Breaking Up with Reddit: Hilarious Heartbreak from the Internet's Super Forum

a cool time travel movie, wouldn't it. If you're like an art thief, but you went back in time and you stole a painting, you know what I mean, right, stole the Mona Lisa right when he's down in it or something. But you know, my life, and it would never get famous, so it would never be worth any Well, that's the thing. I would go back in time and steal art that was never going to become famous, right, you know, other people be stealing the Monel. You can't,

you can't. You have to steal it right when it gets famous, not right when it gets made. Funnily, Mona Lisa only got famous because it was stolen. I heard that most people didn't give a funk about it until I got stolen funny yea, So maybe stealing it would actually make we'd have an artist now that was like Hella respected just because you went back in time stole

their shitty paintings. I'm doing this for you. You don't know that I'm helping your career or another another art heist show HBO, if you're listening, is uh copyrighting this idea? As you can't just steal it? Is the artist who sets up thefts of their own work so that it becomes well known. I love that. I'm into that. A conspiracy to steal your own work so that'll be worth more. I mean, you're the perfect person to be an art thief because you're your own. Wasn't there like a Brooklyn

nine episode like that, Yeah he was. Jason man Zucas is an insurance adjuster or whatever, and Boil's food truck caught on fire, and he's like, it's always the owner. It's always for insurance money. It's always the owner. See I'm thinking I think I was thinking of them the author who leaked his own book. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Jake.

So there were multiple Brooklyn nine nine episodes. Also, the orchestra guy stole his own instrument because they were like, the orchestra players don't make If y'all are ever at a Brooklyn nine trivia night, Diana is there with you. Whether you know it or not. I know, right, it'll just be silent in the room and she'll just say the most random, curious thing. I have no idea what she's talking about, except I do because I can turn to her and say, was that a Brooklyn Night quote?

Just yes? So was their context for it? And you say, in my head there was conversation led up to the perfect here. Y'all should all live in here. It sounds like a great place to be. Remember someone told me they thought my brain, the inside of my brain looked like Dr Seus's world at Universal Studio. Absolutely, and I was like, now, oh wow, we got a different one. Okay, so much is different today. We've we've reworked our whole

studio space, so hopefully this doesn't sound different. But we kind of just we kind of just took everything down and went with the empty room. Yeah, temporarily, we're going to see what kind of setup works for us best, but we wanted this room back Yeah, it was not comfortable, stuffy, also stuffy. There's crap piling up around the outside. The room just became like a couple of storage hallways and then this thing in the middle. There's a lot. There's

a lot. So we're trying this. That's new. We have a whole new kind of style episode today too, which is exciting that we're going to try out. And also, um, I don't know, I had egg whites this morning. That's kind of different. You look. Yeah, I know. I didn't do it for the flavor. I did it because I went to the gym and I never do that. And I've been going two weeks now, that's right. Yeah, very

proud of it. And I don't look anything like Brad Pitt in Fight Club yet, and I'm getting a little frustrated. I know, you would think, how long does it take? I've been five times? Why am I not lean? And well it's not working out that way. But what is working. But what is working out is this new episode that

we're trying out today. So today we're doing something a little different than our usual fair We're not diving deep into uh some you know, some royals story about how they and their spouse defeated an entire army with their dicks or whatever it is we're usually talking about. It's got to be out there. Um. But we decided that we would just go look at some regular old folks stories. Not old folks, lots of folks, just some normal people. Look, here's what we did. We we loved up and we

decided that we would slip into the Internet's deepest, darkest hole. Reddit. Yeah. I know, well got our opinions on Reddit. There's some good stuff in there, there's some nightmares. It's the Internet densed into one page. Um, but we just started. I know there's subreddits, are there domb reddits? God? You know there's you know there are there's gotta be. If there

is something, it's on Reddit exactly. That's what I know about Reddit Rule thirty four, which of course is the Internet rule that if you think of it, someone out there is into it. Yeah, yep. Um. So we decided we would just get some some regular stories, because not everybody gets these news articles written about them. Not everybody

has a whole Wikipedia page devoted to their romance. Some of us just live our lives and no nobody knows what happened to us until someone asks, right, and you're at a party and you're something, you're telling the greatest story of your life exactly. So we found some regular folks most absurd questions and answers about their love lives, and we decided that we would read all about breakups today because there's some beautiful stories and hear about breakups.

