A Brief History of Sex Toys Pt. 1

driving to California. Timing couldn't have been better for gas prices. Yeah, you know, when we planned this trip a few months ago because we're going out to a wedding in Palm Springs. Our friends Max and Stephanie, who we love and are amazing people, moved out there and they're getting married. Congratulations to them. Uh, and we're so excited to go to their wedding. And when we planned it a few months ago, we ran all the numbers and we were like, you know,

we could save a little money if we drive. Um, and the guest person who at the times prices were different back then, Um, and you know what, that's okay, it's okay. We're we're fortunate enough that we can still do it. Um, it's not gonna it hasn't ruined the trip. We might rethink some things, but you don't need to worry about all that. The point is, uh, we're on the road and we've got this really cool episode to

bring to you while while we're sort of out of town. Yes, I'm so excited because you know, we hear on ridiculous romance, that's us. We have focused pretty solidly on like individual affairs and triads and love triangles and divorces and marriages and just characters history, you know, pretty exclusively. But what is romance without sex? For most? For most, not for all? Many a sexual people are going it's great, great, fine, But I think you know a lot of us associates

sex and romance together as one thing. And you know, what is sex without a couple of toys? Something to spice things up a little? Yeah, give it a little bit of a bulls. You know, humans have been creating marital and masturbation aids pretty much since the dawn of time, and we thought it would be super super fun to have our favorite ridiculous historians Ben Bolan and Noel Brown on our show to talk about sex toys through time. Yes,

I mean you all know Ben and Nol. I'm sure these guys are not just the hosts of Ridiculous History, which is like, uh, you know, our our big sister show I call it. They also are the host of stuff they don't want you to know, Sercy Theory Show, which is one of my favorite podcasts I love. It's actually one of the first podcasts I ever listened to, definitely,

and it's fantastic. But they are also the great masterminds of what we've tentatively been calling the Ridiculous Universe of podcasts, of course, including the brand new show Diculous Crime Elizabeth and Zarin and if you haven't checked it out, so good, and there are more ridiculous announcements to come. But if you're here as maybe a first time listener like baby, you're a regular listener of Ridiculous History, and Ben and Nol brought you over here, welcome to the show. We're

very happy to have you. Yes, you have joined the ranks of all the amazing people that we have big crushes on who are our listeners. Um, but you know, please go check out our other episodes, because this is gonna be very different than our usual deal. You know, we usually kind of do a deep dive into either a couple or a concept or you know, somebody who fell in love with a thing like a wall or a sword, ghosts, pirates, all kinds of things, whatever gets

somebody off. We've we've had a show about it, so please do check that out. But today we're getting into dildos and radishes and all so weird stuff. But that's what makes today so fun. Um in fact, today and Friday, because this will be a two parter because you know, you get bet an All in the room with us, and there's just too much to say. I just can't shut up. Um, but we're so excited we got to hang out with our friends and just like pull out the craziest info we could find for y'all on these

bizarre historical sex toys. Yes, so hopefully you enjoy it as much as we did. Yes, definitely, So we got bet a nl here, I say, we jump right into it. Yeah, let's go. Hey the French, come listen. Well, Elia and Diana got some stories to tell. There's no match making a romantic tips. It's just about ridiculous relationships, a love. It might be any type of person at all, and abstract cons are a concrete wall. But if there's a story where the second clans Ridiculous role, that's a production

of I Heart Radio. Hey, guys, thank you so much for coming on the show. Right, I too am very excited and enthused, So I'm sorry. Yeah, we woke these guys up at three am and told them they had to come jump on the show interrupting, and I was like, can I can I bring clothes with me? I didn't get an answer, but I found I found a T shirt. Um, So I'm just not going to stand up while we

record out of respect for this. Yeah, but I know that we were massively excited first off, big big fans of Ridiculous room massively yes, massively excited, uh, positively vibrating with pleasure because this is a this is a show. Uh. One thing we love about Ridiculous romances, uh your ability to explore things in a way that we often don't in ridiculous history. When you agree no explore right? Sorry yeah, no, no, definitely this is going to be a journey of voyage

of self discovery. Uh yeah, I mean we you know, we try to keep it p G thirteen and honestly, like, there's no reason that the history of sex toys can't be Pg. Thirteen. I mean it's history. These are things, these are artifacts, These are historic relic sometimes sacred in many cases. Yeah, the history itself definitely Pg. Thirteen, us talking about it. We'll see. I love it though. Yeah, this is us. This is like me and Ben's chance to really let it all. We take you guys off

the leash, and we'll see what happens. Okay, wait, what do we is this? I trust you guys, Diana? Is this a is this a episode where we need a safe word? Or where are we at with that? You know, a safe word is always a good idea if you ever feel uncomfortable. Definitely, just you know, I don't know, scream at the top of your lungs hard words. That will be our safe word, right, hard is a great sad no potential for misunderstanding there. I always just preferred.

