Mechanophilia: When Loving Your Car Goes Too Far

almost black. It had a carpet over the dash because I guess whoever owned it before was like actually cared about it, so they were trying to keep the leather nice. Of course, I was in high school or rather in college, so I was like covered it with pins and ship from like Spencer's puns and whatever. That's awesome. But my first car was a Ford Explorer at some point my driving days. Yeah, I did not care for it. I loved mine. I felt like I was at home in

that car. It was. I took that car to college when I went up to New York. We saw some we saw some things together, we were we went through some ships. I also drove mind to college. But that's why I didn't like it, because I went to college in the middle of downtown Atlanta, and every parking deck is like cramped a ship. So it's in this big gas explorer like trying to fit into these spaces. I was like, not a confident driver. Yeah, yeah, Well we're

talking cars today. Boy, boy, are we talking cars today? Before we bring you our final chapter on the absolutely fascinating Collette, I hope you're enjoying that. We wanted to take another break from people loving people and go back to one of our most ridiculous romance subjects, objective sexuality. If you haven't heard our episode about Ayarita and the Berlin Wall, like, definitely, we recommend going back and checking that one out after this one, or even if you

did here, just revisited that episode is so good. Um, But today we're talking specifically about people who are sexually aroused by vehicles. I mean we're talking little cars, we're talking big trucks even like full on helicopters and fighter jets. And these people have got boners for beamers, right, They are hard for hatchbacks. They want to get a hummer from a hummer. So clutch your stick shift and chassis and rev those engines because it's time for some hot

rod honeys room room. Hey the French, come listen. Well, Eli and Diana got some stories to tell. There's no match making, a romantic tips. It's just about ridiculous relationships, a lover. It might be any type of person at all, and abstract cons that are a concrete wall. But if there's a story where the second plants ridiculous rolls a production of I Heart Radio, I think before we get start on this episode, because this is a tight little episode and we've got a little spare time. So how

about we reached into our bag here. I think it's time for amiracle awesome. Yes, and this one is actually very very relevant to today's episode. This was sent to us on Instagram from Sarah Johnson Sarah dot Sexton dot Johnson. Thank you, Sarah, Sarah. They sent us an article from January about a woman in Germany who wants to marry a Boeing seven seven. So from the article quote Sarah

Rhodo tells the Sun my plane is called Dicky. I love everything about him, but particularly his face, wings and engine. They're so sexy to me. Some people don't understand my love, but my friends took my coming out very well and encouraged me. All right, there you go. We've seen this in Ourita episode where she talked about her little town

in Sweden being very exciting. And I feel like in that episode two we learned about Germany and other places over there, Germany was like that kind of kind of cool with it, more or less more so than we are here. Well, yeah, I think they even yeah, they said Germany was of course, was very cool with it. And then as you got further east and they had more like animism and like Shintoism, which believes there's a soul in like every object, tree and everything, like, they

got more and more accepting of it. But then as you go further west, of course into the US, it's like, what are you talking about. You're telling me that Americans were less accepting. What a country colonized by Puritans? Well, yeah, she says she's in love with this plane. She flies on it as often as possible. Again, like our object sexuality episodes, she has hundreds of toy models of the plane. She sleeps with one of the models that's almost as

big as she is. A Rita also had a model of the Berlin walls with complete with barbed wire exactly, terrifying bed mate. Everything else I was fine with, but the barbed wire was bridge too far, and I was like a bridge bridge. I'd love to meet him, could him up? So anyway, this woman who's in love with this plane, she told lad Bible quote, I've been attracted to objects since I was a teenager. I first noticed

it when I was fourteen years old. I noticed that I wasn't attracted to people when I didn't want to cuddle or become intimate with them, unlike my objects, where I crave cuddles and being intimate. It's the best sex I've ever had, which is unusual because I Rita and like Rika Eiffel were like not interested in talking about how they had sex with their objects, Like they were like, that's really grossive you to ask. But she's like, it's the best sex I've so maybe she's more willing to

discuss how it works. She refers to Dickie the plane as her boyfriend, but of course she can't marry it. It's not legal in her home country of Germany to marry an object, or any country, I think, she said quote. I've also had two relationships with men because I just wasn't sure what my real sexuality was, but I soon realized that I can't feel these romantic things for people. Now I know that my sexuality is object Ophelia, and

I stand by it all right. And before Dickie, Sarah says she was in love with an express train called Ice three. I mean, first of all, Ice three is a very sexy name. Ice three kind of want to change my name to Ice Would that be cool with you? I guess it'll take some getting used to. My friends. Gone listen, well, three and Diana got stories to tell. It fits. It's still the sables, no notes. Yeah, I have to change all my email addresses. Well, this is up to you. Do you feel like spending the money

and time? We'll talk about it. I will stand by you, by which I mean I'll talk to myself about it. Thank you for standing by me in this difficult time. In this difficult time, honestly, you know, things are pretty tough for me right now. I'm having a real hard time about whether or not I'm going to change my name to Ice three. And I would say that that puts me as a contender for most challenged personally in the United States right now. Bold claim cotton. It's harder

for me than anyone. I will not be taking questions backslash sum very interesting. Thank you Sarah for sending that in. Yeah, and you know, don't confuse Sarah who sent in the story with Sarah who is the story. I realized they're both called Sarah. Sarah Johnson sent it in Sarah Rhodo is the person who loves the Jets. But yes, that was a really awesome article to read, and of course it was so cool. It's always cool when you all

reach out with things that you're like. I would never have paid attention to this if it wasn't for your episode, that sort of thing. So thank you Sarah for sending that. And also, it really is so in line with this episode because object sexuality has its own little offshoot. It does.

