¶ Embracing Life's Journey With Intuition
Hi and welcome to the Scenic Root Podcast , where we believe in embracing life's journey with purpose , curiosity and a bit of potty humor . I'm Jen , a sociologist , someone's own cool mom , and I'm always looking out for that perfect slice of gluten-free rhubarb pie .
Every week , I get the joy of sitting down with dreamers and doers who dare to take the road less traveled in pursuit of their own magic . Together , we dive into the inspiring stories of soulful entrepreneurs and visionary leaders who boldly share their beliefs , lessons and fuck-ups . Excited , so am I .
You're exactly where you're meant to be , and now let's take this conversation off the beaten track . Hi and welcome to the Scenic Root Podcast . This is the show for building a successful and sustainable business on your terms . My name is Jen and I'm a rebranding sociologist with a soft spot for Rupert Pie .
Each week , I'll strive to expand your branding , business expertise and mindset capacity . I'm so excited you're here , and now let's get into today's episode . Helene Elise Suess is an intuition coach who helps her clients cut through the noise in everyday life and get back in touch with their truest selves .
She found her way into this work after the birth of her second child , when she realized her inner voice held answers that she couldn't find elsewhere . She believes intuition is the key to alignment , ease manifesting and finding fulfillment in life . This is why she teaches others how to access their intuition and trust what they hear .
Kayleen lives in Austin , texas , with her husband and their three young children . She also boasts past lives as a college hit swimmer , published author , silicon Valley startup recruiter and wellness company co-founder . Today , on the Scenic Root podcast , I am absolutely excited to be joined by Kayleen .
We met , actually , on Emma Natcher's School of Entrepreneurship , so we immediately knew we're like-minded people and I am super excited to have her here . Kayleen , give us a bit of an idea of who you are Like . Walk us through your story . What were your pivotal crossroads and big moments ?
Oh well , thank you so much for having me on the show . I'm really excited for this conversation and , goodness gracious , that is always just such a question that leaves you at the edge of the cliff of like , where am I going to go and what's going to come through today ? But at this moment I am an intuition coach and a mom of three .
I also have a podcast called Celebrate , cultivate , and these days the thing I do for work is spend time supporting women , helping them connect to their inner voice , their intuition .
So , unlike traditional coaching out there which is wonderful and if that resonates for you , I'm so happy Unlike that where the coach is kind of guiding the individual on what the coach thinks or what research shows and XYZ experts , my work is really focused on helping people tune into what is true to them and hearing their inner voice inside of them , and that is
something I think we all have innately within us when we arrive here on planet Earth and then life happens and situations occur and we learn to look at experts and learn from teachers and coaches , and all of that is wonderful because there's so much to learn out there .
But on top of that we kind of pile this distrust for intuition and this separation from the fact that you do know what's best and right for you and that you do have your best interest at heart and that you can trust yourself .
So I came to this work after the birth of my second child when I had decided I my whole life I always wanted to be a stay at home mom . That was my life goal , and I had two . Two and under had reached the pinnacle of my goal .
Yeah . Like you're a warrior , that's yeah . Like you're a warrior , that's yeah . Two under two is .
It was . You know , it was amazing and it was also a lot different than what I expected and it was different than I had imagined and , more importantly , I was a different mom than I had dreamt that I would be , and there's nothing wrong with that .
But it was this very big pivotal crossroads kind of moment where I knew I wanted to do something different with my time . And the way to finding that and trusting myself was through my intuition . And I originally started a business building websites for entrepreneurs on Squarespace because I had had a blog since 2009 .
And I had built many websites sheer , you know , experience , no study , like building graphics on PowerPoint and whatnot and exporting them to JPEGs . That was before we had Canva , so , thank God for Canva . I mean , that's the thing . Yeah , between Canva , as I pronounce it , and Squarespace .
You know Squarespace , like I built my sites on WordPress and then I moved a site from WordPress . Yeah , so different . So , anyways , I did that for a while and what I came around to discovering is that I was coaching a lot of my entrepreneurs on . I can build you a pretty website Like .
I can definitely do that , but it's not going to give you what you want until it's in alignment with you , which I know is so much of what you teach . Yeah , and I had famously told a friend of mine who was a coach at the time there's no way I'll be a coach .
I don't want to be a coach and most of the reason for that was that I didn't necessarily want to talk about people's troubles and everybody's truth is important to discuss but I don't like to dwell in that too much and I definitely didn't want to be taking on other people's troubles . And then I came to this kind of unique pocket of learning about intuition .
And this isn't about your troubles , it's about listening to your truth and about what is right for you and your intuition . Your inner voice loves you no matter what , and it's just the source of pure love and wisdom and calm . And then when I figured out , oh , I can help people access that , then my ideal client and not take on their trauma yeah .
My ideal client and the client I work with every day is the people's inner voice . They're you know they're loving best parts of them and then helping them have that relationship with their loving best parts of them and , honestly , working myself out of a job .
Sometimes I've had clients that have worked with me for a long time who then don't need me anymore and that is such a cause for celebration . So that's a little bit about you know what I'm up to these days and how I got here .
