Ridiculous crime. It's a production of iHeartRadio.
Hello, Liz Sarn. How you doing. I'm good. How are you doing? I'm doing? Okay. I got a question for you. Yes, do you like this hat? Yes? Thank you. I got another question for you yes, did the shoes go with the hat? No? Okay. Third question that it's ridiculous I do. It's not a mashup because you finally broke it. You're like, oh, I got one, that it's the end.
So did you know that until nineteen ninety six the British government considered bagpipes a weapon of war.
I'm not surprised. I didn't know that.
But it all goes back to Cullawdon right, oh wow, Yeah, everything goes back.
With the Scots in the English.
Right, And so the Brits captured a Scottish piper and you know, convicted him of treason and said that the weapon he was carrying the pipes. And because you know, the bagpipes are used to wrap I mean you can hear for souper far.
Away, and they make good for both scaring and for organized organizing your keys exactly.
And it's like when you're used to hearing the sound if it's not super jarring to you. Then it is like rousing and it's stirring, and.
It can be all that, you know, how you play it.
It's basically it's what you make of it. And so anyway, nineteen ninety six, this dude was in Hampstead Heath in London and he wouldn't stop playing the bagpipes.
That's a big public place too to be doing that.
Yeah, and all the neighbors were like, oh, stop because some people.
Really hate pipes.
Oh yeah, and so and I don't know what time of day he was playing these things, so maybe it was like early in the morning, but either way, so he's playing these pipes and then he gets busted with his fine for disturbing the peace. But then his lawyer points out that that decision in seventeen forty six declaring it, you know, a weapon of war was never overturned, so he couldn't be charged with an eighteen nineties by law of disturbing the piece with a musical instrument because it
was actually a weapon of war. And so then it's like, well, the you know, the magistrates will wait a second, So then.
Are you carrying the weapon of war?
A dangerous weapon instead of so it goes back and forth, back and forth, he winds up. They write a new law that in times of war it's a weapon of war, times of peace, it's a musical instrument. And he had to pay the fines for annoying.
Do you at least get his name attached to the law. I don't think so. Ah, you got to get your name attached to that law.
Come on, not when you've got a piper, dude.
And that is ridiculous. That is definitely ridiculous.
No, it is.
That's what I told you about. That's the ridiculous. Well, imagine you're some badass rock star. You know, I don't have to imagine. Okay, yeah, so keep that energy now. I imagine that you're the kind of guy the girl who snarls at pop razzi. And also you're the kind of rock star like kicks their own fans oh right, and like you're the kind whose own band hates him, right, And then like you get arrested at a bar in Canada and for being a douchebag, and everyone's like, yeah,
everyone loves it. Okay, it's ridiculous.
That is ridiculous.
This is ridiculous crime. My podcast about absurd and outrageous capabis, heists and cons. Daddy is always ninety motor free and ridiculous. Ridiculous Elizabeth. Today, I want to talk to you about J. S. Bach, the Canadian American rock star. Wait, got my notes mixed up? I mean sp Bach as in Sebastian Philip Bach, Yes, leads singer of the band skid Row. I loved that band. Back to the idea, Oh my god, this is a huge fan for real, did you really? I know you
love guns and roses. So this is like too far afield, but it's way more of that.
It's like, yeah, there's a lot.
So I was gonna I had like looked up song titles to jar your memory. You can be singing lyrics back then? I yes, I am. Oh wow. So then okay, fun fact, do you know that Sebastian Bach is a stage name that I didn't know? Wow? I got something in that. Okay, so he was makes sense? Yeah, of course he was born in Sebastian, but he was not born a Bach. He was born a Berk. B I E r k y kind of ringing the bells. Sebastian Philip Berk born in the Bahamas in April nineteen sixty eight.
Family soon moved to what would become his hometown of Peterborough, Ontario. Remember that town name. It'll come up again later. What do you know of Sebastian Bach? You like, just when you think of him beyond like, oh, he's got that great you know, I don't know voic hair hair. I don't think I know that he's a total jerk. Yes, he has a total Did he do like reality tea? Lately? He's been really acting on Broadway.
I saw a video not too long ago on Instagram of him drunk singing in like a hotel that sounds right, at a conference for and I'm not sure what it was for, and I just didn't have a heart to open it up and really look at it.
Well, that sounds about right. Yeah. So the band skied Row your favorite. Their first album, upon eponymously titled skid Row, was came out in nineteen eighty nine. Uh huh and uh. They followed that up with Slave to the Grind, came out in nineteen ninety one, sophomore album. Both of those huge hits multi platinum. Yeah. Right, And so let's just go over some song titles eighteen in life. That was like the Yeah, that was I loved it. Yeah, okay, do you remember I remember you? Yeah? That was the
power ballad. Hey, there you go. Yeah. They were both like Billboard Hot one hundreds, Oh yeah, the heavy MTV rotation, yes, yes, okay, monkey business that one worked. Yeah, I can't remember that kind of youth gone wild. Oh yeah yeah. The other title hit Slave to the Grind, Yeah, that was the title, and then like A Wasted Time that's another power ballot.
Yeah.
I figured i'd bring up I wanted to range experience. So their third album, sub Human Race, that came out in nineteen ninety five. I don't know anything about that. Critics liked it, some loved it. Fans were like, nah, because Brune, it happened years past the point of Grind and everyone's like, oh, skid Row is still making music. That's wild. I had no interest, but that's interesting. So
at this point there's still alive. Yeah exactly. That marked the beginning of them playing like state and county fairs. Later on they would be doing reunion tours, but it was all like that was their future, right, Let's don't talk about the rough years, at least not yet let's talk about the fun beginning the early years. From what I understand, John bon Jovi is to blame for skid row. I mean I did, I can't, but like it is his fault. Yeah, I think, aren't the rest of them
from New Jersey? Yes, I didn't know this. So the band was coming up, everyone knew it, who knew them, and everyone in the music industry on the East Coast, specifically in the New York, New Jersey area and include Philly. I guess they could see that they were on the cusp of breaking right. Everyone's like, oh my god, they're so close to success. And then that's when their boat begins to sink. Right when they're just you know, within
view of the coast, the boat begins to sink. And then at this point steps in bad Boy of New Jersey, John bon Jovi, John bon Giovy. Yes. Well, first it was his parents, John bon Jovi's dad, John Bonjovy, a senior, a barber, and former marine, and his lovely wife Carol bon Govy, who was coincidentally also a former marine, but also a former playboy Bunny Wait. John bon Jovi's mom was a playboy bunny Yes, Anna Marine and later a florist.
