Building Your Dream Lifestyle (It's Harder Than You Think)

Hey, I am Chris Cooper. This is Run A Profitable Jim . And today we're talking about what happens when as an entrepreneur, you build a team , you're a little bit successful, maybe you've even got some profit, but you still get distracted all the time. You're still looking at your phone all night, you can't stop thinking about your business.

Thank you.

And we're gonna talk about transferring , uh, to success, like evolving as an entrepreneur to the point where you actually create a lifestyle that you want when it might actually be more challenging to do so than people think. So Ashley, let's, let's start with this.

. Yeah .

That Why isn't that the case with most entrepreneurs once they reach a little bit of success?

That's such a good question, and one that is really important to answer because I think as we become more and more successful, it's easier to get further and further away from it. And so asking this question in the beginning of your entrepreneurship journey and as your business scales and, and really defining what lifestyle means to you, because this is an individual answer, is super important.

So if we, if we start with that, so, you know , at the beginning of your entrepreneurial journey, I mean, I was just like, please God, let me pay the rent this month. Right? How do you, how do you start thinking about like, what I eventually want out of a lifestyle?

You have to be very intentional with it. It can't, it's never going to happen if you just haphazardly plan for it, or you don't take time and intention with defining your own personal lifestyle. So, you know, this, this is a great time of year. We're at the end of a year and we're planning our businesses for 2024.

That's interesting because, you know, when I started my gym, I was like, well, I'm living my dream. My dream is to open a gym, and now here I am, like perfect day, every day , day . But then you quickly realize that, that, you know, owning the gym or being an entrepreneur comes at the expense of other things.

That's tough. I don't think they exist. I think that life is in seasons and segments , and it's impossible to balance it all in any particular season or segment because some are gonna require, you know, more of you in your business staff changes, you know, you lose clients, whatever may be going on. And that requires you to dip back into your gym or , um, and so that's gonna feel a little out of balance, right?

What do you mean specifically by seasons and segments?

Yeah, so this is, seasons are longer periods of time, right? Three months, four months, whatever. Like we, we traditionally think of it as fall, winter, spring segments are moments that are shorter. And so those can last a couple of weeks or a week, right? I, I've been sick this week , and so that's not my whole life. That's not even a season. That's a segment in this week .

What season of life would you say that you're in right now?

Oh , I am in a season in which I am learning how to, how to articulate, how to help others really get the lifestyle they wanted or they want, because I , I did this thing, like I have a lifestyle that I love and it keeps expanding and growing, and my businesses keep expanding and growing. And it's not, it's not by chance that any of this happened.

That's interesting. And I wanna dig into that because a lot of people associate their dream lifestyle with this carefree, don't need to plan. I wake up when I'm ready and I, you know, I sleep when I'm tired, I exercise, whatever, and we're gonna come back to that. But first, like, let's talk about what we mean by lifestyle, because not everybody's kind of perfect day is the same, right?

Yeah. Yeah . And I think there's a , a big miscon intrusion with thinking lifestyle is just more vacations. Lifestyle is not more vacations. It can be, I mean, I'm the first to admit we, we go on some great vacations, but that's not my lifestyle because I want my lifestyle to be my day in and day out, not just, you know, a week that I got away from everything.

Can you walk us through how you formulate that plan ?

Yeah. So for me personally, I , uh, I plan every single week with a lot of intention. And I was lucky enough to see Todd Herman speak in 2020, and this is one of the things that I walked away the most with, and this comes from him, is that Sunday there's about an hour spent looking at what this week is gonna look like. And so I use a planner, I'm a, I'm a write it down pen and paper person.

Yeah. It's funny. That's of course is today's date. And I'm like, why'd you pick that weird date? You know, . So that , so that's interesting.

Yeah. So, you know, years ago, coop , you , you asked me this question and, and it was really hard for me to answer this because we open gyms a lot of times we see a problem that needs to be solved , right? We wanna make other people healthy, we wanna make them as happy as we are. And , um, we get lost in the sauce of what that actually really turns out looking like.

So you , you have to map out each one. And what was the process of mapping this out? Did you just sit down and think like, what would my perfect day be? Or, you know, did you have to do some reps of trying different things to figure it out?

