Hey everybody. Hey, welcome back to Ridiculous Romance.
Oh yeah, I'm oh well, no after you, Yeah, after me?
How about you introduced me. That's Eli and this is my lovely wife Diana.
Oh, I didn't know you were going to do fun descriptors. I would have done something. Well, well, handsome darling husband, Eli.
That's lovely. I don't know why you need me to prompt it, just to use some nice adjectives. Well, oh, getting a real peak behind the veil today, everybody.
You have a very high self esteem and I don't need to worry about you.
Oh is that what you think? Does that explain the last few years?
In fact, I want to take you down a peck.
Oh my god. You know I can't handle that. I'm very unstable.
Well I know that's why I'm not very mean to you. Well, hey, watch you.
Like I said, real peak behind This is what it's like when the mics aren't on. No, we've been having a good time over here, haven't we. Yeah, going out to a friend's birthday. Get to that age where birthday parties take place during the day, Yeah they do.
It's even just grown people with no children, and it's still like look, I'm good from three to seven pm. And that's about as much as you're gonna get from me.
I told her. I was like, I, you know, I don't know if we'll be out too late because you know, we've got a lot of work to do. And she's like, oh, I don't want to be out late. It's like, oh, yeah, we're all older now.
Oh it's so funny.
Yeah, actually I like being out late. Yeah. If I can sleep in till noon the day of and the day after a party, I could go late. No, I'm with that.
With that, and I stay up late at home all the time. I mean it's just the idea of like full face of makeup, nice outfit until two am.
It's not like we're happening. Yeah, we ain't going to bed at nine pm.
What I call it revenge bedtime.
Procrastination, Yeah, something like that. Yeah, where it's.
Like you're not having enough free time or personal time.
Or whatever during today. Yeah, so you.
Just like make yourself stay up even if you're not even doing anything you want to do, just like scrolling on your phone.
I'll teach you bring for being busy all day. I'm going to ruin your night.
I mean like, Okay, that's only going to hurt you.
But yeah, and it does and does well. Speaking of revenge, speaking of revenge for real, today we're talking about a good one. I'm very into this story. Oh yeah, and it's a name we all know and love. I've In the Terrible, Oh or i've In the fourth, the first
Czar of Russia. But actually i've In the Terrible as a nickname I learned as actually something of a mistranslation, because back in the sixteenth century they called him Ivan Grozni, which does directly translate to the English word terrible, but at that time it more accurately meant awe inspiring or
powerful or courageous, something like that. But coincidentally, Ivan was also pretty terrible, so you know they still Yeah, but for a while, Ivan was actually a pretty great ruler, mostly due to the loving relationship he had with his first wife, Anastasia Romanov. Not the Anastasia Romanov that you're
thinking of, right, But let's dive into it. Let's go ahead and hear about the first of Ivan's eight marriages, his war with a dozen noble families, a few poisonings, a couple of fires, and the first unified Russia.
Let's go Hayla friends, come listen.
Well, Eli and Diana got some stories to tell. There's no match making a romantic tips. It's just about ridiculous relation ships.
A lover might be any type of person at all, and abstract asatore a concrete wall. But if there's a story where the second glance, who put it and show ridiculous romance.
A production of iHeartRadio.
So we start our story with Vasily the Third, who had been ruling what was known as the Grand Duchy of Moscow or Muscovy for twenty years alongside his wife Solomonia Saburova. And these two were doing a great job. I mean, this is sixteenth century Russia, early fifteen hundreds at a lot of scattered kingdoms, not necessarily all united under one Russian banner. Yet territory under Vasili the Third
and Solomonia was being expanded. They recaptured land which had been taken by neighboring countries one hundred years earlier, and all of their oppositions quickly getting shut down. They were just doing, you know, just what you're supposed to do. But twenty years in he realized that he never got around to producing an air whoopsie, which I mean you know, we know in monarchies from this show especially, people don't like that so much.
Not at all, like make one or bring one or do something.
Yes, however you gotta do it, give that one guy's a girl as a boy in color king whatever you gotta do. What. Well, the old fashioned way of getting pregnant was not working for these two, so Solomonia tried the new fashioned way, which was going to consult with sorcerers and taking pilgrimages to holy sites. Vasili and Solomonia even appealed to God for a child by having a few churches built.
Ah, yes, the sixteenth century version of IVF building church.
Well. Surprisingly, none of these things was working, and eventually the grand Prince's boyars, who were basically these like highly influential Russian nobles, told him you know what, buddy, you gotta ditch this wife and get the new one because you need a baby.
You need baby. Well, the Russian Orthodox clergy did not like this. They were always fighting with the boy yard oh right, and I mean they probably didn't like divorce like any church. Sure, but Vassili the third decided to go through with a divorce, and in November of fifteen twenty five, their marriage was annulled and Solomonia was taken to a convent. Russian chronicles tend to say it was willingly, but other historians say it was forcefully.
