Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio.
Elizabeth Dutton Zaren Fornette.
I've got a question for you, girl.
Always always have a question, I do, and I always have answers.
I got a pocket full of questions and a pocket full of waiting for your answer. Here's my question. You know, it's ridiculous, I do, I do?
What did you know that the Super Bowl for too blue? The Super Bowl is apparently the biggest chicken wing consumption day of the year.
I would guess that. Yeah, I mean, yeah, it may it makes sense.
It's like that, and like Halloween, I'm.
Sure pizza probably Also.
Don't you give kids Halloween chicken wings? Yeah?
You got a bullet chicken wings for all the kids you come by. You don't do that now, I give out handy wipes.
Anyway. That's ridiculous. That's that's it's so super Bowl for that's the yellow when you talk about football football, Oh my god, so much. You have no idea. So really you have no So the biggest wing consumption day of the year, right, and like, would you call chicken wings craveable?
Oh my god.
Now I'm just asking because I would not know. I'm not a fan of that word.
No, I don't think that's actually a.
Word, because like there's the craveable flavor of ranch and buffalo wings.
Now you're using it.
Yeah, but like what you know, we think of like ranch and buffalo wings and like our faces getting greasy, our lips in particularly getting greasy.
Sure, why not?
Do you know what else makes your lips greasy?
Producer day, please make your stuff. She's doing it to me again. It's what it's a mashupes.
Birds Bees lip gloss.
Did you say berts Bees lip bomb?
I should say bomb?
Okay, Well whatever my lip rub uh huh. So chickings, we have us a mash. I have a chicken wing grease lip roll.
Well yeah, okay. So birds Bees got together with Hidden Valley Ranch, which is a frequent flyer.
Does people have ranch to make?
The ranch folks and the cheetos folks need to just sit down for a little bit.
They take every call, They're like, hello, they'll.
Do they will do it. They're like shack and a commercial.
Yeah, no, we're free.
I will totally do it. Okay. So they have four flavors, Hidden Valley Ranch, Ranch, lip Bomb, Crunchy, Celery Fresh, Carrot and then Buffalo sauce. Oh my god, I told you it was four listen, listen to what I say. So anyway, it came out. It was released on January seventeenth. Okay, and you could use like a code to get free shipping. That it was a pack was like twelve bucks.
This is for the super Bowl.
Yeah, well, you know we're all getting ready and fired up. I am. I will not change my underwear for four months for the super Bowl for good Luck, because I love football over your team luck for too blue. So anyway, this all kicked off because they in twenty twenty two, Hidden Valley Ranch did like a April Fool social media thing saying that they were going to make lip Bomb, and then people are like, I love it. Do it?
Do their executives do like acid that the retreats, Yes, they just have corporate retreats. They're like, okay, we're gonna do mushrooms. Did everyone come up with a mashup?
You want to say January seventeenth? It comes out January eighteenth, Uh huh sold out?
How many did they make?
Oh? Four, no, barely.
They they didn't say how many. They made, sure a lot and.
They were all like, really, wow, this one sold out fast.
Does anyone ever use them? No?
I think this is the kind of garbage that you give to someone uhuh huh, and then it like sits in a drawer or it's on a.
Bookshelf or did like a birthday gift.
And then it's like you're cleaning your house because you've realized your life is like just a disaster. I need to write it up. Yeah, and then off it goes. So there are you?
Are you talking confessing a little bit here? You got a second because I got something that's also ridiculous.
Yes, I've taken all the seconds.
On that, okay, because you know what is also ridiculous other than your birch Bee's lip balm.
For too blue.
Your wedding day. Oh no, this we're supposed to say, but Saren, I'm.
Not married, Karen, I'm not married.
And then I say, no, not your wedding day. Your wedding day, like as in just anybody's wedding, wedding, like it's supposed to be this special day, any wedding day.
One's wedding day, one of the most second person and put it into the third one.
Listen as if I'm speaking to everybody. You your wedding day people, mister and missus America and all the ships at sea. Okay, it's supposed to be this special day, right, one of the most magical, loving days of your life. Elizabeth, Imagine if you tried to use that day to pull a fast one, or to finessa mark, or maybe to flee a fool. Maybe how about long con some gumbible normies, or better yet, how about this one. You use your wedding day to steal someone else's entire home.
Oh my god, you know what that would be ridiculous.
This is Ridiculous Crime, A podcast about absurd and outrageous capers, heists, and cons. It's always ninety nine percent murder free and one hundred percent ridiculous. Way first up, Elizabeth, I want to do the little housekeeping now. For those who don't know, Elizabeth runs an imaginary strip club where the strippers wear clothing and just fly around on couches, not really dancing or really.
Doing anything in like cozy clothes.
How's yeah, yeah? How are things that's lost is going so well? How's business post pandemic? Or how are the ladies? Oh?
Perfect? We don't let anyone.
In anything new going on in caftans for twenty twenty four. That's yeah, anything moves or a snuggy nonactive where I need to know about it.
A lot of down comforters this time of year. Well, I like to check in with great social distancing rules.
Yeah, what is it?
It's twenty feet twenty feet. Yeah, it's like from each other from the public. Overt your eyes.
Big space bubbles. What do you have a term for that? Yeah? Now, I know your business is purely fictional, but I do like to hear how it's going. I care of the market's treating you. I'm just a good American like that. I know you are, Elizabeth. It's an election year, right, and I don't want I don't want to talk about that. No, I do, really do all So instead, today I want to tell you about people who are stealing from weddings.
That's a mash up away, hard left turn.