We found a few questions that were asked. We're going to give some of our own answers. We're gonna share some of the more ridiculous answers that we found people giving, and then some of them leave a more questions than answers, So I think that we might have to sort of reenact some of these scenarios to fill in the gaps. Yeah, react, yes, So thanks for tuning it. It's gonna be a fun episode, a little different than our usual fair but I'm really excited to get to it. Yeah, let's dive in. Hey

their French, come listen. Well, Eli and Diana got some stories to tell. There's no matchmaking, no romantic tips. It's just about ridiculous relationships. I love. It might be any type of person at all, and abstract concept are concrete wall. But if there's a story where the second glance, we'll put it in a ridiculous roll. Yes, a production if I heart radio. All right, so we're Cruise and Reddit, and first we're looking to break up stories, right because

there's some really wacky breakup stories out there. Uh. And the first question we found with some good answers to it, was what is the worst place to break up with someone? And Diana, I just want to know what you think is the worst place. And this can be this could be a personal story, like it's the worst because of how it was for you, or it can be like this would be truly horrible. Well, I think it's never happened to me, but I think truly horrible would be

like at the altar. I guess they're like, I, you know what, I don't think. I think that would be pretty painful, both emotionally and financially. Plus you're humiliated all these people are here. I don't know. It would just be a pretty shifty place to me, right right. Yeah, Like the priest gets up and he says, if anyone has any reason these should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your piece. Well, actually, funny you should ask any but well, I don't want to forever hold

my peace, baby, right. I mean, the man said, if I wanted, I should say something now. I mean, it's it's true. You don't want to you don't want to marry someone you don't want to marry. No, it's true. So I guess an altar breakup is better than an altar. I know we should break up, but I'm just gonna go through it because I don't want things to be awkward. Yea, we may as well go ahead and sign a piece of paper and make it extra difficult ourselves to get

this over. Of course, the obvious question is how the hell did you get to the altar in the first place. You know, I don't know. There's got it. There had to have been a point during the planning that you said, you know what, maybe not? Yeah, I don't. I mean, I haven't dated that many people, so I haven't don't have that many breakup story. But you don't. We don't say, because neither of us have had a ton of romantic partners. But it's because we dated for a long time. It's true,

so it's not that we had a few partners. That sounds that sounds sad, right, I feel so judged when I'm like, I've only had six girlfriends, but I dated all of them for like over a year and a half. What if you said I've only had six girlfriends and I dated them all at the Saint so and that's why you don't have anyone now They No, I didn't date all six my girlfriends at the same time. I dated them quickly back to back for a year and a half to two years. Wow. No, but we broke

up and we had to wait out our lease. So we broke up and then had to live together or something. It was tough. That was really hard, you know, it just come home to some hostility house and energy, like I want to know where you've been and who you've been talking to, but you don't have any right to ask me anymore, and so it's awkward and you know, like I don't know. It was just really nah, not great.

I did have to drive an hour and a half north to break up with someone once because she had moved d I mean no, but I felt compelled to. We were talking on the phone. It was clearly we were going to It was like, wait, are we breaking up? And I was like, hang on, I'll be right there. I got in my car and I drugs. Was like, I should we should have a conversation about this. It was a it was a one sided breakup. Um well, I was the one who drove an hour and have

to break up with someone. So I guess I know the answer to that. Um, but it's we're all we're all happy people now. Oh yeah, for sure, Yeah, for sure. Sometimes were the best. You know, You're like, I know it hurts now, but honestly, we're not good together. I mean that's just the long and short of it. Well, some of these answers uh User kpps mom said in an airplane, which true terrible place to break up with someone. Yeah.