I have a hard time thinking that this woman is like, oh, my husband, the ruler of all the lands, is divorcing me. Sure, I'm happy to go to a convent instead.
Right, I don't think. I don't think willingly. This is the one.
She was very religious, so she might have considered it her duty and like, Okay, well, if I can't produce a baby, God's telling me I gotta go do this instead. But I don't know.
I don't know. There was at least a part of her who was like, I want to do this.
Well.
She was eventually brought to the Intercession Monastery in Suzdl, which was one of the churches that she and Vastly had built to try to get pregnant in the first place. Oh not a full circle, I guess right. Rumors persisted that she actually gave birth to a child while inside the monastery only months after their annulments. Whops, and the rumor became the foundation for a Russian folk hero named Kudeyar, who's sort of like a robin Hood type.
Vasili the third did marry again, this time to a princess named Elena Glinskaya. She was from a family of boyars named the Glinskis, but other boyars, who were the ones who encouraged him to remarry in the first place, did not like this choice because Elena and the Glinskis were Catholic, not Russian orthodox Man.
Every country in this period of time is having a real, oh yeah, real problem with Catholicism.
But Vasili was obsessed with this girl, so much so that he trimmed his beard when he went to see her so that he would look younger. Now, I mean, I don't know about you, but I regularly do this myself. You gotta keep it high and tight. It takes a few years off, you know. But apparently this was a huge no no in Muscovite customs. You got your beard,
shows your rage, you gotta grow it out. Yeah. But none of this mattered, because ultimately Vassili the third and Elena Glenskaya did marry and they had their first son, Ivan the fourth, named for his grandfather Ivan the Great, who was the previous grand Prince of Muscovy. Unfortunately, Vassili died only three years later from an infection shortly after
the birth of their second son, Yuri. On his deathbed, Vasili transferred rulership of Moscovy to his son Ivan the fourth before his death in fifteen thirty three, but of course, at only three years old, somebody was going to have to rule in Ivan's stead, so the next five years are referred to as the Reign of Elena. Oh I like it. I like that, Yeah, Ayne of Elena. It sounds like a It sounds like a se. Someone try rain Elena.
It should be rain, a rain by Elena. Dry rain by Elena. It's like Margot Robbie, like running through a hallway with like a curtain. There's like soft filters everywhere by Lena.
By Elena.
Anyway, I'm ready to buy it, is what I'm saying.
It smells like the Russian countryside.
Oh wait, now I don't know. I'm not so sure. Well, anyway, the reign of Elena was going on to the next five years, and Vassili's brothers tried to challenge Elena for her role, but they both ended up locked up and Elena did a bomb ass job ruling in Muscovy. She brought a currency reform that unified money across the state. She signed an armistice with longtime enemy Lithuania. She had new city walls built around Moscow, she protected travelers from bandits,
and she paid to have Muscabite prisoners freed. But she also had a super high drama government and might have been having a fling with both a boyar and an Orthodox bishop.
Oh my god, messie, for real, those are like two sworn enemies, I.
Know, and she would go from one to the other and just talk shit about the other guy.
It's really we've been watching The Great a little bit, and that's of course way later in time than this is happening, but you get the same kind of impression of just like there's high up nobles and there's high up priests, and they are always scheming against each other in this world. They so are.
But Elena only ruled for five years before dying at twenty eight years old. Her son, Ivan's governess was arrested, and some historians think the Shoe Whiskeys, which is a family of boyars who seized power after her death, were behind the whole thing. Recent forensics have found supportive evidence that she was poisoned.
Oh man, this one no natural death, no no. And it's one of those situations where you're like, oh, this lady, and then this family rushed in and was like, we'll be in charge. Okay. Kind of suspicious that you've been you just swept in right.
Also, you had to be real careful with your food. Oh, my dad, back in the day, my god, everybody was out to poison someone.
So now little Ivan, who was only eight years old, was being raised by the Boyar family, who probably poisoned his mother, and they basically took over control of Muscovy to rule in his stead while he was a kid, and he later wrote letters about how poorly he and his little brother Yuri were treated by the Shuisky family, who quote brought us up like vagrants. I suffered for
want of governments and food. But when Ivan was thirteen, he decided he was going to be a real thirteen year old boy and start testing the limits of his power over everyone. I mean, he was still technically the ruler of Muscovy, after all, his father had named him
in charge. A feast in fifteen forty three that saw some of the highest ranking Muscovites in attendance, and just after the main course, this little teenage tyrant turned to a guy named Prince Andre, who was the most powerful of the Shuisky family and the guy who was effectively the de facto ruler of Moscow right now, and he just said, you and your family, you've completely mismanaged the country. Someone ar asked him and executed him. Oh my god, just like that. And the guards stood up and they
were like, yes, sir, and they marched right over. They snatched up Prince Andrew and took him away, and according to history dot com, some say that Prince Andre was then torn apart by dogs, but the more credible history is just that his jailers beat him to death. Oh he so either way, I even stepping in and being like, by the way, I'm in charge now.