I don't know where this is going lost, but well, okay, we're gonna talk about weddings. People who steal from weddings, people who use weddings to steal from people. We got both cons and today now, Joseph Davis, that's that's our guy, right, do you know him?
Not personally?
Do you know where law enforcement might be able to find him? Because he is not a good groom. He needs to be stopped before he strikes again, Elizabeth, This dude, Joe Davis, he was planning to be a bigamist. He wasn't there yet. He was planning, He was on his way, he didn't quite get there. There were two women who both thought they were his fiance. Yeah, so the forty eight year old, right, he's sharking around on the dating site Okay Cubid. This is like back in cubid. Okay Cupid, Cubist,
Okay Cubist. Yes, it's it's an art site. You gotta be a little little sideways anyway.
Hey Cubist. Such a good idea.
For a dating site.
Anyway, go ahead, Okay.
So twenty fifteen is when they met on Okay Cupid, and that's when he met the first woman to whom he proclaimed his love. Right, he tells this womany man, my name is Joe Brown. Nice to meet you, baby. The next year he's back on okay Cubid. That's when he meets woman number two. He tells, hey, baby, nice to meet you. My name is Marcus Brown. Oh he has two names, right. He was on it, you know, he was smart. He was like, I need two names, two women, two names, but both of them will be
mister Brown. So that way public if somebody says, mister Brown.
I can turn oh, I see you. Okay, it's like.
A Tarantino movie. Mister Brown. That's it. So this dude, not a judge Joe, but Joe Brown. Please call me mister Marcus. He romances these two women, right and at the same time for years, four years, because we're up to twenty twenty one when this story hits.
So at one point, though, what year did he start?
Twenty fifteen for number one and twenty sixteen for number two. He's strung um both along for five and six years.
Yeah, so he just like laid the groundwork with the first one when he felt like she could this could go on autopilot.
Then he went to the next. He's apparently a fast mover and a slow mover at the same time. So at one point, the dude he takes girlfriend number two to girlfriend number one's house. She's not home, of course, right, that would be weird.
Elizabeth, Well, I mean I don't know they so they let's establish the girlfriends don't know about each other.
No, they not know about each other.
I mean because I don't know how some people want Oh no, some people.
Roll that like that. But anyway, she's at work, and so he takes girlfriend number two around the house for it, gives her tour of the home and it get this. He tells her it's his house or no, it's about to be his house, right, And she's like, oh baby, this is great now. I bet you can start to hear the dateline music start to play in your head. What do you mean about to be his house?
Right?
Dah?
But I will I promise you the story is not going to turn dark and bloody. You know this is We're keeping this one in ninety nine percent.
Murder fat, don't worry.
You want me to tell you nothing bad happens to girlfrid number two a number one in that way.
Yeah, but he's still a sick o exactly.
He's still got Joe Marcus and there waiting.
Around the other woman's house. Are you kidding me?
So back to Joe, I'm sorry, did you say Marcus Brown? After he showed girlfriend number two the home of girlfriend number one. He told her it was his house. He's like, Yo, we're about to be his house. He goes bigger. He's like, you know you should move in with me, baby, stop it. Yeah.
She was like, for real, because I'm gonna go home and pack up all my stuff right, And he's like, oh, for real, for really, you need to come and she's like okay, And so she goes home, She packs up all of her stuff, she disassembles her furniture, she gives notice on her place. She's out there, she schedules moving days. She's out there moving day waiting for the truck to show up, Elizabeth. The truck never showed up. The day of the move. Marcus called her and tells her, baby, Baby,
I got bad news. The deal fell through on the house. And she's like, what do you mean fell through? What deal? I thought it was your home? And so somehow she skips past this, and if you can believe it, despite that little hiccup in their love story, she stayed with her man. She loved Marcus. Elizabeth. They've been together since twenty sixteen and we're now we're in twenty twenty one. That's five solid years. Meanwhile, girlfriend number one. She'd been
with her man Joe since twenty fifteen. Of course, right. She knows nothing about the proposed move in of girlfriend number two. Like I said, they weren't kinky like that, she went into polyamory, nothing like that. She was just living her best life with her man Joe. Now one day she gets this itch though, this nagging little voice that tells her that Joe may be playing around. I don't know why, but she got.
The idea Usten.
But she didn't have any proof, right, So she's like you, so what do you think she does? She's like, I can't come at them with no evidence, so she hops on Facebook.
I don't get on Facebook, but I will find the information.
That's what I mean. She was like an Internet special investigator, right, one of your people, Elizabeth, I don't know. After like seventeen minutes of Facebook sleuthing, she finds her evidence. And what do you think that evidence was?
His Facebook base?
Every friendly on the post she saw a photo of girlfriend number two. Okay, and girlfriend number two was wearing an engagement ring and a wedding band that looked nearly identical to her own.
And a wedding band. Yeah wait, that looked it. Yeah, did he give her a wedding band?
I don't know. She was one of two rings In fact, Nope, it was her engagement ring and her wedding band.
So he was engaged number one.
No, you're about to find out.
I'm so lost.
Yes, he was engaged in number one and engaged number two. The ring that he given to number two was a ring that number one had from her previous marriage. Thus the wedding band messy. So he stolen her ring and used it to propose to girlfriend number two, wedding band and all. She's like, whatever, here's two rings. You're like that is better than one. So girlfriend number one she runs checks or jewelry box. Indeed, the ring is missing.
