¶ Navigating Integrity and Setting Standards
What's going on ? Riverside Youth man ? We are here for another episode on the Youth Podcast , and it's me , pastor Josh , and we got my good friend .
Juan Rios Jr .
Juan Rios Jr , and so we're excited for this episode . And a couple of weeks ago at our youth nights , I preached a message and at the end of the message we kind of had every student just write on a card . And so we got a stack of cards here , a lot of them .
We just went over these and basically what I had students write on these cards were just something like their sin that they're dealing with , which we all got sinned , we all got stuff going on in our life , and so there was a lot of stuff just on this card and we're not going to go through all these because I think there's like 60 to 70 cards here .
Yeah , there's probably about six or seven podcasts in there .
Yeah , seriously . So there's a lot of stuff in this , but I think I just want to start . I just had you read through these . What are your just initial thoughts ? Like just off the top of your head , like whatever guide is speaking to you , like , what do you think about all the stuff that's going on ?
It was kind of heartbreaking just because there were a lot of different topics on there .
I mean , there was suicide , there was loss , there was sexual things , there was people smoking weed and dealing with drugs and temptation and loss of identity and not knowing who they are or being somebody else around certain people , A lot of cussing , a lot of relationship problems with family members .
It was a lot to take in at once because there was so many different topics . You're like oh wow , it's just a lot to take in . It's kind of rough to believe that our youth is struggling like that , but it's not surprising either .
Yeah , and so kind of just what I want to talk about , because I think just all those things that you just touched on right there just relate to this idea of kind of integrity , and what I mean by that is having moral standards for yourself , and I think students , I think humans lack that .
And being able to stand up for them .
Yes , I think we lack the ability to have our own standards for our life . We think we'll have standards for a relationship , maybe , or standards for what I want to eat in life , but I think we need to have standards for everything else , like who do I want to be , how do I want to act , what do I want to get involved in ?
And I think a lot of these things is cussing . You can have a standard for cussing Don't do it . You can have a standard for drugs . I don't want to go where drugs are because I know I will get involved with it , and so let's talk about just integrity , maybe . How have you had it in your life ? Maybe standards ? Maybe you put up boundaries .
How have you maybe navigated that in your life ?
So two words that are real dear to me , OK .
Honor and integrity .
You can't really read it because it looks sideways . But if you do read them this way , this one does say honor .
OK .
This one does say integrity . Yeah , the reason I had done that was because at one point when I had my custom shot , I was making so much money and it was going so fast that I lost track of my family and it almost cost me my marriage .
So when I shut it down God had kind of put it back in my path like 10 years later , and I was so worried about going down the wrong path again that I had tattooed honor and integrity on here , knowing that if I was ever to be in that spotlight again with photos and newspaper articles and magazine articles , I would always remember to try to live my life
with integrity . So integrity for me was doing the right thing when you know it might cost you everything . Sometimes you have to come clean on some stuff and you have to have that hard conversation . You have to call your pastor and be like hey , I don't think I should preach this month because I fell into a trap of watching pornography again .
You know what I mean . I've had to have those conversations on a Wednesday on my way to church Not comfortable , but it's something that if you don't expose , it's just going to beat you up even more . So having a standard for yourself and being able to stand on that , no matter what , is living your life with integrity .
You know , what I mean , knowing that it might cost me a relationship , but I can't hang out with you .
You know what I mean .
Or hey , if you're going drinking , I'll come pick you up if you need a ride . But I'm not going with you because I don't want to get drunk .
You know what I mean ? Well , it's finding what your limit is , finding out what you want to get rid of , and that's why I think I had students write on these cards , because you're taking pen to paper and you're writing out this is what I need to fix , and I think that's the first step figuring out . Ok , what do I need to fix .
You realize I slipped up called my pastor hey , and that's the second step , acknowledging it to somebody else . And that's why I said during this message , I said first you need to figure out what it is , because we all got something , everybody's got something .
