The Royal Mistress Mayhem of Portugal and Castile

really wrong. Oh yeah, we would definitely not remember. We would both sing the harmony. What happened? We totally use the melodfinitely would probably use the melody. Well, anyway, we'll have to practice for the live show. Hey, I'll want a live show, right, you better write to I Heart Radio and demand a live show in your city and we will do a tour. Let her campaign that's what works. Get yourself a self addressed, pre stamped envelope and send it to p O box. Look, I don't know how

the kids are doing it these days. Hashtags. Get a hashtag going live show, ridiculous romance hashtag in that order, something TikTok campaign or something. You get some gen zs in here to help us out. Well, welcome back to the show. I'm Eli, I'm Diana. Do we say that already? Who knows we've now we've said it. That's usually how we meet people to write. Yeah, I do introduce myself five or six times, well because I don't know about you.

But I'll end up talking to someone for a while before, sometimes like a stranger, like he'll just talk for like twenty minutes, and you're like, I guess I should. There's got at some point I have to tell you my name. Now it's weird. By the way, my name is. I'm Diana by the way. Oh yeah, of course of course. And then you're like, funk, they didn't say their name.

If I'm ever you know this. If I'm with few and anyone walks up and starts talking to us, the first thing you do is say this is my husband Eli, and they're gonna say, yeah, I know, I'm Chad, you know, and I'll be like yeah, Chad, and I go way back. But if you don't do that, I will have no clue who Chad is there. Yeah, meeting people, learning names, speaking of names, Oh my god, oh this episode that's a great transition this one up. Yeah, this is a

Diana episode. And if no, that's not a that's not a put down, that's actually very exciting. Um. But if you're like me, this is how it's gonna go. You're you're either like Diana or you're like me. If you're like Diana, you're gonna coast. You're gonna be like I totally know what everyone's talking about here, this person, that person. I know I can keep the family tree in order, but I'm here for the rest of us, and I'm going to constantly be saying, wait a minute, whose step daughter?

Was this the third cousin of the second king? I mean they're all related, you know, of course, because that's how royals do in medieval times. Yeah, it's chaotic, and I love that. Oh my god, it's so much going on. That's what I was like. Every time I was looking at one piece, it was like, no, but I have to tell this other crazy piece that's crazy. We're teasing

him out too much. You give it to him. So Eli's dear mother, Barbara Banks, Hey love her, big fan of the show, extra big fan of the host Elie particularly. I think I'm a big hit around the house. You could say that she had a hand in creating the show. Could you could say that in a way, Well, she suggested that we dive into the famous love story of Peter the First of Portugal and in Yes di Castro,

because they are doomed. Romance has been the basis of like countless operas and plays and films and so on, etcetera. But as usual, you know, we started researching and there are quite a few ridiculous romances that kind of led to Peter's. So it's kind of hard to tell his story without also telling the story about the King of Castile and his favorite mistress and why Peter's dad was so pissed when Peter the First fell in love within Yes, so we're doing it all as usual. We're overdoing it

so medieval Spain and Portugal not so sexy shenanigans. Way too many names that sound alike or are exactly the same. Welcome to another Royals edition of ridiculous romance. Hey, their French, come listen. Well, Eli and Diana got some stories to tell. There's no matchmaking a romantic tips, It's just about ridiculous relationships. I love. It might be any type of person at all and abstract cons that draw a concrete wall. But if there's a story, were the Second Glance Ridiculous Roles

a production of I Heart Radio? All right? Are you ready? In Alfonso the eleven had been King of Castile for about three years. He's only seventeen years old, and when his father had died, he had been too young to rule, so he had basically had to sit by and watch these noblemen kind of take advantage of his youth, sort of splitting up the kingdom amongst themselves, right like you do when there's a child ruler, there's really some adults like pulling all the strange Oh yeah, oh yeah, okay.

So these guys were definitely like I'll take this part, you take that part, or the Moore's coming. Uh, we'll get there someday. You know. They were kind of weakening and impoverishing the crown of Castile. They're all sitting around you and do that? Did you ask the king? Good one? So anyway, Alfonso is watching this and it's like getting real piste. So when he turns fourteen, he's like, guess what, guys, I'm all enough to rule. Fourteen year olds all think

they're in charge of everything. Anyway, I was like totally on brands, fourteen year old boy um and he basically like he took himself to Santiago to Compostella and had like a self crowning ceremony and did a whole thing. And then he was like, my first project is to divide my enemies, try to consolidate some power to the crown. Get shipped back in order here. And of course his

enemies were family members. It was his cousin and tutor, Don Juan Manuel, who was like a highly connected, wealthy aristocrat and author, and also Alfonso's uncle, the lord of Biscay, one de castilla Ado, who was nicknamed one El Tuerto or won the one eyed. Okay, So his cousin and tutor is Don Juan Manuel, and his uncle is one El Tuerto, Yes, el Tuerto, elmerto or something's title's like El twerto okay, so one and one, what are the

chances a million? To jan We're just getting started, all right. Neither of these guys El Tuerto or Don Juan wanted to give up their power and all their influence that they had been cultivating over this child king all these years. They didn't want to give it up to him. So between them they hatched a scheme. They were going to marry Don Juan's daughter, Constanza, who was only nine years old. By the way, side note um to the newly widowed El Tuerto, the uncle, the uncle of the king who

it's for. His birth date is not known, but I mean he was newly widowed. He was not nine years old, not nine years old. He was an age that was definitely inappropriate to marry a nine year old, whatever it was. I'll tell you what, there's not an age that isn't inappropriate to marry a nine year old, because nine is also an inappropriate age to marry a nine year old. Say this, well, I think there was a tradition at this point to you didn't like have sex with your

child bride. It was like a way to secure it all for a while, and then they grew up and then they started doing the baby, and then when you're eighteen and I'm fifty four, then it's okay, it's on exactly gross, still gross, still gross. Just throwing that out there, I don't sure meant to be softens the blow. I don't know, I don't know. Okay, So they're they're saying, Don Juan is like, uh, El Tuerto, you're going to marry my daughter? That sort of helps us form an alliance.

