The Truth is Really Out There: The Long Island UFO Network

do you mean. There was this architect, Victor Gruen, and there's this thing called the Gruin transfer where he designed things purposefully to be have a confusing layout in order to get you to spend more time in a mall lose track of time. Is this like how when I kea you have to walk in and go through every aisle before you can get out. Is that the ground effect? I trans No. I think it's because that's sort of intentional. You feel like you're in a maze and there is

a map. I mean there are maps and malls, but it's sort of like the elevators or the escalators are a little bit kimbos sometimes in malls and you have to really wander around to get up and down and interesting. And again no clocks. The casino things definitely, no clocks, no windows. So in conclusion, in summary, getting lost in them all ridiculous. I'm gonna take your word for it. Well that was a good one. I want counts now, I got one for you. How about the story? Uh

one that's set in the nineteen nineties. It's a very X Files inspired tale of a network of UFO skywatchers in Long Island, New York. That's not the ridiculous part. This group is led by a conservative political hopeful. Okay, that's not the ridiculous part. He was a retired court bailiff. Still not the ridiculous part. His colleagues included a self professed time traveler. Is that the ridiculous We're getting there.

He had a friend from college who was a scientist whose day job was working for a government defense contractor not so ridiculous. But eventually, the leader of this group, the retired bailiff, he comes up with a plan to assassin nate his Republican political rivals, the local political leadership, and his plan is to use radioactive material. Oh we want, But it's even better than that. He's going to sneak into their homes and lace their toothpaste and spike their

Italian dinners with radioactive nuclear only the Italian dinners. There's a whole story about that. We'll get into it. This is Ridiculous Crime, a podcast about absurd and outrageous capers, heists and cons. It's always murder free and one ridiculous. Elizabeth, you ready for this one? I am. What do you know about UFOs? That it stands for unidentified flying objects? Very good, and that they come at night and take us away? Okay, very good. Have you ever seen one? No? No, okay, Well,

the first recorded UFO sighting in America was in sixty nine. Yeah, it happened in the Massachusetts Bay Colony. The founder, the co founder of the colony, Governor Georgor J. Winthrop or Winthorpe rather, he documented this event in his diary, and in his March first diary he's talked of a group of men who are on the Muddy River. I don't know the Muddy River, but apparently it's is it? I don't know. I thought maybe you'd know about it anyways,

But I'm this thing called the Muddy River. And they look up and they see what they described like to be a flaming pig. Yeah, I mean, it's it's not exactly their words. How they put it was And this is what Winthrop wrote in his diary, and I quote when it stood still, it flamed up, and it was about three yards square. When it ran, it was contracted into the figure of a swine. It ran as swift as narrow towards Charleston, and so up and down about two or three hours. So in this when they're running,

running in the sky means like flying. They don't have a word for flying, because you know, I mean, they do for birds what I'm saying, but they for this object, they're not going to describe it. It was running across the sky. Okay, I'm glad you will, George, you know

he appreciates it. Um. So this great green light disappears and these this group of men in their little dingy boat on the muddy river, they find themselves a mile up river and they're like, whoa, oh, so they lost track of lost track of time, and they moved against the current a full mile. So they're like, that's just

not right. Yeah. Now, that was the earliest UFO sighting, and since then there have been a series of I don't want to say ridiculous, and I'm not going to judge them, but all sorts of sightings that border on the ludicrous border on the ridiculous, and some of them are very scientific. So they run a arrange. Has anyone else seen the hot pig? No one else mentioned the hot pig in their diaries from the time that I know of. Now they may have, and that just hasn't

come to me yet. Okay, yeah, let me know if you see anything. I will keep you abreast of any flying hot pigs, flaming pigs, sorry, hot pigs, hot pig, hot pig coming through. So this great green light, the this UFO in the sky, this becomes kind of a I don't want to say an American phenomenon because it's

not exclusively American. It's there everywhere everybody sees the people on every continent have seen UFOs, right, But in the American milieu of UFO sightings, it was something that just would bubble up from time to time and people would talk about it. But around the nineteen nineties it starts to become a thing. Right, So the number of reported UFO sightings were about three nineteen for the year. Now in the number of UFO sightings. It's spiked a bunch.

Can you guess how many numbers? How many was nineteen? I don't know, five hundred thousand, note like a year. Let's say, I'm you're wilder with math than I. You know what, I just I like to ballpark it. You just gotta get close enough for government work. I say six thousand. You are definitely close enough for government work. It was seven seven. I did it. Look at you.

I'm really impressed, thank you. So why do you think that it was Why do you think the sudden spike in the nineties the aliens trying to show up because they needed to get involved in the culture. What was going on in the nineties that in the nineties, uh, grunge music boy bands. They wanted to go see Nirvana alive well sort of the tail end of hair metal. Yeah, they could catch Deaf Leopard while the one our drummers

still banging gangster rap, gangster. They wanted to see what easy you had to say about I don't know what you tell me. Okay, we'll going with my man akam. The simplest explanation for why that spike occurred was a TV show, Oh I know, September a TV show debut called The X Files. Good TV show. You like that? Did you watch it? Yeah? I totally watched, Like did

you watch it? I didn't. I didn't watch it initially, but I came to really like it later on when I when I was around people like you who would watch it, who told me you got to check this show, so you initials. Yes, my brother anytime anything about My brother never watched it, and he liked to make fun

of me for watching it. And so if I had said anything was like weird or curious, he'd be like, oh, tell me more molder, but he'd like, get a little speech, and I might have done a couple of jokes similar to your brother. I feel like that would be on brand. Yes, that is very true. I just remember what got me

was the Smoking Man. When I saw an episode and that dude was in it, I was into the whole, Like what the fans I have learned this called the myth arc, like the Big Black Goo and all that storyline. That's what I was there for. The Monster of the Week. Show really didn't do a lot for me, but that big arc I liked, and that smoking Man dude, he does looked like a I don't like a truck stop motel ashtray like probably smells, you know. I'm just like

