¶ Exploring Bullying and Its Impact
What is going on ? We are the Youth Podcast and we're so excited that you're here , whether you're watching , listening . This is episode five . Cinco we're five episodes into this and we're super excited . We've been talking about some amazing things , but my name is Josh . I have the honor of being the student pastor at Riverside .
This is my good friend , juan Rios . Jr A faithful leader here at Riverside for our youth and just 17 million other ministries that we have going on .
But we're excited , whether you're watching or listening right now and we're just going to continue some conversations Just around just life and just youth and just what they're hearing , and we've been answering questions , but the last two episodes we've just been talking about just different things that students are going through and walking through .
And so today on this episode , episode five , we're going to talk about something deep . It's kind of deep , but I think it's something huge going on right now and I think there's two parts to it and it's this idea of bullying . Bullying is so big right now , whether it's in school , whether it's in church , whether it's on the streets , at your house Online .
Online . Yeah , but bullying is just so big and I think I want to break it up kind of into two parts . One is if you get bullied , what's the navigating like , how do you go through that ? And if you are somebody who bullies , what's that look like ?
And so I don't know , just started off , what are your just first initial thoughts just on this idea of bullying and maybe those two parts that everyone you want to talk about .
So you know me , I have to imagine something and share it .
I love it .
So one thing I want to point out right off the bat is that the devil is a bully , oh yeah , and he tries to punk you , cheat you , put you out there and use you as much as he can 100% but if you stand up to him and you remind him that you're a child of God , the Bible says he must flee .
So , starting off with that little analogy , let's hop into this thing and see where it goes . Let's do it . Being bullied this might be our first beep . Be bullied sucks . You know what I mean . Like nobody wants to be bullied . Nobody enjoys it .
It's not like oh man , I can't wait to go to school today so I can get a wedgie and help from the locker , because that's what we used to do in middle school and high school . But these days it's battery .
But that's a wedgie . These days it's worse .
So I think that that's like nobody enjoys it . You shouldn't enjoy receiving it and I truly believe I really believe that bullies don't enjoy doing it . No , I think you're right I think they're hurting so bad and they're so embarrassed or ashamed that they're overcompensating for pain , distrust , anger , all their .
They're so mad at their situation oh , that now they're just taking it out . They have to give it to somebody else . So I don't believe that bullies enjoy it .
I don't think somebody wakes up today and is like oh man , I can't wait to go to school and bully somebody . I believe they get to school and something happens and they remind it and they trigger , and their trigger is I'm not going to let you hurt me either . So that's something to look at or consider if you're the one receiving the bullying .
Yeah , so I had . We had a bully in middle school , and I hope that this is past the what they call that when you have seven years that you can report a crime .
No .
I hope it's past the statute of limitations .
I'm sure we are .
So I was in middle school and her name was Bobby Joe and , believe it or not , she was a girl and she was the bully .
She was the bully .
And I feel so bad for this . She came up to one day and she was like wow , wow , wow . And I'm like Bobby Joe , today is not the day . I had just got a second D . I wasn't going to be able to play football that week . My girlfriend had just broke up with me like I just wasn't having a good day .
Middle school is hard . I was not having a good day . I was like not today , OK , Not today .
You could have tried me yesterday or maybe tomorrow , but today is not the day and I was like listen , just leave me alone . Blah , blah , blah , blah blah .
She just kept on , and , on , and on .
And I was like dude , if you touch me , I'm telling you right now , I'm going to lay you out . And you know what she did . She touched you Yep , that's what they always do .
I lost it and she was standing against the bleachers , against the locker room or the lockers , and I went to hit the locker , to scare , and she ducked that way and I accidentally hit her and she hit the locker and it knocked her out and I was like , uh , first of all , I just hit a chick .
You know what I mean . I just hit a girl .
Back then , right now , today , you still don't do that . No , never but back then that was like who ? Yeah , my Dean came over , grabbed me , took me in there , like why ? I said I promise I wasn't trying to hit her , I wasn't trying to hurt her , but yet it still hurt her . It did , yeah , and it's no different with bullying .