It does. We've talked at length about os not just today but on this show in the past, where people feel an intense physical, often even emotional connection to objects, and a lot of people consider this their personal sexuality, like we just read with Sarah, like their preference is for objects rather than say men or women or any humans at all. When we looked at the story of Ayaritta, who fell in love with and married the Berlin Wall,

or Erica who married the Eiffel Tower. These were actually like shockingly sweet stories about perfectly sane, sound minded women who just found joy in the bonds they formed with various objects, very eloquent, normal sounding, like, Hey, who am I hurt in anyway? And it's like, I don't know what I mean. It was like, can't be mad somebody coming to me and talking to me about how they like, uh, you know, pineapple and pizza or something where I'm like,

I can't argue with you. You You like it? What am I supposed to say? You like it? Great? Good for you? Actually do like pineapple and pizza? Sorry, feel not regularly, No, it's just nice if it's there. I'm like, it works, honestly. Pineapple, uh, pepperoni, pineapple and feta is a really good combination. O. Um. So, anyway, we're going to get more hate from that than anything

else we've talked about on this show. We're going to start boycotting delete this entire podcast reviews are about plummet. But in all these stories, there really was a strong case to be made for acceptance of this lifestyle, because literally no one is getting hurt. Um. These people made no effort to change the legal system to accommodate their tastes, right. I mean that the the O s I group was very emphatic about that. We don't need, you know, recognition

legally of this marriage. I'm not looking for a tax break for me and my wall husband. And you know, these people seem to be living happy and productive lives. So who's who's who's amongst us can judge the first This was an early episode of ours, and it really helped us set off on a tone of acceptance and curiosity on this show rather than like judgment and mockery, because I think that's easy to slip into with some

of these subjects, right. Well, you know some people make that a little harder than others, and we're going to visit with some of those folks today. They set themselves up for that because, Yeah, within that same episode, right, we casually mentioned that it's not uncommon for people to sexualize their cars. I think we're specifically talking about how the US is a little hypocritical about that kind of thing, because we're like, we do actually get vibes off of

objects or places or whatever. Um, And one of those things. Is definitely cars. Um, we often give them genders. We talk about their curves or their per you know, they're sexy perl. She's really right. People might refer to their cars with pet names like baby or sweetie or something like that. So mechan ophelia is the term for people who are attracted to machines, which includes bikes, cars, helicopters, ships,

and airplane. Right, and it might not be necessarily vehicles. Uh, you can talk about other machines as well, And it's sort of an umbrella term. You've got paraphilia sort of at the top, and that's an attraction into objects, situations, fantasies, behaviors, or even like types of individuals like like like a fantasy creatures like centaurs or something, right, And it's a it's specifically categorized as an intense sexual arousal to these objects.

So sort of underneath that you have objective sexuality, which is specifically objects things that's what I'm attracted to, And then underneath that you have mechanophilia, which is those objects for me are machines. Yeah, as opposed to like, uh, we had people in the writt To episode who were in love with swords or you know, items, playing cards

and things like that. Stadium's actually, uh, Eric Eifel was in love with a fighter jet for a while, so she's a little bit of mechanophilia with her objects sexuality, So that's that's interesting. Um, but yeah, some people take their attractions a bridge too far. But while in the same line of thinking is Arita or Eric Eiffel, It should be totally acceptable for anyone to have strong romantic feelings for their car if that's what they need to

be happy, fine, whatever for it. You're not taking anything away from anybody exactly. I got so many letters to write about, so many other things. I'm not going to start with that. But it's a little harder to get behind this guy, though. I'd rather be behind him than

in front of him. In two thousand and seven, a then forty five year old Canadian named Sandy Wong was arrested not once, not twice, but three time for the simple crime of trying to fuck cars in public and no, by the way, of course, the cars were not his dranger cars once twice, three times a car fucker, no no. As reported in the Edmonton Sun, witnesses first saw Sandy checking out three BMW cars on display at the Home

and Garden Auto Show on March two thousand six. If you're looking for a place to hook up, he's walking up and down a lot. He's like, hey, baby, come here, often you got a you got a GPS in there because you should calculate a route into my pants. Oh yeah, baby, I'm totally gonna wreck you. Alright. Well, he's working on

his pickup's new frontier. Okay, but after scoping out these three cars, he finally made a connection with one of them, a brand new three s Dan valued at fifty thousand dollars Canadian or kicking here thirty eight thousand U S dollars. And I did check, and today a brand new three Sedan still worth about U S dollars. The price has not gone up that much. Take that inflation. Yeah, who's complaining about inflation? You could still buy a brand new by on W for the same price. You couldn't do

a thousand six. What's everybody complaining about? That's the next like New York Times opinions. Any any day now, my brand will be on W cost the same today as a dead fifteen years ago. Come on, why everyone should shut the hell up, Banks. My name's Ice three three Banks, and I'm here to tell you I could complain it. So Sandy sees this three sedan and he climbed up onto the roof of the car and he gently rubs the window gaskets. The chrome bumpers twinkled in the sun

as he tickled the antenna ridge. Then he sat up on the roof and let his legs dangled in front of the driver's side door, before dropping his sweatpants to his ankles and furiously masturbating on the roof of the car. Witnesses saw this. Oh god, no, We'll imagine the shock of these witnesses, which shouldn't be difficult for most of us. I imagine, what is that guy doing on that climbing to tickling the antenna? Oh god, Oh my god, his dick is out. Alert, Alert, his dick is out. Yeah.

