Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio. Welcome back to the show, fellow Ridiculous Historians. Thank you, as always so much for tuning in. We are recording this on Thursday, April seventeenth, and we are pleased as punch to return to our continuing series on Wonders of the Ancient World. That's our super producer, mister Max Williams. It's him, yeah, also doing double duty as our research associate for this one. You're Noel Brown's bowling. That is what they call me,
yes outside of Vegas. Oh my gosh, dude, I was re listening to part two of our Paul is Dead conversation at the very end of that episode. Everybody, re listen back astute Ridiculous Historians. You will hear Nol and I refer to the fact that I do have a different persona in Vegas, which I feel like we need to clarify that I stumbled into it. As you recall, Nol, that's how you walk in Vegas. It's the only way to be. And we wish, wish the identity of Greg
Prime the best. We're not here to talk about Vegas, which is maybe a wonder of the modern world.
You're not allowed to talk about Vegas.
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, not to be broadcast or podcasts.
That was one of their big That was one of their like creepiest tourism mottos right for a while.
Yeah, it implies like, you know, go ahead do crimes. It's cool, we won't tell.
So if you get exactly just so, if you go to Las Vegas today, you will see multiple sort of homages too, great wonders.
The ancient world, like the what is it?
The there's the luxe, the luxere is what it's called.
It looks like a paramid.
There's a old tower. Sure, there's a whole Paris hotel that's actually pretty cool. Walking through some of those hotels is worth your time. It's almost like a Disney five kind of experience. You know, there's a lot of attention to detail. You got to appreciate it at least.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, And you don't have to be suckered in by the circus of Vegas, but.
You do have a circus of Vegas.
So there we go. But you do have to recognize there is a reason that this this thoroughly American metropolis puts so much time into building wonders, constructing the cons the wonder It is loosely, I would say, inspired by the very real subject of our exploration today, the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World. Now, previously we did I think a very fair, very level headed exploration of one of the most controversial wonders of the world, the hanging gardens of quote unquote Babylon.
Yes right, you know your mileage may vary as to where they actually were hanging.
Yeah.
And now we're returning to this series, and we're going to go a little meta with it in future episodes. But we're we're returning we as as longtime ridiculous historians may know, we're very close to our cartoonish goal of doing one episode per every state in these United States. We're picking up more continuing series. This is the second piece of our series on the Wonders of the Ancient World's looking through the research and learning from these ancient
primary sources. The one thing it reminds me of is the concept of amazing architecture in graveyards. What's the weirdest, most amazing graveyard you have visited?
I just roamed through one recently when I was in Philadelphia, I had a day off and I just took a wander around kind of the city center area, which is where a lot of the historical sites are, and just happened upon the graveyard where Benjamin Franklin is entombed.
Paid the five bucks to.
Get him.
Five dollars five five bones to check out the bones, and then you did get a little commemorative map. And I recently got a fun little mirrorless DSLR camera, so I took some graveyard picks and ada blasts. Oh, i'll send them to you soon. I'm gonna actually do a photo set. I haven't filled up my cards yet, but
it's pretty sick by the way. It's like it shoots in really really high reds, so you can take a picture of like a whole vista and then in post zoom into like the eye of a pigeon somewhere in the background.
It's a lot of fun.
I also wandered through the Philly Chinatown, which is worth everyone's time. But yeah, but Benny Franks is buried in this graveyard and I can't recall the name. And there's some other you know, United States governmental luminaries entombed there as well. But there were definitely some pretty ostentatious mausoleums as we also have here in Atlanta at the what's that cool cemetery.
Callge Well, there's Oakland.
That's the one.
Yeah, there's Oakland. There are a couple of others that I like, but I feel as though if I go too deep into this, I will sound creepy. I love I love a New Orleans graveyard. I love all right. You know, I used to live in Central America and they have a lot of uh similar things. There's actually if anybody wants to go on a rabbit hole, do check out in in Latin America. Do check out the various ostentatious burial places for former cartel members. They're as
big as condos. In some cases they're as big as houses. The architecture is amazing, and there's there's a peaceful thing uh to Maslimbs. But as as we are going to learn in this episode on an Ancient Wonder of the World, the word Maslim comes from a very specific branch of etymology. It all goes back to one of the wonders that people have a hard time naming at Trivia when they're playing turkey with their friends. It's the Mausoleum at Halicarnassus.