We all compromise somehow . Yes .
And then the second thing you've got to do is you've got to then deal with it . And I think that's the hard part is now that students have acknowledged what it is that they are doing wrong , whether it's cussing , drinking , vaping , maybe their thoughts in their head , which sometimes we can't control those but we can do something about it .
How do we then do the second step and act on it ? How do we deal with it ? How do we stop it ? How do we put up boundaries to not do that anymore ? Does that make sense ?
Well , the act part is the scariest part , I think .
Oh 100% .
Because now you have to admit it and you have to deal with it .
Right .
If you can't admit it , you'll never be able to deal with it . And if you can't deal with it . You'll never overcome it Right . You'll have to compromise in your morals and your standards and the things that you have planned out for your life and the things that you want to walk out .
I think knowing who you are and what you want out of life helps you balance that out to the point where I think it makes it easier to be able to say , okay , wait a minute , I'm getting off course or hey , this isn't what God's calling me to do . Like this doesn't line up with who .
I am or who I want to be .
If it doesn't , then you have to make adjustments . It's like saying you want to be a police officer but you're running with gang members . You really don't want to become a police officer because you would be putting yourself in that position , because if you end up with a charge , you're not going to be able to reach things that you want to do .
So you have to set a standard for yourself and be able to say hey look , man , I like you and I know that you're down with these gangs and stuff , whatever . You know like . I'll catch you at my house on the weekends if you want to come over , get away from all that stuff . But as far as me , I can't roll with you .
You know , and that's just so hard , especially for , I think , teenagers , even for those that don't really know who they are . A lack of identity , I think , is so dangerous to a person Not knowing who you are , not knowing where you fit in , not knowing what you're supposed to be doing . So you're like I'll just you know roll with it .
Yeah , let me just see .
Yeah , yeah , exactly , let me see if this works for me , or let me see if that works for me , or everybody else is vaping , maybe that'll help , or you know , and it's like , just because something works for somebody else doesn't mean it's for you . You know what I mean , and that could go with anything .
Just because you see somebody else going down a certain path doesn't mean that that's a path for you to go down . You know you have to choose what life you want for yourself and you have to work hard at making that so . Like you have to work hard at it .
It's like saying you know you want to be a bodybuilder , but you don't want to go to the gym and work out .
Well , you don't want to be a bodybuilder , then you know what I mean , like exactly , exactly , and I think that's just what I think this generation is missing the most is that they get so caught up in the idea of peer pressure , and I think that keeps them where they're at .
I think too , it's easier to just go along with the peer pressure than it is to stand against it , right ?
Because it's lonely .
Yeah , sometimes it is lonely saying I'm not gonna do that . Yeah , for sometimes even saying like hey , I'm not judging you or nothing , but I'm not going down this road . Or hey , I think that this is dangerous , so I'm not gonna do it .
You know , you could really impact somebody's life that way too , because then it makes them look at man , okay , why did they say that ? Like , I respect this person , I like this person , like all of a sudden , wow , they don't want to do that , no more . Like I don't get it , like what's up .
Yeah .
And that could really impact more people by you standing up and having integrity could really be a barrier eye-opening . Then you just going along , right , because everybody else is just going along .
Right ? Well , you know what I just ? I just thought of this idea and it popped into my head and I think I've heard it from somewhere before . But nothing easy is actually probably good for you If it's hard that makes sense , if it's hard , it's probably good for you .
Eating ice cream every day is easy , yeah , and that's why I'm thinking of healthy for you ?
Definitely not healthy for you , but that's what I'm thinking of falling in the crowd , it's easy . Oh , it's so much easier so easy , but going against the crowd is hard , but see . So going with the crowd is easy , but it's not gonna be beneficial for you .
So how do you raise the standard ?
Exactly Because it's gonna be when it's hard for your life , when something's hard to do .
It's gonna cost you everything .
It's costing you everything , but it's also building that integrity in you .