You know, people love marriages back in these royal days. Now, Alfonso with the king, the seventeen year old king, did not like this idea because those marriages meant alliances, and an alliance between these two scheme and asked nobles was going to be bad news for him, right, they could totally like overrun overthrow him, you know, yeah, just totally

make life hill. So Alfonso the king is like, no way, Jose, I'm going to marry Constanza myself, to which Don Juan was like, first of all, my name Swan, not Jose, thank you. And secondly that sounds great to me. My daughter marrying the king and becoming the queen, uh, not a problem on my end, make my day. Jose and Alfonso married Don Juan's daughter, Constanza instead of El Tuerto marrying her, and that totally neutralized Don Juan. I'm not an enemy of the king, my daughter is married to

the king. Were set here. Well. As for El Tuerto, Alfonso promised him a pardon and reconciliate Asian He's like, can come being castile, hang out, it's no problem. So twitch was like, great family reunion, and it goes to Alfonso's house like talk it out, They're going to negotiate terms whatever. But at the Feast of All Saints, Alfonso was like, so, how is everything? Are you having fun? Enjoying the meal? Delicious? Very quid or rubber fruit? So much for inviting me. I'm glad we could put all

this under the bridge. We're buddies now. It's delicious. By the way, Oh great, I'm so glad you're enjoying this meal because it's gonna be the last thing you ever eat. And he ordered El Tuerto and two of his nights to be executed. Oh, the lanisters send their regards. Exactly what I was thinking. This is the worst dinner party I've ever been to. Then he summoned all the nobles to the town square to hear about El Tuerto's treason

and of course subsequent punishment. Right, probably is kind of a and let that be a lesson to you all, like cautionary tale. Let that be a less of the rest of you. Juants. Yeah, there, one eyed or other one. Everyone listened to me. Do not dare challenge the king, and like eighty percent of them are like, okay, he's talking to me, all right, So great christis averted, right, don Juan's neutralized, El Twrto's dead, enemies, vanquished nobles, nervous subjects, subjugated.

Everything is working out for Alfonso, just like a king wants it. Just all said, working out great and castile. But only two years later, Alfonso decided to have his marriage with Constanza annulled. And since she was a miner again thankfully, this marriage had never been consummated. It's not even super clear if they actually married or if they

were just like super officially engaged, extremely contractually engaged. But Constanza did use the title Queen consort in her letters, which is adorable for a little nine year old girl to be writing. And the queen called sort says, I love it in crayon, like she's definitely given me, like Princess Leiah and Obi wan vibes, are y'all watching Obi WANs very good. I'm liking it. Everything he really does.

It really does help, alright, So Alfonso decides he's going to annul this marriage to Constanza, if there ever ever really even was one because by Alfonso had decided that it was more in his interest to marry his double first cousin, as in his cousin who was his cousin on both sides of his family, like his paternal and maternal first cousin. That's that's these royal families were working

back then. The gene pool is so congealed, like you're basically she's my father's brother's daughter, and she's my mother's brother's daughters gates Maria, my father and my mother share a brother. Wait a minute, so you know he's really sledging through the gene pool on this one. Uh, this girl's you know, he dove head first. He's doing laps in the gene pool. But he can't. I mean, he's walking laps in the all right, it's a very shallow pool.

So this girl's name was Maria, his double cousin, and she was the daughter of Alfonso the fourth, the King of Portugal. And note that is Alfonso, not Alfonso. And marrying her what ally him with the next strongest kingdom around Portugal. And that was a smart move for Alfonso. But Don Juan man L did not like this insult to his daughter Constanza or the fact that Alfonso had imprisoned Constanza in a castle and wouldn't let her go home. He's like, I'm a knowing our marriage and no, you

can't go home. You're gonna stay right here in this room at the top of this tower, guarded by a dragon or whatever. He did. Wow, So don Juan super piste about how his daughter's being treated launched a whole lass war against the Crown of Castile. Yeah. Meanwhile, Alfonso marries his double first cousin Maria, and that made her father, Alfonso the Freest happy because his daughter is now the Queen of Castile, wouldn't be happy exactly, just like Alfonso.

He's like, this is a power marriage on both sides. We're lying. You know, these kingdoms that have been at odds for a long time. This is good news. But he got real mad when Alfonso immediately neglected Maria in favor of his mistress Eleanor Duguza. Who could have seen this guy not being faithful to his wife. Alfonso had met Eleanor, who was a wealthy twenty year old widow in and he was so struck by her beauty that he made her his mistress. That same year he would

marry Maria. But as soon as Maria had an heir to the throne, who was Peter of Castile, Alfonso left her and went to live with Eleanor instead. And this Maria was deeply humiliated by this, like it made his preference of his mistress super public to everyone knew. You know that she was repudiated basically by the king um And also he established Eleanor's household near the government in Sevilla, so she had more influence at court than Maria did.

