If somebody gave me enough money to live well off of for the rest of my life without ever having to work again. Oh, the things I would do for you people, The places I would go, It's a whole new Doctor SEUs book. I would just innovate everything. I would be like, Boom, here's an electric car, boom, here's a clean atmosphere. Boom. Here's a cure for cancer. Boom, Here's uh uh sweet broccoli. I don't know what do people want? Your skill set has a really expanded Yeah,
because I don't have to work for a living. That's what you get. That's what you get. So all I'm saying is I'm willing to test this. I'm willing to make this a bet everybody wants to give me and sacrifice. Yes, yeah, go ahead, give me enough money for the rest of my life, and by the end of my life, you can be the one to tell me whether or not I accomplished anything or not. I will sacrifice my career
for this human experience. Honestly, I'd probably still do this show from time to time, from time to time to like two or three episodes a month every now when I feel like it. Yeah, I love doing this show. It's the best job I've ever had, definitely easily. Um, and I've had some cool jobs. You know, I've had some bad jobs, but you have had some cool jobs. I don't know if I've ever had a cool job. But well, you used to write recaps the podcast that was there was a coolness to that. There was a
coolness to that. I suppose. Well, let's see in Ridiculous Romance News, UM, sympathies out there across the world to all the twenty six year old girls who are now who are ineligible, ineligible to be Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriend too old. The graph aged out. The graph is shocking sounds because it sounds like a joke, like ha ha, Yes, he always breaks up with girls, but oh my god, it's it's every time they turn by. Pretty impressive. I don't know.
We talked about this yesterday. Well, you you mentioned that it's largely you think has to do with power and control and you have you know, as your partner is someone that you can influence right in a way. I think I think that there is a sense of like I like to feel like a guiding hand in my relationship, and that right kind of and so I want to be the one who like can answer your questions and like give you my wisdom. You know, there's like that sense.
And then also I just feel as a woman who is over thirty five now and getting older every day, I'm just like, eventually you just get to a point where you kind of just not taking a lot of bullshit from people. And I'm like, I think when you're younger, when you're a younger woman, you're willing to swallow a
lot more pun intended that an older woman does. And maybe there's men who are just like, good, you don't question me, you know what I mean, You're you're young, and you don't know your boundaries necessarily it or whatever, so I can really kind of mold you in a way. I don't know. That's probably an uncharitable way of thinking about it, but I don't think it's inaccurate or not based on yeah, some truths, for sure. I consider there's an element in addition to that of a of a
recognition of mortality or or trying not to rather. I mean, you know, somebody like Thenardo DiCaprio, who has been the hot guy for so long, like he's always been Leonardo DiCaprio right, and the idea of aging up out of his identity must be very frightening to some degree too, and I and I can't help but wonder if he focuses on dating younger people because it makes him feel young, It makes him feel I still got it. I'm still
accepted by the youth. Therefore, I'm basically the youth. And I don't have to lose that sense of identity that I have that the world gave to me because I've always been this this icon. Hey, he doesn't want to let that go, and it's this spear, and it's this immaturity, this sort of inability to let go of that past self. I think I don't know better yesterday, But no, I I get that that makes sense to me, just feeling.
I did see someone jokes that, like, you know, to to you and I and our age range of people, you can still picture Leo from Titanic and stuff like that. But a lot of these twenty five year olds are going to be like, hey, I'm dating the dirty guy from the Revenuant. I like their first memory and he's gonna be a lot older than ours. So even in their minds, you know, they're not. They're not seeing that baby face we are necessarily, so I think that's interesting too.
But I mean they may have started with Titanic, Romeo and Juliet or what's eating Gilbert Grape who knows film, But yeah, this girl he just broke up with was born the year Titanic came out. Titanic is now too old for Leo. I don't know. I mean, and you know, it's probably not even a conscious thing, like you're talking, not even like focusing on dating. It's just like that's what I find myself attracted to, and there's an unconscious reason for it that maybe you're not willing to examine.