I think we've mentioned on the show before that I just think the ultimate safe word is just safe word. Why why or something? When you're like, look, safe word, it says it all. It's safe word. Safe word. You're done. I'm done. I'm not going to accidentally say safe word and passion in the moment if I don't mean it unlike pineapples, which comes up a lot. Well, yeah, kindly stop. Sorry, the safe word must be submitted in writing in triplicate. No, this is a question that I think is on both

my mind and and knowles. Uh, what are some of the like you guys have gone into some really um at times controversial territory for a lot of people. So one of the things that I think you always approach from such an empathetic human angle is the idea of people's sexual explorations, right, I think because we call it ridiculous romance, and you've had stories that are almost entirely

just just the romance. Right, But today when you you, when you all came to us with this idea of sex toys, I at least I can't speak for unial. I knew they were ancient because people have been into this for a long time. But I don't think I grasped, uh grasp whatever. I don't think I understood how like how intertwined with society, past, present and future these things have been. And is it true like are we at a did we just as a society get out of a period where these things were taboo? I have so

many questions. Uh, yeah, I think so. I mean, especially dildos particularly were vilified. At one point in history. They were very very common and awesome and everybody loved them, and then they were like, wait, do you think my wife will like this dildo better than me? And then they kind of fell out of favor with the gentleman. What am I gonna do? Learn how to be a better lover? That's it's it's remarkable how frequently male in

security shape's history. Remarkable, so remarkable, almost too much remarkable. Um. I also did learn too that because it allowed gay men, dildos allowed gay men to have sex without you know, without actually uh putting their own body parts in each other, they were able to have sex when they had HIV, and so they became synonymous with having HIV for a while as well. If you had a dilda meant you were you were like had a deadly disease, which is

very weird. But obviously that changed all right. Well, you know, they were trying real hard to make everyone very scared of gay people. Um, that's true during that period. So I think they were trying anything, and they were trying anything with stick. Speaking of sticks, speaking of sticks. Early on though, I mean, like the attitude towards sex was pretty la fair like I mean the earliest days, and then it went through the kind of puritanical phase and

then sort of his come full circle. Um in the modern day. I know we're going to get there, but why don't we take it back to like antiquity and like the discovery of the first mystical dildo of the gods? Well, yeah, we I mean we have been digging up dildos for a very long time, right, they think the first one humans, not us personally, we have been personally, We've only been digging up dildos for a couple of months. But humans have been doing your backyard. It's weird. I have no

idea how they got there. It was the oldest house on the street, they tell us, so there was nothing but farmland dildo. Everyone would hide their dildos in our backyard. No, yeah, human beings have been digging up dildos for a very long time. I think they found the very first dildo in a cave in Germany that dates back to the Ice Age, so twenty eight thousand years ago, and it's made of chalk. Chalk, I guess you gotta stay warm, but geez feels dry though, doesn't it like something like that?

Why would you want to put but you something? But I mean, I guess you're really desperate and the ice ages. But you could really leave your mark, chalk it up, chalk it after a lack of supplies. I don't know what couldn't lead It's a fashioned one out of like a block of ice, just kind of make it like smooth. I guess it would melt, but it would take you. Do you want to put ice like inside your butt? Because I can tell you I was not. It could be interesting, who knows. I mean it was the ice age.

They were very used to that feeling. Whatever. Isn't there another old one that was discovered? Um, I believe somewhere in like Syria that was like made of stone. There were like stone ones as well, stone, ivory, jade, probably bones. I imagine I feel like that's a that's an obvious one. Make a sure, um. And if you look up prehistoric dildos, they have a wide variety of sizes and girths and different foreskin like options. They even came with tattoos or

little illustrations carved in them. So I love that there was some art. They're like branded. They were branded, they were like dildo. They probably had a close personal relationship, you know. At I assumed that even in more uh collectivist early societies, there were still things that were considered kind of like your personal property, like hey, this like like a two shot, you know, or you know, or

your button plug or your dildo. Right. But by the way, I'm a mistake, I said Syria just kind of off the top of my head. It was Germany, I believe, where they found these collections of siltstone Germany. Some of these were like monogram Germany. The early four front of this techniu makes sense exactly of of anywhere in the world, where would you look for a dildo, but Germany. You listened to your show, that's awesome. So so there's another thing.