This is fantastic, assuming Carol had stories. Carol, Yeah, yeah. Anyway, they're together at a wedding, Carol and John bon Jovi Senior and the rock photographer Mark Weis is getting betrothed. So he's there and he's got a young Sebastian Box singing at the reception, and John bon Jovi's parents are impressed, and they were like, you know, our sons in the music business, and you should call him. In fact, you should call his friend Dave Sabo. He needs a singer
for his band. Have you ever been to New Jersey? So, Elizabeth, you don't know this. Dave Sabo was the original guitarist for the band of a little band called bon Jovi. Okay. He was later replaced by Richie Sambora, who everybody knows. Yeah, he's a cowboy on a steel horse. He right, exactly. So Dave Sabo was John bon Jovi's childhood friend. They grew up in the same hood in New Jersey. They went way back, right, So anyway, young Sebastian Bach he does as John bon Jovi's parents tell him to do.
He rings Dave Sabo and the band is like, yeah, man, you should come out to New Jersey. We're having tryouts. And Sebastian Bok's like, okay, I'll be there amen. So he flies out to New Jersey from Canada. He does his killer audition, apparently because skid Row offers him the job. So they're like, you nailed it, kid. Nineteen eighty seven, Sebastian Bach joins the band. He's the new lead singer.
Now they're breack headed for success. Yeah right, soon enough, he's now the face of the band because the lead singer is gonna be the face of the band. So it's their band and they hire this kid and he becomes the face of the band, and the band it does indeed blow up. In nineteen eighty nine, band drops their debut album, The skid Row Huge Hit, YadA, YadA, YadA. A little while back, Sebastian Bach he had dropped a memoir. He looked back at those heady days of the rock
stardom in the late eighties and early nineties. Yeah, yeah, wistfully remembering like, oh, it's so great you could get drugs anywhere time. Yeah, exactly. I had all these teams of lawyers. So he also brought up his feud with John bon Jovi, the man whose parents started his career because they got into a feud once he was a star. So Jo not know that. I didn't either. John bon Jovi was critical to skid row success everything, and I also remember the band his childhood frame band. So he's
gonna be a protective of the band. And now they've got this like full of themselves Canadian hair metal kid like I'm the band. So the band's about to drop their debut album. John bon Jovi goes, I'm gonna help them out, so let's take them out on the road. They can open for bon Jovi. That'll be a huge boost. Yeah, So they're doing their nineteen eighty eight, nineteen eighty nine and New Jersey Syndicate tour. I'm not sure if you
remember this. No I don't. I didn't know. The story goes skid Row's opening for John bon Jovi and it's going well, perhaps too well. The band's album comes out, fans coming out to see John bon jovire and suddenly folks coming out to see skid Row the opener. Yeah, so that because a little tension between the bands, you know, and then also apparently the merch numbers shift and John bon Jovi's band, it's as much Merchant skid Row. I don't know, but I find it all kind of hard
to believe in that part of the telling. What I do believe is it in nineteen eighty nine, while they're watching the stratospheric rise of skid Row, it goes to Sebastian box Head. That's why I hear what happened? Well, I mean, I think too, what is it eight?
I don't know what album on Jovi was supporting with the tour, but I feel like at this point like they had peaked.
Yes they were, They were definitely crush.
And he's like just about to go into a solo career, right, like I think pretty much, yeah, and so yeah, it's just then you get like and and skid Row. We're super MTV ready, Yes, you know, like it was.
And there they don't know it, but the whole window on this rock music is very quickly closed. They got two years essentially. Yeah, that's it, and then it'll be nobody wants you what you're doing anymore?
Exactly you and rat you know, so one night, sure warrant and get in.
At this point, Sebastian Bach though doesn't know this, so success has gone to his head. An old sea bass starts to piss off his fellow front man John bon Jovi. One night after their set, John bon Jovi comes over to the skid Row dressing room and, as Sebastian Bach tells it, he stared me down and said the words I'll own you. So another big you know potty.
Yeah.
After that, bon jovin skid Row had beef right. So later on in the tour, the stage crew for bon Jovi starts allegedly throwing milk all over Sebastian Bak just before he's supposed to go out on stage, right, so
he's covered in melt. I don't know. Yeah, So he goes out on stage anyway because he's like, I'll show you guys, and then he launches into this rant about what a bunch of posers bon Jovi are and the headliners, and he calls the lead singer, John Bond blow me to all the fames in front of a fans who came to see bon Jovi well drenched and trenched him out. As Newton would tell you, Isaac Newton, every action has
a reaction. Is on stage rant against bon Jovi at their show led to a New Jersey sized reaction, not the state, like I'm from New Jersey and this is what's gonna be the reaction. So back to Sebastian Bach. We saw about sixty people coming towards us. They're backstage, crowd of sixty people in the back just coming at them. Leading the charge of this road crew and pissed off like people is former marine John bon Jovic, followed closely
by his son, John bon Jovi Junior. John bon Jovi Junior marches right up to Sebastian Bak and he gets in his face and he shouts, I heard what you said on my stage, and then he threw a punch, but his punch was poorly aimed and it missed wide of his target apparently. And now before frontman on frontman violence can go any and get get any bigger and get any uglier, the road crew grabs Sebastian Bach and slams them up against the wall. There's between these Oh yeah, definitely,
he's much taller than John bon Jovi. I don't know how he could get in his face, you know, he got in his chest. So anyway, the road crew now was like holding him up against the wall and maybe getting like something for John bon Jovi to stand on and get in his face again. Yeah so, but the at this point, you know, they're also just mad. He like dared not to get hit by an initial pro right. So meanwhile, the former marine daddy bon John Job, he shoves an angry figure in Sebastian Bok's face and he
starts shouting at him. Right, according to Sebastian Bar, there's Carolyn All, she's being reasonable, she's just working on a caress. She's calling in the big guns. She's pulling a carmelo. The phone rings at the bottom bank. Yeah. So Sebastian Bach, who was there, tells us bon Jovi Senior pointed in my face as I was held against the wall, and
he said I'll kill you or something like that. So after everybody's getting all their potty mouth anger out after that encounter Sebastian Bach versus John bon Jovi, the feud simmers for another decade, right until two thousand and six. They meet in a London bar. They hug it out like bros. They say, man, let's put the pass behind it. How could you bite the hand that feeds you? Like that where you like, do not know dad hooks?