Also depending on are you on your way to the vacation or you know, you really picked your moment very poorly together, or like a family reunion or some ship, I would be so awkward. Well. User B Thompson O four reply to that and said, well, a hot air balloon might be worse, because at least with an airplane you could conceivably switch seats with someone and not be near your ex. But a hot air balloon is much

tighter quarters. I meant, honey, I just think things aren't really working out also I cheated on you with your sister and your best friend and your gym instructure and your tex And much like a wedding, don't get into that hot air balloon with someone you're about to break up with. Let's think these things through. I really wonder how like, in the history of humankind, since the hot air balloon was invented, how many times has somebody had to break up with someone in the basket of hot

air balloon. Maybe if you, like you know, you get in together and then something goes wrong and you end up just floating over the alps and you're and you start pickering, that's the only time I can think, like, all right, maybe this ends it a breakup. Otherwise I

feel like a hot air balloon ride usually doesn't. Yeah, you're just like either terrified, which I think I might be, or you're like really enjoy like look at the view and like up here probably a cool like hot air balloon festival, a bunch of other balloons around, and you're like, oh, what a great event. Like why would you be in

the mood for a break up at that time? But maybe if you're really scared and you're like sitting in the bottom of the basket, like, you know what, now that I'm coming to the end of my life, I realized I'm not happy. I thought you meant the opposite, like you're so scared sitting in the basket that your partner is like, you're so lame. I can't I can't put up with you anymore. Well, this is after a long history of being a very irritatingly right, and they're like,

this is a flat person. Yeah, yeah, less strong in this basket. Yeah. Oh. And then user Nick Noltree said at the shooting range, oh, points, they will have a weapon. Honey, this ain't working out. You know what is working out. It's start running. If you're going to run for me, you better keep running. Found a new target to practice film. I don't know, you know, automatically shooting range to southern.

But then what I also I realized is that I automatically started each one of those breakup bits with honey, I love, I need to break up with you. If you leave the pet names out, probably well and you don't feel like column on that all right, so you don't. Maybe that's for it. Maybe that's Victorian era. My dearest love, it has come to my attention that over the times we have spent together, it's come to my attention and

I don't love you, Austin. All right, this seems like a good place for us to take a break and we'll come back. Take a break. Are you breaking up? We're just taking a commercial break. It's a brief commercial break and we'll be right back after this and we're back, all right. Well, you know, a breakup place is certainly bad enough. But what about this question? Was what was your most horrible or ridiculous post breakup reaction? Oh and this user x forever endeavor x endeavor not end ever,

but endeavor get it forever, endeavor forever. If you read it, use your names are just like the whole other letters that make no sense. Well, this person said, I have a nervous laugh whenever I'm in a horrible, awkward, sad, depressing, or serious situation. I just laughed lightly. Imagine being in her shoes as she's holding back tears and that she's sorry but she's breaking up with her boyfriend of two years, while the boyfriend in question is just lightly laughing. She

did not like this. No, I would not think that would be very funny. I know, what if you're nervous? Laugh was like a villainous laugh. No, no, babe, I'm genuinely heartbroken. Rule god, you have an evil Well yeah, so why are all these people getting damped? That's always the question that though, you know, there's sometimes a good reason and sometimes not so much. So the next question we're going to tackle is what's the most ridiculous reason that you have been dumped? Uh? And user I am

Cocoa Nuts said my exes cat was named Ben. The girl I was dating's cat was named Bundle. Name for cat also Ben. Kind of boring name for a cat, kind of a funny name for a cat. I can't decide. No, I think I I kind of love a cat with a human name. It's so dignified. Yeah, this is Gregory, Like my name is Lawrence. O. My cat Jessica. I mean, right, would you not be like, yes, that's a cat that's

pretty good. Alright, alright, I'm sold on Ben. Alright. So the cat's name is Ben, the exes cat's name is Ben. The current girlfriend's name cat's name is Bundles. And the user says, one day I called Bundles Ben and she asked me what I just called her cat, and I thought about it and I remembered that was my exes cat's name. So I laughed and told her and she was super unimpressed broke up with me the next day.

