ADHD, Hormones, and Figuring It All Out | Meredith Carder - 926

and financial agreements. Test Art is in your corner, so reach out to Mark and the team at www dot test Artfamilylawyers dot com dot au. Meredithcarter, Welcome to Roll with the Punches.

go through the process. And then when I decided to do it, I had a really hard time following through. Like I would identify some providers I wanted to work with for the assessment, I would leave messages, not get phone calls back, and then six months later I would be like, Oh, I really want to get on this again. So it took a while to really complete the process. Once I did get the appointment scheduled and go through

that piece, I actually had a pretty good experience. I was a little bit terrified because I'd heard so many horror stories about called women not being believed that their struggles were as intense as they were. I've always been really good at masking my struggles and covering them up and appearing like I'm functioning, just flying to the world. So I had a lot of anxiety around would these

providers really listen to me? But I did. I did find a pretty informed provider and was able to get those answers.

going to be working with people with ADHD. I also know that there's so many other things that can look like ADHD, so I wanted to rule those out to make sure I was attacking the difficulties I was having from the right angles.

I would have probably built like coaching practice in a more traditional way with more of a local focus, had the pandemic not happened. But people started just all of a sudden understanding more about ADHD. They were seeing themselves in this type of content, uh, and they were seeking answers.

I think during that time it was also a time where people that had kind of learned how to accommodate themselves and learned a lot of coping strategies, whether they were the best coping strategies they could have learned or not, a lot of those things fell apart during the pandemic because you just didn't have access to them. So a lot of people were struggling even more than they were before. It was kind of the straw that broke the camel's

back for a lot of people. So there was more demand for information, and you know, coaches and professionals met that demand. And during that time there's also been a lot of advocacy asking providers to to sharpen their skills around ADHD. There's not a lot of ADHD education that happens when someone is getting a degree to work with mental health, so oftentimes that means a provider has to

seek that out on their own. And as providers, we're seeing more and more people coming in asking about ADHD a lot more strengthen their education as well.

than my doctor did. And that's really frustrating to hear, because it can be really tough to get answers and seek that and have the courage to ask for that professional opinion and then realize that perhaps that provider's information is outdated or just really not very deep.

why you're in their office. Their job is to help you discern if this is it, not to you know, kind of belittle you for how you came to these questions. I would also struggle with a provider that didn't ask questions about how your symptoms might show up in other areas of life, in different life stages for you. So most ADHD people that work in the field will be looking for evidence that it existed in childhood. So if their questions around that piece are how did you do

in school? And if you said I did pretty good in school, and they're like, well, if you can't have ADHD, that would be a red flag because role it's you know, kind of the stereotype is the child that can't focus at school, that's falling out of their chair, that's getting in trouble all the time. It doesn't always present that way for everyone. A lot of people, it eachd have really curious brains. So if you were the kid that

was interested in school, you might have done well. So well those doctors that aren't seeing nuance when they ask those questions, I think that would be a red flag as well.

Like I was just a lively kid and I looked back it was like, ah, I edit, all right, but I'm just doing a course at the moment, And Jesus, it's funny to go with a new understanding and self awareness to look at how I deal with the stuff. I the stuff are comfortable in learning and the stuff

that challenges me a bit. And I'm like, it's really funny because I see the moments where I'm like, there were some there were some subjects where I would just annoyingly annihilate it and almost to the annoyance of the teachers, because they're like, you distract everybody, and you shouldn't even deserve to name in this subject you're annoying. You should be like I'm sitting I'm sat outside on a desk

half of the lesson every time. And then there were there were subjects where I just because of whatever the reason why it be the teacher or the environment or the people and the distractions or just the lack of interest, I just didn't learn a thing and I would just get disruptive and sent out. So it was like, yeah, oh yeah, I'm a good student. I was like, yeah, maybe, or maybe it's complicated.

the learning, we likely will do. Okay. If we have a subject or a teacher or an environment that's not working, then it's going to be really really hard for our brains to engage. So I was that kid too, where all a's and then math was always a disaster. I really really struggled until I got to college actually and took a class on statistics, and in that class I

did great because I could. I found it kind of interesting to see patterns and it was so much more applied to real life that I was like, Okay, I get why I'm learning this now. So sometimes it's not even just like a pattern across a subject matter. Sometimes it really has to do with how it's applied and how our brains can make sense of the information. Yeah.

