Dear Banya: Paperwork Schmaperwork

Scrubbing in with Becka Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio and two times People's Choice Award winning podcasts Hell Love everyone.

We are scrubbing it.

I like it.

Yeah, you can't see, but it's spear of fingers hello everyone.

Yeah.

By the way, here's a fun fact about Tanya. When she records commercials for Kiss, she waves because then now I start with hi everyone, it's Tanya, right, Tanya, And she waves to get into the hey, the headspace of actually someone actually saying hello to you.

I want to smile too.

I want the inflection and ffliction of my boys to sound like I'm saying hey, I'm waving, not.

Acting like actually saying hi to you. So she waves, No one, I will help if I'm in the studio, and I will wait, wait back.

It's just partnership right there.

It makes your smile more, which makes it a better commercial.

Yeah, well it's beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. And now the when I hear her on.

The radio, but I'll do it now on the podcast. Hey everyone, scrubbing anything, I'll wave every time.

Great love that you remember back in the day when we were to like rehearse your commercials, Yes, yeah, that's crazy. When she first started doing commercials, she had like she was nervous about it. You know, we had to run it a few times them like one hundred the tone right, yeah.

I know, like a little duck like learning how to walk.

They do Okay, did that sound okay?

Yeah?

Yeahould say that.

Yeah. Well, especially the news too. The news was like a whole.

No new intimidate Meal Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

There's like an inflection that you have to have, like ending a story going into the next story. It's like if you want to keep the train going clear.

Don't act like there's a set period, just keep it going. And I'm like, there's a period, so I can't keep it. Guy, I talk, Yeah, that's how I read your text messages.

That's funny. I don't think that's how you talk. Well, yeah, I really have been.

It's interesting, you know, I forget that you're just y'all are all on just a national radio station, and like my cousins and people text me and be like it's so crazy hearing you know, them talk, and then your name's mentioned or like Ryan will mention your name.

I feel like we mentioned your name.

Yeah, yeah, you come up quite a bit.

Yeah, honored truly, but it's so crazy because I'm just you know, y'all are my friends.

Y'all are a big, big deal in this world, big deal in this radio world, national, nationally.

That's right, that's right.

And don't you forget it.

Yeah, don't you forget it?

Speaking of coworkers, are first, dear bomb. Your question leads right into.

It, sure does. It's from an anonymous scrubber who says, dear beca Tanya Mark. Andi's the longtime listener here. I never miss an episode and I look forward to it twice a week. I need help. I'm falling hard for a close friend I've worked with for about a year and a half, and for the past year our roles have merged, so we spend a lot of time together

Make your move, Yeah, make the move.

I also.

I will compliment someone like I'll be like, oh, you know, Tanya, you.

Look so beautiful today. But if I was like you always do.

I would definitely think you're flirting.

Yeah, there's just like it's different giving a compliment, but then.

Yeah, like it's like, oh, I love your outfit, I'd love to see you without it.

Onto That definitely is a tall tale sign of flirting. Yeah, but I think y'all both are feeling it. I I don't know if it's a I mean, I think you could wait until her, if her divorce is finally maybe she's waiting for that thing, keeping keeping y'alls alone, time limited, Maybe the vanish is final.

Yeah, but like these paperwork and stuff, this stuff takes so much longer PaperWorks work. I say, you dig in now, there's no time.

If not now.

When?

If not you, who, if not her?

Who?

If it's not now, it's not if it's.

Not why no? Not here?

Not here? Where?

Here's my here's my thing?

Though?

When when you're going through it?

Because that's why?

Yes?

Yeah.

Is it like one of those things where there might be uh some legality things of making sure the divorce is final in terms of child support.

Yeah, that's involved. I think wait for them. It's only a month. Keep keep flirting, keep establishing a foundation. Divorce is final, we move in.

Yeah, this is a month, a month away.

I don't think it's gonna be a month.

I think it's gonna be more well what we have.

But I'm just saying she might.

Think, you know, what's in a month? The fourth of July is a month from today.

That's cra Also, no one wished me Happy Pride as part of the l g B t q U.

I mon, it's your your month only.