You know, Diane, You've found this in your researchens something that really stood out to me because you think a lot about not to get too in the weeds, so you think a lot about uh material science to put it in the lamest way possible, like, uh, it makes sense that there would be something like a smooth stone or ivory your bone, or even would that would make sense and probably have less of a risk of injury

or irritation. But what's up with the incredibly silly name The Holnest Boy b O. I by you, boy, and he's more a man than you'll everybody. Pretty pretty good brand name, but yeah, what's the deal with that? This is a dates back to ancient Greece, I believe, and

then carried over to some other adjacent culture. Oh yeah, they were stuffed phalluses and they were made of polished leather, and I guess apparently sometimes you would even find the stone ones with like a leather sheath, so they would be warmer and softer when there um, so that's part that was smart. I feel like they were really thinking about comfort at some point, and they were like, you know, while we're making coats and shoes, let's go ahead set

some aside. Somebody said, ladies, siltstone just isn't doing it for me. A lot of roughage about it, and they didn't work leather well. Speaking of chafe, the ancient Greeks would also use olive oil as a lubricant, So there goes your chafing problem. You just get that bad boy, that bad olives boy. Dipped in some olive oil. Literally that enters into the etymology of the word, right, does that all his boy referencing oil? I wonder if they

just I don't know. I always do this where I see two vaguely similar words and I'm like, they must be related. There's no way they're not. Pretty incidence because I believe this is the first version of this that was called this, then there were other cultures that used that that term as well. It makes me think of have you guys ever seen the movie Caligula? You know I didn't watch. Uh, yeah, it's it's it's a lot.

It was produced by the publisher of Penthouse and they wanted it to be like full front orgy orgiastic raunch City. But it's also like, you know, a really expensive, you know, period movie with Malcolm McDowell playing the titular psychopath Emperor of Rome. And there's a scene where he um, he uses olive oil uh to loop up his fist a thing. Yeah, Like, like, I've got the etymology because they're thinking of this as well. And you know, English being such a language of the

lazy and plagiaris plagiaristic people of the world. Uh, we end up with a lot of things that may seem like they are falsely related. But according to this all this boy, which is the funny one, is the plural of olibos, which is ancient Greek for to slip, to glide. You know, like that slipping slide commercial from the eighties, right you take a jump and take a die. Yeah? Yeah, I was like what and I don't know, Eli, you

and I are the olds in this conversation. Whereas yeah, where I as I believe olive is unrelated etymologically, but dang it again, olive exactly like a game boy this. I'm going to go retied to be with my olive boy. There's another interesting thing here. We're talking about the cyclical ups and downs of sex positivity for lack of a

better word, throughout human history. One thing that surprised me in the research here is that the Greek men, to your point about male insecurity, like the Greek men who would go off to fighting wars, were actually on board with giving giving an all this boy to their partners. Yeah. They thought that if women were left too long without an injection of sperm in them at some point, they would eventually get hysteria. Or something called a wandering uterus.

I know, it's a tough time around the house when my uterus jumps out and starts to start myself. You know, we get we always get calls from the neighbors. Us is loose again, you know, a little buddy. You just need a higher fence. I keep saying, I thought it felt a little lighter trying to find itself. You know, it's just trying to understand who it really is, Like

what am I doing? I gotta say that this this concept though, of like leaving the women with a dildo so that they wouldn't you know that u verses wouldn't wonder It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase left to their own devices. We have to we have to noculate you with sperm or else we will go insane, which is so funny and that I mean, it's noted here, of course, that hysteria and sex toys had a very

long historical link, mostly for women. You know, doctors would uh do a pelvic massage for women that would result in a paroxysm. Uh I was supposed to cure them of hysteria, and I bet a lot of women were like, yeah, I feel so hysterical today. I don't know, doctor showing me how I could do this maybe at home for myself when a hysteria just comes on. He's like, no,

I think you need a professional. Was this kind of like a like a slow shift, because it seems like at first these sex toys are purely meant for kind of you know, the most hedonistic of pleasures, um, and then it starts to be more functional, where it's like I am the man. I I you know, you are my property, and I'm going to give you this as

a stand in for me while I'm away. But then it kind of started moving more towards like being a medical device, right or we maybe we're not quite there yet, but yeah, I think vibrators more specifically, we're we're marketed as medical devices and dildo's were not. So I think that's why dildos actually had more controversy on them than vibrators ever did, because vibrators never really had Yeah, vibrators never really seemed to be a problem for people. They're like, cool,

whatever gets you steampowered thing and have at it. But like, but it was like a medical thing because ladies are so crazy they have to have something, I guess, But with dildos it was more about like actual penetration and men could use them, and you know, lesbians used them and stuff, so it became like more of a I guess I could see that. You know, if you've got something that vibrates, then the men, you know, well I I can't do that, So at least that's a different device.