I might not be trying to hurt you , I'm just trying to make myself Known right , but at the same time you destroyed somebody , you know I mean . After that , after I came back from suspension , because I got suspended for five days , which I should have . I should have probably got ten days After I got back .
Every single class I had with Bobby Joe , they made us sit in the same take , like next to each other . Oh gosh and I'm like and she just couldn't stay . I mean , I really I wasn't a fan . Yeah , I was not a fan of Bobby Joe just because she was so mean , yeah and uh .
One day I came in and I could tell she was crying and I was like Wow , this girl's got feelings like what is going on . Whoa , wait a minute . Total different side to you that I've seen . Yeah , and I remember man , all I said was like , are you okay ? And she just lost it . Wow , and she opened up . Her mom was have dying of cancer .
Oh , I'm mad about that . Her dad had just passed away in a car accident . Wow during the summer . Yeah so she had a lot of pain , mm-hmm , she just didn't know what to do with it .
Yeah , she was just Brutal .
She's ripping it on you and after that , after , after I knocked her out . After I knocked her out . Dude , we were cool . It's heck . Yeah we finished that week . We talked , we hung out . We met at the mall one day and just hung out , yeah , and we really .
And then we went into high school and we really for like three years , man , we were real good friends . Yeah , she was real cool , you know , like she like understood it .
Her mom got better , so she was able to like Okay , yeah , you know right , it's gonna be okay , I realize so you can make a bully an ally by I .
¶ Praying and Forgiving Former Employee
Had this kid that kept Scratching my key in my car . Oh yeah , and it was a former employee of mine . I had fired him . He kept key in my car , my truck , the shop truck and , but I'd get so hot .
And one day I just came home and I just sat in the in the garage and I was crying Because I was just so angry right , I hated that I was angry because I'm a Christian , like I should be angry . Yep , and I'm aina comes out . She's like are you okay ? I'm like no , you know what ? I'm gonna get him back . I'll tell you what rah , rah , rah , rah .
I'm gonna pray for him right now . I'm gonna pray for him dude , I did and I stuck the Holy Ghost on .
I was like God .
I forgive him right now in the neighborhood Jesus . I pray Lord that you chase him down , that you say that you make him repent and turn his life around . That's hilarious . And do you know ?
Three years later , we went to go visit a church and I kept looking and I'm looking at my wife and I'm looking and she's like you know , that's T right , I'm just gonna leave it at that . You know that that's T right and I was like I thought it was , but he's like huge night , like he grew up .
Yeah , I mean , he's tall three years I mean a long time , yeah so I went up to him I was like , hey , what's up , man , I'm . You know , you say your memories like look like a deer in headlights . He's like , yeah , I said , uh , how long you been coming out of you . He's like for about a year I got saved and camp blah , blah , blah , blah , blah dude .
So it was awesome because , like , I was no longer angry at him . I was actually happy for him that right had eternal life now ? Yep , you know I mean .
So , like I Could have not prayed for him , I could have cursed him , yeah , I mean I could have been , like could have done it back to God let him get caught and go to jail and be accountable for yeah , you know , I mean yeah and and God just softened my heart , man , and that day I learned that , like when he says bless your enemies , he's saying like ,
pray for them , be there for them , turn the other cheek . Yeah hurt you once , let him hurt you again . Yeah , it talks about how many times should I let him do it ? Yeah , and he's like seven times seven . You know like , he just like just just let you keep doing it and it's like man Um I , but that's true love , yeah , that's .
That's a true Friend yeah that's a good friendship . Yeah , I mean like that'll that'll , that friendship will go strong .
Yeah .
Leading somebody to Christ . Man , I think people like when you , when you experience it and Like you , know that like your actions , like bought them to the table .
Yeah there's . Only God could save them Exactly you know , I mean only only God . God's the only one that can save . But knowing that you did that , yep .
It is so crazy because to me it's like the highest , high , yeah , like it's the best . I'm like oh man , this is great . And then , I'm like who else can I talk to ? And tell about Jesus I mean like , once you realize , like man , my decision got him to a place of Introduction . Mm-hmm said he could be introduced to the gospel .