It's building your moral ground and it's gonna gain you everything .
And it's gonna get you everything . And I think that's the hard part is we want to take the easy route . Students want to take the easy route because it's easy .
Yeah .
Humans do , not even students . Humans do , we do .
Yeah .
Everybody wants to find the easy way out . We want to find the easy road , we want to find the easy path , but that's not the path that's gonna strengthen us . That's not the path that's gonna lead us to where God has us , you know .
Yeah .
And I think that's where we need to go , where students just need to go against the crowd , so that way that they can fight against that , so that they can strengthen themselves and that they can keep pushing forward
¶ Consistency and Breaking Habits
.
No for sure . Everybody wants to run a 5k , but nobody wants to walk a block . Nope , it's like you can't do it . No , you have to get up , you have to start walking , you have to start running , you have to kick in that consistency so that it could have both up endurance . You know what I mean .
The consistency is the huge word that you just said , because I feel like I've preached this so many times is that students or people will try it one time ? We'll try it , we'll try it . We'll try for one day not to cuss . We'll try one day not to think negatively , or we'll try one day not to have suicidal thoughts .
And if God doesn't answer us in one day , we give up . We give up and we're done . Well , it's like well , that's not even worth it . But I think God works if you work . And the thing about working is you can't just do it for one day . You can't show up to your job for one day and expect to get the pay raise .
Right .
You can't show up to your job for one day and expect your boss's praises , but you never show up .
The week after Right .
It's the same thing with God . God's not gonna give you everything in the world if you only show up one day and say I'll try for one day , because then that's an act of testing God . And God says don't test me .
Yeah .
Do not test me , have faith in me . And I think that's just the consistency aspect that a lot of us miss is that we want to be , we want to have God do something in our life . We want all of these things to disappear . We want these to be gone .
We don't want to cuss anymore , we don't want to vape anymore , we don't want to do drugs anymore , but then we do it for maybe a day and then we give up . I remember I preached the week after I had students ran this card and I said I said I guarantee you , some of you tried this week to not do these things and you failed .
And I saw so many heads go up Yep , I tried and I failed . But it's consistency . How can we be consistent ?
They say it takes three to 45 days to build a habit , so you could only imagine how much more it takes to break one .
Exactly , and we have so many things in here that I think students are looking to break , and so we got a few minutes . Let's break down some of these . I think one of the biggest things we saw in here was cussing . What's your talk on cussing ? Where do you stand on that ?
That's dangerous . I'll tell you . Let's talk about it . So I came out of a real fast life in New York and out there , if you don't drop an F bomb , you're just not talking .
You know what I mean .
Like every other word is an F bomb and it's just the culture of it . You know what I mean . You know like it was so hard , like when I go to New York . At times my wife would be like when we first started going to New York she's like you're like a total different person .
And we're up here and I'm like , well , no , because I don't want to get mugged or messed with .
You know what ?
I mean , so you have to walk the walk , so other people know , oh , it's from New York . Like , leave them alone . You know what I mean . I said so yeah , I do walk different , I do talk different , I do act different , because it's the culture and the environment that I'm around . So I had the same heart , so I had the same goals .
I just I felt like I needed to do that as a mechanism of defense .
¶ Cursing's Impact on Language Choices
I also used to think that . So with that , I used to curse a lot and in order for me to get out of it , one thing that I started doing with my students that we were teaching through the program that we were running at the shop was every time you heard somebody cuss , you would yell out Green Apple . And everybody would say Green Apple .
And you're like , what did I say ? And they were like you did that . You said this and I was like , oh my bad , you know , yeah , so Green Apple was like a telltale of dude . You said it again without really being offensive or degrading to somebody . It was just to bring you attention that you said it .
And then you're like oh man , and it really helped a lot as far as breaking that habit Because you noticed how much you did it .
You know what I mean , and it was like man I got to like chill out .