They surely were not expecting this, so security obviously is called. Okay. Guards ran over, They pulled him to the ground, They detained him as they waited for the police to show up, and also a specialized cleanup crew was dispatch to sanitize the BMW. Specialized I'm like, what specialty is is there a four year degree for this, just like Seal Team six, Like they have a very specific you only call these guys if you need a certain set of skills, right,

Like I'm just imagining. Uh, you know, they just sit around for months and months at a time doing nothing, like a fireman on an average day. You know, it's just like making chili. I just wait for the call, you know. And there's all the all the rookies are just they think it's not important. They're like sucking around with the pressure washers, playing games. They're like, yeah, I ain't got nothing. Why I got the easiest job in the world. Listen up, rookies. You think it's all fun

and games. But we've got one job in this world, and that's cleaning up cars that people have tried to have sex with. Do you hear me? Oh yes, sir. Let me tell you something. One deal. I'm just gonna ring in those three years of training. Aren't gonna do ship to prepare you by the real thing. Oh my god, it's happening sin through some ship. You see, it's real grizzled. Definitely,

I hope you saw the Definitely. One time a mission went wrong, I lost three good men and one eye on that mission that day, cleaning off the jiz from that in that car it was Toyota Corolla. I'll never be the same. Oh my god, oh this clean up. Everyone talks about Harvey Kitel and pulp fixing. But let me tell you all right, Well, in May of the next year, oh seven, Sandy was strolling by a parking lot o place called Boston Pizza in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.

A minute, I'm sorry to rail the conversation. Boston Pizza. Is that really a is Boston Pizza selling point? I feel like Boston does have a style of pizza, but it's not one that I feel like people in other places are like, I'm gonna open or I guess they're Canadians, we'd be like, I'm gonna open Boston Pizza. That's what everybody's missing up here in Alberta. Why not call it New York Pizza? No? No, you can get on New York pizza anywhere and cluding pizza. Hut. I wanna Boston pizza.

Pizza comes with a stam Adams potatoes, baked beans, baked beans. I don't know, Boston, tell us what your pizza is like? I'll try it anyway. Boston Pizza. Sandy's walking past. It's a place called Boston Pizza when an irresistible site caught his eye. Those big round eyes, those sensual curves, that tight little bumber. It was a two thousand five mini coup and it was calling his name. To be fair, we were all seduced by the mini couture after the

Italian job came out. That's fair, that's fair. Well, it wasn't long before a witness was calling the police, and according to the police report, she quote saw a man standing on the hood of the car, pulled down his pants and started to tuck, rub, and bounce his naked genitalia on the hood of the vehicle. The witness ran outside to yell at him tell him to stop, which he did. He hopped down off the car. Oh my goodness, excuse me. I didn't realize, said you one at the

Boston Pizza. I assumed that it would be deserted. But the witness then went inside to call the police, and as soon as she went inside, he jumped back up and got right back to work again. Well, now that you're gone, everything's fine. This time he went all the way to the roof and humped the top of the car until it quote partially collapsed. My god, so he

really gave it, gave it a workover one too. He was then found by the police hiding behind a dumpster quote next to where the vehicle was parked, and he was arrested. So he didn't didn't really try to do a great job hiding. Not a getaway guy. The closer we out of danger, the further we are from harm. I don't know if that was his thinking, just roll up under the car. Police never searched the scene of

the crime. Isn't that the old saying, always return to the scene of the crime because the cops never bother to go back there, yeah, or look there. In the first they're like, who would bother staying here? Well, next, Sandy decided to go classic. He's looking for something stable that would last a while. No more of these fast, hot quickie We've all been there. He wanted something sturdy and reliable, So it got onto carbon and started swipe,

just kidding. That's when he caught a glimpse of a buick century with its long broad hood and tight narrow headlights. It called him. He said, Hey, what's a mid sized four door sedan, like you doing in a place like this. He gently caressed the door handles as he whispered sweet nothings into the side of mirror. The buick was a tease playing cooi, but oh so obviously desperate for his attention. He ran his fingers along the seams and the frame and then jumped up on the roof, whipped it out

and started jerking off all over the top of the car. Man, he starts strong with the four play, but he just goes right for it. So there was a witness, the cops came, he was arrested, usual story for Sandy Wong. This particular witness said there was a school nearby and that Sandy was looking in the direction of the playground

while he was masturbating on top of this car. But Sandy himself was adamant with police that his sexual behavior was absolutely not motivated by the presence of any children nearby. He said, quote, I flashed myself, I sat in the car and played with myself. I didn't see no kids or school nearby. That was a back alley. And the thing here is people have often been trying to associate sexual deviance with pedophilia, Like that's been a forever thing.

It's true of I mean, even the slightest deviations from traditional heterosexual missionary behavior. Yeah, they're like, oh you like a doggie style, you must be a pedophile. You know, they'll they'll take anything, and they're doing it again. So if you notice that kind of rhetoric, just maybe shut it down or block that person can did some bullshit. It is uh, you know, it's like it's just the first thing people go to when someone has a perversion

is like, well are the children safe? You know, as if there's some inherent link between atypical sexual behavior and pedophilia. But there's never been another incident suggesting pedophilia for Sandy here, and no such charges were brought against him, So that sounds like it was totally made up and then it just kept it for some of these articles as flashy language. Sure. Sure, And when asked why cars, he said he was actually specifically attracted to rooftops. He said, quote, it's curved like

a woman's body, the sex appeal, it felt good, okay. Uh. In fact, he told police that people shouldn't even buy cars like that because it's far too tempting for him, and he can't help from pleasuring himself. Okay, he said, quote, why would they buy that kind of car? It's the owner's fault. Yeah, did you think about that when you bought your buick her? No, you only think about yourself, right, Consider the sexual feelings thinking when you're looking at a car,