And either it's and you know, it could be I'm stuck in the past, or I don't want to admit that I'm aging, or it could be I don't like women who tell them who push back on me or challenge me, and when I tell him to do something or say something, be act a certain way or whatever, you know what I mean. Like again, I don't want to act like Leo's over here being medieval girlfriends, but anything, but you know, you just see so like Dane Cook, I think just and he did marry someone super super young,
and you're just like, I don't know. Sometimes I think it's because you can't hold your own against a woman your own age who's got her own agency and her own idea about how she should be treated. And I don't know. I'm sure it's a combination of those things. I mean, we don't know the guy he might be. We don't know the delight she might be. I mean, totally domineering and like always screaming at him and stuff
too unlikely. Um, And there are plenty of strong minded twenty something so I don't want to act like every woman out there that's not twenty five and up doesn't know herself something. But I think any woman who is over twenty five would say I did change a lot between five and thirty five or forty five and fifty. I mean, you do. That's just how if you're doing life right, I think you're progress and change. Um. So, anyway,
well we're here now, let's talk about Leonardo DiCaprio today. No, but I will say it does sound like a story. And it's one of the reasons I bring up because we don't get into a lot of celebrity gossip on this show. It's not really all that interesting until it's historical.
But this does almost feel like in a hundred years or if this had happened a hundred years ago, we might do an episode about the the famous actor who could never date anyone over twenty five and all the time, like each between each commercial break could be a different girl friend that he broke up with right after her twenty five birthday. What's the deal? Leonardo DiCaprio on the
twenty episode, right back in the year nine seven. You know, yes, I'm doing robot arms because we're all in robot thoughties in the future, back in nineteen I have to move my hands around for a reason, like a robot. All robots will be in the future now. But I um, we are not here to talk about Leo. But we did have a really good time with our Reddit episode, Oh my God, and it was like more of a hit than we would have thought. Yeah, y'all really seemed
to enjoy that. He went well and we like doing it. Let's do another. I think that's a good idea. We're back. We're gonna be diving into that cesspool of the internet. Reddit. We found some great stories today about sexy stuff or maybe the opposite some of these sex But yeah, we'll throw out some of the questions that we saw and Reddit, we'll give a few of our own answers if we feel comfortable doing so. And uh, and we'll ask you
to send us yours too. So yeah, so let's let's jump into this Reddit episode and and see what's going on in the world of sex on Red. Let's go, hey that French come listen. Well, Elia and Diana got some stories to tell. There's no match making, no romantic tips. It's just about pridiculous relationships a lover. It might be any type of person at all, and abstract concept, our concrete ball. But if there's a story, we're the second glance.
We'll show ridiculous roll a production of I Heart Radio. Okay, so this is a real simple one to start off with. It was just a straightforward question, real quick. Uh. This user named your faith deaf Guy asked what is something that you will not tolerate during sex? And I feel like we know each other's answers to this question by now, I would hope so you don't like the hand puppets? IM sorry, you would think that as a theater person,
I would appreciate a little puppetry in the bedroom. But some of the things you make them say it was they're just trying to have fun. They got a lot of puns. What can I say something less less than you're saying now. The problem is what you always seem to be bothered by is when everything stops and I bust out the little stage, little punch and Judy stage,
roll it into the bedroom, bring down the curtain. But I have a little cassette te put that orchestra music on it as the opening play that the two puppets come out, And then you make me pay a nickel for it, and I'm like a nickel that nickel to the grocery store, go to the n get twenty out break the twenty, then break one of those dollars. It's a whole. That's why we haven't had sex in months. Oh my god, that's why you keep interrupting with the
puppet stage. Jeez. Well, next time I won't invite you. Me and my puppets will just have a show of our own. Wow, all right, I'm not even necessary, very upsetting. Um. And then what do you not like? I think you just said it? What do I not like what do you not like? Your hand puppets are great? I think you. I like my show as well. I think about my audience. I think, I think for both of us. Legit answer is bodily fluids. I think, yeah, no, East, you can
be involved waste. I don't want any any I don't need blood, spit, waste, nothing. I don't want any of that. There's only one type of fluid I'm interested in during sex, and it's sexy and even then little. Yeah, I'm not m I like my sex as dry as the desert. That's what I like. I just wanted to be like two pieces of cardboard rubbing together. Yeah, that's why I'll tune into this show to get turned on two pieces of cardboard sand paper. Alright, paper, I don't know. You
don't have to go with a rough texture. I like rough. What can I say? Thanks? All right, well, how about some of these ready dry, dry and rough? Oh yeah, give me that level. There's gonna be no splinters after this sex, smooth sailing. Alright. Well, if anyone's left, we'll read some of these. It's the responses now. Mr Jonathan Crouch ready user said, licking my goddamn eyeball. I had a friend in high school who dated a guy who liked to lick eyeballs, and she thought it was hot.
