up on my like.

Car, no dash, like.

Not dash, but it's like like where my little screen is like, yeah, my car. Yeah, I'm waiting to see If Robbie notices.

It would be really strange and be doesn't notice that if he gets into your car and isn't like you can't.

See navigation, Like it's right in front of everything you need to see.

First of all, I don't need navigation. I got it all.

But yeah, that's funny.

I know that was pretty funny myself.

I saw a really funny TikTok because his new video is about like it's a song about falling in love and by heart, heart by heart, and it's this video and he's like making out with this girl and stuff, and people are like, I'm married with kids, And I felt physically sick sing that Joe Jonas kissed another girl in this video, and all the comments were like, I'm so concerned at how it made me feel like I was actually being cheated.

I don't my heart actually hurt for him in that video. At the end, I was like, oh, I didn't watch it. Oh, I just saw clips from the TikTok oh, my gosh.

Immediately yeah, now.

I watched five seconds of his video.

I'm sure, yeah, great thing is where it gets you in the and you're like ooo, but I'm not like a die hard.

Don't say it.

I'm saying. I'm not like. I don't I'm not like I like their music, but I don't need to go watch a video like I used to. Sometimes I watch like old Britney Spears videos and stuff. But yeah, but I'll go watch it. I mean, you got he piqued my interests.

Okay, good?

Shall we with the dear bonya from anonymous.

I moved to a new city two years ago to try something different while working remotely, not for a job, not for a relationship. I became close with my childhood friend's friend group, and at first it was fun, welcoming, but over time I realized this group is toxic, drama, gossip. People get upset over the smallest things. I heard through the grapevine that one of the friends is mad at me for not being supportive enough after her minor car accident.

I often think of that too.

Because I'm stuck here. Even though some of the people who work for this company during the pandemic moved far away, which is an odd choice. I think when it's never it's the company hasn't said this is now a permanent situation. I think it's a weird move. But in your life.

Situation time, if I may please, we were all under the impression we were going to be working remotely like forever.

I was not under that impression.

Oh I was.

Yeah, you thought the pandemic was going to go forever or yeah, like I thought like whatever, like this was going on, like it was just going to keep going and we would just like figure out how to work not around a lot of people.

Yeah it was dark.

Dark, Yeah really Yeah.

So that I went and then play sorry to commandeer this one, But also have a quote that I think you're going to enjoy for this situation, anonymous. Some people don't like you because your spirit irritates their demons.

Isn't that a good quote again for the people in the bad.

Some people don't like you because your spirit irritates their demons. It sounds like that's happening with a lot of these friends.

Yeah. I think when people when their lives aren't in a content place or happy place. They literally cannot handle being around people who are content and thriving, and so it's like you either are subjecting yourself because these are your friends and I'm holding quotes up because you just feel like they're your only option and it feels harder to go out and meet new people. But it's also

Oh that reminds me. I know, Yeah we can get back there.

Yeah we'll get back to that. But I think that you are in a position where it seems like you're thriving in your personal life, and it's so important to either have conversations about like, hey, I just be honest with them, Like if I was always being negative and I wasn't self aware enough to realize that I was always being negative. I would hope that someone would be like, are you okay? Like, I'd hope someone like Tanya would check me and be like, it's a hard conversation because

Yeah, I agree, but I also think not everybody's like receptive.

To that type of stuff, do you know what I mean? So, yeah, and.

It's a risk, But at the same time, what do you The option is either you have the conversational where you can maintain a friendship with them, or you just subtly distant, distance yourself and meet new people that align with you.

You can also distance yourself but not cut them off, do you know what I mean?

But if I'm saying, if they're like, hey, why have you not been hanging out with this? Why have you been distant? I think it's like, Hey, I've noticed there's a lot of drama and negativity in this in this group, and I'm not in a place where I want to feed into that or invite that in So I've just I've noticed I've intentionally distanced myself and I love you guys. It's not like I don't want to have y'all as friends. It's just hanging out with you causes more angst angst, yeah than I want.

Yeah, nobody wants angst.

And also maybe you just find someone to sub sublet your place and find another place to live, a better roommate situation like Alaska.