You know , I mean like , and that's really where our evangelists have come from , because they enjoy that because they're like oh man , how many more can I bring ? in right , you know what I mean . So , like From the aspect of bullying , being the bully , I think that it comes from a lot of pain and hurt .
Yeah and I think that , as Christians or People being bullied , I think it would be important to realize that it's not personal . Yeah , it's not against you , it's true . Yeah , um .
We'll feel like it's against , oh , but especially if you get it hit , or you know , I mean like yeah , it does .
It feels like it feels real personal .
Yeah , I had a black eye says it was person . Yeah his fist .
Personally touch my face , you know like it but , um , if we could get past the personal hurt , yep , and open up Emotionally enough to be able to pray for that person or see if you could do anything or help that person out . Man , there's nothing great . It's not a greater feeling than that right .
And I think we don't want to diminish getting bullied no , not at all , I know or not happens .
¶ Understanding Bullying and Self-Reflection
I want to say too , if you are getting bullied say , something say something , talk to somebody , find somebody to say something To them because it's so important , because getting bull , it is not okay .
Yeah , and I'm not saying like , oh , if you're getting bullied , just keep turning the other cheek . No , no , I don't do something , say something .
Yeah , do something , say something , report it because it's so , so , so , so important , because it's like what we were talking about in the last episode . It's just like we're people . I think when you're getting bullied , you're so scared to say something because , you're gonna get bullied even more no .
Yes , that might be true , but ultimately , telling somebody in a leader position don't tell your friend and you can't because it's not gonna get you needed . If you're gonna tell your friend , have your friend tell somebody else , then tell a teacher .
You gotta tell a teacher .
Tell a coach or coach a mom dad and grandma and grandpa , whatever . Yeah , somebody else's parent like you got to do something .
Tell somebody in a leadership role to stop that , because Getting bullied , yes , they might be in pain , hurt , suffering , whatever they might have their mom might have cancer , their dad might have just died , whatever but it's still not okay for their actions and I didn't understand that .
So yeah , you don't understand after it , I was like , oh wait , you never .
You never understand that . And and there was a . There's a time where , see , I think for me I was never in a position of getting bullied . I like , I look back on my life and I don't think I ever personally had anybody really making fun of me . But what ? What I was was I was the bully . See , we lived in a .
My parents used to work at a children's home For kids who really didn't have a good home life , really just needed a , a space that they could go and live while their parents or grandparents got better , and so they had parents , they had relatives , but they just needed a space where they can go .
So my parents worked there and so I was around 10 just guys who just came from just hurting backgrounds , you know , and For me , like they never did anything to me , but I was this one that I would bully . And I remember this one kid I don't remember his name , but he was younger than me , he was skinny , he was just a white boy , nerdy , like we .
Just we would make fun of him all the time and I was the ringleader . And I remember this one specific moment .
He had come out to us and we were kind of just hanging out just by this tree and we were just chilling , me and my friends , a couple older guys we were all 16 , 17 , 18 at the time and he had come out and he was just being really annoying , like the typical junior high boy , just being annoying , and we were making fun of him , laughing at him and he ,
I think he started to cry .
Like we got him to cry and he walked away and I and I remember I had this ball in my hand and as he was walking away , I just remember Taking that ball and I don't remember if somebody told me to do it or if I was just like I'm gonna do it myself , but I remember taking that ball and I remember just Choking it at the back of his back like I just
chucked it and it was like a rubber ball .
So it hurt .
I had a good throw I'm . I made contact right in the center of his back and I just remember him like going like that just in pain and Just screaming and crying even more . I I remember that to this day and to this day I don't know where that kid is . Part of me , prays that he found Jesus .
I mean , it was a Christian home that he was a part of , so I pray he found Jesus and connected with them , but they're still a part of me . That is just so shameful in the actions that I had towards that kid and the only reason I remember doing that is because I just wanted to have a good laugh with my friends .