This guy was very sexy, bad boy. Yeah, I'm sorry, but there's something very fucking gross about that. To me, tell us how you really feel. Maybe I don't know because I wear contacts, which means you have to put your fingers in your eye much grocer, I guess, but I don't know it just no, that's just a note for me. Yeah, I'll say that as well. I don't like things touching my eye. You what is the of licking an eyeball? Is it like a feeling? I shouldn't
be doing this like that. It's like boundaries. Can you break in the name of intimacy? What's left? What's what's it's the final frontier your eyeball. I'm boldly going no tongue has gone before? Uh user, the fact said, refusing to call me Santa unacceptable. I asked for one thing. I mean, but does he commit? Is he dressed up in the station? Is he bringing? I mean, is he like setting out milk and cookies? Oh? Were you a
good girl? That's you? You tell me Santa? Oh? Let me just check my list here, Oh very not what's going to happen to me? Here's your coal? Bye? And then I climb up the chimney and you never see me again until next year. How do I do well? If you like it rough and dry? Nothing better to get than a chart over gets fair enough? How about when asked something you will not tolerate during sex users, the angry arcanists said, non constructive comments about my performance.
I want to improve, Cheryl. I don't need criticism, I need advice. That's that makes sense to me. Okay, okay, yeah, it's like, don't just say this is bad, I don't like it, Say hey, stop putting coal in my bedroom? Fair? All right, now I've learned. Now next year I'll come with a present. Yeah exactly, Santa, maybe you should learn to be nice and listen? How am I going to
get harnessed like a reindeer girl? Okay, okay, see now you've said what you want and now we learned, and now when next December rolls around, we can try it. It's all about communication. Yes, user wing light said sand no sand anywhere? Please? Oh Anakin's that you course? But honestly dry, dry, rough and dry. It just depends on how you like. I've never understood beach sex sounds like a nightmare. First of all, you've never been more exposed. It's not not a not a not a shrub, so
anyone within like five meters. I guess I don't know why I'm going to switch to metrics. What is gonna see what's going on? And then on top of that, the elements. Can we talk about the elements? So many elements, the salt water, the sand crabs would can you imagine rolling over on a jelly fish? Not really? And I don't like, like, oh do that again? And she's like, I did, I didn't do anything. I love it. I love A little sting during sex really wakes me up.
Honey grabbed the Portuguese man of war. I like to be poisoned. Do you want me to pee on it? No? I told you I don't like that. Yeah, maybe that's a can't grows like I'd like to be pete on, but it has to immediately follow a jellyfish sting. Otherwise it's not hot life neutralizing the venom. It's all about the pH balance. For me, I find it so hot when you balance my pH alright. User Foxy Gurley said, once had an X who said he wanted to kill me and screw my body. Wasn't with him for very long.
L m a O, she state Army hammer, Right, what a weird thing to say, especially you've got one of the context here too. Was she like, hey, tell me your deepest, darkest secret. And he was like, all right, well you know what, Like I don't. I don't necessarily like it about myself, but I have this interesting thing.