I don't know about Alaska. Maybe yeah, but she said she has a healthy relationship, so I don't know if that means she they're like bringing reship. But I'm saying, like, how fun to go maybe move somewhere fresh and stuff together. Yeah, but we truly wish you the best. I think that's really hard because you're at that age where it feels like, how do you meet friends as an adult? Like, that's the age where you really feel it, I think, and I mean, I think that's when I met you at twenty seven.

It is.

It's when life will bring you your best, most cherished friendships.

I agree.

Well, that really ties nicely into the.

Next one is Jojo and Allie.

I'm at twenty seven.

Yeah, twenty six and twenty seven.

You were given off some pheromones. At twenty six, twenty se I.

Was giving I need friends.

It ties in quite nicely with what we're talking about high scrubbing and team I love you all, but listeners at the beginning, I feel like y'all are my besties. I know every one of you is happily paired up now, but Becca and Tyny, when you were still single, how did you deal. I'm twenty nine and all of my friends are engaged or married in the last two years. I'm the token single friend, and I'm personally content with it.

It's so funny because I even though I'm in a relationship, so it's different than what she's going through. But there's been a lot of big events where Haley's been on like a work trip or not been able to go to things. And I just love my friends and their partners so much. I never feel like, well, Tanya, Robbie and Tanya told me I'm not a third whell, I'm just a wheel, So they've never made me feel like

Yeah, I really think there is nothing wrong with making new friends as adults that are in the same life phase as you, because like that, I remember I was like so sad, like right after college because all my friends just started getting married, Like all my college friends just like married babies, like that was that was the path.

I wanted to be in a relationship because I did.

I felt so left out and that was the only reason, do you know what I mean?

Like everything else is going great, My career was going great.

I was loving my life, but I just felt left out of like that life cycle. And I made a lot of great single friends in LA that were all

Do you know what I mean.

It's like it's always evolving, Like your life is always needing to like make new friends, not necessarily get rid of the old, no, just like.

Have connections with people who are going through the same things. I told I was thinking about that for Ali, like she's really in our big friend group. She's the first one to get pregnant, and so I'm like it's going to be natural for her to make friends with people who are able to relate to what she's going through

And a huge shift when I met Robbie and I had step kids involved in my life because I feel like I didn't know in the beginning, like are my friends going to want to hang out when when we have the step kids, like you know what I mean, Like do we do I have my friends come over and do we do barbecues together?

Like I never I didn't really know that balance.

And now it's just like one big happy family, right and everybody just comes and it is what it is. But that was an adjustment for me too, because I went from like being single to being like in a relationship with kids involved.

You know what I mean.

So that was like very yeah, big jar jarring.

Yeah.

And I also she said she's content, like she's not even necessarily like, oh my gosh, I need to be in a relationship. It's more so just like all of her best friends are in a relationship. And I think that it's You're in a really nice place of being content with your life. So I think you just find people who are also content with where they are in

I think that'd be great.

Okay, here's a teas.

Here's the teas coming up next. Married bestie has a crush.

WHOA wow, you left us on the edge of our seat with that teas mark.

All right, anonymous, love you all, but listening for years. I have two besties going back to middle school. We're in our late twenties now. One of the three of us got married last year. Are married. Bestie drunkenly admitted on a girl's night that she has feelings for her coworker. She has a job where they spend many hours. It's just the two of them, so I can see how you could get very close. But this was shocking news. He's also not conventionally attractive. Sorry, so it's not just

Yes?

Do we chalk it up to drunk nonsense although she seemed to be aware of what she was saying. Or do we confront her about it? I would never tell her husband, But now I'm in a weird spot of not knowing what to say to her. I'm not even sure she remembers telling us, thank you.

You pretend like you never heard it. You don't know what she's talking about. You can't What are you gonna do? Confront her?

I would just be asking questions, how's the coworker situation? Like if you told me you had a crush on Mark?

Understandable?

I would go.

I would be like, I can't, how's the crush on Mark?

Like?

I'd be like, what's going on with that? Because I'm nosy and want to know, like where your head like is like, I guess I would be checking in, just like I would like I want to just all this sudden ignore. You would never just ignore that if I told you something really deep about my feelings about anything, you would never just like act like you never heard. You'd follow up and ask questions about it.

So I'd be like, Hey, Becka, how's your crush on Mark?

You have the crush I'll be on Easton. My crush will be on Easton.