But if it's just a dildo, I've got a perfectly good dick right here. What's the problem you want to you want to dick in you? I can make that happen. Yeah, getting a little more aggravated about the diage. This is a great spot for a break, so we'll be right back. Welcome back, everyone. So there's another question that I had that was a very I guess, practical question, Like, obviously a chalk like a dildo device to chalk. It sounds like it's what the person had to work with at

the time. But when you're thinking about people in the natural world, where there's not nearly as much technology as there is today in two as we record this, wouldn't the natural world already have some kind of like phallic thing you could mess with, Like I don't know, I'm I'm gonna make the laziest choices like I was. No, we're not gonna tell that story, Like, oh, okay, I'll say it. So I was in a grocery store during the height of the lockdown, will only go out from

necessses whatever be massed up and everything. And I had been out in public in a while, and the entire I think I mentioned to you guys off air, the entire grocery store was filled with a weirdly unnecessary sexual tension because people hadn't seen each other in a while. Everybody's got an aura of mystery because you know, two

thirds of their faces covered. And I was in the produce aisle and this, uh, there's a person there, and I can tell you much more about them who saw me, like selecting cucumbers for some stuff always gonna cook, and we're staring at me hard to the point where I just put down the cucumbers and thought, I'm going to cook something else because this is this person is reading this more into this situation than you know, my lay mass salad or whatever. And why I think of that?

You know, we like it's a troupe in it's a trope in so much Western Eurotica as well, like watch this person eat fruit or whatever? So did that play a role in like the history of sex toys? Most definitely they are like ancient texts like Arabian Nights that talk about fruit and vegetables and just any penis shaped object. But the best one I saw was from this Ming dynasty writer tout sung E And you know, we don't

speak Cantonese, but we try. Circa thirteen sixty he wrote about something called the Cantonese growing, which was a root sufficiently penis shaped to be used as a dildo, mostly by peasant women in the country rural areas. And interestingly it was also called an olspos, so they probably got that from ancient Greece. Imagine such a similar name. Yeah right, such a similar name it must have been. And the legend of this Cantonese groin is quote. In the pastures

of the Tartars, wild horses often copulate with dragons. Drops of the seamen will fall down and enter the earth, and after some time put forth shoots resembling bamboo sprouts of pointed shape and covered with small scales close together like the teeth of a comb, and with a network of veins, making them very similar to the male member. Okay, do you guys have teeth of a comb on your

diack to that? Well, to be fair, I mean not to get to you know, anatomically correct when there is a seam, you know, on the bottom of of of a penis that is vaguely comb like or it's like a ridge kind of things, zig zaggy kind of you. But yeah, the veiny part is always just you know, sometimes I get these sweet potatoes everything store that have

all these veins up along the side of them. It's very very upsetting trying to say sweet potato, that's a very sweet any of the produce section in general, you just got even wonder don't when you when you skip cucumbers? Where do you go? Because almost everything Well, it's so funny. The emoji is eggplant, which is the one I would

probably not turn to you in a crisis. And actually another ming writer named Lee you wrote a theatrical play about a lesbian couple who use a double at least so they had double sided dildos, like as far back as the thirteen hundreds. And this was a stick made of water ivory with two silk bands attached to the middle. I guess you like pull on it. Yeah, well you need a grip, right, something to grip on. That makes sense. So I assuming we I haven't seen these this play,

I have not said. I don't think there's been mounted in a while. Hasn't been mounted? Is it? Is it double sided? Like two heads to it? Yeah? They could. They were saying in this uh, in this UH book about the the main writers that female homosexuality was very common and considered to be a fine, normal thing, no problem ladies have at but male homosexuality was very frowned upon at the same time, which is so interesting to

me the gendered it sinks about homosexuality. It's interesting because there was also, especially nupper class, there was a uh, some pretty distinct sharp lines around gender division. Right, So you could end up being, you know, some wine of noble birth, and you're you're not gonna meet a lot of dudes who are not, you know, either working for

you or or your relatives. So maybe how far historically is this after ancient Greek and ancient he said, it's a long time, yeah, because I mean, like you know, in those in those days, the moment, I mean it was like almost like like cool, not cool to not be by or by curious or have like a stables were the one being penetrated. You had to be a tops only, which is so funny because if everyone is the top, then where were they putting it? And the way, guys,

what's a power? Bottom? Somebody explained to me, what a power? Have you not seen one in Philadelphia? And explanation? Okay, I'll just maybe maybe some ridiculous romantics. We'll get a we'll get an answering machine on a later episode. Yeah, but it wasn't just vegetables and fruit that people used. Um. Speaking of ancient Greece in a book called The Joy of Sexist Love, Lust, Lust, Love and Longing in the Ancient World by Vicky Leon, breadstick dildos were a common thing.

Were the bottomless? No? They all found the bottom? I think, yeah, I don't think any of us absolute. Okay, so first off, I always shot to Larry David. But the crumbs right like crocs? This is my first question, exactly exact. Plus, I guess you have to have enough bread that you would let one sit by get stale enough to do the job. Plus plus I'm thinking you bust out the olive oil, and there's a and there's a loaf of bread. I'm not I'm not gonna do anything, but immediately it's

gonna be gone black pepper in there. Yeah, yeah, no, I wouldn't. It's food is just gonna come before sex for me. Also, I have a real um not phobia, but I'm just sort of squigged out a little bit by incorporating food stuffs into sex stuff, saying I just don't think the twain should should meet. Like I don't even like like like sexy strawberry use that's just no, just yeah, don't care like inviting ants to hang out

in your bed and stickiness. He's already going to be stickiness eventually anyway, But that's how you know it's over. You don't want sticking this in advance, how you know we're done. Oh man. I also don't like the idea of putting yeast anywhere near your vagina issues down there.

