¶ Discovering Completeness in Relationships
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Let Casey's help you add beauty to your home . Welcome to the Rock Solid Family Podcast . This is Merle Hutchinson , alongside of the woman that completes me , linda .
How are you doing today Completes you . Where's that coming from ?
Remember that movie ? Jerry Maguire Got that , doesn't she or he says that to her , tom .
Cruise , you mean yeah . Tom Cruise , Like you complete me , since when are you into chick flicks ?
I'm not , but I see you throw that around . Well , but never mind , throw that around now and then .
Well , but never mind , because you're wrong , because that wasn't the line that got her , it was actually after he goes through this whole scenario and he ends with you complete me . She said shut up , you had me at hello , so you didn't even really have to say anything but hello .
Wow , welcome to Rock Solid Family's podcast . This is Merle .
Hutchinson . What does that have to do with anything ?
Hello Linda , that has nothing .
Does that have anything to do with what we're talking about today ?
It has everything to do with what we're talking about . Like , what do you mean ? The idea that you complete somebody ? The idea ? That I have to have somebody to complete me , the idea that I'm not sufficient by myself and so I have to rely on somebody else to make me a whole person .
Sometimes in our counseling world we think about that as enabling , or codependency , I'm sorry . Codependency where you know without you I'm nothing , and so that's a dangerous place to be .
But it also kind of perpetuates the lie as well , that the enemy has convinced us that we have to be enough , that we should have it all together . We should be able to complete you , and whether it be our partner , our kids , our boss , we are not enough , and that's the good news that we're here to talk about today .
So you were never meant to complete me or me complete you , that's disappointing . No one really is designed to do that except God , and so that's a huge , huge topic that especially women struggle with , so feeling like they're not enough .
Yeah , and let's hover on this for a second , all right , because the idea here is , um people like to feel um whole and complete and solid , like I've got it all together , so you'll hear that phrase , like I've got my stuff together Right , and so that is a , a phrase of I feel complete , okay , and so it is a natural desire for people to want to do that ,
and they'll do different things and have people in their life to seek that completion . I finally got the job I want .
Now I'm complete , I finally have the kids .
I finally , and once they get that they realize I'm not quite there yet Like what happened , and so um , yeah , and so ultimately , you , you can only become complete when we talk about what we're going to talk about .
Yeah , exactly , but before we want to tackle that , we want to thank our sponsors .
We want to thank Casey's Outdoor Solutions , maxwell Construction and the Hoosier Ice House for coming alongside us here at the Rock Solid Families podcast , but also our organization , rock Solid Families , and if you're not familiar with Rock Solid Families , we would love for you to check us out at rocksolidfamiliesorg .
We are a faith-based coaching organization located in the greater Cincinnati area that works with individuals and couples and families , really trying to help them get unstuck right To find their wholeness and their health and hope in Christ and His Word .
So , yeah , yeah , we won't complete families , but we will hopefully direct them to a place where they can find greater completeness in this Completeness .
Yeah , Before we get into our topic , I don't want to forget we are in a rhythm now of every fourth Saturday we offer a Families Rock parenting class for the greater Cincinnati community . It's located , actually , in Lawrenceburg , indiana , at the firehouse the Lawrenceburg firehouse at Tate Street .
It's from 8.30 to 12 pm in the morning , and our next class is going to be on May 25th , and so this class is for any adult . We don't have childcare , but it could be a co-parenting situation . Maybe you and your spouse aren't on the same page when it comes to parenting . We would love for you to join us . We have had some great , great response .
And , hun , man , it's a small number so it really makes you feel like a small group . You can ask your questions but you're not feeling like you're all alone in this parenting thing . And , man , you had some great feedback . You covered for me last weekend and , man , the response was pretty crazy what the folks were coming back saying after they were done .
Well , you know , we asked some people to go there because , well one , it's a great bang for the buck , right , they're getting like three hours of counseling or coaching all at one sitting and they only have to pay the $175 fee .