It is her ring, so she now has proof. Right, so she her man Joe Brown has given it to girlfriend number two. So what is she gonna do with the evidence. Is she gonna go to him? No, she's smart. She doesn't go directly to old good for nothing Joe. She also doesn't go off full reality TV star. She doesn't things like a human being and like an adult Elizabeth. She plans to get revenge. Right, she goes. She contacts
girlfriend number two on Facebook. She calmly explains the situation to girl friend number two that they engage her ring and the wedding band on her finger belonged to her and so then also, by the way, the man that she is engaged to is also engaged to her. Therefore they are both engaged to the worthless, lying, trifling, no good bum that would steal a wedding ring.
Yeah.
She's like, that is bad news to hear, right. Girlfriend number two listens like I said, She's like, you mean, so you're telling me Marcus is engaged to you. She's like, no, no, Joe. And they eventually they figured out Joe as Marcus Marcus as Joe, and they got everything all sorted out and they confirmed they are indeed in both engaged to the Mary.
This same guy, jarkis George. Yeah, jarkis. Now for number one, she tells girlfriend number two, you should probably go check your stuff make sure he hasn't stolen any of your stuff.
Yeah, for number three, that's a good point.
So she runs, she checks her stuff and good old good for nothing Joe had indeed rob from her too. Oh no, So she then girlfriend uh number two ask girl forrid number one, do you live in Orange City, and then she says the address of the house that Marcus took her to, and she's like, yeah, that's my house. And girlfriend too is like I knew it. I knew that low down lazy ass had taken me to he had the nerve to take me to someone else's house. So they go back and forth. No, you're looking at
me a little strange. Yeah, you hear Orange City and you may be wondering, Saren, did this happen in Florida?
No?
Yes, yes he did. Eliza Florida going to Florida, right, So anyway, equally incense. These two women, these two score and women, they're about to drop their wrath and so they decide let's team up on them, so they get their revenge together. They go to the cops. They tell the cops all about Joe Marcus Brown, his sticky fingers, his free loving way. One of the fiancees she recalls this addresses. She's like, wait, I think he told me
his cousin's address, or no, it's his niece. Right, So then the cops are, oh, he tell us the address. They contact the people who live at the address, They find his sister, his sisters like they show they have like local cops show a picture like do you know this man? She's like, oh, yeah, that's that's my brother, Joe Louis Davis. And they're like, Joe Louis Davis. Oh okay, So now they have his real name. Other than that, the sister was of no help. She's like, I don't know where he is.
Yes, Joe Louis Davis.
But no other meaningful assistance. Right, So the cops are like, okay, what are we gonna do? But they have his real identity. So now the the Lusa County Police and Sheriff's departments, they put on an alert for this suspect, and the check law enforcement databases, they discovered Joe Louis Davis quote had a record as a convicted fellon out of Oregon and North Carolina and has an active arrest warrant out of Oregon for a hit and run crash with injuries.
Oh god.
Not only that, he also had prior arrest for cocaine possession, filing a false police report, and possession of a fictitious ID. Oh lome all around class act. Right, But this is my favorite part from a booking in twenty fourteen the intake officer at the men's holding. They noted that Joe Louis Davis had a notable tattoo, because you know they take down your tattoos for identification. On his forearm was a big cross and the words only God can judge me.
Boy.
Now, I can find no records that Lewis Davis has ever been caught or convicted. Perhaps with his pension for fake id's he's still out there somewhere on the run, still the subject of God's judgment, ignoring the legal opinions of us are mortals.
Only God can judge him, and God's.
Judging rate judging heart by the way, you need that tattoo?
Yeah no, anyways, but let's take a little.
Break and after these messages, I'll tell you about the couple that stole a dream home for their dream wedding. Elizabeth Sar, What do you know about the International House of Pancakes?
International House of Pancakes? They serve pancakes?
Can we talk about I hop from don't they go by I hop Yes, that's what they changed their name.
Yeah, I've been there. Okay, I like a good pancake, you do, right, sure?
Well, much like me as a kid, I'm sure you did dream of going there.
Well, I don't know if I dreamt of it.
Did you ever con family members into taking you there? No?
They have all the different flavors of syrup right.
Yes, strawberry, blueberry. But oh girl, have I got good news for you? Okay, the rudy, tooty, fresh and fruity is back.
Stop it. Yes, I don't even know what it is, but I love it.
I got even more good news. For just seven dollars, you can enjoy two fluffy buttermilk pancakes. I know you like those, And you can also get your choice of not one, not two, not three, but four fruity toppings, thus the rudy and the twoty. You also get two eggs your way, along with two strips of bacon crispy just the way you like it, Elizabeth NA or sausage links if you're leaning that one.
I kind of want to have breakfast for dinner now, yeah, right.
I do love just putting ideas in your head, but like you have the whole idea of like pancakes from around the world. I mean, yes, they had French toast and they had the Belgian waffles, but you know, they they had Swedish pancakes, German blintzes. Do you remember this?
Not really?
Okay, well they don't have that anymore. No taste change, Elizabeth, carbs, you know whatever things. Yea, So people now they have a Mexican trace let chest pancakes. Oh, interesting, have cinnastack pancakes.
Where's that from?
I don't know, double blueberry cinnistan cupcake pancakes.
They also cupcake pancakes, yeah, like.
With the little sprinkles and stuff. Oh yeah, and New York cheesecake pancakes. If you're into the whole fitness thing. They also have strawberry banana protein pancakes.
But if you're into the whole fitness thing, you are not having breakfast.
Well they also have if you're like me or a six year old, they also have chocolate chocolate chip pancakes.
Chocolate chocolate.
Yes, it's chocolate pancakes with chocolate chip, not the old chocolate chip.
It all has to be excessive.
Well I will go there with or with you, Elizabeth.
