¶ Peer Pressure and Leadership in School
All right , what is going on ? We are live with the Youth Podcast . This is episode four . Yes , this is episode four . We're super excited to be here , juan . What's going on ? Tell us how you doing .
Man , I'm just glad to be here . I'm glad that school is getting back .
Yes , sir .
So I could have a little bit of quiet time at the house , I'm sure . No , but I am . I'm real excited about sports and stuff like that this year . Awesome , I'm really excited about just getting out and checking some games out .
Yeah , I'm excited for this year just across the board , but at youth I'm really excited . We're already in the middle of the youth season right now and I'm excited for what God is doing . I'm excited for what we're stepping into , and so we're going to talk today , just real quick , about some stuff about going back to school .
This is like the Back to School podcast , All right Back to school . We're going to talk about everything . Just going back to school .
I know students have been in school for a few months or a few weeks now and we just want to talk about just everything that comes with school , just the pressures of school , the friendships , the just bullying peer pressure , just everything that comes with school , and so I don't know . You had a son that just graduated high school , maybe .
Just like how was just navigating life with him . Just let's talk about that for a second , let's just kick it off with that . What did that ?
look like . So it's kind of funny because he's actually coaching now for JFL . Wow and he's also every once in a while they call him up to the high school to get coached by the coach . Yeah , yeah , to teach the kids . So they're on the same program . And yesterday he came home and he's like it was so weird .
It was the first time on the high school football field without a helmet .
He's like .
I felt weird . Yeah , yeah , but no , it's been interesting man , because he wants to take a . He's going to go to the Air Force , though in two years . He want to take two years off and get his associates out of the way , but he's also starting a business , so he's got a lot of things that he's doing .
But the cool thing that I like about it is that he's still being focused and purposeful in the things that he is doing . Yeah , yeah , he's still serving at church . That's a priority to him . Hanging out with his family that's a priority to him . So to watch him grow up and kind of do stuff independent of us is a little weird .
Yeah , I'm sure it's a little hard to watch or trust sometimes because you're like oh , I know that's probably not the best choice , but we're going to let him do it .
You know , just let him learn .
Because we trust them , because we've had that relationship with them for years and stuff . But going back to school , it's kind of weird because even as a parent , I still have nieces and nephews that are going to school . And it's weird because I still sometimes feel anxious about it . I'm like what are they going to have to deal with ?
How is it going to work out ? Are they going to grow this year ? Are they going to lead this year ? Are they going to follow ?
You know what I mean ? There's just a lot of stuff that these kids are dealing with these days .
So , much you know . Sometimes it's hard to remember which way's up .
Yeah , seriously , high school is not even high school . We have junior high students too . It's just a challenge , like what you said who are they going to follow or are they going to lead , right , you know , I think let's talk about that for a second . That was really good .
Because , I think when you go to high school , when you go to school , just in general , you have the opportunity either to be a follower or be a leader , or be a leader . And what does that look like ? You know , because today's day and age , I've seen this over and over and over again .
I think one of the biggest things that students are struggling with nowadays is peer pressure .
Yeah .
Peer pressure is so big , just whether it's just with making fun of somebody . Maybe it's peer pressure just to talk bad about somebody , peer pressure to drink alcohol , peer pressure to do drugs , because we know all that stuff is in school Sex making out , eating your flesh or anything Exactly .
Let's go even deeper , yeah .
All of it . It's just so deep and so I don't know how can , like with students , can we navigate that area of choosing between being a follower and a leader , like , how do we do that ?
So I think the first thing is by example . Yeah , that's good , you know we have to lead by example . So when they see us , my biggest fear is are they going to remember my inconsistencies or are they going to remember the things that they take away ?
Yeah , so if you really want to get biblical or technical about it , you're either going to lead people to heaven or follow them to hell . That's good ? That's good Like I don't even know how to say it .
Yeah , no , you know what I mean that's good , you're either going to be the leader and lead them to his way , his path .
You're going to follow them away from his purpose in life and call him for yourself . And as a kid you know , like we're like , oh my gosh , I'm so tired of hearing that . Like I just want to be a kid and I get that and you can and you should and you should have a blast , but you could still do it with honor and integrity .