She was yes, and then like how uncomfortable it makes it in the band because like his band made.
Yeah your friend exactly. Yeah, I didn't know any of that dynamic about the band. Fun fact that I did learn while researching this one. In nineteen eighty a young bon Jovi, that's John bon Jovi, just him, not the whole band, had no professional credits to his name, right, but he we'd have a little band called the Rest that's it, right, not the best name, but whatever. Anyway, he's working at a recording studio pushing a broom, just
like Chris Christofferson did. And again, this is nineteen eighty, right, So there's this massive hit out there still shaping pop culture. And this massive hit was called Star Wars, came out years prior, but still an Empire is going to come out that year, but it's still shaping the culture so much that there was a disco DJ in New Jersey who was looking for a way to cash in on all that Star Wars loose money around in the culture. This disco producer was named Miko, and he was working
on a little project called Christmas in the Stars. The Star Wars Christmas album, because the thinking was kids would ask their parents to buy anything with the words Star Wars on it, right, true. So remember, yeah, as I said John bon Jovi June.
You owned the like for years, late seventies, eighties, mid eighties.
If you put Star Wars on something or picture of an e wall, it works like that today it still does. Yeah, it's exactly. It's just like a money printing machine. It's why Disney bought it, that's right. So John bon Joe he's pushing his room at this recording studio and now he's there the day they're recording Christmas in the Stars, the Star Wars Christmas album, and for one track, they
don't have the voice they need. So Johnny bon Jovi is like, hey, I can sing, and so the disco producers like, okay, baby, let's tell you pipes right, And Johnny bon Jovi takes his place at the mic, and when the track comes up, he starts singing the lyrics to R two D two's version of we Wish You a Merry Christmas. Wait, and that's how John bon Jovi got his first professional music crack. He just started with an R two D two. He just did like, no,
he sings, I don't know he sings the lyrics. R two two can't sing here, he can't be boobop his way through. He's like accent, he's like scatting. I guess what is an R two D two accent?
I know in your deep bag of accents, you've got an R two D two accents.
The whistles, though, are so hard to it's like and then he's like, just like that, just like that. But I'm sure you all have heard that the main Star Wars theme by Miko, like the disco version, right, yes, oh yeah, no, definitely it's so good. Yeah, I want the album now. It's a banger. No, it definitely is. Yeah. It's the reason why he's like, let's do a Christmas album because people are like, this is dope. I got more dope. Yeah, So there you go. From a flagrant
cash grab, John bon Jovi gets his first one. Anyway, this sounds like many of my my bad weekends. So let's take a little break, slip into something comfortable, listen to some ads, and after these messages we'll get into the battle and box. Yes, okay, Elizabeth Jaren. At this point, I've pulled this bowstring back far enough to make it nice and tough. You ready to see this arrowfly? Yes? So in nineteen ninety six, Sebastian Bach was fired from
his band skid Row. He had a good run, you know, last year, from nineteen eighty seven to nineteen ninety six, at least three good years. Yeah, and then just a full nine year run, you know. So anyway, that's one year longer than the American Revolution. The reason why Sebastian Bach was fired from skid Row remains the matter of myth and speculation, oh the gossip of heavy metal roadies
and groupies. But there are certain rumors, like there's one rumor that Sebastian Bach was fired from skid Row because he wanted the band to play as an opener for one of his favorite childhood bands. Want I guess what band Sebastian Bach idolized as a kid and was willing to risk it all to tour with.
Yes, do you know the storys Oh, my god, you're good.
I'm trying to think of like what you know, I'm just not a big fan of j at his agent?
What's theme for his age? And like a megaband that went still being around but like lame. Yeah exactly. The people be like what just going.
Like super hard or like really, oh my god, they're amazing musicians, and it's like this, you know.
Yeah, he's not risking for the MC five, he's exactly, it's just tracks. So Sebastian Bach was he wanted to open for Kiss, and the rest of skid Row was like, will they be wearing the makeup and they're lays up boots and capes. Yeah, that's not really what they said. But what did happen is Elizabeth, let me take you back. It was nineteen ninety six. Grunge was big hair metals out at this point. Oh yeah, has cut their hair right?
Oh my god.
Yeah, So at this point in the culture therapy exactly, they're doing anger management. So neither skid Row nor Kiss is at the top of the charts anymore, but they both still have armies of loyal fans and they're not too old to rock and roll.
Ninety six too, we're getting through grunge into new metal.
Yes, exactly, we're making that shift. So when Kiss announces like what silver Chair happens, Everyone's like, Okay, grunge is not Let's move on. So when Kiss announces a reunion tour, they reach out to Sebastia Bach, who is a Kiss superstan as I said, and they asked if skid Row wants to go on tour with Kiss and open for the glam demons of rock and roll, and Sebastian Bach is like, yes, absolutely yes, oh my god, jumping up and down. And then he goes to tell his bandmates
and they're like, no, absolutely not. And so I guess they had different opinions about what cool was. And uh. Sebastian Bach was on Steve O's podcast Wild Ride, and he recounted the events as best as he could remember them again rockstar so Memory, but Accordian Sebastian Bak's jin Soak Memory. The bass player Rachel Bolin had a tour planned with their side project, a punk band he'd started with skid Row's Roadies, So that was why Sebastian Bach didn't get to play with his childhood heroes.
Ok.
So he reached out to John bon Jovi's childhood friend, Old Dave Sabo, guitarist for the band, and Sebastian Bach had some thoughts about this, like, oh, he's playing with a punk band, I don't get to play with Kiss, and he wanted the skid Row guitarist Sabo to hear his thoughts, and so as Sebastian Bach told Steve Oh the story, and I quote, I called the guitar player Dave Sable and then let him know what I thought.
He didn't pick up, so I just went you and I just let him know what I thought of him not letting me play with Kiss at the reunion tour of Kiss in New Jersey at the Meadowlands Arena. So Elizabeth again, this is nineteen ninety six. It's ninety six, which is key to the story because in nineteen ninety six people had answering machines for their house phone. Yeah you remember those, right. I for some answering machines, while the person is leaving a message, it plays on his speakerphone.
