Recovery Radio KMP3,000. Ah, yes. You are listening to the recovery radio podcast on KMP3. I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and I will be your host. You can email me at sarcasticbiningbook@gmail. You can follow me on Instagram at sarcastic. Aa.book. As always, so glad you're here with me. I don't know if your day is just getting started or it's just winding down or it's somewhere right smack dab in the middle, but here we are. together. You and me. And I am grateful for it.
Grateful. I have no desire to drink today. That is a miracle. I can't tell you how many times I remember dying to have my next dream. Just dying. Just dying inside. Just needing it. Always needing to know where the next one is going to come from. making it very clear to everyone in my life if I did not have a drink there was going to be trouble. It was going to be a problem. It was going to be a problem for you and it was going to be a problem for me. And I lived that way.
And I tried with all of my intelligence, all of my willpower to stop all the self-nowledge I had. I was homeless. I was penniless. I was unemployable. My family had left. I had died. Tons of trouble with the law. Not enough. Not enough, man. So simple to take that for granted. So simple to take that for granted. I don't today. As best I can, I don't. I have my piping hot cup of Trader Joe's coffee here with me. French roast.
Although I have to say, we had some Colombian coffee the other day and it was it scratched me right where I itch. But I'm really still on the French roast jam right now. I have to tell you, I am in I don't know if I could be in a better mood. I don't This is like the best a person can feel while dressed. It's just I'm just in such a good mood. I'm so excited about life, about everything, about so many things.
There's not enough hours in the day. All the things I want to do, all the people I want to talk to, all the things I want to create, the music I want to make, the the memes, the books, all of it. I'm just so I'm just on fire for life. It's the happiest I've ever been. I have relationships today that are just mind-blowing. I have relationships in my life that are so mind. They're blowing my mind. Crazy. It's a good feeling when you love people. It's an amazing feeling when you love people.
It feels infinitely better than feeling loved, as good as that feels as well. But it's just the feeling of empathy and compassion and love and concern and interest in the well-being of other people is just the best feeling in the world. It's the best feeling I've ever known. Yeah, man. There's times I see it clearer than other times. This is one of those times I just I'm so honed in on the fact that I'm just nothing special at all.
I if I stay on this trajectory a year from now if I were to listen to today's podcast it would annoy me because I would hear selfishness in it that I couldn't hear at the time. I'm just always wanting to grow, be better, do better, listen better. I've just always wanted to do that. I really sincerely want to do that. I was in a meeting and I didn't agree with what was being shared and I got really judgmental in my thoughts.
you know, this isn't in the big book or this is, you know, some nonsense and some arrogant entitled um just arrogance, entitlement. Then I was like, you know what? Who are you? Who are you to judge anyone for anything? I start talking to myself. Who are you, Mr. Holier than thou really? You know what people need to hear. You know what's right and what's wrong. Who the hell do you think you are? You're alive because of grace and you're not God. Quite far from it.
You don't know what the hell anyone needs. Well, you know one thing, they don't need one more person sitting there looking down at people. I mean, get real. First of all, I started thinking of all the things that helped me over the years that if I heard them today, I would be like, "Yeah, that's not in the book." So, shut up. The arrogance that I could have just boggles the mind. I I It's just Please And fortunately, it was a that conversation that I started to have
with myself really helped. And it's kind of like just being acquainted with reality in a way where it's like in re you want to Hey, you're looking down at people. Do you want to Hi, reality's here. Can reality come in for a second? Can you just sit down with reality for a second? Because the reality is you're not in a position to judge. You're not in a
position to look down. You're not in a position to tell yourself you know what's best for a meeting, how it should go, how people should work the steps, how they shouldn't work the steps, who's sincere, who's not, who's going to get sober, who's not going to get sober. Shut up. You drank your ass into the ground, stumbled into the key, stumbled upon the key of life itself. Not because you're a good person, not because you were smart or sexy or bitching. because of grace. So, shut up,
I told myself. Shut up. Then I just thought, you know what? I'm just going to sit here in this meeting. I'm thinking about God. Listen, just listen. There's such a treasure at every meeting. The whole story is told about everything in life in any given moment. The story isn't being told five minutes from now or a year from now or a week from now. It's being told right now. Right now, you're in a meeting. Listen. Find the treasure. Treasure is the moment. That's where God is.