Yeah, and every time I hear it or read it, I want to say, that is Hella Carnassas.
I like that. I think it's good. I think you should keep that one.
Well, it's just part of who I am.
But let's go to ad non Kidlawie writing for art Nets. He's got a great quotation that sets us up for this.
That's right.
He says, among the seven wonders of the ancient world, the Mausoleum at Halacarnasas stood as a testament to both architectural ambition and one king's eternal vanity.
What kings with egoity?
Crazy?
They probably think this song is about them and this podcast, and it kind of is built in what is now Bodrum Turkey or Bodrum Turkey. This monumental tomb rose approximately one hundred and forty eight feet into the Mediterranean sky, about the height of a modern fourteen story building, dominating the landscape of ancient Halla Carnassis.
Yeah, so here's the thing before we get into the story of this giant tomb made for a guy who might have been a little bit into himself, Scooch. We've got we've got to give some context. Okay, so we have to go to the BCE era before Common era, and our first question there is, hey, Hallakarnassus. Halle carnass
is a weird word. What does that mean? It's in ancient Greek city, it's over on, as he said, it's in modern day Buldrum, Turkier, and right now, modern experts don't know a ton about, as Lauren would say, the actual facts existence of Halle carnass We know that it did exist. It had a large, pretty advantageous harbor. It was in prime position on the Sa routes if you look at it on paper, just like the Darien Gap.
Can I just say that the Gulf of Seramicus is not one that I'm familiar with, not a golf that I am aware of until now? And also doesn't that kind of sound like a name of like a place in like eldin Ring or something a little bit the Gulf of Saramicus. It sounds like a scary place.
It's more elden Ring than elder scroll for a sure.
Definitely, it also sounds like an elden ring like the creature would like scoop your brains out on one hand and kill you.
Elden Ring a famously non stressful, fun.
Game, famously too stressful for me to finish. And I will tell you, guys, I may have mentioned this not to go too off track, but I have found the perfect goldilocks zone of a video game for me that scratches all the itches, ticks all the boxes, and I'm just loving every minute of it. And that game is Monster Hunter Wilds. It's all the fun parts of games like elden Rang, none of the.
Head slammed against wall, frustration of it I know, and keeps all fining about. Oh I love it. I love it with all my heart. I got a joint, we got a hot monsters together, guys. It's a blast.
So a person who also like the love you have for Monster Hunter is similar to the love that some of the rulers of Halla Carrass has had for their their regional power in the world. One of their most famous rulers was a woman, Artemisia. The first she served under Xerxes. Everybody remembers him from the documentary three hundred from.
Yeah five hundred, I was wrong.
Yeah, Artemisia, The first.
Big on earrings, big on facial piercings.
Xerxys from the Docs, you know, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, famously accurate. I love the immortals in that one. I love the like the vague superpowers in that one. I don't want.
It's a fun looking movie, but it is a load of comic book Yeah it is if it was a comic book right and they did it, you know. I think it may be one of the only Zack Snyder pictures that I think suits him the best. Like it was not been a fan of a lot of his other stuff, but that one feels right for him.
I think he did a good job.
The historical Xerxes, it occurs to me, is a great pitch for our friend Ben Thompson over a badass he if he hasn't covered it yet, and as his Artemisia one very much a badass for her own right. So Xerxes with the help of Artemisia the first they invade Grease in about four eighty BC. And these are facts coming to us for our friends of Pretannica dot com. Again, with Royals, they tend to not be super creative with naming,
so we're not focusing on Artemisia the first. Uh, we're we're focusing on Artemisia Street named the second and her husband, Mauzuleus Soiler. Also, how Game of Thrones is this dude? Also her husband and her biological brother.
Okay, okay, no judgment, maybe a little judgment.
They just went a little olive garden with romance.
You know what you mean, unlimited breadsticks?
Uh, sort of when you're here your family.
Ah, yes, of course. That old chestnut.
