How to Work on Self-Concept WHILE Manifesting Love!

We must learn how to Sue the nurture and baby ourselves through life. In order to make it through in the best possible way.

What is up my fellow dreamers and soul searchers. Welcome to the Roxy talks, manifestation podcast, your raw, unfiltered, and unapologetic source for all things manifestation. I'm Roxy Lee. And for the last decade I have been researching and developing my signature 360 method, which combines behavioral science, quantum physics, and the law of attraction to help you manifest a life beyond your wildest dreams.

Visit Roxy talks.com for more info. Now let's get into it.

What is up my fellow dreamers and soul searchers. Welcome to another episode of Roxy talks, where we discuss confidence, mindset, manifestation and more I'm Roxy Lee. I'm a mindset and manifestation coach, and I'm here to help you manage your negative thinking and limiting beliefs. So you can bring love clear to enjoy into your life.

So if you listened to last week's podcast, then you know that we were talking about the evolving center. Self as you are manifesting, and as you are achieving the goals that you're working through, if you haven't listened to last week's episode, I suggest you check it out because a lot of what I'm going to talk about in this episode, piggybacks off of last week's episode and some of the concepts I explained there.

So. Check it out if you haven't, because the information is going to be very important, especially if you're interested in this topic than last week's information, again is going to be pertinent for you in order for you to do this work. So knowing what we talked about last week, that there's more to change and evolve when it comes to who you are and what your truth is.

What your actions and beliefs say about you and what you expect to happen for you and be available to you. And I also talked in last week's episode about how important it is that you realize that this self-concept work and this work on the self and this connecting to your higher power and doing your daily work.

Getting to the core of who you are and living as a satisfied and fulfilled individual is all ongoing lifelong work. So there's more that needs changing than just these surface level ideas. Just the bare minimum that we maybe might do to get the manifestation. There's more that needs to be done. And this needs to be a lifelong practice.

This is never ending. This is you for the rest of your life. You at your best is doing this every single day. Meditating connecting, doing the shit that brings me joy, monitoring their thoughts and their behavior. Filtering out the negative versus the positive. If you want to call it that and the unproductive versus the productive, the thoughts that keep us away from our ideal reality and the thoughts that exist inside of our ideal reality of the thoughts that we're already naturally thinking when we're there, those are the thoughts that you want to mimic, and you want to get rid of anything.

That's not that in a perfect world for the rest of your life, you keep growing, you keep understanding what stands in your way. You keep working through meeting the pain, head on with open arms, loving it until. Ready to leave and then doing things to make yourself feel good, doing things that remind you why you like being on the planet as often as possible forever.

So if you think a relationship is your end goal, that's why you don't have it. That's why it's not working out for you. That's why it's not so good. That's why you're listening here. Right? Manifestation is not an end goal. It is something you do all day, every day, naturally. But it leads you to your ideal reality leads you anywhere.

So if you can control where it leads you for the rest of your life, you're going to be able to maximize the amount of happiness and joy and exuberance and Alation that you feel. If you can insert as much of that, those things I just said and love to into your day. Every day, as many times as possible, knowing how to keep yourself in those moods, knowing how to get yourself there, knowing how to raise your vibration, quote, unquote, knowing how to connect, knowing how to uncover, knowing how to radiate love within you.

So you're not looking for somebody else to give you the permission to turn it on. I talk about that a lot. The love you feel from another person is not from them. It's from you. It's you finally allowing yourself to open up a valve that is constantly flowing love to you right in this moment, right now that you could open the valve to right now, meditation helps you do that.

Practice helps, but if you're relying on someone else to open this valve for you, it will never be open. Cause they can't. They can't reach inside of you and turn on the faucet. Only you can do that, but I promise you that when you're with somebody that you actually like, and that you want to be around, that you have those feelings around it's because you have allowed yourself to feel what's already there.

It's not their love that you're feeling. It's your own love that you're feeling. So the relationship cannot be your goal. Because if the goal is the relationship, then that means that you can't have the love and the feeling of completion and wholeness and belonging without it. And if that's the truth that you're operating under, then guess what you're going to keep manifesting you without it.