So anyone standing there in the room with that phone can hear the message as it's being left and recorded. This is it used to be great for scenes in dumb comedies. Well keep that energy in mind, dumb comedy, because turns out Dave Sabo saw who was calling. He's like, I'm not answering that, but he did, so he didn't pick up the call, but he did stand there and
listen to the message on speakerphone. So as Sebastian Bach is leaving it and Dave Sabo though wasn't alone because the way Sebastian Bach tells the story to Tears Steve oh And quote, he goes, my whole family heard that message that came out of the speaker and my whole family was there. So that was it. That was what was the old cliche. Back to Sebastian Bach, that was
the last straw. If you asked the bass player in them, they will say that there was a lot of leading up to that, but that was the very last straw. So I guess, yeah, why he got fired from the band because he left a message and irritated his bandmate, John bon Jovi's best friend, screaming at him and being way too family for a family from New Jersey. But you know how hard it is to see their standards, like they've heard some stuff.
It's I've known bands that have broken up and they're looking for an excuse if one person is the catalyst and they're like, oh, oh it was that.
There was like wait, what a lot more? But I think you're on. But if we dig his word for it, he wasn't fired from Sandro because he said yes to kiss, but he was booted for the band because he was a pompous, spoiled rock star essentially right, no one wanted to be around him because they're sick of having to hold the bag of his bad behavior. So any that brings us to the story I wanted to tell you today. Yes, what was the name of that Canadian town I told
you remember up top? Peter something real close? It is Peterborough. Peterborough, all right, it's easy to remember. Just think spider Man, right, is Peter Parker. Peter Parker is from the Borough of Queens. Peter Peterborough. Boom spider Man equals Peterborough has memory trick, Elizabeth. You'd keep that one for free. It's on the house. Seriously, come to my seminar this weekend. I'm at the Ramata
n out by the airport. Anyway, the scene of this crime was Riley's Old Town Pub in Sebastian Box, hometown of where Peter Peterborough. That's old by the way with no e at the end. But the town has an athi end like they couldn't make up their mind which way they wanted to go the old Towny's Old Town Pub, old Town Pub on the end of old but at the end of town. So what about at the end
of pub. No, so they decided they split the difference on their old time events, like we can only afford one e. Yeah, so it's November IDEs of November, in fact, November fifteenth. Yeah. So one thing I thought was funny. Every single news story that covered this incident made sure to include the phrase Sebastian Buck whose real name is Sebastian Berk to bust him out or maybe there's a lot of people to know. I read the arrest report. I don't know what.
It's just like, if you're not familiar with him, they're like, wait, this man's name is They're.
Like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's not it's not that cool. Don't put on airs. It's beer. It's actually really lame. So what's the stories? Eric, great question, Elizabeth, Oh my god, thank you. At the time, Sebastian back, forty two year old former rock star turned Broadway actor and part time reality TV person acting with a side of reunion tour hopeful now reality TV h one, I'm not going to yeah, exactly. The brother in the house, yay.
So in his hometown of where Elizabeth, Peterborough. There you go. That's right, spider Man Canada. In an exclusive interview the music and culture outlet Blabbermouth, Sebastian Bach recalled that and I quote, I went to Peterborough to deal with my dad's estate and pack up his art and put it in the truck and drive it in New Jersey. It was pure misery. So that was a rough day. One of my friends wanted to sing a song to me, a song at the microphone, and the owner wouldn't letter.
So right off, we've got an emotionally stressed rockstea with aging family care issues. Right, that's always difficult, be super stressful. Yeah, he said, rough day, we've all.
You know, when a friend says I want to sing a song to you in.
A bar to make you feel better, that's rough. That puts me through the ringer. So he and his friends, that is traumatic.
You friend is like, I want to sing a song to you.
In public, probably a bar in your hometown. You tell me all about it later. So they decided that, you know, maybe some impromptu karaoke will cheer up Sea Bass, right, but the man won't let them sing. So what's a rock and roll rebel like Sea Bass supposed to do well? From some media reports, I read Sebastian Bach had a essentially going up to the stage where there was a
house musician playing. I imagine a guy with a guitar. Yeah, he asked, yeah, maybe, But he asked if his friend Ken Sagan for the bar patrons, do you know what song it was? No, I don't know what song they want to I know I didn't. I looked up as much as I could for this one. So the house musician was like, yeah, cool, cool, Yeah, man, sure, you just need to ask the owner if it's cool. And I mean his name's Jim. He's right over there. You'd
ask him, he'll let you. No, Sebastian Bach didn't want to go through all that hassle, right, so he said he went back to his seat with his friends and I guess they've been drinking a little bit already. Yeah maybe, you know, they say they were going around the world like annoying teenagers at this point. Either way, they decided they'll get the bar owner to come over to them. So they start pelting the house musician with ice cubes from where they're seated, right, But this isn't a big place.
This isn't like a raucous dive bar. Just imagine a small Canadian old town pub. Now the bar owner, he does come over to their table, and he asked Sebastian back to chill the f out, stop throwing ice cubes at the house musician and heckling him, because they also started heckling the kid who's just up there, like on a stool with a guitar. At that point, Sebastian Bach starts throwing ice cubes at the bar owner's face, who's just right there in front of him. Like, I'm not
a rock star, Elizabeth. I've never been a rock star, but I have to assume if I were a rock star, I would know that throwing ice cubes at the some house musician is not the way to get what I want. No, specifically, I want to share the stage, kids working through the Indigo girls cat out. Dude, I don't think ice cubes are going to sway a Canadian bar owner anyway. The bar owner's like, okay, time for you to go. So
at this point, real rockstar energy comes into play. Sebastian Bach apparently decided to be the one who was offended, so he's like, how dare you I am a former lead singer of an eighties hair metal ban skin Row, how dare you ask me to leave this premises? And the bar owners like, you threw ice at my classical guitar player. Get out? Yeah, so I don't know it was a class guitar player. I just that's even better. It's a classical guitar player.
And he's just like doing all these like and then he's like, my friend.
Was to power ballad, you know eighteen in life. Now, what I haven't told you up until now so they wanted to save it is that this is all going down in a wine bar. Wait, the Old Cube is a wine bar?
Yes, Oh my god, do they do like a sip and paint thing.
