How to Accomplish Self-Trust in Your Own Journey with Virginie Ferguson

When working with individuals , she helps the overwhelmed and anxious reduce stress and anxiety so they can access emotional and mental resilience to be their best selves with those they love and advance their career .

In the workplace , she assists employees and leaders in developing resilience to foster happy , engaged and successful teams and to attract and retain the best talent . But first , um Virginie Ferguson , for p eople who don't know you , um like , can you ? They greatly walk us through your story .

They pace their day like how you got from France to Scotland , like what were your pivotal crossroads and the big moments that led you to where you today .

Like as an employer , you just want to keep for yourself who you think well , I gotta find it boring and who would want to know that . But I share the picture of me and in fact , I've got it here . Oh , you're not gonna see it , well , sorry .

So it's yeah , it's Blurred the Alchemist by Paul Quill and this , yeah , it's a lot of amazing books and this , the picture I shared with this book that I've got here , is the very copy that I've bought . I've bought many copies since , but this is the only one I've got left because I keep giving them away .

But this is the French Verde Noeuvre and this is the very one that I bought and that French one . So that was going to Paris when I was working in Paris and time , when I was 20 years old , hated the job I was doing , didn't know what I was wanting to do . I was in a right place in my house ? No way .

And then I read this book and then at the end of it I just , you know , this book really changed my life , because I ended up buying a one-way ticket plane to Guernsey Tiny Island in the Tidal Island , and that just thought . You know , I'll figure out what direction I'm going to take into my life .

I'm just going to improve my English , something that's always good to have .

I was like 20 years old but I've left France and then I've never come back to the list there . So I stayed on the island for a bit year , met my husband , good porter , hence why we're here now in Portland , in the west of Portland , a beautiful part of the world , very , very wet , but that's why it's so beautiful .

And then I got to a point where I was working as a project manager with biofarm and local companies , mostly vaccine producers , all over Europe . So I was a mum off to working full time , driving all over Europe and I was trying to bounce it all and I was just completely stressed out , overwhelmed .

This is when I eventually thought , right , I need to do something and need to find a way to deal with this and just to reconnect and just to look after myself .

And so I stopped , I tried yoga , tried the yoga class , and I thought you know that was yoga , was always something that I always , you know like in my twenties , I always , you know why would you want to do that ? You know like , just go and run and live with I know the feeling .

Yeah , let's try something different , right , like I mean and then that , just you know , I discovered how much it was impacting me , like mentally it was like the mental and emotional data thing how much more calm I was , how much more on control and the clear on mind you know , it wasn't I used to , so what I started doing at that point was like getting up

earlier , like early in the morning , before everybody woke up , before the kids were up , and just take that half an hour , 45 minutes , to myself and practice in my living room , do my breathing , do wee bit meditation in the end , and then what I found is that was just so much calmer . You know , it wasn't that big rush , rush , rush .

Let's get the kids at the door , hurry up . Yeah , and then we'd arrive at the scene like I mean , we'd walk for eight , thirty , nine , and then just get friends and you're like , what am I supposed to be doing ? What am I doing today ? And then , and yeah , have breakfast . So I was just getting there , I was just like what's wrong .

Now I know one day , this is , this is and obviously with this kind of this scientific background and a lot of time , how things work and why things happen , is that in , we and I started digging and and looking at the , the nervous with them , you know , try to understand why , why I was doing this , why I was feeling that way , why he had such an impact .

And so the more I was reading and studying and discovering about it , the more I thought I just need to figure that with , with others , you know . And it came to a point where I was almost always thinking about you know , just be at work and doing my thing , and then I'll just go to the room and then the main will just go somewhere else .

I'll be like thinking about the next yoga practice , and I was even sort of started to imagine , you know how the teacher , how I would be , and so I thought , you know , well , there's always this thing where the main is like what are you talking about ? You know , you've got a great job , great career , this is a great company to

work for .

You look good on your CV . Right Like it's so instant .

It's like , no , look , look , come on , come on , you know what would you want to do that . But then eventually you know , when the little voice doesn't shut up and it just becomes louder and louder , and then Was there like a specific turning point where you're like , oh , I gotta trust my emotions on that now .