thinking about how it's beautifully proportioned and aerodynamic. Think about the people who can't help the masturbate on the roof of your car. How could you because station in front of Sandy a little bit victim, blamey Sandy, Sandy, Come on, I I was on your side. Well, I wasn't really on your side with all the public indecency, but I can respect you wanted to have sex with the car. But when you come out with the like, well I

couldn't help it. Look what that car was wearing, you know, like, that's not an okay, excuse Sorry, guys, listen, it's your dick's fault. It's your fault. If you pull your dick out, you felt like you should have, or you wanted to, you pulled it out, it's your fault. I have certainly

never been tempted to pull my dick out in public. Um, yeah, but I imagine that if for some reason the compulsion came over me to you, I would think to myself, well just because I want to do something doesn't mean that I should, and I would then not pull my dick out. What a sexy, healthy brain. The boy the

bar is low. Okay, Well, anyway, when we come back, we are going to get a little deeper into old Sandy psyche kind of a dangerous place maybe, and then we'll hear about another man who really gets his engine ribbed by sexy cars. It's all coming up right after this commercial break. Kind of hope there's a car commercial. Welcome back to to Oh no, wait for the season desist.

All right, Well, look we've all had our fun laughing at Sandy and his ridiculous public car fucking, but you know us, we can't just walk away without digging a little deeper, because, like I found all these flashy articles about this story, and it's always man gets caught having sex with cars, and it just kind of tells those stories that we just told about the three cars that he fucked and got arrested for. And then the article

ends and they're like, WHOA, isn't that guy crazy? The end, well, one of them linked to the police report, and I kept reading, and of course there's a lot more to the story. Sandy admitted to police that he had breached his bail in between these instances, and uh, one of the other things he got in trouble for was that he wasn't carrying a copy of his recognizance with him, which had been court ordered for him to have on his person at all times. He said that he just

lost it. He couldn't keep up with it, um, and that's why didn't have it. So Sandy also had been living at the Herb Jamison Shelter, just built in the nineteen fifties in Edmonton as a safety shelter and food kitchen for unhoused people in that area. Okay, Well, unsurprising that he lost something then, because you can often lose your possessions or they get stolen and they get thrown away because nobody respects your stuff when you're in house.

So that's not surprised there, I guess. According to the police report, Sandy grew up in Edmonton as a middle child and displayed developmental delays in his early years, and they attribute his cognitive impairments to congenital hypothyroidism, which can cause a lot of hormone and balance in children, and if it's left untreated, it certainly can cause developmental issues. And not only that, but his father was physically and emotionally abusive, with Sandy saying that he quote touched me

once in a sexual manner when I was eight years old. Uh. He Sandy did not stay close with his father, unsurprisingly as dad died a few years before these incidents. And Sandy was married in two thousand to a woman named Nicki. That marriage lasted about five years, um that they did have two kids together, and Sandy said, quote, we drifted apart. She's got mental problems to bipolar disorder. She was unfit to be a mother, she has no job, bad credit trouble,

she's bankrupt. And so Sandy's aunt Lindsay was serving as the kid's primary caregiver. And that's all very important and relevant. I will say though, that as we talked about in our I A WRITA episode, you know, all all objective sexuality people don't want you to think that it's because of some kind of abuse in their past that they have this predilection or whatever. And I guess I'm line and normal. Everything is normal for me, grew up in

a loving home. Everything's cool, and I still feel this way. Yeah, I mean I was going to say the same thing, like, this is not uh necessarily a correlation between Sandy being sexually attracted to cars and you know, any sort of abuse he face growing up or developmental disorders that he had to deal with, um, And it is important to remember.

I think we've I remember hearing some people talk about this after uh Wonder Woman eighty four came out right and and like spoiler alert, you know, the bad guys revealed to have grown up with an abusive father, and they sort of like set that up as the reason he's a bad guy. And people are like stop making people who were abused as children into people who are more likely to be evil. You know, that's not that doesn't tie together. And and Sandy is not really someone

who's evil. He's just someone who doesn't know how to control his impulses and public and maybe needs some help with that definitely. And so I think just all that to say, bringing up his past is all about just what a tough life it's been for Sandy, right, And to your point, it might not be the object sexuality, the mechanophilia that was born from the abuse. It might be the impulse control that's born from the abuse or

something like that. That's you know, it's just funny that people will will put a correlation and you're like, there's actually behavioral stuff that you probably could actually find a correlation for, but it's actually nothing to do with sexual preference, right right exactly anyway, And the report mentioned several government and nonprofit assistance programs that Sandy has taken part in

throughout his life. Now, obviously we don't know anything about what it's like to be an unhoused person in Alberta, Canada, right Like, nothing about that sentence is something I know anything right right now. At the time of the report, Sandy lived the group home and he got monetary funding through the Assured Income for the Severely Handicapped Program or AI s h in Alberta. And he said a lot of his own issues came from him needing to quote slow down. I've got too much on my plate. It's

hard to describe sometimes. And that's just like that really touched me. I thought that was you could you could look at Sandy and kind of laugh and be like, well, you don't have a job. You're like, you know, you ain't got bills, you're getting government assistance, blah blah blah. What do you what do you have to slow down about? What's what's taken up all your time? But we can't

really understand that about another person. I mean, I have been in all sorts of varying positions of comfort within a narrow range in my life at different times, and had so much going on in my head or in my life that's just like making me feel insane and really difficult to deal with. And it's really hard to slow yourself down to a point that if I tried to explain that to someone would be like, what are you talking about. You've got all the time in the world,

you know. So that I just thought that was a really interesting quote from now. I mean it speaks a little bit too just the simple stress of being unhoused. Yeah, I mean, even if you're getting assistance, you have to apply for that assistance, you have to go look for it, you have to ask for it, you have to find a place to stay, and do you have nowhere to live? So that's very stressful situation, definitely, And then on top of everything, you know, you need medication for stuff, so