But apparently this happened when at an ancient bakery. When quote a gal with time on her hands started four around with bread dough is like a loose woman hands right while lasciviously daydreaming, she created an a lissbo colics. The breadstick dildo the sex industry's first green product. Well done, well done, very important to be sustainable in our sex toy expliration. I'm sure that was her primary concern. Thousands of years people are gonna plastic waste. I'm onto something.

You guys are calling me weird, but just wait one day, we're going to want to get power from the sun. So yeah, this is this is uh fascinating because it sounds like it caught on and became kind of a cottage Indi Street, at least in ancient Athens. Uh. Yeah, there was a There was a note from that interview that Leon did with the Huffington's Post where she answered a question that I was a little too hesitant to ask because I'm one of the more immature people in

today's conversation. What happens to the bread after yes, you sell it for half price obviously, or you sell it for the price okay on fans, you could probably sell it. Fort were always selling their used underwear and there's someone for some crazy shit, you know, That's the thing there's always Leon said, these breadsticks were these oldest post colleagues, excuse me, were a custom made to fit and quote

even nutritious. Should the need arise different need arise? Yeah, it's like yeah, functional and edible nutritious though, well my question, I mean that's a that's a very broad term, you know, like a multi grain. So there was some kind of friction. Yeah, sure, sure, with or without right seeds. Dr Ruth is probably this I'm gonna go with. Well, it depends do you want

it ribbed for her pleasure? And maybe that's what the rides. Yeah, apparently there's a reference to using dildos in the playlist is Strata, which is about women who go on a sex strike to stop a warm So they definitely I wonder if they ever used Baggett's and like, I kind of want to do a production now they're like, well, like we're all set over here. Well, the war is going terribly, but our grain industry is just dominating. Time for a teeny weeny commercial break. We will be right back.

Welcome back to the show, everybody. Okay, I got I'll stop going back to the weird idea that people have to have quote sperm injections to not go crazy because there's there's no sperm involved obviously, right with I mean, I'm not a baker, but okay, yeah, just trying. But I suppose if you made like in a Claire, you know, uh, there might be something there. Oh boy, that's my nickname. I said it was Creamfield. I didn't tell you what kind of creamy, but I did sell you for no

refunds and you're welcome, so I did say. So we're we're looking. I think it's safe to say that, like, what we're already seeing is a long established pattern of people, honestly, people taking some agency for themselves, and people say I don't necessarily need another person and all that baggage that comes with it if I already know what I want, um right, and this this is a trend that content.

I gotta say, spoiler alert, uh for everybody listening. I am so excited to get to some poetry in a second, because I'm like emotionally nine years old. But but I but I think we've got maybe just something, just another thing to add in here beforehand, which is we've also established past the world of like so past the ancient world. When we're talking about a lot of this stuff, we're talking about people who are probably considered to be people

of means. I mean, history itself as we know it is is kind of inherently a history of the literate class because they're the ones who could write. So are I guess what I'm asking? I'm not sure how to phrase this. What we're rich people doing at this point, like using bread that's what the servants were for. No, but you're so right they I don't think they used as many root vegetables and stuff because they had money

to pay for nice things and um. By the time of the Renaissance, rich folks had Dildo's custom made from silver and ivory and gold and other like precious materials. So they had, like I mean, very valuable sex toys in their possession and probably beautifully decorated. Don't you think, oh you I would think that, yeah, because you're showing them off to the neighbors right myself in your bedroom and you're like, this one has is adorned with garners.

I'm a lady. There's a certain element of keeping up with the Joneses. Of course, toysium, I think really skip this period in history already. But I just wanted to mention something that I that I ran across, um in terms of like what the rich we're doing. Uh, there's a rumor. I think it's backed up with with actual findings, archaeological findings. But apparently Cleopatra would use like a papyrus

box full of live bees as like first analog. I saw a hollow gourd that she filled with these and that was the first legend says that was the first vibrator um, which I have never wanted to get off enough to put live bees anywhere close to my body. But if they seriously high road people, Diana, geez, Cleopatra

better than it was a different world. She had different things available to her, different things available, So true, Well, what mean yeah, if you feel us for words, I think you have perfect timing, my friend, because we're finally getting to a little bit of poetry. And what I love about this kind of poetry is that just like uh, Beethoven's really dirty songs about farting and stuff, it proves

that people back then we're not really different from people today. Uh. And yeah, in school we read about we read about the the high falutine noble stuff. But I I think I think sometimes we miss just how potty humor the human population is. I kind of compare it to like you think your dad didn't look at porn, but he definitely looked at porn, I mean, and his father and just and on and on through the generation. I mean,