I remember one day I had clients coming for an audit actually , and when it was like this , when they were coming on site , it was my job to organise everything and just welcome them and be there , especially that they were French-speaking , so it always helped that was there to translate and speak their own language , and I remember so , when it was like that , I

always tried to arrive a little bit earlier than normal and I'd settle and prep out of the room and all that sort of stuff . So I was trying to rush , but my daughter , who was maybe three at the time I don't own an agenda right like it do- Especially three-year-olds like I mean .

Who is this person that I'm becoming ? This is not the mother I imagined I would be . This is not the mother I want to be . This is not awful . This is all my stress building up inside . This is all the pressure . She's taking the brunt of it .

You know , three-year-olds , yeah , and kind of like you know , pick it up on this fight or flight , and then my heart and my heart rate pattern all over the place , obviously as being like a heart-cleaning putler and all these things . But back when I didn't .

So she was obviously feeding online , reflecting and being wind up even more , and that fight responded because I was and I was projecting that , and so it was just the half hour that it took to drive out to nursery . I was just crying my eyes out , thinking what is that ? Who am I ?

And I got to work afterwards , and then colleagues were looking over at me a few times during the day thinking you all right , kind of my , as you can see , obviously just feel we're wearing up , at a point when I was just recording what happened in that morning and then all that , all time that day I was elsewhere , I wasn't ready in my job and I was just

thinking , you know , something's got to get there , something's got to change . I can't carry on like that . So I guess that was probably another turning point there . Like I said , there was this little void for a while . It was building inside , but that really pushed me to the right , something in I'm getting pulled towards it , let's try it .

And then so that was four years ago Now I left the job and then started this and initially I was teaching yoga and then , you know , it was just a point where I was , I was exploring really , you know , because people come to yoga for all sorts of reasons , but I realized that what were coming to me ? Well , very much like me , I think .

You know you are trying , you're trying to get people out . You are like , yeah , like minded people , yeah , and it was a lot about , you know , managing their stress and the anxiety and giving them that themselves a break .

A lot of them are so and then it just kind of really pushed me into that direction and tried to really we're really kind of pushing this thing where I need to support for the best person and anxiety . So I just looked into you know , the issue and the work of Julia Spencer , because I remember again me trying to understand her thing what it was just like .

What's happening when we do a good action ? Why doesn't it feel it makes them feel so good ? And so I started diving into this .

But they're all done in in New York City and I came across a blog post from Dr Joe Dutton talking about half math and how they've done the study that show , like after 18 minutes of half-period and practice you get this huge , really so-so antibodies . And I was what is that ? What is the half math ? I never had half math before . Yeah , yeah , that's it .

I drove to say it on my website and I'm like , yeah , that's a thought of my street . This is science , this is . This is linked to the heart , to mediation , to our practice , to my emotions , to our trends in half math forward . And then , yeah , and now I guess I'm just that's what I do . I coach people .

I do work in companies as well because , again , a lot of the work I do is in life science and health companies , because they understand the message that I've got there about . You know this is all woo , woo , woo . Yeah , this is why it works . You know science is there . Yeah , I love that . So , yeah , so I coach people with one .

I've got an online course that's just long and they're going to companies and support their employees . I'll teach them how to get back to themselves , to try and to rebalance themselves , to regain their nervous system so they can get back to the best version of themselves .

Again , you know thinking to me , it was about being that the best I could be in my work and with my children . That was so important . Yeah , I hated that person I had become . I wasn't the mum I wanted to be , so it was all about , you know , strapping all that stuff back and just getting back to the way it actually was and building it .

Right , but I think it's not kind of like outside of you , in front of you , but it's inside of you for sure , and for most of us you are now in like their 30s , 40s , 50s right it's or even in your 20s , I suppose , like your best self , your highest self .

You were that at some point right , and before I don't know before , everyone told you how you should be and how you should behave and this is good and this is not good in social and whatever social settings or in school or wherever .

So it's kind of like the returning back to you , the returning home , where I , rather I really like that you said like going back , right it's .

I think it's more that notion than like striving towards your best self , as kind of like an ideal that you're never going to achieve anyway , that most people are kind of like substituting with like being perfect , which , again , it is not what it's about . It's still very much you being a human , with all the messiness that comes with it , right .