Yeah that's the only reason I remember doing that .
What would you do right now to be able to apologize to him ?
Oh , if I could find him and literally like face . If I would , I would apologize for everything that I did .
You know what I ?
mean I would literally apologize for every word that I said , because I know there's more than that that I don't Remember . Yeah , yeah , of course , but I would apologize for everything that I did . I would apologize . He probably , he probably doesn't even remember it .
Honestly , he might he might be listening to this right now . He might be listening to that .
I apologize for throwing that ball at your back . I feel so bad , but I Was just put in a position where I I made fun of people and that's not the only kid that I ever did that too . But I would make fun of people not necessarily to their face , but behind their back , and and I didn't have any big trauma in my life .
I didn't have really anything going on , it was just my idea of trying to fit in and I think a lot of times bullies , man , you either are the person who has trauma or you're just trying to be cool in front of your friends at that point in life , do you think that you knew who you were ?
No , no idea so a loss of identity and insecurity Calls you to find joy in Acting out a certain way .
Yeah , and I just like I had no idea who God had created me to be , so I was choosing to try to Fill that by making fun of me cool and being cool . Yeah , yeah , not cool . I was trying to be right . Right , if you're watching this , I'm doing air quotes because we're listening .
Doing air quotes because I wasn't being cool right and , and I think you're trying to fill a void in your life .
¶ The Impact and Importance of Love
Yes , I was trying to , and and that's why now , today , when I know who I am , I look back on those moments and I go , man , I regret it .
I really do , and I think if you're somebody who is listening or watching this and you've made fun of people , one day you're gonna feel that , yeah , and maybe you're gonna feel after watching this video and I hope you feel it that's not so bad , but I hope you feel that shame I hope you feel that guilt .
I hope you just look back on the things that you've said to people and just go , man , why did I do that ? Why did I choose to treat that person like that ? You know and , and and . God calls us to love everyone . You were talking about loving our enemies man , there's no hard . There's no bigger enemy other than Satan .
That is a bully right Like that's staring you face to face , like if you're with somebody that's making fun of you and you're you're called as a Christ follower to love that person who is literally either hitting you , cussing at you , yelling at you , making fun of you . It's hard to love that person .
It is hard , but God calls us to love everybody and I think just with your story we saw that .
Yeah .
You just chose to pray for that person that keyed your car .
Dude . But when I saw him three years later , dude , it was so awesome I was like , yeah , and I'm sure you've read the reward of that when I went up to him , his mom knew who I was . And his mom stood in between us and was like hey .
So I just want to let you know that take and I said no , no , no , ma'am .
I'm not here to do anything I prayed for him Like this is an answer prayer and she was like what , like it was just so . The pastor even later on was like yo , you really freaked her out .
And I was like why she's ?
like she thought you were to like say something or like blow up at him and I was like no dude . I went home that day and I cried and I was on the , I was in the garage floor .
And .
I told the man I see , you know what Enough's enough Like . Let's pray for this kid .
Yeah , and that's amazing , and that's what people need .
Yeah .
And I think , whether you're a bully , just stop . Let's just put it that way .
But if you're getting bullied and if you're a bully , say something and get help .
Yes , seriously , Like I don't know why I have to do this .
But , like you know , go talk to your guidance counselor . Maybe go see a therapist or something and say I don't know why I feel like I have to .
Yeah , and that's the thing is , you don't have to deal with that and if you are , if you are like , I think , bobby Joe , is that what ? He said If you are like her and she had all this trauma and if you are that person , it's not too late to just say , man , I do need help .
Just help , I need to find somebody to help me , guide me through this and walk through this Because , listen , we're all young and we don't know everything . So , even in today's day and age . I'm 24 . Going to be 25 .
Like you're a little older than that . You're a little older than that . I'm twice that . Let's put it that 49 . No matter your age , let's put it that way .
Whether you're Pastor John , who is old out there , or whether you're one , or whether you're me , or whether you're six years old , we all have stuff that we're going to walk through , that we're going to deal with , and we all got to find people to walk us through it .