Maria spent most of her time in seclusion at a monastery, so she was just fully removed from power. Nothing but a breeden the air, like that's your only job here, And she did not like that. Breeding the air. Not breathing the air. Oh, no, breading air with you. I do not care if you breathe the air. I only care if you breathe the air. You know, the old medieval I would not could not breathe an air. I would not anywhere it is black plague time, so you

could in some places, it meant you would die. On that note, so Maria asked Alfonso to give up Eleanor and stop seeing her, and of course he wasn't down to do that. So she's just fine, just be a little more discreet, Okay, Like you're making it real obvious. This bitch is better than well, that's reasonable of someone's wife to say, is like, keep it quiet, little respect. In response, he gave Eleanor extensive properties and made her even more powerful. This guy. You know, it's classic king

favoring his mistress over the queen. And you know, the mistress gets so much more power at court. How many times have we heard that story on this show? And that's what you know, that's why they're always really nervous about a mistress. Oh yeah, but they all had him. These guys were children, and you can see why, Like in our very first episode, Madame da Pompadour trained her whole life to be the king's mistress, like that was her mother's intention. Further, this is a great position. It's

better than being the queen. I can tell you that much. Historically speaking, So Alfonso super mad that his daughter got tossed to the side, right, yeah, And Don Juan Manuel's war against Alfonso over him being mad for casting his daughter Constanz out of the side was still going strong, and so Don Juan allied himself with the Sultan of Granada,

which strengthened his power and influence. Finally, in the Bishop of Ovado stepped in and negotiated a piece between Don Juan and Alfonso, and this allowed Constanza to be released from her prison tower finally. But at this point, Alfonso the Fourth was still so pissed about how Alfonso was treating his daughter Maria. He got together with Don Juan Manuel and they're like, you know, this guy did both

our daughters dirty. Let's get back at him, and they arranged for Alfonso the fourth son Peter, the first heir to the throne of Portugal, to marry Juan's daughter Constanza recently escaped from her tower. She was the repudiated Queen of Castile. So you've got hang on. Alfonso the fourth is really mad that his daughter Maria is getting cast aside. He's got another son, Maria's brother, named Peter, and they say, hey, Peter, why don't you marry Constanza? And this will unite a

bunch of people who don't like Alfonso. Yes, absolutely, okay, but you gotta laugh at the conversation that must have happened, because Constanza got jilted by Alfonso for Alfonso's daughter Maria, who he's now mad at him about. So he had to go to Don want to be like, hey, I know that, Like I was totally cool with how he fucked with your daughter, but now he's fucking with my daughter and I don't really like that. So I kind of see where you're coming from. Now I feel like

maybe we can do something together. So this marriage contract between Constanza and Peter was signed in thirty five, and it's stipulated at the firstborn son of the two of them would inherit the throne of Portugal and the second born son would succeed to the House of Manuel. But if there was no second son, all the Menuel property would be inherit it did by the firstborn son, and that no Manuel holdings would ever ever, ever, ever, ever, never,

never never never become part of the Castile crown. He was like, whatever happens with the Sun's anyway, never ever ever never give it to that guy. So they get together and they say, man, Don Don Juan Manuel, your property is in Castile, but it's all gonna come back to the Portuguese now after this marriage. Nobody in the Castilian Kingdom is ever going to lay hands on it again. He was like, dope, I don't like that, guys, that sounds like a great idea. Yeah, so what do you

think Alfonso did. I'm sure he was totally cool with it, very chill and mellow. But I think that before we find out what happened, what happened with him, we should take a quick break. Yes, that's a great idea. We'll be right back. Okay, welcome back to the show. Okay. So, Alfonso the eleventh, the King of Castile, heard about this little plot for his ex Constanza to marry Peter the First of Portugal, and he did not like it. He was not a fan of Don Juan Manuel's wedding planning

at all time. Choose you choose wrong in my opinion. So he decided to throw Constanza in the al Khazar prison to her from being able to travel to Portugal and get married to Peter. So she's back in jail again, Yes, brand new tower. She just got out. Now she's back in different place. Two dragons this time, yeah, one above, one below. And then he tried to put pressure on Don Juan to back out of this marriage contract, like don't do that to Peter, your Castilian, even though be

my bro. Peter is alf Fonso's brother in law, right because Peter is Maria's brother. Yeah, don't let my ex wife marry my brother in law. I'll be really mad if you do. Well, who's your ex wife? Good Stanza, Oh, I thought you're talking about yourself. What now I'm confused? Okay, but yeah, so but don Juan was just like, oh, Alfonso, you have no idea how much I dislike you, and he just just like, I'm gonna do whatever I want. Because, as we've learned several times on this podcast, Spain and

its medieval counterparts allows for marriage by proxy. That will practice where you have somebody stand in for you and you get married without every being in the same place as your betrothed. Sophia Laurn went through that. Even Elizabeth Brown and from our pandemic love stories we had to do it sly. So it's still a thing, um very historic practice, and usually for this reason. It was for royals to marry each other during wartime and the Yeah,

it was actually why it was developed. I believe I can't be there, just build a little dummy to stand in my place. Yeah, but it'll it'll tie this not real tight contract reasons that will help us win a war or lose a war. Don Juan and Afonso were like, no bride, no problem, and they had Peter and Constanza married by proxy, and it pretty much immediately started a new war between Portugal and Castile that raged on for