So I'll be like, Becca, how's your crush on Easton? Have you talked talked to Haley about it?

Yeah?

I'd be like, I don't know. I don't know what to do. We're spending so much time together in the stew in the studio, but that is weird. I think the problem with that type of work relationship is when you're solo time with someone, it puts you in a compromist position no matter what. And I think that I don't think that the best friends should or the anonymous should say anything or obviously don't tell the husband or anyone.

I've heard relationship experts say that this is perfectly normal, it happens. In fact, I just brought up the old Ai Surgeru. It's normal for a married person to have a crush on a coworker, attraction, infatuation, or natural human experiences. It's common to be drawn to others. It's just crucial to distinguish a casual crush and a situation that could jeopardize a marriage.

They're usually like a very brief thing.

Too sad. That would make me so sad if I like knew that.

Well, it's also like you don't You can't control. You can't control attraction or feelings. You control on how you act on it.

And but but but no, I feel like.

You mean to tell me. You meet Robbie. You're working with Robbie and he you're both married, and you're working side by side alone, and you see those hands in action, typing on a keyboard.

You're not married to Yes, Garth, you married Garth. Okay, so I'm married to Garth. Okay, and I meet Robbie.

Yeah.

So the thing is my vagina tingles belong to Garth, My everything belongs to Garth.

You can control that.

My heart controls that, and my heart is with Garth. When Garth has my heart, no vagina is not tingling.

Because you're just not. Your heart is the reason why you put distance there. That your heart is the reason why she should go. Hey, I'm spending too much one on one time. It's like confusing my brain. It's I don't want it to affect my marriage. So I'm either're going to remove myself or suggest that we are in a space where we're working remotely and we're not physically together. That's what your heart does because your brain does not know how to differentially my.

Brains with Garth to my heart and my brain are with you telling us that if you're married to Garth and you all those hands on.

Robbie, they would just look like normal hands to you. Yes, wow, wow.

Look I'm on the I've only been with what we've been together now for five and a half years. Okay, I don't know what it's like to be married for ten years, for twenty years, for thirty years.

I don't know.

But all I'm saying is myself, in this very moment, my head and my heart belonged to Garth, even Robbie and his hot ass hands come around me.

They're not doing it.

You would go to Arth. I wouldn't even know radars off.

It's with Garth.

Seventy four percent of full time employees and committed relationships revealed they've been attracted to en office colleague.

Attracted is different than a crash though, perhaps Yeah?

Yeah?

Well, and also she said she said it's feelings. She said, yeah, she did say, is.

Like I was, like finding someone attractive. There's crush and then there's feelings.

I think I'd rather I would rather I would hate any of it. But if I had to choose, I'd rather someone just find someone at track, Yes, because then I could be like, yuh, she's borty y. Yeah.

Well, it's got to be people Hailey finds attractive.

I mean, she better not.

All right to move or not to move. I've been a big fan since COVID after my best friend introduced me to you guys. Some days, you guys help me get out of bed in the morning. I feel like laughing with friends brightens my spirits on hard days. Well, in twenty six I married my high school's sweetheart. We broke up for two years, like Tany and Robbie, but I always knew he was my person. I'm twenty six,

Love you all so much, Missouri, your family, your bff are not going anywhere. Nope, you can move to Florida. He can become the VP, which is epic at twenty seven, and y'all could live there for however long makes sense, like a year, and if you hate it, you can always go back. I think this is an opportunity for y'all to expand and do something like really cool for his career, and your family can come visit. I don't

See.

I don't know what you're friend does. See if she wants to move to Florida, why not.

I just feel like if you don't do this, it's gonna be something that you're going to always be thinking about, like what if we did that? And if it sucks, like Becca said, then just move back. But I feel like if you don't do it, you're always going to be questioning what if we had done that.

I think it only enhances your life to live somewhere else in America, in the world, whatever it is. You'll become a better and more rounded person than staying in the same place forever.

Agree, And every single person who has ever moved anywhere has felt fear and nerves and what sure and what you're feeling is totally normal. But what if you don't, You're always going to wonder.

Yeah.

The night I got into to Los Angeles from Wisconsin, I was scared to bet. What have I done? Was all I kept thinking to myself. It was so scary, so scary. Yeah, but we've all done it except Tanya Tiny grew up here, the rest of us somewhere else, but she went.