that dude has been throwing. Meanwhile, he's like doing super spy guys stuff with the aliens. Like, I just thought that was hilarious. So now remember the shows catchphrase the molder Molder had the UFO poster. I want to believe, right, is that it? I thought it was the truth is out there? So yeah, I think the tagline though for the show, You're right, the truth is out there? Okay, Well, that phrase the truth is out there became the catchphrase the unifying principle for the hero or anti hero of

our story. How many people do you think have the Truth is out there tattoos? Oh? I don't know seven thou exactly exactly? I want to know. I want to see people's best X files tattoos. That'd be cool. Yeah. The other thing that I like, aside from fandom tattoos, when I say like I used that loosely, um, I

enjoy looking at an art because it's so bad. It's sort of changed though, but it used to be, like, I don't know, ten years ago, you could go on Etsy and search fan art and see like some of the worst art you'll ever seen in your entire life of someone trying to like sell a picture of Matthew McConaughey that looks like a kid with one arm tied behind their back made an attempt. It's like five dollars, it's so good anyway, I got I'm sorry, I'm just

now daydreaming about X files fan art. Really bad versions. Go ahead, that's what we're here for, daydreaming. So the anti hero that I had mentioned earlier, his name was John Ford, just like the American filmmaker Yeah right, and john Ford was also into the big American myths, so only the big American myths. He was into where that the U. S. Government was lying to us. They weren't let my exactly. So in john Ford gets involved in UFO investigations. There is this UFO that ashes on the

East coast. According to the September A bunch of people the report that they have this sighting of an orange light streaking across the night sky, right another flaming pig. Now, Ford is convinced that it was a military helicopter that had shot down a UFO and the UFO was crashing after like a sky battle. That was what he saw. Other people saw an orange light just tracing its path

to the Earth. And the official explanation was at the military choppers that were in the area that Ford saw, we're shooting out aerial flares, and those aerial flares you used to light up the water so that they could see these fishermen who have been washed from their boat, and that that's what they were there to extensively seconds exactly not John Ford's story. No flying pigs, flying pigs. Yeah,

he's looking there for the flaming hot pig. So he found something called the Long Island UFO network, right, and this is a loose caball of fellow amateur ufologists like him. He found it. Yeah, founded, Oh found it. I thought it was like, all of a sudden, tripped over. What is this? Oh look, it's the Long IK's like a tiny building somewhere, a very small movie now. But so he basically creates this group and their whole goal is to prove that the U. S. Military just shot down

a UFO and is in fact involved an interstellar warfare. Well, god speed, you gotta have goals, right, just start up high. So the group, though they can't find any evidence because the alien was ship was apparently shot down over the sea, and they don't have submarines and they can't really gather anything. So they're talking to locals. They get a bunch of information,

but nothing happens. But four years later Ford in his Long Island UFO network, they jump back into action in the investigation world because this time a UFO crashes, but it doesn't crash into water. He crashes on land. Now they have something to investigate, crashes in a forest. So I want you to picture it. Yes, I said four years is actually three years, but it could be four years if you count all the months. The X Files

will debut the very next year, so excited. About seven pm on November, a man alone in his car is driving on something called Sunrise Highway. It doesn't matter, but basically it's paralleling the Montak Highway. And between these two highways is this stretch of woods, right, so just imagine East coast woods too high. So basically is driving down the road down some next to some woods. There you go. He's looking south and the man sees an alien spacecraft

in the sky, or so he thinks. The man later described it and I quote tubular in shape with two large bright blue lights on each end, with a bright white light in its center. Who structure was composed of a dull, metallic gray texture. You know what that sounds like, hot pig sounds exactly too bright white. Okay, So the alien spaceship it's you know, running across the sky, as Winthrope would have said, and it then makes a hard right turn like I'm talking a full on night return,

which no earth bound aircraft could do. We don't have a flying craft. Distinctions that you always hear is that the the lights will suddenly and the sky will suddenly make a sharp turn, the one that we couldn't do it to speed we're most likely caused the person the pilot to lose consciousness, right this pilot, if it was

a actual alien spaceship, they have something go wrong. And if this hard nighty degree turn, because the ship suddenly starts to fall from the sky and it's gravity tugs into the earth, the UFO traces his bright arc and that's what the guy driving watches, and then all sudden it crashes into the wood right near that driver. So the driver he notices a brilliant white beam light up the sky and he said that day turned tonight. That's

how bright it was. Night turned today. What did I say, day turned tonight turned yes, night turned to day the opposite. It was so bright, so exactly around the earth, and it blocked out the Okay, yeah, so night turned today momentarily, and then the woods caught fire. Yeah. So the man's like, oh jeez. He turns his car around, he starts driving back towards the UFO crash, and everything's on fire. I'm gonna go to the source of the crowd exactly. He's

a curious type. I respect his game. And he gets there, and by the time he gets there, there are already military helicopters that have landed on the highway already. I don't that's that's what all the news stories say. They had already been landed. Men dressed in black, wearing military style clothing but with no insignia or rank. They jump out of these choppers and they start trading, basically trying to control the area. They won't let anybody drive into

the woods where the crashes. They blocked those lanes and they start directing traffic. Then local police and park police come and they also start to help the man. He's like, I don't know if I get around them. That he's a local, he knows the past. But he keeps driving and eventually finds a place to pull over near the woods, and then he sees the tremendous fire burning in the thicket of woods and he's like, yeah, I'm with Elizabeth, not for me to do. When he drives away. See good. Now.