So that's one reason why Not $175 , but $75 . Yeah $75 .
And so it's a great value . But also we are involved with the courts and sometimes our court system says hey we think you could benefit . So they recognize that people can benefit and they send them there . But sometimes people don't want to be there , like when they're court sent and part of our job is to say hey , you know what ?
We're in here with you , we're still raising kids and I told the class before anything that you hear me say is not going to come out of a textbook . It's going to come because I get it . I feel the frustrations . Here are different things that we do and we try and I think that right away people connect to that .
I can see these guys are in the trenches just like I am .
We are . We are in the trenches . One respondent said and these were anonymous evaluations . One said I wish I would have taken this class 15 years ago and another one said . A different one said I believe every parent should go through this class , so that was quite a compliment . So thank you for taking care of that . But why this topic ?
I don't know you selected it . No , actually it kind of runs on the heels , Our last show that we did was the whole idea of bringing out the best in your spouse , and we do want the best out of our spouses .
We want to be the best for our partner as well , as we'd like to have them to be the best for us , but no matter how good they are , and so , even though your partner's doing everything they can , you're just going to find yourself at times frustrated or being feeling empty or not complete , and so this is kind of the other side of that .
Okay , this is kind of almost part two of let's move you one step farther to finding that completeness .
Yeah , and I had the privilege of speaking a few weeks ago to a group of women and the feedback I got and I talked about this topic was so encouraging and confirming that this is a much-needed topic . There were hundreds of women there and the feedback that I got was man , I needed to hear that , or I should have heard that a long time ago .
And so what we're gonna talk about this week is the limits of what God calls us to do in relationships . And , for the record , it isn't your spouse or your boyfriend who are called to complete us , right , that's not their job . And when we expect any relationship to fulfill that role , we set that relationship up for disappointment and failure and even failure .
So we just want to make sure we are on the same page of okay , what is relationship's job ? What is our job ? What is God's job ? So , yeah , we're really here to help you because , especially women hun , I hear it all the time- Right . I feel like a failure . I feel like I'm not enough . I feel like I'm not doing enough . Um , I'm not strong enough .
I should be able to handle it all , and man , it is just Pretty scary yeah .
And hun . I'll go one step farther with this . Definitely , men and women can struggle in these areas , but I'll see something slightly different coming out of the men and the men I think by their nature is I don't need anyone else .
Yeah , that's true .
And so they become a bit of an island . But something that I'll get as a strand of commonality in many men is they will become arrogant , prideful . I can do this , I don't need anyone else , I'm good at everything I do . I didn't make that mistake right .
That's their fault , and so they get a false sense of completing themselves , and they do that by basically deferring or pushing off any of the things that might indicate that they're not complete .
Yeah , that are hard yeah .
And so it can kind of work both ways .
One person could be totally codependent and need everybody else in the world to hold them up totally codependent and need everybody else in the world to hold them up , and another person could look like they've got it all together and be totally covered with lies and arrogance so that they don't seem like they're going to fall apart .
Yeah , that's a great point . Great point , hon . Those insecurities . Sometimes the men will double down and get hardened or kind of like close people off when really they're just hurting . Yeah .
It's where I developed the phrase early on are you coachable or not ? Are you coachable or not ? Because really so often the people who are hurting and the women , they'll come in and say I need something and many times the men will come in . I don't even know why I'm here .
I'm not , you know , she made me come here , yeah , and so so , again , it's like it's two different sides of the same coin in terms of just how it shows itself , but both of them show that all right . We have a misunderstanding on how completeness actually takes place .
Yeah , and there's a disclaimer in here , because we're not advocating in this show victimhood . We're not advocating . We believe God gives us what we need , to put our faith into action . So he's not calling us to sit paralyzed in fear or blame everybody else . Right , and so 2 Timothy 1.7 says what .
Let me find it here God has not given us a spirit of fear , but a power and of love and of sound mind . God has given us this right , and the idea that I have all these things and I created them of myself really misses the mark , because you are going to find that you don't have everything that you need , even that arrogant guy .