To Arizona for ye, and I grew up in Orange County, which is like a totally different universe from Los Angeles.

That's true.

Yeah.

All we have to say is if not now, when and if not you, who, and if not there where?

Yeah?

Hey, we have two fun questions to wrap up. Wow, dear Vonya today, that's next.

All right, we are back with some ending questions.

Stephanie Hi beca Eastern Marcantania alphabetical order. You're a podcast, especially in the episodes with the four of you, brings me so much joy each week. And I only complained is that I wish they were longer a fun game. My family, friends and I like to play a desert island movies. These are the top three movies you would bring to a desert island. By the way, it is desert island. I always feel like that's a misnomer. They

Deserted deserted island?

Yet I'm staying with desert. Okay, it can be arid and dry.

Uh.

These are not necessarily the best movies you've ever seen, but the movies you can watch over and over again. What would yours be?

I've got mine ready, so go ahead.

It's how many three?

Three?

I always have a hard time remind you remembering what insurance I have. But this thing I've got ready to go? Baby, it would be Uh, it would be the first Transformers movie. It would be Captain America The Winter Soldier Wow.

And it would be Back to the Future Wow. I watched those at least like once a month.

Wait was Captain America the sequel?

That's right, and you liked it better.

Than the first?

Okay, it's rare. I have mine, my gosh. Well, Okay, he's just not that into you.

Wow, home alone too, because I need something. I would need something for the holidays time. And my third one would be I'll just guy in ten days.

Oh that's I'm going. Do you have yours?

Yeah?

Okay, please.

I don't watch a lot of movies over and over again, but these are the ones I've gotten the most joy out of watching over and over again. La La Land, I love La La Land, and I could watch it again and again and again. I am so mesmerized by Emma Stone in that movie. She's brilliant in it. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

I have been wanting to rewatch that lately.

So I've never even heard.

Of this Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet, and it's just glorious.

I think I would have a deeper response because I'm in a relationship now because I watched it long time ago, so I think I would have a different reaction to it.

And there's so much to it. There's so many little things that you miss unless you watch it again and again and again. Okay, and now need a comedy and I'm torn on that. I've always said my favorite movie of all time is Airplane, the original Airplane movie from nineteen eighty. You know it's the first parody movie.

You know what about planes, trains and automobile.

Oh, that's a pretty good one. That might be better. That's probably the good voice I'll do.

That's a little holiday.

Yeah, you're right. It is idea.

You're gonna want something during the holidays.

Airplane is not age that well, is what I have found.

I don't know about that one. I have never seen it. It's funny, but I was gonna do huddle those today's. But I'm gonna let that be yours, because you have the rental from the Desert the Island Blockbuster. I'm gonna do Malana. Wow, I love Malanna, my sick comfort man.

The line where the sky makes.

Okay, I would feel inspired to leave the island. I'm gonna say the holiday for my holidays.

You need one. You're gonna need one around November December t Yeah, and.

Then I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. Bride's aids so funny. It makes me laugh, even when my real preference would be to get to pick three seasons of friends.

But I don't know when I was gonna say in the City movie because I like, I feel like I would like to dabble with my gals, But I didn't love the movie as much as was controversial.

Yeah all right, Riley asks I Beka, Tanya Mark and Eastern Day eighteen scrubber but one true life? Wow, I too, like the light had a fun question at the end of your Bonnie, So here's one. Haley Kyoko, the director is now casting for the Scrubbing and Uncut movie. Who would you each cast for yourself and the three others could be actor, actor, singer, influencer, whoever you want. But let's be fun and creative so that this movie wins a golden globe. Look forward every podcast. Love you guys.

Good one, Thank you Solid. Netflix might pick it up with oh.

Do you know?

Also there is a guy the lead in Conclave. His voice reminded me of you, Anthony.

Ray Fine? Right? Is Ray Fine? Is he the lead?

And he's in Conclave? He is the lead?

I love?

Yeah?

Yeah, I have an idea for Becca Madeline Kleinting.

I'm honored. I think she's beautiful but random?

Oh really?

Also, twenty seven are we care about maybe it's like the Origin because I cast somebody.

Mark, so.

I already have mine to who you have a guess?

I do.

I've always wanted her to.

Play me, Jennifer Goodwin.