So grateful to get the feedback from the last episode on what does the big book say. It's been all very positive and people are excited and uh feels good to put it out there. I'm going to have Dave come back when we get to step four, which is a there's a lot to go over and there's lots there's a lot there that um is definitely worth talking about. Pivotal moments, tools to use, all kinds of stuff. It's not just an inventory as we see when we go right through the
big book. But so grateful to have him to help me make sense of things. He has a lot of insight, a lot of experience. More than anything, he lives this stuff in his daily life. So what he says is golden to me because I watch it. I watch his feet and he's not full of it. It's very inspiring. So before I get into today's topic, I just want to say I just I just feel very moved to say that um again, even though I've said it, this isn't I'm not an expert. Dave is not an
expert. We're not gurus, nothing special. We're very blessed, very fortunate ex-pros drinkers who have found a solution, who are living in a a life beyond their wildest dreams, who are moved to help and share, experience, strength, and hope in any way that we can, and that's it. So, I'm sure that very often it sounds like there's more to it than that in our minds or in my mind. I'll just speak for myself, but I just I'm super clear on the fact that I am nothing without God. Nothing.
And am in no position to judge anyone or anything. Zero exception to that. So, I'm trying to do better. I'm trying to grow. trying to learn and um yeah today I will continue with what does the big book say and today talk about what the big book says about step two in my understanding one of the guys who used to go to the original study used to say some of the steps are not really steps their statements and at the time I didn't really understand that completely as I feel I understand it today.
Originally there were six steps. There were six steps that the founders did. I'll read them to you. Let me get my glasses. They're lightning bolt glasses. Something my agent wants me to wear. They're also not reading glasses. They're just dark sunglasses. So now I can't find at all what I'm looking for. Um, okay. It's not going to be in there. All right. Isn't this good? Isn't this good podcast listening? What are you listening to? What are you listening to, sweetie? Oh,
I'm listening to this guy. He's looking for a page. He hasn't found it yet. It's really entertaining. It's really good. I can hear pages flipping. He's He must be searching for it. It's really excellent radio. Okay. The original six steps went a little something like this. there in a story in the back of the book called He Sold Himself Short. And in the third edition, it's on page 292. And it says step one, complete deflation. That's it. Complete deflation. That's step one. Not complicated.
Personal and subjective. Complete deflation. Two, dependence and guidance from a higher power. Three, moral inventory. Four, confession. Five, restitution. Six, continued work with other alcoholics. That's what the founders did. very unfussy. So this gentleman, his name was Rick. He's still sober. He's sober for like 45 years or something. He used to say, you know, there's steps that are really statements rather than
steps. And if you're looking at the big book as if uh it is a recipe to make something, um step one and step two are really a gathering of ingredients more than actual steps. They're kind of a gathering of of ingredients. Step two is an ongoing thing in a way as implied in the chapter that deals with step two. We agnostics. So I'll start by just keeping this super super simple. This is what the consensus came to. Oh, these are the consensus that we these are the consenses.
The consensi is that the plural um that the group always came to uh after studying step two and there's two things. One again just like step one there's no clear-cut directions in the big book for step two. there's no way to tell someone how to arrive at this place. So they in the chapter we agnostics which deals with step two they talk about all these stumbling blocks people have with the idea of God and there's so profound things in there. One of them is which my friend Dave is
very fond of talking about. It says deep down in every man, woman and child is the fundamental idea of God. It's in everyone. It's right there. maybe obscured by worldly clamor and basically it's hidden by self and all kinds of things like that. But it's there deep down inside of all of us. It's there. And it says we had to ask ourselves one question. Do we now believe or are we willing to believe there's a power greater than ourselves?
And it says as soon as someone can say they do believe or are even willing to believe that is enough. That's the cornerstone. As we go through the steps, we're building a spiritual structure. We're building this arch through which we pass free of the desire to drink or use. It's pretty incredible and free of a bunch of other stuff, too. But keeping it simple, that's the purpose of the arch. That's what we're free from. We can go anywhere. We can do anything. We can go be a musician. We can go to
weddings. We can go to whoopee parties. We can go to bars. We can go We could be around alcohol eventually. Go anywhere in this world. Any free person can go. So, we're going to build a spiritual arch. And step two is the first stone. It's the cornerstone and I'll read it. It is on page hold on here. I'm doing it again. You love that. Okay. Page 47. Right in the middle. We needed to ask ourselves but one short question.