four years. Okay, okay, okay. So King Alfonso is super mad that his ex wife, who he locked up in a tower, is marrying the son of the King of Portugal. Yes, okay. So eventually this infighting started to worry the other Christian nations. Pope Benedict the Twelve realized, or with all these Catholics fighting amongst themselves, they're not paying enough attention to all the fighting the Muslims, you know, like popes do, they

love waging war against the Muslims. So he intervened and he says, that's enough, Let's settle this thing and go fight a different war over other stuff with someone else. Exactly, Alfonso, you don't want to end I want to replace. Yes, yes, you want the war, we got the wars. Focus your attention someone else. I'm a getting money from about you. I want the war where you are fighting someone who I'm not getting money from. That way we get the

money from them. It is very simple. So Alfonso is like, fight all right one, Alfonso, Pope, all you three breathing down an neck all day long. I'm just trying to lock up my my ex wife, marry my current wife, and hang out with my mistress. And why everybody's bothering me so much? What's it gonna take to get you off my back? And the Pope says, we just the need you to break up with the Eleanor. That's it, that's all we want. That's so sick of your girlfriend? Yes,

she sucks. You keep throwing your wives away. Um. Now, Alfonso wanted Portugal's help in fighting the Moors anyway, right, so this was kind of gonna work out for him. He's like, whatever I need to do to get these guys to stop fighting me so we can kind of unite and go after the Moors and expand our territory,

I'll do it. So he banished Eleanor to a convent and the peace treaty was signed, and in thirtty Portugal joined Castile in a battle against the Moors that ended up extending Alfonso's kingdom all the way to the Strait of Gibraltar. But as soon as that conflict was over, when the last guy walked off the battlefield and the treaty was signed and they put their little flag in the ground, Alfonso immediately went back to eleanor there out of the convent. They ended up having a total of

ten children together between thirteen thirty and thirty. One of those kids was Henry Trastamara, and we'll get to more on him later. Just remember that name. Yeah, So everything worked out great for him. I guess I just never intended to keep any of those promises. Yeah right, But okay, you know, it's thirteen forty wars finally over and Constanza, after four years of marriage, could finally join her husband in Portugal. They would have like an official wedding celebration, Okay.

So she left Castile with her entourage, which included a beautiful, nobly born lady in waiting named in yes Dick Astro now, and yes was highly connected in every way. She was illegitimately descended and also sometimes legitimately descended on both sides from Castilian and Portuguese and Galistian nobility. So again a lot of illegitimate people run around who are still very highly born because their bloodlines, you know, right, right right? Um,

so she's very highly connected. She's this beautiful lady in waiting. And as soon as she and Constanza arrived in Portugal, Peter the first only head eyes for in Yes. Oh jeez, Peter, you're no better than Alfonso. Poor Constanza. She's like, everywhere I go, I get rejected. I've been in two prisons, married by proxy, married annulled. I've had it all over the place. Everybody's fighting war is over me without asking

me my opinion on the matter at all. And then I finally get to go hang out with this guy I'm supposed to be married to who's king and he falls from my maiden. She's like, what's the matter with Constanza? Right? Isn't Constanza good enough for anyone? You are enough, Constanza are enough? Constanza? Damn it? Well, Peter. The first affection for in Yes seemed to be very mutual, and they embarked on a passionate love affair. Why don't they just

marry the woman they're in love with? These kings, you know, they're not always allowed to do what they want to do so. At this point, of course, Peter is still the heir to the throne. He's not king yet. His father, Alfonso the fourth is still the King of Portugal. But it's not long before Peter is showing a preference for his mistress over his betrothed, just like Alfonso the eleventh, the King of Castile. These two guys got a lot

in common in that regard. Damnit Peter. His dad must have been so annoyed by this, right because Don Juan is like, is there another motherfucker trying to dishonor my daughter? Constanza? All Right, you know what I do when my daughter is dishonored, I start conspiring. So Alfonso the King of Portugal is concerned about how his son's infatuation with his mistress is going to affect his alliance with Don Juan in Castile. So he exiled in yes, to Albuquerque, New Mexico. Albuquerque,

New Mexico. I guess there's Albuquerque in Portugal. O g Albuquerque. But Peter the horny Prince, his passion was not quenched. Now. He and Constanza gave birth to a son named Louise In and Constanza tried to kind of scotch the affair by making in Yez the boy's godmother. This is some this is some deep legal trickery, because according to the Catholic Church, her being his godmother basically made her family. So for Peter and in Yes to get it on

is religiously considered incest. She's like, I'm gonna pull that moral kinship card. But this kid, Louise died after only eight days, which apparently caused a little whispering among the court that perhaps in Yes had something to do with that. Maybe they were in a speculation station. Well do you think that in Yes killed a baby? I okay, that's dark killed. That sounds crazy, not beneath some of these royals. But here's my thought. Here's my thought. Maybe she didn't

kill this baby. She was just like, you know, I've got him in a little in his little uh bed here, and I'm going down by the river and let me just set you down for a second while I picked some flowers. Oh where is that baby? I just set him down a little floating bed right at the edge of the river, and he's just gone, you clumsy, Oh my god. And yes, wow, she hold him in his arms. Yeah, and still yeah, so this is my godson. I have to make sure that his raft is extra floaty justin case. Yeah,