All right, maybe we can have it catered into the studio.
No, I just want to let you know, like no one paid me to say any of this. I'm just a rudy, tooty, fresh and fruity kind of guy.
Yeah, you kind of are.
I'm pro pancakes.
You're a little bit rudy.
I want people to be happy, and that's what I hop is waffles.
Waffles are good too.
Did you know you can get I Hop syrup delivered to your home. Let's right now by the gallon. But no, that was on Reddit. This guy bought a gallon, but you can get twenty four ounce containers delivered to your home.
Interesting.
My point, Elizabeth is I hop You got.
My point is now I want pancakes.
I do actually have a point about this whole I Hop thing. It's I hop airs like the heirs to I Hop money.
Fortunes, like Air Jordan's.
Like rich kids who are adults, but they act like kids because they have I Hop bucks.
Okay, the the scions.
Of zions of wealth. Yes, there you go. One of them lives and you guessed it Florida. His name Nathan Finkel, Nathan Finkle. Yes, this story also takes place in twenty twenty one, not related to the previous Florida story. Just a hot year for marriages.
You know what's interesting is that for Thursday's episode, I too am doing a compendium, and I too have things that took place in the same year, but no connection. Wow, we're always on this weird wavelength.
I know you vibe with me.
I vibe with you, totally vibe.
So this cat his name Nathan Finkel right man. Does he have a nice home? All right? This property that he lives in or owned at the time sixteen thousand square feet.
Wow, this is huge compound.
Had a grand ballroom but not just that, had a dance.
Studio, he's five six.
It had a movie theater.
Oh wow.
It had a two lane bowling alley. It had a two story gentleman's bar. Wait, gentleman's bar like with lots of wood, yes, exactly, but but more wood. It had an elevator because why not lighted tennis court if you're in to that, like nighttime.
Tennis, that'd be fun night time tennis.
New one. But there's also a huge pool in hot tub, because you got to have a huge pool in hot tub, long rolling lawns, gardens everywhere. You would have loved it, right, little ponds with scenic walkways and get this. There was also like an entrance trail that leads to the house, super long entrance traiale. The home boasts all these stained glass windows. You would love it. Twenty nineteen, the home was listed for sale for five points seven million dollars
just seal. Nowadays, I think that same house is a few years later post pandemic would be I think ten trillion dollars. I think, because I didn't look it up.
But he goes much mill I don't know. I won't get you that. In California, you.
Know, you get a three bedroom home right in and see you.
Know, you get a cute little bungalow exactly.
So this dude, Nathan, he buys his mansion with his father's millions because his father made all of his money as an early in franchisee with IHOP. Oh yeah, now do you see what an international pancakes for?
Ye yes, I mean here we're cracking up about the home price and I'm laughing in home rentershit.
Both of us. Anyway, one day, this guy he dropped by the Finkel mansion, right, and he was there to attend an open house because the house was being listed for sale. Right. So he's having this open house having people come through and say, oh do you want to look at my two story gentlemen, bar this could be yours right right? And then he acted this guy who stopped by in the house. He acted like a prospective buyer. He took the tour of the home, the surrounding grounds,
whatever he saw. It just stuck with him because he decides, I want to get married here, right. So a few months later he phones the family. He's like, finkeels, Hi, I came buy the house a couple months back. I was wondering, would you mind if like one hundred and fifty or so of my friends and family used your mansion for a weekend wedding. What do you say?
Huh? Well, I mean there are people who rent their homes out totally, a.
Lot of them right, especially out here in California, but they can't afford their homes, so they're like, help us afford the home. So anyway, Finko reportedly listened to the man's wedding plans. He's like, oh, you want to use the house? Okay? And how many one hundred and fifty people? And he's like absolutely not, No, don't ever come your hair again, No, don't call me right. So the groom,
though Elizabeth undaunted. He's like, this is just a mere stumbling block, a speed bump, if you will, on the road of my dreams. A dream had been born that day, Elizabeth, when he took that tour. He had to take his wedding there. He could be anything else to be unsatisfactory, right, I mean you got to see this place. Look at this place. Wouldn't you want to get married here if you were into unchecked opulence and gagging displays of wealth? Like,
how would you describe this home? It's just it looks like something somebody like.
If a mcm was like tumorous and then just kept expanding and carbuncles? What is the what in the whatting glass? Like?
Just it's huge, right, it looks.
Like a dreams because here's the thing, like, how many people are living in this house?
I don't know. I think there's only a family, Yeah, exactly.
And this you think of all the people that could be housed in this complex, it's like the size of a hotel. This is such waste. This is why we this is why I can't have nice that home.
You just need to start, you know, an I hot franchise.
This is so ostentatious and it's so it's just wasteful.
Yeah, insane, right, but.
Because think about the heating like HVAC for that, or the lights, the water bill.
Oh yeah, good point. In Florida, it's muggy, so you're running air conditioning twenty four to.
Seven sometimes, and you've got you've got the pool. And think of all the maintenance people, like they're not cleaning their own house. They have housem while they are like supporting the economy. I suppose God the cost of that. I wonder he's moving well.
Cut to April seventeenth, twenty twenty one. The bride and groom have opted for an early afternoon wedding. They've selected three thirty PM as the time for their wedding. The invitations they send out tell their guests to please join them at the Wilson's Estate, which is the name of the groom and soon to be the bride. They casually referred to this as their home right, so as it reads, it is quote, it is our honor to welcome you into our dream home and estate to share this special
occasion with us. We are excited to celebrate our wedding night with you and look forward to a wonderful evening of celebration, exquisite feast and dancing at our royal extravaganza.