It gets better when Sebastian Bak takes issue with the owner. He stands up with his wine glass and attempts to swan out of the place, feeling all hurt and wounded. So the bar owners like, you can't leave with that glass of wine. Yeah, He's like he's doing his best impression of Rihanna leaving with a glass of wine. But he's like, when re Rey does it, it's like ultra cool. When Sebastian Bak does it, just like me getting kicked out of a bar in like a shopping mall in Florida,
it's just not nearly as cool. So it's like real bad mammagama behavior.
Right.
So, on his way to being escorted out the door, Sebastian Bach asked himself what would a real rockstar do in this moment of petulance, and then he did his best impression of that. So he decides he will take his unfinished glass of wine and throw it down at the floor, like I'm leaving anyway. I don't need this. So in an interview with the outlet Checks TV, which I have to assumes a Canadian TV station and not a media outlet for the fine makers of Checks partys
and cereals. But actually I did Checks. I thought you may ask checks TV is a local TV station coming out of Peterborough, Ontario in the north.
Yeah, is it there like public Access? No, it's like a local channel just like Czechoslovakian. I think they do C for Canada. And then everything's just like three letters. I don't know anywhere TV. The bar owner said, he raised his hand and threw the wineglass with the wine in it as hard as he could on the floor, shattering it. So at that point the bar owner was like grab him and then decided, if you want to have a job done right, you have to do it yourself.
Was it a buttery shard or a rob Imagine it's a red, a robust red. Yeah, so maybe like a like a uh maybe at Murlow. He seems like that kind of guy to drink. I just like it.
Maybe it's like a Pinot Grigio, like a light summer.
One he likes to So at this point, the bar owner goes and tackles Sebastian Bach before he gets out the door so he can hold him for the police. And as Sebastian Bach tells the story to Blabbermouth, I ended up tackled up from behind. So the only thing I could do, of course, was bite the dude. Oh of course. So drunk and asked to leave. Clearly embarrassed, he decides to raise the steaks to assault in some light cannibal cosplay Rashshha. There's a video of the incident
that corroborates that that's pretty much exactly what happens. Or you could take the word of Judd Smoke, who is a friend of Sebastian Box Stop Judge, Stop suppress jud Smoke, jud Smoke? Is he actually Jud's smirk? It's Judd's smoke. I mean it could be like Smoke a Witz. I don't know. He may be a longer name. I have no idea. But he was there that night, and he will tell you if you ask him, or if you don't ask him, as he told me the outlets at the time, everybody is painting bass in a bad light.
But he didn't do no attacking to no bar on her as per se like I've seen on TV and the internet. It was more than the other way around.
I was there, Okay, so we need to go back and test some grammar and mechanics. But also, was jud Smoked the guy who was like, I want to sing to my friend.
I love it. I think it was. I think it was a girl who was with him. Let's say it was. Let's say it was.
So.
At this point, Sebastian Bach picks back up the story and he says, you know, okay, I threw a glass of wine on the ground because he kicked me out of the bar. In my home town, you can go to friendlies with your grandma and she could drop a glass of water on the ground. Nobody tackles her. You broke a glass? What the So that was his take on the events.
I think if you want to paint yourself as a bad boy of rock and roll, you have to look at like the pinnacle the version, and that's Keith Richards.
Oh yeah, Like would Keith Richards do this and do it this way? Keith would not do that. You can even take a couple of steps down to Axel Rose and be like, what, Axel.
Do you know? He would be like, you're acting like trash Keith Richards Like.
No, no, no, she wouldn't even deign to talk to you.
Exactly. They're not going to pull all this. This is I'm right now. I am really up to my eyeballs in like not being able to tolerate trash behavior. Oh yeah, like fighting in public or mouthing off about don't act like trash.
Acting like you're in a reality TV. Yeah, but there's no cameras. Yes, stop, Vladimir stop. So what was the result of all this bad behavior and the old Town pub and where Elizabeth Petersborough. So I got two words for you, rabies test stop. What is happening? Sebast Jim Bach told Blabbermouth I had to go and take a rabies test to make sure I didn't have communicable diseases. So we've talked about rabies because he bit the guy so they had to go get a rais. He's a
dog that has to be tested for rabies. And you and I have talked about rabies personally, like and I just got to say that sounds like one of the worst things I've ever heard about. And going up from rabies, I.
Ruined your day slash months, life month, dude.
The symptoms sounds like an old testament.
There's someone left a comment somewhere on Reddit and if.
You like search it like rabies like what happened.
I don't know.
I can't remember the search function I use.
But it is like a detailed, moment by moment description of what happens from the moment you're bitten.
They don't know it.
Yes, I read it a painful death and I'm horrified.
I read it out loud to you and then I forwarded it to other people.
The whole fear of water is that is them. It makes you irrationally afraid of water, so much so that the rabies wants you to go out and die, so that way scavengers will come along and eat your body and then the rabies get spread. But it's it's a genius alien virus. I hate it. Each each level of it is just horrendous. It's one of the worst things I've ever read.
Yeah, I think I'll figure out a way that we can put the links.
Oh my god, it's terrible. Yeah. So anyway, the owner of the bar demands a Sebastian Bach get a rabies test because he doesn't want this either, right, and you know what, I don't blame him. So after he went to the doctor, gods, he's walking around rabbit. Well, I mean, one in a million is high enough for me. I think you're more likely to get some sort of STV.
Oh yeah, much more likely, but you can get both, Elizabeth. So, after he went to the doctor for his mandatory court ordered rabies test, the Canadian American hair metal rocker proudly proclaimed to the world, happy to say, I'm rabies free. I'm not rabbit. So there you go. Sebastian Bach legally declared not rabbit.
I am so sorry for Canada and if you're one, they're nice people.
They don't deserve most of the rock stars that come out of Canada, but Canada is like I don't just come on. They're from Wisconsin, Neil Young, Nickelback, Chad Kroeger. They're from Canada. Oh yeah. So if you were wondering about him catching charges, the Courts Center Ontario decided to drop the charges for the bite and the general ice cube battery. Yes for justice. Sebastian Bach did donate seven hundred dollars to charity as recompense for the broken wineglass.
What was the charity? I did not ask the Sebastian box exactly. So there you go. That's your Sebastian Boch fun for today. But you have one more story for you about a Sebastian Bock as in the OG, Johann Sebastian Boch, the guy. That guy also spent time inside locked up and guests. There's just something about them back boys, Elizabeth.