I wanted to be prepared. I don't know. I'm also like, well, I think I think Peter and Constanza were like second cousins, so you know, at some point the babies are going to have some health issues and they're not going to live very long, so it could just be that. Yeah, but you know, ship, I love to accuse people on murder,

so this speculation train well, and it's true. At the end of the day, we can definitely see why people thought this, why these whisperings were happening at court, because it's it wouldn't have been the craziest thing to happen. People did it frequently. I guess, like it was just shenanigans with the babies and the lineages and everything just

was so common. That's why they had so many. Yeah, you know, I guess so they were like, just in case when I have twelve heirs to the throne, so that you know, they can't get through all of them scatter into the winds. You'll never find them all. All my bastards litter this kingdom. So yeah, her little scheme to make in Yes the godmother did not work. But in thirty five can Stanza gave birth to the heir Ferdinand. That was good news. And then in thirteen forty nine

she died giving birth to a daughter. Also died only a few days later. That's very sad. So that is very sad. Again, not an uncommon story in medieval times particularly um. But yeah, she died and Peter was mingle and he was not ready to mingle. Alfonso really wanted him. He was like getting him on tinder and like check all these bibs. His dad, Yeah, his dad really was just like you need to remarry? Sure, I mean, yeah, yeah, do you need to remarry? Um, of course you do.

You're a young king. You got the queen, makes sense. But instead of being tempted by any of these royal honeys, he moved in within yes, and started living with her in secret, and then she started having children with him. I mean she gave birth to their first son in thirteen fifty. They named him Afonso, and that just feels a little bit like a rost to me, because he's like my legitimate son with my wife, who you approve of.

I'm naming Ferdinand hat but my first son, with my illegitimate with my illegitimate mistress, who you don't approve of, I'm naming her after you. It just feels like appointed name to pick. Wow. However, that kid did die shortly after his children. But then she had two other sons and a daughter between thirteen fifty one and thirteen fifty four, and they were doing great. In fact, her sons were healthier than Peter's legitimate air Ferdinand and Afonso knew that

that was going to be a problem in the near future. Okay, it's like my my grandson, heir to the throne, he's not doing so hot, and you got these other kids turning around with your mistress. Either he's going to die of natural causes, are they're going to think he's weak

enough to overthrow because he is. And a lot of that concern came from the fact that over in Castile in thirteen fifty Alfonso the King had finally died and his legitimate son with Maria, Peter of Castile, had Peter alert this is our second Peter Peters he inherited the throne. So Peter, the son of Alfonso and Maria, King of Castile, and then you've got Peter the first uh, the son of the king of Portugal, Peter Castile, Peter Portugal, Peter Portugal,

Peter Castile. Love it. But Alfonso's illegitimate son with his mistress. Remember Eleanor was Henry Trastamara we talked about earlier. He immediately threw his hat in the ring. He pulled a Rendley Marathi and he was like, actually I should be king, and Castile was thrown into a civil war. Now Alfonso is looking at this and he's like, this is exactly what I'm worried about. My grandson, my you know, half grandchild. What is that? My my illegitimate grandchildren with the mistress.

Once my son Peter takes the throne in Portugal, all those guys are gonna be fighting over who inherits next. Alfonso himself had had the similar struggle against his own bastard brothers when he came to power, and it might be the reason he himself never had a mistress more trouble than their worth. He apparently broke a long tradition of Portuguese kings by not having any legitimate children at all. And it's they think that it's because he and his

Queen Beatrice got along super well. Oh been super in love or they just respected each other a lot. And he seriously was like, I do not want y'all to be dealing with these half brothers running around trying to cause strife. Unlike my predecessors and my son. I know where babies come from, and I'm not going to go

start doing that right. But you know, the more immediate problem here was that in Yez's brothers, who were two powerful Galician noblemen, were becoming his son, Peter's most trusted advisers. This is Peter, Prince of Portugal. He started giving these two guys important positions at court. He's like, hey, you guys are my are my mistress's brothers? Yeah, whatever you want getting here, hang out, tell me what to do. The de Castro brothers are here. Time for a party now.

These guys were allied with Henry Trostamara, who was hiding out in Portugal because he'd been exiled by his brother, and Afonso, the King of Portugal, worried that once he himself died, the Portuguese throne was going to fall into Castilian hands because you've got these two, uh, basically pro Henry Castilians who want to overthrow Peter the King of Castile. They wanted, they're they're they're saying Henry has the right

to the throne, and their buddies with Peter Portugal. So it's Justo's whole thing was that the Castilian lands would become Portuguese, not that the Portuguese lands would go Castilians, just the opposite. I said, Oh that planning for nothing. So many weddings. Now, At first, he was so sure that Peter's infatuation would burn itself out that he just did the tender thing right. He's just like telling him about royal princess. As the royal princess. He's like, marry

this one, what about this one? What about this one? She's hot, she's from a special place that we need, I don't know whatever, and this one's a powerful marriage, let's do it. And Peter's basically like, oh, father, I'm only too happy to remarry. I'll do it today if you like, but I'll only marry and yes, Dick Castro and Afonso is like, god damn it, Peter, No, she's the only person I won't let you marry. Basically, so

finally he realized he's fighting a losing battle. Peter is not going to give up in Yes, he just needed to get rid of it, Yes, and he needed to do it fast. So he decided to take a page out of his daughter's book. Maria. That's right, because back in thirteen fifty, when Alfonso the eleventh had died, Maria wanted revenge on her husband's mistress because she was the favorite,

you know, and she didn't like that ship. She felt rejected. Yeah, Eleanor, she's like Eleanor Duguzman is not is her son and on grata around here, and so she threw her son, had Eleanor arrested, and then in thirteen fifty one ordered her execution, and in that way she was revenged upon the mistress who her husband liked better than because I guess she couldn't kill the husband, so she had to kill someone about it. Fury, they say, that's what they say.