I've said so many times before no such thing as a cocky old man , because at some point in time he comes to the end of his rope and realizes man . I don't know everything I thought .
I did , yeah . Philippians 4.13 says I can do all things through Christ , who gives me strength . It does not say I can do all things myself . So recently , hun , there was a sweatshirt that kept popping up on my feed and it's because I clicked on it , I guess , and it was supposedly for Suicide Prevention Month , which is- .
You don't want to know what keeps popping up on my feeds .
Stop it . What does that mean ?
Replacement parts for campers . Okay , I mean , it's like I'm getting all kinds of things , Replacement parts for campers Like where did you think I was going with that ?
Well , when you said replacement parts , I thought you meant for your knee .
Well , that's for my body parts too . Your body parts are falling apart , but anyway , let me get back on track .
So Suicide Prevention Month is not even around now it's in September . But the sweatshirt said on the front you are enough . And then on the back it says , dear person behind me , the world is a better place with you in it . Love the person in front of you .
And so I was thinking like , okay , that's great if the person in front of you is kind , but what if the person in front of you cuts you off at the grocery or flips you off in the parking lot , like does that void . What they said , you know , is that going to put somebody in a downward spiral because the sweatshirt wasn't speaking the truth .
And , yes , the world is a better place with you in it . I'm not going to lie , but it's because of God who God made you to be , not what someone wearing a really funky sweatshirt says .
Yeah , can I tag onto that too , that it's even better when you and I are equally yoked and knowing why God put us here , so that it's not about me just in service to you , it's about me serving you because I'm trying to honor God .
Yeah .
Right , and so my motivation is slightly different . If it's just to honor you so that you'll be good to me , right , it's kind of twisted .
You scratch my back , I'll scratch yours , right , right .
But the idea is like no , I'm here to honor my family and God and all of these different things .
When we realize , when we start to internalize that God has made us on purpose , for a purpose man , that is powerful . Hannah , I have a client she's actually an international client and in her culture she really did not grow up with God being the center of their family , and so she really doesn't even acknowledge that God created her .
I mean she'll say her mom and dad did . And again , I get it . That's her mom and dad's DNA . But she doesn't see herself as fearfully and wonderfully made , and I shared this scripture with her in Psalm 139 .
¶ God's Purpose for Our Lives
And I want to share it with you guys , because there may be someone listening that doesn't believe that either , that doesn't believe that they were made on purpose for a purpose . And so Psalm 139 , verse 13 , says and so Psalm 139 , verse 13 , says made in the secret place .
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth , your eyes saw my unformed body . All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be , and so I just can't imagine . You know this should be good news . God doesn't make junk .
This is so good news , but I think sometimes it is stuck in a church reading and is not actually applied . So what does it actually mean ? Right , what does it actually mean ? And so , just as you're reading that , I'm thinking first off God's fingerprint is on you .
And when I sit there and think about all my years back in the schools and I think about how often many kids did not really think they were very wonderfully made .
Because , many kids had learning disabilities or had problems making friends or keeping friends or got in trouble , and so they were reminded and bombarded with I messed up right , so God did make junk in their mind oh , man made a mistake .
Yeah , and so that messaging of the world , and again , like I came from the school world , but I can tell you that in the social setting we can let the , the masses speak to and identify who we are and name us and label us and instead , like this verse here in Psalm , is just the whole idea of back off . I made you perfectly .
Now you have to connect with God to start to understand what that perfection looks like . Right , your purpose , right and your service .
And all those things . Yeah , I mean , we were not created to do life on our own . He did not design us to be enough , otherwise we wouldn't need God right To be omniscient , which is all-knowing , and be omnipotent , which is all-powerful , and to be omnipresent , which is all-present .
That power is reserved for God , the Father , god the Son and God the Holy Spirit . Why is it that we think that we should be all-knowing or all-powerful and strong enough ? You know how ? We should be able to know it all , be able to do it all , be everywhere for everybody . That's exhausting just thinking about it , and God never designed us to be that way .