there's additional health things there. I mean, right there, that's a lot on a on a plate, right. You don't have to add a job. Sandy said, quote, my future is uncertain. Hopefully I'll remarry someday, have a stepmother for my kids. I want to remarry, but I still want to live in a group home. And unfortunately, we couldn't find the updates about Sandy Wong anything more current than this two thousand nine story. So, uh, you know, most of the articles just out there going ha ha, look

at this guy, he fox cars. So you know, we had to look a little deeper and ruin the fund for everyone's course. But but I was just, you know, really fascinated by the backstory of all this. And while I had, you know, sympathize with Sandy, I'm also like, but it doesn't make it okay for you to rub your dick all over other people's property, you know, in public, but we'll pull your dick out in general. Right, Well, just don't want to see dicks that often, sorry, especially

a surprised dick. I left out the E word, but this guy did make a mess all over these cars. Okay, so he left some things behind. We needed that cleaning crew. Oh, they needed the cleaning crew each and every time. Those guys were three cars in one year. Sandy Wong is at it again. Arch neis sounder. I love this grizzled

cleaning seed some ship that's real. Though, honestly, I would there should be like a Band of Brothers style about janitors and custodians because some of the messes that they got a clean epic battles we've we've been rewatching community and it's such a good joke. After all their paintball episodes and pillow forts or whatever, there's always just one shot at the end of the custodians cleaning up the school afterwards, and the main characters just walking right past

them like it's nothing. And I'm like, that's brilliant. We are so dismissive of the people who keep our lives clean. It's wild and it's it's interesting. I think I love the character on um Abbot Elementary. Yes, Custodians such a good character. And I love that because I feel like when I was in elementary school, like whether or not the school was doing this or it was just the social culture of kids like you kind of learned to

make the custodial staff invisible. I think part of it was the school, like being like, well, they don't come when you're here. You don't see them around very often. They come after hours and stuff, and it just I feel like I was taught to think, yeah, whatever less mess you leave behind, it just won't be there tomorrow. And how bad are we at that, just as a country of people like throwing trash out their window, and just like if I don't see it anymore, it's gone

totally different tangent. But I know, but it's true, and it is. It is true. And if you've ever had to clean up a mess, an epic fucking mess that somebody else made, it ain't funny. Like somebody should be out here with a banner and a trophy like a swimming pool for me to relax by, because this is crazy. But you don't get ship. I mean, you didn't get ship. You have to scrape it off the wall, keep you off the wall. If you're a Kistonian right in, we'd

love to hear from you. Maybe tell us about the worst mess you've ever had to call, because that would be fascinate. Okay, yeah, I would love it. I would love it. It's just because one time I had to do probation because I got a speeding ticket I had. Yeah, it's true, true, relevant tangent. I was in my car abusing it by going too fast through Monroe County and they made me clean like government buildings for twenty four

hours worth of public service, you know whatever. And on our the last day, um, I had made real good friends with the lady who was in charge of me for that week. Of course, the cleaning lady who had to fall around and help out and everything. And by the end of that the very last job, she had to take us to Loganville and we went to this like public I think it was some public parks, like like a baseball diamond or like sports complex kind of thing,

and went walked into the bathroom. She's like something something about the bathroom. No big deal. Was like, all right, it's last thing. Fine. To this point, by the way, I've been like basically empty empty trash cans in a government building. It was not a hard job. We walk into this bathroom and it is a Pollock painting of ships. It is on the ceiling. It is on the mirrors, It is on every door, like someone did it on purpose,

like somebody shipped into their hands or several people. I think, because it was like the volume was just like I means this weekend, let's go funk up a baseball bathroom. We're all gonna meet up in the morning, eat three balls of crackling oak brand. Wow, we're gonna go to make some art. Guess what. Well, what was so great was that she took one look in that room and turned back to me and said, you know, I'm just

gonna let you go early. Say you did it so nice of her, Like I remember being like, are you sure, because and again I only had a couple hours left. She was just like, I'm not going to make you. I'm not going to make you do this. I know, right. She was like, so what did you do again? Oh? You were fifteen miles over the speedlins on a highway. How about you just go home. This job is for someone who killed a man. There's someone here who did something worse, and they can come in here and help

me out. Oh my god. But I'm still thinking about her because that was a real favor she did for me. I would not be the same person. I had to clean that lactor. Someone cleaned it. She did, she did, she did, stuck around and did it herself, her and her team. And then there were several people there, you know, on their own probation. I don't know if they had to do it or not. They were like cleaning up litter in the field or something. But like, I just

really appreciated that she was looking at this twentiesomething. You're old, and she's like you, you have your whole lifehead of you. Oh. Um, okay, So let's take a look at a different case of mcinna fheely that isn't quite as heavy as Sandy Wong turned out to be. Um. This is a fellow named Danny, and he's an Albuquerque in New Mexico who in two thousand nine was charged with aggravated indecent exposure after quote

humping his car in front of several passers by. The Albuquerque Journal says that this forty six year old man was spotted in a grocery store parking lot by an off duty police officer and his ten year old kid. Danny had apparently gotten out of his car, walked around to the back and started to thrust himself against the trunk again and again and again, until eventually passing out

on the ground beside it. And according to witnesses, he had pulled his pants down around his ankles, raised his arms and swung them about as he shouted at the sky for several minutes. So I guess he was going like victory car broom. Well, this might not truly be a mechanophilia. This appears to maybe be more of a case of just good old intoxication. Um, we don't really know. I mean, maybe Danny loves cars. Hard to say. He was just like, Oh, now that I'm drunk, I can

finally be myself inhebitions were stripped away. But no, apparently he was heavily under the influence of narcotics and alcohol, and when the police tried to talk to him, he was totally incoherent. So he might not have known it was a car even maybe no, maybe he was picturing a centaur. Yeah, he thought it was some else. Well, my favorite part of this story is the tattoo that Danny had on his left forearm. And I didn't put this in the notes, Diana, because I want you to try.