For the next four days, the park, which was typically open to the public for whatever they wanted to do, was closed. And the official reason that the government gives is that the park is closed for duck hunting. Now, I looked it up. Duck hunting in New York following federal guidelines because this was in New York, was not allowed after sundown. Of course, the park would normally be closed after sundown, so they only have to get rid of the daytime hours. So this park, though, wasn't typically

enforced by men in black and military choppers. So there are some issues that you know, I didn't know that the military had anything to do with hunting seasons. I didn't either. This is all new to me. I'm not a hunter as an aside as you know, I like to do I think that we should get black military clothing and then a chopper. No, we don't need a chopper, but I think that if we put on I want to see what would happen if we dressed up like military people and and went and tried to get people

to do something in public. Not nothing bad, like just go into like a supermarket and tell everyone they have to leave. I think I need to get a haircut. I don't think you're dreadlocks with the men in black. Look, I don't think they were like, wow, they're really uh drafting all sorts these days ususually dreads and me just bedraggled, just like this disheveled woman is telling me, okay, we'll hire people. I just think it'd be interesting. How much

are people willing to do? Yeah, if you're in like sort of military, I think we could get a lot going on. Like I'm going to have to think on this. You get on Amazon, get us some black clothure. So the real reason of why all this is going on, and the men in black and the choppers, none of this is missed by our man john Ford. He knows the answer. Yes, yes, just like that dude, what's Georgio a Sukalos. I'd look this up. The dude like he's from ancient Aliens. I just know him as ancient alien

guys with a crazy hair. His name is Georgio Sukulos. Yeah, so yeah, Mrs Sukulos would have been all about john Ford's the conclusion because it's simple Aliens alien. It was Aliens. So now John Ford and his Long Island UFO network, they finally have a solid thing to investigate that got this fire. They got all the evidence, so they just have to wait for, like you know, the police to allow them in. This takes many days, but eventually they

are able to go in and start investigating. But before they do, john Ford starts his official report of the events that transpired that evening and I quote, we knew that something crashed into the park that night, and we have bit by bit been able to finally put the picture together. I Winness accounts of confirmed that a fire was reported immediately after. Thanks John, there was a fire, so local firefighters that came out to stop the fire.

We're from brook Haven National Laboratory Fire Department. If you know brook Haven, it's a nuclear lap So that meant to John full cover up right, but if we're saying that some sort of aircraft that crashes, perhaps the best people to address that kind of situation are not the local volunteer fireman. But totally well, they happened, Brookhaven happened

to be really close. Both like um logical that they would be the ones to respond, But then also your point is well made that you would want these professionals who deal with more emergency situations in the local costic materials or that kind of exactly, or little alienmen scrambling around running up trees exactly kind of watch them catch him as hurting cats. I swear, can you catch everyone? John Ford is convinced the Brookhaven though involvement that's hanky.

He's like, no, no, no, son, there's no reason they need to come over here and do that. So he makes a note in his official report, which is like in a spiral bound notebook. Exactly after five maybe six days, the park is finally reopened. Right, so Ford and his crew is UFO crew go rushing in and they have to get all that they can. So here and I

returned to his official report. We found an area that was burned out and some trees were bent over a section looked like it had been plowed over by machinery. We were getting a higher than normal radiation reading in the area, higher than regular background radiation, and the fence line in that area had no magnetic reading. Something had stripped away the magnetic charge of the fence. Oh yeah, right, wild stuff. I don't know what any of that means exactly.

He had, like, you know, a Geiger counter out there. The crew did, and they were, you know, checking the rank and readings on the radiation and they said, oh, this is higher than average. I don't know what they said about this, you know, like maybe they were really good and they were like, oh, we've got you know, data for the last few weeks months. I don't know if they just like went out there like a couple of days before. It's like, what was the last reading

we had in our notebook? John checked the spiral notebook. They're looking in the manual from their radio check Geiger counter. Yeah, Like, I have no idea. They don't mention this in the official report, but before then, does have something very strange occur and that helps him in his investigation. A firefighter steps forward and says, I've got a tape for you. This is totally like out of the X file. He'd

recorded footage of the crash site. Yes, secretly. And so now Ford has this tape from the UFO crash site. So what's on it? What do you think is on it? Um, little dude scrambling around running up? You nailed it? So and I quote Ford says, I can't say where I got it from. These people who supplied the tape are afraid that the government will go after them. One of the major problems in researching UFOs is that people are afraid of sounding like lunatics when describing strange, unexplained events.

You get involved with things that the government doesn't want people to know, and they can make life pretty tough for you. And he's not wrong about that, and he goes on, we are still actively investigating this event. We believe that an extraterrestrial craft with aliens crashed that night in the park, and we are out to prove it. This is possibly one of the greatest events in the history of man is John Ford told the local press.

So what the heat? What is on the tape? I know right, We'll be back after the short break and I'll tell you all about the Long Island UFO network and the tape that they discovered and what is on it with the little men running up and down the tree. I can't wait. So where were we, Elizabeth? You were going to tell me what was on this video tape? Yes, well, the UFO crew, they this gang of UFO geeks what

will eventually turn into assassins with radioactive material. First they have to have the hard proof that they can build the foundation of belief on. And this tape is their hard proof. This is such a wild jumpy like radioactive assassins. Okay, So I'll need to tell you a little bit about John Ford and then I'll get you right to the tape. My man, john Ford, he was a court bailiff, as I told you, right, He went to college. He's an educated man. He went to St. John's University in Queens,

New York. He graduated. He then went on to earn a master's degree, and then that's when he took a job at the Brooklyn Criminal Court as a bailiff. So he's a bailiff with the master's degree, Masters in Public Administration. So he's also a very kind hearted guy. Everyone who knew john Ford described him. They'd say that John ford Um. He would adopt dogs from the pound. He delivered emergency

supplies where people were affected by a local hurricane. He was also the type of person who would cry when he struck a cat with his car. Well, I would hope. So, no, I'm not trying to be like a jerk about it. But not every human being he's like you, or they're going to cry when they had a cat. And this guy is a court bailiff. He's a man who carries a gun for his living. I just wanted to let you know he's a soft version of a man who carries a gun for a living in the sense that

he cares about the loss of life. It is not something he expects and rationalizes a way. It's just like a cruel world. It's not running down Kitti kats on the highway. No, he's not, definitely not doing that. So basically my point is, dude as a big heart, and he's college educated, right, okay, But he also he never got married. He was engaged twice, but he never got married. Neither engagement lasted yet, so he remained his mother's constant companion.