But so I'm really glad you said like going back to and so like how , how , how , how are we getting , how are we getting to start things right , like we're the work that , like most of us know , we're stressed out , we're constantly overstressed .

Anyway , our nervous is truly overstimulated , as is anyway we , we like , deal with chronic illness , or we have we're parenting , or and or we're building businesses . So we're online , we're on social media , we're getting bored with all these different things of how we should be and and compare , and that's also stress .

It is not just running around trying to get your kids to nursery . That's stress , but there are different levels of stress . So , hi , how do we start building our capacity or our resilience to hold more ? Because we cannot control , as you say , sometimes things get thrown at you .

We can't really control what's getting thrown at us , and this is very also in line with Joe's bed . We can control how we react to the plastic .

We hate it as human beings because we always need to see the next step and then it's such a controversy really , in the way we live Now , we are built with our nervous system and our ego that want to protect the things the way they are , because anything outside of that control zone is a threat , and our nervous system is always trying to keep us safe .

And , like you said , we're born suddenly bombarded all the time . Our nervous system was working really well . It was designed really well for humans 200,000 years ago , but we've not had the system of grades since then . Life has moved on so quickly , we've evolved so quickly as human beings , but the nervous system is still the same and it's not our lives .

It's not that the nervous system is not optimized for our lives now , it's just our lives are just completely misaligned with who we really are now , with function as human beings . So we need to give us a break . They were constantly bombarded and that drains us . That drains us . Being thrown into constant fights or flight or beneath is just a constant everything .

Cortisol , yeah , it's just no energy left . There's just no control over inflammation . We get chronic diseases . Our DNA gets damaged because cortisol attacks the little gaps on your chromosomes . So when your DNA is damaged , your cell can no longer replicate the way we get diseases . So we need to balance that .

Always talk about your autism and misnirvus system . It's really subconscious . It runs at the low-pilot . You go to the high-pilot . We are accelerators and you'll break and we're constantly pressing on to the accelerator but we never break enough .

You go on social media and you feel inadequate because everything is so beautiful and rosy We've got to think about . The system has been so primitive that it was just there to defend ourselves . But everything that we , that the nervous system is achieved as a threat to you and your survival and to the human race , really is a threat .

So like , if we feel inadequate , we don't feel beautiful enough , we're not going to find a mate or a project . We might not have the most beautiful house . It's not a good enough shelter , Maybe we don't . You know we're not able to go to all these fancy restaurants . We don't have enough food .

You know it's all these things and it's all a get-get-eat by nervous system as a threat . People will say , oh , they work out such a stressful week , Wait to have a glass of wine or gin and tonic time Friday , and what you're doing is again you're like , you're adding , you're pressing onto the accelerator because alcohol does that .

It just releases even more stress hormones . So we need to learn to give our nervous system a break and slow down and press onto the brake .

Like I mean , there's nothing inherently good or bad , it's whether you use it , as I think . Whether you , for what's the reason you're doing the gin tonic night , right , if you want to go celebrate with your , with your girlfriends , and have a gin tonic , fair enough , right . But if you use it to go , like , log out something else , I'll be very helpful .

But the thing is and that's always when you're in the midst of all that at the beginning , the gin and tonic in the moment might be right , the thing that renews , right . Or the cup of coffee in the morning .

I mean , alcohol is maybe too extreme , but let's say the cup of coffee in the morning , right , you have the instant gratification of , oh , this is renewing me , but long term , it might be depleting you , right , depending on where you're at . So how do we really navigate ?

What is renewing me , what is filling my cup and what is actually draining me , and I think it's all about balance really .

What else the extrovert needs that I've been need because they'll know I still remain introvert type . So socialising with large group of people is actually renewing . So it's understanding you , knowing you . But when I walk my clients as well , in my online course , I've got this exercise which I call the depleting funnel and the renewing tool .

So it's really looking at . You know , the depleting funnel , what is there in your life that depletes you ? And then I always say to them you know , run that through like the RAB framework . I've folded the RAB . So it's like remove , avoid and boundary . So what can you renew from that ? You know , in the case of , can you delegate something , can you give ?