It sounds like royal medieval celebrate our wedding night with you, Like, whoa up here? I'm there for the ceremony of the reception that I am out?
Yeah, which one of us is the lord of this land? So the wedding invitation brought, Elizabeth. They promise that following the ceremony, guess would be ushered inside for quote a red carpet cocktail hour. Whatever that is.
Well, and think about it, like if you know this person, Like if a friend of mine gave me this invitation like this and said it are at our home, and be like, who are you fooling? Like I don't know any of them who lives in a house? Like that.
You secret, Elizabeth when the lottery didn't tell me. So this, by the way, after the red carpet cocktail hour, that would be followed by a reception proper and the party would keep on rocking until two thirty in the morning. So don't come a knocking. But that wasn't the end of the party, no, sir, because guests were invited back
to the Wilson's estate. The next day, for quote a wonderful Sunday brunch that would feature and I quote delicacies from our renowned chef on our resort style pool, while being entertained by the sounds of a live jazz band.
The reason why no one's like, how did you kiddl.
You guys can could afford a jazz band. So the reason why the soon to be Wilson's were going out all out on their big day was that they wanted to mark the specialness of their love story. You see, Elizabeth, the soon to be newlyweds, they met back in high school. They were in the same graduating class. Both were jocks. She was quote very focused on pursuing her dreams of a college scholarship, and he was a football player and
something of a bad boy. So, you know, their roads diverged in the woods, and over time, these two crazy kids, they drift apart, They lose track inside of you each other. However, fate stepped in, played a hand, and thirty years later they're now in their late forties. Somehow, some way, they found each other again. Sarendipity, Elizabeth. They called it, quote the Lord's plan now to bring the soon to be
newlyweds back together, to quote the couple. Nevertheless, as fate would have it, we were divinely reconnected after thirty years. I had just ended a five years relationship and he a twenty year marriage. Now, God truly works in mysterious ways.
Listening, judging. He's out here finaggling relationships.
It's remarkable, it's amazing. And then there's a little thing called a pandemic that offered up a speed bump to their relationship in God's plans, but it didn't prevent their love from growing and deepening. Finally, on Christmas Eve twenty twenty, he proposed to her. As she recalled in the wedding invitation, he took me and the children out riding to see Christmas lights when we stopped for pizza at al Capone's on Hollywood Beach.
Stop the invitation.
Yes, but it gets better, Elizabeth. She goes on to say, he asked me to take a photo with him. Well, he was secretly planning to propose in the snapshot. What a magical moment. You're there in the al Capone's Pizza place in Hollywood Beach, Florida.
Was wonderful.
God had more and sore for them.
It's not even just that he proposed in the Alky Pizza in Hollywood, Florida. She puts the story in the wedding.
Oh yeah, but that's not all. There's more going down in the al Capone's Pizza I need because they're in the al Capone's Pizza place in Hollywood Beach, Florida. God spoke to them, you see. According to the couple, that was the moment when quote the Lord had revealed to me the purpose of our encounter and answer to my prayer. All that was left to do now was for the couple to get married. So when he asked him, Finkel had said, no, they couldn't use his mansion as a backdrop for their sainted.
Lovers, even if the event catered by Alcone Pizza. And I'll let you be there like al Capone.
Are you sure? Have you tried it in Hollywood Beach? But that cat Finkle, he didn't understand. Like the Blues Brothers, this couple was on a mission from God and they were going to get married at this mansion. Whether he liked it.
Or not is certainly God and like it is Christ's like behavior to steal someone's home, very Christ.
Like he was known for that and walking on water. It's like the two things. So I don't know if that was part of the plan God revealed to them and al Capone's pizza place in Hollywood Beach, Florida, it might have been. I wasn't there. Anyway, The couple plans their wedding, Then they arranged catering. They hired the live jazz band I imagine or whatever. Then lastly, they invite all their friends and family to join them at the finkel Mansion or say the Wilson's Mistakes for their big day.
Now smash cut to the morning of the ceremony. The groom and his bride arrive at the Finkele Mansion. I guess they planned to prepare the site for their wedding, but they were surprised to find that the house, although listed for sale, was not unoccupied, not like the groom had hoped. Instead, someone was home, and that's someone was the home owner. Oh No, Most importantly, he had not
heard anything from God about this wedding. So let's go there now, Elizabeth, Oh, Elizabeth, I'd like you to close your eyes. Picture is It's a lovely April day in Florida. There's a slight onshore breeze that's blowing the fragrance of flowers through the air. There's that soft throb of insects in the distance. Occasionally a seabird takes wing and flies up into the sky, which at the moment is a
light blue. But since it's floored, the skies and the weather could change in any moments, so don't get too attached to it. But right now it's an idyllic April morning. You are in the town of Southwest Ranches. This Miami suburb is located north and east of the sprawling city. It's up there on the eastern edge of the Everglades where the land once again turns sandy and dry. It's called Southwest Ranches to honor the many horse ranches in
the area. There are countless equestrian trails that run throughout the suburban, semi rural yet upscale development. It's a relatively newtown, by the way, It was incorporated in two thousand, if you were wondering, Oh, that's when the people elected their first town council, led by Mayor Fink. That's Mayor Mecca Fink, along with Vice Mayor Dollar that's Johnny Dollar like the old RADI show. The other council members are Astor Knight,
Forrest Blanton, and Freddie Phisickelli. These names right, they sound like it was founded, but it was written for a mystery novel in Florida total. Anyway, Southwest Ranches is a Florida development, if ever there were one, and also for such a small area in a rural place, the town boasts a very super interesting list of notable people on
its Wikipedia page. For instance, there are a number of former and current NFL stars who live there, like your man Tyreek Hill of the Miami Dolphins, also former Indianapolis Cults great Reggie Wayne and former Minnesota Viking quarterback Dante Culpepper, but also the Rock Dwane Johnson, and perhaps most notably, the former television psychic Miss Cleo.