I got to cut this out . Now , a while back , my thought on cursing was and this is where . Don't take this as advice for yourself . This is just where I was at . To me , curse in the Bible was like I hope you get leprosy and die . Like that was a curse . Back then that was a curse .
So when they says you know , like , don't curse in the Bible , I'm like back then they didn't have F bombs and you know , they just didn't have that . So how could they say that that's cousin . You know , what I mean . It does say don't let any crude language come out of you Like I hear that and I get that today .
But then my thing on cursing was if I'm in Puerto Rico or in Spain , I'm going to speak Spanish . If I'm in Italy , I'm going to speak Italian . If I'm out here on these streets , I'm going to talk streets . So if I have to catch somebody's attention and if a F bomb has to drop from , be like wait what ?
You know I used to think that that was the way that I would just reach people , but over time I come to learn that I could still reach those people without having to do that . You know what I mean . And when I started like focusing more on that , I really still got to open up more opportunities and more doors , easier way for me to reach people .
Because then they were like you know , but you know , like you're cool with this lifestyle and you like you know a lot about it , but you're not about it . And I'm like , yeah , I'm not about that life anymore because I got delivered , you know what I mean Got got literally converted my heart differently .
You know so , like cursing is like so it's like a lazy thing to do , like when you have nothing else to do , or say like you're just going to drop a F bomb or whatever , just to like fill in space .
If you listen to these rappers these days , like all they're doing is just like filling in space , they could actually wrap those raps without them and I think it would sound just as clean , you know , just as tight .
But it's so common and so desensitized today that a lot of people are just like oh well , it's just lingo , it's just slang , it's just this , but I can guarantee you that when you stand in front of God , you're not going to drop a F bomb . I promise you not . You know what .
I mean You're going to be on your P's and Q's and you're going to be like no , let me make sure that , oh boy , I ain't saying nothing out of line . It's kind of like when your grandpa comes over , you don't mean like you ain't dropping an F bomb for the grandpa , because you're going to catch that back end .
You know what I mean , so like I tell , people live your life like if you're on your grandparents or on your future kids .
Yeah , Well , I mean , what do you want your kids to know ?
What do you want them to see and how ? What do you want them to say ?
about you .
¶ Language and Expressing Faith
Oh , it was a pod head or all you know .
All he did was cause , or you know he used to be people up , or when I think one of the things that you said that really just drew my attention is that , yes , you could have said it on the streets to fit in , right To fit in , and try to then teach them about the gospel and stuff .
But I think what's interesting is that I think God wants to use people who will stand out and look different .
Absolutely it's so easy .
when I see somebody custom , was like , oh , they're just trying to fit in when rappers are doing it , they're just trying to be like yeah yeah . And when I see or hear students do it , I'm just like they're just doing it because they want to fit in , Because they want to be cool . Yeah , I don't want to be cool .
When I was in high school , that's what I did . I cussed to be .
They want to seem tough .
I cussed to be funny . Like that was the main reason I did it , because I thought it was a fun knee and I thought people laughed at me . Yeah , and I think we get into this trap of where we're then just now fitting in when it's like God's not going to use you if you just fit in .
Yeah , because those people that you're hanging out with aren't going to see a difference . If you're going over there to some of your friends and saying , hey , you should come to church with me , it's really effing awesome , or it's the yeah they're going to be like wait you go to church , you go to church .
I act the same way you do , so why do I need to waste my time going to church ?
Right , right .
But if you go to , you go to that same group and you're like , oh , you guys should come to church with me , it's really awesome . And they're like I'm not effing going to that .
I'm like , no , no , bro , you should really like check it out , and you're chill with them and you don't use the same language and tone and attitude that they would maybe use , people will eventually see a difference .
Yeah , that's what you said , right , the consistency in your life . They respect it more .
They respect it more . And it's not saying that you can't I mean I slip up and cuss still to this day . Yeah , I still do it , and we're all people do it all the time and if we're going to be honest , I do it more than once a day . Probably Should I do it .
