STOP Shaming & Start Loving Yourself | A Deep Dive Into Negative vs. Positive Self-Talk

2022 is our year. We will no longer set the bar for people to treat us. We are going to set the bar and set the stage for people to treat us amazingly. And it's going to start with how we conceive of and perceive ourselves

what is up my fellow dreamers and soul. Welcome to the Roxy talks, manifestation podcast, your raw, unfiltered, and unapologetic source for all things. Manifestation related. I'm Roxy Lee. And for the last decade, I have been researching and developing by signature 360 method, which combines behavioral science, quantum physics, and the law of attraction to help you manifest a life beyond your wildest dreams.

Visit Roxie talks.com for more info. Now let's get into it.

What is up my fellow dreamers and soul searchers. Welcome to another episode of Roxy talks, where we discuss confidence, mindset, manifestation and more I'm Roxy Lee. I'm a mindset coach. And of course, I'm here to help you banish your negative thinking and limiting beliefs. So you can bring love, clarity, and joy into your life and live as your most ideal version.

And that's really what my goal is to be able to be our. To live as it now without needing anything around us to tell us that we are without needing the outside world to validate that we are that in any sort of way, the only validation that we need and receive is from ourselves. Even if we think that we are.

Receiving validation from others or from the outside world in reality, they are projection of you. Of course, in that everyone is you pushed out concept and as such, they are mirroring to you, your insecurities. And because we know that we're all one and there is no separation. When you quote unquote, get the approval, you're not feeling their approval.

You're feeling your own approval. You're feeling validation that already existed within you before they did or performed whatever tasks and the 3d reality that you have deemed as acceptable to believe and demonstrate your own value and worth. But in reality, they may have said. You look great, but it was your decision to hear that and internalize it and decide that you look great that made you feel the way you feel.

They can't turn on approval and value and worth within you. Nobody can. Nobody can make you feel love, even when you're in a relationship with someone, if you feel the love from them, you're actually feeling love. That's already in your body that you have access to right now, but you won't turn it on because you haven't gotten the okay.

Right. Or the go ahead from someone else by them performing XYZ task. Right. Like, I won't feel love until this. Hugs me and cuddles me for 20 minutes and brushes away a stray hair out of my face and then looks into my eyes and tells me they love me. And then passionately kisses me. Then I'll feel immense love.

That's literally what we're saying to ourselves in relationships. That's what we're doing. But in reality, You've just decided that these are the certain items that need to be ticked off the list before you'll open the valve that flows love into your body and into your mind, or however it works scientifically, but it's always there and you always have access to the valve.

And you're the one keeping it from flowing. I've talked about this in previous episodes. Yes. We've talked about it in this way about, you know, flowing the, the love to yourself and allowing yourself to just feel what's already there without meeting someone else to tell you that it's okay to feel that way in today's episode.

However, I want to talk about the opposite, not the love that's existing within us already, but the fear, the pain, the insecurity, the doubt. The shame, the blame, all the negative emotions and the negative things that we tell ourselves that we allow to be turned on by other people. And we allow ourselves to turn on the flood.

Uh, feelings of shame, blame, hatred, all of that stuff. And why is it that we're more apt to turn on the faucet and let shame and blame and hatred and pain flow freely unchecked, untapped, but we wait until other people perform certain tasks before we'll even touch the love faucet. Some of us won't even go there.

Not even if someone does all the right things, they still won't turn it on within them. But I bet that person is not afraid to allow insecurity or pain to flow. So in today's episode, that's what I wanted to talk about. This question came up on mindset Monday, somebody talking about being criticized and, and shamed by others and what to do when you're feeling beaten down and hurt and broken.

Based on what other people have said to you? The thing about this concept that perked my ears up and made us want to talk about on the podcast is that. I noticed in that moment when someone left that comment, if you're not familiar mindset, Monday is our weekly live stream chat that we do on YouTube and in my Facebook group, black women society.