That's a little far. It's a little far to like call your ex's name out during sex or something like the exes cat's names. Like, I know, I still call you my childhood dog milows. Sometimes you know, like it's just no, but you know what I'm talking about. Sometimes those names just get shuffled up in your brain. Right You're just like, who's annoying me right now? But people, I mean, you know, I feel like there's some insecurity here to begin with, but people are also very uh

intense about their cats. That's True's like that was insulting to Bundles. How dare you? I don't need some trashy as cat's name flipping around my Bundles. Bundles has an identity crisis now, thank you very much. Yeah, maybe it didn't even matter that was the exes cat. Maybe it's just any wrong name. Bundles had an issue, Like, Bundles, is that therapy right now on the couch? Like, who even am I I want to name a cat erin purse Aaron pur Sir, Do I to say the whole

thing every time? Otherwise it's not respectful. Yeah, okay, it's all right. I like it. I love Aaron per p the sir. It just puts me in Hamilton's and I'm like, you know what you'd become. You switch from a cat person in my mind to a musical theater person, and that's a that's a big downgrade. And I say that as a musical theater person. Dang. I feel like there's a lot of crossover between cat people and have you seen cats as a whole crossover culture? All right? This

one is I love this. This is from user hot in It, who quoted their breakup saying I love you so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We have to break up. If it's really meant to be, then we'll end up together again like they do in the movies. This is someone who can't separate fiction from reality, right right, Like everything is going so great that it must be meant to be. We better to break up and then I'll see if you come back to me. That proves that we're like

a rom calm. What's the rom calm where that happens? You know better than I do. They like break up and get back together. It's most of them, right, yeah, notting Hill's the one I'm thinking of, because I'm like, you know, this person really wants the I'm running through the airport to get you vibes, or like I'm gonna humiliate myself in front of a crowd and tell everyone how much I love you and I was wrong or whatever.

You know, they want that big grand gesture. If we don't live the Ross and Rachel experience, then how can we have a love as strong as the Ross and Rachel? Can I say that if I lived the Ross and Rachel experience that I would murder There's no way I would break up and get back together with the same person. How many times I'll be like, you know, what is no, absolutely not. I don't like roller coasters. I don't like this roller coaster te Shame on me, break up with

me three times? Shame on both of us, honestly, But what if? What if? What if it's not Nodding Hill and it's like, you know, like my love you're perfect in my life is perfect with you. But how can we really know this is forever unless we put it to the test, like I I think, I think to really prove that our love is pure, you know, we need you need to move to the West Coast and have an office Christmas party, and it needs to get infiltrated by German terrorists and they need to blow up

half the building. And then I need to come and take out those terrorists one by one until I finally rescue you from a hostage situation by pushing Alan rick Been out a window like that. Then we'll know this is real. If I don't see that happen, I will never know for sure if we're supposed to be together. How can we have a John McClay and Holly Gennaro type romance if we don't live the McClain Gennaro experience

exactly exactly exactly the same. In fact, I'm going to get a perm right now, and some should wait wait wait, wait, wait, slow down. Now. I was okay with the terrorists, but I draw the line that shoulder pads don't bring it back. Or how about babe, We've been together for a long time, we have a beautiful daughter together. But I need to know that this is the real thing, sure, and the only way that I can do that whatever, Go to China learn the art of kung fu from the Great

Master Hi may. Spent a few years hunting you and your minions down, and if I performed the five point palm exploding Hart trick on you, honestly, you'd probably be better off without me. If I'm doing this for you, well, I suppose I would be better off without you if you made your life mission to kill me, kill me literally succeeded. Honey, I know you and I want to spend the rest of our lives together. That's why I need to clone a park full of dinosaurs and let

them escape. Because if we don't live the Dr Grant, Dr. Sadler experience, how can we know we have a love as strongest thing. I've got to see you tie your seatbelt together one time. If we get eaten by dinosaurs, will know is was never going to work out exactly exactly A mystery, Saul, Right, sweetheart, ourted love is strong. It seems like nothing could destroy it. But could it withstand the fires of Mount Doom? From whence it came?

I had to gather a fellowship and spake a dirty. Yes, yes, truly, all the Evelyn malice was poured into that right to them, you have to carry me up the mountain and then throw me in the ring. If I carried you up a mountain, I would throw you in. I know you would. You could walk. Another ridiculous reason for being dumped came from Emerald Glimmer. This was a girl who did not get along with her boyfriend's parents, and they were on the phone one night and she told him, you shouldn't

have to choose between me and your parents. I mean, yeah, you can't. I mean, you can't your parents, right, It's pretty difficult to get rid of them. Yeah, I mean some people are, definitely, but you shouldn't have to. You shouldn't have to do that. If you like them and you want him in your life, you shouldn't have significant other or whatever totally. And then she says, the conversation continued and we decided to break up, but I stayed friends.