No , God it convicts me on that all the time , but I think we should not be doing it where we're using it on other people .
Right .
Right , and that's a big thing . I think we like to use it on other people . We like to use it when we're talking about people , and I think that's probably where students are and I don't know what they say about cussing and what they technically do , but I think it's just not the language you would want to use .
It's not it's not something that you would use to build somebody up . No , it's to tear somebody down right or to make something seem like it's just less than or not important .
It's so degrading and God doesn't want that for us and to me it looks bad , like like it's almost like soap in the mouth when I hear or see other people doing it more often than they should . It just makes you look bad , and I'm not trying to degrade anybody that custom I'm trying to make you feel that that's a conviction thing .
It just it really looks bad to people that see you doing it . They're like bro , come on , like there's other ways . You can say that there's a different way you can do that , and I think it's not healthy for yourself . And I think if you want to find that healthy lifestyle for yourself , you need to try to cut back on those things .
And I found a healthier version , probably myself , when I chose to stop saying those words on a consistent basis . Yeah , yeah because I used to do it enough to where it was enough , and when I realized I didn't have to say those things , I Eventually stopped saying them in the habit , just went away .
Yeah , and people take you more serious , exactly because they don't think you so he's not being casual .
Wait a minute . He's saying something right . What's he saying exactly ? Or what was it that made you change , or what changed you ? Another thing , too , is like I think people get real convicted by oh Well , I'm not going to church . Dude , you kidding me , I cost too much right like or I'm not going to church I vape , or I'm not going to church I .
You know I get high on the weekends right . Listen , god doesn't care about that exactly . God just wants you to show up as you are . He doesn't say like that , the same saying , oh , I'm gonna take a bath before I take a shower . Like no , you get in , there's dirty as you are , and you and you bathe yourself like you know , and that's it .
So you come to church as dirty as you are and let God heal you from that . I heard a pastor say this one time and I was like , oh , that's so good though he said . This kid came up to me , says pastor , you know , I want to come to church and I want to get saved , but I don't want to stop smoking weed . And he goes well , then don't .
And he's like wait what he's like , come to God , and if he wants that from you , guess what ? He'll take that desire from you , yeah , and he'll change it whenever you're ready , right , you don't , man ?
And I thought , man , that is so cool like come as you are , regardless of , and let God Heal you and change you and touch you , because we could preach at you all day long , we could even be on you all day long , and until you're ready to change , it doesn't matter .
Yep , so if we let you Grow on your own and we let you bump your head every once in a while . We're there to help pick you up and guide you through it , or whatever . When God says enough is enough , guess what you'll never touch it again ? Nope , because he said it was enough . You know I mean .
So like I think that we need to realize that , although we go through all these things , like we can't get to a point where we're so I Convicted , ashamed or feel so dirty that we can't come to God .
And I think that's where some churches make mistakes .
Yeah , they're like . Oh well , no , you drink or you know .
You , we don't want you . Yeah , until you're perfect , you got a girlfriend like you know you're having sex .
You're doing this like and it's like man Like you just throwing them away like you're talking . I'm like you're not good enough to be saved .
Yep , and that's not . That's not the case at all . And I think , as we kind of close out this episode Talking about that , because I think there's a stack of cards here where people probably think- I'm not good enough . I'm not good enough I don't qualify . I don't qualify . God can't
¶ God's Forgiveness and Redemption
use me .
Look at all the people God used in the Bible .
He used David King David .
David , he was not only , not only did he , was he a murderer ? Yeah , but he actually literally had an affair with somebody that was fighting for him , yep , and then set them out to get killed . So , like I mean , and God still did amazing things through them . You know , you have Moses . You stutter like he was not confident himself .
He always doubted himself .
He stuttered , he murmured . First one Adam leave . Yeah , the very first sin right exactly the fruit of the tree .