I love so , so much about this and like , yes , I I feel this is often like not over , like not talked about much , because we talk often in like the online business world of like continuous like um client journeys and like return per client and so on and so forth , which is all great , but at the end of like , when you're actually graduating from my services ,
hell yes , like that's amazing and that was also a part of that's how I'm wired and that's also like I was such a bad employee , like I would always like get myself like ridden out of things , because I came in , like cleaned everything up . I was like , okay , now I don't , I'm not needed anymore , so goodbye , which makes no sense if you're employed .
And it's tricky . I mean , I do believe deeply that we all need help and support and guidance , and so any of my clients that have moved beyond needing me on a day-to-day basis I still am doors always open for a tune- , a check in
¶ Navigating Self-Trust in Life's Challenges
, whatever . Because sometimes we can go seasons and years feeling really dialed in and connected to ourselves . And then life happens it always does and we can lose our way or feel like we're off track , and really we're never as far off track as we think we are .
We're like just a little bit off , you know , and , to use the name of your podcast , you know sometimes you're just taking the scenic route , it isn't actually off track at all , and so it's about listening inward and finding out okay , I am where , I am now , what and that's .
I think a lot of the women I work with have gotten to a point in life where they've checked a lot of the boxes or discovered those boxes aren't for them and they feel really good and at peace with that . But then still they're wondering what's next and I've got , you know , 30 more years of doing whatever .
You know , 40 , 50 into like what's now , into like what's gonna , what's now , and having a connection to yourself and your inner voice is really helpful when you're ready to pave your own path and do what feels good and right for you , as opposed to following everybody else's you know pathway yeah , agreed , it makes me .
I want to circle back to something in your introduction , but this feels uh , this is calling me more right now . You said like when you like you , you're never really that far off , but in the moment you feel at least when I've experienced this it feels like you're miles and miles and miles .
You have an entire ocean between it and it almost feels like you , kind of intellectually , you know you can trust your intuition , but it's kind of like you stopped along the way , you stop trusting yourself so you won't really take your inner voice , your intuition , fully into account .
Because you stop trusting yourself , you kind of stop having your own back , which is not a conscious decision by any means , it just kind of like happen . So how , if we're in the middle of that and we feel it's actually like there's an ocean , gigantic divide , how can we , before we hear our wisdom again , how can we learn to trust ourselves again ?
oh man , I mean , I can feel it as you're talking about it . I can feel those feelings that I've had where it feels like there's , you know , an ocean apart . And one of the things that makes that pain so acute is feeling like it's permanent .
And I know , in my experience as a mother , the most miserable moments in pregnancy , in birth , in taking a kid to school , birth , in taking a kid to school , whatever the case may be , the most painful moments are when there's a voice inside of you telling you that it's going to be like this way forever .
Or if my son is not being kind to his siblings , then he's going to be a bully when he's 18 and run off the rails and the like you're , the spiral occurs , and so it feels like not only are you off track and there's a the ocean is spanning in front of you , but also that it's going to be like that forever .
The track is set and it's going to doomhood .
It's irreparable damage , like it's just , it's permanent and we also do know , when we're not in that moment , that nothing is permanent and nothing being permanent is something we also do know when we're not in that moment , that nothing is permanent and nothing being permanent is something we also fear and can also create this like spiral of like .
I want it to be like this forever . It's never going to change . It's this like tension point that does make it really difficult to hear your inner voice and to trust what you receive .
So if you're in one of those super painful moments , or if your kid is having a tantrum and you're having to slam them into the car seats , or whatever it is , or client is being extremely difficult and it just being compassionate with yourself and with whoever you're interacting with and knowing that everything has momentum . Things will always move , seasons change .
You know the sun's going to rise . All that stuff is really true and sometimes the greatest gift that we can give ourselves and give the moment is patience and breathing .
And by being patient , by breathing , by knowing that most of the time it's not like a life or death situation in these moments , that you don't actually have to make a decision you don't actually have to take action , nor do you necessarily want to .
When you're in that crisis moment , big or little , having some being fair with yourself on that and knowing like , okay , this is terrible , it's not going to be terrible forever , that can be really really helpful .
Because I think there is this like , as we're sitting here , calm , talking , there is this kind of desire of like yeah , but when I really needed my intuition , I couldn't get to it .
And I think that , realistically , if you're into it , if you could hear your intuition in those really tough moments , it would just say breathe and feel this and you're going to be okay , like guide you out of that really high-pressure situation . Guiding you through it .
Yeah , not necessarily taking you out of it , because out of it makes it sound like backwards or around the corner ?
Yeah , that is true , through is a much better wording , but going through it , yeah , but going through it .
Yeah , and there's this concept that many teachers have , you know , spoken to and talked around . Eckhart Tolle calls it the pain body , bella Lively calls it emotional beanbags , which is a term she came up with .
But everybody has these different ways of describing the emotions that live within our body , and it's not part of the physical body but in the emotional body .
And those emotions , if they are not felt , if they are not expressed and experienced through therapy somatic therapy , yoga , breathing , whatever , running , I don't care what if they're not experienced and moved through , it will always be hard to hear your intuition . It will always be hard to trust your intuition .