Mazulus, according to Britannica, was a Persian sat trap set trap a governor.
When I looked at it.
On paper, it looks like a Persian strap, which sounds like a lot of fun. Though virtually they say an independent ruler of Kara Karia rather in southwestern and Toolia from three seventy seven seventy six ish to three point fifty three BCE.
And this guy. I love that we're bringing up satrap. It's one of those relatively archaic words for authorities, sort of similar to being a suzerain. This guy. Yeah, imagine the governor of your province or your state or what have you, functioning essentially as a small king. That is what mark and statures he's got a short king to short king Spring. He's got a short reach for sure,
but within his reach he has an iron grasp. Yeah, and we ben oh oh, well, No, the thing is this guy, slowly over his career as a despot, he expands his control to some surrounding areas. And then Mauzeleless just spelling this out so we can all get the etymology in a us l us he dies, He dies before he does all the stuff he wanted to do, and when he dies he's still a big deal. And during this time, as later occurs in different points of history, people want to sort of give the flowers, they want
to pay the respects. They want to build a cartoonish Vegas level doing a callback, a cartoonish Vegas level monument to this dead ruler.
Well, it is funny.
I think we've talked about it in our discussions over around stuff. They don't want you to know about the Georgia guidestones. If anyone isn't familiar with that, do recommend looking into that story and checking out our episodes. But the official industry term to this day for tombstones. They don't call it tombstones. They call them monuments.
Right, Yes, this I appreciate you pointing that out because you want to be you know, careful and respectful with the survivors of someone who's passed. To understand how this all this in the weeds geopolitics of bygone eras to understand how it results in a wonder of the world, we have to know a little bit about Masilus's financials. So him and his.
Bit of a big spender, a bit of a guy, you know, he was not.
He may have been brave, clean and reverent to quote the boy Scouts, but he was not thrifty. He and his sister wife a true term Artemisia the second. In particular, they spent tons of money doing their version of MTV cribs. With their capital overall, they constructed defensive walls, they made a Theata, they made multiple temples, they made other public buildings. We could actually despotism aside, we could argue that they were improving the quality of life for people in the capitol.
Yeah, they're definitely focused on infrastructure and public works. But of course, as you can imagine, these spending habits also extended to their private domicile and their personal shopping habits.
Let's call them. We're pretty outlandish and extravagant.
Yeah, and so it comes to pass. In three point fifty three BCE, Mausulus dies and when he dies, his widow, Artemisia the Second becomes the ruler of the land. And she says, I like spending money. I missed my brother or I miss my husband.
Little retail therapy, right, I mean, yes, exactly, I'm going to do the ancient equivalent of showing up to target with no shopping lists, just vibes targeageman marcus, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there we go.
Uh. So, she says, We're going to build this magnificent tomb to honor my brother or await my husband.
So to my boo, yeah yeah, my booth.
Hang. So to create this enormous, opulent structure, Artemisia the Second contacts the most talented, prolific, well known Greek artist and architects of the day and brings them to Hollycardasses.
That's right, we're talking about.
Of course, you already know Satrios of Paros and Pythia of prayin Prime. Uh the four walls of the structure in question here, the mausoleum is they're not calling it that quite yet, though, let's just be clear. We're adorned with these relief carvings created by four of the most famous Greek sculptors of the day.
That would include.
Scope Us, who was the artistic foreman. Let's just say, of the reconstruction of the Temple of Artemis, which the other want to talk about.
Yeah, we're going to talk.
About that in a future episode. And this is of course a thesis.
And those other uh, the other four sculptors sort of the beetles of the construction of the moles, which are are the Ocares, Briaxis, and Timotheos. Uh So, four really big names legends in their time. Spoiler alert, folks. As often happens, this ruler Artemisia the second dies and she dies before the construction of this opulent tomb is complete.
She actually only outlives her brother or her husband, Mausulus, by about two years, and after she expires, she is cremated, as was her partner, and the ashes of both spouses are placed in this tomb which is still under construction. So there are these big to dos, these big funeral ceremonies. There are a lot of sacrifices of animals, not humans, so far as we know. And the steps leading to I love the point you made what would later be
called the mausoleum. The steps leading to this memorial site are covered with stones and rubble to close off any untwold access to the interior.