You could still do it following Jesus .
That's the best way to do it . It really is , it's very liberating . Jesus' way is the best way you can live . I've always as a leader and we're both leaders and I think you'd agree with me on this is I want people to follow not what I really say , but what I do .
You know what I mean .
You're talking about that example thing . Like I say a lot of good things I do , but it doesn't mean anything if I don't do what I say .
And as a leader of this youth group and as of the students and same with you , is like as much as I say all these good things , I don't want them to follow really what I say , but what I do Right , because actions speak louder than words .
I think when you go back to school , when you do that , your actions at school speak so much louder than what you're saying .
You could say , hey guys , don't bully that kid but then if you turn around and now you joke , about them , and your friends are now watching you . You're being a bully .
You just said don't bully that kid , right , and I'm not going to believe you because , like you just said , don't bully him . But yet now you're behind the scenes bullying him , and so your actions speak louder than words , and I think you know you can be a follower of somebody else that goes to church , but ultimately you just got to lead together .
You know what I mean , because it's like what you said you can follow people to hell , and that's true . There's a lot of non-Christians out there .
I say that all the time in this youth group .
We have a big youth group 80 some kids come on a Sunday great youth group , but there's like thousands of students around this area that don't come to church , you know what I mean . And so there's so many students out there who are involved in drugs , alcohol , sex , all that stuff and you got to pick and choose your friends .
Like , let's talk about friends for a second . I think that's so important . So friends or associates , that is true .
Yeah , let's what's the difference . Well , the difference is I go to school with this guy . Yep , he's my associate . I know who he is , but I don't know who he is . I know of him , but I don't know his backstory , I don't know his lifestyle , I don't know what he's about .
Yeah .
Like oh yeah , that's a guy from science class , that's not a friend , that's an associate .
I just know of him yeah .
A friend is if I get run out of gas 80 miles away from here and I call you at three o'clock in the morning , are you going to come get me ? Yeah , what's ?
in gas . That's a friend , right . You know what ?
I mean , somebody that's willing to put themselves aside to help you in your time of need is a friend . Yeah , and I always used to say , you know like , oh , I got a ton of friends , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah . I really don't .
I'm not friends , right .
I mean , I might have like maybe a dozen people that I know that , I know that for the right reasons would come get me Right ? You know what I mean ? Yeah , and sometimes they're like oh yeah , I'll go out of my way because I need something in return .
Yeah .
That's not a friend , right ? A friend ? Somebody that's going to tell you like hey , you're being bogus , you need to cut that out , yeah . Like or hey , you know you really need to talk to your parents about this , because it's just going to hurt you more .
That's a friend , right .
Somebody that's going to hold your feet to the fire and say Hold you accountable . Exactly Like yo , you need to do what's right . Like what are you doing ? Like this , isn't you ? Right Like that's a friend , because he's saving your life .
Yeah .
You know what I mean . So it's funny because all these kids , like you said , oh , it's my best friend , this is my friend , this is my friend , this is my friend from school . I'm like , okay , cool when they live , I don't know .
I mean , how do you call your friend if you don't know them ? They're not your friend , yeah .
It's somebody you go to school with .
Right To associate Right .
And that's okay , like to say , like I think , I think we try to be , yeah , caring about somebody we want to include them in , so we try to bring them in as a friend right . But you have to realize this . It's kind of like when you bring me somebody and you say , hey , this is my friend .
I know our friendship , yeah , so therefore , I'm gonna give him a certain leeway , yeah , of Access to me and through you , know . I mean like I'm gonna trust it more because you said , hey , this is my friend , right ? So in doing that , if I don't , if you don't know him that well , and you're like , oh yes , my friend .
And then I , you know , I'm like , oh yeah , I'll give you a ride . And I go give him a ride and he carjacks me . Yeah and then I come back and I'm like yo , your friend , you like , oh well , no , I just know from the fridge . Yeah , bro , why didn't you tell me that ? Right , I put this dude in my car , you know .