No, it's not just my month, correct, it's everyone's month.

Yes, happy Pride month. Are you offended that we didn't tell you?

No?

No, no, But he was just saying, you know what's in the month fourth of July?

So I just skipped Rainbow flag?

Yeah?

Why are you rushing Pride month?

Mark?

Are you going to the Pride Pride?

I don't know. Haley wanted to do something for Pride, but I don't know what we're gonna do. I've never been to the parade. We've been to like the concert that because Haley performed with Fletcher.

Yeah, but it was a little late for me personally.

Yeah.

I don't have a big crowd, yeah, and I don't love like a big crowd during the day and like the heat.

Yeah.

So yeah, but we'll probably do something. Okay, I'll let you know if you want to.

Love me not because I might be there as well.

You might be roaming the streets.

Yeah on Sunday?

Oh really?

Yeah?

With whom wouldn't you like to know. Yeah, my husband. Well yeah, so anyway, by.

The way, I haven't eat pride story. I thought this is really cool in Utah. Utah is a very conservative state, yes, and like many conservative states, they're trying to ban pride flags, which is because we live in a weird, messed up world. But whatever, so Utah did. They said, you can no longer fly any flags on government property except the American flag, the state flag of Utah, an official city flag or maybe an Olympic flag or something like that. Just a

They do that?

What do you mean?

How did they do that?

Which part put.

It on the They put it like up and they just like redesigned the flag.

They read they made you can have multiple city flags.

Sol has a logo on I don't know the Salt Lake City Excuse me, I don't know the UTA. That's a flag let's do it like if it was a United States flag. So they would just take out like the blue and the white wait, yeah, the blue and the white stripes, and they would make that like rainbow, and then they would put the fifty stars like in the thing.

We have red and white stripes on the American flag.

Another day, spread and white red and white stripes.

Are they put You're not to mess with the American flag. That's not like they're fine flat and city flags are a little bit flags. And by the way, your excuse for not knowing what you to off state flag that's like this is.

The there's a Salt Lake city flag and then the new one, the cool one.

Thank you for the visuals, because that's what I was really needing.

Okay, this is this is the one.

Oh cute picturing the blue and white of the that's what you were thinking.

Yes, yes, they have like it looks like a flower or something, some kind of emblem.

They just put that on top of the rain.

But okay, okay, thank you.

I thought that was neat for you know.

What's interesting is a lot of people are like, oh, like, don't shove that in our face and blah blah blah, like you don't have to have it on everything. But I saw there's this commercial and like, a it's a different country, I think Sweden or something, and they were it's they were talking about pride, and it's this gay man sitting on the train and.

It's this other guy that like looks like would.

Be someone who wouldn't agree with this man's lifestyle or would say he wouldn't agree with it, sits down in front of him and like is staring at him, and he gets uncomfortable and like uncrosses his legs and tries to look more like masculine, and the guy like pulls up his sleeve and he has a rainbow bracelet on, and so it's like, all of a sudden, he felt safe to like be himself because he saw like the guy wanted him to see, like he was a you know, all out and I felt like, wow, it was because

Right, they're not the same thing because a lot of those hats and flags are threatening.

Yeah, they want you to feel, yes, for sure.

So I think that I think if you have had those feelings about the room of a flag and be like you don't need we don't need to see it. Whatever, it is important, and I think it's important that you know that it's important. Same you know, and it's important to know your flags, but.

Not I know the American flag.

You know, you knew two of the colors, you knew there was a third.

I knew there was a square in the corner of the stars.

The stripe to represent do you know how many stripes there are?

Thirteen? That's right, colonies, that's it.

Yeah, there you go.

What about the stars? How many stars are they?

This number of states right, this which is fifty one?

You got your eye on Yeah, yes, it was over real.

She was thinking deck of cards.

Yeah, all right, we have a confused scrubber who's written in but first start a year.

You just said we just it's fifty two. You just said it. Yes, cards, Yes, same as the white keys on the piano.

Nobody knows that, Okay, I do know.

Alright, we hate to see it, but we have a confused scrubber who has written in.