The universe only understands the mirror, the literal interpretation of what you're saying. So, if you're saying, I want this person to be with me, it's obvious. It's glaringly obvious is that there's only one interpretation and that is that you don't have them. And that's all the universe can give you until the end of time, until you can look at the supposedly not having and saying, I have all the love that I could possibly fit in this body, or I have all the love I need.

I have everything I need, because then the universe has to give you everything you need or everything you want. However you want to phrase it. The universe has to comply with what you say, but if you're not in the relationship that you want to be in, I guarantee you that you are saying, and by say, I mean, thinking, believing, reacting to a supposedly true.

That you don't have the love that you want or need in your life. Right now, you're saying that more than you're saying any other affirmation that equals the reality or matches up to the reality where you do have the person or a person or any person or the caliber person, whatever in your life you can't say you don't have it and get it.

If you could, when you watching this. Or you can't have the best version of it. If you constantly point out what's wrong with it, if you focus on the problems in it, you get more problems. If the resounding dialogue in your head is, but they won't talk to me or they're not open enough, or I wish they would just call me.

You're going to just keep seeing more of, I wish they would. They aren't how come they want. And I can tell you that firsthand, I've talked about my own situation with my husband, but for the longest time when we were dating, my story was why won't he just, I just wanted him to commit. I just wanted him to say.

What it was, I just wanted the title. I didn't want a second more of his time. I didn't want anything else from him, except for him to acknowledge that we were what we are, where that's all I wanted and I would not let that. Why won't he just, I just all day long, why won't he? I just don't see why he w why won't he do?

I just don't see why he just won't. That's all I would do all day long. And that's what he would do is just, he just wouldn't. He does want, and he had no good reason. Because there wasn't one. The reason why is because I kept saying over and over all day long, why won't he just more than I was saying, wow, I have a great relationship here.

You know what I mean? So if you are calling the relationship, your goal is just being in a relationship of just getting this person is the goal and not you living, breathing, feeling, being the most loving and lovable. Radiating in love now, version of you period, if your goal is not to be that, but to get a relationship.

So you fake being that for a little while, so you can get the relationship things fall apart. Like I talked about in last week, if you make the relationship, the goal, then you're signifying that the work is over once the relationship comes and that's where you fuck it up. That's where you drop the ball because the relationship is a by-product of the work of radiating love, uh, finding the most loving thought of finding the most abundant thought of growing and building and billowing in the best feelings of thinking about your.

Outlook in a positive way. That's what brings the relationship on not necessarily the affirmations or the work you're doing. That's a by-product again, it just comes because you're so fulfilled that the universe has to pile on more things to reflect your fulfillment. It can't do anything else. It can't give you lack when you are being abundant and fulfilled and everyone's definition of lack is different and everyone's definition of love and worth is different.

So every manifestation process has to be custom tailored to you, but the point of it all is is that it never stops. This is your lifelong way to live as your ideal self. You never go back, hopefully best case scenario. Best case scenario, I maintain knowing how to be my best self for the rest of my life.

There's no switch that you can flip and just be that forever because you're constantly thinking thoughts. You're constantly under the influence of the 3d reality. We live in a society that's full of all kinds of weird notions. People tell you their opinions all the time. If you're on the internet, which you have to be to be hearing these words, you're one click away from someone's opinion.

It's kind of a weird way to live, you know? So. We have to do things to buffer ourselves from this. We have to purge the feelings and the trauma and all the shit we've been through. We've been in lockdown for two years. People are dying all around us. It's fucking crazy. We must learn how to Sue the nurture and baby ourselves through life in order to make it through in the best possible.

So I want to give you permission to focus on yourself. And I want you to know that focusing on yourself is the way that you get your relationship. It is the answer and it is the reason why things work out. When you focus on your. And it's also the reason why you drop the ball. When you stop focusing on yourself.

I actually had a really interesting experience last week with my one-on-one sessions. I had two clients who both, one of them had a vision in meditation. One of them had a dream that they were doing their pattern or having some sort of issue. And they had a vision of me come through and tell them. You know, one of them was like, just rip the bandaid off or just go, go through the door.

You know what? It doesn't matter. But I had two clients on the same day from the same part of the world, by the way, actually, now that I'm saying this out loud, it's kind of fucking weird. Um, just one after another telling me that the reason they booked their session was because I get one out of vision and meditation and one had a dream where I was like, Hey man, here's the answer?