Do I now believe or am I even willing to believe that there's a power greater than myself? Soon as a man can say that he does believe or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him he is on his way. It is repeatedly, it has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone, a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built. Cornerstone is the first stone laid in construction. So it's important because everything is built in relation to it.
But that's that's the requirement of step two in the big book in terms of building this spiritual structure. That's what's needed. As soon as somebody could say they're willing to believe, think about how, you know, it says also in there that the realm of God in their experience is broad and roomy. It's never inclusive or forbidding to anyone who earnestly seeks. It's open to everyone. Just imagine broad and roomy what that means. It's like, come on in. There's plenty of room in
here. The entryway is wide. Come on in. It's not narrow. You don't have to get through a doggy door to get here. You don't have to do somersaults or going backwards or write a bunch of stuff or whatever. If you're willing to believe there's a power greater than you, that's enough. That's an incredible That's incredible. And in the big book, that's enough. You're laying down the cornerstone to this spiritual structure. As soon as you can say, "I'm willing to believe.
There's nothing more required. You're not you're not you don't have to believe. I mean, this is how this is how open it is. This is how inclusive it is. You don't have to believe." In a way, how could you sometimes? I mean, you haven't. I don't know. Some people believe very strongly, but some people don't and couldn't and for whatever reason. And but how open and inviting is that? As soon as somebody can say they are willing to believe that is enough to get your ass up to step three
in the big book. There is no writing assignment for step two. It's not there. If you do that and it helps you, that's wonderful. I'm just saying it is not in the big book. So I wouldn't say I'm going right out of the big book because that's not right out of the big book. Right out of the big book is are you willing to believe there's a power greater than yourself? Then go to step three. So that's one thing I wanted to say. Keep it super simple because it's super simple.
The other thing is I want to talk about step two. What it says came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. because there's certainly a lot there. And part of the reason the untangling of all this was so important to me is because the more untangled it is from the get-go, the more sense it makes as it goes along. The more tangled up as it is at the beginning, the less sense it makes as it goes along.
For example, if I am told I'm always going to be insane, what the hell is step two? Came to believe a power greater than myself will never restore me to sanity is what it should say. But it says, "Came to believe a power greater than ourselves would restore us to sanity." We looked up the word restore. We talked about restore. We looked up In this exhaustive study, we went over this for months. The big book says we become alcoholics in the not there's stories in the back that say otherwise.
But again, going back to the first episode of this, we studied the first 164 pages for some very compelling reasons. But according to the uh everything up to page 103 where the clear-cut directions stop concerning the program of action laid out in the book for the alcoholic who wants to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. They say we become alcoholics at some stage in our drinking. We become alcoholics. We cross a line.
In other words, at some point in our life, according to the big book's definition of insanity, we were sane because they're not talking about character defects. They're not talking about fear, not feeling like you fit in. They're not talking about your shortcomings. I'm not talking about your selfishness. They say in the big book, we feel we probably could have stopped on our own at some point, but we just didn't want to.
And they talk about that. That's very important because that's why they use the word restore. I invite you to read it. Read about it. Read about read there as a solution and more about alcoholism. They talk about this. So came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore. So first of all came to believe doesn't it's very different than I believe. We we came to believe and again the direction in the book is just are you willing are you open to the idea.
So came to believe that a power greater than herself could restore us to sanity. So the other thing I want to talk about is what they mean by sanity. One of the things we spent a lot of time on is this insanity. Sanity sely. Sely sane. Insane. We looked every reference to these words up in the first 164 pages, read them in their context, dis discussed them in big groups and we came to a consensus and the consensus is this. The big book talks about two different types of
insanity. One, it talks about permanent insanity, wet brain. It references that several times, but you can put that aside because that's not what they're referring to in step two. Overwhelmingly, what they're talking about is their own unique definition of insanity. It's unique. It is not simply doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. a form of this insanity has nothing two forms of this insanity has nothing to do
with this. It's not that they say whatever the precise definition of the word may be. We call it plain insanity and they talk about our thinking and this is the important part as it relates to the first drink and that's it. And they say it is one or more of these three things. This is how it is described. One, the thought of I'm going to drink again. I know it's going to happen and I don't care. The founders said, "We don't know what to call that, so we're just going to
call it insane." Because with you where you're at, your family terrified, your job in jeopardy, your health flailing, for you to decide to drink is insane. We don't know what else to call it. Don't look up the definition of insane. It's not what we're talking about. However intelligent we may have been in other respects, where alcohol is concerned, we have been strangely insane. End quote. There it was. The insidious insanity.