I mean like yeah , so you have to be careful with I think we use it so loose friend , yeah , um , or you know , I got you like yeah it's so we use that so Um easily .
Yeah , these days that uh you gotta be careful how you use that .
I think that's what you're trying to say here .
Yeah , there's so many people out there that you don't cuz you're . You know I'm not signing for somebody .
You're endorsing somebody saying like no , this person's good , yeah , you know , so you're gonna give . It's almost like you're giving them your access to that person , right and ? And you know our relationship is grown over
¶ Navigating Influence and Boundaries in Friendships
time , mm-hmm . We didn't like right off the bat .
We weren't like oh hey , what's up yeah ?
like you know , it's taking us years to get to where we're at now .
Yeah so like for somebody else to come in and I'm like , oh hey , josh , my boy , you know , and you're like , okay , cool , yeah , you know , it's kind of unfair to you , right , as my friend , and and it's really unfair to them , because then they have the pressure of oh man , I gotta live up to something , yeah .
And I mean one of the things I always think about and kind of what I've preached to our students , is this idea of you know it says in the Bible , because I think students might be battled this like we as preachers , leaders . We say go find people who don't know Jesus and bring them in right . Yeah , so you're hearing what I think .
But then also , on the other hand , people are saying to you but don't have people that are not good Christians that aren't good friends .
Don't go hang out with them .
And so it's like this balance , and I've always told people this that's good If you go , you , we are called to go out into the world , and the world is people who don't know who . Jesus is right , that's what the world means . When Christians say the world , we're saying people that don't know Jesus . We say go out into the world .
Jesus tells us to go out into the world .
But I voice and there's a scripture verse , I think that backs this up that says but if the world stains you , then don't go out into the world , because now you're allowing the world to stain you and cause you to not have a good relationship with Jesus , and by saying you're talking about sin Like it's gonna cause you to trip and fail .
So if you hang out with people that drink alcohol , but you can go , so say I go hang out with people that drink alcohol .
And you're choosing not to . I'm gonna choose not to because that's not what I believe .
I'm not gonna go and get drunk and do all those stupid things . But now , if I hang out with these people so much , that over time . so it's just a sip , it's just a beer , yeah and now I start to fall down that sinful path of getting drunk every single weekend with these people .
I'm now allowing those friends to influence me where it needs to be the other way around . So when students are going to school , when you're going to school , you need to , yes , go into the world , go find those friends that don't know Jesus , go to church and all those things , but if , as soon as they start to affect you , and you start to churn .
You start to churn and you're now following them and they're not following you . You either A need to get rid of them or B you need to put up some boundaries , like you , just said Because , but that's the hard thing for students , is that where is that line of boundaries ?
Because they feel like , oh man , if I do that , they're gonna think I'm better than them , or they're gonna think I'm judging them . Well , guess what ? God's gonna judge you , so you better judge your relationships .
You either judge yourself or judge them .
Yeah , you better judge relationships and I'm not saying like go up to them and be like , oh no , hey , I'm a Christian , so I don't . Yeah , that's not it . Hey , listen , my relationship with God is so important that I choose not to do this myself .
So therefore , you know , like I used to tell , so I did security for a long time and a lot of the guys that I worked with , the single guys you know , and sometimes you work at bars and stuff and you know they're talking to ladies trying to get numbers , just that , and the other . And I told my boss .
I said listen , I'll work this post , but I'm gonna tell you right now . If somebody gives me a number or you see me talking to somebody , like you need to call my wife and let her know . Yeah that's good . That's the only way I'm gonna work this post . So I don't want you covering for me . I don't want you hiding from me .
If I slip , I need you to let her know .
You know what I ?
mean , because that's who it's gonna affect the most , and that's the only reason I would do like the downtown stuff every once in a while was because I had that agreement with everybody . I'm like , dude , if you really love me and you truly call yourself a friend , I need you to make sure that I do the right thing when I'm with you .
And that's a good friend . It is , I think , a lot of students today . They have their friends . That wouldn't do that .
Oh , you're snitching , they're gonna cover that .
Yeah , yeah , like I know a couple of students that have told me and I've heard stories of their friend did something wrong and they didn't want their friend to get in trouble so they didn't say anything .