You know what, Let's do a game show. Come on down, Brown, You're the next contestant on What this Guy's tattoo say, the hit show where contestants have to try and guess what this guy tat to say. Whatever, So Diana, Danny Albuquerque, New Mexico, gets out of his car, goes around the back, starts humping it until he passes out. Police came up and there was a very specific tattoo on his forearm. Uh, you're allowed three hints. Uh, what's your guess? Junk in

the trunk. It did not say junk in the trunk. Okay, okay, give me a hint. It's a two word tattoo. Tattoos. I'll go ahead and give you all three hints. And it's a command and uh, it's written in the negative form. Don't panic, Oh my god, you're so close. Oh okay, um, don't get caught. Oh wait, that's three words. He fled, like, damn it. I have to get this recluse. I'll tell you it's the perfect thing for Danny to say. You

you walk up to Danny, he's sucking a car. You're you're about you really don't know what's going on here. And he turns and looks you in the eye and he says, fuck off. Okay, I give up. What is it? He says, don't ask. Oh, it's so much better than his tattoo. Just don't ask. That's actually a hilarious tattoo. It's a great tattoo. It's so many it's such a good tattoo to ask why you got it? But it says right there, not to do it. I love it.

That is amazing. Well, because Danny exposed is his dick in public and someone did ask, he now faced up to four years in jail. Also, he might possibly have to register as a sex offender and get mandatory counseling. That was all in the news reports after his arrest, but before his trial. I couldn't find what happened after any of this. There was didn't didn't seem to be

any articles about Danny post trial. But I did find an article from a few years later in that a man whose name and age matched Danny's in Albuquerque, New Mexico, was arrested for robbing three banks and he was sentenced for fourteen years in prison. So I think this might have been the same Danny. Damn. Do you think that the cops were like, hey, what are you doing that bank and he's like, hey, read the tattoo man, don't ah, don't. Oh well that was so fourteen years in prison. Uh,

we've got five more years until Albuquerque. You better lock up your buicks because Danny might be out or get the number for that specialized cleaning crewe. All right, well we've got We've got one more mechanic files story for you. And this guy is actually nowhere near a prison one no cops. Wow, it can happen. So let's hear from him right after this short breaking all right, welcome back to the show. Car Lovers. The Tampa Bay Creative Loafing says,

quote Edwards Smith is a mechanic filiac. He loves cars the way mommy loves daddy behind closed doors. What That's one of the worst pieces of writing I think I've ever come across. He loves cars the way me loves daddy behind closed doors. What a weird analogy to make, Like that's so complicated. I hated this sentence is dumb and stupid. All right, don't ask I hate this sentence the way mommy hates daddy behind clo It depends on your family situation. I hate that sentence the way Danny

hates being asked. Okay, this is another story from two thousand and eight. I guess they've all been what was going on and some in the water. I guess car fucking was up there with like Gladiator, Sandal and big chunky bell and shaky camera horror movies and like the tea Party. Now Edward lives in Washington State. His love of cars did not get reported in a police blotter. He just did an interview with the Telegraph. So in

two thousand eight, ed was fifty seven years old. He lived with his girlfriend, a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, and I guess their sex was Vanilla. To he was like, it could be more adventurous, but she's just not experimental, little prude. To him, that love was real. He said, quote, I appreciate beauty, and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love, right, and so like maybe to add this is just you know,

his extreme version of feeling. I think that the way he puts it is like Aurita, there's something relatable about that. I think can understand what you mean. Maybe not relatable, but at least understandable. Like if you take what you love about something inanimate, like you know, cars or architecture or tools. We've all seen things and be like, oh my god, I feel strongly about that thing, and imagine that dial in your brain is turned way up, you know,

way higher than most people. So that kind of inexplicable fascination and attachment that we've all feel for something feels to that person more like the love that we might feel for another person. You know. I think that makes sense to me. I can see it. Ed emphasizes, quote I'm not sick and I don't want to hurt anyone. Cars are just my preference, and that starts to feel a lot more like what we talked about with Aurita, Erica Eiffel and the others in that episode and the

os community out there. Now. Channel five in the UK did a documentary about mechanophilia, and that's how Ed ended up being contacted by the Telegraph and he tells them that while he did have sex with women when he was younger, at the time in the interview, it had been twelve years since he was in a relationship with another person, and he said he had never really been

attracted to women or men. The first time he ever had sex with a car was at the age of fifteen, but that was not the first time that he was attracted to a car. That happened when he was just thirteen years old. It was nineteen sixty three and a brand new car came out, the Corvette Stingray. Okay, okay, wait a second. My whole O S I experience is about to change when I look back at the Corvette sting Ray and I'll say for me, it's the seventy two,

seventy two Corvette sting Ray. I might have sex with that car. Oh yeah, do you see. I mean, that's that's a sports car. That's the first car I ever saw and was like, I need that car. And I've never owned one, but it is one of the most beautiful pieces of machinery. And I'm not a car person. I mean actively looked for a prius. I'm not like

you know out here. When I got my first car, When I like bought my first car, it was that BMW and I saw a guy was selling his Mitsubishi three thousand g T, which was at the time the car that I wanted, and I loved that car so much and I drove it and it was so great, and I told myself, you know, this just asn't practical. You like to drive your friends around, so you should get a four seat car instead of this, and I didn't. I went and bought the the BMW instead, which I loved,