that first drink, the insanity of the first drink, the insanity of alcohol. So, that's one. Two is this time it's going to be different. I I This time I'm going to control it. Drink at a different time. Drink a different thing. Drink it at a different location. Drink it with different people. Only have a couple. Only have five. Only have 10. And the founders say whatever the precise definition of this is in light of your circumstances that's insane. We
don't know. We don't know. We do not know what else to call it. The third thing is no thought at all. It's 6:00. No thought of drinking. I'm going to a place I've gone sober for years and never thought of drinking. 601 I'm buying alcohol. The subtle insanity that first drink. So in the big book, the consensus that we reached repeatedly for throughout the course of this entire study is that when the big book talks about insanity, it is not talking about your character
defects. It's not talking about your selfishness. It's not talking about your fears. It's not talking about you not fitting in. It's not talking about you being lazy, procrastination. It's not talking about you not wanting to go to meetings. It's not talking about you being in terrible relationships that are awful for you. It's talking about the three things I just mentioned. And that's it. That's what it's talking about.
So keeping that in mind came to believe a power greater than oursel could restore us to sanity is very different. According to the big book, we are restored to sanity and after we are restored to sanity continue to have resentments and fears and character defects and selfishness. After we are restored to sanity, we continue to suffer from our al alcoholism and we'll get to that. But the idea of being restored to sanity, meaning that you don't have character defects anymore, is not what
we arrived at. It's not related to that at all. They're talking about the main problem of the alcoholic. The insanity of the first drink, the idea that I'm I can drink again or the idea that it'll be different or the idea that I don't care or no thought at all, I just drink again. The powerlessness over alcohol that we have gets solved. That's why the big book says the problem gets removed. The problem gets solved. The problem is disappeared. We are restored to sanity.
That's why it says we are relieved of our alcoholism. That's why it says we have recovered. According to the big book in our study, the consensus was a recovered alcoholic. Could be somebody super spiritually fit, obvious to all, with no desire to drink. And they can be somebody who's not super spiritually fit, obvious to all, but in a place where they have no desire to drink today. In other words, we had arrived at it's not related. And if this all seems tangled up and confused, stay with me.
It gets clearer and clearer in my experience as the study goes on. So to recap and to summarize in a really simple way, step two, there's no writing instructions in the big book about step two. It's not there. Step two says, "As soon as a person can say they're willing to believe, that's enough for a wonderfully effective spiritual structure to begin to be built for that is the cornerstone."
When they say, "Came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity," they might as well have said, "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could solve the main problem of the alcoholic, could take away my desire to drink a day at a time permanently." came to believe a power gra theirselves could place me in a position of neutrality concerning alcohol where I feel safe and protected and I'm not interested. I recoil from it as from a hot flame.
And there's a lot of reasons that was important for me in my own sobriety to learn and understand these things. One is it makes a big difference in terms of articulating things in a way that says that the program works. You do get restored to sanity. What has happened with the insanity is just it's the poor big book doesn't stand a chance anymore really because it's so it's not understood. What I'm saying right now is not the common understanding in my experience anywhere.
People have been told that they're crazy. They're always going to be crazy. That might be true, but that's not related to step two. Mike used to always say, "If you throw your mom down the stairs, but you don't have a desire to drink, according to the big book, you are completely sane." Because they're not talking about anything else. I was thinking about it cuz I was thinking about the other day. I was thinking about um why it has why the message has become so garbled
and twisted. And I was thinking about part of that and I was thinking about how first of all I couldn't not I'm an excellent reader. I'm really good reader now, but I never was. I had no I couldn't read at all when I got sober. I was a terrible reader when I got sober. Terrible. Zero comprehension skills. Zero. Ask me to read a sentence. Blah blah blah blah blah. Read it slow. Blah blah blah. Read it
fast. blah blah blah blah blah no comprehension skills didn't know what I was reading and I think that's extremely common I mean I've worked with a lot of people by the grace of God and I've asked a lot of questions I've read things with people and ask them what it means and it's very common to do the following to read a sentence apply it however you want to in any context you want to and run with it say this is what it means because I didn't understand the first
sentence or the second sentence or I simply read one sentence that I really relate to and so that's just kind of I'm going to put that in context. I want to put it in and that'll be the end of it.