Can you , can you avoid going to these places or things like that ? And then the B is for boundaries . You know , if it's something you can remove , you can avoid , Can you put boundaries around ? Now , again , going back to the example of introvert , introvert , beyond introvert , it's okay to say I have added off , I need to reshule my cup . Now , you know .

It's okay to say you have to yourself from a party after two hours and say I need to go home now , I need to renew myself and I have some time alone . So can you put boundaries around that ?

And then the renewing pool is about seeing what in your life renews you , what really brings you love , joy , calm and peace and all that sort of , and use that really as a pool of asset that you can pull from . Like , really , I need to renew myself . What can that take from that ?

And when we go through this , that is a tell them to kind of run that through the , the math , so multiply , amplify and add , so multiplying . How can you do these things more often ? Amplify ? Can you maybe like find a way to amplify those benefits ? Can you even like bring two things together ?

I mean , I don't know if you love you know again , you're an extrovert and you need the company , being in a lot of people , but you also love being in nature , I don't know find a walking outdoor outdoor outdoor yoga class whatever you create and amplify that . And the last bit is adding to that as well . You know , what else can you add ?

Is this something that you've always said would love to do , that would love to try that , or oh , I used to love doing class or doing this when I was younger and I don't do that anymore . Can you bring that back into your life , because these things are there to renew us and makes us feel good ? So , yeah , so it's a way .

I guess this exercise , there really is a way , like you said , about protecting your capacity Remove , avoid , put boundaries around it , take that capacity don't get drained so much and then it's refueling it . You've taken away a wee bit of that capacity and you're all that with all these things that are just renewing you , that feel good in your life .

That's always in conversation , that's really , really hard to find .

So meaning you see yourself as a mom and you have an image of how a mom should be that has been shaped by I don't know . In my case it was . My image of a mom is I don't want to be like my mom . That's hey , my no , I mean , that's that's yeah , yeah , yeah , like that's a good conversation for another episode .

Yeah , oh God , yeah , but like , so you have that right , so you create .

So you have all these conflicts of like how I should be , how I see myself , I'm not leaving up dad or whatever and then , when you're in with all your other roles , right , like , oh , I also have like a business owner role and I have a mom role , and then I have a wife role , and how can I like multiply myself and be Be excellent all the time everywhere

and Like shortcut , like spoiler .

When I take my clients from my program , I do have certain steps that take them through this kind of framework , but this is always kind of , you know , a couple of sessions where it's just going to be like , hmm , I'll just kind of guide them towards you know what they need or what we need to work on , and so for some of them we really work on their

values , because a lot of people have an idea about you know what's important to them . But if I would say to them , give me your top seven value , I think about it . Nobody can really give you that , you know . But like this is important , but an understanding that what are your top 10 key ? Because I write the ducks like I remember , so perfect .

So it's family faithfulness , care , health , achievement , autonomy and genuineness . These are my seven . And why I want to well speak about this ? Because you've mentioned that a lot of the stress that we have and anxiety come from conflict with our whole value .

So if in everyday life you know you're doing a job that's constantly conflicting with some of these values , you're always going to feel stressed in action . If we want to really live a life of fulfillment , happiness , we need to be aligned with those four values .

If we do think that it's that internal conflict all the time , it's always because of that conflict , that stress and that anxiety , that anxiety within you . So this is why , again , you know we were talking about and I love what you said that it's not something . The best version of ourself is not in front of us , it's within us , because that's what it is .

If you can't straight back everything that's been added , all these layers , all the expectations and stuff , yeah , and you can align yourself with who you truly are , your four values that drive your thought , your behavior , if you can live your life in alignment with these .

I mean , some don't bother ever . Like I mean my , my niece , she doesn't care about painting like these five . Now she's like , yeah , like she colors , but it's not like right , and it's fine . But if you as a child , if you were really coloring which could ? I mean your parents will let you know if you were then that's still in you .

It might not be color , it might not be working with clay or whatever , but it's still in you . It's not something you kind of work towards Exactly .