but I forever regret that. And you know, at the end of the day, I'm just a car person, but I want that sting race so bad. I'm also not a car person, but I did really like um Maserati's. Oh I did see a Maserati once and I was like, oh, that's a pretty hot car. Like I was like, oh, I noticed it. If I may, why don't you lower those sites a little bit? I won't do it. I'm happy stick right because we're more likely to get that

than a Maserati. Funnily enough, I think the first car that I ever was like, Oh, I want that car. That's the car I want. It was a mid to Be She Eclipse. I liked the Eclipse to a lot. Yeah, yeah, I got three. That's a cool car. Neither of us got the mid to Be. She's of our dreams to be. She feel free to reach out and offer us some free cars. We will talk all about them. We will never tell everything about our cars, how we drive them,

and do not fuck them. You're welcome to be now Ed says he quote just loved cute cars right from the beginning, but over the years it got stronger, and he didn't fully understand his attraction at the time, but says quote, now I know I'm not hurting anyone and do not intend to go. Hey, that's really all we can ask from each other. I think it's just don't hurt me. Why please don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me. Whatever you want, just don't hurt me. That's all I'm asking.

I mean, I think that's kind of society, isn't that. We should put that on the one dollar bill. Do whatever you want, just don't hurt me. The American tree sounds so so fearful. But I don't mean kids. Please just don't hurt me. I don't like that. Wow, that's not what I mean. Don't get walked all over by people who will hurt you. I'm just saying our societal contracted. You don't hurt me. I don't Hurt Channel. We sound

like a real bit show here, all right. Well, Edward, like many of our previous objective sexuality subjects, is not monogamous with his beetle Vanilla, and that brings us to this episode side Car, get out of the car, because sometimes ed sets a little special time aside for his nineteen seventy three Opal GT named Cinnamon, and it's a hot little sports car Cinnamon. That's a spicy it's a spicy like stripper name Vanilla and I got Cinnamon, not bad.

And then other times it's all about his nineteen three Ford Rangers splash named Ginger. He's got a spice world to get with girls. I mean, that's the best pep talk ever given. Now, Ford Ranger is a nice little midsize pickup truck. I actually owned a Ford Ranger for a while. A great car. Um so speculation station, though, I just want to say, or you know what, speculation truck stop. There you go, speculation truck stop. This kind of fills all your needs, right, Like maybe he's just

looking for something cute and reliable. So he's got this VW beetle, He's got Vanilla, right, he spends most of his time with her. But then other days his like lust for something fast and tighten hot gets ahold of him, and he's just got to get in that opal g t And then, you know, sometimes I think like even the most masculine of us wants somebody big and strong to hold us, tell us we're safe and that we can haul any weight that gets dropped on us right together.

So he climbs into that pickup truck and he feels all safe and cared for saying. He's saying, Vanilla I can take home to a parent. Yeah, yeah, Cinnamon is for weekends, and Ginger will carry all my ship. Well, Gingers here when I'm feeling, you know, like I need someone big and strong. I need I need to know maybe i'm when I'm when I switch to my subspace and there you go. Okay, it's trucks. Trucks turn, Gingers turn. Yeah,

Ginger's a bit more dominant. We've all got all these you know, we contain multitudes, that's right, And that's that's why people advocate for polyamory, right, because they're like, not one, there's no one person who can fill all your needs or whatever, right, just like there's no one car if of course, if many of needs are sexual, you know right now, which one of them does he take dancing? That's my Christian you know what, They all get their chance.

I love it. Sometimes it brings all three. He's got those cool rims and he just goes bouncing up and now yeah, yeah, he's got cool LEDs. That sounds like a cinnamon thing. That does sound like a cinnamon thing. Cinnamon, Cinnamon the dancer. Cinnamon is the dancer. She's the hydraulics. He goes bouncing around, Sam dance Vanilla. She likes a home cooked meal, home cooked meal. You know. She's like, let's snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie tonight.

If we take a weekend trip, we're gonna go taking stay at a bed and breakfast. Absolutely, And then yeah, Ginger likes to your cinnamon. Likes to go out and party and dance and maybe a little nose candy, right, get a little turbo boosts in that field tank and then nas, baby, I want to feel it. And then Ginger is like, get off your ask. We're going outside. There you go. We're gonna go roll through that. We're gonna go hike the mountains. Right, We're gonna go. She's tough.

That's you haven't been camping in in years. Okay, it's time to get some outdoors times, vitamin D, some time in nature. Yeah you haven't. You look pale and skinny. Come on, let's go. Spend too much time with vanilla sitting on the couch watching drive in movies. Ginger, Ginger sounds hot. They all have their they all have they do, they all do their hotness. Whom my kid and I need all three of these cars as well? What am I? What am I? Am? I? Your vanilla, your ginger, or

your cinnamon. You're a mix between vanilla and cinnamon, because you love a home cook meal and you like to chill out and curl up with a blanket and watch a movie, maybe more than anyone I know. Um, but sometimes you've got more in or gy. The mean you're like it's time to dance. That's true. And I don't have any ginger. Um, you have some of Ginger's like outdoors noess like you like you'll you can keep up, you can go out and hike. You like to move. Um,

but I wouldn't say that you're like a hauler. I wouldn't call you like butch, No, that's true. I don't like to lift, and you're not a motivator. No. Well, not that you're demotivating, but you're not necessarily the one to get up and say, hey, let's go outside right now. I think that's usually more me. That's true, that's true. But you're always game. Well, but you're often game. Well I walk that one back, as I said always. I was like, this is wrong, Like, wait a minute, never

never always al Right, Well, that's fair. That's a fair assessment, my vanilla ginger centnamon tendencies. What about me? Am? I um ed Sandy or Danny? Oh god, hopefully none of the above. I guess ed don Like, actually, I don't want to know. As long as I'm not the person who wrote Ed loves cars the way Mommy loves Daddy behind, I kind of hope that person either left journalism altogether or just got a lot better at it. Maybe this was like early early career internship shut and they're like, oh,