That's the only thing . He had one commandment one don't need to this tree . And he did it . The rest of the world is yours , just don't need of this tree and ate the one tree he shouldn't have .
so we all have stopped . Yeah , yeah but the thing that's beautiful about it is that God will still use you . Yeah , no matter what help , only if you come to him , only if you present yourself to him . Yeah and it's like what you said and I , you , you preach .
What I feel like I say every single Wednesday and Sunday is that we can say whatever we want to say . We can talk , yeah , all day long . We can do podcasts after pot . We can do a podcast every single day .
I took .
God sets that in your heart but until you decide , yep , until God really is my dad . There's nothing that we can say that can do anything , because students and people you have to be willing to make that change yourself for yourself for yourself .
So if you want to stop cussing , you got to make that change to stop cussing but the cool thing is you don't have to do it by yourself . No , that's where the church comes in , that's where people come in , because this church , at least Riverside Community Church , is a church that will accept you , no matter what you do you can smell like we .
You can have just gone to the club last night . You can be high in the middle of service . Yeah , we don't care , but as long as you're here , that's all we care about , because then we can help you on this journey . We can navigate this journey with you .
Yeah and that's the beautiful , that's the beautifulness of Jesus , because that's what he did this guy said one time .
He said , instead of praying that I change , why don't you sit at the foot of the cross with me until Jesus changes me ?
Okay , I'm like wow , that's crazy , because humans can't change anybody , we can't do anything .
We can't , we can't want it all day for you , all day .
We can pray all day well , and to receive it , yeah , it don't matter and that's the hard part , I think , at least in student ministry I'll give you a little insight in the student ministry for those of you watching or listening is that I think that's the hard thing , because Sometimes I feel like it takes students a little longer to want it , and I will admit
to that , because when I was a student it took me a long time to realize that I needed it like a long time . Yeah , yeah people were around me . I say I didn't have people around me . I had people around me who were trying to invest into me .
I had people in my life who were trying to lead me to , to to a church youth group , trying to lead me to a better life , and I didn't want it . And so it took me a while to realize , man , I need this to change , and it took me probably well until after high school to realize that yeah , and .
I think that's the hard part about student ministry is that you can see the potential in students . You can see the potential in people , but they just don't see it for themselves , nor do they they want it yet .
Yeah , they don't receive it yet .
And that's the , that's the sad thing , because I want students to want it themselves , because I , like I said , I can preach every Wednesday what God can do for you .
We can share our stories , what God has done for us , but there's nothing that's gonna be beneficial to anybody Until they decide to make that change themselves and the way that they have to do that .
I don't know that can do it as by having integrity in their life and like setting that standard for themselves , so that they could build themselves up to be able to be confident enough , yes , to be who they are .
Yes .
Oh , god's called them a bit yes .
And it takes a lot of work , and it takes a lot of effort .
It does a lot .
But the beautiful thing is that when you do take that energy and you take that word and you begin to do something about it and you begin to work on your life , you begin to work on vaping , cussing , sexual desires , suicidal thoughts , whatever else is in these cards , and you decide to work on it every single day . Give it to God every single day .
The crazy thing that's gonna happen is that God's gonna move , yeah , and God's actually gonna take it from you when you start to move and when you start to do something .
Absolutely and you're gonna be preaching one day when you're older and saying what God did in your life , and that's the beautiful side of Just what I think God can do and so many students lives , and what he can do in every person's life , but what he's done in our life right , and what we've seen him do in our life and so absolutely we're praying for every
student Just anybody , actually , I should say , that's watching this or listening to this , and we hope this was beneficial to you , and I guess what we'll say just as we close is that If you need anything , if you need prayer for anything , if you're walking through something that you're dealing with that you need help with , write it in the comments or reach out
write it Into the comments , reach out to us . Whatever you got to do to find that community to help you navigate what it is that you're walking through . So we love you , we're excited . I hope you enjoyed this podcast and we'll see you next time .