Yeah. Well, I guess he was like, man, y'all don't feed me and stuff, but if I ask for something, they do give it to him. Oh I guess I'll just keep asking.
At the end of the day. The Royal guard listens to.
Me, very good to know.
Yeah.
Well, after that, everyone was like, oh, okay, I guess Ivan's in charge now, so excited about that love that for you and me and everyone. But in an effort to distract this hopped up, you know, little teenager, the boy yars decided to just throw girls at him. Oh sure, like, what does a thirteen year old boy want ladies?
Now?
In fact, the noble families were all trying to outperform each other by finding the best girls for him. And because of this, teenaged Ivan was rumored to take a different mistress every day for almost four years.
Oh my god, can.
You imagine going back in time to thirteen year old Eli and being like, you're gonna have a different girl every day?
If thirteen year old Eli talked to one girl, uh well it wasn't talking. Let's just say it with a stammering mess of syllables.
Well yeah, but in this scenario, teenaged Eli's in charge of all of muscovy.
Yeah, I'm just it's hard to imagine that for the teenage Eli, I know, because he was barely in charge of all of his own bedroom chaos everywhere.
Well, so you would have sat and chatted with him, had like maybe not so much sex.
No, I would have The first girl would have come in and I was Hi, Hi, good, I'm what's your name? Your name's well mine, I'm Eli, And oh you know what, you know? What is it hot in here? I'm just gonna get some water. I'll be, I'll be, I'll be Eli. Oh ship, and then that would be and then then I would never leave my room for the next four years.
All right, Well, I guess Ivan was not like that.
No, that's a short list of differences between me and I'm in the terrible and I'd say that.
That's just first, I know, I guess I guess if you had, if you had ordered a man beat to death already, you might feel more confident. Well, anyway, the boy ours learned from all of this throwing ladies at him for four years that I've been loved cheerful, lively and passionate women, which is like, who doesn't, I mean, come up? Yeah, But historian Alexander Bushkov points out that
quote from time immemorial. In Russia, it was believed that true adulthood does not occur upon reaching a certain age, but only after marriage. A single person was considered to be not even quite full grown.
Wow, so you could be.
Like an eighty year old spinster, and they'd be like, look at that baby walking around. Shit, just a child after all, So all the boyar families also started scheming to try and be the ones who would find his wife.
So, after getting slapped around by the boyars for most of his life and then distracted with women as they ruled in his stead, I'm in the fourth stepped up and it was time for him to take his place as the Grand Prince of Russia, just like his father on his sixteenth birthday in fifteen forty six. But look, ivan we've already seen is unpredictable, and he's volatile, and he had been pushed around, his mother had been assassinated.
He did not like these shwhiskies and all these other boyars, thinking that they were the ones who were really in charge. So at his coronation he said, hey, the what I am not Grand Prince of Russia. I am the Tzar of all Russia. And this is the first time that Russia had one supreme ruler in a tzar. And in this he sent a symbolic message to everyone that yes,
I am supremely the not to be questioned. Now the Orthodox metropolitan or the bishop of the Orthodox Church whose name was Makarius, who had also become one of Ivan's closest advisors, was just immediately like, yes, King, whatever you say, you do the thing. You're in charge now totally. And so the church was totally on his side. So at this point the Boyers have no other choice but be like, uh, yeah, yeah, cool, no doubt, no doubt, no, no, no, that sounds pretty good.
They're probably shitting themselves as they realized how they've been treating this kid who was going to be their leader one.
Day, all right, which they should have thought. I mean, as I said, they should have thought about that from the beginning, I mean dumb. Well, now that he was sixteen and the ruler of Russia, he really needed to get married number one classical royal problem, and the Boyars had been searching all over other kingdoms for his bride. But Ivan told them I wish to marry a Russian bro.
Oh, he says, I heard. You can just send out for them in the mail. They just show up like uber eats.
No problem. I can pick from colors of him, I can pick from size.
Where's the menu, give me the catalog?
Well, anyway, Metropolitan Macarius, the Czar's number one brown noser, you know, in reference to him wanting to marry a Russian woman said quote, God himself inspired you with this intention. I'd bless it in the name of the heavenly fathers.
This guy's always just like, yes, I'm I'm your number one cheerleader.
The church got you boy, total yes, ma'am.
So.
Only two weeks after his coronation, an invitation went out for all the hottest ladies in Russia to come an audition to be Tzar Ivan the fourth Bride, and every noble family and the Grand Duchy of Moscow was invited to submit their daughters for consideration, and in the end as many as fifteen hundred girls showed up hoping to be missus Ivan. That's crazy. It's like the world's first and biggest dating show.
Oh my god, what's it called. I haven't.
That's pretty good. I showed it like a czar one, like oh yeah, like a like flavor of love, but likear version.
Car of love would be the easy one.
But maybe it's like the czar the bachelor's art.