So let's take a break after these messages. I'll tell you about the OG bad Boy Sebastian Box, Elizabeth, We're back, hi, and have I got a hell of a finisher for you? I bet you do.
So.
I was doing some research, right and I had to go hit up Wikipedia to find out Sebastian Bach's parents' names. And at the top of his Wikipedia page is this disambiguation note. You know, one of those sentences has this article is about X for articles on why I see
this other person or whatever? Right well, on Sebastian Box Wikipedia page is a disambiguation note, and he reads this article is about the heavy metal singer for the baroque composer see Johann Sebastian Bach, and I just want to sit on the shoulder someone who's looking for info on Johann Sebastian Bach and mistakenly reads Sebastian Box Wikipedia and gets the two musicians confused. You're always telling people fun facts about this genius, Sebastian Box. You know what's gonna happen.
You know what?
He did a counterpoint chat gpt ais you have an emergence scan that and then some ding dong fourth graders he asked to write a report.
On Johann Sebastian Box talking about to and he's gonna go off on a wine bar brawl at the rabies determination of the fourth grade teachers to be like, this is why I'm.
Quitting at the end of the year. I could just see it. The whole movie is playing out in my head right now. So this this is what I want to tell you about the O. G. Bach, JS Bach, Johann Sebastian, the real deal. Yeah. So primarily people in the note say that Bach was a prolific composer, a man who heard God in the notes of a clavichord. His most famous works are the Takata and Fugue and Reiner I mentioned that the brandon Burg Concertos, the Goldberg Variations,
the well tempered Clavier. The man was known to bust out a corral at the drop of the hat. Right, I mean, generous lover. He came from a family of musicians. Keep that thought in mind. Oh God, he's chief among them. The man eight slept and breathed music when he wasn't being a generous level But also we treat him like we treat all dead classical geniuses, as like a bit
of like an NPR listening fuddy. Right, and let me tell you, Elizabeth, that could not be further from the truth when it comes to Johann Sebastian Bach, namesake of the hair Metal Frontman now the Og. Bach was born in sixteen eighty five and he spent his prolific working years in what would come to be called Germany. But during his time there it was a patchwork of dukes
and duchies and mad princes. There was no Germany yet, and as a working musician he had to bounce around a bit dealing with these dukes and duchies and mad princes while he was looking for a steady gig in the courts. And his job seeking was made more difficult by the fact that j. S. Bach was something of a bad boy, and he's dealing with all these what future Germans, right, they were like, we're not tense. So he was not the white haired, sober minded Lutheran that
most folks would imagine. The conductor John Elliott Gardner he wrote a biography of the composer, and he commented on this character of Bach, the subversive as he called him, and he said that we need to reimagine the man because quote suppose in said, we start to view him as an unlikely rebel. Oh yeah, exactly thought thought well
in mind, which is certainly something you know. I would say this about any teacher who fights his students, or a proud young man who gets locked up for a month because he bristles at the power structure of his day. That's JS block. Also apparently a thirsty fella. Back went on a two week trip and he came back and he handed over receipts from his travel. He could get recompensed by the church for his travel expenses. So Back charged the church a ton for all the beer he
was drinking two week trip. Right. He drank eight gallons of beer during that two week trip in two weeks. No, I did the conversion math for you, because I know I love conversions. I do. There's one hundred and twenty eight fluid ounces per gallon. He did eight of those, So he worked that out. Eight is two to the third, one hundred and twenty eight is two to the seventh
at the exponent exponents, and then that's a oneenty twenty four. Right, So if you divided that, calculate he divide that by twelve ounces, which is the amount of fluid a beer in a can. That works out to be about eighty five and a third beers. Now, if you divide that by fourteen days, which means he's drinking every single day the same eight Monday through Sunday, that's an average of six beers a day every day of his fourteen day trip.
So he's drunk on Sunday tips everything. So thank god he also had beer added to one of his contracts of employment. Those are the beers that he bought, yes, exactly, he was the one that other people bought for him, exactly. So yeah, so Bach apparently made sure there was a stipulation in his contract that so he had access to tax free beer, and not just any beer. He demanded the pilsners and loggers from the castle's brewery. He wanted the good stuff. What's the Prince dring? That's what I
want on ryding Heid School Bolton stuff. So he wasn't, by the way, when he wasn't maintaining his buzz. Apparently Bach was also remembered to meet young ladies for a rendezvous and the organ loft. I think they said that his organ had no stops. Oh, can'd invite them up there to check the pipes. So exactly how did young JS bock wind up behind bars? How did you fantastic question? Elizabeth? Well, the year was seventeen o eight. I remember it was I thought you did, right, JS bock Cock Shuer twenty
three year old musical Theenom. He'd been hired as the court organist for the city of Wymar, as in the city that would later be known as the name provider for the Wymar Republic or Wymar you prefer it that way? Yes, anyway, the young bach is hired to play the organ right, and he's good. No one has any complaints about the ser fingers on the lasts six years in the Vymar court and he's eventually appointed as the Concertmeister. That's concert with a K and a Z in the middle of it.
What it means is the forgotten name of a Ski album.
So this means is he's the music director of the court.
Right.
So this also means he's now responsible for composing original works for a talented ensemble of musicians. However, this also means he has to take orders from his not one, but two bosses, the kapell Meister and the vice copel Meister. Okay, and I know what those roles are because I love the movie Amadais. But the kapel Meister is the main conductor of the orchestra or the ensemble musicians. So the big boss, the guy whoused to stand there and waved the baton. Yeah, this case, it was a father and
son acte. Yeah, because of the seventeen hundreds and more oft than that, men went into the family Businessmick. So he's got his like, you know, he's got his fail son as his vice Coppelmeister. And then the Kapellmeister dies and his failed son takes over and js back loses it. He's like, because anybody who has ears to hear the beauty of his music knows that the job should go to js Buck. This is He's just like, it's insulting otherwise, right,
and he certainly knew this. So to make matters worse, he thought the vice Copelmeister was just an abject failure as a person and as a man. So he didn't respect him to like him. And so what does he do, Well, the bad boy of the seventeen hundreds, he's got he's got to step out, right, Yeah, he's got to get free of this. So he does he starts circulating his curriculum vita, his musical resume. He's like, would you like
to read this? Check this out, I've got this on parchment, vellm whatever you like, And he's able to scoop up a new gig right at the end of the summer seventeen seventeen, he's named the Kapellmeister of the Court of Prince Leopold of the State of Cuttin. Right now, there was one person who could stop him from taking his new job. His old boss, a man named Wilhelm Ernst but Elizabeth, you would call him the Duke of Saxon Weimar, and he was an intolerant Lutheran man. His brother was
the co Duke, but he was such a drunk. He was only co Duke in name. Only everybody knew oh yeah yeah. And when his brother passed he got a new co Duke. It was like a whole power sharing. The Germans didn't want anyone have too much power. It's why they stayed apart in all their old duchies for so long. Anyway, Wilhelm Ernst he holds power and as such he hears this young star concertmeister plans to leave his court and find better employment. Elsewhere with Prince Leopold.