Someone said that. And Alfonso, her father, was like m brutal but effective, so he had in yes, imprisoned in a convent in thirteen fifty four, and in thirteen fifty five he ordered her execution. Damn. So he just copied what Maria did to Eleanor definitely, and yes, so yeah, three guys went to the convent and and yes, was beheaded in front of one of her young children, which is pretty fucked up. I don't know why they couldn't just drag the kid away or like take her somewhere.

These guys are not good at their jobs. Terrible. So when Peter heard this, Peter Portugal, of course he was in rage, incandescent with rage. His love of his life and also, you killed her in front of one of my kids with her. That is not cool, very uncool. So he put himself in charge of the army and he launched an offense against his father, but it was quashed within a year and they were reconciled with one another. And shortly after, in thirty seven, Afonso died and Peter

the First became the king of Portugal. And now he could have it all his way, and we will find out what way that was right after this, Right back, welcome back to the show, everybody. Okay, So Peter Portugal is king. Now he's super mad that his his beloved mistress has been killed. And now he's king. His dad's

out of the picture. He's in charge, so he immediately went and told everyone that he had married in Yes, in secret in thirteen fifty four, and that their children were actually legitimate and in Yes was the rightful Queen of Portugal. Oh wow, really, everyone said, are you sure? Let me can? I can? You can? I talk to your supervisor about that. No, I'm the king. No one's above me, So there is no proof at all that any wedding took place. But he's the king, you know. Again,

who's who's gonna question that? So everyone just kind of had to take his word for it. Only later on it actually was litigated because the illegitimate son was like vying for the throne and was like, well, if you let you're not legitimate because you're from this illegitimate strain. They never married, And then they said no, I mean it was legitimate enough that they inherited. So at this point and anyway, it turned into a whole litigation like

a long time later later on. Yeah, so they're kind of like, basically they're married posthumously because everyone agreed that they were married sort of, but there probably was the ceremony or any paperwork. If you believe it hard enough, it's true, it's true. So in thirteen sixty Peter Portugal dug up and yes this body and transported it in a grand procession to be royally intooped. He ended up having matching marble coffins made for them both, and they

were elaborately decorated with the story of their love. I wonder if I wonder if Constanza made an appearance and there at all her out, but they did include the b heading. Oh man, it was very true to life. So perhaps constanzas in there somewhere, like with a big X circle Constanza, I know, right, And maybe he had no ill will towards Constanza was I just love this lady. I'm sorry, Well you're fine, thanks for having my kids, right Constanza pen through enough for real. So these tombs

are like elaborately decorated. They've got the story of their love all carved out in them, and the words until the End of the World were carved into the top, which is quite romantic. Romantic, and these tombs are placed facing one another, the idea of being at the last judgment. These two will rise from the dead facing one another. They be the first thing they see and they rise from the dead, which is creepy. And his zombies look

look like always. Um. It does seem that Peter Portugal never remarried either, Um, though he did have another illegitimate child, John of Avis in thirty seven, with a woman named Teresa. We'll get back to John of Avis in a little bit.

Legend has it that Peter didn't stop at a grand funeral procession for in Yes, though he also had her decaying body dressed in royal coronation clothes and jewels, and had her propped up on the throne and made nobles like come in and kiss her hands and give her all the royal treatment and subjugation that she was denied in life. Now, apparently this story only appears in a play that was written in fifteen seventy seven. Of course, so many years after the occasions of this story. So

it's not likely that that is true. You know, that's not something that's out of bounds for royal to do. It's you happened, But I'm not sure that actually happened here. Um. However, Peter and and Yes is doomed love and his struggle with his father, and like all these great themes, you know, naturally inspired over twenty operas and countless authors and playwrights and stuff, and they nearly always include this legend, this motif and because that's that's good storytelling, honest. A weekend

at Bernie's like decaying corpse in a beautiful velvet cown. Yeah, that that really puts a punch at the hand that some noble has to be like, right, there's rings on it, you know, it's true. They're like for the stage. It's perfect. It's reminding me of we're watching The Great right now, we're in the middle of season one. Yeah, it's reminded me of that with his mother's corpse, all those fancy

clothes Royally Royal, Oh Royals is so crazy. So Peter Port should go here is also still super piste about this woman being executed, and he's looking for those three executioners themselves, and in thirteen sixty one, through some super sleuthing, he found them. One of the three managed to escape, but the other two were put on trial, where Peter declared them guilty. I'm like, he put them on trial just to talk to them in public because he was

the judge sangaroo court. Yeah, yeah, I already knew what I was going to do with you when I went looking for you. Yes. He said in court that they had ripped his heart out when they killed in Yes, so that it was only fair for him to do the same with them, And according to contemporary accounts, he ripped their hearts out of their chests with his bare hands, one of them straight through the front and one of them from the back. Total collima moment. That is crazy,

and I love it and I hate it. How do you like just punch your way through somebody's I'm going to go ahead and say I don't think no, I don't think it can happen. I mean, maybe he like carved him open and then pulled the hearts out to make his point about pulverizing his heart. But I don't think that's how they died. I feel like he must have posthumously removed them. Maybe not, but ipetially from the back,