Now, don't go breaking my zart. Oh, I mean, if you must, now I must not.
I like striving for ivans, driving for IVN, driving for iving or doors So you think you can marry the czar?
These fifteen hundred women, they're all striving for driving.
Who will get the rose and who will be sent home?
First? Up, Katerina, what's your favorite root vegetable? Katerina Ali, I'm sorry. We'll be moving on to Bettanova, Bettanova, what's your favorite root vegetable in Russia? It's okay, that's the number two answer. And finally, another girl named Katerina, what's your favorite fame root vegetable in the Russia? Beat that it is you in that's the answer. We would wait things.
Ooh, I thought you wanted my favorite.
Not the right hand, I wanted Catterina's favorite.
I want. I'm so sorry, Well, I want to beat the competition.
Hey see which girl beats the competition and which girls go krembling back to their families.
This show is going to be canceled.
Yeah, this show did not make it very far.
Well, of course, you know, and they got all these fifteen hundred girls, they all you know, hoping to get the rose at the end or whatever, and all the boy ares were pushing their you know, their girls for the usual reasons right, powerful unification of families, merging land, investing their dowries and royalty, all that stuff. But the eventual winner would surprise everyone. And we'll meet Ivan's first wife right after this break. Welcome back to striving for riding.
Russians like the Russian Tasmanian devil.
Well, he's their main voice every so he does all the voiceover work there.
So the invitation that went out to every noble family in Russia to bring their daughters out for this contest was not so much an invitation as it was a direct order. According to a Russian collection of histories that I found on a website called sato I, the letter everyone got said quote, when this letter of ours come to you, if you have daughters, then you would immediately
go with them to the city for a review. And under no circumstances would you have these daughters concealed, which one of you will be in great disgrace with the bizarre and face execution. Send the letter amongst yourselves without delaying even an our. Jeez, this very chain letter, like I know, I send them forward.
This to seven people or get.
Bad luck for the next ten years. Good bad luck.
So fifteen hundred young women were brought to Moscow to be judged and what Alexander Bushkov calls quote the first all Russian beauty contest. Sign me up, I know, I bet a lot of them are really hot.
Yeah, sign me up to compete. Not to compete, but just to attend judge.
Yeah, just to attend. You don't even want to judge.
Oh, I don't want to judge. I don't like judging women.
I appreciate that about you.
Yeah, but I'll watch a big line if pretty women walk past me. Of course, sign me up for that.
Who wouldn't. Now, some of these ladies were pretty excited about this. The prospect of marrying the Czar must have sounded like a pretty sweet deal, sure, especially if they didn't know anything about it, like he could be anything in there. But of course some of them were already in love with someone else and they just had not gotten married yet. Oh that would suck, which kind of
reminds me of Catherine Parr from our last episode. Oh yeah, she was gonna marry Thomas Seymour and then King Henry's like, actually I'd like to marry you. She was like, well, I guess I got to marry the king. I mean, I can't know. So these fifteen hundred girls were first brought before a team of governors who like whittled the stack down to a more smaller manageable number. Oh so it's like the pre auditions from ya can Idol, right right.
You're like, oh, I get to perform for Simon. No no, no, no no.
Not got to see if you're good TV first.
Yep.
So now about a large party's worth of the prettiest young women in Russia were brought before Ivan and they all flirted and giggled and tried to get his attention. But there was one girl in the corner of the room who didn't say too much.
That's right. Her name was honest, That Sia Ramanov, the Zakaria Yureva.
Too many names.
It's a lot of names, but she's from a lot of fans families. Uh. And like we said, this is not Anastasia, and in fact, the name Anastasia doesn't exist in Russia. I saw a lot of angry Russian YouTubers saying, announced Anastasia, that's it's anesthesia. So that's what we'll go with the proper pronunciation.
Yeah, you're welcome Russia.
Well, this girl was about seventeen years old, so about the same age as Ivan, and her modesty at this party had already been ridiculed by the boyers and the other girls. She was just a little too modests, you know, Tyrie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She wasn't out there shagging her boobs for Ivan and trying to get to the frontal line. So all the boyers like weren't impressed with this girl. And maybe it was Ivan's just total hatred of these guys that made
him cross the room and take this girl's hand. He had made his choice, and many sources say that her family was noble but not particularly important, but historian l. E. Morozova said that she might even have been chosen because of her quote nobility and proximity to the grand Duke's court. Her father had been an advisor of Ivan's grandfather, Ivan the Third, but he died before he could do very much, so he wasn't, like, you know, a well known guy.
But her uncle was actually a very trusted advisor to Ivan's father, Vassili. He was even nicknamed the Eye of Vassili, So Ivan was probably pretty well acquainted with this family of Romanov's well.