Something like ten years later, we were talking online when the subject of our breakup came up. It turned out that he thought I had said you should have to choose between me and your parents, and decided he wasn't going to do that I would never give someone that kind of ultimatum. That would be ridiculous. True. It blew my mind that a single misunderstood word caused us to break up and we did not realize it for ten years. What First of all, why would you not ask for

some clarification? Right? How did that conversation not wrap around to Wow, you really think that I should choose between you and my parents? I said, shouldn't. Oh, thank goodness, we'd break up over that, because then it could have been a decade before we learned the truth. You know. Also enunciation this key, folks, we need more lessons in right, you know, tip of the tongue of the top of the team. They also, I mean, I've always you know, I'm one of the few who still appreciate a phone call.

But this is something that wouldn't have happened over text unless it was like an auto correct, and then she probably would have corrected it right, because you could see right there that the misunderstanding was barreling towards I mean, I have misread things before, but that's a big misread. I want to break up with you over this text that I casually glanced at and didn't go back and read a second time, but did not bother to clarify.

That's what I'm like. Maybe it was like, I mean, I'm fine with it, like it's fine, you know, like nobody was really trying to hold onto it, because I feel like they would have talked it if they were trying to keep together. But I don't know, Well, what kind of world might they be living in now they've just been clear oh new, Yeah, they might be taking a magic carpet ride. That's right. They might be time travel art thieves. We don't know. All right, all this

talk about breaks, I want to take one. Let's break up this episode with a commercial. Sometimes those kinds of breakups are healthy, healthy, Welcome back to the show. Everybody Well. User Ellie three eighteen said my ex dumped me because he had a dream that I cheated on him, And I just got to say, this is real. Sorry, I get this. I mean I wouldn't I wouldn't dump somebody, But I have woken up and been like, I can't. I know that I shouldn't be angry at you right now,

but I can't stop. I can't make it go away because you were so mean to me in my dream or you did something so rude, and you've I've had dreams of this is not this is not how I think of you. This is just like fun fantasies my brain are having. But I have had dreams where you are so dismissive and cold, and You're not a dismissive

or cold person. No, not at all. Just like wake up and I'm like, I can't believe she spoke to me like that, and like I usually wake up before you, and I'll be lying there like God, I need to get rid of this feeling before she wakes up, because I don't want to talk to her right now. I remember one day I did wake up and I'm just really mad. I'm just so irritated you right now for something you did in my dream. I need a minute

and you would tell me what I did. And I'm like, I I don't remember my dreams, so I don't have a case of being mad at you. I'm looking at I write down my dreams sometimes because I forget him quickly. I can't find one, but there is one here where um, I thought my intestines were falling out and I asked you to drive me to the hospital, and you were like well, I can't because the car is a stick shift. And in my dream we had my old Ford Ranger truck and you were like, you're going to have to drive,

I'll go with you. Like, oh my god, so I'd like hold my in destines in well, I was driving myself to the hospital. Amazing that your brain knew that an ambulance is just to ex out of the question. We both neither of us even came up with the idea, and you're like, we gotta drive ourselves. Hang out, y'all. This one from lint rules. I can't. I can't even read you the post. We have to we have to take you there, we have to, we have to show it to you. So so imagine that you're you're in

a house. There's a couple. They've been together for a long time. They love each other very much, but they're they're they're coming to the end of their relationship. By babe, I love you too, but I'm sorry. There's just there's just something that's really hurting me. And no matter how close we are, no matter how long we're together, it's not something I'm going to be able to get over. But maybe it must be something we can get past. I'm willing to put the work in. We can fix this.

