Turn Your Inner Critic into Your Biggest Fan with Laura Artero

From her background in hypnotherapy , nlp coaching and mindfulness , she created a unique method to make your inner critic your strongest ally . Instead of a competitive approach , this powerful method opens peace talks that overcome obstacles at their root . This shift creates liberation to finally grab the opportunities that are meant for you .

She works with clients' one-on-one or in groups to transform their experience of what's possible in their life . Laura , welcome to the Scenic Route podcast , thank you .

We're going to go and talk all things self-doubt , self-sabotage or what's keeping us from even going after the things we want Because I see it sometimes often . My clients and I saw it for myself , lauren , and I'm sure that happens to you too . You can have all the strategy in the world . You can either approach it from any business strategy works or none .

You can do all the right things , but sometimes it's not like you're moving the needle in your business or it's not going into any kind of direction . You're not achieving your goals . I always think of like , oh , when I look back on my own journey , there was something that wasn't a button . It was kind of like there was a button that I didn't push .

There was something of yeah , I don't know , I don't feel like I want to share this . I had to kind of work my courage up , sort of to kind of talk about something or do something In hindsight . If I would have done that much quicker , it would have moved the needle faster , whatever . Does that all sound familiar to you ? You're like mm-hmm , oh yes .

The reason behind of that not wanting to push that button can be very profound and it's not the same for everyone . I also find that most of the people is not clear . What is that thing that needs to be a release so that we can finally push that button . They think they have an idea .

I think , oh , this is something I need to address . Then I peel this layer and then I'm like , oh , actually that was a manifestation of this issue . So I'm peeling the layer and then I'm like , oh , wait a minute , so it can be different things at the same time and they're all true at once .

We struggle with different things , and so something that comes out easy to me can be a struggle for something else , and what is easy for them is a struggle for me , and so on . So I take very typical examples .

I know that many listeners are entrepreneurs , and so they may find themselves having to speak in front of a group of people , maybe even a wide group of people , and for some people this is very difficult . So for some of them , it's just a matter okay , I'm going to get out of my comfort zone and I'm going to do it , and that's a good strategy .

For others , the more they push themselves towards yeah , everybody says I need to go outside my comfort zone , but it's like impossible .

They are either paralyzed or they really push themselves through , and they are on that stage or wherever they have to do this speech , and they feel terrible , overwhelmed , anxious , and it's so uncomfortable that when it ends , they just say to themselves never , ever again , please . That was terrible .

Or maybe , as I said , they don't even go to that point , because they are frozen , they can't do it . It's like they're in a cage , and so I think that that button that you talked about is a bit like .

In order to push it , you need to understand what is that is blocking you to , let's say , speak in front of people , in front of an audience , okay , and what happens is that we have like inner messages , sense in our head to just say are you crazy ? You're not up to it , don't do it . You will ridicule yourself or you don't have what it takes .

So the inner message is very , very unique for each of us and I think the trouble is that . So there are two troubles . One trouble is to identify if , before the speech , you are nervous because it's a bit exciting as well , or you're nervous because you're completely scared and paralyzed by fear .

And that kind of agitation sometimes is very hard to say what it is , because the physical expression in our body is actually the same . So we feel this butterfly in the tummy and it can be excitement , it can be fear .

Is it am I not doing something because I or like , do I feel resistance because it's just the general excitement of things , the nervous , good butterflies , or is it actually a trauma , almost kind of like a trauma response of I'm rigid , I'm frozen , I'm well , no , not want to do it .

And I also think that probably after that action that was so difficult for you , you need to feel a little bit how you feel . If you feel like , wow , now I feel so energized and I actually liked it .

Yeah , before I was a bit nervous , but now I want to do it again , that means that that was excitement and a little bit of agitation is just human , it's okay . Also , you know that thing that , oh , I can't remember a thing or what I wanted to say . It's just normal . Then , once you are in the middle of your speech , memory should come back .

But if instead , you feel really uncomfortable during the speech or you can't even take yourself to do it , this is paralysis , this is proper fear , it's a fear .

And when it's so fearful sorry when the fear , the agitation , is scary , agitation I call it then I strongly believe that pushing yourself again and again to do another speech and another speech is only going to make things worse .

Because if it's like there's an inner message that says , don't do it , and you do it and it feels like but they are not hearing me , don't do it . And if you do it , don't do it , and it's just a protection . And you may have established that protection a very long time ago , but if you don't work with that , it's just that message don't do it .