They married on February third, fifteen forty seven, officiated by who else but Metropolitan Macarius. He was probably like so excited, and as Ivan was Russia's first czar, Anastasia became the first Russian czarina. She was famously beautiful at a young age, with dark eyes and long, thick, dark blonde hair. But she was also a sweet, small, polite, affectionate girl, and everyone was kind of worried how this little sweetie was gonna hold up married to Ivan, who was, you know,
known to be pretty reactive, violent and controlling. Yeah, sure, but remember Ivan always liked cheerful, lively girls and honest Essia actually brought out the best in Ivan. The fourth Russian histories say that quote Anastasia instructed and led him to all sorts of virtues.
Wow.
An English explorer and diplomat who spent much of his life in Russia wrote, quote, this queen was so wise, virtuous, pious, and influential that she was revered and loved by all subordinates. Ivan Vassilievitch was young and quick tempered, but she ruled him with amazing meekness and intelligence. Not bad, pretty good, honest, Essilla Well.
Ivan and Anastasia were incredibly happy together and they seemed to be deeply in love. But things got off to a rocky start for Ivan and his rain with the Great Fire of Moscow in the summer of fifteen forty seven, just a few months after his coronation and their marriage. At this time, most of the city of Moscow was built out of wood, and when the fire broke out, nearly a third of the city was destroyed. Between two
and three thousand people died. And if you remember the Shuiskys, that family of boyars who ruled while Ivan was a child, Well they're still around causing trouble, and they decided they were going to investigate the fire, and in their investigation they found out that, oh my goodness, what do you know,
their sworn enemies, the Glinskis, started it. If you remember the Glinskis, that was Ivan's mother, Elena Glinskaya, who the Shwiskys had poisoned back in the day while her mother was still around, Anna Glinsky, and they claimed that she had used sorcery to start the fire, because there was already this local folklore that she was like a witch who could transform into a bird, according to the historian Uri Bosin, So, the sh Whiskeys suggested that she tore
out human hearts, boiled them, and then turned into a bird and flew around the city sprinkling this cursed blood water down on houses, which immediately erected into flames.
All right, I'm gonna say something.
Go ahead.
This is obviously bullshit, but it's also so metal, like, oh my god, taking lady tearing out human hearts and boiling them and then like turning into a bird and sprinkling blood water that turns into flames. I mean, holy, that's a whole like that could be a whole metal music video right there.
And my response when the sh Whiskys tell me this is and you want to go after this woman? You want to? I say, we get futter with it. What she wants?
I think I need to hire right, maybe rain these powers in for myself. Well, instead of that, the sh Whisky's got people all worked up, and soon an angry mob was storming around the city looking for Glinsky's, any Glinski's, and they found Yuri Glinsky hiding in a cathedral, dragged him out to the streets and stoned him to death.
They raided Glinsky homes, they killed the Glinsky's serfs. According to Bushkov, the mob even killed random people that were suggested to be associated with the Glinskis without kicking any of their identities. Oh my god, that is so.
Crazy, Like I think that guy was the Glinsky's bartender.
Last night, right, the historian rites quote, A mass of people is stupid, and when the people are stupid, it is easy to control them, which is what the sh Whiskys took advantage of.
I'm a historian to tell me that I would.
Get that embroidered. A of people is stupid. That's like the most real thing I've heard.
That's I love that. It's my one of my favorite movie quotes in Men in Black, Yes, Timi Lee Jones, A person is smart, but people are stupid, and.
You know it goes on yep, and he ain't wrong.
He ain't wrong.
So then the mob turned towards Ivan's palace, where they knew his grandmother, the sorceress Anna Glinsky, was hiding. Ivan is only seventeen at this point. He's just crowned Czar. He's never seen a huge mob of angry villagers with pitchforks before. This is a real unprecedented situation.
Yeah, but Ivan did not hand over his grandmother to the angry mob. Now. Posen says that Ivan was quote forced to give generous promises to pacify the protesters, and then the mob just kind of fizzled out over about a week. But Bushkov writes that Ivan wanted to set an example and quote ordered the instigators to be seized and immediately executed, and the crowd fled to their home.
Holmes He's saying Ivan learned from his early days with the Shwhiskies that if you're timid, they will walk all over you, but when you show force, a lot of the times they'll flinch. Playwright and historian Edward Radzinski said Ivan the Fourth was quote the true grandson of Ivan the third. He already understood his people a kingdom without a thunderstorm, like a horse without a bridle. So you need this big, thunderous person to come in and you know, kind of put you in your place.
Yeah, ah, I guess, well, I mean, you know, anyway, The point is Ivan was ready to be terrible. He was like, one day this is gonna be my whole thing.
Yea.
But in fact, his early years were not terrible. And many attribute that largely to his marriage with Anastasiev. Their early rule was marked with peaceful reforms and modernizations. He formed the Zemski Sabor, which was Russia's parliament. He established a standing army called the Streltzi, and he unified religious rituals across the country.
I was thinking about that. It's interesting to think when you've got a large country with churches, you know, hundreds of miles apart from each other, How do you know they're doing the same thing, right?
I guess that's a good point.
Nobody ever came in and said, hey, mass goes like this, you know.