He lived with his mom until she passed away in the nineties. Now, Catherine Ford, his mother, she was the one who got him into politics. She was big into local politics. She ran for local offices over and over again. In fact, she pushed her son to do it. She got him to found the local Conservative Party Club, that's what he called it, Conservative Party Club. And he threw his club's support behind his mother's candidacies. And she never

won in a single election. Yet over time john Ford and his mother they both kind of get angry and bitter at the locals. They don't think the Republicans really appreciate what they want to bring to local politics. Right, So this bighearted john Ford, he starts, you know, turning his energies inward, and he starts a weapons collection. He gets bulletproof fest and Ammo knives of all kinds. Right, he starts reading Soldier of Fortune magazine. He's just like

feeding these fantasies of getting violent revenge. So this bailiff bind you. As I mentioned before, he's supposed to carry a gun, right, so he's not that good with a gun. He's not known he's able to pass his his gun exam, so he can like still legally that you know, carry the gun. But nobody'd be like, hey, crack shot, why don't you come over here? And exactly, So he's mostly other than his weapons collection, he's known for collecting trains.

He had apparently a great model train collection. So basically the dudes like a big kid. He's reading Fortune magazine, he's collecting knives, and he's got a train collection that he and his mom wanted to be involved in local politics, which is sort of like the lifeblood of American democracy right ground floor. And if they feel they can't get in, like this backlash against the system they want to be in so badly this the government, Like I mean, I can see it doesn't make it right, but it's like

you can see the psychology behind it. You know, they've been they feel kind of denied and and that will play out over and over again. But it also tells me they're underlying issue gentle and generous. So I like that about So this big kid with his knife collection and his model trains and his inability to to you know, hit a target with a gun captain red flag because he's focusing At this point, his mother passes away, right and he's left on his own. He lives in the

house by himself. He starts focusing on his Long Island UFHE network, which he is the president of, so it gives him some level of power. Injures his back at works, so he has to quit, he has to retire as a bailiff, and he just basically starts to focus on being a you know, a ufologists essentially right, but also the leader of men, like the leader of this group.

So when the crash occurs, john Ford becomes convinced that in that crash that I told you about in the woods with this spaceship, that seventeen aliens died in this crash. Where the number seventeen comes from, I couldn't quite tell you, but he just because one plus seven equals eight, and if you ate the food that they were putting in your brain from the government, you would know that one more than eight is nine, and nine plus eight is

a number of lives that a cat has. And he will not he will not laugh when he runs over a cat. There's the bow on the top, thank you, all tied up in red. I'm gonna put that in my official report. So he speaking official reports. He starts compiling, as I told you, his official report of the accident, and he gets that tape. Right now, he's convinced that this tape will give evidence that the brook Haven National Laboratory is hiding these seventeen aliens that were part of

the crash. Do you think he has like a big tan filing cabinet in his home and that all the official reports for all the various incidences are in there as well as like phone bills and he just doesn't want to throw away because he doesn't want the garbageman to have his personal Yes, I do think there were certain hoardings in my head and organization of bureaus and file cabinets and so Ford with his video tape that he got from the firefighter who secretly recorded it on

the scene. He takes this because now that he's an unemployed bailiff and his mother's gone, he takes the video on the road. He starts going to UFO conventions and conferences and he will show anyone and everyone who will watch it, and he's like, I'm from the Long Island UFO network. We've got this fresh tape that is changing the landscape of ufology right now today, people are like, really, wow, there's one problem though, the tape sucked the quality. The

quality was terrible. You could barely make out what was happening because it was at night with a video camera. And apparently the video allegedly showed men in black covering up the suspected UFO crash site and they were putting like silvery, silvery milon covers over what looked like a human like figure. That's what he had. No like, this is an alien. He's just like, oh, I can see a leg and I think an arm, and oh, there goes the sheet those shocked blankets exactly, Okay, So there

that that was his big reveal. Uniformed men placed silvery milar coverings on what looked like maybe a small child in the woods. I wish I were there for for when they recorded that, because I'm sure it was amazing. I wish I was there as someone whose conventions or conferences and they be in the front row. What that's it? Well, no, you know, it's gonna be totally divided. You're going to have people like Ford who are totally believing this and

no one in their bones to be true. But then how terrifying is that is that if you know something and everyone is like you're crazy. You know, like, that's got to be a crap feeling. But then you're also going to have the people who are sitting there like arms crossed the video ends, they like, comes down it. I want to see that that debate. I just like, you know, a room full of nerds turning on each other and as one I you know, I'm talking about as I'm saying, I love this kind of stuff. So

the tape is a hit on the conference circuit. It's also questionable. So some people you pretty much called it. Some people are like, this is the proof we need. Other people are like, what are you talking about? Or what I've always wanted to do? After a presentation, just go boring. We need to get you to more presentations. Don't bring that can occur. We can make this one stirred up the courage to do it someday hopefully. Now.

One thing I've kind of left out is that one of the crashes, this alien crash, when I hit the forest, the forest that later crash, the UFO crashed into the woods. Another UFO crash in the woods the second one, and we had one right, So in ninety five, the UFO crashes into pine barrens, right, and I couldn't read that without hearing like Polly like walnuts in my head talking about the Russian Is it the interior decorator? Decorator? Remember so well? I love that episode, I really do. Yeah,

think of Sopranos. Oh yeah, I'm sorry. We should mention it's the Sopranos if you don't know this television series, The Sopranos aired on HBO. The Barrens episode I say too much stuff where I think that everyone knows I'm talking about. Yeah, we should probably clear that reference. That's good. I like that. Throw an anchor here, much like Tony Soprano had his like crew of ne'er do well criminals and loyal partisans but basically sold thank you, that's the

term soldiers. My man john Ford had his, and I want to introduce you to the crew. Ready, we've got the loyal right hand man government name Steve. I have a own a. He was the vice president of the Long Island UFO network. He had business cars. Yeah, he was an electric contractor. He was a big burly dude. He was also sort of guy who believed he was always under surveillance from men in black. That's the point right now. There was also the KG veteran investigator him

government name Preston Nichols. Yeah. Now, Nichols was a heavy set, fifty year old dude. He lived with his father and in his bedroom he kept a rock collection. In the driveway, he had parked an old school bus. It was it was a project he was working on. He planned to convert the school bus into a quote mobile UFO investigative unit. Now, if you're wondering, hey erin, what does one keeping their mobile UFO investigative unit? Don't worry, I got you covered right.