It will always be hard to trust you may hear it , you probably will hear it , and then you'll say , yeah , but that doesn't apply to me , or yeah ? but your logic brain kind of like cuts you out and be like no because your logic brain doesn't want to , is afraid of feeling that feeling and wants to protect you from that feeling .
And that's an honorable effort . But we all know , if you , you know , and we're not always ready to feel all the feelings right , that's part of life , is we have our whole life to flow through all of this .
So I don't really I don't ascribe to the belief that you have to go hunting for these things , but when it's safe and ready to be released , if you can work with somebody like me or whoever in your life that can support you in flowing through and feeling those emotional beanbags to their extinction , like feeling them to completion , then that topic , that subject ,
whatever you can actually trust your inner voice on , because the emotional charge is no longer there trust your inner voice on because the emotional charge is no longer there .
Yeah , that's such an important point . Like you also trust yourself that whatever kind of somatic experience , beanbag or pain , body is rising up . This is the one to look at in the situation , right , not go hunting or whatever .
And I know we always like like I mean , if you're in the self-growth and sphere , you know it's not , you know you're not supposed to like brush your emotions under the carpet because they'll stay there . They're not gone , they're still there .
But you can brush them like , you can just acknowledge them under the carpet , knowing that they'll still be there years from now . And you have to be really honest with yourself if you're like avoiding or if you're like I am not ready yet and that's okay .
Yeah , and that's again that's trusting yourself right , that's knowing . And also , even more importantly , when you come to the point where you're like , oh okay , this is an interesting practice .
This is something I'm going to start paying attention to now that I'm 38 years old and ready to kind of handle some of these things , to not beat yourself up for not doing it earlier , to not giving yourself grief on like , oh well , I should have handled this before . No , you didn't .
And oh , the other thing that happens so often is that you're like I thought I already dealt with this , I thought I already handled this . Why is it coming back up ?
And it's coming back up because now you're at this different place with different tools , different resources and knowledge , and there's more to grow through , there's more to learn , and so I think the beating yourself up and giving yourself grief and feeling guilt and all of that is a thing to release in itself , because it's just going to get in the way of really
having that connected trust with yourself . Yeah , where do you ?
think that beating yourself up . I think we both agree that it's happening fairly often . I see it in my clients too . Like , oh , why haven't I like started working on my brand like years ago ? Why haven't I been on Instagram Like a gazillion different ways ? Why do you think that that this is that this is showing up so much ?
There just really isn't much of an appreciation or importance placed on accepting where you are and being satisfied with where you are . That's not a very sexy topic . And who's going to go around marketing like , oh , be happy with where you are in life , like nobody's going to sell anything , saying that , and so there's just from .
And I don't think marketing is evil . I think marketing is most of the time genius , but a lot of times it's going to make you feel like you're not enough , like you're not doing enough . And there's , even if you are not part of hustle culture , even if you've , like , pushed that aside , you are still part of culture , you're still human it's .
There's no escape . Like we are , we are in in unfair , deeply capitalistic systems like , yeah , there is no way around it unless you I don't know completely isolate yourself in the woods , right .
And even then I guess you probably might not be satisfied with all of the you know provisions that you've curated for yourself , because now you're living in the woods by yourself and you don't know how long your food's going to last .
So , like on a deep , innate level , there is something inside of us humans that makes us want more and makes us want to do more .
But speaking from immense privilege , if you are not in a situation where your core needs are at risk , then developing some sort of practice in gratitude or appreciation , finding a way to be satisfied with what is that , can really help soothe some of this .
And I think one of our jobs in personal development self-growth , whatever you want to call it is to soothe the part of us that is like gripping for more and telling that piece of Kayleen like hey , like have you looked around a lot lately , cause like you're good , it's okay and can you just appreciate what you have .
And when you have that kind of conversation with yourself , then I think it is easier to not beat yourself up for not doing things , cause you're like wow , yeah , I do have kind of . I have like a pretty good life right now .
Not everything's perfect , but on the whole it's okay and that's really you know a nice feeling , yeah like the media messaging around , that is so true .
Um , it's always from a lack of , and you're lacking and it's your fault and you got to do better , whether you got to work harder for your health , for your business , success , for whatever being . Yeah , and you're right . Like , telling people to be satisfied is not going to . It's probably not going to sell .
Yeah , because , like what's a synonym for satisfaction ? That like would be negative , be complacent . Nobody wants to be complacent and it's like essentially could look the same on paper or comfort , oh yeah , comfort .
So I , I really hate that this word has such a bad rep , because I like comfort . Like who doesn't ? I mean seriously like I like . Yes , there is a time to go hard and push yourself , but , dear comfort , comfort is amazing . Yes , yes , and I think at this age .
I'm like comfort , yes , and I would argue that most people are uncomfortable with being comfortable and that you could push yourself to be more comfortable most of the time . And then , of course , you're totally right , it's a fine line .
