Please, for the Love of God, Stop Singing: State vs. Linkhaw

for a spike in deaths, specifically heart attacks. On the Monday after daylight savings time, people who report to hospitals with the heart attack goes up by almost really why just to change in time and we're very sensitive creatures and we don't really recognize that. So people get stressed and all of a sudden or they get you know, their body is unsorted out if you will, and they get a heart attack. Boom, my goodness c D. Yeah. Also just the shock away TV. Hey, okay, b r B,

that's crazy. That is ridiculous. Literally, just one hour of time change hoses people to you know, have heart attacks will say, okay, that's that's bunkers. Yeah, we are very light sensitive. You know what else is ridiculous? No hit me with it singing so poorly that you get pinched for disturbing the piece. It sounds like something that could happen to me. This is a ridiculous crime. A podcast about absurd and outrageous capers, heists and cons. It is

always murder free and ridiculous. Um are you a good singers, Aaron, Yes, yes I am. I am a smooth voice baritone. You go, you go all in on your singing. I do. I do. I like to sing, even though I do abysmally I know, but I love that you're just like there for it. No, I think that my real Like I say, you say that I had a singing style, it's gusto. You're gonna love the dude, I'm gonna tell you about that. It sounds like one of my people. Oh yeah, completely, I'm

a terrible singer to how wouldn't say that? I sing for comic effects. That's not terrible in my book. But like I like to do what I call the junior high talent showing. You have you have to quote one finger to your ear like you're harmonizing in the studio singer totally, and you have to kind of alied over all the words because you're not a hundred percent sure what the words are. And then and then a whiny tone. I'm going to need an example. No, no, that's it

only works in person, and we are in person. Well, there's people listening. There are strangers listening. The other thing with junior high talent show singing is that, um, if possible, you you put the you put your say, index finger into one ear and then with the other hand you have to hold a pen is your microphone, and you use your pinky and your ring finger you tap it to keep time, kind of like Whitney Houston would do. You know, there's just a whole there's a whole thing.

So it's kind of personal. Maybe is just something you do, likeror No. I never did a talent show, never once competed because you know what, people gotta pay for my talent. Oh so if you're good at something, never do it for free, right like my celebrity impressions. So anyway back to singing, it's super I'm not gonna hit you. It's really incredible to be in the presence of someone who

has good pipes, right. Oh yeah, but you can can actually saying if you're like your oldis read his best friend, you're still oh completely Do you remember how an American idol people got really into the first couple of weeks because it was all the really crap singers. Yeah. I have a lot of musician friends, and that was their absolute favorite thing to do, is to gather together and watch those episodes, just dying how bad people could sing. And I, you know, as a bad singer, I wouldn't

defend them, but I wasn't nearly as entertained as they were. Right, But I mean, like people who go all in on bad singing, ridiculous hero my people. Right, I want to tell you a story about bad singing took place in Lumberton, North Carolina, in eighteen seventy two. Wow, not expect that not contemporary. Have you ever been to Lumberton? No, not

that I'm aware of. My father could probably possibly correct that, but I'm sure he's been there, so he's definitely he may have say, he may have taken me through, and I just do not know. Probably we did a lot of traveling. You may not know. You might not have noticed. It's kind of a small town in the grand scheme

of things. Twenty people say, yeah, and I'm imagine it's in like the hill country with the pines, and since it's Lumberton, it's well Yeah, it's that kind of liminal space between the coast and Carolina and the Piedmont region. So there's like piny woods, but there's swamps um and it's on the Lumber River lumber because they would transport lumber on it. Um. But actually I think that maybe they named it there's a there's I'll get into this anyway. Um, it's a big town for that area, Like what are

you talking um? But you know, from most other places you think, oh, it's tiny, and what it's it's I grew up in a small town of people people we would have laughed at, right. So in the late seventeen hundred's early eighteen hundreds, it was a big draw for a lot of people, both white and free. Families of color from Virginia moved to And again it's probably because

of the Lumber River. Um. The Lumber goes through North Carolina, crosses the state line into South Carolina because Lumberton is like just above this date line, and then becomes the little p D River and that's pe e d E not p period deep period and then the little p D flows into the regular p D and then goes down to Georgetown, South Carolina. So that's that sort of waterway up to get supply that Indigo out lumber out

whatever lumber to build bad stuff. And uh. In Lumberton, a high proportion of the population identifies as Lumby Indian. And uh, the Lumby Indian that's not really a big widely known populations. Who are the Lumbi Indians. Well, you know, this thing is that they are a recognized Native American tribe by both the state of North Carolina and federally, but they don't get federal benefits because there's no known treaty between the Lumbi and the U. S government, So

they never dealt with the US governments. And then now over time the US government eventually said, okay, we recognize you, but you are a sovereign nation inside of well, they never they were never defeated in a war, never removed from their land, so there's no treaty established with them. Um. But they're a pretty significant portion of the population. Um and uh. They also there's some overlay and bleed in

from like Iroquois in New York came down before settlers arrived. Um. And then there's like a back and forth and there's sort of a beef between the New York Iroquois and the faction in North Carolina. That's interesting the New York Iroquois. I wonder if they had some historic like you know, family lineage that they remember and the language is the same, and so yeah, that's why I would imagine that it must be. Yeah, So it's an interesting You've got this

really fascinating place. During the Civil War, Lumberton had resistance fighters working against the Confederacy for the Union, and they just wanted to like disrupt Confederate staff. So they're like they're attacking supply lines and boats going down the lumber but also just like holdings, like they went after the elite. And there was this one gang who was already established and like stealing livestock and stuff. That was like their

their gig exactly. And then during the war they went political and they really rose up against the white elites and it was like poor whites, people of color, free or otherwise joined together in this insurgency to take down plantations and stuff. It's like Fred Hampton's dreamed of the Rainbow Coalition bond. And then they just went like completely