I'm so embarrassed that sen. It's still around, all right, remember Meccanica files. Okay, are not just attracted to cars, right, We've focused a lot on cars, but it's actually a wide array of machines and vehicles that they can be attracted to. Edward has fallen for other vehicles as well. His most intense sexual experience of his life was the time that he got to make sweet sweet love to the helicopter from the nineteen eighties hit TV show air

Wolf Wild to me like the celebrity helicopter. Was this his hall pass? He told Vanilla Ginger and Cinnament. He's like, but if I ever meet the helicopter, that one or the one from the A team, I'm gonna take my chance. I'm taking my chances. It was the only chance I'll ever get. I imagine you don't get many opportunities to meet the helicopter from air Wolf, especially in what I imagined was private enough of a setting to be Now, did the person who introduced him to the helicopter know

what he wanted to do with it? How did he arrange this meeting? I have a lot of questions. I'm so curious because my immediate thought was it was like at a convention or something, and air Wolf convention, you know, like some eighties Stevie show, I don't know, or he visited a you know, a storage warehouse, somewhere, or it was like an aviation museum or or yeah, something like that, or car show who knows, who know? Alright, so yeah,

he got to fund this helicopter. It was great, best day of his life, big long journal entry about it. Probably um And before his beatle Vanilla, who we've talked about extensively, he had another VW beetle that he bought from a family of Jeovah's witnesses. I gotta wonder what they would say about who they sold their car too, or if the car was like, man, this family is different. Any of the stuff with the with the Thompson's. Thompson's just knocked on other people's doors. This guy will stop

knocking on mine. There's like no mention of what happened to that beatle either, so speculation truck stuff. He wore it out, he wore he just he ran it into the ground, ran to the ground, it rested and cause health problems. Maybe it ran away. Back to it's Joe's witness span. It was like, I can't take it. I'm pure, I'm a pure car. I want to go to heaven and what have you done? Day? I want to go to car. I'm picturing this movie where this car, this sweet sweet car, gets picked up with Ed and gets

like all corrupted. You know, everything just gets worse and it just descends into a seedier lifestyle. Cigarettes cigarettes, It's hanging out and totally hits rock bottom before it realizes that it needs to clean itself up and go back to the Thompson. Thompsons and the Thompson's get up one day they're like, dude, do do do do do do? And then they go out of what the beetle is back? Who brought the beetle back? And it's got like fishnet

surrounded fires, It's like got those those beetle eyelashes. Yeah, but it's all you're like, oh my god, the beetle, the prodigal Beetles returned. It's okay, it's your home. It starts playing take Me to Church. Wow, what a story. I know. This is Cars five coming soon to Disney plan. Disney's really pushing the Velo priests. They're very ready to pick up this idea. I'm sure al right, well Ed has never been arrested for public decency, are putting his

dick in an exhaust pipe or anything like that. But he does say quote. Certain cars have attracted me, and I would wait until nighttime, creep up to them and just hug and kiss them. Oh all right, well, which I have to say it. I prefer it to having your dick out and leaving jizz all over my car. But if I walked out and saw someone hugging and kissing my car, I feel like I'd also be creeped out. Definitely,

I feel like, what are you doing? And more so than that, this is like the I don't know, the while you were sleeping nous of this, Like if I go out now now, every time I walk out in the car in the morning, I'm like, has someone been kissing this car? Where did the man touch you? Point to me in the owner's manual with where the man kissing you? All right, Well, we've got to get out of this world. Having maybe too much fun talking about

these stories, but it is fascinating. I do really get very interested in os just as something that I'm like, I can't know what that's like, but I I really want to accept it, you know, for whatever reason, in some sort of like in its most harmless fashion, where people are literally just living their best and happiest lives I'm just like, fucking go for it. Man. I'm not going to tell you there's something wrong with you. I'm not gonna tell you you've got to change. If you're

happy and no one's getting hurt. What kind of a dick would I have to be to go up to someone who's happy and not hurting anyone and say you don't need to be different? Like what is wrong? So whatever, go for it. You want to marry a sword, go crazy, but not with the sword. You could really your sword. You know. If you want to do your car like I don't get it. You in your car, get up to in the privacy of your garage is no problem

with me and none of mysactly. The government has no place but a Trudeau, say, the first Trudeau government has no place in the garages of our citizens, you know. Or who was it who said was that Eisenhower chicken in every pot and a car in every garage and a dick in every car. It was Hoover. It was Hoover. And we didn't even get to the guy who fucked his Hoover vacuum today, but we'll get him in another episode. Listen, it's a real problem in the medical community. It was

a real problem for him too. Oh, We've got to get out of here. We've been going on about this story. I hope y'all had as much fun as we definitely did telling these stories. Please let us know your thoughts. Definitely let us know if you have any os tendencies, be they just as small as like I sort of really have a connection into this coin that feels very special to me, or full on like I humped a fighter jet. I want to hear about all those stories.

Let us know. Yeah, please send us an email. Ridic Romance at gmail dot com or we're on Twitter and Instagram. I'm at Dianamite Boom and I'm at Oh great, it's Eli and the show is a ridic Romance. So please, we can't wait to hear from you all. We can't wait to bring you part four of Collecte next week to wrap up that saga. Okay, time, so we'll see you all then, love you by so on friends, it's

time to go. Thanks so listening to our show. Tell your friends name's uncles inde to listen to a show ridiculous? Well me