Pastor John's going to walk through something new that he has no idea how to get through , that and that used to be our lead pastor . He's going to need somebody to help him . You're going to walk through something new that's going to be like whoa , this is uncharted territory . I need somebody to walk me through this . Same thing with me .
Same thing with a six-year-old . Same thing if you are getting bullied and you're just walking through something hard , you need to find somebody to talk to .
Find somebody to talk to Because it's so important to make sure you're healthy enough to be healthy for other people and to not put pain on other people , because that's the thing you don't want to find yourself doing .
Because one day , like you said , one day , it's going to catch up to .
It's going to take you and you're going to be like man I wish I could have . Should have .
You're going to regret or imagine well yeah , hurting somebody so bad that they take their life , talk about it . You're going to have to deal with that forever . That's not something you just get over .
Because here's the thing too . A lot of times I think bullies , they just like to make fun of kids .
Because they think it's cool , they think it's funny and that's what they want to do , whether they're trying to cover up something in their life or not .
But you never know what somebody's going through .
I think that's the biggest thing .
Or push that . I'm going to get to that , because you never know what somebody is walking through or dealing with to the point where you might say the one wrong thing .
That person might wake up that day and go God , I need you to show me something , or else I'm going to end it , and you are going to be that one person that gives them the reason to go home that night .
Yeah , even if it's as simple as hey , what's up man In a high five and he goes OK , god , I got seen today .
That could change somebody's heart , that could change somebody's life , but you not doing that high five and you saying , man , you look stupid today . Why did you choose to wear those shoes ? You just gave that person a reason .
Or even by just not giving them the high five or just not doing the high five . If God puts it on your heart and your Holy Spirit within you says hey , go give that kid a high five . Something that simple could change somebody's life for eternity .
For eternity . And that's why the Bible says to love everyone as yourself . Everyone . And you say yourself , and I thought about this at the beginning , but then we just start talking about other stuff . In scripture it says do unto others as you want them to do unto you .
So if you're the bully or maybe you're not the bully and you don't want somebody to do what has happened to you don't do it to somebody else then Be that guy that stands up for him .
Be that guy that changes it . Hey , we need to go tell somebody about this .
Yes , we need to change it and I think a lot of times we get caught up in the . Well , I had this done to me .
So it's , ok .
So it's OK . So I'm going to do it to somebody else .
Or it's OK to let it be done because I went through it . Yeah , if I go through it , then it's fine .
But your path doesn't have to be the same , or somebody else's path doesn't have to be the same as yours . But by you choosing to do unto others is what was done unto you . You're now making that path their path , your path . Your pain is the same , but your pain is the same . But you have a choice to go . You know what ?
I'm going to break the chain of man . Yes , somebody really bullied me , but I'm going to choose to break that chain . I'm going to go . You know what ? I don't want to treat people the same way . I don't want to follow in the same footsteps as maybe my dad . My dad hurt me so many times and I'm not going to follow in his footsteps .
I'm going to choose to be the opposite of that and I'm going to choose to love people , despite what they say or do to me .
You just gave me a good idea for a shirt .
What Be the change ? Be the change , it's true , though . Be the change .
Hello , my name is change Change .
Hello , my name is change .
But I think it takes a village to raise a child . All right , it does . It takes a group of friends to change somebody's life . Yeah , sometimes it does it .
But if you could and I'm not saying , guys , listen , I'm not saying you have to be like that guy that's like , well , I'm gonna carry my Bible and I'm gonna be a queen , I'm gonna do this , and I'm only gonna hang out with no .
No , jesus didn't roll around with trolls and stuff on their arm no you know , he just went out , met people where they were love them and love they were and he never got Influenced by them , he never got swayed by them . You know what I mean .
And when he did find himself in a place of pressure , he was just dip and I'm like yo wait a minute in and out , like where'd he go ?
Like yeah , yeah , yeah . Every time they came to like you was out , they came to arrest him .
He's like , like you know , and it's like why , deuces . You know he was out of there so he didn't want to be involved with that right . You know what I mean . But I think that it's important for us to know who we are . Yeah , to love ourselves period . Yeah , because it says you know , oh , love yourself as you would your neighbor .
