This audio was recorded in 2006, long before Hijackals became Dr. Shaler's focus. Rethinking Selfishness: "What if I told you that I now value selfishness? Would that be shocking? Not only do I value it, but I encourage others to value it and practice it." In this first of our upcoming Legacy Files, Dr. Shaler explores the often misunderstood concept of selfishness and redefines it as a positive force. Throughout our lives, many of us have been taught that being selfish is wrong. However, Dr. Sh...
Apr 22, 2024•21 min
Whether you're looking for a new friend or a potential new relationship, you don't want to be trauma dumping. When you let your whole story fly, someone else is likely to get crushed by it. Out of the gate, with someone new, it's smart to establish a relationship dynamic based on balance, mutual sharing, and emotional maturity. Oversharing personal traumas can burden the budding relationship and skew its potential for growth. Whether you're single, dating, or looking to improve your emotional co...
Mar 12, 2024•34 min•Ep. 342
SOOO frustrating! You hoped for a partner, parent, sibling, or adult child with whom you could communicate, collaborate, and co-operate, but no. You live most of the time with q tiresome toddler or miserable middle schooler, right? Learn more about recognizing the patterns and altering your expectations now. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: #Hijackals are emotionally immature. Check your expectations when you approach a narcissist. Expecting equality? Oops! Often feel you're talking to a tiresome tod...
Mar 05, 2024•28 min•Ep. 341
Narcissists ask for too much...and they expect to get it. It's essential to hear that a question is outrageous so you can respond differently. If you've been with a Hijackal for too long, you may have stopped hearing their questions as outrageous; This episode will sharpen your listening skills and increase your sensitivity to questions that are intrusive, violating, and need a solid NO answer. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Listen for outrageous questions. You may have become used to them, Narciss...
Feb 27, 2024•43 min•Ep. 340
Being with a narcissistic person is scary, right? You are usually wrong...even when you're right!. You never know what mood they'll be in. They lie, gaslight, rage, and fall silent. They are intimidating! They keep you on edge! What can you do to reduce the intimidation? Listen to this episode. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Narcissistic people are likely to engage in several kinds of abuse: verbal, physical, sexual, financial, emotional or spiritual Hijackals use intimidation as a quick way to win...
Feb 20, 2024•47 min•Ep. 339
Can't do anything wrong? Get away with nonsense? Get extra goodies? Attention? Time? Might sound good but it can get old fast and leave you with very poor self-esteem and a lack of identity. Have a sibling who is the Golden Child? You envied them and now you se them differently? VERY IMPORTANT EPISODE to straighten your thinking about yourself and others who were treated as Golden Children growing up. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Why being the Golden Child is not a great role help to understand t...
Feb 13, 2024•35 min•Ep. 338
Narcissists love it when you run after their approval. You hope to explain yourself and be heard; they hope to explain you away. In this episode are five iron-clad reasons to not even try to please a Hijackal - save your energy, save your time, save your self-esteem. Listen in. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Hijackals want you to please them They make it very difficult to do Why narcissists always need to be right Refusing to remember the truth makes things impossible I'm here to help . Let's talk ...
Feb 06, 2024•35 min•Ep. 337
You want someone--at least one someone--to hear you, see you, believe you. So you share. Sadly, that often turns into oversharing, leaving you a little red-faced. if you fully embarrassed a little later, right? "Why did I do that?" There are good reasons you overshare. Don't beat yourself up for it. Listen in to understand the "whys" and stick around for the "why nots!" so you can make positive changes in what you share and with whom. You can stop oversharing, and still be heard when you talk wi...
Jan 09, 2024•34 min•Ep. 336
Steps to emotional freedom require knowing where the path starts. These five "must-do's" are fundamental to saving your sanity, self-esteem, and self-confidence. When you're in a toxic relationship with a narcissistic Hijackal, it's even MORE critlcal. Know the importance of each of these and how to keep them top of mind. Develop enough strength to follow the "healthier human" path to avoid being sucked down the "Hijackal human" one. YOU CAN!! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: How to not get sucked in...
Jan 02, 2024•31 min•Ep. 335
Oh, how Hijackals love to poke, prod, and provoke you into losing it and reacting, right? And then they like to wind you up further so you'll yell, blame, complain, and meltdown. Crazy-making? Yes, INTENTIONALLY CRAZY-MAKING! Learn ways to not go there, to not react, to not behave like the Hijackal...or the way the Hijackal wants to manipulate you into behaving, How to choose control and calm instead. Yay! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Nasty, manipulate way to make you out to be the abuser - Don't...