Indeed, to keep out the you know, can't have anybody tagging this glorious testament to the greatness of these these despots. So to add an additional closing note on this part, Max mentions in the research, much of the building process is not one hundred percent known in terms of, you know, the actual methods that were used to construct them, which is often the case of some of these ancient structures.
It is, however, believed that the construction began it in three fifty three BCE, right before Masulus Is death, and finished in three fifty one BC, shortly after Artemisius death Artemisius is death. And yeah, it's important to say that while it's not known for certain, it is believed that much of the manual laver was were performed of course, surprise surprise, by slaves.
By It is believed. We also mean, it is true.
Have you seen that there's a really great little it's ft up? But the show's wonder shows and there's a little clip where it's these kids.
They kind of have these kids songs.
They're singing messed up stuff, and there's one where it's like, slaves built the Pyramids, slaves built the Parthenos, same built America. No, it's just like a funny little goofy kids song, but they're talking about how slaves built everything, and then it ends with thank you slaves.
I'm just I'm thinking of that beautiful song Fame where they just the refrain is someone yelling Fame.
Well, sure, that's yeah, David Bowie and John Lennon.
So next question, what did this edifice this? I mean, it is full of sculptures. What did this structure look like? We do have good news. We teased it at the top. Unlike our first episode in this series on the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, the Mauzle Limb at Halla Karnassis is much more well established in the historical record. We know exactly where it was constructed. There are primary sources with
direct first hand accounts of the tomb. In short, we know that it existed where and when it is purported to exist.
That's right.
Unlike the famed hanging gardens, right, So with that, let's get into some elder talk. Pliny the Elder to be specific, the Roman scholar who we often quote because he was a great historian, a great documentary cataloger of history, and he was also a naval commander. He provided our most detailed contemporary accounts of many things from this era, including the Mausoleum of Halla Carnasses. According to his account, the monument's base was nearly square, with a perimeter measuring four
hundred and eleven feet. It was adorned with thirty six columns that circled the structure and created sort of what you might refer to as a colonnade that supported a pyramid shaped roof made up of twenty four steps.
Okay, so ziggarat esque.
There you go.
Proof. And for everybody outside of the United States and Namibia at this point, if we could do a quick ancient historic inflation calculator or concurreacion and a dude, so four hundred and eleven feet is a little more than one hundred and twenty five meters, So this is very very big for the time.
That's right.
They're going large or going home on top of this structure that we've described. Was kind of what you would call the coupdi grav whole thing. The star on top of the tree, a structure known as a quadraga, which is made up of four horse chariot situations carved from white marble. These must have been glorious to behold. The chariots carrying figures thoughts to be Maziles himself and Ardimisia.
The second.
Yeah, yeah, very again, very modest, very humble. Nobody has problems, no one's going hungry or hoping for freedom. This is this is also as cold as it sounds. This is fantastic marketing and intimidation because if you were a ship coming into this beautiful sheltered harbor, you are going to see these sculptures as you approach. And the monument again it's it's Leviathan. It's a gigantic scale. People are figuring out how to build this thing in a way such
that it doesn't immediately collapse. So shout out to all the engineers in the crowd.
For sure.
The foundation is about two feet or i'd say like aboutzero point six meters deep into the ground, and they had to dig down into the ground because they were carrying two two thousand estimated two thousand tons of marble blocks in the construction, and marble also, of course it's peak opulence. It's quite expensive, it's not super easy to work with. These guys are still also, by the way, I think you would love this ridiculous historians. They're using
a lot of lead in the construction. They got lead dowels, they got iron clamps, but they're using molten lead to fasten these blocks together. And this is like nobody knows about the long term knock on effects of lead exposure at this point, so this is a revolutionary technique.
We did recently cite a study indicating that the IQ of folks from this era in this part of the world definitely saw a decline over time that was likely
a knock on effect of lead contamination. To your point, Ben, you know, it's funny when we're hearing this description of this mausoleum or of this grand burial monument, it really makes me think of a lot of neo classical types of monuments throughout the world, and even here in the United States, like in Berlin there's the Brandenburger Gate or the Brandenburg Gate, which it has these you know, horses on top very much seemingly inspired by this kind of thing.