So that being said, you can try ADHD medication, and if the side effects aren't working for you or you're not getting the results you want, it's very easy to discontinue using it. So it is I think for some people, just kind of knowing, Okay, I'm going to try this, I don't have to commit to this forever or for

a very long period of time can be helpful. There's also a lot of research that there's certain age ranges in children as well, where if it can help them kind of really like remoedal the pathways in their brain and calm their brain down enough that they can kind of you get some you know, increased to learning and reduce impacts later in life. So I really think it's worth investigating. That. Being said, sometimes there's side effects that

don't work for people. Sometimes people have other health conditions that don't make them a good candidate. I think the statistics around eighty percent of people with ADHD find benefit from medication, but that means there's twenty percent of people that are not going to be able to have that

same benefit or are not candidates. So keeping that in mind, I do think that even if you're taking medication, you still need to build different skills, and you still need strategies and support in a common to truly feel like you're thriving with ADHD.

couple more interest and novelty. So thinking about those factors and thinking about, Okay, I'm going to create an environment that has those things in it. Knowing how your brain

works is really really helpful. So oftentimes, like people will get an ADHD diagnosis and be like, Okay, I'm gonna try this medication, and maybe it does help them initiate tasks or feel like they can focus better, it's not going to necessarily help them build the skills to really deal with some of the other symptoms that medication doesn't address. So that's really important to have that, like understanding about how your brain is wired.

to get into coaching. But as soon as I took that first course. I think I really didn't even know what ADHD coaching was when I signed up for that, but I was like, oh my gosh, this is really fascinating, and I decided to work with a coach one on one during that time, and after that experience, it was pretty life changing for me. I decided to continue with the courses I already had worked in employee coaching at

the time and training and development. So it was so awesome to be able to find a way to apply the skills I already had with coaching to something that felt so life changing for me.

that all through like an ADHD lens. So they're going to help you understand the root of your resistance or your struggles and be sprinkling in that like kind of psycho education into the coaching process and help you develop strategies that make sense for you personally and for ADHD.

So really, a trained ADHD coach isn't going to spend a whole section being our session being like, Okay, here's what you're gonna do, like they're that would be more like mentorship, that you'd be able to find those tips and tricks like they're in my book, they're they're out there, they're everywhere, and they can be super helpful. But a coach should guide you and help you find personalized strategies

versus saying, hey, this is how you do it. And it works so much better than just having someone direct you and tell you what to do, because then you've bought into it and you kind of come to the best fit for you.

that sometimes people are focused on a specific goal. These days, I don't do a ton of one on one coaching, but when I do, it's typically solopreneurs, small business owners that are trying to build their business in a way that makes sense for their brain because they've been there before and they've had experience burnout or they're feeling really stuck and they can't really find ways to structure their business without really having some intense struggles.

better at covering up our behaviors. We call that masking. So this happens a lot quicker. It seems like for girls than boys. Girls tend to really internalize outside messages much earlier, and we're very much socialized differently than boys in most cultures, and we have different expectations. So usually girls here loud and clearer early on the we're disruptive and that we need to fit in differently. So as we get older, we kind of develop like these coping mechanisms,

whether we know we have ADHD or not. Uh So you'll see that more as kids grow into adulthood, Like it may look like a child has grown out of their ADHD. But what has happened oftentimes is that they've just gotten better at created workarounds and and masking their symptoms.

for that child or that person. Instead of saying, okay, you told me you were going to do this, why didn't you do this? In like kind of an attacking way, say hey, I can see that maybe you're having a hard time starting this. What can I do to help? Or do you want to explore what might be going on here? So asking questions instead of making assumptions is really really helpful. I do think that learning about ADHD, if you truly are wanting to support that person in

your life, the learning should be on both people. Instead of waiting for that ADHD person to like tell you everything about their condition, seek out some outside resources. It's probably going to give you a lot of insight and really help your communication with that person.

and adh is making it harder. So one of the most important things to understand is that when you are in the perimenopause, as you progress through that, you are losing available estrogen in your body. And estrogen does a lot of things, but it impacts a lot of cognitive processes, So a lot of those things that estrogen kind of some of the symptoms that causes in people. All people is struggling with kind of like cognitive tempo, being able

to think as quickly as you used to. People call like brain fog is another symptom that people report experiencing, trouble focusing, trouble regulating emotions. All of those things are things that people with ADHD already struggle with. So when we start having less estrogen, then those symptoms are going

to feel like they're set on fire. So it's really important to understand that this is like a real thing that's happening, it's not in your imagination, and talking to your doctor about changes that might need to be made

in your treatment is really helpful during that time. It's also a time, I think where we have to really start thinking about understanding our capacity, understanding that like our expectations for ourselves might need to shift during that time, and all the things that were like nice to have, like you know, working out and sleeping and all of that are going to get harder. And a lot of those like you know, I know a lot of ADHD women that did just fine or fine. I put that

in quotes. They probably they appeared to be doing just fine, but a lot of them were really into exercise. I'm one of those people. I was a marathon runner until I hit perimine pause and started getting injured like constantly, and that routine and that dopamine like really I think helped me in all of those years that I was

spending being you know, undiagnosed. And when that kind of coping mechanism started being less available to me because my body was just changing and not reacting to exercise in the same way and needing more recovery and I was having injuries and things like that, that was really really tough to handle. I had to figure out, what are my other coping mechanisms, what are the other ways I

can process stress? Uh, So that piece can be really really tough on I think all women, that women with ADHD, especially, I am so in the.