It's when you go into a slow state and if we read that state , this is when we get really of anandamide , which is and I love that they call that . You're transmitted that way because ananda in Sanskrit , in the ancient Yodhvik language that's using yoga , I mean bless . It makes us feel blessed .

So just again , feeling content , feel happy , all kind of lovey-dovey , and we don't get into that deep enough and most of us what we are doing is because we've got so many things going on .

We're always distracted , we multitask , we keep ourself in that fast phase of that flow state which is called toggle phase , and then that phase we get adrenaline and cortisol from top . So can you imagine if you spend a day where you're just in that phase ? All the time you're just pumping those .

So you'll sit down to do something you know you have to do and you'll look at something else and it'll be like , oh , this is going up .

So if we were to do , for example , like a B-brex practice , so bramerie , nyeh mung , or if we tap that just and breathing in and out through the nose is really important and not through the mouth , do that so it helps release nitric oxide as well , so that flushes out your stress hormone . And then we get into that flow state .

And so flow state generally this whole cycle lasts about 90 minutes for most adults . Some people can go longer . I know I can . I can be in flow state for a lot longer because I'm an introvert and I'm not so sensitive to dopamine , so I can keep going a little bit longer . Extrovert tends to be a bit shorter .

So we get that anandamide , the dopamine release enough flow state . And then , once we've exhausted that , we get into what's called the recovery phase , which is when we get the rotonin and the opthosin and what . Okay , yeah .

Well , I mean , when you're in the moment , right Doors fucking 10 minutes , yeah , like they're fucking forever . And that's the whole thing of like your whole concept .

If you're into manifestation or an old those sorts , or it's true to Spencer , I feel it's also connected very much to the concept of time and the time bending right , like how time is not something straight , right , if you're in the first phase , time will feel like forever , like it's dragging on and in your flow space it's like that's it , time's gone , right .

So that's a mental bracket . So I think that's really

interesting . Yeah , good to know those four phases were like really , be mindful of all the which . Where am I now ? I feel I agree , loads of those are in phase one . Well , way too much . But then we there are a lot of us who are doing some of the work . Then we get into phase two because we know we have to like decompress , de-stress , whatever .

So I feel more like I know how personally , I know how I can get . It doesn't work always , it doesn't work so well every day , but I know how I can get myself from phase one to phase two . So what if the crucial Like is there something crucial how to move from phase two to phase three that most people like aren't aware of ?

That's like my job , but I do that and then I feel more relaxed , but not necessarily in a flow state . Well , obviously , of course , it may be nine o'clock in the evening , so we're not gonna paint now , but maybe I would . I don't know . But is there , Is there something , or is just again ? This is something I need to know .

The next step to get into that flow space yeah , we're so bad .

In order to get to flow state , it has to be something that is challenging you and the science around it is saying like it needs to be something that maybe roughly about 4% above your current skill set . So , to give you an example , see if you were to go and play football with a bunch of five year olds . That's going to be super easy for you , right ?

You got to get bored . You're not going to be able to reach for .

If you're not distressed all day and you're full key , I can't , I can't , I can't , yeah , okay , okay , this is great . So , yeah , you can use yoga to do that , but it could be just very simple . You know like it's all about activating that side of the nervous system . So if you were to use yoga , for example , it can just be one pose or two poses .

You know what works well in this case is inversion . So doing a down door child's pose , or even just lying on your bed and putting your leg up the wall , just anything that's got to bring blood to your throat , yeah , yeah , your battle center .

So we've got receptive and the fruit that's monitoring the blood pressure all the time just to make sure there's no too much pressure . That's that you know for the head , yeah or not enough , not not too much when that when the rise of blood pressure , the head is affected , it triggers the break with the nervous system .

You know there's both two sides , but it affects your entire body in your mind . You know it's just so . It's got to open up your artery to drop your blood pressure . So you got to stop . You'll relax Then . So that's the way you could do it . Um other easiest way is through the breath , because the breath is such yeah , it's just breath work .

It's an incredible . It's got an incredible position in in the nervous system because it's both part of your Alternative nervous system so that all the pilot that you don't control Right now you're breathing . You don't have to think about that . But it's also part of what we call the traumatic nervous system , the one we control .