So the lie is that we are enough , but the lie is also that , if we're not , somebody else , can make us enough right so there's kind of two things that we see people buy into yeah , um , yeah , you know .
The arrogant man says I am enough right , and the just falling apart person says , like it's you that's going to make me whole and this lie is the oldest lie in the world .
This is the the oldest lie since the beginning of man . I mean , it was .
Adam and Eve .
This is the fall of man , where Eve believed the lie that she could become like God if she ate of that forbidden fruit , and so even the fallen angel , lucifer , was trying to be like God , and so we are still falling into that same trap , trying to be something that God never designed us to be , and that is enough on our own . That's the lie .
Yeah , let me read Ephesians 2 . Ephesians 2 , this is verses 8 through 10 . And this is where we start to feel the humbleness that it's going to take to go to this next level of completing ourself through God , it says , for it is by grace you have been saved . So this grace , something you don't deserve it's a gift Unmerited favor .
Yeah , so it's been through grace that you've been saved , through faith , and this is not from yourselves . It is the gift of God , not by works , so that no one can boast , for we are God's handiwork , created in Christ Jesus to do good works , which God prepared in advance for us to do .
And so , right away , when I start to recognize wait a minute , I am here for purpose and God has given me this . Now it's my job is to chase him . To chase after what does he desire for me ? What did he give me ?
Like you know , I think there's times when we go through life and we go , not sure that guy has a purpose , you know , and that's our own short-sightedness , and sometimes we get stuck in places where we don't feel ourself Like . I'm just not in .
I'm a square peg in a round hole right , and so part of our job is to not let the world influence us so that we choose pathways that do complement what God made us to be .
Yeah . So he doesn't want us to walk around all puffed up and bragging on our abilities and strengths , because God is the one that gave him to us and he's the one that can take him away . And so it says so that no one can boast . But God also doesn't want us to become self-deprecating either , where we undervalue what . God created us to be .
So that false humility , that's not of God either . So he doesn't want you to beat yourself up and like oh , I'm just not great at anything , you know .
I'm not enough . Like that's not what God's intention here . Well , that's a slap in God's face , right , Exactly Like he did make junk .
Look See , I'm the example of it , yeah , no , either side , either extreme is not what God wants for us .
Yeah , romans 12 , one through three . Therefore , I urge you , brothers and sisters , in view of God's mercy , to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice , holy and pleasing to God . This is your true and proper worship .
Do not conform to the pattern of this world , and that's what I was talking about with the schools and everything else telling us what I am , but be transformed by the renewing of your mind . Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is his good , prove what God's will is his good , pleasing and perfect will .
Verse three then says for , by the grace given me , I say to every one of you do not think of yourself more highly than you ought , but rather think of yourself with sober judgment , in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you . Right and this is just a check . This is a check on okay , who are you ?
And whenever I answer that , I need to answer that in reference to God . Who am I ? Well , according to God , this is who I am .
Yeah . So , again , don't be conformed by the pattern of this world .
Like you said , hon , to offer ourselves as a living sacrifice , that we would , in everything that we do , whether it be at school , at work , in our family , with our friends , walking on the street , going to the grocery that we would act as if this is a form of worship , Like I want to honor you , god , with whatever I do .
And when I fail , when I fall short , then I really lean on 2 Corinthians 12 , 9 . It says my grace is sufficient for you , for my power is made perfect in weakness , and Paul says so . Therefore , I'm going to boast all the more gladly about my weakness so that Christ's power may rest on me .
So , ladies and gentlemen , when we're tempted to try to be all that , or to have it all together , or to do everything somebody , sometimes we kind of don't give God the credit , we don't let God work , and so we can admit like I don't know or I can't do it or I'm not enough , and that's where we say but God is enough , god is enough , and so that's where
we can be that testimony of God being the hero of our story and he being the strength and the knowledge and the wisdom we need .