It's definitely trial and error. Mm-Hmm . , right? Each family, each it's relationship. Each, each person is different. And it's trial and error of what works best for you and the people and the businesses that are surrounding you. So there's no one great answer. I think the , the best thing to do is revisit it often. You can't know what you want without knowing what you don't want. Right?

When you're, when you're figuring this out, like how much does your partner figure into the process? Like, are you saying, Hey, Cara , let's de design our perfect day together? Or is it more like, well, this is what I want it to be, and then they have like their own perfect day and you guys try to integrate it together, or you , you just ships in the night, or like, how's how that work?

Yeah, so being an, so being an entrepreneur, right? Yeah. And then having someone in your life that's not an entrepreneur, that , that's, that's, mm-hmm . Very typical and, and hard waters to navigate. And we were terrible at it in the beginning because I would have these, you know, big dreams and, and things like that. And, and for fair enough, like she's a firefighter, so it's put water on the fire, right?

How do you start that conversation with your spouse?

You have to recognize the differences in each other and how each other operate, and then have an openness to change. Not, not everything is, it , it , it's , I mean, it's , it's partnership, not, it's not a one way street. And it's, it's a lot of, it's a lot of talking, a lot of talking and a lot of being open knowing that the other person has your best interest at heart.

Okay. So that's how you define your perfect day. What are some of the other obstacles that entrepreneurs face? I , I know like , I got this really bad habit of things are going well, just dig into my business a little bit and , uh, wreck something, you know, swing a sledgehammer, break it, because then I can fix it and I can feel really important because I'm the only one that can fix it. Right?

I think it's , um, there's different ones at different parts of the entrepreneurial journey, and I can just speak for myself, but I've heard this from other ones too. In the beginning, when you reach a little bit of success, you're afraid to share it. So, hey, you know what? I've been working and I, I saved up and I earned this Hawaii vacation and I'm gonna be gone for two weeks.

Where do you think this guilt comes from? I, I didn't think of it until you said it, but I can totally resonate with that. Like, you , you , you're checking in with your staff five times while you're on vacation because you want them to know you're not having any fun . Right ? You like, you feel guilty about it. Where's that from? Yeah.

I think it's, it comes from assuming you are assuming that they're upset, that they're gone with, that you're gone and you know, you are not working and they're working, or you're assuming you know that maybe your members are upset with you because you've gone on this amazing vacation. I think that's where the first place where you have to stop. Then the second place is you have a conversation.

So that's interesting. And would you say that's part of your dream lifestyle helping them? Or are you helping them because only because it's part of their dream lifestyle?

I hope it's both . Yeah. I hope that I'm building something that allows others to be abundantly happy in all the ways they want. I mean, that's, that's a little selfish, but like, I think that's pretty cool to do in life, and that I want them walking around just that happy.

That's pretty cool. I , and you know, to be honest, Ashley , you're the expert here, but if we asked any of the mentors on the two brain team, why are you a mentor? I think they give a very similar answer. It's just part of their perfect day to be of service and feel like they're helping other people. So, super cool. Well let , let's talk about some case studies here.

Yeah, so the first thing we have to fix is, you know, that very beginning stages of, let's get you back just a little bit. Let's remember just a little bit of why we started this thing. Like we decided probably we didn't wanna work for the man, but what did we want also in that Mm-Hmm .

Wow. Okay. So that's, that's one thing they have to do is like, set up a possibly a bigger dream or, or just even clarify the dream they have. I , I remember you telling me one time, like, the first step that you don't wanna overlook is that the business has to be doing well for the owner to be able to take the time off they want, earn the money they want, et cetera, right ?

Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's funny though, 'cause you need to, you know, really step one is figuring out what you want. Step two then is reverse engineering the business to make sure it can support that.

Yeah.

Right. Because we can get stuck in like, yeah, the business is killing it and I'm just still killing it over and over again, but what am I doing it for? Right? So it's, it's making sure that those go in order for sure.

Yeah. I , I think that's, that's the thing a lot of us lose sight of is that we, we start the business and at first, like we exist in service of the business, but ideally the, the point is that the business exists to serve us and, and build this lifestyle. Okay. So Ashley , can you give us a couple of examples here?