like you have to get Well, here's the thing. I dressed it up in my mind as we're reading it, that he's just like like that scene in Dumb and Dumber, he's just punching right through their chest. But when you when you point out that, like maybe he did it after like carving them a bit, then they might have still been alive. He was very mad, he was they

did something very fucked up. He was very upset with them. Well, this nasty action earned him his nickname Peter the Cruel, which is one of those where I'm like, I guess that sounded way worse back then, because I'd be like, Peter the brutally horrific heart grabbing monster, Peter the heart pulverizer, Peter the Cruel, Peter the Cleaver. Yeah, Peter the Cruel sounds like he like Pete on somebody's stoop or something sometime, or like, you know, he just he was. He was unlikable.

He was like unpleasant to be around because he was kind of insulting, like a rude dude, Peter the Rude. He ripped my heart out, how rude. Medieval times must have been dark as ship and they're like, well he just ripped a couple of guys hearts. Sound that kind of deserved it. I guess he's just a little rude. That's cruel. Yeah, it's not like he's terrible, right, Yeah, Well, Peter the Cruel is actually a nickname that he shares

with his nephew, Peter of Castile. For him, you mean Maria and Alfonso's son, King of Castile, that's right, who is currently fighting for control of Castile against his illegitimate brother Henry trust Tomorrow, the son of Eleanor. So they're both named Peter, they're both neighboring country rulers at the same time in history, and they're both nicknamed the Cruel. Shouldn't there have been like a database for nicknames? Exactly? Where's the brand awareness? Where is where is the cohesion?

I thought we were overloaded with wands in the beginning, but it turns out there's Peters all over the place. Yeah, you got one, and I got Peters a million to Peter, Peter to Jane. So Peter of Castile got the nickname Peter the Cruel because some of his Catholic clergy sided with Henry of trust Amara, so in thirteen sixty six he ordered their executions, and thereafter his detractors painted him as a murderer of pious clergyman and worse than that,

a pro Jewish king. What horrible because they were super Catholic, right, very anti Semitic time um, and Peter of Castile was actually, by medieval standards friendly to his Jewish subjects Harrison. Henry of trust Amara loved a pogrom and he would costly be just executing Jewish people, and Peter would try to suppress them, so that they were using that against him, to call him the king of the Jews and like turn Catholics against him, because he was like, what if

I don't do that? Exactly, So Peter of Castile's supporters call him Peter the Just instead of Peter the Cruel, which funnily enough, is also something he has in common with Peter of Portugal. They were both Peter the Cruel depending on how you're talking to So thanks a lot, guys, You were not creative with these names. Did anybody ever see him in the same room at the same time? Oh my god, Well he was his own nephew, Oh my god. So anyway, yeah, Peter of Castile was losing

a lot of allies. Over the years, more and more noblemen were recognizing Henry trust Amara as the true king of Castile. You mean, the big asshole with no claim to power who was like a bigot and an anti semi managed to get more, uh loud and violent followers to join up with him. Weirdly, yes, who knew weirdly, it's almost like you could learn something from history. Almost. But we'll come on, who wants to do that? Um? And I don't want to act like Peter of Castile

was like a perfect something like that. He's certainly did some crazy ship too, but um, but I don't think I'm certainly more on the side of Peter the just if he was like, why don't we just not kill all these Jewish people for no reason? So anyway, finally in thirteen sixty nine, Peter of Castile decided to confront his brother on the battlefield and they had an epic battle, and Henry won, and so Peter hold up in a fortress.

So Henry sent an envoy named Bertrand to get Clon to open up negotiations with Peter of Castile, you know, to like negotiate his surrender. And Peter offered to get Clon two hundred thousand gold coins and several towns to betray Henry, you know, help him out. That's a pretty

good deal. That's a lot of money, that's a lot of towns, So do get Cloon immediately went back to Henry and told him all about the deal, and got Henry to give him even more goal in property to double across Peter Man classic, Hey, if somebody ever offers you a bribe to go against the person who hired you in the first place, go back to the person who hired you and say, hey, he's gonna offer me more. You want to the value here? So did get Klan tells Peter he'll accept the deal, and he leads him

into his tent to get it all agreed upon. But when Peter Castile enters the tent, Henry is there ship and they stare at each other and they realize they don't know who each other is. They don't recognize each other. It's kind of hilarious because, according to the historian Lopez the Ayala, they just kind of stood there looking at each other for a minute until get Clown was like, this is your enemy. And King Henry is like, wait,

are you Peter? Are you Peter of Castile? And Peter said yes, I am, I am he And so King Henry runs over heads him in the face with a knife and then stabbed him until he died, and then he left his body out in public for three days to be abused and humiliated by anyone who wanted to just cruel and Henry the cruel. Henry went on to rule Castile until thirteen seventy nine. Back in Portugal, Afonso's predictions came true when Peter the First died in thirteen

sixty seven. His legitimate son Ferdinand became the king, but then he died in three probably from being poisoned. So Afonso was like, he's weak and somebody's going to kill him. Boom. He got it exactly right. And when Ferdinand died he only had one daughter living, so he didn't have an heir to the throne. Whoever she married would basically be the king of Portugal, right, So it was like a hot political issue. Was a raffles serious serious, They're like, fuck,

what dick is going to come in here? Yeah? And I'm sure I certainly wonder if it was up to her, Like they were like, you choose the next king of Portugal for whatever you like best, Princess, I don't think so. Well, apparently she did have a preference. She wanted to marry Henry trust Tomorrow's son John, and Ferdinand had basically been teslain with John of Castile ever since he became King

of Castile. Of course, so he's like no. He says no a bunch of times, but he finally lets her have her way and says, okay, she's going to marry John of Castile. Now, Ferdinand said all this before he died, okay um, And he figured it was just a good way for to like cease hostilities with Castile Portugal and Castile will be cool again. Marriage worked before, right, it'll work again. Marriage always works out great for these guys. Great.