Dec 19, 2023•29 min•Ep. 334
Narcissistic Hijackals know what you want. Yet, they withhold giving it to you. They know what you need. Yet, they refuse to fulfill it. They know how to make you happy, but prefer disappointing you. Think deeply about these five "would be good" things narcissists promise but fail to deliver...and, they do it very deliberately. There are real deal-breakers...when you actually see them. Listen in. Don't be fooled by the promises!!! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: 5 good things that Hijackals promise ...
Dec 12, 2023•33 min•Ep. 333
You want to be able to trust a person, right? It's natural. It's healthy. Yet, you cannot trust narcissists or any variation of Hijackal. And, I know you want to. In this episode, hear the many ways you CANNOT trust them, even when you want to. Hear ways you convince yourself you can believe them, and why you must stop. Yep, it's hard sometimes. But, if you trust them, you're diving into crazy-making even further...and, that's never a good thing. Join in. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Trust is a h...
Dec 05, 2023•40 min•Ep. 332
Little by little, nasty, bitter, unfair things start becoming part of the day-to-day with a narcissist. Those Hijackals are relentless in wearing you down and getting their way, right? You might pass it off as another "little thing to avoid" to reduce the abuse. WHAT? You're doing things to reduce the abuse rather than set boundaries and making plans to leave? SEE HOW SNEAKY IT ALL IS? Don't miss these ten main "features" of narcissistic emotional abuse!! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: You can get ...
Nov 28, 2023•42 min•Ep. 331
Some Hijackals are subtle, some are sneaky. All are to keep your relationship in chaos, preferably with you giving in to their whims, demands, and expectations. Most of all, they want to be in charge and in control of all the things. Be informed. See them for what and who they are. They are always wanting to create a fracas, a commotion, an upset, and a mess. When you can see what they're up to, it's easier to see their ploys, tricks, and defaults. Then you an choose your responses in healthier ...
Nov 21, 2023•44 min•Ep. 330
When you're on guard every minute, hypervigilant about the next accusation, you might think I'm suggesting something impossible...maybe even crazy. I'm not. It's important to recognize that you can stay in charge of yourself, no matter what kind of crazy-making the Hijackal or narcissist engages in. Difficult? Yes, but not impossible. Worthwhile? Definitely! Learn this invaluable approach to taking good care of yourself, even though you may be rattled daily by a Hijackal now. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS ...
Nov 14, 2023•33 min•Ep. 329
You may think that it's impossible to be "too nice." It's not. It actually can make things worse...and that's just what it does when you're in a relationship with a narcissistic Hijackal. You do all the giving and then, more is expected, right? Not working! Listen in to recognize the ways being "too nice" works against you. Hijackals LOVE to take advantage of someone who will fall all over themselves to keep the Hijackal happy. Remember, though, the Hijackal is dedicated to never being happy for...
Nov 07, 2023•33 min•Ep. 328
Most people want to believe the stories of others. You want to be able to trust, right? So, you're inclined to be sucked in by plausible stories, excuses, reasons, etc.. Also, you don't want the hassle of their endless denials and turning things on you. Learn how plausibility is the key to turning this into healthier interactions to stop the crazy-making. Listen in and get away. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: plausible = seeming reasonable, probable, or persuasive...or NOT! How a plausible story is...
Oct 31, 2023•41 min•Ep. 327
You're a good person. You want to see the best in folks. You are right ready to help someone excuse their poor behavior, and be understanding. Hijackals count on that! They treat you poorly to see how much you'll put up with. It's often not long into the relationship before they're taking up all the space....and you're gasping for air, dying to be heard. BE CLEAR ABOUT THESE 12 TRAITS. See them. Believe them. Don't expect them to change. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: There are many more than twelv...
Oct 24, 2023•35 min•Ep. 326
Narcissists and other Hijackals are infuriating, frustrating, and crazy-making. You reach the end of your tether and you want to tell them everything that's wrong with them and more. You've likely noticed that nothing good happens when you accuse them of being narcissistic,, point out their flaws, or ask them to change. What's much ore likely to happen is that they explode, spilling their nastiness in every direction. MAXIMUM AGGRESSION. Listen to this episode to understand why and how to stop p...
Oct 17, 2023•31 min•Ep. 325
You want to believe that love can change people, right? So, you give, give, and give in yet nothing really gets better beyond a half minute. You decide to give more until there is little left of you. Nothing changes...except for getting worse. That's because their decision to change has nothing to do with it And, worse...they have no interest in changing to make things better. Listen in to realize the many reasons WHY this is so, and WHY it's so hard to believe people who think and behave in nar...