It's if you're gonna think it's weird, and that's fine, like forget I ever said, Okay, all right, well I kind of like there's I had this impulse that I like want to kill you and like have sex with your corpse. I'm sorry, it's so strange, Okay, which part is more of a red flag? I want to kill you or and then have sex with your corps because I'm like, listen, I feel that if he was like, if you died, I have this impulse that I would
then have sex with your corpse. We already have an issue there, but now you're saying, also on top of that, you would like to murder me in order to achieve this ambition. No, thank you you need to be out of my house. Well, because I suppose someone couldn't help that. I mean, you can't. You can't just turn off the kink, yeah right, you can't. Can't argue with a turn on brain works. But so if if someone who did would never, would never harm. Somebody has that impulse, how else could
they find someone who would be into it. It's got to be a website for that, where someone can be like, I like to pretend to be a corpse. I just need to find someone who's into that. It's definitely a corpse, like I need rotting flesh smell, right right, No I don't, I don't. Now that's see, that's too far. That's necrophilia. That's too far. Well yeah, because that's actual necrophilia and
not just like I'm into this fantasy. Okay. You know you're saying, okay, okay, okay, So you're saying someone might want to pretend that someone is dead. Yeah, they don't actually want a cold, stiff body underneath. I assume that that it's more common than the other. Well, you know
what they say about assuming. I mean, I mean that's fair. Look, I just said generally, I think people's kinks are more about the play and the fantasy than the reality of it, you know what I mean, Like, I don't really you know, someone would be like, I don't really want you to handcuff me to uh to a steel frame and electrocut me. I just want to do it in like the kinky way, right or like um the something I cannot get into is a RT fantasy. I mean, I know there's people
out there who have them. Before I would be miserable, but I know that the idea is like I don't want to Actually, the consent is already there. It's just that I would like the experience of not consenting while still consenting. That is uh I it boggles my mind just because I can't. I would not appreciate it. But yeah, I guess you're right there. They don't really want to be raped. That is what they want. Typically when it
comes to kink and role play and stuff. That's when it's like, but I will say in Foxy Gurli's defense here and and to your to your to your point, she did say, I once had an ex who said he wanted to kill me and screw my body, So you know I don't The point is they're not together anymore, and it's probably the best. Are the two related? Who knows? Not for me to say, um, ergonomic humans said one time, instead of calling me daddy, my ex called me dad
to funk with me. I did not like. That's so different. Dad's too far that so should we take this to the bedroom? Oh? Yeah, who's my bad girl? I am dad? What? I borrowed the car and I didn't feel up the gas tank. Teach me a list. I don't think that's what we're trying to do. Dad. Are you still watching yellow Stone? I'm completely disinterested, but you can recap last week's episode. Okay, this is not father. I paid for the premium service when I got my oil chain. Wait,
you did what battle me? Okay, now that one we have to talk about. I know that's so formal, it's so too much daddy. Daddy is never about being your father. No, dad is for father's only, not for sex partners. Daddy is a completely different title as I understand it, um, And it's not meant to be like I'm related to you, you know, burst and raised you. No no, no, no, no no name, new name. Now, I'm sure that really cool?
Things off ergonomic human. It's gonna be rough and dry tonight. Um, well, let's go, let's cool ourselves off here a little bit with a break, and when we come back, we'll talk about some people's worst sexual stories because we started the episode of necrophilia and so it can only go downhill. Look, there's some good stuff coming up, so stay tuned. We're right back. Welcome back to Reddit. All right, everybody. So, a user kaleidoscope one asked a very important question on Reddit.
They said, what is your worst sexual story? Diana? Do you care to share my worst sexual story? No? No, probably one time is like making out, you know, heavy pett we're necking, necking in the car. We're young, and they were like seventeen eighteen or something like that. I don't know. I mean, I guess it's probably least twenty. But anyway, with my eggs. We're in the car by a park and I have my pants off, you know, we're getting dirty, and a cop showed up and like
shined his flashlight, like do I clear my vagina? You can't be after eleven me? Oh no, that was probably the worst. It was very embarrassing. Wow, you literally just completely undermined mine because it's very similar. Oh, I know, you have a cop. We were in the car, cop
us interrupt us. But here's the thing. We were in the car in a parking lot and a car just drove by us from behind, and like we saw some headlights flash in the window, and we like stopped and you know, kind of ducked down and tried to hide, and then they drove away. So it wasn't quite as I think nobody's trying to flashlight directly at us. I don't even know if it was a cop. If they saw us, got a real eye full of me. I'll say that, and I did not appreciate it. I did.