Yeah. One that recently comes up is that she wanted to go back to her home country for a couple of months during what is their traditional holiday season and say part of what we had to do, you know, that was the goal, right? And it's, it's a big one.

Okay. So that was the first step. And then I'm sure that there was some, like still some lingering fears or emotional hurdles to overcome when it was time to actually get on the plane, right?

Yeah. You know, we, we all, we set ourselves up and I don't think it's necessarily high intention , but our business generally runs on us, our face, our, you know, our demeanor, our, and, and when we leave that thing, I mean, it's a baby of its own. Yeah. There's some fear that it's not going to be okay without us.

Okay. So how do , how do you get over that? Because honestly, I , I think a lot of gym owners, the first time they take a, a vacation, they're down in Mexico or whatever, you know, they're looking at their phone like, oh, what's going on at the gym? And, you know, whoever they're there with is getting angry. Like, come on, can't you just shut it off? Can't you shut your brain off? You just relax.

Practice,

Practice,

Underst practice. Right. Makes sense. You, you have to allow the situations to happen, right? The things, the slack messages, the whatnot, and give your team, give the moment the ability to work through it. Not everything that happens needs an answer right away. So practicing being slow to answering those messages or, you know, I , Hey guys, I'm gonna hop on every day , uh, between two and three o'clock and handle stuff.

Okay. That's interesting. So if somebody doesn't have a lot of self-discipline about this, right? Asking for a friend and they, they've always got their phone on them , and as soon as Slack buzzes, maybe it shows up on their watch or you know, it vibrates in their pocket or whatever, and they're like, Ugh , the team needs me. I gotta get this. How do you start building resistance to that?

It's like anything else, right? When you, you know, if you have a , an addiction to something. 'cause it's, it's truly an addiction. There's some, some studies that , um, have been done. There's a particular great podcast between Huberman and he talks about the small dopamine hit we get every time we, we see one of those things or, and so we wanna remove that from it. So, you know, turn those notifications off.

Cool. Who would you say if your clients has like kind of the , the coolest lifestyle, the dream lifestyle that a lot of other entrepreneurs would want?

Oh my goodness. That's a tough question. I've got some fun ones where, you know, I've got some, some pilots that are, you know, completing dreams like that, traveling for a couple months at a time. One of my favorite all-time clients was able to adopt , um, and wow . Lead her business for two months to go, you know, and her business ran just fine and she came home and, and brought a brand new family member.

Okay. So, you know, to flip back to gym owners, what , what's realistic here? I mean, a lot of our friends would say, oh, you've already got a dream lifestyle. You work in a gym, you wear sweatpants all day, you probably work out like four hours a day. You know, , you , you probably love it when nobody's there. So you can go flex in the mirror.

Speaking from like personal total experience? Yeah , I mean, it, it, it can do anything you want it to do, but you have to allow it to have , and you also have to set out what it is you want. So, you know, for me , um, we take two giant vacations a year. I don't work in my gym as far as, you know, coaching and, and things like that. But that's what I personally wanted.

Today you want that

. But I think it's, I think it's, you know what most important is don't, don't set a limit on it and don't judge other people for what they want out of their particular gym.

So, so that's interesting because, you know, this week we're talking about Millionaire Gym, owner of the new book and there are some people who are just repelled by the idea of even making money. But the point of the book is that what you're really making is wealth. And one of the things that wealth creates for you is time freedom. Actually . How long did you own your gym before just being in the gym?

I would say I owned it for before. It was no longer the dream.

Well, I mean, you still love owning your gym. I know. Yeah . Just like I do. But you know, I kind of reached this point, you know, maybe a couple years in where it's like, okay, , I'm here six till nine, 6:00 AM till 9:00 PM you know, maybe Sundays off would be okay. Something like that.

Yeah. I was probably three years in Wow . Where, you know, I, I recognized that my kids were saying things to me. I would pick them up after school, they would go to the gym after school every day. They would, you know, and it was great. It's a great way for kids to watch parents , um, or anybody, you know, out . They were in a great environment. They're building forts in the backyard.

Is the family dinner in your, your perfect day lifestyle now?