Hi have Becatania Easton and Mark. I got dropped on. I'm not a day one scrubber. But my best friend introduced me to the pod back in twenty twenty one, and I instantly became obsessed. I went back and listened to all the old episodes, and now that same friend and I giggle along every week together. Thank you for the Joe You've brought me in so many others. Backstory on me. I'm twenty nine. I've never been in a relationship.

I think that dipping your toe in and going on dates and enjoying getting attention is totally fine and innocent. I don't think you're doing anything wrong. However, I do think that if it gets to a point where he confesses his feelings for you, and that he is confident about his feeling and isn't confused, I think you need to be honest with him and not string him along.

I think that's wrong. I feel like that's where it crosses the line. I feel like, when you're dating, you can date so many people and like that's what it is, it's dating. But when you are in a relationship with someone and you know that it's not going somewhere, to me, that's unfair.

Usually know, Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

I wouldn't even get to that point of getting into a relationship because also you want to be one hundred percent sure that you like the person before you get.

Into a relationship with them.

Yeah, Like there was no doubt in my mind when I met Hayley that I wanted to be in a relationship with her.

Same And yeah, the tingle test, Yeah, it sounds like there's no tingles here.

It sounds like there are no teas, but the tingles of attention feel nice, right?

And is she the Are these walls preventing the tingles?

Mmmmm?

Has she kind of numbed herself to potential tingles by these walls she's put up over the ears.

I think this is a good practice, though, for you to let your walls down and start going on dates and allowing yourself to open up and welcome someone into your life. Who not only gives you attention, but that you also like. Like, it doesn't have to be one or the other. It doesn't mean like, oh I I'm either going to be single forever or I have to date someone who I don't really like. You can you can go on multiple dates and you're gonna find someone who does both of those things.

Yeah, I would say it's toxic. Remember Charlie Pooth wrote a whole song about it.

You just want attention, Yeah, I mean, I think it's very normal, That's what I'm saying. I think it's very normal to one attention and it feels good. But if anything, I think this is a chance for you to let your own walls down and allow yourself to be pursued and also allow yourself to have feelings for someone, which can be very scary, allowing yourself to be vulnerable. So just have fun, enjoy it, Enjoy it, go on more dates with other people, Enjoy, enjoy.

This is kind of a dark one, sad one from anonymous Dear Bania. A year ago, my son, who was two at the time, was diagnosed with leukemia.

Oh my gosh.

He's doing much better now, but still receives chemo regularly and will until September of twenty six. I used to be a very positive person, but this has made me so scared of everything. My thought press is my thought process as always. If something that bad could happen, what else is going to happen? I have been in such a funk for a year now. How do I snap out of it? I'm going to therapy, which helps, but when I think of the big picture, the stress becomes debilitating.

First of all, so sorry, so sorry, and we get it. Yeah, And like, if you could send us your son's name, I'd love to pray for him and just continue hopefully that you're saying he's better now, that he continues to just get better and better, and that this is something in your rear view mirror.

M hm, Yes, I hope this is.

This is going to be something you look back on and say, like, we made it through this. It strengthened us, It made all of us embrace life more. And I think that it is so normal that you feel this way. I cannot imagine not feeling this way watching your child go through something like this. I think you're having a very human experience and a very mom experience, a parent experience of like the worst thing watching your child go through and you're having to be strong for everyone else

So I don't know if you have any I experience.

You know, we do a lot. Ryan does a lot of work with children's hospitals, and so we've done a lot of shows from children's hospitals, and those are always really hard to go to because you almost just have to put your blinders on and not look around you, which almost I hope that doesn't come off as rude, but the feeling is, if I let this in, I'm not gonna be able to do my job. If I focused on these parents and these kids and what they're

Yeah, I think it's so common how you're feeling the way that you're feeling, because I feel like seeing your kid go through something like that's probably the worst of the worst things, like worst nightmare that you could ever imagine. And I think that there are a lot of people who it is like it's like a mindset thing. I think there's a lot of people who also, like I was always one of those people who always was waiting for the shoe to drop. Yeah, like I could never

And also there's the mentality can be and this may be naive, is to focus on the positives, like the fact that he's doing so much better now that he laughed at whatever he laughed at today. I guess there's got to be a way that is, focus on whatever good there is in your life, or like, look at.