I mean, I guess they all get trained right in someplace.
Yeah yeah, but then you kind of go off on your own, and you know, just gradually it turns into your own thing. I guess, well, that's why I.
Always hated it when they were like, oh, the Bible used to be written, you know, in whatever language the common people did not speak. Oh, so that they had to go to a priest and told like what God's word was or whatever, and so the priest could tell you anything. They could literally be like, oh, yeah, this Bible says you have to sleep with me. Once to meet or something, and they'd be, well, I guess this
is in the book, you know. Like well, Ivan also took a look at the mess the Shwhiskys had made after the fire, and you know, he already hated these boyars plenty, but this just like added to it. So he started working on reforms that curbed their power. He's like, I want you all to be able to do less,
you know. So a special council was established called the Isbranayarada, which allowed lower class representatives to advise the czar on what was going on out in these streets there you go, which is pretty cool, like the common man around him.
Yeah, I'm sick of you rich people going on. Yeah right, and I mean mostly involved in the Isbranaya Rada was still pretty rich people. It wasn't the one percenters, but he was talking to the middle class.
Now at least, I was gonna say, it must have been at least landowners, like probably not a lot of peasants.
He actually, yeah, he did put some some laws into place that actually curbed peasants' abilities to like move around so much. But in general, he was like, let me stop making this such a you know, where only the rich people are allowed to have any say things.
Yeah yeah, what.
About the slightly less rich people. No one's thinking to them, poor.
People, no one cares, but the slightly restless rich people to get more representation.
Well, look, obviously Ivan is a complicated guy. And who knew that this little slice of Russian history would be so dense and dramatic.
Oh yeah, no one could guess that.
Always thought Russian history was supposed to be boring, so easy. And well, we should, however, zero in on this marriage and the family that they started, and the boatload of tragedy that followed. So let's take a break and we will look at all that right after this.
Welcome back everyone.
So honest, Asia and Ivan the Fourth, as we've said, are very much in love. There's just a really good relationship going on here. And while she was not directly involved in policy, she did help him keep a cool head while Ivan was off czarring to see you created this embroidery workshop, very famous. A lot of women came to work for her, like the best artists in town.
And there's this famed style of facial sewing that they do in sixteenth century Russia, and they would embroider these works that reflected state events or army victories under Ivan's rule, and religious symbols as well, and quite a few of these works apparently are preserved in museums to this day. So if you're at a Russian art museum, keep an
eye up for some of Anssia's embroidery. Yeah, but look, look, I know that we all want this happy couple to just sit around and stitch fancy art and bring down rich nobles and live happily ever after. Right, I'm sorry, folks, this is a Russian story. If you haven't heard so, you know it's gonna be tragic.
Oh man. Yes, Together, Ivan and Anastasia had six children. The first two were daughters, Anna and Maria, but each of them died at less than a year old, which, as in many of our stories, it's just not that uncommon, especially in Russia at the time. Bushkov wrote that infant mortality was hi throughout Europe and Asia at this time, with some women giving birth every year and often only one in four surviving well. After this, they gave birth
to a son, Dmitri, in fifteen fifty two. The next spring, Ivan got terribly sick and even he thought he would not make it. He's like, this is the end, and all the boyard in fighting between the families meant that most of them had never liked Anastasia, and he knew that she would be in a lot of trouble if he died without an air.
Oh yeah, so he asked.
The boy yards to swear loyalty to the new infant son, Dmitri, and a lot of them were like no, damn, which is like, do you remember how he had that guy beat to death.
Some of them straight up apparently saw how sick he was and was like, I'm not gonna do anything you say because you'll be dead tomorrow.
Oh so he was already so powerless in your mind.
Yep.
Well that was stupid because maybe had a pure spite alone I've been made a full and miraculous recovery and started ordering them executions.
Baby, oh he sure did. Oh, Like he.
Promised as a child, He's gonna kill you if you say no.
But sadly, tragedy struck again when the royal family took a pilgrimage to the Curillo Belzyorski monastery up north. The whole expedition had to cross these makeshift gangways across the Sphere River and the baby, Dimitri's nurse was holding him as two of us to see his relatives held the nurse's arms to sort of steady her as they crossed
this makeshift bridge. But suddenly the gangway collapsed and all four of them were thrown into the river, and while the three adults made it safely out, tragically the baby had drowned. Now, some historians have questioned how this makeshift bridge, this gangway, which was heavy and sturdy and used all the time and allowed the entire rest of the party to cross safely, suddenly flipped over while the Czar's only infant Air was crossing. But you know, no accusations at
the time were really made. Obviously huge tragedy, and Ivan was furious, but no one was necessarily crying murder that we know of at the time.
Ooh, but it's like a little conspiracy.
Yeah, people are looking back at it and going, that's really weird.
That is very strange.
Yes.