I don't know, it's just I think it's one of those things that just make two people just incompatible. Like I've tried to move past it, but it's also something that I can't ask you to change about yourself because I would forever know that I was causing you to be disingenuous, that you would be lying for me, and that's not something I can put you through. Well, at least tell me what it is. Well, Jessica, it's just that your car headlights don't automatically turn on when you

turn your car on. I'm sorry, what that's what she said. She said her boyfriend broke up with her because her car headlights did not come on automatically when she turned her car on. He's like, you got a poverty carters very basic feature. Yeah, our associates what one she did say in the post. I'm assuming that he had other reasons, but this is what he told me, and I love laughing my ass off about it. Okay, well, this has a sense of humor. I mean, how could you not

That's the most absurd thing I ever heard. If you told me that today, after five years of marriage, of being together for nearly two decades. If you came to me and we're like, I gotta leave you because you know the seatbelt light, it really bothers me. Even then, I would just laugh about that. For the rest of me, I think, yeah, well, and it's such a dumb He must have had another reason. He met somebody else or something, and he's like, let me think of something that wried

or feeling. Well, it didn't definitely if he left her with a laugh, that's true. And she got to participate in this read at thread brought her a lot of joy or something, And now she's on the world's most famous podcast about romance. Look what he did for you soon to be soon to be the most famous podcast in the world for romance. Getting there, tell tell Us, tells us uncles and aunts, don't start him with this episode. One day, I'd like to do survey and be like,

how many of our listeners are uncles and aunts? Other listeners? Other listeners, Yeah, yeah, start him on. You know Taisu and Metalick or or Jackie sure, yeah, well Rachel and Jackie Robinson. That's a great one. Uh, this is this is we're trying to here Oh, such a good episode this one. You know. Hey, we're all here, we're all having we're just laughing. We're having a good time here. I'll tell you right now, I'm gonna go ahead and

spill the news for you, y'all. We're doing this episode because we're deep in research on some really cool biographies, so that's coming to you right now. But we just wanted to have some fun today. Yeah, we're talking about Vaudeville next. And oh my god, so here we go, speaking of a good time. Uh, Jamie K four D D eight A four four one. We don't have to read all chase extra letters. Jam was like, this is a throwaway account and I'm just going to keep taking

until it says I'm done with the user name. Anyway, she said she wanted to break up with her boyfriend, so she asked him to meet her at Starbucks. Nice neutral, Yeah, yeah that makes sense, not too not a fancy place or anything. Hopefully, she knew this was going to be a pretty steady, stable breakup, not like a lot of tears or anything. Right. Well yeah, well itt um, So they decided to take a walk together instead of going inside. But quote, we got back from our breakup walk and

a woman was putting a boot on his car. Not only did he get dumped, but he had to pay a one hundred and forty And I gotta say, for a second, I read this and I was like, should she have paid that ticket for him? Just to be kind? And then I was like, no, no no, no, you don't owe anyone anything when you break up with that. I know, but that does suck. It does suck. Though. He's like, I should have looked at that fucking sign and all the signs that came before this she was going to

break up, didn't read a lot of signs. Got to get better at signs that. Oh, I'm just trying to imagine what this guy's The rest of this guy's day was like, just because that doesn't there's no weight stops there. No, he's having He's like having a day like everything bad happened. Flat tire on the way home, dog dog shit in the house. Definitely, Definitely, he finds out the predator is hunting him. You know, it's just a really bad day. One of those days. One of those days. Can I

tell you when I waited tables. I've worked at a breakfast place, So it's like two pm or something, and

we see, we all noted. All the servers are noticing that there's a table that's definitely breaking up, and you know, they're like trying trying not to go over there too much because they're clearly like he's really upset and crying a little, and like it was like real awkward, which, by the way, if you're being served, please don't break up at your table like the poor servers, Like I'm just trying to refill your coffee or something, or like

drop the check. It's real awkward. But anyway, what really was so funny about it was that we all know what's happening. It's taking forever, and we're playing nineties music, and all of a sudden, Tony Braxton's Unbreak My Heart comes on, and I have never seen so many servers run to the radio to like, we need something else. What's a good song? That's what's a good breakup song? Put on why can't We be friends? Or I Will Survive? But we were racing that you don't need this, she

don't need this. I didn't share my my most ridiculous breakup. It wasn't driving an hour and a half. No, Well, that was me doing it. But the most ridiculous time I was broken up with it was it was it was on office. I'll get too one of the details. She's a she's a friend of the show and a listener. She's gonna know, she will. We were we went to UM. We were just having a day driving around doing some stuff,