I did have a cop. I was with a girlfriend up by the river. But we had like one of these riverside parks at like twilight dusk, like it was getting dark, and we were literally just hanging out. We were just like took a walk, old hands watching the ducks sleep. Nice, nice old lady, A little old couple. You're like a little old couple. I mean, we went home and got crazy, but we were just at the parkerts. It was a nice night and we get to get out that much, and all of a sudden you see
this light come on behind us. It's real bright. And we turn around and this guy is like I could not see him. He's like positioned himself in front of his like car searchlight and we're this like suburban park in the middle of you know, the happiest place on earth. And he's screaming at us like just stand up slowly, turn around slow and I'm like already, have my hands in my pockets and he's like, gets your od s pockets, get yours at your pockets, like insane, Like it was
the scariest thing. I thought he was gonna shoot us both. And then eventually it's just like, well the parks closed, it dark. We're like okay, so we'll just go. He's like, yeah, you better get home. What a gas irritated and he was just swinging his stick around because he has nothing to do. Yeah, he wished he was stationed like in New York City where like guns are going off. Yeah, he has this fantasy image about what's he's that he's Bruce Willis and I and he showed up at the
parking Fucking Hans Gruber's there with his girlfriends. He's the only one who can really save marry it up. Oh that was annoying, but not a sex story. Sorry, wow, everybody, just I just called out the puppet show. Sorry? How about some of these? How about some of these? Well? Crimson Baryl said she and her wife decided to have a foursome with a straight couple named Kevin and Carlo.
Oh very nice hot. Kevin was apparently super awkward the whole time, and Crimson Baryl said, quote, I had a position I thought everyone would be happy with, but Kevin just lost interest and left the room. Kevin, what are you doing? Kevin? We need to talk about Kevin goes on to say, quote found out later he didn't like the fact that my strap on was bigger than his dick. How insecure does the dude have to be or ruin
a foursome with three women? Curiously, Kevin, Then Kevin, it's okay, buddy, Kevin, no once comparing them and going wow, he's not even as big as this artificial dick that was literally designed to be bigger than dicks. That's why it's so funny when dudes don't like vibrators, because it's like it's your dick cannot vibrate. That is not something you're capable of. Maybe you just can't make it vibrate. Have you ever
thought about that look inward? Oh Kevin, need to fix that because you had you had a fantasy going on in your bedroom. The thing is, it sounds like this was Kevin's worst sexual experience. Maybe, Oh my god, I didn't think about that. Poor Kevin. He was like, man, I had these three ladies and I could not hang and I was not hung. There you go, there you go. You got the rim shot in this one. It could
have been Kevin's but it was fine, all right. Well, this person tabled the bill said that senior year of college, he took a girl back to his bedroom. She started giving him a hand job, and after a few minutes she started crying. He said. Quote. I asked her why she's crying, and she says, I'm thinking about all the kids in the Sudan who are dying right now. So I tell her we can stop, but she insists on
continuing and doesn't stop crying. Apologizing for crying or jerking me off about your dick is making her think about people starving. She just she just that's where she goes. Also, it's just Sudan. I don't think it's the Oh my god, no, I don't. I don't know what it is. She's got going on where she just can't she can't kiss. She's just a bleeding heart, you know, I guess, just always worried. Do we talk about virtue signal signaling and this seems
like the biggest impossible virtue signal? Oh no, oh yeah, you're so hot? Yeah? Yeah, you like how hot? That is? Hot? Yea, so hot? Almost almost as hot as our planet is getting. Yeah, sure, baby hot. I mean even if it rises by one more degree in here, there could be massive flooding in the global refugee crisis, the likes of which we ever seen, starving entire ecosystems. No, baby, stop you No, the oil
companies are the ones you should stop. Future generations will suffer for our arrogance and our self is obsession with excessive comfort. And hey, y said, don't stop. And then at the end he's like, see, I'm a good person. Yeah, unlike all the people who have sex and don't think about what do you mean you had sex last night and you didn't even consider all of the starving children
in Ethiopia. Right now, there's an energy crisis in England right now, and historic flooding in Pakistan and you're just laying there sixty nine in your life away while the biggest drought to ever hit Spain in twelve hundred years is ravaging Western Europe. And don't know if you hurt. But there's a war in Ukraine right now. Don't stop. I'd be like, all right, I don't want to fuck n PR. Let's look at another one. How do they get any better than that? Uh? User? Ted Bundy red
flag right there? Feel like we should just kick him off the platform altogether now. Ted Bundy was in a bad relationship with a woman who was a bit too controlling, and she had a strict schedule for them. Quote nine pm we would have sex, then at ten we would fight, and at eleven maybe go to bed. Sex every day is fine until you schedule it, and then it's like
doing the dishes. He said he was feeling sick one night and told her that he had an upset stomach, to which she replied that he must be cheating on her, and that's why I didn't want to have sex. Girl. Sometimes your stomach herts. So he finally caves said she was lifeless, and he did all the work. Where's our necrophiliac guy? This was his dream scenario quote, Well, all that motion makes things worse. I stopped. She asked, did
you come? Before I can answer, I just vomit all over her and the bed ship storm of the century while she runs to the shower and I clean up the bed. Oh my god, Oh my gosh. She deserved that, honestly. Well, what did I say earlier? No vomit. We said it right up top the episode. She's someone who vomits when she sees vomit, and then it's just a vomit cycle, on and on. Someone's probably vomiting right now. That is so fucking gross. I don't know that I would ever
have sex again if I got vomit. I would be like, I can't I have PTSD. Oh my god, VTSD. Well, yeah, I gotta go take a shower real quick. Definitely after that one when we come back. I mean, that was Kevin, that was table the bill, getting the crying hand job, and of course Ted Bundy barfing Allo where his over controlling girlfriend. Incredibly, I hope they're not together anymore because that's crazy, that's too much. But when we come back.