And , again , that's where intuition and knowing yourself and trusting yourself can really support you , because we are also growth-seeking beings and we're on this earth to evolve and grow , and so that's going to happen naturally and in so much more alignment with your true self .
In a way that is truly satisfying when you have a conversation with your intuition , because what happens a lot is that you can hustle and grind and do all the things and manifest and get all the stuff that , whatever , get the job , get the family , get all the stuff You're like , okay , cool , I did it .
I don't feel exactly like what I thought I was going to feel like , you know , I got to my goal and I'm not happy , and it's because it was not in alignment with you to begin with , or , along the way , you were really pushing yourself in areas that maybe you didn't need to , and I have experienced that many times in my life where I've gotten to the
mountaintop and I was like , wait , ah , this isn't . Hmm , I don't know why was I working so hard for this when it doesn't taste like how I thought it was going to taste ?
yeah , and I mean in my case , I was on top of the mountain , I put my flag up on the top and I was like I am on the brink of total exhaustion , I did not enjoy the journey at all , like I probably have to , like take a time out for six months now . So what ? Like no , this cannot be it . And then like enter , burnout Exactly .
Yeah , but sometimes the view is worth it . So again , to not beat yourself up for like , okay , yeah , you did do that and there is a wonderful thing about being able to put your stake in the ground , look around and need a nap for six months . That's a lesson , a really important lesson to learn .
And it's also nice to know that you are , that you and your body are physically capable of doing things . I mean , there's always something to learn from , but you brushed on
¶ Exploring Motherhood and Emotional Intelligence
that . A lot of us we do things , and that goes for whatever we're doing here self-growth , spiritual development and so on . It goes for that too . We do things growth , spiritual development and so on . It goes for that too . We do things because with we kind of have the expectations when we do that . Then .
So if I release all my beanbags , then I'm feeling happy or whatever , and it's like it's not , it's not actually working , like that , like and the same like .
It goes for oh , if I , I'm going to do that , if I've lost that weight , the baby weight , or if I've done that like you'll be still pretty fucking miserable even when you lost 20 pounds , like that's not gonna magically turn on the happy switch .
Yeah , yeah , I think there's also this like big premium on happy .
There's like this really big , you know , like that's the end destination and it's you know , that's why I think satisfaction and fulfillment and these kind of more subtle energies are something I aspire towards and that I align with , because you can be satisfied in a moment and then you can be really freaking irritated at your kids in the next , and you're still
human . It's okay . I don't think that we're trying to avoid emotion . If anything , I'm at a point in my life where I'm really trying to allow my emotions , model my emotions , and not beat myself up for having them , but also , you know , learning how to modulate them in a way that's healthy and good for me and for those around me .
Yes , which kind of goes into another really interesting concept of let's let's put it like bluntly , like this women are allowed to have some emotions and we're not allowed to have others .
And there are a whole many spaces who tell us kind of like , oh , oh , no , like when you're very vocal about something , it's like , oh , she's like you already got like a lot of bad , like I don't know bad connotations thrown at you and it's really I like what you said and resonates so strongly with me .
I'm like the point where , like no , I'm actually I allow my emotions to take up space and it's okay . And , yes , I might not always express them retrospectively the way I kind of thought maybe would have been , I don't know , more appropriate , almost yeah , or . But I mean , then again , I'm still learning right .
Like I mean , I'm coming from someone who had almost no , I don't know , I had barely any , let's call it , emotional education growing up , and I think that resonates with a lot of us who have boomer parents . That wasn't something . Emotions wasn't something we , I don't know would have been articulated or talked about often .
So sometimes I feel like I am , sometimes I feel like my three and a half year old is like more emotionally mature than I am .
Yeah , it's very possible that that's true , and how . That's a very difficult spot to be in , to be learning on the fly , when three and a half year old has quite the expressions of emotion and they can be very overwhelming the expressions of emotion , and they can be very overwhelming .
I mean , we had in my household today so many emotions between my three children just before 10 AM I hadn't even had my second cup of coffee and there was . And so if you haven't , if you personally don't have a relationship with emotions that feel safe and good and true , then how can you feel when others are are emoting in their own right ?
It's very difficult . I would say my relationship with emotions growing up was different than what it sounds like yours were , and that there was a lot of yelling in my house , a lot of yelling , and so house , a lot of yelling , and so things were expressed , but they were just not necessarily expressed in a safe way .
And so for me , learning in my journey , I always just default to yelling because that was what was modeled to me , and then there's this huge , you know , dissonance between , like how I really feel and then how I'm expressing , and then this guilt afterwards , and so flowing through that and learning for me that okay , well , I tend to yell .
I would like to have a quieter , less scary voice with my children when it's not necessary and I've been gifted these kids where my daughter will say mama , it scares me when you talk with that voice and she says it so calmly that I'm like okay , well , I just wanted you to know that I'm serious , but next time I will try to use a softer voice .
But yeah , that's so great , right About young kids they learn by you doing what you do and not what you say , and at the same time , they're mirroring back at you and for me and that goes back to what you initially said in here like that you grew to be a different mother than you would have expected you to be . Like how , I'm curious .