Mm-hmm . You know , sometimes we're here , we are , we're talking about our daughter getting ready to graduate and we're trying to help her . Just like the next path , do you go to school ? What would you study at school ? All of these different things , and I still find myself letting the world weigh in on how I advise .
Well , is that going to make you much money ? Well , what's that going to ? You know what I mean , and so I have to be very conscious as a parent to help them . Hey , you know , go to your gifts . Go to your gifts . Go to the things that really make your heart beat the things that your mind keeps thinking .
Beat the things that your mind keeps thinking about . Right , you just keep gravitating towards , but that doesn't make any money . That's where my faith comes in . That's where my faith comes in . I don't know how that plays out , but God will provide .
He takes care of us , and that's not trying to be flippant like well , I don't have to do anything because , God wants us to always be in pursuit and to work , but we have to be careful of letting people who are not godly guide us in our decision making of our path for life and then ultimately , we put our trust in him .
One of the things that greatest gifts I got and I've shared the story before from Mother's Day was from our oldest son , where he was going through buds and he was going through Hell Week and he had written on the top of his hat God is bigger .
And he gave me a gift after Hell Week was over and he sent me this card with this picture and it had his SEAL team class and it had his thing on the hat . And he said Mom , card with this picture and it had his , his SEAL team class , and it had his thing on the hat . And and he said , mom , you gave me something that couldn't be taken away .
Right .
And when I felt like ringing the bell and giving up , I would look up and see that hat . And man , I'm like man , that's . That's where you're like , you're not enough .
Well , going through buzz and going through hell Week will make and that's the purpose of it to make every guy feel like I don't think , I'm enough . Yeah , and they want to see you go dig even deeper . Dig deeper , and how are you going to find your way through this ? And so that was certainly a great realization on his part .
God is enough .
I'm going to have to rely on him . I'm not sure how I'm going to get through today , and that's what topped in and that's what helped him succeed .
So I'm so thankful . So hopefully this has been helpful .
Again , we know that every story is different and if there's something that we can help you with here at Rock Solid Families , we would love for you to reach out to us , because we walk alongside folks going through this kind of situation all the time , where they don't feel enough , where they feel overwhelmed , they feel like they've been a failure or they just
can't get together . And so let us help you . We would love to point you to the one who is enough , and that's where we find our strength and that's who we trust in .
Yeah , I mean if you find yourself buried in a lot of anxiety and even depression . You have to remember that all anxiety , the root of it , comes from confusion . I don't know what to do . I don't know , what to do and I put a little pressure on that . And the next thing . You know , I become anxious .
And so to help alleviate that confusion , finding your purpose , your place , your path in life is just so , it's a gift right To go . You know , I don't know how this is going to turn out , but I know I'm on the right road .
Yeah , and the anxiety starts to diminish and so yeah , if we can help with that that is just a huge opportunity for you to grow yeah , and you're so right , hon .
And the peace that comes when you finally have that purpose and understanding of who God is and who you are and how he created you . So we would love again to walk alongside you . So give us a call at 812-576-ROCK that's 812-576-7625 . Or you can reach out to us at rocksolidfamiliesorg and just hit the contact button .
All right . We want to thank again Maxwell Construction , casey's Outdoor Solutions and Hoosier Ice House for sponsoring the Rock Solid Family podcast . So thanks again for listening to the Rock Solid Families podcast . Building a stronger community , one family at a time . Make it a great day .
Rock Solid Families would like to thank Hoosier Ice House for being a proud sponsor of the Rock Solid Families podcast . In the heart of historic Lawrenceburg , Indiana , the Ice House is at the corner of Vine and High Streets .
The historic building evokes a feeling of comfort , with spacious indoor and outdoor dining , a large bar and comfortable dining areas Large enough to host parties , yet intimate enough to feel like your favorite neighborhood restaurant . So thank you again for the Hoosier Ice House for sponsoring the Rock Solid Families podcast .