And what I learned from these conversations in one-on-ones is that. We're doing the work we're on top of it. Things are working out, everything's falling into place. It starts to feel comfortable. So we take a step back of the focusing on the thoughts that we need to think that lead us to satisfaction, fulfillment, and love.

And then. As we slip as we slack a little bit, the old self starts to creep in because there's gotta be something running. I've always said that before, like if you don't maintain your new story, the old program doesn't go anywhere. The old story does not leave. You're still you in some sort of program or story has to be running at all times for us to have a personality.

So if you don't control and manage the personality that you're in habit, You want to be the person that has this great relationship that maintains the great relationship, not just manifest the person, but maintains. Long-term the ideal version of the partner of the relationship and of theirself. That's what you're going for.

Right? So that person has a running monologue was going to say dialogue, maybe dialogue. Consistently manifests their 3d reality to go the way you want your 3d reality to go. Okay. Because that's what the ideal you is, the ideal you, your most ideal self is the person, the version of you out of the near infinite, out of all the possibilities that could be that you can step into right now.

It's the version of you out of all of those that you would most like to be living the life. If you could pick absolutely everything in this situation. It's that one. Okay. That version of you is real. It isn't existence already. You couldn't be able to think about it unless it was already something you have access to, unless it was a reality or energy already created an existence happening right now.

Okay. That you can get to the way you get to. Is by lining up your thoughts. Okay. You match up your thoughts to theirs. Just like the match game. If you're thinking potato, I'm thinking potato, if that one would never think potato, I need to get all potato out of my mind. Shoe shoe, send it away because we're not doing potato.

We're doing celery. I don't know. Right. But if this one only thing celery and I want to get where celery me is, I must think celery every time I want to think potato. Okay.

This never goes away. And if you are, if you are a potato at heart and you were grown in a potato patch, It may not be in your nature to think celery naturally, you, I don't know if you could ever permanently change your programming, but you do have awareness and discipline. Shout out 360 methods. That's my signature method.

The cornerstones of which are awareness and discipline. So you have the awareness to know what you're saying. If you're paying attention so you can catch yourself doing a potato thought or a potato behavior, a potato reaction. And switch it for a salary thought reaction, whatever. Now, the switching from potato to celery can become a habit and you can rewrite that code, but if you stop making the choice to do that, eventually potato will start showing up more.

So again, the relationship cannot be your end goal, because if you are somebody that's having trouble manifesting or holding down a relationship or keeping it going or getting somebody that keeps leaving you or never had anyone to begin with, or don't know what to do, all that stuff, if you don't already have the relationship thing understood, or maybe you're going through something that you never saw coming, maybe you've been blindsided.

Whatever, if you don't have it down. You can be pretty certain that it's not already ingrained in you. So if that's the case, you might never be able to think celery on autopilot for the rest of your life. You may have to maintain celery by doing celery things, meditating, getting outside, connecting with people and things that they love.

Shit. That brings me joy. All of the stuff that I, that we've talked about, getting therapy, even, you know, processing your emotions, all that stuff, the person living your ideal life has that stuff under control in some way, shape or form. And it's evidenced by the fact that they have a life you want. So the same goes for your relationship.

So long story short, the question of do I still focus on myself when I'm manifesting? When do I bring in manifesting a relationship when I'm focusing on myself? At what point is it okay to turn the focus away from me and onto someone else? Part of me wants to say never, but that's not true because obviously part of being a human being is being in the now enjoying earth, living in the 3d and being like, fuck.

And so when you're in a relationship, that's that that's being present with your partner connecting to the 3d reality, which is an illusion, but you never lose the sense of self in the sense of who's doing the illusionism. Right. Who's controlling it all. I am. And not just I, but ideal. I not just regular old me, but the me that knows I'm in control.

The me that has to look out for my own patterns. The me that has to look out for my insecurities, my worries, my doubts, the me that has chased away all the other relationships up until now. I got to watch out for that person and not be that person by choice. And that takes awareness and discipline. And it takes focus for the rest of your life.