Oct 03, 2023•32 min•Ep. 324
Male and female children are differently treated--and affected--by having a narcissistic mother. SO many things you may never have thought much about! This episode will help you think in different ways about the long-term effects that having a Hijackal mother could have had on your sense of self, your self-confidence, your resilience...AND on your relationships. Use this episode to help you uncover hidden pieces SO you can turn them around and feel clearer and stronger. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISOD...
Sep 26, 2023•37 min•Ep. 323
Unless they want something badly, narcissists want you to be in emotional chaos. In fact, they want you to feel less than and inadequate. Back-handed and blindsiding, they do their best to keep you off center and uncertain. Learn about toxic shame and how it may be playing out in your inner dialogue and in your relationship with a narcissistic parent and/or partner. See it so you can stop it! HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: What is toxic shame? How is toxic shame different from "normal" shame? How d...
Sep 19, 2023•31 min•Ep. 322
New! Your questions are the focus for this episode. Narcissistic or not so much? What are you wondering about? Recognizing the patterns, traits and cycles that ARE narcissistic is wise...AND so is discerning what is NOT narcissistic. Ask your questions in the chat and I'll answer them as clearly as I can. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Questions from audience about narcissistic traits Are alcoholics likely to be narcissistic? Do narcissists often have alcoholic tendencies? What about a nitpicky bos...
Sep 12, 2023•32 min•Ep. 321
TRIANGULATION. See It. Say No, Step Away,. Understanding what triangulation really is allows you to see it more clearly and step away more readily. Get the inside scoop on this in your life. Once you see it, you can do something about it. You'll feel SO much better when you do. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: What triangulation is Why narcissistic people use triangulation How to recognize the abuse of triangulation How to step away, and say NO more often Taking back your power in small ways from a n...
Aug 29, 2023•41 min•Ep. 320
Narcissists HATE to hear "NO!" You don't want to be a pretzel or a doormat, so you NEED to say NO when you mean it. Overtime, a Hijackal® may wear you down and try to get what they want by any means. How do you make NO mean NO...and make it stick? You already know how little a Hijackal® wants to be denied. A "NO" means that to them and they don't take it happily...or lying down. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Understand what a "NO" signals to a Hijackal Why narcissists hate haring "NO" What you can...
Aug 22, 2023•29 min•Ep. 319
It's all rosy, dreamy, and forever in the beginning...until it's not! You try and try to recapture interest, regain emotional intimacy, and re-examine every inch of your mental, physical, emotional self, and still the connection is intermittent. That's because narcissists--all Hijackals--create situationships NOT relationships. You NEED the clarity of this distinction to really accept the realities of a Hijackal relationship. It helps a lot! Calibrate if you're settling for a situationship. Grea...
Aug 15, 2023•37 min•Ep. 318
Having a Hijackal adult child is confusing, infuriating, disappointing, and frustrating among many other things. (And, it's worse when your child creates children!) What you DON'T do is as important as what you do. Listen to this episode to hear 21 things to think about right away. If you can refrain from doing these 21 things, you'll be empowered and no longer feel like a hostage to the Hijackal's bad behavior. HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE: Why learning to say no to a Hijackal is absolutely essen...
Aug 08, 2023•37 min•Ep. 317
You may not think about it like that, AND, it's true. Narcissists ARE Revenge-Seekers. Whether the revenge is subtle or obvious, small or huge, it's still revenge. Once you see what I mean, you'll see it clearly in your relationship...and, I hope you won't un-see it! It's nasty. Revenge is the action of inflicting hurt or harm on someone for an injury or wrong you think they caused you. Hijackals® sometimes don't wait for you to do anything at all. There's just blame you anyway. Familiar? Yes, s...
Aug 01, 2023•27 min•Ep. 316
You can get terrible stuck--for a very long time--by buying into a partner's potential. You can see how it could be, so you hope it will be. There's the mistake. See the differences today so you can make healthier decisions right away. Open your mind to the idea that you keep buying into promises that never materialize. Is that possible? When you step back and look at the patterns, it's often the case when dealing with Hijackals®, or other narcissistic people. They'll tell you anything to get yo...
Jul 25, 2023•35 min•Ep. 315
It's confusing. You see what you think are loving behaviors. Then, you start wondering, but give a narcissist the benefit of the doubt. Then, you're in a pattern where things have gone lop-sided, pear-shaped, and somewhat south before you realized that you've confused being used for being loved. SO IMPORTANT TO SEE THE DIFFERENCE! Listen in. You SO want to believe it is love. I understand that, however, you also don't want to be taken in by someone who never intends to love you in any meaningful...
Jul 18, 2023•34 min•Ep. 314