worth exploring. And really, just like ADHD, finding that provider that is informed on that topic versus has kind of the stigmas and I'll do an information on it. Finding that person that's up to date with their information is super important.

that's now science backed and opposing each other. And so I really feel like I've had a big rant on my show. I think it goes love tomorrow of me just having a riff on the experience I've had over the last couple of years with my energy crashing and

needing to reassess and being tired. And then you know how long it's taken to get through all the channels and the information to get some solutions happening that should have that I feel should have happened far sooner, and only happened because I have the luxury of speaking to so many experts on the show and getting getting solutions and ideas and information from people that I do trust

in order to make informed decisions. And yet, you know, I talk to my clients and people that are ten years ahead of me in that journey, and they are kind of at the stage I'm at now. Still, Well, y'all, I have been going through these ten years. I didn't, you know, maybe I should look into that, And it's so frustrating.

It's been fantastic for my career, and I think it has so many upsides. But the downside is that really strong, opinionated, inflammatory content gets pushed. Content that scarce you gets pushed. Content with nuance gets d you know, prioritized in the algorithm. So it is it is really tough to feel the confidence to go forward with the treatment plans sometimes because

you will always find that opposing viewpoint. And I do think we have to get good at like knowing what questions to ask so that we can vet the experts that we're going to listen to.

to understand the science. And I always asking to you, like what's this person's agenda? Like are what are they trying to do? And if they're out there saying like estrogen's horrible for you, like what are they trying to sell you that's different than estrogen? You know what I mean? Like, ye, is there intention pure just to educate or is there a motive here? And that can help you find some answers too.

find out. I had. The cool thing was I had a smart DNA test years ago that I went back to and looked at some of these genetic things that related to stuff that they might have talked about. I'm very good with my terminology, thank you. But I was able to look at that and just figure out how my body processes and deals with toxins and moves and deals with estrogen specifically. So I kind of went all right that I'm really big on the place bowl effect

as well. It's like, well, whether or not this is the right part for me, also, it matters a lot if I feel it's the right path for me. So I can't have I can't make a decision to go in this direction and then consume and continue to consume

stuff and then then let that doubt sink in. Like I think, we have to look for our information, make a decision, decide on a period of time that we're going to implement that plan, and then just shut the noise out and go, this is my decision for now, all bits or off until I get to there and assist whether or not we feeling good or not.

active in people with ADHD. So we do sit on those decisions. We are seeking more information and we're thinking and thinking and thinking on them, and it's very hard for us sometimes to make the decision and move forward. We're also big time researchers that curiosity gets us. It's a really good thing sometimes, but sometimes it's not. Sometimes

it is a minefield, so we sometimes overreachsearch things. So what you just described is basically what I would see to acclaim as a framework for making decisions and committing to decisions. So if we don't have any framework and any kind of like timeline or process around how we'll make big decisions like this, then we're going to stay kind of in that rumination phase for a really long time, and we're going to be exhausted, and then we're not going to be able to make any of those changes.

for you can go off it. Not like your ssrys and I understand that you're not a psychiatrist or a medical doctor, but i'd love to know if you have any knowledge or experience around the stimulants and whether or not they people experience like a bit of a crashing effect after using them, What they stimulate the nervous system. Can people use them just a couple of days and not the rest of the time, or does that I

don't know. I guess I have the feeling when I have tried to use them at times that it's like stimulating my system and then leaving me feeling depleted afterwards.

like less of a profound effect. It's kind of like when you drink a ton of coffee and then all of a sudden you crash a little bit, right, So like if you drink a ton of coffee, it's going to be more pronounced, but if you drink a less coffee, you might not notice it as much. So working with your provider, if you are, you know, trying medication and you have our experiencing that, I think it's really important.