that's very true. I think that's an interesting thing about history is remembering that people loved to have sex, people love to make jokes. I remember listening to a Noble Blood episode that podcast Noble Blood is very good, and she was talking about reading some people. She was like, historians take this story really seriously as this like leader being a bit to her like whatever. But she's like, it's actually clearly a practical joke if you look at it as a prank, It's just a funny thing she

was doing with her court. I have to remember that people did did play jokes on each other back in the day where it's fully stoic all the time and winning wars or whatever. Um. But yes, speaking of etymology, I know you're an etymology fan, nol, but the actual the word I do love etymology myself, But the word dildo came from our friends, the Italians. Thank you, thank you Italy. It came from the word do letto, meaning

to delight. Makes sense it and glide and delight the three things the double D sound is always just a fun It's a delight to say dil dodo. It sounds like like a real, real silly goofy thing. Yeah, so I've got to ask, so uh beat behind the curtain folks for years, always trying to convince our bosses to let me do an etymology show right in and tell them we should uh and that the four of us will do it. I'm volunteering everybody here. We need your help.

But this reminds me another another word that came into English usage from Italian is uh dilettant, and I think it has the same ultimate route right to do. So my question is, even though now we call dilatant, you know, we call the definition a lover of the arts or whatever. Um did it mean dildo people in the beginning, a lover of the dildos? It's people who had way too many in their dildo orium whatever. Like she has a

whole other room. Guys, why would I needlock I don't even have ad dildo let alone, MANI it would accommodate an entire rack. We'll be adding another wing onto the palace. But yeah, we have a really wonderful, hilarious body poem about kind of about the Italian influence here. It was by John Wilmot, who was the second Earl of Rochester, and he was apparently well known for his lewd poetry that he would write. And um, we pulled out some select verses from kind of a long poem called signor

Dildo that he wrote. That's that's Mr right, Mr Dildo. So yeah, I say, let's head on down to poetry corner and he signor Dildo by John Wilmot. You would take him at first for no person of note, because he appears in a plain leather coat. But when you his virtuous abilities, no you'll fall down and worshiped signor Dildo.

My lady southesk heaven prosper her fort. First clothed him in satin, then brought him to court, but his head in the circle he scarcely durst show so modest a youth was signor Dildo, the Countess of Foul myth of whom people tell a footman wear shirts of a guinea, and Hell might save that expense if she did, but know a lustier swinger is signor Dildo, who the pattern of virtue, Her grace of Cleveland has swallowed more bricks

than the ocean has will slant rhyme right there. I gotta get in credit that this has said Cleveland has sat. But by rubbing and scrubbing so wide does it grow. It is fit for just nothing but the senior dildo. Our dainty fine duchesses have got a trick to dote on a fool for the sake of his brick. The fops were undone, did their graces, but no, the discretion

and the vigor of senor dildo. This senior is sound safe, ready and dumb as ever was candle, carrot or thumb been away with these nasty devices and show how you rate the just merit of seeing your dildo. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. So I want to point out just two things real quick. First, dumb in that last first great read everybody wait three things, um. Second, dumb in this sense most likely just means silent, but

it works, it works very well. Yeah, congratulations himbo. So I also, I don't think we said this in the beginning, as we were excited about talking about this off air. Um Diana Eli. This is not the full poem. These are excerpts. Have it in the notes as select versus from this poem. My question is how long is this poem? Is he just likes pre television exactly. I had nothing

else to do. So this ship went on for like I think it was like eighteen or nineteen same any name dropped so many people, and I'm like, I hope they're real, Like were they here listening? Like are you trying to say that I have swallowed more pricks than the ocean has sand? So he's specifically checks people. Well, this is I don't know if there are real people,

but I think so. I think I think he is at least referring some because this happened a lot in uh in aristocratic circles, they would write stuffs are roasty, kind of like they would they would be writing stuff that's like, you know, they put a different name on it, but everybody knew who you meant. You know, you meant that slutty chick over there, you know, yeah, exactly, So

it was always like some under some shade. One thing I love about this style of poetry is it's so smug and self satisfied, like just like I'm gonna do the thing again, like at the end of it, you know, it's just like, yeah, like the fact that there's like the fact that there's so many more stanzas to this that we left out, just hammers that home even for uh right on the head. I am just so delightfully body and uh and hilarious. That's what this guy's doing. Yeah,

he was very proud of this poem. I'm sure very excited to share with all the ladies that he was talking about. It's like, hey, I put you in my poem. Oh my god, thank you? What man? You read it first? You should come to the show. I also wonder if the Countess of Falmouth was like, oh, so I don't have to funck my footman and give him nice stuff. I could just get me a little toy to put in the house. This this is also this is where we see like a turn. So it's widely accepted, even