But then Ferdinand died and Peter, the first illegitimate children Ferdinand's half brothers, said well they should get the throne instead of John of Castile, of course, and yes, his sons John and Denny both thought they should get it, and so did Teresa's son, John of Avis. Don't forget him, the one who came along after, and yes, was killed.

Now they tustled for a while in the Crisis of three to five, and eventually the Castilian army was not just defeated, it was annihilated, and there was an undisputed king of Portugal, John of Aviz. John ends up being like this is like at the end, it came a throne. What's his name? Ends up being king and like him. Where did he come from? That really came out of left field, no one guessed. John of Levis and the

message boards. Wow, what there's just so many like illegitimate children having around own and causing havoc and strife and deciding there it should be in charge. And all these marriages, they were all the same. I know, what was what was the big deal? Titles? Titles, titles, Land and Gold. Ye, you know, can't we can't we all just get along, get together, share what we got, you know? No, no, Well, and I didn't even get into the fact that the Black Plague is happening this whole time, and so is

the Hundred Years War. They had to do all this in masks, in tight fittings, and they managed it. So yeah, that is that is the story of of Peter the First of Portugal and in yes to Castro, as well as Alfonso Alfonso, Peter of Castile, Eleanora Gusman, Maria of Portugal. Who else, Oh, Henry of Chustama and John Avevies. Wow, what a bunch of people. It's a whole lot of people,

I know. It is a lot in too in one week to be giving you all these royal names to keep straight, and so many mistresses and this and that, but it was such a fun story to go through insane. Thanks again to Barbara for the suggestion, because it was a lot of fun to take a Portuguese history rabbit hole deep dive. I don't know a lot about Portugal, I'll be honest, I haven't really looked in at their history much. This is pretty fascinating, I know. And apparently

this story of Peter and Yes is like taught. It's a very it's like the Romeo and Juliet also by the fifth grade, everybody knows it. It's very like common story. There's all these operas and everything exactly, and so they're even like it's amazing how much it's it's permeated even beyond Portugal. But it's like they're like, we're still waiting for I guess the Meo and Juliet telling of it

that makes it iconic for everyone. Such a it is kind of a similar thing like family struggle against true love, and that's sort of yeah, I want to go to Portugal now, already want to go back to Spain because we had such a great time. Honey, alert, honey, an alert, um, so please let us know if you got a spot we can crash in Portugal um, or just tell us what you thought of this episode, because this was a cookie one. I'm really curious if people how well you

followed all these names and stuff. Let us know about that, because it took me a second. But I think we I think we got through it. I think we made it make sense. I hope so again, it's just especially I was like so in it, and I was like, I know that Alfonso and Alfonso are going to be the most confusing thing about this story. And then I got to Peter of Portugal and Peter of Castile having the exact same nicknames and nickname options that I was like, I I'm gonna have to go over this one a

few times. And I left out a bunch of people they almost married too for other reasons. It's just wild because one of one of them almost married this girl who then they said she was insane and confined her away and says she was mentally ill and too mentally ill to be a queen, and another one who was supposed to marry a princess from England, which would have allied them with you know, totally different. It would have

been a completely different history. She got the Black plague because at the time it wasn't in Spain, and so they weren't taking it very seriously. And her and like a bunch of her entourage died, Like you were like, I didn't even get into that story. And then but I didn't tell you who they were or who they were going to marry. I tried to save some details.

I wonder why just Peter of Castile didn't go to Peter of Portugal or vice versa and just be like, you know, we're not so different and I were virtually identical. Well apparently go ahead, Well he did go. He was like when he fled Castile, when Henry was kind of like about to take over and he fled Castile, he sought refuge with his uncle, but he was coldly received. So I don't know why, but he was not a fan.

I guess they're not fans of each other, I guess, or maybe it's just Castile and Portugally just like, fuck you, I don't like you because you're from there. The sign says no Peter's Peter of Castile was also fighting with Aragon, who was also a Peter, so it was called the War of Two Peters Aragon, so it's yes. It was like he was fighting a war with Henry trost Mara and Peter of Aragon, the War of two Peters. Do you think Alfonso ever went to Alfonso and said, come on, dude,

just take the l well now, I hope he did well. Yes, Please send us your thoughts on this episode, on any episode. Send us suggestions for other ideas you've got for episodes. We'd love to hear those. Shoot us an email. Get us at ridic Romance at gmail dot com. Right, we're on Twitter and Instagram. I'm at Dynamite Boom and I'm at Oh Great, It's Eli and the show is at ridict Romance. Yes, you can't wait to hear from you, and we will be back next week with another excellent

and ridiculous episode. Thanks for being with us today, Love you so long. Friends, It's time to go. Thanks so listening to our show. Tell your friends, name's Uncle's in this? To listen to our show ridiculous roll n