Maybe, I don't know, report back to me in 10 years and let me know, but I will say I have clients of all ages. I've had clients from 16 to 62. So maybe not all ages have I had older clients than that? I may have had older clients than that. I'm not sure, but my point is that I've seen people from all walks of life, from every continent, age, religion, gender, sexual orientation, all of it.

I've talked to every kind of person you can imagine. And this shit is universal. And, and I don't think it ever changes. Like I said, I've talked to people, you know, I'm talking to a 16 year old and have talked to somebody that's three times their age and going through the same stuff. So if you don't learn the lessons, they will keep popping up and giving you opportunity after opportunity to learn them and lessons aren't always learned comfortably.

So if you're setting yourself up to learn lessons and you're not learning them, life is just going to feel like it keeps knocking you down, but it's because you're ignoring something. It's because you're not doing something it's because you're not focused on yourself in the right way. It's because you're looking for the outside to satisfy the insight in does not work like that.

So when is it time to switch from self-concept work to SP work? Never. We're never switching, never stop working on yourself, considering yourself, keeping yourself. Top of mind because yourself is the one who fucked it all up before. Now don't ever forget that, right? Like we love ourself and our self as powerful and strong, but ourself was also programmed to do shitty things and sabotage us in our own little ways.

And that's totally fine, but that self can't be left alone to its own devices for too long or that old self destructive nature just naturally comes out. So if you don't want that, Demolish your relationship. You have to keep an, a watch out for it. Can't let the kids out of the gate without supervision.

It's not that they're bad, but it's just in their nature to explore and find new ways to be kids. Right. So understand that this is ongoing, it's forever. The self. Of the highest importance because the self is the one maintaining the relationships that we were working so hard to manifest. But once you get to a point, when you realize you don't need your SP you don't need a relationship when you're not trying to manifest, when it feels like life is on the up and up, when it's like, you know what, shit's working out for me, I don't have anything to complain.

Those are signifiers that you can start looking at your love story and considering it in a different way, paying attention to your SP working the affirmations back into your day. And I'm not saying like no SP affirmations and then, okay. You can do them now. That's not what I'm saying, because I always advise my clients.

You whatever's on your mind. You think about it the way you need it to come about. So if your SP is on your mind, even though, or your specific person, if you're a specific person is on your mind, even if you're not trying to consciously manifest them, you still need to think about them in the way you want them to show up, or at least something like, you know, I'm not worried about them.

I know it's all working out and send them away in your mind, but you still have to do that damage control. Even if you're not trying to consciously manifest them, because if they show up in your mind and you treat them the same old way, you're not doing, you're not doing yourself any service, you're not changing or moving the needle on them.

And ultimately you still don't fully understand that you're in complete control of everything in your reality. So when you get that, when you realize you don't need the relationship to be happy, when you no longer think that. Someone else has the power over you and someone else's decision to be with you or without you is going to make or break you when that no longer dominates then.

And you can say that it's safe to start considering bringing another person on, but if you're looking for them to fulfill something in you manifesting another person is just, it's only going to highlight. The insecurities is only going to bring up the reasons why you don't have them, because that's what you focus on more.

And I wish that I could say that this isn't for everybody, but I just, I have yet to meet a person who doesn't blatantly mirror their inner in their outer. It's just, it's just obvious. So. I say all these things with love. Your SP is just very irrelevant to the whole situation. You need to get your shit on track before you try to bring somebody into the fucking circus.

Like it's kind of not fair to expect someone else to fix your fucking problem. Okay. You can't make yourself happy. So you need someone else to do. That sounds like you are dumping your problems on someone else. I can't deal with me. I need you to deal with me. And if you don't deal with me right, then we got a fucking problem and guess what?

They're not going to be able to do it. So guess what's coming a problem. And it's ultimately because you're still refusing to do the work on yourself. You're still refusing to learn the lessons that keeps slapping you in the fucking, I love you so much. And sometimes. Overwhelmed with how much I want you to get it because you deserve it.

And you're amazing and you're beautiful and you're perfect. And you should have the best relationship ever. And the person is there waiting to be that for you when you are occupying the shoes of the one who can sustain that relationship. To learn to sustain relationships. You need to learn to sustain your own satisfaction and fulfillment.