What kind of mom did you think you would expected you to be ? Like how , I'm curious . How , what kind of mom did you think you would be prior to having kids ?
Well , I was the oldest grandchild out of both sides of my family and I always loved being around babies . From as early as I can remember , I wanted to be a mom , and specifically a stay at home mom , and I always said I wanted to have four kids . I have three . I'm not so sure I still want four , um , and I , I babysat , I taught swim lessons .
I got my degree in elementary education . I've always loved children and then when I had my own , I loved them , of course , but they were much less exciting to me in a way that other people's children were when I didn't have kids , and a lot more exhausting .
And I learned about human design in motherhood as I became a mom design in motherhood as I became a mom . And I'm a projector , which , if you are unfamiliar with human design , you can look it up . I have a blog post about it .
But projectors don't have a consistent source of energy and we need rest , and we also tend to be high achieving over performers who don't know how to rest , and so yeah , this is yeah .
This is like . This should be my new Instagram bio .
This is like this is the nutshell .
Yes , yes , I agree .
And for me what that meant is that I would do these big bursts of energy where I'd like clean the house and do the things and you'll have dinner ready , and then , like three days would pass and I would have no energy to do anything household related and I would just have these ups and downs where I felt like gosh , like I imagined that I would do all of
the things all the time and I would be delighted by all of it and be so joyful and , just like you know , feel the way I felt when I was teaching in a kindergarten classroom that I would feel that way about my own children . And it's so different , it's so , so different .
And so for me I learned how to be the kind of mom that's really okay with sitting and chilling and watching my kids play and like setting things up for them but then walking away . And I am not the make-believe pretend-play parent in this house .
I like to kind of like set things up for them and let them come upon them and then just kind of like sprinkle in . And I also had this big realization when my first was born that I didn't feel like a gentle person . I didn't know that I even wanted to be a gentle person . I didn't feel calm , I didn't feel gentle .
And then I had this tiny little critter who was so soft and snuggly and I just wanted to be soft and snuggly for him in a way that I was always just very like type A go , go , go and I never identified with being gentle to where , like , even like putting on lotion on my face , like I was like gosh , I'm really rough with myself , like I want to be
softer and gentler , and so that was , you know , a big . I didn't again , like it wasn't until I became a mom , that some of these things I wanted got on the table for me , wanting them , and then other things I was like , oh nevermind . Like I hate doing crafts . I do not want to craft with my children ever . I do not enjoy it .
We are fortunate enough that we have a full-time nanny and crafting is one of her greatest strengths and if she ever has kids someday , I do believe that she will still enjoy crafts . I am not that , and she loves to cook with the kids . I do believe that she will still enjoy crafts . I am not that , and she loves to cook with the kids .
Another thing that I like to cook , but I like my kitchen a certain way , and if you're cracking eggs with a two-year-old you deserve a medal Like I cannot do that .
Any cooking at all or any crafting at all with a two-year-old , with like two , like two to four-year-old is like I may be , I may be the kind of grandma that I thought , the kind of mom , but it's going to take me decades and a lot of sleep to get to the point again like you're like you .
You most likely will be that grandma right , because , yeah , grandma , you again . It's the cool part where you take the kids for a day or two and then you're like bye , bye , see you later .
Like I have me time now , whereas when you're a new mom , me time was not really a concept that , and it really for me like and I want to talk about this in the second part of our conversation , because that's initially the premise I kind of invited you in on the Cine Group podcast because you shared an Instagram post I think it was at the time about
mothering yourself and I was like oh , oh , that resonates deeply and that's something I've realized with when my son was born and then , like now , teaching him through , like through emotions and all those things and the early years . I like I have no recollection at all of a lot of these things .
I'm modeling for my son and I'm like huh , and I started like I mean , I've always done work , I've always been like I did somatic experience also before , but I kind of really went on a deep dive and I brought up a lot of really not so pleasant beanbags , um , and one of that was also like I don't know what is called in literature , which is often referred
to as a mother wound , and it was really like , oh yes , we or I . It really resonated , but I've never like experienced it per se , like my parents were great providers but they were not carers . So I'm like what does ? Like how do I start mothering myself ? Where do we even begin ?
Yeah , I think you begin when you realize that that's something that you want to do . And then you get to look at where in your life are you not getting the love , the compassion , the support that you maybe had imagined at some point you would be receiving from your mom ?
And even in the point I just mentioned about wanting to be more gentle with myself , it is giving yourself permission to put on lotion in a softer , gentler way when you have the thought I want to be more gentle
¶ Self-Mothering Through Daily Habits
. I think there's a lot of even just that tiny thing of thinking to yourself I want X , y , z and then not giving yourself permission to do that for yourself , thinking you don't have time or whatever , or even just it occurring to you that you can , you know , like that is something that we're just actually noticing that you're slapping on the lotion instead of
like , yeah , gently caressing your face , yeah . And , and maybe when I was a child , maybe people were slapping lotion on me . Do you know how hard it is to lotion a child ? They're moving all about crazy little animals , so it you know like . So it's . I mean it's a bad analogy , but it's a good analogy . I have three kids .