Right after this slight of watching this idiot son take a job that rightfully should go to him, so he decides, well, I'm going to teach this young js Bock how things go down and sacks Viymar so he rejects box resignation. He teaches him a lesson in power politics and tells him, see, no, baby, you ain't going nowhere. He baby you and me, but he says like in German right, But my man, js Bock, he's stubborn, he's hard headed, he's young. So he kept at it. He kept trying to resign and the Duke
was like, I thought you had good is baby. You ain't hearing me. You ain't going nowhere, but again like in German right. So finally, in November, when he should have been preparing his Christmas Mass program at his new gig, js Bock is absolutely losing it like he was losing it before. Now it's erupting from his skin. Right. I wish I could tell you who he popped off at.
I don't know, but we do know that he popped off in the court of the Duchy and everyone was like, oh no, because young hot headed Bock just was like basically yelling fire me, fire me, fire me, which, by the way, my friend Dave once did exactly this at dream Works until Jeffrey Katzenberg was like, Okay, fine, I fire you, you can go. So this behavior still goes on today, is what I'm saying. And Dave would be amused that I just compared him to JS Box, So
rip Dave. Anyway, back to js Bock and Duke Wilhelm Ernst and they're out of stubbornness so young back he goes ham in the court a saxsify mar and Duke will Hummers is like, you do know I have my home prison, right baby? So js Bock gets to know the Fortress prison firsthand, up close personal. He gets to know the feel of the cold damp stones and guess what my man does once he's locked up. He's like, cool, cool,
I still want to resign. Yeah, just keeps pushing it right, So he tries to wait out the Duke's anger, and it's like he hopes that he'll find some like new something else to get him mad about and eventually let him go. That does not happen, So Back is like, well kind of these gets some work done, americ, can he bring me some pens and paper and something ink? And the Duke is like, he's belligerent, but he's not like a capricious man, so he's like, give him some
pens and paper. So at this point js Bock writes a good piece of the well tempered Clavier.
Yeah right.
So more time passes, Jasbock is writing up his masterpiece. The Duke is flexing his power on him. After like a week, the Duke is like, has the concertmister changed his mind yet? And the jailers would go and ask him in jsboc and'd be like, hell, no, I haven't fired me. And then the dude, wut hear this? He'd be like that little okay, well he can stay in there.
Maybe he get his mind right. And then more time passes, the Duke would get curious and ask if the concertmeister had to change into thinking yet, and the jailers would ask him and he would change his mind and he'd be like, I need more pens and paper but no, and oh, by the way, tell the Duke to fire me. So the Duke would hear this and be like ha, and he'd like throw like a pork leg across the room in anger or whatever. Right, Now, keep in mind back is young, he's thirty two, and he's also super
about that bedlife. So he's got six kids, a wife at home, whoa, and he's locked up in a prison fortress for a month and doesn't know when it's gonna end. Yes, still doesn't give in. I impressed it, but that anyway. Finally, after a month of this, the Duke is like, is that catjs box still counting him on the living And everyone's like, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah he is. And he's like, okay, cool, we should let him out. I mean, I've changed my mind.
He's stubborn. I don't think we're gonna break him. He's really ruin in the mood in my court. Let him go. So they let him go, and I was like, all right, December. After a month inside jailers turn him loose, right, and he finally accepts of resignation. Now he can leave. So js Bach has sprung for the pen. He swoops up his brew to kids, his young wife, He splits town.
He heads to a new home in anhalt curtain right I mentioned earlier, Yeah, now that's where he would go on to write a Brandenburg concertos and do all the famous stuff. But I mentioned earlier how he, as a young man, also fought his students as their teacher. Yeah, when he was first starting out, before he was the concertsmeister at the Weimar Court, Bach was a music teacher, just a normal music teacher. Trouble for him was he was eighteen years old, dang, so his students were barely
younger than him. Some are actually older than him, and they often were bigger than him, so he got very used to them not treating him with the appropriate amount of respect that he at least expected. Consequently, Bach wasn't a big fan of his students. So also he's his hot headed musical phenom and he's stuck teaching know nothings how to like not sound terrible on the harpsichord. Yeah, so he just hates it right, And some of his students were known hard cases, so much so that the
local city council referred to his students as scandalous. They are in the like, oh, that's the scandalous students over at such and such. Yeah, So for two years he's teaching this hard scrabble lot of n'er dowells and they've taken to making fun of him outside of class because they don't like him. And the students have all these taunting nicknames for their young teacher. They see them out, they follow him, they harass him because it's like, what are you gonna do outside of class? You can't do
anything outside of class? Right once again, but in German. Yeah, so it gets so bad that young Bok starts carrying a blade on him. It's only a matter of time until the inevitable occurred. The worst among the students, both in behavior and in musical talent, was a cat named geiers Bach. Yeah, and so there's three years older than Bach. He's the main bully of the bunch. He was also a bassoonist. Just thought I should throw that in there, bassonists.
One night, geiers Bach is out with the boys, and who do they see but young Bach out for an evening constitutional with his cousin Barbara Katharina. They're in the town's market square, so the center of town, and that's where geiers Back the boys is laying about and they spot their teacher Bock come into the town square, and so what do they do? They go harass him in the town square, only this time geyers Bach grabs like a big stick, like a broken piece of tree branch,
and he storms over to Bach. And this cat, geyers Bach is bigger than Bach, and I'm guessing he's also like had a few. So Geyer's Bach gets in box face and he spits all these angry hot words and if they have like an ignorant tone. He's like, if I have you been making abusive remarks about me? Teach you right? And Bach can sense the trouble le bruin, so he lies and he says, no, no, never, I would never make abusive remarks about you. Whoever told you
that he's a liar? Right? And so Geyer's Bach is like, okay, well maybe that's maybe true, but you've insulted my bassoon playing, and anyone who insults my bassoon insults me. So Bach is like, whoa chill guyers back, man, come on, But he's not hearing it, and he's not hearing it so much so that it explodes into this event. Well, rather than me just tell you about Elizabeth, I'd like you to close your eyes and I want you to picture it.