How we handled this. If we can handle this, we can do anything right.

I also think finding moms and parents who have been to the same things, like finding a community, because no one who hasn't experienced something like that will ever be able to comfort you. Because it's so easy to have a perspective on it when you're not going through it, and so I think finding people who are going through it or who have been through it or on the other side would be really comforting for you. Yeah, just to have a community of people who have experienced the

I agree, And maybe.

They're scrubbers who have also experienced this with their kids. Are were the kid, you know? Yeah, So I would just seek community and know that we're thinking of you and your family and praying for complete health.

And a win for your family.

Yeah, and thank you for listening to our podcast.

Yeah. Should we take a break?

I think that's good.

Okay, all right, we are back with a few.

More or.

De Yeah, a lighter note here, Hello, scrub Team. Day one listener, first time or advice.

Asked her not the tongue twistern.

It was Molly. By the way, I'm a new mom to a baby girl. My daughter's three months old and is as cute as can be. A few people have asked me about the topic of getting her ears pierced. I didn't have mine done until I was around twelve. I was jealous of the girls who hadn't be done when they were a little because they have no memory

I think I was. I feel like I was around nine.

I got them piers and then they closed up because I didn't keep the earrings in, and.

Then I went back at like twelve.

Maybe I think after the first time, my MOLM was like, we are not doing this again until you are older. But I loved like the sticker ear rings and the magnet ear rings, but you can't really do those on a child because that's dangerous.

So yeah, I.

Mean my thing.

I'm torn on this because it is like a process. You have to keep them clean and like, you know, it's a little more work that you add onto already being a mom to a baby. But I do think people who got their ear spears at a young age don't really have any resentment about it. Yeah, but I guess they could grow up and be like I did not want I didn't want my ear.

Spear, So I think it's like a mutilation thing, right, mutilation. Yeah, I think that's like the whole thing is like how.

Could you do that to like a baby? Yeah, I think it's fun.

I mean, here's the thing. Do I remember the pain of it?

I remember the shock of it, and then I got them as I was older, and I remember that pain more because it's more recent on my mind.

But also I don't have any trauma from it.

Right, Like I got mine older, Like I think I was like twelve or fifteen, and I was like sad that I didn't have like my years pierced when I was younger.

Oh really, I say go for it.

Oh you say do it?

Yeah?

Interesting. I think I'm more on just like not doing it, like.

Not poking holes in their ears.

And a side letting them just choose if they want to do it when they're older. I had a friend whose daughter went and got them. She's six, and she got one pierce and it hurts. She didn't know it was gonna hurt as bad as it did, and she only she left with just one.

Yeah, they at the same time. I feel like when I went to Claire's, they just like did it the.

Same im same and that was jarring.

Yeah, but it was done, and so I Yeah, I don't think there's a I personally don't know if there's a right or wrong answer.

But arms when you ears is like a baby.

Especially online and social media.

Oh my god, you can't do anything right on.

Hillary Duff was like piercing her daughter's ears. It was like the end of the world. She was like, get over it.

Then the like the Latino community, it's extremely common. Yeah, babies under a year old almost standard write a passage.

Yeah, I don't know. My thing is just but.

It's like same with your guys.

And what do you guys getting circumcision.

That's not really the same thing. It's not the same thing. I'm not gonna let you have that one. Why why now the mutilation argument, there's something very similar. But I think it's just this is decorative where the other one is more of a that's a deep one, that's a whole.

It's no, it's cosmetic.

It's not cosmetic.

You would have that flop and be fine, but.

That's not why people do it. It's not for cosmetic r it's for religious reason or it's for sanitary reasons. I mean, it could be a cosmetic reason too, that could be one of the options, but it's just one of many. But that's another thing. People have very strong opinions about it totally. Yeah. Yeah, Yeah, Honestly I was thinking just a couple of days ago, I was like, ah, I'm so I have girls, so I didn't have to make that decision.

Yeah, I feel like it would be a hard decision.