Somebody said, specifically, girls, what was your worst sexual experience? Girls? Specifically? You know that those are going to be very extreme. I can't wait. Yes, we'll be right back and welcome back to the show. Everybody, all right? So, yeah, we were asked, girls, what was your worst sexual experience? By the King of fall Kings, of the King of fal Kings, the King of falal Kings, but of them all Lord Autumn, you may call me the King oh fal Kings. So
he's Irish too, but how follow the best? I am the King. Yeah, I meant to say, the King of all Kings. Have to call in and tell us which it is in our calling show that we have. The board is lighting up. Somebody calls coming in all right. This user, who has since been deleted apparently because this post right said quote, I was having sex with a new boyfriend for the first time and I had a seizure.
He didn't realize what was happening at first and finished, To be fair, I hadn't had a seizure in years, and he didn't know that I had epilepsy. Feels like you should let a bit you know, if you have well, I mean, if you haven't had an issue in years. He was like, Wow, she's really feeling it. Was doing something right now, She's like drooling at the mouth. This is like the opposite of someone playing dead. She's like flopping all over the place, over the place, a lot
of energy. Awkward. He must have felt terrible. I'm sright right, I feel hopefully. Oh my god, I would have stopped. Why didn't you say anything? And she's like, because I was having a seizure? Well because what? Then? Then he at some point he finished and was like, oh did you finish too? Hey are you Oh you're still twitching. Wait a minute, something's wrong here, your eyes breaking your head? Let me get a spoon. I don't know. That's I really would like to know the aftermath, like how did
they figure out that it was a seizure? They treat it? Did it just end? And she was like, yeah, by the way, that was a seat. That's not how I that's not what it's like. Did I come just don't want it at a house on a manager expectations from now, I don't know. Always start bombing at the mouth. He's like, listen, fellows, I've sucked this girl so hard to us and as you get rabid, you know the like, no, it's a medical condition. Okay, here's one from another user who deleted
their profile so it doesn't show their name. Um, but they said this is They said, I once had a guy asked to fuck my armpit, which is weird, right, and I was like, that's strange, who would want that? But my favorite part is that another user replied, that's called bagpiping. Oh I was bagpiping this girl last night. What is that armpit? It's when you go between her chest at her arm and it's that sweat. Sorry, that was just the funniest thing I read all day. That's
so funny. I love that someone's like, oh, no, no, I know what this is called. I should really step in and educate the rest of the users. Thank you because I didn't know that. So I do. I do have more information. He's like, I've been in the bagpiping community for a number of years, now, ask me anything. You know. Consent is key, as as as always got to make sure that you ask someone before you start blowing their bagpipes. Does it actually make like a fart noise?