That is step one. And once you get there, then you can start on focusing more on bringing someone into you in a more deliberate fashion, but we're not doing it from a place of need. We're not doing it from a place of lack, because if you feel like your person is needed for you to be fulfilled, you're manifesting from a place of lack.

And that does not mean. Right. That doesn't even sound right. Manifesting from a place of whack. It sounds like you're going to get a whole lot of fucking nothing. What do you get when you reach into an empty bag? Air and air is free, so you don't have to reach into that bag to get it, but there's nothing else in an empty bag yet you keep reaching in it and then you're so pissed that there's nothing, that fucking bag.

Meanwhile, there's a bag full of cool shit sitting next to you, but it requires you to drop the empty bag and quit digging around. Expecting it to be full of something.

I love the analogies and the pictures I get, but that's it. You're digging around in an empty bag. And if your question is when can I stop self concept to focus on my SP that's you digging in an empty bag, the full bag, the bag that is fulfilled your SPS already in there, and you don't have to dig around to find them.

You're just gonna reach in one day. Oh, look, here's my pen. Oh, here's my. That's how it works. It's effortless when it's effortless, it's effortless when it's done the right way. And the universe wants you to feel gratitude, to let go of your hangups, to let go of the things you think you need so that it can give you everything you want.

But part of it is in the trusting, the faith that when you let go of this empty bag, there's going to be a full one. Kerry now. So think full bag thoughts, useful bag sentences. If you catch yourself digging around in your empty bag, put it down and start digging around in the full bag. Okay. So if you're ready to dive deeper on this subject, you have to check out my manifests, a specific person workshop.

It is all about this exact stuff it's going to help you get past these blocks that are in the way of your relationship. You can get started on that right away. It's at my website, Roxy talks.com. But in the meantime, I do want to give you some homework. So everybody listening right now, regardless of your relationships.

I want you to, I want you to meditate for 15 minutes and focus all of your energy on your heart shock or your heart center and just feeling the feelings of loving yourself. So I want you to center your breathe, close your eyes, focus your eyes. On your third eye closed, but pointed towards your third eye

and take your energy into your heart space, into your heart shock. Ride to the area of your chest, where your heart resides in this moment and just start visualizing it coming alive. Being electrified, lighting up, electrons, swirling around it. Invigorating. You're paying attention to it. You're noticing it.

So it's excited. It's going to dance for you. It's so happy that you're paying attention and you're seeing it. And I want you to spend 15 minutes just saying, I love you to yourself. However, that sounds the most comfortable. Talk to your heart. Talk to yourself in jail. Just love yourself for 15 minutes straight and just spend 15 minutes telling yourself that you love yourself and feeling what that feels like.

And you can go for a longer, but I just don't want it to feel. I scroll on my phone for way longer than I don't even want to finish that sentence. I'm not going to affirm that, but let's just say we can all find an extra 15 minutes in our day to dedicate towards being that ideal self, that ideal self that loves itself us unconditionally.

So we're going to learn how to do that by making ourselves do it. And I want you to take 15 minutes to just think about loving your. Telling yourself that you love yourself and feeling what that feels. And then report back that's your homework for this week. So either leave us a nice review on the podcast or head to my website, Roxy talks.com and the forum and leave your meditation results there.

You can also find manifestation, buddy. And if you'd like to talk to me one-on-one so I can help you figure out what's going on in your relationship and how you can break through your. Blocks and limitations. You can sign up for one-on-one coaching at Roxy talks, dot com. Al's have amazing courses and workshops like I mentioned earlier, and I have great music, meditations, and affirmations to help you go keep going throughout your day, staying focused on the reality that you want to be in.

So you don't have to be constantly in your head. The music, the meditations, the affirmations help keep the vibes going all day long while you're navigating throughout your day. That's all@roxytalks.com. You can also connect with me on social media. I'm on Tik, TOK, Instagram, and all the other places. And you can join my Facebook group, black men society to connect with others as well.

We're all raising our vibrations together. You have the power I believe in you. Thank you so much for being here and thank you so much for listening. Work on yourself. It is so worth it you're worth it. You deserve all of the benefits that come from putting yourself first. I promise, try it, do it, keep doing it, maintain it, sustain it.

And then go on about living your life in the best way possible. I love you. I'll see you in.