and we went to Planet Smoothie. I don't even know if they have Planet Smoothie anymore, UM, but we got some smoothies. I got a blueberry something or other smoothie. I just remember the blueberries very specifically because we got back to my car and it was my my old We've talked about it before, my old BMW that I had UM and I and this again, this was an old car. I was doing everything I could to keep it nice because it was like, oh BMW, but it was like a real cheaper but um, we were in

the parking lot. We just got our smoothies and I put mine down on the center console where the where the gear shift is. It's like it's a manual or it's not automatic, but it's got the you know, drive park whatever. And I put it down next to that, and she's, you know, the conversation comes up that we're going to start breaking up now, and I like made some hand gesture and not the smoothie offer, and blueberry smoothie goes pouring into my car console, covering all, like

all the electronics. It was awful where I'm like, I'm really sad and I'm lad I can't help but kind of laugh too, and then we both start laughing. Yes, my evil laugh came up. I think she had the evil laugh that day. I could see it. I could see, um, not only have I ruined relationship, but I've ruined your car. Oh, but we had a good time. It was we're dear friends now. We are dear friends now. We really have

been ever since. It was not the worst breakup. It was long time coming, and um, you know it's fine. As I was definitely saddened, but also I was like, you know that that voice in my brain was like, yeah, come on, let's yeah, this is this is a good friend, right, this is a great friend. Let's let's go on. I remember I dated a guy for like a month and a half or something. He was dating other people and I was not because I had just got out of my long relationship. We had to stay in the same

house together for like a couple of months. Um. But anyway, we're on like a you know, we were together for like a month or something, and then I started seeing you for the first time. We dated for the first time because we had like about a month or two, and then we broke up for about a year and then we get back together. But anyway, a true Ross and Rachel story. Just kidding, but um, I remember, uh

I told him. I guess I told him that I was going on a date with you or something like that, and he got really offended and upset that someone else. I'm very threatening. I know you are. You're some dating guy. Um. But I was like, well, I mean we're both seeing other people. You're still seeing that as a girl. And he's like, yeah, but it's different class. Oh is it different? So I was like, well, cool, I'll just see one person then and it won't be you. Lemon, squeezy, that's

such a dick move. I know he was a nice guy, but I was just like, you have there's I don't know, I don't know what it is. I know there's some dudes out there these days. And also at that time, who thought that, um, women vaginas conform to the penis that they sleep with the most. This is legit, not real. It's just a legit belief that some people have um that. Yeah, and if you sleep with too many guys, you're a vaginant. It doesn't recognize. It's like memory is all I guess well,

and also vain memory. They believe that if you sleep with your your vagina actually makes their penis grow. So if you sleep with other people, you ruin the configuration in there and it causes the penis to not grow, so you're actually penalizing your your main penis penalizing your penis. It doesn't make any sense. And that's why I can't put my mind to wrap my mind around. Fellas. Don't don't. You just don't how it works. My god, it's just

not how it works. I love this vaginal memory that you have sex with like two men and you come back to one and it's like, wait, what is this? Who are you? I can't make you grow? I don't know who you are. I gotta re establish my integrity now, I mean, yeah, they're acting like it's like a divot. You put in a couch, you're sitting on it. For years. Yes, exactly. It's just a fundamental misunderstanding of how it all works.

Company was like, maybe, yeah, some of that energy. I don't think he had that full belief, but maybe there was something going on in mean, like that where he's like, it's just wrong for you to be seeing someone else. It's okay for me to do it. And I know I said you could do it, but now that you're doing it, I don't like it. I mean, my my my thought is that in general, that ridiculous belief is merely a justification for men being possessive and jealous. You know.

It's like, well, no, there's actually there's a scientific reason. It's not just because I'm a total loser who can't who who feels totally comfortable dating other people but would be really scared if you did. It's that they're science behind it. Actually, So it's a it's a total absurd justification,

I think. So I don't know that he I mean, maybe he had some of that in his mind, but at the end of the day, it was just because he was possessive and controlling and felt like he could do things that you weren't allowed to do because he was the one who was allowed to say so, well,

I think too. I thought this just might be an ego thing, but I thought that maybe he felt like he did want to get serious with me, so he was like gonna break up with this other person and like have a moment with me where he's like, I choose you or something, you know what I mean. Like it was like a flattering thing, which it is flattering,

I guess to be you know, picked or whatever. But I was just like, I don't you know again, I had just got I was very clear that I had just gotten out of a long relationship and I was not looking for another one, and I was like trying to casually date for the first time in my life.