Only one of them likes it when I put lotion on the other two I'm probably more rough than I need to be because I just want to get the job done .
The sunscreen battle is the battle of every summer . It's like I don't know .
Yeah . So it's really hard , I think , to be a parent and I there really isn't . There kind of is now that conversation and dialogue on ?
Oh , this is difficult , but I think it's important to acknowledge the soup that you're swimming in and then right and then to to look at well , how can I give myself that love and how can I give myself that support , and what does that ? What would that look like ? And knowing that the lineage of mothers that you come from can sometimes be really helpful .
I mean , when I look back down the line , there really just wasn't very much mental health or support , or you know , people had children quite young in my family , so they didn't have a lot of money and they didn't have a lot of education and they had some mental health problems . You combine that for a few generations stacking backwards .
It makes a lot of sense why I grew up the way that I did , which isn't how I necessarily want my children to grow up , but I'm learning . And even that is an act of self-mothering , because if you can get that amount of space to say , okay , I want to do it differently , and how does that look ?
And not beat yourself up when you yell at your kids but live with compassion in yourself , that like okay , that was my default response , I do not want to do that again .
And being kind and then giving yourself that , the kindness , the compassion , the self-care , whatever it is , giving that to yourself , that's what self-mothering is , and I would venture to say that people who have amazing relationships with their mothers probably also need a dose of self-mothering , because we're always going to want certain things from other people that
really we can only truly give to ourselves yeah , or we have to give it ourselves first .
Right it's . I think there is a lot of making peace and being at peace with that you like from your mother or from any relationship that you will not , that you most likely will never get what you were hoping to get .
Yeah and I . There's this responsibility and maybe pressure that can come with recognizing that you if anybody's going to give it to you , it's got to be you . Then it's like , oh my gosh , I have so much on my to-do list , I like really don't have time for more , to do more , and now I got to do it for myself .
And so there's this Paradigm shift that occurs where you start to see that it's . You know , the oxygen mask thing isn't a fallacy . That is really true . If you've passed out , you cannot put an oxygen mask on your child . And it is a much longer path and it's a much .
You really have to have a vision for yourself in your 70s and 80s and look at her and say , okay , I'm taking care now so that I can be the vibrant , youthful , appreciative you , healthy , safe you that I want to be when I'm 70 . Because we all know people who are in their 70s and 80s that don't have their stuff together and wish they had sooner .
So it's like saving for your retirement when you're in your 20s . That's when you should be saving , because it's going to exponentially compound . But you don't think that which is not sexy when you're in your 20s , exactly , exactly . And then you hit your 40s and you're like , oh my God , I wish I had been saving . And so the same thing applies .
And so to not put extra pressure on yourself , but to know that little , tiny , small acts compound in the same way that if you had put a few dollars in in your twenties it would compound .
The same thing applies that if you start to listen to your intuition , create that relationship now , just think about how strong that connection will be in 15 years , in 20 years , if you start to take care of your basic needs and really support your own personal nourishment .
Not what the experts are telling you or whatever , but really listening to what does my body want and need and developing that connection now , over time , and being patient with it , with your body , with yourself , you know , making space for you , however big or small that space is right , like it could literally be clearing out a drawer or a little tiny corner of
a cabinet , and like cultivating some tiny space that brings you joy . For me , it's my closet , it's the only room in my house that is just mine . You do have a gorgeous closet , though it is gorgeous , but I've really made an effort to make it gorgeous .
It has been a huge effort of mine for seven years to make this space mine , and I'm kind of ruthless about it . Do you know where all the extra stuff in our house gets stored ? In my husband's closet . Not in mine , because I'm not going to share my space .
Yes , yours is a Zen space , I'm like no .
I'm like I got to and , to be fair , there's a dirty laundry basket right here that I'm staring at . It's not perfect , and that's the other thing . We're not striving , we're not looking for perfection , yeah .
Yes , we're not looking for perfect , so let's kind of like I want to circle back on what you said about stacking tiny little habits on top of each other , right ? Because yes , that goes for money , that goes for habits like Atomic Habits basically is the book .
If you want to know more about that , so can we say , and that word also has a bad rep , but maybe when we call it like so , let's say , cultivating a sort of gentle approach to discipline is also a way of monitoring ourselves .
If that's what you need , right , Like it's really a soup that you are making to your own specific tastes . And so there are some people who really actually don't need discipline . They need the allowance and the permission to not manage their schedule and their calendar . That's me , Like I went . I was always calendaring .
So many hours and time spent managing a calendar , and the more radical , more truthful approach for me is not putting everything on my schedule , not keeping . I don't keep a paper calendar anymore after 30 years of having a paper calendar .
I love this for you .
Yeah , so I mean . So discipline for some right , and the having rituals and rhythms for yourself is really important , I believe , because those rituals are something that are going to anchor and ground you to who you are and bring you back to what's important have soothing , calming , tactile strategies that are going to help you feel good .
And rhythms are something that are going to ebb and flow and change based on what season it is in life and in nature .