They say that the average person needs to usually try three different types of medication or dosages before they find the right fit for them. So but oftentimes people that try to medication, like, they try it and they have some side effects and they like or like immediately this is not for me. So I would just encourage people that if you're open to medication and you're like getting some good results, but like you still have some things that are not working for you, then kind of work

with your provider. You also asked about, like can I just take this a couple of days a week. Some people do that. Some people really will use medication as needed. Again, this is a conversation to have with your provider about

what's appropriate for you. But there's been a lot of interesting discussions lately about providers that are really kind of on the cutting edge of treatment, working especially with their patients that have a cycle, like changing dosage after they ovulate and having to make adjustments for that because your brain has lest estrogen at that time, so you might need a little bit more. Maybe you don't take medication in the first half of your cycle. So there are

a lot of options out there. And because and again this is this applies to stimulant medications. This doesn't apply to all things that can be used to treat ADHD, to stimulate specifically, there is wiggle room to make changes. A lot of people won't take it on the weekends if they don't want to, and that has some pros and cons to it. Like pros would be that it helps you kind of avoid that tolerance to a certain dosage.

Sometimes people will find okay, like this feels like it's stopped working, but if you take some breaks, it helps with that kind of de lease that process. Some people have some sleep difficulties on medication, so like sometimes that allows them to rest a little bit. Other people are fineing that they still have to use their executive functions a lot on the weekends, and the function better by

taking it seventies a week. So it really is an individual thing, and really a good prevator is going to talk to you about your individual circumstance and help you really land on some answers there.

this the stimulant medication? Is this perimenopause? So I didn't take it for quite a long time. And interestingly, just last week when I had a school day in Inverticomas, I was like, you know, I just need I'm just not just not getting the best out of myself. So I had viove ance that day a smaller and since being on HRT, it felt different, it felt like it

it was not. Yeah, it was interesting to me. I was like, oh, that there's more experimenting to happen there, because that's an interesting change.

positive change. So you know, when there's also just that that conversation around stimulants, they might be a tool that you really need to use during certain stages of your life where you have less control over your environment. I work from home most of the time. I can kind of control my schedule most of the time, so I'm able to make accommodations for myself where I go through sometimes months where I don't feel that I need medication.

But then when I was writing my book and dealing with like, you know, I had a massive family event happened like right at the same time I signed my book contract, and that was the time when stimmul that medication really like was a very effective tool to get

me through that. So thinking about kind of removing the shame around that, I think a lot of people like they feel like, Okay, if I don't biologically need this to live and to keep my heart beating or like manage my thyrote or something like that, then I'm using a cheat code or something like that. But I do think that you know, the way your ADHD presents is going to change and fluctuate based on the vironment you're in, and if you're in a career that has a lot

of interest and structure. You might do better without medication, but then if you are not you might need it. Or if you are at home with kids all day, it's a lot. Your life is a lot different than someone that's going to an office, you know, So thinking about your environment and kind of understanding that your life is going to shift and change, and your environment's going to change, so your tools might need to change too.

communicate in the same way. I also find ADHD people so interesting because we're so curious that Like, I love being able to talk to someone and they tell me, like all the info dump on the subject they've been hyper focusing on. Like, I love that I get to learn from all these people and all their stories and all their interests, and it just really makes my life feel colorful and fun.

And there was a particular time when my friend was asking me if I wanted to do something, you know, on a few days time, and he'd asked me a couple of times. I hadn't read the message because it was this massive week and I couldn't fit, and I was like someone was waiting on an answer on dinner that night, and he was waiting for an answer on that and I was feeling really chaotic, and often I would just go, I'll I'll just get to that one, and it was just beautiful to go he gets this.

So I get to write back to him and go, hey, I just can't make a decision right now, and he's like, it's okay, you can just wake up Saturday and tell me if you feel like it, if you want. And I was like, oh, I don't think I've ever realized it's an option to say that to someone and black, I can't make a decision for no reason but the fact that the decisions too much for me now, and it's small things like that. It's so funny. But I was like, oh God, I love you. I love that.

because they're probably real things that are happening. But finding the people that you don't have to over explain with, you know, that are still going to look at you, but like, but huh, you know, like there I remember conversations i'd had before I knew I had ADHD where people would be like, whoa, why are you like this?

I mean, like not always in such a like Kurt tone way, but they're like, I don't understand you, and I know those people that understand you, and it's amazing, And like you said, just being able to tell him the real reason versus trying to come up with the socially like kind of neurotypically acceptable reason is so nice. Yeah.

can people find you and follow you online? And is there anything else you'd like to promote?

can find that just about anywhere. And then I create on Instagram quite regularly, and I'm also writing on substack and my Instagram is Hummingbird Underscore ADHD and my substack is it All makes Sense? ADHD insights amazing.