So if you ever want to get your manifestation question answered and you don't have the availability to book coaching with me, you can jump on mindset Monday every week. And ask me a question in the chat and I'll try to get to you. But today, when that question came about, What I really tapped into and understood was this interesting concept about how much of those negative words come from us and how willing we are to let ourselves think negative things about her.

Without doing anything about it. Like I said, in the beginning of the episode, everyone is you pushed up. If you want more on this topic, read Neville Goddard, and he's much more eloquently spoken than I am and can express exactly what that means in his perspective. In my perspective, I believe that we are each living out a version of 3d reality.

That's different for every single one of us where we have access to near infinite amounts of potentiality. I used to say infinite. And then I watched a scientist talk about the many worlds theory and the, the idea that there. Are just bunch of versions of reality. And he said, it's probably not infinite.

Like there has to be an end to it. The program was created at some point, but it's so close to infinite for us because we can't even fathom how many it is that it might as well be infinite. So now I use the term near infinite, but what it really means is that anything that's possible that can be, or will be, or ever.

Is in creation now and you have access to it right now. We're all experiencing the now at all times, time is an illusion. And so all of us are experiencing this version of reality that we face. Is the same version everyone else is experiencing, but we're all in an individual pod or a video game. I don't know exactly how it works, experiencing our slice of reality.

And if you want more on this topic, I highly suggest you listen to,  talk about this concept because he is excellent at explaining that, but the way that I interpreted it. Just like in a video game, if I'm playing against you, if I'm playing call of duty with someone across the world, I'm going to go into call of duty.

I'm going to pick my avatar. I'm going to pick the world I go into, I'm going to go in there and, and react to the world around me. And I'm going to have my own personal perspective and I'm going to be in control of that reality. And I'm going to play against you over on the other side of the world and your perspective from a reality, and we're going to play against each other, but really we're actually both playing individually.

Games. We're not playing the same game. Even if you were sitting next to me and you had a different console playing from your perspective, it would be a different game than I would be playing. It's a different perspective. It's a different experience. So each one of us is essentially holding a game controller, playing a version of the game called earth, but nobody is playing the same way.

So, what I see in my version of earth is all a reflection of me and my thoughts, my perspectives, my expectations, my beliefs, my worries, my doubts, my fears, everything that I've experienced on planet earth, plus the near infinite amounts of possibilities of things that could happen on planet earth, combined with my expectation and experience what I've had already, what I'm fearful of getting again and what I hope.

Plus the infinite randomness that planet earth offers and all of this is like this giant Rolodex of realities that our energy is sifting through. So all of the people in your world are a reflection of you in some way. Again, this is a little out of my pay grade. I don't know how exactly it works, but what I have found is that if you operate from the standpoint of uncontrolled, All of the outcomes around me, including the way that people receive me and treat me and behave around me.

And you use manifestation techniques to control the way you perceive others and the way you describe what they do, you will find that shortly after changing those concepts, they will begin to reflect those changes to you. So I don't know how it works. I don't know why, but what I do know is that if you work this and white, like.

Every single day, all of my thoughts are manifesting. Well, then let me tell you what I think now let me choose those thoughts. And when I do everything works out the way of my choosing. When other people are in your world and they are mirroring to you, your insecurities and saying things to you that hurt, that are mean and painful or whatever, treating you in a way that you don't like first understand that on some level you have selected this reality by allowing these.

To sway you and convince you by believing that people do treat you this way and affirming it and confirming it by reacting. When it happens, we're all manifesting so fast and so much all the time that it's can be hard to catch the snapshots of the now moment that add up to. Out to your reality, but each little snapshot is its own little version of reality and is not connected to anyone before or after it.

So we're always moving ourselves into new versions of reality, into different snapshots of reality, places that have already been created, situations that have already been set in motion and the way that we react to what we see in these reality. Tells us where we go to the next one, it tells the system to play something similar.

Like if every now moment was a song, the algorithm is like, oh, she likes Mariah Carey. Let's play heroine. Or, oh, she likes Mariah Carey. Let's play her the entire discography of Mariah Carey. And if I wanted a Whitney song, I would have to start affirming Whitney, or let's say if I wanted Metallica or something, I would have to affirm Metallica to get out of my Mariah Carey reality.