Like when you put your look in my mind, it makes a full on bagpipe noise. So who knows, maybe there's no such thing as bagpipes, and this whole time just been fucking armpits all up and down the moors. I think, well, so the entirety of Scotland may call into our switchboard here and let us know if you'd care to comment. Another deleted user. Wow, these ladies are like, I'm gonna tell my worst sex story and then get
the hell up and reddit forever. I do not blame them at all, they say, was giving this really attractive, well endowed guy a blowjob. As he nears climax, he says, am, I am yes, yes, I'm coming. I am the fucking champions. I love that he's confused at first, like, am I, oh my god, I am right, That's what it feels like, goes on to say. Then he just sort of lay their eyes closed, randomly shaking every few seconds. I said his name a few times, and he was just blacked
out or something. I was so embarrassed. Embarrassed, girl, you knocked out the champion, girls, the champion. That sounds like you're the champion. Are you sure he wasn't having a seizure. I was about to say, maybe that's insane. I am the fucking champion. That's some Patrick Bateman level. Uh. Just masculinity right there, girl, Then I can ejaculate who I'm the king. I did have a friend once sleep with a guy and she called me like the day after, like I have to I have to tell someone. And
I was like, what's going on? And she said we were doing it? And he goes, oh my god, I'm coming. I'm coming like a train. What what look? Sometimes they at the moment you don't know what you're saying, like a train, but coming like a train. And I just have to wonder what train he was picturing? Right? Are we talking about like a Hogwarts Express? Are we talking about like tiny three tend Yuma Hogwarts Express or Bullet train in Shanghai? Like what train were you think picturing
in your mind? God? Wow, like Thomas the tank Engine coming Like Thomas the Tanken. God, what a what a thing to scream I'm coming like a train? Not no one ever says, oh, I guess you say the trains coming. Yes, it's not like something I would associate trains. They often come like they often come and go. Even I wish you chew chewed? Oh my god, I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. Come. Come, come on, this is a dirty episode. I hope nobody's
sons are listening. I hope they are and they learned something. Don't say that. Don't tell you party you want to kill them and fund their corp. Yes, I'm just saying. I just feel like that's probably not a good idea. All right. Well, here's our final worst sex story from a woman. Um. This is from a redd user named somewhat Raven. Great, great screen. That's wonderful. Handle. She also said in the post that she has told this story a few times on Reddit. So and and she should.
She should get a lot out of this. She deserves it, all right. So, she was dating a guy for about a month. They were taking things slow, even though there was a ton of sexual tension between them, and on his birthday they were hanging out their partying, they got really drunk and they ended up back at his place. She said she could not wait to bang this guy right and just spent tension building waiting for the right time. M this is gonna be good. Kinda walked through the door.
I'm gonna immediately strip oh, she said. Quote we go to his room, where I had never been, and he's obviously still wasted, and he mumbles something about not having much time to clean lately. As he's opening the door, he turned on his light and I literally gasped. His room was fucking filthy. He had no bed, just a mattress on the floor, dirty laundry everywhere, empty beer cans and DVDs and dishes on the floor, and it smelled
like rotting food. I'm there, I'm in it story and in this room, in this room, right yeah, I like bought weed in this room in college and then immediately left. It was like, thanks, Hope, I never see you again, but I will because you're my week in three weeks, all right. So she says she did all these mental gymnastics to try and convince herself whatever she needed to convince herself of, to stay there so she could screw this guy, really this guy. She helped him clean up.
She took a few more shots smart and then they turned the lights down, she said, quote enough that I could almost ignore my surroundings, and then they started making out. Before long, she noticed that he was crying. I don't think he was thinking about the Sudan. He was like, I'm just so worried about global politics. Though then she says, they're making out. He's crying, and then he quote jumps up naked, flips on the lights and points to his
flaccid penis and gestures a big shrug. Then like he's the announcer at the circus, says, and here, ladies and gentlemen, is the star of the show. Oh my begged him to calm down. Quote, but he completely ignores me, like I'm not even in the room. It's just him and his penis. And now they're having an argument. He is mad at his penis. He scalds his penis for always fucking everything up? Why do you always do this to me every time? What is wrong with you? Why are
you doing this now? Of course, she says, she's scared out of her mind because it's what she called, quote literally the craziest ship I have ever witnessed in my life. I think many of us might say that with you, Raven. And then she's trying to talk him down and he's
still just ignoring her. And so the second he turned away from her, she grabbed her ship and she bolted for the door, which of course, was hard to get to because of all the ship everywhere in his filthy fucking room, and she says, quote, as I'm hopping my way out, he's banging his fucking head against the walls slowly and methodically slapping his penis or maybe giving it a spanking. In any case, it's apparently being punished. Oh
