¶ Trauma in Modern Society
I had a question about . You were talking about trauma . Before I was reading a book by Gabor Mate , the Myth of Normal , and he was talking about how humanity has moved from being a community and being based on , you know , having elders in your commune and being brought up by a lot of people .
Yeah , like a tribe or a village .
Yeah , and now we're just being brought up in individual households where we're separate from our grandparents and separate from the older traditions , and I was wondering if it's nowadays , in this modern world , a rite of passage to have this trauma embedded in us , like , is there a like , a way , even if you're a really aware parent or you know you go and you do
the work and you have kids is because I know there's like environmental factors and not not everyone is , you know , conscious and aware and is there any way that you can have a child and like not have the child be traumatized in any way ?
I think that's my question that's a really great question , um , yes , I , I think that there is a way that we can raise our children , irrespective of the environment , and for them not to be traumatized , if we teach them how to process the experience that they're they're having and make sense of it .
Because , again , you know , trauma , at the end of the day , is the , the experience of not being able to understand it or process it , trauma that we carry anyway , trauma that sticks to us , trauma that we don't recover from . You know , stress is okay and trauma is also okay . What the thing in question is is our capacity to recover .
So , having said that , you know , we want to minimize the amount of trauma that our kids are exposed to and we also want to maximize the capacity for them to explore and investigate , if in fact they have been traumatized in some way , how
¶ Processing Trauma and Recovery
they can develop healthy habits in addressing it , in confronting it , bringing awareness to it , in inquiring and discovering what the truth is beyond the trauma , and not allowing the trauma and it's the story that it's inflicted on the psyche of any of that individual um to be dominated by it , not to be dominated by the narrative .
Um , and then you know , the second thing I'll say is that creating community with individuals that have shared values is such an important thing and initiative that we all have a responsibility to do and to be there for each other in whatever way we can so that we have a sense that we belong to something greater .
Because that is absolutely the biggest part of our nature and I talk about this a lot in my book as well the belonging is actually the most important thing to us , and when we deny ourself that , we become unwell . You know we're experiencing it as anxiety and depression , and you know social anxieties and all kinds of strange addictions and behaviors and whatever .
These are the ticks of not belonging , and the simple cure for that is first to belong to yourself and know your place in the universe . Reconcile your existence is how I describe it
¶ Creating Community with Shared Values
, and then do your best , in whatever way , to do your bit . For me it's , you know , opening up the door on a thursday night and having people come in and meditate together and be .
You know and this is the way that I'm doing it and everyone it doesn't have to look like this can just be a lunch in the backyard , it can be , you know , meeting at the beach , whatever , but inviting people in and nurturing you know the values that are important to you , with a focus on being welcoming , warm , kind , generous of spirit .
All of these things cause us to flourish as human beings , and it helps us to reconcile that which I feel is like a creeping vine choking us an ever-growing cynicism about the nature of humans . It's a massive anti-humanist movement that's developing , particularly with the advent of AI and technology that's soon to be integrated into our brains and things like this .
This is driven by a total misunderstanding of who we are and , at the extreme end , a loathing of who we are , and that's a sickness , in my opinion . It's an illness that is born of not belonging , because when we belong to each other , where we actually feel it , it's because we're behaving in accordance with our deepest
¶ The Problem of Anti-Humanism
nature to each other . If we feel it , it's because you're receiving something right . If you're receiving it , it's because someone's being that , and if you're in the presence of someone who's caring genuinely caring for you , it mirrors to you your nature .
The reason why it feels so good is because it's showing us who we are as individuals , and it makes you just want to nurture it more and more and more and more . And you know . The reality is that when humans get together , there's drama , it's challenging , with the best of intentions .
There's drama and we've just got to become artful in the way in which we deal with that drama , got to expect it and just work through it to the best way we can . Well , we can't , you know , create some healthy approximation to the drama , but at the very least be kind and and send everybody the best intentions .
You know we might not be able to hang out , but I don't wish , I don't wish ill upon you . So , yeah
¶ The Power of Genuine Connection
, you know , cultivating the community and it doesn't have to be like a massive thing , you know , just a , just a small group of people getting together and laughing and cooking and sharing stories , whatever , parenting it's so healthy and so important , and I think that's the antidote , you know .
And dedicating some time to some initiative that's enhancing the well-being of the community , just a couple of hours on a weekend or something , volunteering or showing up for something .
If everybody did it and everyone's like , oh , everyone's here , everybody cares more evidence and we go , ah , go that little bit more , because that creeping vine is like becoming ever increasingly convincing that it's unlikely we're going to make it , but we have all the capacity to make it . We can , will we ? I don't know , I don't know .
It's creeping vines , it's growing quick and it's pretty poisonous , yeah , but the extent to which you know , and we're all awake , awakened , aware , so , like , do something , do something in the name of this , creating more unity
¶ Taking Action for Community Well-being
even in your own friendship group , just going that little bit further to really communicate how much people mean to you , this is re-humanizing ourselves , because we really matter to each other , we need each other , and the absence of that , we're not good , we don't feel good , we don't feel whole , we don't feel complete .