In all the flavors it's delivered , it's going to get stronger and stronger and stronger . Until you just will not , you'll just drop and just say I'm not going to do it anymore , I'll never , never , ever going to make a speech anymore .

It's not for me , which is a shame , because maybe you want to , but feel that this is not for you and it's just a belief that needs to be resolved or better , updated , needs to be updated .

I mean you don't need a stage , right , I see people struggling with speaking their mind in general , raising their voice , saying what it truly means , be it on social media or on stage , wherever .

And because we grew up with so many stories of how women should be , I mean I've always been told like I'm too loud and I like too much , I talk too fast , like all these things that when you don't unpack them , will keep you from speaking your mind , or wearing that bathing suit , or eating that dessert or whatever it is right , it's different for everyone .

So how can we go about ? So , when you realize there is something you want to do but you cannot bring yourself to do it and you're realizing , okay , it's not , it's really because of you don't want it and you feel like you would need to push yourself and we don't want that , how can we go about identifying and like the root cause of that ?

So most of the messages I call messages some people hear voices , other people see images , it doesn't matter , we're all different but there are like kind of , let's say , messages , in whatever way they are delivered , you receive them .

Yes , you receive them , but you're so familiar with them because most of them , as you mentioned earlier , they come from probably when you were very young , the way you were raised or the people around you , whatever situations you went through , and so you're so used to them that you dismiss them , you don't hear them , I think that you don't hear them anymore .

But you listen to them , right , because you follow , you believe , but actually it's like a background noise , which means that when you start doing this work on yourself and you want to evolve , you want to improve and you want to be happier , it's a journey , and I think it's an incredible journey , but sometimes it's very difficult .

You think you got it and Ah , no , no , no , no , no , it was something different . So I think that the first step is really to be very curious and interested , very open-minded as well , and try to catch you when you are hearing that message . That what is really about is a bit like a Catch you by surprise , like , ah okay , I'm about to .

I've been offered an opportunity to speak in front of a couple of people who live in just then . Yes , but Wait a second , what am I thinking ? And that could be kind of surprising . It's not always what we think it is .

And I'm like , oh , did the church ring ? I didn't like the bell , I didn't hear them . Right ? That's what I'm like . Yes , okay , that's the image . Right , because those messages they're so normal to you that you're not even questioning them . So , I love that you brought that up , and then it's really for me .

So my takeaway would be to slow down enough to have that first message pop up whenever something is presented to you like an opportunity , have the first message come up and then like pause , Okay , what is actually going on ?

These are just an expression of beliefs and , as you mentioned , we create our beliefs throughout our lives , but most of them we create them when we are very young , when we are young kids , and so we are still living following beliefs that we created when we had an infant to our mind and not much experience , because we were , let's say , three years old or five

years old . So some beliefs , just they just would need to be updated .

But the beliefs are in one specific part of the mind , that is , the subconscious mind , and if we try to be too logical in our journey to discover what they are , we will never know , because we use the conscious mind , which is logical , to go into the subconscious mind , which doesn't understand the kind of logic . It's just like speaking a different language .

So a very good way is to talk , speak the language of the subconscious mind when you go into that in a journey , and the language of the subconscious mind is imagination . Hence all the symbolisms and metaphors are working . It's not because we are playful , which helps a lot , but I think it's because you need to use the right language . So forget about logic .

Sometimes it's still there . It will interfere , but you need to use imagination .

So I was always praised for that . I was always praised for my mind and my logical thinking and whatever and whatnot , and it was really hard to go on a journey without my power , my logical brain , to leave that at the door and go on this journey . That was really really scary .

So , yeah , if that feels like you're going something to something similar , it is hard .

But it was new territory for me to really work with that . So what are some ? So we said , okay , we got to go into working with the subconscious mind . Yes , how can we I mean , we can't work with an explicit , specific example for something but what are in your work ?

What are some of the small things , the everyday things we do that we could switch or swap to do instead ? That is working better for reaching our unconscious mind , for helping us to kind of like re-update those beliefs ? Is it the way we talk about ourselves or ?

Yeah , absolutely , it's very good . And I also always say to my clients who have kids never label your kids , label their actions . It's the same thing , because labels create beliefs if we believe them , if we hear those labels over and over and over .