Nichols kept him his school bus slash mobile UFO investigative unit quote, a mind detector, a Geiger counter, a magnetic detector, a gas detector, and I and his nation detector detector. The first time I read it, I thought it said mime detector. I was like, why would he need to

know where mimes are? Because they're sneaky? Yeah, because because they're silent, you don't need Because he could have the school bus and he starts it up and then his son doesn't feel right and there's a mime clinging to the undercarriage as like magnetic Yeah, and you're not going to hear them silent killers's the silent per This KG

veteran investigator Nichols. He believed that his UFO buddy john Ford was getting too close to the truth, and he tried to warn him, basically going like, hey, man, I don't know, they're getting real close. We gotta be smart. Son, And like, you know, four was a little more confident because you know, he was in the courts, he was a bailiff. He knows how power works. He's like, look,

it's an insider. I'm not afraid yet. And they're like okay, right, and he's like yeah, because Nichols is like, man, you got to be smart about this because one day it's going to cost you your life. Now he was kind of close, kind of close because it did cost him a lot. So we have for what is the president? Nichols is the VP I have a rone is the vp MS. He's the KG investigator. He's our veteran investigator. He's the one with the school bus. I'm just trying

to keep picture in my head. Now. You also have to keep in mind Nichols is also the one who was a time traveler. Remember I told you there's a time traveler that's Nichols, and he's a time traveler. Yeah, and he lives with his dad and he has a rock collection. He's if I wrote a short story about this, people be like, stopped, this is just mean yeah problem, yeah, no, the reality is always better. I'm telling you, it's wild.

So this dude, Nichols, he told the Washington Post and I quote, yes, I didn't believe in time travel until I saw evidence that I had time traveled. I just love that quote so much. How do you see evidence that you time traveled? Good question. What turns out was he had been watching the news and he saw himself on TV, the local news show, this firefighter fighting one of the fires in the woods with them. So he

sees his Firefighter's like, that's me. That's younger me. Come from the future or come from the past rather, And I've been sent to the future to gather up evidence of the aliens because we apparently know that they're trying to hide it. I'm like, I don't think that's how it works. I think you send yourself from the future to the past. That's on the past, and it was him fighting a fire. Yeah, you know what if we see ourselves on TV? That was past us doing whatever

because it's not lie. But I like the future him apparently the same timeline because his past self was the one who was sent into the into the forward in time. He doesn't have any memory of this. He just sees himself and he's like as a kid who as a young as a young man. He's zapped forward in time to work as a firefighter in a local National Laboratories fire department by whom the people of the future who are also in the past. I don't know, I don't know.

To get out of that school bus in Hay. He's got too many electronics and too many chemicals. He needs to touch grass, so definitely some hard grass, maybe like a roll in the grass, not just touch it like put it all over. Now, the best friend from college was also part of the crew. He was part of this Long Island UFO crew. So we have the best friend from college, turn defense contractor employee, last member of

our crew, government name Edward Zabo. Edward, he's a forty nine year old electrical inspector and he works at Northrop Grumman Groman. So now he was the plug for the radioactive waste that will come into the assassination plot. Yeah, right. So leading up to the nuclear assassination plot, john Ford starts experiencing a series of devastating personal blows. I've already told you about one. He injured his back and he loses his job. He loses his mother two years later.

So in ninety three, he loses he injured his back, his mother passes away. Now he's alone in the world, untethered. So what does he start doing. Starts hanging out with local small time criminals. Well, why not, you know, he just needs to meet interesting people, the stories to tell. Ye, that's the place, right. So the KG veteran investigator Nichols, he was the one who I told you believe his

younger self was a mysterious firefighter from the past. Now he was the one who would basically act as kind of the voice of reason for john Ford. You can start to see where the problems are, right. So Ford his meanwhile focused on this government cover up of the UFOs that keep crashing near him. They crash in the ocean, they crashed in the woods. He's like, they're shooting him down.

There's clearly a fight going on. They're hiding their dead bodies at the brook Haven, and he decides that is the local Republican political leaders in Suffolk County who are the key to all of this is they're the ones who are managing the cover up, the ones who wouldn't vote for him, the local supervisor of Suffolk County. Yeah, all right. So he's like, you know what I need to do. I need to start keeping one of my thirty five firearms on me at all times because I

don't know when things are going to pop off. Yeah, good idea, right, you see, the ideas are starting the snowball. And then he runs into the real trouble that I mentioned earlier. We decided to start hanging out with small time criminals. So he finds his local hoods and he's like, why don't you come live with me in my house that my mother not used to show. You don't mind my mother's body in the rocket chair upstairs. I wear

her dress on weekends. But it's cool. So this forty two year old hustler named Joseph Massuccelli, he was the career criminal of the of the crew. You know, he's the one who brought in and he's a very bad criminal. He is not good at it. Yeah, Joseph Massucelli was described as a tough talking farmer Junkyard employee. I's like, what's he like, Well, he's a tough talk of farmer yard employee. Now he was also known as you asked around people be like, oh, Joe Massacelli, He's a wiry,

tattooed hot rotter. That was another description locals gave of him. The police referred to him as a convicted burglar. That's what they called him. Now Ford takes liking to him. He's like, Joe, you need to move in with me and my mom's you know, whatever vibe that's still in the house. It works out that luckily Joe of Massacelli, he believes in UFOs, so he doesn't have to convince

him of the truth. And also he's like, you know, the tough talking former Junkyard employees is really like apparently good for john Ford's sense of like the familial bonds. They become like almost like brotherly. I'm guessing maybe not maybe more intimate than that. I don't really know what. I'm not going to speculate, but they start making they spread, sharing home and making a home to hot Pig exactly flaming pig brought them together and he keeps them together.