I think it's a really hard decision.

Yeah.

And as far as earrings ago, I was able to say that's your department, and so they and they waited till that. I would say they were probably nine and six, maybe ten and seven, something like that. But they got them done together in Wisconsin with their cousin and it was a great day.

I got my experience when I was eighteen.

Wow, but I got like plugs put in because I was a badass.

And yeah, never never closed up.

So did you really get plugs? Yeah? Wide were they?

The biggest they were was a double zero, which is like the width of a pencil.

Okay, and you see them.

That's not crazy.

Yeah.

I stretched him so slowly too, because they told me put in a little you know, wait and then when you're done, they'll close up all the way if you do it slowly.

So that's what I did. And then when I took them out, they never closed up.

They lied to me at staircase tattoo And yeah, I almost.

Got those plugs.

They look cool.

Yeah, I wanted to make my holes bigger when I was like in my surfer girl era era in high school, like maybe sophomore year, sophomore junior year, you were surfing.

I wasn't surfing. I was dating surfer.

Oh you were cosplaying? Yes, yes, I see.

Yeah, rainbow sandals, you know a pair rainbows here It is.

Summer of fifteen, so about I was nine and six. Yeah, I got that right there you go.

Yeah, there's something fun about remembering it because you can go and you go with your friend or your sister, whoever you're with, and it's like, oh, we got our ears pier So there's a fun something with that, whereas when their baby they won't remember it, Like what.

About piercing at home with the apple and the needles.

A couple of friends.

Really, Yeah, my god, you're just like you've lived.

Yeah, I was a risk taker ottle breaker.

Yeah, that's just like of all the things I've heard, just hearing that for the first time surper Girl era. But Molly, I think you should do what your mom instinct feels and she will be fine either way.

That's what I think.

But it's so true, like on social media, anything you post as a parent, it is just.

People with ears pierced to forget it.

They always have something to say, truly, people always have something to say. I would I don't think i'd ever post my child on social media just out of being like, yeah, fifty people are gonna have an issue with this.

A lot of people are leaning that way now.

Well yeah, mostly for just like protecting because it's scary. It's a scary world out there.

Yeah, they're like taking Yeah, Yeah.

It's from Maddie. We'll leave you with this. An encouraging note for single scrubbers. Hello, beca Tanya market easton day one, scrubber here. Ever since I moved a few hours away from my family about eight years ago, scrubbing in has been my constant companion on those long drives back and forth. So much has changed since I first moved, but one thing that stayed the same is my struggle to find my person. I dated here and there, but nothing ever

Is I was.

I walked that exact loop twice a day and half for eight years, and somehow we'd never crossed paths before. That street now feels like our invisible String. Michael is the kindest, most thoughtful, loving man I've ever met, unlike anyone I've dated before. And get this, he lives two minutes down the street from me. I truly think I've

That's so sweet.

I'm so happy for you, mabousible String. If you guys get married, you should have your first dance Invisible String.

Yeah, Sophia, come and sing it it.

No, We're very happy for you.

I think that there's a lot of people who have resonated with your story of staying hopeful finding your person.

I was like, I have to come up with something clever, but like a million dates, million first dates, no seconds it's not really rolling and I'm very tired today.

It's not really I.

Don't know true. What's is that your tagline?

But like people who are like in the dating scene and they just keep trying, they're just trying chronically online. You know you're saying chronically online like I was chronically on the dating apps.

Yeah, and it really encouraging.

You met probably is like the second guy you went out with from the dataps you were chronic also.

But I wouldn't go out on dates with the people. I would just like talk in peruse.

And you know it goes them.

The minute they said want to get a drink, I'd be.

Like, bye, oh yeah, you wanted dinner like a lady, you wanted to be courted? Yes, yes, but.

Yeah it sucks.

I ever forget flying back from Texas for one of my friends. I think it was a baby shower and I was like, I'd gone to some many bridal showers and weddings and I was like, when's my time?

And it came, and it will come for you too.

That's true, that's true. I believe you. With that Happy Thursday, everybody.

Have a happy till fourth of July. We love you, guy, love you, bye,