Well, the next year, fifteen fifty four, honest Acio gave birth to their fourth child, a son who they gave the name Ivan. And this one actually live hey for a while, Okay, his story is tragic too, but he'll last at least until the next episode. Oh, their weekend rest easy for a minute. And in fifteen fifty six, another daughter named Yevdokiya was born, but she only lived two years.
Oh awful, my god.
It must be just you're just sad all the time.
Yeah.
Their sixth and final child was a son named Theodor, born in May of fifteen fifty seven, and he would live even longer than his older brother Ivan. So all in all, only two of Ivan and Honestessia's children lived past infancy. But by the time she had given birth to Feodor, Honestessia had fallen very ill. Some historians attribute this to her being quote weakened by frequent childbirths, but Bushkov wrote that again, people were having babies constantly back then.
Six kids in ten years was quote, even by the standards of the sixteenth century, below the average norm.
Right, And she's between eighteen and twenty eight when she's having these babies. There, it's not like she was frail or right anything like that. So, but she kept getting sicker and sicker. Then in fifteen six, another fire broke out in Moscow. This one wasn't quite as intense or deadly as the fifteen forty seven fire, but clouds of smoke were pouring into the palace, and Anasticia was moved
to nearby village because of her health concerns. Historian Nikolay Karamzin wrote that Ivan stayed back and quote extinguished the fire himself. Being exposed to the greatest danger. He stood against the wind, showered with sparks, and with his fearlessness, aroused such a zeal in noble officials that the boyars threw themselves into the flames, carried water, climbed.
Roofs inspirational leader time.
Yeah, the fire was extinguished, but the Sarina's condition continued to worsen. On August seventh of fifteen sixty, honest Assia died quietly at twenty nine years old. They say that she died really peacefully, in quietly, in bed, almost embarrassed that she was drawing so much attention to herself.
Oh my goodness, yeah, little sweetie she was.
She was the sweetest.
Now. Ivan had called all the best doctors to care for her, but no one could save her. At her funeral, Ivan could barely walk behind her casket and had to be held up by his little brother Yuri and one of his cousins. He cried at her coffin and tore at his hair. The sight was so tragic that even many of the boyars started weeping as well, and Metropolitan Macarius burst into tears as her coffin was lowered into the grave. Kadamzine wrote, quote, the common sorrow was never
portrayed stronger. Not just one courtyard, but all of Moscow buried its first, most amiable queen. Everyone was crying, and the poor the beggars were the most inconsolable man. Yeah, that's so sad to see him like keening.
He was just a wreck, they said, Yeah, really heartbreaking. I think all of his goodness was with her, you know, like everything that made him feel like a good person.
Right, so maybe even just kind of not even consciously, but kind of mourning that part of yourself now that it doesn't exist anymore.
Yep, Because I think he had a lot of rage and sadness already, and she quelled that she made him feel at peace, And now I think he, yeah, like you said, maybe even subconsciously recognized I'm gonna be awful right from now on. Nothing's going to make me happy anymore.
I actually read something about that about grief, where it's like you're not just grieving the person who's gone, but who you were with that person, and that relationship that you had with that person, and all the special things about just the two of you.
This is so true, and I think.
That's really so special because it is like a part of yourself is gone.
Yeah, yeah, who are we if not are connections to other people in a lot of ways. While all of the doctors that Ivan called out also could not determine a cause of death, but he didn't need them. He knew what the cause of death was. It was the same thing that happened to his mother. Honest Asia was poisoned by the Boyars. He didn't even need evidence. He'd been locked in a battle with these families like the Shuiskys, and they never liked the idea of bowing to her family,
the Romanovs. She had been growing sick for a while, gradually, just like his mother did when she died. And after this, Ivan the Terrible started to earn his nickname. His wife, like we said, who had always cooled him, was gone. He was now angry, paranoid, and vengeful. Someone described him coming out of his room a week later, and he just looked different, and his eyes were sunk, and his skin was yellow, and he just had this scowl on
his face. As Karamzine writes, quote, people did not yet know what Anastassia had taken with her to the grave. Here's the end of the happy days of Ivan and Russia, for he lost not only his wife but also his virtue. Yeah, dark days ahead, right.
Well, the question remains now was she actually poisoned or was this just Ivan's paranoia and resentment against the boy.
Art understand you?
Yeah right, But he didn't. I mean, he just said it didn't heed proof. I was like, well, maybe you should get proved.
Well.
In the year two thousand, four hundred and forty years after her death, T. D. Panova, the head of the archaeological department at Moscow State Historical and Cultural Museum, led a study on honest Asia's remains. Together with forensic specialists.
They found some pretty shocking results. So the best material to determine the accumulation of mercury in the body is the hair, and in Zarena honest Esssilla's hair, they found mercury concentrations at four point eight milligrams, which is over ten times the toxic amount for human.
Wow.
Even fragments of the stone sarcophagus she was buried in came up with mercury readings.
Oh, they had pumped her full of.
It, full of that shit.