Right , yeah , maybe you're the nice friend , but can I be honest , you're actually doing them a disservice because you're allowing them to get away with what they did , right .
Or same thing with you .
If you did something , like if I did something really bad and you knew about it and you didn't say nothing to my wife , you didn't say nothing to anybody else . You didn't say anything to me .
You didn't hate me when it came out .
She would hate you , and that's the bad thing is that you're not a true friend , right , because you obviously don't care about me , to keep me safe and to protect me , and the proper way to do that would be like I wouldn't just go to her and be like oh hey , josh did this .
I'll be like Josh , you got to tomorrow night to talk to your wife and let her holler at me and be like hey , yeah , we took care of that thing .
Yeah .
Or I'm gonna go to her and tell her because this is wrong . Right , you know , and it's not snitching , that's holding somebody accountable , right ? You're not even a part of Right , because if I know that you did something and I don't say anything .
I'm a part of that . Now , you are now a part of that . I'm a part . I'm an accomplice . I'm part of that coverup .
Like I'm part of that lie or whatever it was . Yep , so I definitely I tell my kids all the time and they'll tell you I have a 24 hour mark .
Yeah , that's good , you tell me something and I don't .
I'm like dude , how's this ? I'm gonna let you go to that person and handle it first . Yeah , after that I'm gonna talk to and you've known that with my son and stuff and my kids , Because I've been like you better talk to Pastor Josh , Because if not I'm gonna have that talk with him . You know what ?
I mean .
Yeah , and that's not bad man .
That actually makes people stronger and healthier , makes you a little better ? Yes , but the world views that as you're snitching Right . I'm snitching on you because now you're gonna get in trouble . You got me in trouble .
No , you made a super choice that got you in trouble .
You did that , I just held you accountable to it , and that's just . And that's where picking and choosing your friends is so important in high school and junior high so important . I just look back on my high school days and I didn't have bad , bad friends Like we didn't do . I mean we did stupid things .
We were boys you know teenage guys , we're doing a lot of stupid stuff but we didn't . I didn't go out and party . I didn't get drunk . When I was younger , thank the Lord , I didn't do any drugs when I was younger . Hallelujah , I'm glad I did it , because that I had opportunities to , but I chose not to .
But I mean the friends that I still had , that they just influenced me in ways that I honestly regret . I used to have a really bad mouth . I used to cuss all the time .
I used to break into buildings with my friends and and I was kind of the ringleader of that and that's the thing and let's talk maybe about that is like I was a Christian back then and I know you have a story , I have partial story Like , and back then I was a Christian , like I went to church every once in a while . I knew who God was .
My parents were Christians . We worked at a Christian organization but , yeah , I still was a ringleader to lead my friends to do bad things .
So how do let's talk to those people those guys , those girls who maybe are the ringleaders leading people to do bad things , but yet they're still Christian , they still come to church Like how can we help them to navigate those situations ?
And maybe one day we need to watch this .
This is about a 25 minute video and it's called A Letter From Hell , and the crazy thing is that this kid ends up dying and he goes to hell and he writes this letter to his Christian friend and he says I know that you knew God and I know that you knew he was real Right and I know that you knew that he was the only way for me not to be here .
Yeah , and yet you didn't even tell me about him or share him , and it's like holy crap , but that's where we're at . Yeah , it's you're gonna influence somebody to .
Jesus .
Yeah , or push them away right by , not influence them to right .
¶ Leading Others to Jesus
So I mean , like honestly , guys , like it's like a boat , like the boats sinking mm-hmm you're gonna grab the lifeline and get on the other boat , mm-hmm , or you gonna be like , ah no , it's good , it's not really sinking , it's fine , and you can end up dying . Yeah , I mean like spiritually , yeah .
So like I think that that's like I easy analogy , I guess , for me to like kind of remember that but it's a good one to right .
I'm like dude , because no one wants to be an imagine .
Well , you imagine though , if you got a letter like that and that would be insane .
I would not , you know . Oh my god , you're right .