though it might be a little edgy. Right. Uh, this guy's doing insult comedy tail as old as time. Right. But as as you guys have been telling us before, eventually there was there was a time where a guys started to promote uh dudes, I mean specifically started to associate when they ran a smear campaign against still those right, it's promiscuity. It's a v D. But at the same time, for the entire time, dudes had their their own toys, right and uh, Eli, I'm just I'm gonna have to

go hashtag no pun left behind because it's sincere. When you at the very top of the show said male insecurity because it's been a long day for me, I thought you meant a male hyphen eye in space security. Yeah. I don't know what to do with that pun, but I don't want to leave it out in the cold. So yeah, yeah, like a guard, some guard who can't uh you knows romantics, help us out. Just explain that

pun to us, the punt. So, uh, this is fascinating because we haven't talked about something that, uh is apparently quite popular. I feel weird saying it. I feel like my mom's going to come back and find me if I say this. Cock Rings, Yeah, but they're old to dude, my favorite I do one of my favorite MR Show sketches, like a fake commercial. It's like cock ring warehouse. Any cock will do, but they're like so bored that they're like, come on down to the cock ran. All the cock

ran new and used cock rings vintage. Yeah, I like it. I love that. It's hilarious, it's fantastic. But yeah, they are actually pretty old school cock rings. They have been around for a long time. Um part partly, I guess because of that male in security, because they're supposed to help you achieve or keep an erection for longer. So it's not kind of part of I guess that where they're like, I need something to like make sure UM given her the goods. It's about edging. That's the term

you're sort of keeping yourself. It's almost like a tantric thing where you're sort of like holding back. You know, you're trying to not you know, climax in two point

five seconds, right, trying to give it some time. There's a book called The Book of Kink Sex Beyond the Missionary by Ava Christina, and it says that in the Gin and Song Dynasties in China around a d D, they would make cock rings out of a goat's eyelid because it's already a circle of skin, and then they would leave the lashes on the favorite a little tickly.

Can I just say the things we've done to goats on this show, even when we went on your show last time for Valentine's Day, we put goats through Yeah, there's some goat vivisection involved in one of those rituals that we talked about. It was the goat skins a lot. The hell we had a guy marry a goat in a recent episode that we talked about that. But yeah,

that we just we're we're putting goats through it. Yeah. Well, it's part of a long history too of looking to the natural world for things that are thought to in one way or another enhanced sexual performance. Right, And even that even exists today with the various different unproven or disproven stories that say, hey, you know what, this thing is an aphrodisiac. I know it sounds crazy, but just let this guy slap you with a goat skin a couple of times and then come back and thank me.

Just come back, and this entire goats testicle, yeah, will imbute you with the power of the Why is it always the most disgusting, smelly, like unappetizing things that are like this will really turn you on. They're like otherwise it's trash. I've got to make it as a sex or something. Just do tend push ups today. You know, well there's a lot and they're like, no, I don't have time. It's going down in the next room. Just give me the goat, give me the goat cock ring.

Now you're right to. I mean, like, I mean, I think I love oysters, but they're obviously really unappetising. It was it was Hemingway said something like was very brave was the man who first ate an oyster? You know, like that's meant meant to be an effort. Yeah, I'm acquired taste, for sure. I do don't know about that. I don't know if I eat an oyster. I mean like, and I don't know they think about garlic too, but that's another one. I'm like, does anyone eat a bunch

of garlic and go yes? I can't want to mash my mouth up against hers. I smelled you across the room, and I knew it was a cloud. So you know, I'm a big believer in being honest and transparent about learning, and I'm gonna go out and say it. I don't care if I embarrassed myself. I not know that goat eyelash cockerings were a thing I must have. I must have missed that day. M p and I apologize to everyone. It was a whole day of health class kept nudging you,

but you were sound asleep. How would you fall asleep during that last stayed away for the etymology, but not this? So what we all? This also makes me think of um things that people have done, and this I do know about thinks people have done in pursuit of enhanced sexual pleasure. Uh, including what I would call minor surgery. Because guys, we can say this as dudes, We'll do a lot of crazy stuff if they think it gives them just an edge, just litch. Really you have this

covered there. But like you know, I mean the Prince Albert literally was created by Prince Albert. You know, you know it's obviously a piercing yeah, through the the through the urethra, and out the bottom of the of the head. It's terrifying prospects, incredibly chainful, not worth it, but I guess it is for some I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to yunck anyone's um, but you know, these are some of the ones that you you found, Diane.