Oh my god, Oh my god. Now, some of the medicines at the time were also mercury based, so it had been previously suggested that maybe she just accidentally overdosed like that, which has happened before. I can't remember, but I feel like we've even mentioned that on this show before.
Maybe, So I do know that in cleaning out my grandfather's medicine cabinet we found some medicine with mercury in it, good time, from like a million years ago whatever. My cousin was like, why is this still here? What we need to get?
How do you even throw the s of it safely?
Right? Oh my god.
Well, and with these quantities that they were finding in Anastasia's body, modern scholars are basically totally certain that yes, she was in fact poisoned. Now, unfortunately we'll never know who specifically carried out this order, but we do know one thing Czar, Ivan the Fourth was right, Yeah, yes she was poisoned, and yes he's gonna do something about it now. Unfortunately, he also did not know exactly who did this, so his rage just kind of went in
all directions. But he definitely was not having it with the boyers. No more. Nope, in his life he would take seven more brides. Now, none of those marriages lasted nearly as long as his and Anesthesias, and none of them were as passionate or loving. But the reign of Ivan the Terrible was just getting started, all triggered by the murder of not only his mother but his most beloved wife. Now, obviously there's so much to say about Ivan and Anastasia. It's been a full episode. We've been
here nearly an hour now already. So we got seven more wives to get to, and I think we'll get to them all in one episodeties aren't quite so intense, but we will come back next time with the rest of Ivan's marriages.
Man, yeah, I've been straight up was like, I don't even need to do an investigation. Y'all killed my wife.
I know you weren't subtle about it.
And now I'm like, well, who are the boyars who were crying at her funeral?
Yeah, well that's that's kind of what's tough about it, is there everybody's a boy are There's like, they're boy as all over the place. Boy are here? Boy are there? Boy or boy are everywhere? But the Shwhiskys were the main ones that keep coming up in my research, but there were a few other families whose names really popped up a lot. So there was probably some still that liked her, totally on her side, but the real power grabby ones, these are the ones to look out for.
Well that's so, I'm like, were they crying thinking like, Oh, he's really gonna just beat the shit out of me by dogs, He's going to have his grandma sprinkle some blood flames on the oh names, there's something this might have been a bad idea, guys.
Oh No, Grandma Glinsky uh vanished from record. But she was not killed. She They think she just kind of escaped somewhere and took another name and lived out her life just.
Fine, smart, very smart, or like a sorcerer. She just made herself disappeared.
She turned into a bird and flew away away to torment some other town children and eating their hearts. I was fascinated by this story. I didn't know nothing about Ivan the Terrible, No me neither.
I've never heard of him.
Actually, you know, I don't think heard the name, you know, just like maybe the game itself.
I feel like you might be right and I've heard it, but I know there's like several like Peter the Greats for example, so like there's a like, well, I wonder which one, but it's really cool. I'm always loved to spend time in Russia, I know, because it's just such an interesting country. I feel. I just feel like it's so it's kind of alien in a lot of ways.
Culturally, Yeah, you can tell there's this raw survival kind of mentality behind everyone. Yeah, and we're in the cold, we're you know, resources are sparse. They had to they had to make it work, and they had to and you know, they used that cold, they had that ice in their veins.
It feels right well, and like the quote about needing a thunderstorm, Yeah, I think it's still still pretty true culturally there. And again I'm not Russian, so happy to be corrected. But you know, like Putin's always run around like look at my I'm riding this horse and I'm really strong, you know, like there's this macho there's a machismo to who they see as being powerful, right, and influential. That's very important for that perception. I think even Olga
of Kiev had it. Remember her, That's right, she would like the thunderstorm.
Oh my gosh, a lot of people up and buried them and burned them alive.
I was speaking of birds that cause fires, that's right.
She tied a little flames to pigeons and they like flew into houses and lit him on fire.
Right, Yeah, yeah, did that. That's why I'm like, I wonder if they I don't. I don't remember when. I think that was way before this, so maybe they got that.
Yeah, it was way before this.
So the Legend of Kiev.
If but you haven't heard, we did her story in an earlier episode and it is.
Awesome, so fun.
Go check it out. But thanks for tuning in for this one. Yeah, they're excited to bring you the first of Ivan's eight wives, and like I said, we'll come back with I'm pretty sure all seven in the next episode.
We're Russian to get that done. You're welcome.
Don't have a Moss cow Man while you're waiting.
I love it. Yeah, perfect, Perfect.
Tell us your Russia puns and give us your feedback on this episode or any episode or suggestions for new ones in the future. We would love to hear from you. You can email us at ridic Romance at gmail dot com that's.
Right, or we're on Instagram. I'm at danam.
Boone and I'm at O Great.
It's Eli and the show is at ridic Romance.
So please follow us along, drop us a review. We love hearing from you and we can't wait to bring in the next one. Love you, bye bike.
So long friends, it's time to go.
Thanks for listening to our show. Tell your friends, nabors, uncles, and dance to listen to our show, Ridiculous Romance.