So you can choose the angel part of hold your breath , yeah , deep belly breath , with or without . We're able to affect directly our pilot through the breath . So anything , any breath or anything that's going to extend that exhale , because when we breathe out , when the breath comes on , every break we take , every breath that we take , accelerates out in breath .

Exhale again , deep breath and rectangle breathing , which is a one that will load my client low , you know , following the shape of a rectangle Breathe in the short side , breathe out the long side and then , yeah , you have to .

You know , like what you do when you're like out lost in the woods , and I'm like that's always I don't know , always good to know , right . And she said well , and then she also talked about the breath . You know like how you can call yourself down in stressful situation .

And that's the first time that goes into a rectangular shape thingy . Where I was , I it really I had it explained like this that you need to breathe out longer . Yeah , then you breathe in to calm your butt . I'm like why , why , why , why is that ? Like you know , I think that's also so cool .

That's how it's , I mean yeah , I mean , I don't know , did I really have to become like 36 years age to for the first time ? You know , I haven't really not implied or blah blah , blah , but really explain and said out loud you have to breathe out twice as young as you breathe in to calm down .

Yeah , so I really like the rectangular shape , right , because the one side the shorter , one side you longer , so you're naturally dead .

the need to know the next step , right , and I think it just ties in so beautifully , right what I've said . Right , I mean I wanted to know what is the next phase , how can I get the next phase Like , oh , shut up , right , right , and like the whole to issue , you know .

Then again , I think it ties very beautifully in to the alchemist by Paulo Caelo , right , I mean one of the key theme , if you don't know the book , and so it's kind of like a tea that shares Santiago's personal experience and he has visions and he follows visions and it kind of like leads him back to a treasure .

How can we kind of like release that and start trusting the journey Right , the journey we're on a human , the journey we're on in a business and it's very much seen a group theme here how can we start releasing the need to know for the next step and how can we start trusting ? How can we start trusting ?

We've got to reinvent ourselves all the time , creating this new identity all the time . You know , like , we are the sum of our habits , but our habits change all the time throughout the year . Our habits change all the time . Now we're going into spring Lights , like it .

You don't know the changes there . Change is a constant . So no point spending energy in trying to get . We can do our best guess , and that's where the whole controversy is , because the brain is doing that . The brain is constantly predicting .

of things we hurry to grow ?

Is this feeling that I'm having , now the thought , are they really serving me right now ? Or is it just again , just a made up thing , you know , and again it's going back to calming herself down the way .

I'm thought in that bite of light and say so , we're not driven by the traumatic emotional brain , so we're actually able to , to , to feel the present right .

So you kinda need to relax , calm down , whatever be in , like where you come back to a state of being present , to so you can be aware of all those things ?

This is an exercise I do sometimes with my clients and then and it's great to do whatever you're at , you know , like , if it's for your personal purpose or for your business or if your people , manager or leader in leading an organisation , it's the mind-map , half-map thing . So you know how we , we all know how to do mind-map .

Right , you've got something to do , or you draw out what's going on , blah , blah , blah , blah , and you , yeah , it can become really big , but when we can calm ourselves down , when we can connect to our heart , practice heart coherence , make sure our nervous system is in that perfect balance and we can really get into that coherent state through the heart , that

kind of brings coherence in all of the systems of the body and the mind . And then we do that exercise where we're just doing that again , but from the place of arm and peak in the heart . Oh , so we're doing the heart-map and though you really you look at it . You're like this is so simple , it's just so simple .

Thank you so much for sharing this exercise and also , like the , the , the and sorry , the other exercises with all the depleting funnel and the pool , I really loved , though I'm so glad we got book about it and share it with everyone who's listening .

So I have like , let me tell me where can people find you online , where you hang out , so people can read more about you .

I've got two websites , but if you go to Clan Wellnesscom and if you were to look at just the coaching , for example , it would lead you to my other website , which is a resilient for modern life . So Clan Wellnesscom or ResilienceforModernLifecom that that's where you'll find me .

We'll , of course , link it also in the show notes , so I have always one last question for my guests . I'm not sure if we all already have answered this question , so let me know . And the question is what book or I've just started one last night called dopamine nation . Yeah , opamine , nation . Oh , that sounds you know really .