When we get label over and over and over , maybe by someone we consider an authority , so talking to other self-talk , of course , but some of that self-talk is so inside that self-criticism , it's so within us , so ingrained , that this is when we don't hear it .

I think that working with symbolisms so yeah , metaphors is very good and can make everything a little bit more fun and more approachable , and also understanding that the mind is also the body , it's not just the brain , and so you can access it , going into the body .

Perhaps it's easier if you are guided in this so that the conscious mind , the logical mind , stays a little bit on the side , a little bit more . But I noticed that also with my more logical clients . I'm also a very logical person , so I totally understand what you shared . It becomes easier when they get very interested in metaphoric characters then .

Then you go with the story and the logical mind goes a little bit on holiday for a moment , on a break . Very often when people fear something , I guide them so they are already in more in the subconscious mind . Like you can do it also when you're very logical and very upbeat , you think , okay , let me try . When I feel this fear , where do I feel it ?

And you feel it in the body somewhere . Maybe it's here . Maybe it's here , so maybe it's in the throat for those who are not watching , maybe it's in the chest , in the abdomen , it doesn't matter . Maybe it's on one shoulder , you don't question . The first thing that comes to mind is always the right one . Otherwise it's a logical interpretation .

You just want the first answer .

Good , give it a name , a name , yeah , a name , whatever name , john door , red , whatever and then you talk because you have a name , you have a kind of feeling of imagination .

You just have a little conversation and then you always say thank you for everything you're doing , even if John , let's say , is preventing you to speak in front of people . There's always a good reason for that and it's down to protection .

These are coping mechanisms that we have created and that they have become belief , and whenever we go against our beliefs , there is the so-called resistance . Does it make sense ?

My kid has been sick the past two weeks and today was his first day back in kindergarten and yesterday you could realize he was moving his body and he was just a bit of a bit nervousness was manifesting in his body and I'd asked him how are you feeling ? Oh , I'm fine , okay , good . And then he was playing with his stuffed sock monkey .

I'm like how's the monkey feeling ? The monkey is dancing around nervously . How's the monkey feeling ? Oh , the monkey is nervous . The monkey is nervous . Okay , what is the monkey nervous about ? Yeah , the monkey is nervous because he has to go to kindergarten tomorrow . Oh , okay . So we got that way .

Amazing , hoding was inside his body , into something else , and this very much reminded me of what you were saying of personifying . You got something in there in a playful way when you don't feel you can access it directly .

It could also be how can I work on this with my conscious , logical mind , and that is practicing any kind of meditation . Now , I brought up mindfulness because it's focused on being concentrated and on really being in the present moment .

But when you take a journey into the mindfulness meditation practices , at one point you reach the stage in which you can actually meditate , not just on sensations like the breath or mantras , but you meditate on your thoughts .

So , instead of pushing away the thought , which is not what you want to do , maybe it's what you do at first because it's the most approachable way you let the thoughts come up and you are curious about them , like a child that sees something for the first time . But what am I really thinking right now ?

Okay , and maybe the thought is awful , and very often we discover we criticize ourselves , but we want to suspend judgment , just as you said , and just becoming aware , because only when we are aware we can do something . If we keep pushing away something , it's a bit like saying this thought not worthy . It is worth it . It's trying to communicate something .

I'm trying to communicate something to myself and I keep pushing away this thought . Well , this thought will become louder and louder because I'm not listening to it .

So practicing mindfulness or other kinds of meditations you feel attracted to is very good , because you work on your brain too and you work on slowing down the speed at which the neurons on the brain are moving , and so you get to that state that is an hypnotic state , but it's actually also a meditating state , with a state in which you have an open door to

the subconscious mind . You need to be , like you said , calm and dedicating time to this , creating time to show practices that I don't think they need to be very long to work , but they need to be kind of constant , establishing a little routine , a little ritual on yourself , and then you can more and more access the inside of your mind .

Like small things that we can do , small actions that to show ourselves more compassion in our busy everyday lives .

Second , you want to remind yourself that nobody's perfect , and so also you are not , because that's the just being a human being .

But unless you understand that something is difficult for them in that moment , how can you comfort them ? It will not come to your mind to do it . So the first step in self-compassion is acknowledging . Actually , this thing is a bit difficult for me right now , and sometimes I joke and I say what do you find difficult in that moment ?