I think a lot of that has happened and a lot of that has happened and then been passed on and I can say that now because I'm an excellent reader as I said now I learned to read an alcoholics anonymous you know turns out I'm a nerd deans list honor student all that crazy stuff for somebody who used to light his desk on fire and throw it out of a window. So, I think that's part of how it came to be. So mocked up. Now I know what long dashes mean in sentences,
why you put commas in certain places. I really have good comprehension skills. I can read things in their context. And um according to the big book, they're not talking about Einstein's insanity. They're not talking about that. They're talking about a very unique definition which applies to the thought that precedes the first drink or lack thereof. And that's it. So we do get restored to sanity. We do recover. We do get relieved of our alcoholism and the problem does get removed.
All of that is spoken about in a way that is interchangeable. All of it means the same thing which is we do get restored to sanity. Page 84 and 85 they describe that. We'll get to that. We'll talk about that and this what I have brought up this morning much more. Last thing I want to say about it is about the writing about a higher power which I have friends who have done this and it's helped them and that's
wonderful. I'm not knocking it. I'm just saying it's not in the big book and I think the reason it is not in the big book is because this is just personal. You could take this or leave this. Well, you take all this or leave it out. I don't even need to say that. Who the hell do I think I am? If I were to write about my higher power when I was on step two, I would be writing about something I've never experienced because I would still be blocked.
So whatever I wrote about my higher power, no matter how incredible it was, no matter how enormous and beautiful and loving and all of it was, it would still be written from a state of consciousness that is limited compared to what it will be once I am unblocked through the process of steps three through nine. So to me, if I'm writing about God in step two, I'm limiting God because I'm saying I'm writing about it from my current mentality, which is going to change.
And God's so much, oh my gosh, my experience is that God is just so much better than we make it sound. So, if you want to jump ahead on a podcast greater than yourself, I do. I go over step three the same way I'm going to go over it on this podcast. You want to sit tight and wait for that. And then after that, I will bring Dave back. We'll get into step four. So, please feel free free to write sarcastic bigbook@gmail. Um, message me on Instagram sarcastic.a.book.
Go to my website sarcasticbigbook.com. I want to give a shout out to HappyJoy3 on the East Coast. All those East Coasters over there. Hi Sarah. Hi McKenzie. Want to give a shout out to a podcast greater than yourself. So gratitudes podcast the black rhinos international big book study. Want to say hello to Chelsea. I want to say if anyone who needs to hear this I will say that everything is okay. I know that everything's okay. Don't yell butt me. I know it.
Everything's okay. So, while I was recording this, I got so many messages from my agent. I have a new agent. His name is Thaad and uh he really wants me to redo the pumpkin shoot and uh the broken pumpkins on Instagram, but the story is it's a little vulgar. It's a little vulgar. I did break the pumpkin. So, I'm in this sober boys of summer. I'm a sober boys of summer uh AA model in this calendar. Silver Boys this summer and um I'm Mr. October because that's what my AA birthday is.
And there was a scene that they had me, you know, doing they took pictures of um where I was just there with a pumpkin and that's it. I was just sitting there with a pumpkin and nothing else. And I broke the pumpkin. And you know, kids listen to the show, so I'm not going to tell you how I broke it, but we needed we need to reshoot it today is the bottom line. And then he got mad at me because Thad's like, "You can't use I can't believe it's not butter when we grease
you up." Like, we got to use the real thing. Like, you're the real thing. We got to use the real thing. you know, unless you want to start calling yourself, I can't believe it's not Beachbot. And I was like, no, no, no. I don't want to do that. I I really entertain myself. All right, I'm going to go try to make this day so rad. I'm going to go try to make this day so
awesome. My life was saved. So on that note, I am going to go try to live a life that was worth saving and I hope you'll do the same. Can I D. Hey. Hey.