So this Joe Massacelli, Uh, he becomes the kind of like care function for john Ford. Right. He no longer cares for his mother, so now he transfers that to Joe. He gives Joe a cell phone so you can always call him in case, like any of the bad people try to grab him off the road or whatever. He also gives Joe money and a credit card in his own name to use. Then he gives Joe one of his guns. Show is probably thinking checkpot. So the powder

Kega set fuse is all laid out. All we did do is is touchdown the radioactive spark and we get this thing going. Now. The last piece to fall into place is a man named Kevin Cotch. Kevin Cotch, and he enters the story as a friend of Joe Massacelli. We'll be back after this short break and I'll tell you how Kevin Cotch turns his whole thing nuclear. Okay, Elizabeth, We got john Ford playing house with Joe Massacelli, who's

given a credit card and a gun too. And now Joe massacelis brought around one of his friends, a small time criminal, and he's trying to uh, you know, sell the gun that he was just given by john Ford because he needs to make a little pocket money money. He's like, hey, Kevin Cotch, why don't you come by the house and I'll sell you that gun. So the Cotches like, hey, man, you guessed it. He like rolls

over to the house. And so Massicelli and Ford they spend the night hanging out, right, and they're just like, you know, just the three of them and uh john Ford's dogs, right, and they're just like chilling there. And now you have to understand the just picture like an older woman's house, right, you know, you're gonna have like lots of like doily framed photos and everything. So that's what that's what I want you to picture. In the backdrop, will these men describe to each other how they would

kill the local politicians with ray you active waste. They're just sitting in this nice old woman so fun exactly. So they just keep talking about how these local politicians got to go down, right, and Massa Shelley He's like, yeah, John, that's true, man, we should do something about that. Yeah, what do we can do? All these knives and guns and your model train collection. We can mess them up or whatever, right, and Cox getting involved to and he's like, yeah, man, totally, man,

you got knives, we could do them wrong. He's like no, I've got the way. And so then he tells Cock. He's like, yeah, man, I got this plug for radioactive waste goss like what. He immediately goes to the police and he's like, I got a story for you. So now we have the snitch of the UFO crew. So

Coach goes he tells the police. He's like, man, there's this guy John Ford in your town and he's got this plot to assassinate all the local Republican leaders and he's planning on using like I don't know, radioactive isotopes he was telling me, and I think it was specifically something called radium. And they're like are you for real right now? Like sir, how high are you? And he's like no, I got evidence. Man. They're like, okay, how

about this? Would you wear a wire to this place for people are talking about killing people with a radioactive wastings? Like and you batman, because you see, I got this bust and maybe you guys could take off the books. And so they work at a deal and he's like, okay, so he gets a wire and he goes back to john Ford's house and then he's gonna walk in and that dinghis is gonna be like I have a tricky for wires because the sud exactly, because you know he's

super paranoid. Right, So Joe, Massy Shell and Ford or once again hanging out with his three fox terriers, which I forgot to mention earlier. John Ford has three fox terriers. So picture three fox terriers hanging out with these three men while they're like, you know, messing up grandma's doilies, and the men get to talking. The talk turns first from women in sex because you know, small time criminals, what are you gonna talk about? And just sitting around

shooting the ship. They're just sitting around, and they eventually go from women and sex to talking about UFOs because you know, john Ford's like, you know, we talked about the real stuff, and well it's like they used to say, sex drugs and rock and roll y, sex drugs and spaceship. So and eventually they get from sex drugs, spaceships to local politics and they tied it all together, right, and Ford it's like, yeah, man, speaking of local politicians, right.

So they start getting back on him, dreaming aloud about how he's gonna do radioactive ways to kill his rivals and is like, yeah, man, word tell me more. Go on, son, like, go get into some details, right, I'm just envisioning someone who looks totally different than what you're sounding like. And it's I've seen pictures of them. You're probably pretty correct,

but them talking like you're talking so good. So good Ford lays out his perfect plan to erase all the local Republican leadership and then they're like, so man, for how are you gonna do it? And he's like, okay, see I thought about it. I'm gonna sneak into their homes and then I'm gonna poison them with my radioactive waste. They're like, man, how you can just poison a radioactive waste? He's like, no, see, I told you I thought about it. I'm gonna sneak it in too things that they will ingest.

He's like, what do you mean, like it in their water? No, No, I'm gonna put it in the toothpaste. How are you going to put in There's the whole phrase putting the toothpastes exactly, it's impossible. He's like, well, yeah, you may have a point there. How about I'll hide it in

the parmesan cheese. He's like, how about this. I'm gonna put it in my mouth and I'm gonna sneak in and I'm gonna put their toes in my mouth while they sleep and just soak it in through their toes while I suck their toes exactly, saturate underneath the nail bed. I found the official files. I just read it. Well. He's all convinced that these guys enjoy um as he constantly calls them Italian dinners, and he's like, we just need to get into their Italian dinners and then they'll

eat it. And so he's thinking, like, you know, I got this yellow cake and like, bro, it's not uranium. I gotta hide it in the parmesan because that's yellow, right, that's sprinkle me, sprinkle it, baby, sprinkle. So for it starts bragging some more and he's like, yeah, man, see quote, I got that very dangerous stuff in the back of the truck, Like we could go over right now. He's just keeping rad hum in the back of his truck as I called him a dinghis Yeah, and so coach

is like, so, how dangerous is that? And for it's like, no, man's cool, man, I got it like in lead, and he's like, what do you mean. He's like, and I quote it's in a three lead container and it's leaking about five rankings per hour because he's to go out there and he's taking his like the equipment. Yeah, exactly, come over there with the mime counter, the mime detector, like NOME is present. It's safe, it's say, we should

be fine. It's just like in an old Cheetoh's bag and it's twisted up at the top band yeah yeah, real tight though, real tinfoil wrapped around the whole thing. Yes. So at this point, according to the police recording of the event, someone gets up to make himself a drink. So the police here like glink like ice cubes clinking

around in the glass. And then Ford gets loud again and he starts to focusing on his idea for this murderous uranium plot, right, and he's actually not uranium radium, but anyway, like his radioactive murder lot, and he's like, okay, you see guys, this isotope will start glowing in twenty four hours. I don't know if he's holding it up. And he says this, but she's telling this to these two small time criminals, who I imagine are very impressed.

They're just like, yes, I didn't actually do well in school, so this is really interesting. So the men are all laughing about the idea of these radioactive daeglo local Republican politicians. And then he's like, so like they're like, if you couldn't get it into their food, like say they're delicious Italian dinners, or into the toothpaste, where might you else place this radium? And he's like, well, that's a good point.