Yeah, absolutely. It's funny, our boys are older, so we, we do breakfasts and things like that. 'cause you know, everybody's a little crazy now. But , but yeah, that was a big, you know, I was taking them through, legit, I was taking them through Taco Bell at nine o'clock at night and I was like, what am I doing? What doing ? Yeah.

It's funny where that dark night of the soul hits you, right? Like, you just lightning bowl , like, wait a minute. Uh , Chalupa's at nine , uh, . So Ashley , like, you and I have both been through this.

So step one , talk to somebody that's been through it Yeah. And has walked the walk, the , the really and truly, like the exact walk that you are walking and be unafraid to listen to what they're saying. Be inspired by that because that can, by you speed into getting out of that situation quicker than it took you or I to get out of it. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. So you , you talk to somebody then what?

Then you have to be diligent in taking the action that is, that is per , you know, that's worked for them really and truly. But here's the, here's where it's, I'm gonna go off a little bit different than what, you know, we typically say is you have to take care of yourself too. Hmm . So take the action, do the steps.

Makes

Sense. And I, I never used to differentiate between that. I just thought it was like, do the steps, do the steps, do the steps. But part of the steps are, am I Okay.

Okay. Well, I, I definitely wanna dig into that a little bit more, but I can remember years ago, you know, I own a CrossFit gym. Well, would you ever go to another gym to work out ? Are you crazy? There's no way. I would never even do that. Or think about it or talk about it.

Yeah. Yeah . I mean, whatever it takes for you, it , it , there's no judgment in it. Every, everybody is allowed to do the thing within reason that , that makes them , uh, function and be as great as they possibly can be for all the reasons that they set out to be. Yeah.

I I , I don't think we should be feeling guilty about that. Like, at all. I , like, we probably practice what we preach, and I think a lot of people are just like scared, but they're also scared of the effect that doing that would have if somebody saw that . Right. They're afraid to get caught. So let's talk about that.

They um, yeah, they should, they should handle it by, they have to be comfortable with it themselves. Right? So, so, you know, gosh, Ashley thought back 10 years ago. Okay . You know , if I had a hundred members and I charged a hundred dollars a month, like, I'm gonna be killing it that's 10,000 . Yeah . And then , uh, you know, and that is, that's a lot of money.

And that's, you know, one thing that a lot of Jim orders have to understand about wealth is you don't become wealthy by taking from other people. Right. You're not like having this lifestyle at their expense. Most of the wealthy people that you and I know got wealthy by making other people successful .

Yeah. Yeah.

And so that, that is kind of the key. How do you handle it when, you know, your dream lifestyle is maybe nowhere near the dream lifestyle of your partner or spouse or your family. You know, for example, maybe you wanna fly travel around the world and they just wanna stay at home on a rocking chair or vice versa.

Yeah. That, that's a, that's a good one because there has to be a common thread between you and maybe it's, it's not today or, you know what, I take that back. It could be that mine is to travel the world and, you know, someone else's has just sit at home and that's the person you're in a relationship with. So then your day to day becomes your common thread.

Okay.

I think that's, you know, because that's how you're gonna find a common ground to, to walk together with. And you know , Karen , I , Karen I is very different. Like I love her to death, but her goal is to hang her 10 toes off of a surfboard. That is her ultimate life goal. not mine, but it's cool Right? . And there's zero judgment on my part.

But you can both surf, right? Like you do have that in mind . Yeah .

. Yeah . Yeah. We both can surf . I'm not nearly as good as Sarah . I kind of just stand up .

Yeah. That's cool. That's cool.

.

Okay,

You only get one of them. You only get one life. And if, if mopping the floor at 10 o'clock at night is really and truly what you want over and over again, great. Yeah . But if it's not truly what you want, if you're resentful a little, even just a little bit about it, then go out and find somebody that has done one thing that you're inspired by and ask 'em how they did it. Hmm .

That's great. And the the beautiful part is that if you talk to somebody who works in nine to five , they're working in middle management or something, they don't have a lot of freedom on how they set up their lifestyle. But entrepreneurship gives you that freedom. And if you're a gym owner, you're doubly lucky. Uh , Ashley, thanks so much for coming on.

I'm on Instagram at Brave Ashley Hahn , uh, Facebook, same thing. Ashley Hahn or www.ashleyhahn.com.

So Awesome. Thanks Ash .

Thanks Coop .