My discipline , in your words , my discipline for summer is going to be very different than fall , because my kids are out of school in the summer , so there's a lot more chaos and a lot less quiet for me to do my client sessions and my podcasts . I work out of my house . This is all these people in my house . I'm not going to have that .
So rhythms are something that you can come back to , you know , when it's nice and warm outside , going for a morning walk . When it's snowy and cold outside , morning walks aren't going to serve you . Well , maybe for some , but that's not going to serve me .
So then it's , you know , finding a gentle yoga practice or going to a Pilates class and allowing myself to shift and change in what feels good now and not angering myself to . Well , you know , I was 20 pounds lighter when I was going to Pilates . Every day , like that is .
That's a tendency that most of us have is like okay , well , how do I get back to where I was and what was I doing to do that ? And again , you know , your , your mind is going to have a billion ideas . But if you exhale , exhale , exhale and really listen to your intuition , it's going to be simple and straightforward .
It , like your intuition is going to tell you drink more water , word it like your intuition is going to tell you drink more water , like go to bed .
You know it might say something you weren't expecting about , or try different exercise , uh huh , never really thought about .
You're like oh , it's going to like give you somebody's name and that's your friend , and your friend has this other thing , and so you go do walks around the lake with that , you know . So it's going to guide you in ways that your mind isn't going to tell you what to do .
But if you've been living from your mind for however long you've been living like , it's okay to experiment and try some another resource of wisdom inside of you .
Yeah , yes , and I , I see that discipline is not really the right word , but you know , I see that discipline is not really the right word . But you know , I don't know . When you hear your intuition and it tells you something to to maybe go for that lake walk , and you hear it , but you have to turn that
¶ Trusting Intuition Through Honest Experimentation
into I don't know . Aligned action right , just thinking of it ? It's not . It's not enough . Just manifesting about it is not enough . You need action , and I see this with my clients , but also in myself more than I'd like to admit . But whenever we try something new , it feels uncomfortable as fudge .
Our body does not want to do this , whether it's like A new exercise or a new diet , whatever New , uncomfortable , even if it's better for you when you're 70 . The uncomfortableness in the right now Stops a lot of people From doing it again and again and again . So Maybe from doing it again and again and again .
So maybe one way of moving through that is actually being like okay , with the uncomfortable , like , yes , it's supposed to feel uncomfortable because you're doing something new or how , how , how you're looking at it .
Yeah , so one thing is the if you would look at if you have young children or if you have access to one and you look at what they do . Borrow one you can borrow mine you can look at what they do , yeah , they fall and they get back up .
They , you know , they explore and they experiment , but they also don't have these like lofty expectations of performance , of results , you know , and they do things until and they have no stories of that success in their heads .
They're experimenting , they're playing , they do something until it feels good or until their interest gets turned somewhere else and then they move on to something else , usually after seven minutes of any activity , yeah , and they're totally fine with it .
So I think there's something to be said for being radically honest with yourself on where you are finding joy and delight and what would happen if you gave yourself permission to prioritize that , to really truly let yourself dwell in the beauty of the leaves blowing in the trees outside and stay there for a while .
And then , when you get your stomach grumbles like oh , oh , I forgot it's time to eat and really just kind of tuning in more to yourself .
Now again , if you have all of these emotions and stories and beanbags piled up , it's going to be really hard to trust that joy and delight are your greatest teachers , because you've been told and you believe that you know discipline and action are the ways to get what you want .
Yeah , so it's really helpful to experiment in areas of your life where things do feel more intuitive and more flowy and easy . So if that's in your work , then experiment with handing the reins over to your intuition . In work , you know places where you feel safe and okay and successful already . That's going to be a good place to develop that , that trust .
But the tool I've been playing with more is really is honesty . Because if I'm truly honest with myself about what my intuition's telling me , I don't have to listen to it , I don't have to listen to my mind , I don't have to listen to my intuition .
But being honest about really where that information is coming from and trusting that I know it Cause so often when people get into this work , the first thing they will . How do I know for sure that it's my intuition or how do I know it's not my mind pretending to be my intuition ?
Oh my gosh , I've gotten that question so many times and it's like your mind is asking that question . Your mind is asking is my mind pretending to be my intuition ? So you got to be honest with yourself about this and it's a little bit of a trust fall . I don't know . Let's just see . It doesn't actually matter where it's coming from .
If it feels good and true and right for you , it's going to be okay . So the honesty is a key piece , and then the other thing is the element of experience and experimenting . So just let's see for you if you were like , okay , I'm embarking on this new exercise or this new diet thing and I it's .
It's so uncomfortable and I hate it , but I also know it's going to delight me when I'm 70 . And so I'm willing to be miserable . The thing that's soothing to the mind is to say , well , let's just see . Let's just see what happens in 30 days . Let me just , you know , 10 days or I'll try it .
For you know that whole thing about like , oh well , just take yourself on a 10 minute walk and before you know it , you'll be walking for 60 . And it's like , you know , we do sometimes have to give our mind a carrot , and that's like supporting it and soothing it , just like you would a child .