If that didn't work, and I quote, I could put it in a bag, take the little bag and put it underneath his car seat. So he's gonna just like exactly what you said, put in some like Geo's back and sham it under the car seat. And then just radium. If someone's in your car and they dropped food and like French fries under the seat and you kind of smell it for a bit. Yeah, he was like, what that radium? Is that a radium? No? No? Wait is it? No?

I think it's brilliant and the radium and they go to brush their hands through their hair all silk would style like the Meanwhile, Ford, at this point he's just crushing it. He's on a roll. Like the police are losing it because they're like listening to the wire and then you can tell Ford is building up and building up, and he's like he's bragging into these small time criminals about how he's gonna kill these local politicians with his

radioactive waste. And he's like, man, he starts talking about one of them, and the guy's name is Gazola, right, So he's like, does Gazola eat Italian food? Take the yellow powder and mix it in with chopped garlic, the radium in with the chopped garlic, man, And they're like, oh, that's genius, man, John old Man, you gotta do that. He's like, yeah, right now. Maybe it was the liquor talking,

I don't know. Before it he gets really carried away and he STI starts talking about how he'll kill the U. S President, the President United States with radioactive material, remember listening. So he's like, he tells the snitch and the career criminal and I quote, I'll kill that President Clinton. Up,

I'll do it. Yes, he's like good and drunk. Apparently pretty much all the cops need to hear what you say that you're going to put radioactive waste into the rectum of the president, man who is lives basically in fear of the government coming after him. And he was like, come after me, government, Yes, exactly without giant neon sign here at this house here, So well, Ford continues to muse in all the various ways that he can sneak radium into the rivals, tubes of toothpaste or they're Ford

one fifties. The police move into position yeah with a signal. The cops descend like a bear trap, snapping shut. The door breaks open, cops rush in. All three men are arrested. Now, if you can believe it, this was just the beginning of the madness. Yes, so, because there was the question, the question that was the most primary importance to the cops was the obvious question, where the hell did this

guy get this radioactive waste? Yeah, that's sitting in his truck. Yeah, he's just like driving around on with just like you know, it's in the back of my truck. So the next day the police officers and a radiation team. They go out and they check the house of Edward Zabo. Oh right, he works at the Yeah, and so that's how boom they found the plug. It was just that easy. Turns out Yeah zabos to connect so for his college best friend, the defense contractor employee turned part time assassin, he is

basically was doing it. Remember that Johnny Cash song one piece at a time. He's basically doing one piece at a time with radioactive ways. So in the song, if you don't know what Johnny Cash talks about this guy who works at a Cadillac plant and he takes one piece every day from home from work and he builds himself a Cadillac at home. But that's built over the years and it takes him years. So he has like one like the front fender will be from his sixties seven,

the steering wheels from his seventy two. So he's like the whole it's a great song, you should listen to it. He's zedard Edward Zabo is doing that with radioactive material. He's just collecting and he's putting in his like lunch box and going home a little bit in building up this huge turplus has totally fallen out, but he's just glowing. Yeah, he's a flaming pick so hot. So the police, mind you, they just go, you know what, I pet he may have some other stuff here other than like you know,

mime detectors and so forth. They check and they find all the makings for a dirty bomb. There are blasting caps, fuses, detonators, and of course all the aforementioned radioactive waste. So he gets arrested for a legal possession of weapons and explosives and the radioactive waste that he stole from work. Now ready for the glowing mistake in Ford's plan, Yes, his plan to kill these people, radium would have taken forever. He would He would have likely died before his targets

died from the radiation poison. According to nuclear experts, if Ford had gone through this planet tried to kill them, even if he had to put it in their toothpaste during their Italian dinners, it would have taken about twenty years for them to die. That's like if you wanted to kill someone, you planted a seed, you watered, the tree, you grew through, you really tall. It's a wait for a time to get them right, underneath and you cut it down. I mean, he's the dumbest assessination plot I've ever.

It didn't sound like a brain trust over at that place. Yeah, exactly. It's it's basically, if you're going to be using radioactive waste, radium is not the one you want to get something with a higher count. So just put that in mind now. Of course the police were a little bit more worried. They were not with the nuclear experts. They're like, this could have given everybody radiation sickness in ten days, and they're like freaking out about it, so they took a

slightly different tech. I like a freak out. I know you do, so forward. Meanwhile, he gets arrested, and he takes the time to write a hundred and two page manifesto because you know, of course he does. That's what does get arrested to write the manifesto, because you know he's got his You have Long Island, you a phone network to think of as a president and a leader of men. I'm excited to find out to whom he sent this manifesto, Well, I got one for you. He

didn't send it to any buddy, per se. He writes it and then he tries to distribute it. He basically tries to get it to his people and go get this out to everybody, kind of like the videotape. He's not like the UNI bomber's going to send it to the Washington Post. He just writes his manifesto, and he accuses the local Republican political machine of covering up for the Brookhaven UFO conspiracy in using forest fires to cover

their tracks in coordination with the US military. He also accuses them Brookhaven and the U S military and the local political leadership of trying to eliminate him. He then lays out in the rest of the manifesto all the reasons why they'd want to kill him, and he mentions, for instance, that he is a secret spy for the CIA. It has been since he was nineteen years old. Yeah, I'm sure of it. Yes. He had one problem with this. He couldn't prove it because he had never been paid

by the CIA. He had no receipts that he had ever been given a paycheck. It doesn't work that way, your brain. He was doing pro bono spy work. He was volt here, I get paid by X files episodes. That's my pay So Ford has been this key target of the KGB. Also, I meant forgot to mention that he was. Yeah, but if you don't know, the KGB was the intelligence agency, the equivalent of the CIA for the Soviet Union, and apparently they tried to kill him

five times, five times he survived every time. Yeah, this guy not only that, he saved President Reagan's life. Why am I not supprised? Of course? Now how did he do this? He stopped a KGB agent from joining the

Reagan for President committee before he was president. Oh my god, local politics and it's just some guy with like a Polish last name and he thinks it's a Russian last name who wants to get on there and he bullies him out of the out of like the Elks Lodge hall when they're having their meeting, all loud go back to Rosca. So also, of course, because it's the ninetc. Also had thoughts about AIDS and where AIDS came from. So he was like, you know that AID stuff and

andy Bola, they were both manufactured by what's your guess, Russia, aliens? Aliens. Yeah, I forgot about the Aliens were using AIDS in Ebola to depopulate sub Saharan Africa, very X files. It just makes so much sense exactly. He also claimed that there was lots of evidence that the U. S. Government had of these aliens, including the fact that President Nixon and Jackie Gleason had both seen the aliens. Remember that, Storry,

I'm not the only Kukola story. So if you want to hear that ridiculous history did a double episode, I tell that story. Back to his manifesto, Ford claimed to his hustler and friend and roommate Joe Massa Shelley. He claims that dude in his manifesto, mind you, he says Joe was also a spy. He was. Can you guess where from Joe's of spine, Joe Massacelli, where Israeli intelligence? He's from the massag of course, he just looks Italian.