And even in New York City or you've got the Grand Army Plaza where it's got this like eagle situation and a lot of this stuff, you realize was definitely a nod to some of these classical architecture.
I guess that's where neoclassical country.
The original version of the Washington Monument was something quite similar. And for sure, when I accidentally got baptized as a Buddhist in Salt Lake City recently yet accident, I was thinking of something similar. If you go to the Big LDS Temple there in Salt Lake City, you will see a top it a golden statue of the angel Moroni, and it's very similar this idea of sort of propagating visibility.
Look upon our works, and as we said, you know, they're pulling the brightest minds of their generation to decorate and ornament this monument. Each of the four sculptors we previously mentioned are assigned one of the four facades of the building. So to your earlier point, they have a bunch of like Baker's dozens of free standing sculptures. These are gonna depict battles between the Greeks and the Amazons.
They're super intricate, think like Angor Watt level intricate. Some of this spoiler, the monument does get destroyed, but some of the sculptures made it to the British Museum, including one that is thought to be a statue of the dead man himself, Mazuleus. However, speaking of humility and embellishment, know this statue is ten feet tall. I don't think Masulus was ten feet tall.
No, remember he was a short king. We talked about that. So can you go visit this then? Well, first of all, let's get it out of the way. I think it's clear. The term mausoleum, which we use to this day to describe large burial sites, usually reserved for multiple bodies. Oftentimes they are for entire families. You know, you'll have like different little slots within these mazle gums where various members of a lineage will be stored, kind of have them
reserved for when folks pass. The second question, now they've got down out of the way, can you go see this thing today? I mean.
Asterisk, yes, asterisk So uh, you are going to be unfortunately disappointed it's going to be a deeper disappointment than the first time I visited the famous London Tower, right and just cool, Well, no, it's cool, it's beautiful, and obviously I love the Ravens, I love the Corvids. I kicked up with them for a while for a few days. But the first thing you'll realize when you go to the Tower of London is that tower meant a very different thing free skyscraper technology.
I mean, so it doesn't quite have the wow factor.
Yeah, I mean it's understood bers Dubai.
It is not.
But this this is not to say that the Maslem is not a immensely impressive piece of construction, because it did stand the test of time for nearly two thousand years. Even Alexander the Great comes by and decides not to destroy it. Europeans in the medieval era would come by and they would see it and they would say, oh, that's cool.
That Alexander the Great.
Bit reminds me of the part in Batman where the Joker and his henchmen are like smashing up the museum and then he comes across a Francis Bacon painting that's kind of fed up, and he goes, wait, leave that one.
I like it.
Wait which which Batman franchise was that one Batman.
With the Prince And they're in the museum and they're painting and slicing up the paintings, and then they come across this Francis Bacon painting, who's a notoriously macabre kind of painter, and the Joker says, no, leave that one.
I love that. I love all the jew I love all the Joker adaptations except for one. And I'm gonna be diplomatic.
The one with the face tattoos.
Being diplomatic, but I think we're on the same page.
The one who's to use condoms sent to the fellow actors.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess he was doing method I don't know. It's super cool.
Sometimes people use doing method acting as an excuse to just be pills. Daniel day Lewis would never I'm saying anyway, the monument itself, it doesn't fall to human shenanigans, it doesn't fall to human villainy. It falls to the passage of the living natural world, a series of earthquakes between the eleventh and fifteenth centuries CE. So this is around for so so long, and even when it's kind of a wreck and ruin, people are still on board with it.
I mean, it's a lot of marble, you know what I mean.
Yeah, there's still some tasty bits that you can see.
So in fourteen ninety four, again ce Knights of Saint John go to the site, the construction destruction site of the mausoleum. They take these marble blocks, and the ones that they're able to recover and move they use to fortify their castle of Saint Peter. And they're able to do this. Marble is super heavy, right, but they're able to do this because the castle is nearby, and in doing so they accidentally preserve pieces of this wonder of the world.