It can be considered silly and that's okay because it's challenging for you . You don't want any judgment , so it could be . I really don't want to do the laundry now . This is challenging , yes , but there are people that are experiencing war and people that are dying . Yes , you're not saying that their matters is not worthy .

Of course you have a lucky life , but in this moment , despite anything , you find it challenging . You're not going to do your laundry and knowledge it .

So choose a very quick sentence for you that says may I be happy , may I be happy . I think it's kind of working because we tend to this and some people , talking in the eye person , other person , preferred to say you say may you be happy . Okay , you can even say your name , may you , jen , be happy . You say to yourself .

Or you can even use entering words , even if it may feel a bit strange at first , but you can say absolutely darling , may you be happy and something warms up inside Okay , it's okay to fail . Something really worthy of my own comfort . You can even say I think it works very well . I love you . Directing to yourself I love you because it's strong .

There are other there , I don't know , women in war , you it's it's so funny how we we , we , we , we , we , we , we , we , we , we , we , we , we , we , we , we , we we can be so compassionate with people who are close to dear to us and at the same time , sometimes really struggle with extending that compassion and that kindness and that grace to ourselves .

But actually studies are showing that if you respond that way , you create a struggle in the kid when they grow up , also in their childhood , to be self-compassionate . And studies are also saying that when you become self-compassionate , you are and this is very surprising for some people you are more productive , more proactive . Yeah , because I'm not worried .

Yeah , you are not worried about failure , because when you fail , you comfort yourself . You don't have a cloud said you're so bad again , you're so stupid . No , it's just that . Okay , it happens . Oh , it's yourself . Well , try again . And so you become more resilient .

It's incredible , and there are a lot of studies that are happening right now to really show how self compassion is a fundamental key to success . Also to success Because imagine if you struggle with you mentioned before showing up , networking , posting something on social media but it's the only way to make yourself seen .

If you keep struggling for perfection , you will never do it because it will never be as good as you want . Instead , if you are okay with something that is not perfect because even if it's not perfect , I wish myself well , it's okay Then you do more and more , and failure doesn't scare you so much .

But it starts from when we are young , so tell it to our kids . It's okay . Of course , it was scary for you to fall . How do you feel right now ? You're fine . You did your best .

And there happens something when you've been told all over and over again it's what we call these days gaslighting to some extent right , when you have a perception of what happened and someone else is coming in and telling you , no , no , no , this is actually fine , this is actually not what happened at all .

So thank you so much for bringing that up and I mean , yeah , good advice , if you're parenting a little one or if you're parenting yourself , always , kind of like , have that compassion and that complete and full acknowledgement of what happened , even if it's silly or it seems ridiculous or dumb or whatever , if it made you feel that way .

There is something to that and don't let your conscious brain overthink , over-rationalize this .

these three steps I shared is something I shared with basically everyone , and it can really offer a huge change in many situations . So , yeah , go and be self-compassionate .

. Do you want to tell me a bit about the hypnometeatioin you have available ?

I created this guided hypnosis , or hypnometeatioin , you call it as you want . You just go in a very relaxed state and , with my voice , I guide you to identify that voice , that message , because when you are guided it's easier to have the logical mind more quiet . It will be there , but the other one will be very present .

And then the second part of the hypnometeatioin is that , once you have identified that criticism , I guide you to imagine what other things you can do when that self-criticism is not on anymore and because it's still always there , it's difficult to do that unless you are so quiet and you can really switch it off .

You give yourself permission to switch it off and you discover that you can do this , and because you do this , then you can do this , and then this , and then this .

It's incredible , and having that vision of what we can become and seeing as if it is happening in the present is a let's call it technique that is used by the most successful people , because unless we have this vision , we will never act towards the steps that take us there . So you know , athletes do this before competitions and races .

Successful people do this before approaching a new goal or audiences . So highly recommend this .

I saw this interview of , like , someone who's doing like downhill skiing and she said every time before she starts , she mentally sees her going through the slopes and I'm like , yeah , this is exactly it , right , you once , yes , you're , you're trying to memorize where you need to go left right , left right but it's more than just that .

It's creating us already an imprint of you winning .

We just need to train it for the best and for us .

If you couldn't have dinner with any historical figure , who would it be and why ?

So I'm always like let me know what you're reading .

It's called Breasts and Eggs by a Japanese writer called Mieko Kawakami . She writes women's stories . She has a very special style of writing that I enjoy very much . So of Breasts and Eggs .