I would have to switch the song myself. And once I was there, If I continued singing Metallica songs, I don't remember this is coming from that. I would get more Metallica on my playlist. If all I could talk about when the Metallica song was playing was Mariah Carey. And I'm searching for more Mariah Carey songs, even if I didn't want to hear it, which I do.

But even if I didn't, my playlist might switch me back to Mariah because like he won't shut up about it. I keep searching it. I'm not searching Metallica. I may have got, I may have listened to the Metallica song for a minute and maybe I. And if I'm too hung up on the fact that I was just listening to Mariah for hours and I can't let go of it, I'm probably going to listen to some more.

That is a super random abstract analogy that just came through. I was, I was talking, but the point is you're doing it right. We know that we're doing it all. We know that everything going on in our world is a reflection of how we react to in person. What we've experienced and how we perceive ourselves within that realm.

So back to the topic at hand, I say all this, because what struck me as interesting when the person asked about the negative treatment that they received from other people was the reminder of how much negativity we allow ourselves to think about ourselves unchecked. Answering this question on the live stream chat.

And I realized just thinking about myself, I have insulted myself infinitely more times than every person that has ever insulted me combined. I have said more harmful things and blame shamed, disgraced, hated on whatever rattled off the insecurities of myself. So many more times than anybody could ever say out loud to me.

And I just really found it interesting to think about that fact that there's nobody on the planet that could say more worse things about you than you. And we have this something within us. Says that treatment from them is not okay. Something deep within us, even as children. We know that if someone's talking down to you and insulting you, if you are grouping in an abusive home, for example, even if it is normal to you or seems normalized deep down, you still feel instinctively.

You know that it's not right. We know when someone is mistreating us, cause it doesn't feel good in our body. We can recognize when someone else is mistreating us and we want to do something about it.

I'm not saying we always pick the right choice or pick the most healthy ways of dealing with that and coping with those feelings. But the realization became very blaringly obvious on this chat is that it's a problem when someone else talks to us like. Even if we don't do anything about it, even if we feel insecure, don't stand up for ourselves or afraid to say our truths.

We still know deep down that it's not right. And there's a part of us that wants something different, but we tend to find ourselves feeling helpless because it's, they're saying it's outside of me. I have no control over what they're doing. So how could I change it? And then let's look internal because if somebody is mistreating you on the outside and it's affecting you, then we know because the world's a mirror, everyone's you pushed out that you are mistreating yourself on some level and it's affecting you enough to be reflected in the 3d world.

So why is it that it's not okay for someone else to miss. But we will spend our entire lives sometimes every single day, putting ourselves down, abusing ourselves, shaming, ourselves, blaming ourselves, talking shit about ourselves, putting down our bodies and our looks and our abilities to create and our abilities to be loved our worth our value.

We have to teach ourselves how to not talk like that. Right? Like that's part of the reason I have a job is because so many of us, including myself, have been programmed over time to nitpick and to hate on ourselves and pick out the things that are wrong and make that mindset. Okay. We are more okay with treating ourselves like garbage than we are with someone else doing.

How fucked up is that how fucked up is it that there is even if they started today, people on the outside world could never amount to the amount of insults that I've given myself over over the time of my life. And I like myself, for the most part, I have insecurity as I go through my own parts, but I'm team Roxie overall for, you know, I have torn myself down so many times for so many years for hours straight, sometimes every single day.

And I know I'm not the only one I talked to you in one-on-one coaching. I know that a lot of us are programmed to do that. So when is it going to be enough if you know, instinctively that it's not okay for someone else to talk to you like that and to miss. Then why would you let yourself do it exponentially more?

And it's not your fault. We pick up these habits and these ideas along the way,

but the outside world could never, ever hurt you the way that you've heard yourself. And I say that from a place of. From a place of intention that you realize that a, the world isn't out to get you and B you can rescind anything. All of the shit you've put on yourself, the world could never measure up the world could never throw more at you than you've already dealt with and done and heard in your own.