I think are maybe a little more like impermanent, yes, fortunately, but still painful. I don't know, but yeah, there's this book called Woman and Historical Gynecological and Anthropological Compendium from and it's by Hermann Heinrich Ploss, Max Bartel's and Paul Bartels and they say that this goat eyelash cock ring thing may have originated in the Indonesian Islands and not

in China, so that's a little bit in dispute. And they also noted from various tribes worldwide sex aids like inserting a brass wire into the penis or putting little goal old and silver beads under its head, all right, and then binding it up with a bit of bird down to tickle the sex partner at the same time. Okay, folks, I'm out. You wouldn't put a silver ball in your penis for me? No, no, I don't need to hesitate on that one. That's just a flat no. Okay, Okay,

that's fair. I wouldn't ask it of you to be fair, thank you. Um. Yeah, so that was an option that you could do. Again, I think that's a ribbed for her pleasure thing, trying to make your dick more special, I guess, or something. I mean, sticking a brass why, I guess that's for rigidity that we're thinking, so you can kind of bend it into shapes like a paper clip animal. Oh oh wow, like a like a paper clip.

I can see how that would be possible. But I'm having a tough time with the motivation, you know what exact Yes, I don't know. There might be some people out there with very fascinating little giraffes they've built out of their dicks. Well, I guess I'll look at a gallery of it, but not for long. Um, yeah, well

I would. I would think also then that aside from those kind of traditions, we already see the idea of wanting to be associated with wealth like gold and silver, the beads, um, But what about did they ever move on from the goat eyelash thing? Like? How how much of history have I missed? I guess I'm asking was this was just like a thing that you knew about or like no, no, no, no no. I mean definitely I was aware that, like I think early condoms were

made of sheep skin. But that's the that's the degree to which I was aware of using animal flesh on your member. Um. But then you know, then you get into what was this the Burmese bell Burmese bells. That's a kind of the next the next level of this, right, yeah, this is another really interesting one. And this one to be placed either inside the vagina prior to sex or in the penis um. I guess it was like, yeah, yeah, it's very good for your vaginal health. Um. But they

were called exertion bell or Burmese bells. And this again we're in the Ming dynasty, so this is a lot of ancient Chinese, uh sex aids, I guess. And they were kind of copper or gold bell or ball shaped objects that contained the sperm of a mythical Burmese bird and apparently had to catch the sperm with like a fake woman made of straw. There's like a whole, yeah,

a whole complicated process to getting this sperm. And the Ching scholar Chao E describes holding one of these in his hand and he said, quote, I found that as soon as it had become a little warm, it started to move on its own account, and a tiny sound emanated from it as and as I put it back on the table, the sound ceased. Oh god, I hope the sound was like, oh, that would be fun. It

was like, I know what you're about to do. But that was the one like the bees where I was like, if something starts to jump around and make its own noise, I feel like I would not put it inside my body. Yeah. I didn't go there, Ben, I was immediately just thought this sperm is haunted sperm man, which some people would be into. It's true. Hey, I think we've done them

on this very show, or we will we will yeah. Um, well, Ben and Nol, we have taken a good bit of your time today and we're so excited that you were able to come out and join us. Uh and an absolute pleasure. There's so much more, There's so much more to talk about, and we're very excited you guys are going to come back and join us again for the next episode. We're going to be getting into uh, sex dolls and where they came from, the chastity Belt and the myths around it, um and and more lots of

fun stuff. Um. We didn't even get to take you guys to Speculation Station yet, but we will. Well, we kind of went into Speculation Station a few times without everything. That's okay, But again, thank you so much for coming on the show. Do you want to tell everybody you know, any listeners we have that I don't know you guys know where to find you? Yeah? Yeah, First off, I think we're I think we're both thrilled to hear that we get a second date with Ridiculous Romance. Things are

moving kind of quickly and we're into it. We know about the coat, eyelash rings about Yeah, we know about there we go. Yeah, if you want to, If you want to hear uh Noel and me on our show Ridiculous History, which we do twice a week, you can just google that or use your search platform of choice to find us wherever you find your favorite shows like Ridiculous Romance. You can also follow us on social media, not just as a show, but as individuals in that

right now. Oh yeah, it's so right, so right. You can follow me exclusively on Instagram where I'm at how now, Noel Brown Sabolan, Where might are the gentle people of the Ridiculous Universe find you? Yes, since the name signore Dildo was already taken on social media, I am at Ben Bowling hs W on Twitter, you can just you can find me at a sixty nine to slap a

sixty nine that was the first one taken Noel. You can also see People can also get a behind the scenes peak at some of this stuff we're working on for various shows by checking out my Instagram handle, where I am an abburse of creativity at Ben Bowling. Really really like that your your early adopter the internet. Uh and yeah, y'all, don't forget to reach out to the show. Let us know what you thought of this episode, any ideas you got for future episodes. We love hearing from you.

You can find us Romance at iHeart media dot com right or on Twitter and Instagram. I'm at Dynamite Boom and I'm at Oh great, It's Eli and the show is at ridic Romance. Yes, so follow along and don't forget to catch us. The next episode, Ben and no will be back. We'll be getting enough more of all this crazy ship crazy ship. All right, all, thanks for listening, Thanks so much, job see you next time. Right, So long, friends, it's time to go. Thanks so listening to our show.

Tell your friend's name is Uncle Sandance to listen to our show, Ridiculous roll Nance