I did like you know how many times I I told him to do this or do that , or I did this to look cool . And then I went home and I was like father , forgive me for what I did . You know , it's not me , ba ba , ba , yeah , but yet everybody else thinks that that's me , because that's what my on my front .
That's what you're putting it on .
Yeah , so it's like I just think that that's important to really consider , like yeah , first of all , a lot of these kids and a lot of us Really don't know our own identity .
So it's so easy to like Chameleon or like switch back and forth to try to find that sweet spot right , um , and that's a dangerous place to be because , like you said , you'll be easily influenced that way , yeah , and you'll easily get pulled astray . Oh 100 um so I think the main thing is Try to figure out .
If I had any advice on a youth today Would be try to figure out who you are and who you want to be , and try to figure out or pray about what God has called you to do . Yeah that's called you to be . That's good , because If I want to be a football player , I'm not gonna go practice baseball . Yeah just not gonna do it .
Yeah , you wouldn't but if I don't Believe that I can become a great football player , I'll try baseball if I'm good at that right . And I'll never develop what I desire to do , right , you know , I mean . So it's like that's the influential part that I think a Lot of times we don't .
And I say this as an adult too , because I mean , you know me well , mm-hmm , this times that I'm like man , I don't know if I'm coming or going you know , I mean , like I'm just trying to , I'm just trying to make sense of it , right .
Because not knowing is hard .
Not knowing is uncomfortable . Not knowing will get you hurt or bullied or manipulated to do . Because , then all of a sudden you're like I don't know if I'm a leader , so I'm just going to follow for that , and that group might need the right person to step up and say hey , listen , guys , listen .
I know we've been friends for a while , I know we've been rolling for like the last two years in middle school , but I'm trying to leave today . This is a new chapter . I'm writing a new chapter in the book and this is what that chapter is going to entail .
And sometimes you have to either A , like you said , you have to break relationships off , and sometimes you even need to go back and make some stuff right with some people . Maybe you hurt somebody and you need to go and , hey , I'm sorry , bullied you for the last two years man . So sorry . Is there anything that I could do to show you that I'm OK ?
You know what I mean , so like , but that goes back to accountability .
Having those people around you too , surrounding yourself with good , healthy leaders that can speak life into you Absolutely . And I think of the ring leaders that I kind of was when I was that age , and it's kind of what you said , and we'll take this at a really at a worldly standpoint or religious standpoint .
A worldly standpoint if you're that ring leader who's choosing to do all the wrong things and not lead your friends in the right way , the worldly way is you're just going to end up probably in jail because you're going to follow and do stupid things .
You're going to be at a party these days , you could end up dead .
Yeah , under age . I mean . I've heard of so many students that have died because they overdosed , whether it be on drugs or alcohol , they drank too much and did too much . And so you find yourself at a party getting drunk and you're under age , you're 16 , 17 , 18 . And now cops show up . That's going on your record .
So that's the worldly , I think , punishment , or you think , and then you go on a deeper , deeper level , like you said , the religious punishment is now you just let all your friends pretty much to hell .
Yeah , you might be saved because one day , you know , dude , you were driving the bus . Yeah , like you know of Jesus , you don't want to jump off Right .
You know of Jesus , right , and so you might turn to your life around 10 years later and go follow Jesus . But you could have been that one person that was supposed to drive that bus to church and lead all your friends to church , absolutely , but yet you chose to not do it . And so now , because of that , you're getting the letter from hell .
And now you're reading the letter from each of your friends saying man , why didn't you tell me ? Yeah , I wish I would have known , I wish you would have invited me to church , I wish you would have just extended it .
That's the part that blew my mind the most . I know why didn't you invite me to ?
church and I think it's so hard because we , it's scary to invite people to church .
It's uncomfortable .
But I think really , whether the students know it or not , they want that invite . Maybe they have no idea who Jesus is , no idea about church , but yet you're that one person that could invite them and they might just say yes to you .
But you don't know because you're not choosing to say it and you're missing out on an opportunity to share who Jesus could be to them .
And that's not you sharing the gospel , that's you just bringing them so they can hear the gospel , and I think that's just an opportunity that so many students nowadays are missing is the leaders , the students who are going to lead other students to Jesus , to lead other students into knowing how their life can be changed forever .