Right. So can we make this pledge from right here this moment forward and say, okay, the worst is behind me. The damage was done, but I don't need to inflict any more damage on myself. I don't want to inflict any more pain and I'm not going to be the model that the universe follows when other people insult me and put me down.

Cause that's, what's going on. You're showing the universe how you like to be talked to how fucked up is that? We can't do that anymore. 2022 is our year. We will no longer set the bar for people to treat us shitty. We are going to set the bar and set the stage for people to treat us amazingly. And it's going to start with how we conceive of and perceive ourselves.

It's the thought after thought after thought, after thought the minutia of your day, the moments when you're looking in the mirror, when you're not, when you're trying on clothes, when you're looking at someone who you think is prettier than you, or better than you, it's all in these moments, when you're looking at your bank account, when you're scrolling social media, there's so many times that we're given the opportunity.

I don't know if I'm the right thing here to compliment ourselves and treat ourselves kind. And with. And so that is our goal from here forward 2022. This is the year that we learned to catch ourselves insulting ourselves. How many times a day do we subconsciously insult ourselves, devalue ourselves, call ourselves anything but the most magnificent unicorn creative, magical fucking beast on the planet.

Because when I say that I am being my best and ideal self, when I say I am the best. I mean, I'm the best out of all the versions of me, all those near infinite versions that I could be. I'm the best. I want to be the best. I want to be beautiful and funny and kind and caring and generous and loved and respected.

And all of that starts with me telling myself that I am that instead of telling myself I'm anything different, that is what I want for you. Every single day of this year. And then every year that you are still on this planet, thankfully and graciously, you're still here. And I'm so glad for that. I'm so glad that you're listening to this right now, because you deserve to hear this and you deserve to live a life and know what it feels like to have nice things going on inside there.

It may be foreign to you. It may not feel right at first. And that's what. Be okay with that. I'm complimenting myself. It feels a little weird, but I'm pushing through. And I love that. Shout out to Kyle sees, if you want to start making this a part of your everyday life, do my 30 days of alignment challenge.

That's how I changed my life. When I got everything together and began my business. It was the 30 days of alignment that got it going for me. And it's the thing that still keeps me going combined with my 360 method. All day, every day, no thoughts off no subjects off. No days off, we are controlling the way we think.

And it's not because I'm some conceded self-centered person who thinks I'm the greatest person in the world. No, for the love of God, I can't afford to allow myself to think anything other than I'm the greatest in the world. And not that I'm better than you, but that I'm better. Yeah. Me, I'm better than all the MES that I can be in the most loving way.

That's me stepping into my most ideal and best version. I am that now you are that now. And that version of us does not let the insult stay not happening there. The reality where we love ourselves the most and have everything. Flowing easily and effortlessly and harmoniously is the reality where we let ourselves be who we are.

And we love ourselves for that person as that person now. So my challenge for you is to catch the insults when they happen and turn them into compliments all day, every day, do it for 24 hours straight, then do 48, then do 72, then do a week. And the next. Start over again and do it for the rest of your life.

Sustain this instead of sustaining a mindset that just breeds negativity and pain and insecurity, there is a way for you to feel this and it starts with your words. You may not feel true at first. Keep going, keep pushing through. Eventually it'll start to feel more real than the insults do now. Okay. You got this.

I love you. I believe in you. If you want my help, getting to this point, figuring out where you're standing in the way, how you're blocking yourself, you can send it for one-on-one coaching. At my website, Roxy talks.com. I've also got amazing courses and workshops that you can get started on right now. If you don't want to wait to talk to me, there's also amazing meditations, affirmation and manifestation music at my website.

Roxy talks.com and on all streaming platforms. And don't forget to join the community@roxytalks.com backslash forum. Join manifestors just like you who are looking for manifestation buddies, or you can head over to our Facebook group, black moon society and sign up there. We're all raising our vibrations together.

You have the power, I believe.