Wait so the Rock and Miss Cleo.
Also, all of these people have called Southwest Ranches home at one time or another, and at the moment, so do you. Because you are a bright white bird, the western cattle egret, you are a type of heron. You're a white feather, but you also have brilliant yellow feathers for your plumage stock. The fields and streams of Florida, picking off insects between the hoofs of the cattle as they graze, or you hop up on their backs and
nab ticks from their hides. You migrated to Southwest ranches from your old home and the dry tortugas off the coast of Florida. The cattle here are good for a steady diet of bugs and grubs. Anyway, you're presently standing on the back of a cow as the gentle beast grazes at the fence line. Standing there just across the street from the gate to the Finkle Mansion. You are not picking ticks at the moment, though, because you have
a show. A car pulls up and a man in a rented tuxedo and a woman in a wedding dress get out. The man tells his bride to wait at the gate. She sits on the hood of the car while he attempts to pry open the tall gates to stand guard at the driveway or the Finkle mansion. You're like, what is going on here? The Finkel Mansion is one of the most impressive spreads in the area. The place has great bugs, and today it also offers up a great show. You watches the groom tries to figure out
a way to pry open the gates. You have serious doubts he can do this. Then so does the bride, it seems anyway. You spy a golf cart approaching from the main house. Oh man, man, it's about to get good. The tuxedoed groom is still attempting to open the gate. He's got a screwdriver and he's shoved it between the two tall iron doors of the gate, and he's trying
to force the lock open by hand. The wannabe groom pauses when he and the bride both spot the golf cart bearing down on them from the other side of the gate. You spread your wings and take a quick few flaps, you know, just to get a better view and to be able to hear everything. Because it's about it get so good. You land on the fence that runs alongside the gate. The golf cart pulls to a squealing stop. A late middled age man hops out. He's dressed in white slacks, a golf shirt, and a sweater.
He looks like a character from like a nineteen sixty sitcom about the wealthy. The tuxedoed groom greets him, good afternoon, sir. Just what do you think you're doing? The man replies his words, they come hot and fast, getting married today. It's a blessed day. The man answers, what about you? I own this place, This is my home. What do you mean today?
If it's today?
What are you two doing out here? You shouldn't you be in a church? The homeowner shouts back to the gate, We say where, we're getting married here? The wannabee groom helpfully planes the homeowner. He may be dressed soft, but he talks tough wear here here, here, No, no, no, you two are not getting married here. This is a private residence. You are loving this. This is like a Fellini film set in Florida. The groom responds, His voice is calm, almost too calm. No, you see, we are
getting married here today. We didn't think you were home. Would have been much easier if you weren't here. But if you'd like, we'd love to have you join our wedding. The golf lover, he looks at the bride on the hood of the car. Is he high? What's he talking about? If you could laugh, you would, but instead you just got a bird chuckle to yourself, and the homeowner says, you and people need to leave, and the groom he ain't hearing it. He just says, no, you see, you
don't understand. It was God's message that we be married here. God spoke unto me and he said, I don't give a tanker's damn what God said. I'm calling nine to one one. Homeowner shouts back, and with that he whips out his phone and indeed phones nine to one one operator answers. Homeowner tells the emergency operator. Yeah, hello, I have people trespassing on by property. They keep harassed. They're saying there they're having a wedding here, and it's God's
message and I don't know what's going on. All I want is to stop. And they're sitting at my property right here at the front gate. Yes, right now, please send police. You flap your wings again, lift up and then gently land on the other side of the gate. You gaze down at the wannabe groom. You look over at the bride. You look back the groom. He should be embarrassed or annoyed something. Instead he's just smiling. He looks back. You'll see it's God's plan that we're gonna
be married here. You'll see. Don't you worry, baby, We're getting married here now soon enough patrol car rides. Two officers step out, have to tell the wannabe groom and his wannabe bride they will indeed be no wedding at the final mansion. SI's no, no actual trespassing. Accurd Elizabeth, your fraudulent wedding occurred. No charges were filed against the
wannabe groom or his bride. Now, if you're wondering what the groom had to say after God fell through for him and the wedding planning, the Miami Son Sentinel caught up to the disappointed groom and a reporter asked him for comment. He said, and I quote, I don't want
to talk about it. The Miami Son Sentinel. They also followed up in the couple's nuptial plans the courting to the Broward County Public records, there was a marriage license issued to the couple for that wedding weekend, but the following weekend there was no registration of a marriage So speed bumping anyway?
Does she know?
It?
Sounds like she didn't know that it didn't.
I think she knew that's a little maybe they were waiting a new venue from their divine wedding planner. I don't know what's going down, but anyway, let's take her a little break and I'll be back with another wedding tale. This one will melt your mind. I swear to God, because this time it's the bride who gets stolen. Elizabeth Zaren, We're back.
Hi.
I almost didn't tell you this one. Oh yeah. I was like, is this story too insane? He driving miss daisies for even Elizabeth?
Really?
Oh yeah? And then I thought, well, what would Elizabeth say? And I was like, oh, she would say who knows?
Who cares?
I was like, oh, I'm doing it, so buckle up, Buttercup. It's about it all kinds of weird. All right, here's the headline. I'll just tell you the headline. I was stolen, so my real dad and my abductor walked me down the aisle. I.