And Luke says go out into the world and bring them into the church that they might be saved Not that they will be saved , that they might be saved but if you at least bring them in they have an opportunity for God to work through the Holy Spirit , to work through the pastor , whoever's speaking , to present the gospel , and hopefully I pray to God in the
proper way , you know what I mean . Because sometimes , as a new Christian , I'm going to say we might not know , oh man , how do I really lead somebody to Christ ? So I would rather be uncomfortable and grow with somebody than be comfortable and not grow at all .
Yeah , that's really good , that's so good . Being uncomfortable is the best place you can be , because that's the spot where you're going to grow the most .
And you become stronger , more confident and more self-dependent . I used to not be able to stay alone by myself Like I would go . I'm talking like three or four hours . I'm like , no , I've got to find somebody to do something with .
And in the last couple of weeks my wife's been out of town , even with my son for a week last week and then another week after that . And it's so weird because it's like the first time in forever that I've actually been cool with it , I've been at peace . I'm like she left me money so I could go out and eat and stuff .
She gave you some money and I'm like I'm good , I just stay home . She's taking care of you when she's not there .
In case I don't cook , I could go out to eat . She thinks , I can't cook or something I don't know . It's weird .
That's so funny , but no , I think that was good what you just said and kind of just the end on that . It's just like students need to find the space where they can be uncomfortable and grow .
Because I know , when I was a kid , I wanted to be a kid , but I think the thing that I learned now that I would tell students today is that if you can put yourself in an environment where you are going to grow whether that's a church or at school , with the right friends put yourself somewhere where you're going to be challenged , because if you're not being
challenged to do what's right , then you're just going to go and do what's wrong . And you're not going to do what's right In the Bible .
it says a wise man learns from other people's mistakes , where only a fool will keep trying his own way .
We could just drop the mic and Leo on that , oh gosh , we could drop it and leave it on that note , because that was so good , it's true .
I mean , it's that simple . It's that simple , you could be a fool and keep trying it your way although it's not working . Or you could be a wise person and learn from somebody else's mistakes and adjust your ways that you might be healthier .
Right , and that's what this life is all about .
It is Trying to be better .
That's why I'm saying is be better than who you were yesterday .
It goes back to John 3.16 . He so loved you that he gave his best that you might have a relationship with him .
Might , might . Everybody has a choice .
Dude might Like that word blows me up in the Bible .
I'm like wait , whoa , whoa , what we don't have to do it . You gave me .
Jesus and you let him be crucified and tortured for three days . That I might reach out to you .
But that's the beauty of Jesus , though , and that's the beauty of growing in him , is that I was just texting a student last night and they were asking me just some deep questions , like students are asking those questions and one of the things was just like why does Jesus give us free will ?
And I was like free will is the best part , because he loves us , because he loves us and he doesn't want to force us . Cause , if you think about that , if you're forced to do something you don't want to do , it'd be like being in prison . You'd be tortured . I would hate this .
Why am I here ?
I don't want to be here , but yet I have to be here . So if God made us worship him , we wouldn't do it , we wouldn't do it , we wouldn't want to , we would hate every moment .
Yes , but the fact that he gives us free will is he's getting those people that are super passionate about him , and that's what he's looking for is the people who are going to be passionate enough to follow him , and that's where these students need to find their passion to be able to lead other people to follow him as well .
True , and it's true , and so that's the . That's the fourth episode . I was about to say third . That's the fourth episode of the youth podcast .
We're chilling Before we check out , though . What do you do ? What if you're in the Peoria area on Wednesday nights ? 645 , be here at Riverside church , be here . And on Sundays we serve service downstairs in our lounge at 9am .
Don't miss out on any of it , because we want to see you there . Also , if you're watching this or listening to this , put a comment , a question anything you want us to answer , send us a DM on Instagram . Riverside youth . We'd love to answer your questions , but we love you . I'm Josh Forsberg .
This is my buddy , Juan Rio Jr , Juan Rio Jr , and we'll see you next time .