So Joseph Mats Shelley was apparently a cover name. Oh yeah, yeah. Things start to unravel and Zabo was like, oh man, he washes his hands of this when he sees the manifesto immediately, Oh yeah, he exactly, They're glowing and he's like He's like, I plead guilty. So he pleads guilty as fast as he can for him. He's also promises to testify against Ford. He's like, look, I will tell you whatever you want to know. They put him on house arrestor like okay, don't go to work, and he's

like cool, that's fine. I'll just hang out here with my toys, and they're like cool now, Joe Massi Shelley, the alleged Israeli spy. He pleads guilty. He also goes, I will testify against John Ford. The guy has barely known him. Everybody's flipping. He totally flips. Ford is looking at seventy five years for his radioactive assassination plot, but he decides he's got one last gambit. He's going to

flip on the aliens. That would be amazing. Though. He's like, you know, I wanted to turn state's s evidence against z boor seven. He tries to turn state's evidence against himself. I will tell you the truth on John Ford. Now.

While he's on like you know, waiting for trial, he gets locked up in a prison mental health hospital because they don't want to put him in regular jail because clearly not like you know, hinged and uh, he's off campus at this point, fully off campus and yeah, he says that this is all according to his plan, right he and I quote he says, the court says, I'm not competent based upon these statements? Are they ravings of a madman or the writings of a perfect and master spy.

He alleges that his manifesto is proof of his brilliance because it makes him look crazy and the truth is in there. Also, He's like, look, I told the truth and it makes me look crazy. Who's not the master spy? Oh my god? So do you know he critiqued the bailiff in the court. He's like watching him. He's like looking at slouches. So what do you think, raving madman or perfect masters? Why not both? Who? I like that? Look at you? Broad minded? Well? One of the crew.

He's one of his crew, the KG veteran investigator, remember him, Preston Nichols with the school bus and the mind detector. He said, have his old friend Ford quote, he's as loony as they come, but he's a coherent loon. So the time traveler says he's crazy. I'm not buying the coherent part. But now apparently he says, he's you know, following a basically a will get to see and be willing be in between. He's like, that's coherence. I'm like, okay, bro, Now,

john Ford maybe crazy. We don't know. He may not be. I'm just willing to keep that open option. Maybe he is a master spy tricking us all. Let's just pretend right now now. If he is playing crazy to avoid a life in prison, that is brilliant, right. So whatever, now, no matter what, Ford still expects to get out of

this hospital one day. He's still alive. He's still locked up in a mental health hospital, and he will, once he gets out, reveal the truth of the alien is living amongst us, or, as Ford put it in a letter to his loyal right hand man, do you I have arone quote, I'll bring home the bacon for everyone. Then we'll rebuild the Long Island ufone network and destroy the cover up. And what did he write in closing of his manifesto, The truth is out there. Yes, it's

a ridiculous takeaway here. The ridiculous takeaway is that I would like to go to an event put on by the Long Island unifone network outfit. Yeah, and I would really like to try out my bulling thing after a presentation there and then get poisoned and killed. I think my takeaway is, again, like I said, if you really believe this stuff, it has to be so frustrating and terrifying to think that you know something a PC and

everyone's just like, no, you're you're crazy. Um, especially if it's something that you think, well, we're under attack by aliens. I mean, yeah, that would be a dire thing. If it were true. You would hope people would do what he's doing. And I think too that it's also you've got to be pretty ticked off if you're just a UFO person, like a person who is curious about UFOs or believes in it. And you know there are like

all like the Air Force and military sightings and stuff. Right, I've got a friend who's a big time so they're

like legitimate things that you can be talking about. But then it's like they get tainted by these goofballs who are yeah, it's like Jesus and that a lot of people mean well, And then you have other people who use it for weird stuff and you have a hard time deciding which is this person who's telling me this new story about Jesus or aliens are they meaning well or are they just like completely in the beroom powerful or mysterious thing is going to also elicit those who

are having some troubles on their own, and then it seeps into it. So I mean, you haven't trouble parsing reality, Aliens and Jesus can be real hard to make sense. So my ridiculous takeaway, thanks for asking the fact that my friends apparently don't try hard. Enough of them have ever come to me with an assassination plot for our local political leaders? Do we could get some radioactive monkeys because and Davis they got these radio actually radio active beats and dig them dogs up and we could do

some damage. But no, none of them have come to me with this. You guys are letting me down. They got up their game. Well, thanks for joining us. It's been a fun one, it has been. I'm Elizabeth Dunton. I would like to be Saron Burnett. You can be for right now. Try it on, see how it fits. You can find us online a ridiculous crime on both Twitter and Instagram. You got a tip for us about a ridiculous crime you'd like to hear about. You want to confess to a ridiculous Crime. Oh please hit us up.

Email is at ridiculous Crime at gmail dot com. Thanks for listening. Ridiculous Crimes hosted I visit the Dutton end Zon Burnett, produced and edited by Chairman of the Unidentified Flying Oakland Objects Network Dave Coustin. Research is by your Extraterrestrial lead investigator Marissa Brown. The theme song is by Thomas Phone Home Lee and Travis Alien Nation. Dutton Executive producers are Ben Beat Me Up Bowling and No Wait, I Don't see it Brown. Ridiculous Crime is a production

of iHeart Radio. For more podcasts to my heart Radio, visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.