Sure, and as they're excavating the site, they also accidentally happen upon a secret chamber that's filled with beautiful sculptures and statues. They initially believe that they'd found the actual burial chamber, but Mazillus's actual facts Lauren vocal bomb burial site remains lost to history.
History. Yeah, it's very just okay, now we know only ruins remain. Shout out to Osamandias, the Muslims foundations. The remnants of the debris they're at the original site right now. You will find more of an impact in culture than you will find in the soil. Similar to the taj Mahal. This is a gargantuan monument to one man's ego, and it's the reason, it's the reason that masolem is now a word for a very fancy grave.
Indeed, love a mausoleum. They're a lot of fun and they're also you know, very tim burtony. There's a certain kind of I don't know, Gothic spookiness to them, like I believe I remember, oh gosh, we don't talk about a Neil game anymore.
But the Graveyard Book was really cool.
And in the Graveyard Book, I believe of a mausoleum was sort of like the entrance and exit to like the underworld.
Oh sure, ghosts and haunts and that one.
Oh, it reminds me of the excellent Clive Barker book Night Breed. Yeah, of course that's the idiot. Yeah, the Graveyard City. Now, of course, as we are going to wrap up every episode this series are Wonders of the World. One of the big questions for our fellow gamers out there is obviously, should I build this wonder the Masolem
of Halikarnassis or the Moslim at Halacarnassis. Should I build it in the game, it gives you scientific and seafaring traits in some iterations, or it gives you culture and points for an artist thing. It increases your gold income. However, as a research associate, Max needs everyone listening to know SIEV six is really where the Muslim will shine.
Bright Ooh okay, so they've they've upgraded it a little bit.
You know, it's like one of the most overpowered wonders and Civilizations six because it has two abilities and each of them individually will make it one of the best wonders in the game because what it does, especially you have to build it adjacent to a harbor in a
city on the coast. So like, that's one cool thing that Day introduced in Stif six where it's like you can't just build things in random places, like you can't for the pyramids and tundra and stuff like that, which is like, okay, that makes sense, but uh so, but in other words, you have this one. You have to have a lot of coastal and all your coastal tiles just get beasted out. So it makes the city into
a super city. But it also gives you an extra charge on a great on a great engineer going forward, on all your great engineers going forward. So let's just say you have a great engineer like uh, Eiffel is one of the great engineers you can get who gives you a bunch of like production for building wonders. So like literally you can just beast out like three wonders with this thingale On. It's the most and some reason the AI never want to build.
It right, right, so it's advantageous. Now, of course we have saved clearly the most pivotal and impactful question for the end. However, we have good news, folks, this is not the end of the series. We have additional wonders to explore technically five. We're also going to have a little bit of a meta episode about what makes a wonder a wonder. We have so much more to get to.
To call back to Clive Barker, so many wonders to show you, right.
Yes, yes, very very l Raiser, I love it all. I love we Also yeah again we have a we have a meta episode on what makes a wonder a wonder? We can't wait to hang out with you later this week when we talk about another wonder of the modern world with perhaps some damning consequences. We're doing a ridiculous history of tupperware.
Oh my gosh, I love that tupperware burp hughes.
Thanks to Max Williams, a super producer who also served does our research associate extraordinaire on this episode. Huge thanks to Alex Williams, who composed our theme.
Big big thanks, of course to The Puzzler and the Twister. That would be the Devil and the Angel on the shoulders of our show. That's aj Bahamas Jacobs, host of The Puzzler, and that's Jonathan Strickland.
AJ joining us pretty soon.
AJ is joining us pretty soon. He's he's got some he's got some bangor research to share with us, and of course we can't wait to hang with him. Also, big thanks to Rachel Big Spinach Lance, the number one world expert on underwater explosions, which I still love being able to.
Say, yes, it's a very niche expertise and we're here for it.
And of course Chris rossi Otis Eves Jeffcoat here in spirit, and big thanks to you know, I'd love to I can't wait to see what wonders we explore in the future.
Oh, I thought you're gonna say, to see what my mausoleum looks like.
Dark. No, that'd be rude.
No, it's gonna be it's gonna be rad I'm already designing it.
Let's see you next time, folks.
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