That self-mothering is being like okay , yeah , you're not in the mood for a walk . I see that , that's you know . Netflix is really compelling because they just keep playing shows over and over again , which makes you feel like you shouldn't get off the couch . But I have a really good podcast for you to listen to .
Come on and being like gentle and cute and sweet with yourself can go a long way .
Yeah , that is so true . And yeah , and really be like , hey , how can I ? Yeah , really , next time you're like , oh okay , I didn't , really do not want to do this thing , whatever it is , your new exercise , your tax returns , whatever , yeah , try go at it from an angle of monitoring yourself .
Yes , like what would you say to your child , to your inner child , and like not and don't , don't do it .
Don't do the action . When you're in a miserable mood , do not do that is not the time to do it , but can you gently nudge and guide and mother and curate an experience for yourself ? You're like , oh , oh , look , I made you some tea . I'm burning your favorite candle , Come on , you can do it . And like do that .
It's like so fun to play with your and that's what our children are doing when they're playing . They're like ooh , look , I can stand on this and jump . That's so cool and entertaining . And they're in that mode of being their best playmate and you can be your best playmate . Still , You're just a little out of practice .
But again , you're not too far off the path . You do it a few times and you're like oh wow , I really like it when I make myself a bath with bath salts . That's delightful .
And then you know , self-care becomes something that isn't what you're doing out of objection , because you know you're supposed to take care of yourself , but it's because it actually gives you delight .
Yes , and please use the good bath salt . Yeah , the one that you stored away for like special occasions .
Yeah , because if you don't ?
they're just gathering dust .
anyway , use them .
Yeah , oh God , like I think the time just kind of flew by . Oh God , like I think the time just kind of flew by .
I want to let everyone know who's listening that if they're like I want to work more with my intuition , I'm curious now you got something for us that is kind of like a super introduction , to kind of like listen to your intuition and live in alignment with your inner wisdom . Do you want to tell us quickly more about it ?
Yeah , so I have a free program called 21 Days to Intuition and it's a three-week experience where every day you have a prompt from me that helps you guide yourself to listening to your intuition on little everyday moments .
So some of them are like letting your intuition take you for a walk or a drive to work , or having your intuition pick out what you wear today , and so every day for three weeks you're just developing a deeper connection to your intuition and there's journal prompts and lots of support along the way to encourage you .
I actually like read the responses to the journal prompts and respond to them , so I am on the other side cheering you on and answering your questions , and so that's always a really great place to start or a great place to reconnect and reignite that connection If it feels like it's been a while since you've listened . But you know you have an intuition .
I have clients that do it every year because they just love not having to think of what to ask their intuition about , but just to be able to connect on a different topic every day .
Connect into the stream . Yeah , and I mean , I've done it myself . It's really delightful . Thank you , I was really enjoying it . So please , if you've liked Colleen's approach , go sign up for her 21 Days of Intuition . Yes , you will not regret it .
It's at ColleenElisecom and I know you'll link to it in the show notes , but we will link it in the show notes .
And also you hang out most on Instagram , I feel , I think .
That's my main place to play . Yeah , I also have a newsletter and I have a membership that people can join if they want more deep one-on-one coaching with me for a full year . That's called the Season Sessions , and I love connecting on Instagram .
I've been on Instagram for so long , so many years , since the early days , over a decade People had all the same weird filters like the one that turned everything dark . It was it was a different place . We took pictures of our food . Yeah , we were so carefree . We took pictures of our food and our outfits and it was just bliss it was .
It was and think you know what we're talking about today like we'll be saying that , oh , podcasting was so . It was just . We were just sitting in our closet talking .
Yeah .
So things change , but yeah , this has just been so delightful . I really appreciate you and I'm excited to connect with your community and hopefully see a few people in 21 Days to Intuition .
Yay . Thank you so much for spending the time with me on the Scenic Root Podcast , kylie . Thank you so so much . Thank you . Thank you so much for listening to the Scenic Root Podcast . I hope you've enjoyed today's episode and that you can take something from it that feels right to you .
I'd be so grateful if you could share the Scenic Root Podcast with others . As always , you can head over to scenicrootpodcastcom to check out all links and resources from today's episode .
Oh , and while you're there , don't forget to download my free email course Intuitive Branding Invitation to teach you how you can successfully tune into your own brand frequency and rediscover your brand's unique gifts , strengths and talents . So thanks again . Talk soon . And just like that , we've reached the end of another journey together on the Scenic Root Podcast .
Thank you for spending
¶ Embracing Your Scenic Route
time with us . Curious for more stories or in search of the resources mentioned in today's episode , visit us at scenicrootpodcastcom for everything you need and if you're ready to embrace your scenic root , I've got something special for you . Step off the beaten path with my Scenic Route Affirmation Card Deck .
It's crafted for those moments when you're seeking courage , yearning to trust your inner voice and eager to carve out a path authentically , unmistakably yours . Pick your Scenic Route Affirmation today and let it support you . Excited about where your journey might lead , I certainly am .
Remember the Scenic Route is not just about the destination , but the experiences , learnings and joy we discover along the way . Thank you for being here and I look forward to seeing you on the scenic route again .