No, what do you mean?

No, didn't she didn't somebody compare you to her?

Yeah?

Oh but no, that's not the correct answer.

Okay, wait is she in our age range?

No?

Oh, younger, yes, younger yes, Florence.

No, but I wouldn't be a post Yeah, that would work any other guesses, guys, it's like so easy. She's been on the podcast many times. Very memorable guest.

If you will, Letington just a capsule, Sabrina Carpenter.

Yeah, yes, I was just gonna say that, Yes, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'm looking at actress.

She's an actress, Megan Trainer. She can do whatever she wants. She's a chameleon.

But Easton, we haven't gotten to Easton.

I'm saying Adam Brody, he's pretty good.

She's older than me, significantly older than me, so much older than Fred Savage.

Fred Savage like Adam Brody.

And I was thinking for you, Lady Hudson, a little older than you, but fine, love, I.

Was thinking Tom Everett Scott for Easton, Tom from that thing you do?

Oh yes, uh you also just like decades older than me.

I'm going to do Freddy Prince Junior for Easton.

Wow, that's crazy, that's literally insane.

I'll take it.

I like Adam Brody the bust.

Adam Brodie is pretty strong.

How about Tom Hanks, Tomminks now for me?

That would win a Golden Globe?

Yeah, yes it would.

I don't know. I'm not seeing anyone that I resonate with. I mean, like I they're all beautiful, but I don't.

See I was thinking Addison Ray for you me.

Yes, well, she's like twenty two, thanks you soon, She's.

Been in a movie. She knows what she's doing.

Yeah, yeah, we went to she went to the high school I graduated, brom.

So really, wow, do they have a statue there of you?

So do you like thought of me?

Maybe of her like Addison Ray or Madeline Klein? Better you have the ultimate say because it's your depiction.

You know who I'd like. That's just like is like Olivia Wilde.

Oh oh nice.

More of my age range. They're both like low twenties that people all gave me, which I really appreciate.

Actually Green is a suggestion from Google.

Ai Rebecca, Yeah, yeah, okay, what do they said for me?

Well, let's ask it, scared, I don't even know, but I don't know if chat epet knows you. Okay, here, I'll just hear it. We'll do this. This will be easier and faster with the type someone did did you put a photo and said, I said, Beca Tilly? What celebrity does she look like? And it said She's been compared to many actors, a few different celebrities. Some people say she looks like Ashley Green, We'll others compare her to Olivia Munn. Wait, so I've also mentioned selverted with

Are we sure we're not talking about Becca Kufrian from the Did you put Becka from The Bachelor.

Beca Tilly's that's so crazy. Let's ask chat gipt and see what they say. Lily ryinhurt, I'm seeing you're familiar with what Tanya Rad looks like.

I'm familiar with Tanya Rad as a co host on the radio show, but I can't provide descriptions of how someone looks. If you have any other questions or need assistance with something else, feel.

Free to ask.

I don't need a description. I'm just wondering if you can think of any celebrities that she looks like.

I understand it's common for people to hear comparisons to celebrities. If you're asking for a general idea, I can help with that. Let me know if you have any other questions, or if there's anything else you'd like to do.

Chest This is so worth the gallon celebrity does Tanya rad look like?

I don't have the ability to compare people's appear oay wait.

I just did chat GPT what actress would Beckettilly play? Would play Beckettilly in a movie? And they said, if Beckettilly from The Bachelor, podcasting and influencer fame were portrayed in a movie, here are a few actresses who could play be a good match based on looks, vibes, and personality. Britt Robertson, I love her. I don't know who that is.

She was in one of my favorite shows that got canceled and it should not have gotten canceled.

Okay, Lily James, I think she's in James is great?

She was real.

What it says, especially if you're leaning into Becca's more glamorous influencer side, Sophia can capture that media savvy confidence.

Wow, that's amazing. So random, Robertson's not a bad idea.

So I asked the same that as Becca has, what time you're brat and they say, Sophia Carson.

Wait, that is so funny. Okay, well well we'll think more on that, but that was fun. Riley, thanks for sitting in that queue. That's all for now, folks, have a wonderful weekend. We enjoy and be safe. Be safe, and thank you to those who have served.

And we'll see you Tuesday.

Yeah, we'll be back Tuesday.

I love you.

Continued