Oh, I'm breaking it down right now. Give me a second.
Okay, doing the math on that one happened? Yeah, that's one too many dads, so I can pay in the aisle.
I'm stuck on. I was stolen, Yes, that's what we call it.
Yes, and the abductor being invited to the wedding. Anyway, So the story goes, this bride wanted the husband of the woman who abducted her as a baby to be able to walk her down the aisle because he'd raised her and he was a good.
Father husband of the woman who her Okay, yeah.
He raised her as he basically was her father as far as she knew for all.
And he didn't did he know she was abducted?
I couldn't shut from the news stories. I would find it hard to believe he didn't know, Like, how is it that your wife is not pregnant and suddenly she comes home with a baby.
Maybe he was like his daughter, Maybe he thought.
That maybe he was working on an oil Derek and he came home nine months later.
Were they married when she abducted the kid? Because something in like what if she abducted them? And then a year later is like good point he meets and marries him and he has no clue.
Well I'll tell you this much. Okay, she the daughter wanted him there, so we're just going off. So yeah, well yeah, anyway, this isn't old news. This is from twenty twenty three. Oh yeah, and this happened in South Africa. The bride's name is Mika Zephanie Sheldon. I love that name, Zephanie Zephanie. Anyway. She's twenty six at the time and from Cape Town. She selected an autumn wedding for herself. They were to be married on March twenty first, a Hemisphere. Yes, okay.
She'd been involved in a long term relationship before. She had two kids, a girl and a boy, but the couple split up. Then some time passed, she meets this guy named Justin. He's a teacher. The two met at church. They hit it off. He's kind, he's loving, He's like no one she's known before. He's phenomenal. They date for two years. They decided to get married. Now he knew that there'd be issues before wedding, but he'd always been
very supportive and he knew her story. She'd shared with him about her abduction as a newborn, so he knew the whole deal. Anyway, about that, About the abduction the story here. Sheldon was born April twenty seven, nineteen ninety seven. Three days later, she was stolen from her hospital crib, spirit away from the maternity ward right. The woman who stole her was his named LaVona Solomon. She was unable
to get pregnant. She ate away at her till one day she was willing to do something desperate and cruel to make her dreams of motherhood come true. Right, So she goes in. She sneaks and dressed as a nurse, she steals another woman's child, another mother's child, and actually just a mother's child, and raises this so as her own, right along with her husband Michael. Now that the daughter never knew, never suspected that she was not their biological child. All she ever knew was a loving home.
Sure, three days old.
Everything's changes when she's in high school. Right, The year is twenty fifteen. New student transfers to her high school exciting fun girl. Her name's Cassidy. The two girls kind of look similar, I mean, like real similar. People start making comments about it. Eventually, people like the staff like, like, there's a social worker schools like I think you two may be related. They're like, what are you talking about? Like you could be sisters, right, And they're like okay.
Eventually the social workers like, I can get you a DNA test, right, Well, we can run some DNA tests and see if you two are related. They do, right, and the girls like, yeah, sure, let's do it. They take the test. It comes back conclusive. They aren't just related, They're not cousins. They are sisters, full biological sisters, same parents. Whoa how could that be? Right before? That's what they're wondering. Right, this is the beginning of the end of the big
lie of her life, right. So, and also it's the beginning of the Sheldon's new family. So these are the two sisters. You can see how they would recognize each other instantly.
Yeah, okay.
So after that, later that same year, February twenty fifteen, Sheldon met Cassidy's mom and dad, her mom and dad, and it did not go well. Sheldon said, quote, it was extremely difficult because you've grown up thinking this is your family. I mean, she says this, she means her other parents, so the abductors of the bone Michael, So she though still felt that they were her parents, like in her heart of hearts, those are her parents. She's got these other people are now in her life, and
she's like, this is weird. So, as she says, and I'll put in her words, quote meeting my biological parents, there wasn't that connection. I was looking for it, but it just wasn't there. In the beginning. I had been raised by LaVona and Michael my whole life. Right. So time is supposed to heal all wounds, but it sometimes
it may take more time than a human lifetime will hold. Right. So, Sheldon's birth parents could not forgive nor forget what Sheldon's other parents had done all those years ago when they stole their child from the hospital, and.
Those years of not knowing what and.
As as Sheldon blithely put it, both families were just so harsh with each other. She's trapped in the middle. She anyway, she wants to get married and she wants both of her families there. That made things super awkward, right, And I should point out LaVona, the mother abductor, she was not invited to the wedding. Sheldon cut her out of her life, and after she learned.
The truth, was she doing time.
She was arrested, tried, convicted and it was only ten year sentence.
OK.
So she couldn't go to the wedding even she was invited anyway. The father, Michael, he was free and she wanted him at the wedding. So, as Sheldon put it, quote, I really had to adjust to having two different dads in my life, but I knew i'd want them both walking me down the aisle whenever I got married. Now, I'm sorry, I do not know how you do that. I mean, I'm just not that forgiving. Like, I'm not speaking as her I've never I've never been married. I'm
talking as the father. Right, you steal my child. You were not invited to their wedding. Yeah, that's just a drowned rule. Like, there's no way I walked down the aisle with the man who stole my child, and you're like, yeah, this is cool.
Was the world pals?
Yeah, I mean look at us Mader family.
No.