my god. And then the kicker, she says, is that as she's leaving her bedroom, he screams at her get out of my house. Oh, and She's like, yeah, dude, way ahead of you. I mean, yeah, I am currently doing that now. That's the most annoying ship ever is when you're doing something and somebody tells you to do I can't stand it. I'd be like, I could deal with you slap in your own dick, but this is
too far. You have those old shitty retail jobs and you're like literally doing something in a manager because he's like, make sure you stock that shelf. And I'm like, yeah, I'm doing it. I'm about to stop doing it because you said I'm worried about this guy to be yeah, oh yeah, definitely. This guy is not well. It sounds like this is not the first time he's done this. No, So I have to wonder does he have in a
rectile dysfunction? Is he not sleeping with the people he really wants to sleep with and therefore can't um no, I'll maintain too, essence or toss wow fellows pull over, We're maintaining miss um No. I almost certainly would say that this is a psychological issue that he's having. Also, he's wasted, which doesn't help you. Maybe he only tries to have sex when he's drunken and can't. Maybe. But they say, like, for example, a lot of the erectile
dysfunction medication doesn't it's not. It doesn't just give you a boner. It allows your body if it can't give you an erection to do so. But if you're having just a psychological issue, it's not going to do it for you, you know. So I think this guy that it is not difficult for your psychology to stop you from be able to perform sex. And this guy clearly has some psychological issues. Either that or he is on a on a medication for his mental health, and those
can often mess with your sexual health. Not always, but they can. So that's my guess, is it's something that he doesn't have e D He's just dealing with something in his head, and that is very scary, very absolutely, And it's not like this was someone night stand. She'd been dating this guy for a month. I know, you know, it seemed like they were having wanted to do it, really wanted to. But I guess you probably never went
back to I don't think so. Some people in the commons suggested that him screaming get out of my house was actually directed towards his penis. He's like, you're the only thing standing in my way. No, you stay, you go, you down there, you know it. Really, it's like we said last time we did the Reddit episode, there's all these historical people, there's all these impressive and amazing stories, and I love telling him. I can't wait to get back the next one. But really, you just dig in.
You just this is like walking into a bar and just find the greasiest weirdo you could find it being like, tell me a fucking story, and they tell you the most insane story you've ever heard in your life, and you're like, I never could have gotten this from the news. Very true. Yeah, this is this is real. This is real, ship, right, here's rough and dry rough and dry ship right here.
Sometimes with the Internet, you just want to follow up, like like sometimes you'll see a video where somebody falls and it's very funny, but you're also like, is that person alive? I need to know if they're dead, it's not as funny. I really need to know. And this is another I'm like, is there fault? Like I wish he could he would never never story And the guy yelled at his dick, but if he could, if he could have a follow up, its eight. Listen, everything's fine.
I was just on this pill or I was having a hard time medic experience like therapy and things working now and I'm happy you're yeah, you'd love to hear it is. If you are one of these users, or if you think one of these stories is about you, then please tell us. The dance story really brought back to I often cry while I'm giving hand jobs when I think of the Sudan. So we're like, it's not the Sudan. It's not just if you ever meet someone
who calls it thus Sudan. I want you to think to yourselves, this might be that crying hand job person and be like, well, I guess you have to give me a hand job, so I know for sure I have to know. Excuse me, but I'm trying to figure something out. Can you do me a favor? Give me quick hand ups. It's not it's not weird. I'm just I'm trying to figure out who you are. I'm trying to reduce your identity. There's so many other ways to do that. Well. I can't wait, of course, to get
back to our histories next week. But I also can't wait to get to another one of these because I think eventually we've got a few reddits pulled to about some really ridiculous marriage proposals, so I think that'll be our next one. Started to look into those, um But in the meantime, please I want you to look at these questions we asked from Reddit today. I really, I really really want your answers. So come on, send us an email, will you. Yes, we could do a whole
listener mail just about your absolutely would amazing. Yeah, send us an email and let us know if you feel comfortable with us reading them on the air. Yes, I want to hear it. If you want to, just send it so we know, just make sure to say don't read it or don't say my name or whatever, but it's up at ridic Romance at gmail dot com right or Twitter and Instagram. I'm at Dynamite Booms and I'm at Oh Great, it's Eli the show. It's at ridic Romance.
We will be back next week with more incredible histories and strange ridiculous romances. Don't forget to leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and we'll catch you off the next one. Thanks so much for listening, y'all, Love you, Sol, It's time to go. Thanks for listening to our show. Tell your friends neighbor's uncle's in dance to listen to a show ridiculous Well Dance m