I'm like I don't love myself , so why would I love my name ?
Mm-hmm .
You know , I mean like get to a place where you start Allowing yourself to to feel love , yeah , and to feel loved and to be love , because that's really where it's at . That's the , the magic sauce .
Yeah , and that's where Healingness it starts when you can shoot . I think loving yourself , man , that's a whole another so hard . That's a whole other podcast about loving yourself , because we live in a day and age where people don't love themselves .
They really don't , and that's I think that's a part of bullying is you don't love yourself yourself , by making fun of yourself or by letting . You know , I mean like you could be .
You know , at times we are our worst critic . Yeah , so much mental health like we bully ourselves .
Yeah , it's such a big thing right now and just navigating through High school and junior high with just the pressures of bullying and peer pressure and just all that fun stuff is not Not easy and it's not meant to be walked alone .
And that's why I like visit , I hope every student listens to these last two episodes , because these last two episodes are just about man navigating school and life and for for our junior hires and high school students that they are just , they're in the midst of it every single day . I'm glad I'm not in high school .
I could have do high school . I could now do it . No , I wouldn't . I would not want to do it again .
So I'm glad I'm not in it . But just for those of you who are every day in the midst of going to high school , into junior high , don't be afraid to find resources and people to help you navigate life , literally . People think that's such a waste of time . People think that's I'm so lame for finding help .
I want to do things on my own , but we're not meant to walk this life alone . We're going to do it with other people , and we're meant to do it to find wisdom and guidance to live the best life that Jesus wants .
Absolutely . Another thing I would definitely recommend , guys , is that you don't have to go into a deep prayer . Yeah , no every morning before you leave the house for school . Lord , keep my school safe , keep me safe and let me honor you today .
Yeah , easy , boom done . That was like what ? 10 seconds ? Not even . That was not even 10 seconds .
Not even and .
God still honors that and we does a whole another podcast episode is just talking about talking to God . There's so much content we could be talking about and just so many different ways , but , like , prayer is such a big thing , it's people think you have to pray these long 17 minute prayers communicate with God . It's like we're having a conversation right now .
Yeah literally doesn't have to be 30 minutes , but it could be 10 seconds . God , just protect me today . Out the door , I'm done . I don't even got to pray anything else .
I make you proud today .
Yeah , god , let me make you proud . God , let me let me not say one mean word today . Yeah , let me not say one . Let me let me not say 10 mean words .
Maybe you're a cusser and you say something yours . Yeah , let me be
¶ Bullying and Seeking Help
a light to this .
Start easy , start simple and just go . Go from there , but allow yourself to be willing to be changed and to be Challenged to do better , and so I hope whoever is listening to this one today , I pray that this just speaks life into bullies or maybe people getting bullied , and we didn't even touch the internet side of it .
No that's a whole Another dog and beast in itself . But we're gonna end it on just that note , and so we encourage you . If you are getting bullied and you're part of our youth , reach out to us please , because we want to help you , we want to walk through it with you If you're bowling or bullying .
Right yeah , you are bullying .
Get with us reach out to us , talk to us . We want to help you . We're not gonna shame you , we're not gonna get mad at you , we're not gonna be upset with you . We want to walk through you , through it with you , so you don't then continue to bully other people .
And other people feel the pain that you felt , and so reach out to us , talk to us , but what do we always say at the end ? Where do we want to see them ?
Oh , man , come on now . I was thinking about saying one more thing before that , and that's . I got caught up .
And don't forget , guys , be the change , be the change and we hope to see you Wednesday nights . 645 Riverside Community Church . If you're in the area , for Illinois we would love to see you here .
It's for the youth 6 through 12 or Sunday morning , or Sunday morning 9 am 9 am .
We have a whole youth lounge that we are sitting in right now that we would love to see you in , but we love you . We hope this encourage you , comment your questions if you have any , and we can't wait to see you for episode 6 .
It's like we're sharing the same brain always See , ya .