No, so her biological dad. He looked at things similarly to how I look at him, and he was like hell no, right, she told him, But Daddy, I really want you to be there. He's like or whatever she called him, He's like, no, I am not into this. Right. As Sheldon put it, quote, my biological dad wasn't too happy at first, but this day was all about me, my relationship with my husband, and eventually he said yes for me, it was a miracle, right, So the dude,
he sucks it up, right, did you do that? No, there's no way I could, right, So anyway, so that's what they all did. They all swallow down this poison of the past. The bride can't be happier about how it's all playing out, right, Sheldon says, quote, it was such a beautiful day. I'm so glad my real dad opened to his heart to walk alongside the husband of
my abductor down the aisle. Right now, if you can believe that this saint walking among us, she doesn't even have hate in her heart for the woman who stole her from the hospital, Sheldon said, and I quote, I don't see the mom who raised me as criminal and evil. Everyone just got hurt the process. We all just need to heal.
She needs she's she's such a she's glossing. She's not a saint. She's not processing this properly.
I don't know, dude, I thought that reading it. But I also think that she's just a better human being than I am, because I don't even approximate this level of forgiveness. She seems to be legitimately processing it. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know anyway, this whole that thing, we just.
Kind of got hurt, like you were abducted.
Yes, but she also came from a loving home, so she doesn't feel that she was denied something I guess.
Yeah, but if you know that, I mean it's a betrayal.
Oh totally. It would take me five six, seven lifetimes of reincarnation to get close to being able to be this forgiven right. I am nowhere near it. I don't know anyway, micke Zephanie Sheldon. I will say you are an inspiration for me. Elizabeth questions you, but whatever, we have different opinions.
If I'm the birth mother, oh my god, I'm just like outside their house.
I didn't find her in the story. She was not mentioned so much. Oh, I don't know what.
Maybe she has time now too exactly that's where it would be.
Yeah. So Sheldon she inspired her two families to mend bridges and try to forgive right that that has not happened yet, but she's reported yet, quote that the relationship between my two families is improving. They do get along now we've all matured, realized we're a human and are finally coming to terms with what happened. We show mutual respect to one another, and we're all very understanding.
Oh my god, could you know? No, I don't even know. I'm not I'm not sure like how I would process it, honestly, because then you do start to think about how she had another standpoint. I loved her in her.
View, firs standpoint, I get everyone else's. If I was not the one who is my wedding and I just have I'm just seething in my own emotions, I would not be able to rapidly heal, to be able to be present for her wedding. I don't know if I could do that exactly that. So what's our ridiculous takeaway here?
Ah yeah, yeay uh. Weddings many bring They bring out the worst in a lot of people.
They really do. They bring up a lot of I think that's like they ratchet up the tension on people and then it causes some things to just spring out.
Well, I think it's like twofold you have like the wedding industrial complex. It's just like everything is is like a money grab. And then also it kind of there's this this pressure societally that I see that people think that they have to do certain things for the ceremony and for the reception and for just the trappings of it and how you do everything.
There's a certain capitalist judgment.
Well yeah, and so you have to have it like at a country club. You're not country club people like you're not you know, you wouldn't normally do this kind of thing. So that's you know, it's a lot of pressure and it makes people do stupid stuff. But then you also have like the whole it's my special day. It's not your special bride zell and groups. It's two families coming together. It's not your special day that you want to be a princess. This isn't Halloween.
What do you view a wedding as in terms of it's not your special day? What is?
I think it's the celebration of the couple and it's two families coming together. Like no, it's an even you know, yeah, I always.
Think of it's about the people who are there at the wedding more so than the bride. Yeah, because they already know.
It's kind of like a gang initiation exactly.
You're getting jumped into like whatever that is.
On the other side, you're making a new filly is Saron, what's your ridiculous takeaway?
That's it right there, you gang initiation. I like that you're getting jumped in. I'm taking that one away. I'm gonna start telling people that. It's like, Yo, man, I gotta go to this gang initiation. What do you mean it's a June gang initiation. I'm trying to pick out a suit. What are you talking about? Yeah, it's like the friend he made me go. We've known each other forever, agister, what are you talking about? Yeah, man, I'm getting jumped in. Well,
he's getting jumped in, but I'm in the way. I'm in the jumping party.
Watch it. We're the circle of people standing around watching it in.
The jumping party. I'm I'm his best jumper. Anyway, that's my ridiculous takeaway, Beautiful Elizabeth. You want to hear a talk back? Oh yeah, Dave hit it. Oh my god, I want.
Hey, guys, I just finished listening to your DeLorean episode, and I just want to give a special thank you to Zarin, especially your Margaret. Thatcher imitation made me giggle out loud like an idiot at the gym, and I had an entire gym full of people looking at me. I had to finish my workout and awkwardly slink away, but it was worth it, So thank.
You all right? I always enjoy yeah most of the time. Anyway. You can always find us online Ridiculous Crime, Twitter, Instagram. We have website Ridiculous Crime dot com. We also like to talk backs like that one, so hit us up. Email us if you like Ridiculous Crime at gmail dot com and as always, thanks for listening. I'll catch you next crime. Ridiculous Crime is hosted by Elizabeth Dutton and Zaren Burnett, produced and edited by the Right Honorable Reverend
Dave Houston. Research is by Marissa Bride, Zilla Brown and Andrea Love After lock up song Sharpened Too. Our theme song is by head Usher at the Royal Wedding Thomas Lee and wedding Caterer to the Stars Trap done the host wardrobe providing My Body five hundred. The executive producers are Ben Not Another Punch Bowlin' and Noel Can a bride wear a wedding dress that's brown? Ridicous Crime Say it one more Time?
Giqus Crime.
Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio. Four more podcasts to my Heart Radio visit the iHeartRadio, app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.