It's a pleasant summer evening in the walled town of Arntstat in the Dutch of Thuringia in what will later be eastern central Germany. At the moment, you are enjoying the sweet summer evening breeze as children gamble about the town square, running off their excess energy. As elders gather in small clusters on the edge, watching the exuberance of youth with their wizened smiles. You are in the middle, neither child nor elder. You are an adult of working age,
specifically the town's best bookmaker. You are well regarded for your artistry, and you make a living turning out beautiful gilded editions of beloved classics and new books penned by Thuringia's finest minds. You were on your walk home when you decided to stop and buy a small bowl of zweibelsupa and a slice of poppy seed strudel and sit for a short spell to enjoy the transition into evening.
But the pleasant evening vibe is about to be shattered by a local thug, a bassoon player named geyers Block. You don't see how it began, but you hear it escalate. You set down your cup of onion soup and your Strudel, and you turn your attention to the developing scene. See the much larger man, the local thug and bassoon player Geyer's Back, is brandishing some sort of large stick and threatening the young music teacher, Johann Sebastian Bach. You hear
geyers Back shout as his teacher, you dirty dog. Then he swings the branch with the clear aim to knock his teacher's head loose from his shoulders. But Bach is no young ninny. He reaches into his overcoat and draws out a knife. He lets the bully bassoonist see the blade's cool, steely reflection as it catches a glint of moonlight. Being ignorant as he is, Geyer's back charges in with the broken tree branch. It takes a few more slings.
Young Bach lets that blade sing in the air. He jabs and stabs as he dodges the angry bassoonist tree branch. You gasp when you see Bach thrust with his dagger at the midsection. Tryers back. The blade is lost in his overcoat and does not draw back. Bloody. It misses the bully bassoonist by a mere inch or two. Geyers Back tosses down his bro can tree branch and he tackles Bock around the mid section. The two young men crash against the cobblestone in the market. They continue to
wrestle and to throw blows. At this point other men and passers by rush into the scene to separate the two. Before Bob kills the bully bassoonist Geyer's back, the crowd pulls the two young men part. If you feel a wave of relief, you watch as the hot head back gets up, brushes himself off. His cousin Barbara Katherina helps him dust off, and then they go on about their walk. A few of his students, Geyers box crew have to hold the bully bassoonists back long enough for the music
teacher and his cousin to leave the market square. You sigh to yourself, just another night in downtown Arnstadt. Since he loved arguing before a court or a prince or a duke jays, Boch did not let this matter go on that evening attack, so instead he had his cousin Barbara Katherina come with him and be the star witness as he brought the matter before the town council of Arnstadt, and speaking on his own behalf was geyers Back, and
he spoke up for his actions that fateful evening. Now, geiers Back said that his anger was understandable since, on more than one occasion, in front of others in the youth music ensemble, his teacher jab s Bach had called him quote a nanny goat bassoonist. So the argument did not sway the town council, but they also ruled that no punishment was necessary. Kind of mixed bag of justice,
no harm, no fault decision, I suppose. Anyway, the town council did instruct the music teacher to try to win over his students so that way they didn't feel that they have to assault him in the town square. Anyway. Those are a few choice moments from the life of rebel bad boy Johann Sebastian Bach, which just goes to show you, Elizabeth, whether it's Sebastian Bach of skid Row or Johann Sebastian Bach, sometimes you're gonna get tackled for being a hothead, and that's just what happens when your
name Bach Sebastian Bach. Centuries may separate them, but their names and their public's reaction to their musical genius is the same. Some would tackle that guy anyway, and people always watching out they have that same reaction. What the buck is going on? So what's our ridiculous takeaway? Here? Elizabeth? Always ask yourself, what would Keith Richards do? That's a good rule. I'm gonna get you that a shirt. What's your ridiculous takeaway? People have been the same forever. You
should remember that when we're looking backwards to time. Yeah, you should remember that when we're looking at each other presently, remember that when we're looking forward at the future, people will always be the same. There's nothing new under the sun, just new technology here and there, but back to back people are mostly the same. You're in the mood for a talk box, Producer, D, what you got for us? Oh my god, I love.
Hey, producer D. Elizabeth and Sarah. My name's Jennifer. I'm calling from Miami, Florida, and I just heard your episode about the mass characters and the crimes. They admitted the reason why the University of Miami their mascot is the ibis is because it is the last bird to leave before hurricane and the first one to come back.
There.
You go have a great day.
Oh, that's cool. That's do to know. Thank you.
That is really cool. I'd love to learn something a strong skinny leg bird.
It's a good symbol too, yes, resilience and yeah, exactly, I love it. Well. Thank you for leaving that and for thank you for sharing. Yeah, thank you. You can always find us online Ridiculous Crime on our social medias and you can go to the iHeart app, download it and leave a talkback like we just heard. We love those. Please do that. And also we have our new Ridiculous Crime Pod account on YouTube, so go to Ridiculous Crime Pod and you can find it. I've said it wrong
in the past, so there you go. That's the correctly expressed. Also, you can email us if you like a Ridiculous Crime at gmail dot com. Please start your email, dear producer d thank you for listening and we will catch you next crime. Ridiculous Crime is hosted by Elizabeth Dutton and Zarin Brunette, produced and edited by the lead singer of the cover band Bachan Black, Dave Constein, and starring Les Rutger as Judah. Research is by Sebastian Bach's former hairspray consultant,
Marissa Brown. Our theme song is by the bond Jovi to Our skid Row Thomas Lee and Travis Debt. The host wardrobe provided by Botany five hundred guest Hara, makeup by Sparkleshot and Mister Under. The executive producers are Richie Sambora, Truther Ben Bolan, and former Team be cover photographer the man who invented the AquaNet hairspray fan Noel Brown. Why Say It one More Times?
Crime?
Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeart Radio four more podcasts. My heart Radio visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.