I just see what I actually liked and anyway, So I was just kind of it was just one of those things where I was like, I don't need to spend any more time on this, Like I really feel like it would be real if that is what you want, It would be mean to you to keep dating you because that's not what I want. And if that's not what you want and you're just a controlling, possessive person, well I definitely don't want that. I already know that for sure, So you know me as well, nip this

in the butt. You're telling me you made the mature and reasonable decision, and he was being a little whiney baby a little bit, just a little bit. Well it worked out, and I'm glad you kept that casual dating up with me. And then we got married. Casting well, I think I can't remember if we've told this story. If we have, it's been a long time. Um, but we we did. We dated for a couple of months.

We had both just gotten out of very serious relationships, and we decided after a couple of months that it wasn't working out, we were going to separate for a little while. I'm glossing over some details, but general idea is that we separated. We were like, you know, let's in fact, I said specifically, I know I've never casually dated, and I want to do that before I get into another long term thing. So we we separated. We broke up for a year. You said, and you you dated

how many other guys? Like three? Like three? Yea? And I dated how many other girls? Um? None? It was zero, zero was the number. But you could have I could have, And I chickened out on one date, um, and then um, and then we got back together. I like to think it's just because you knew you could do no better than this. Yeah, well either either a compliment to me. I can't decide. Clearly I could do no better than you. So here we are. I think there might be an

insult to both of us. No, actually what am I doing? So? You know, boy, the Internet what a place people could just spill their guts. And who knows, maybe they're making this ship up. I'm sure there's lots of made up stories. Yeah, certainly exaggerated because of course you're going for the up votes, as it is on Reddit. But and you're only getting

one side of the story. Well that's a thing. Sometimes people be up in here like oh everything was fine and then suddenly she was mean, and oh is everything fine? Or were you just not paying attention to some signals? Right? Right? Exactly?

But uh, but you know, some some certainly absurd stories just from from the common man, you know, not not these not not not like those uh those big name news media centric stories of the guy who sucked his car, you know exactly, just the common folks like you and me, regular people out here, and regular lives haven't weird asks

man's stories. I'm glad we could dip into it. And what I want more than anything in this world in my life right now at all, is for you all to please please send us your most absurd breakup you've ever had, whether you were one side or the other, or maybe you've just witnessed it. Sometimes people are just like I would like you said in the restaurant, I watched a break up, give me the give me that juice. I need it. I need it, and we will share it on the show because these are great stories. These

are always great stories, and they usually are. I mean sometimes they're sad, I guess, but yeah, send us your sad stories. We'll take them. Well, we'll put some dramatic music behind him totally. I do a dramatic reading. Yeah, absolutely here so you can relive your sad home. That's what we look for in a podcast. But we do all want comedians to reinterpret our sad moments for us, put them into a ridiculous context, and that's what we're all about. So please shoot us an email let's know

what you thought of this little episode. Again, thanks for tuning in for this totally off our usual kind of style. Um, but we are working hard on some really cool biographical episodes that we got coming up for you all. We're excited to get to those. But I hope you all enjoyed this and had some fun laugh with us. Yeah, and I cannot wait to hear your stories because I'm

sure there's some good ones down there. And Ridiculous Romance ridiculous ro fans roans anyway, send us an email ridic Romance at gmail dot com, it's right, or find us on Twitter and Instagram. I am at Oh great, it's Eli and I'm at Dynamite Boom and of course just find the show at ridic Romance so you can message us in any of those places. Shoot us a review on Apple Podcasts. We'd love to hear from you there. Uh, you know, listen to a couple other episodes first you

kind of know what the show is really about. It men, shoot us a review and we would love to hear from you. Thank you again for tuning in and spending your time with us, and we're gonna catch you all the next one. I love you, babe, So long, Francis time to go. Thanks so listening to our show. Tell your friends name was Uncle Sandez. To listen to our show Ridiculous well Nance