ham on the power completely completely. So this I'm telling you all of this, not just because it's fascinating, but to kind of help you understand where we are in Lumberton. It's this really interesting place. So while it's small and it's pretty rural, I would say very rural, but people there don't think of Lumberton itself is rural. And they got a real strong spirit of defiance completely completely and so um it's a little bit more mysterious and interesting

because of the swampy nature. So the Warrens spoiler and then reconstruction began, and that's where we find ourselves. So I want you to imagine it Lumberton, North Carolina, in eighteen seventy two. Can you smell the reconstruction. It's a quiet Sunday morning. Walking down the street, you pass a simple wooden building. It's the Methodist church in town. The windows are open, you can hear the words of the pastor. And then now, I don't know what you're not. You're

not in church. I don't want to ask, you know, at this time, I don't think that's a very popular thing to not be in church on the Sunday morning. However, you hear the pastor announced to the congregation to hymn they're going to sing. They begin singing. It is absolutely horrible. It is unholy, terrifying. I want you to stop. Let's listen to some ads. I have to cleanse the palette, and then I'm going to tell you exactly what was

happening inside that little church. Yes, I'm gonna need some explanations. Yeah you are. So. When we left off, you were walking down the street in eighteen seventy two in Lumberton, North Carolina, cutting Church. I'm on my way. It's a Sunday, I'm cruising around. People are going, what's he doing out? I'm like, what are you doing out? Exactly? Turning around on them. You heard Sunday services coming from this Methodist church.

You stopped to listen. I do want to say, on a side note, there's a really good chance, since this was a Methodist church in the eighteen hundreds, that there was no piano, accompaniment or organ or anything. I've been trying to figure out if that's the case. Did they have musical instruments? I could. It was hard trying to figure out if this was a particular I don't know denomination sect of the Methodist Church UM, but a lot of them didn't use instruments for once in my life.

I'm going to try and be historically accurate. Let's let's hear it. I don't think I can do it. I'm going to go with my default of making things up. So let's pretend you're walking down and you hear the preacher and then you hear a cassio keyboard with the samba beat startup. You're shocked, Like, once you get over this anachronistic detail, how is there electricity batteries? Where did that keyboard come from? Is it made of wood? What's

going on here? And why is time traveling? Zarin? Playing it? A brother gotta eat? Can you imagine like you walk by this church in eighteen seventy two Lumberton, and you look in the window and there's you, blue dreadlocked Zaren, like just hammering away at a cassio keyboard to the and people are terrified. They're just soiling themselves. I can't imagine that. I like imagining that, alright, So let's get

let's work through that deep breath. You hear the singing start, so amid the quiet tones of the congregants, rises a beast and that man's voice is like no other. It is loud, it is out of time, it is out of tune. It's me it very well could be. You know what you're hearing is the distinctive non dulcet tones of William Lincolf, my man, William Lincolf. William Lincolf born in Prussia in the early eight hundreds. At some point he makes his way to North Carolina. How why who knows?

I'm thinking a boat. I think he flew on a Cassio keyboard. He to Cassio keyboard like a surfboard across the Atlantic. But Zuckerberg just above the water, and he had like white face paint on like Zucherberg, and he was a cyborg. So he gets to North Carolina and he takes a young bride works as a tailor. They turn out a bunch of kids. That's the customer of the day. He was super super religious, deeply powerfully religious. And the way that he expressed that devotion was through

the gift of song. But you said he sings terrible. Yeah, yeah, so he doesn't care about the gift he's offering the Lord. Now, all you can say is his way of worshiping is like vigorous Manus. He sings at an absolute deafening volume, kind of like someone I know else, So everyone else is, you know, just like normal volume, and he is voice imodulation to order, like so loud um full throated, like he's just all in on it. He sings all the notes in all the keys, so like there's no discernible tune.

He's just all over the map with this. And this is my favorite thing about him. He keeps singing after it's so after the song it's over. What does that mean? Like he's just making a well, like he's not singing along with everyone else like this. It reminds me of um.

In my my work, people have birthdays, as happens in humanity, and then they're like zoom meetings where people then, you know, because of the pandemic, people are apart, so they sing happy birthday to each other on zoom and no one is singing at the same time, and it's like this crazy cacophony. Why no singing at the same time delays technologically or men tie, I don't know, just like so it's all over the place, And that's kind of how

I think of LINKA. So that people are singing and then they get to the end of the song and he's still got about four bars left, so he's just going bar right no, And like everyone everyone's just sitting there silently side eyeing him. So he keeps time for no tune. No man, you know, he's just so he's in his mind. He's he's serving the Lord. This is the best way he knows how. Don't hide your light under a bushel. If he thinks he's bringing him closer

to God, it's the best he can do. Then hey, there it is he live laugh, live laugh, lo catterwall sing like nobody's listening. Are you okay over there? Yes, we had like a total mind meld there we did. Um I like live laugh, look Catterwall, that's nice, thank you. It's l apostrophe Catterwall, Catterwall. Uh. But he's he thinks that like he can do this, and so should you. Everybody just sing let it out, don't know rules, just vibes, lift up, herents, make a joyful noise. Preacher, those getting

complaints from who? Everybody? I thought they all say no, just him. Everyone else sings like an absolute angel. I'm only here in the one dude's voice overtaking all the rest of them. I thought they were all singing. He was just the worst. I wish example, No, that would be amazing. No, it's everyone's singing like peacefully, perfectly, your typical church singing. And then he he comes like stomping

in on his like vocal moon boots on everybody. But I was down in the Los Angeles, been visiting my mother and went to Hurt Church and there was a woman who was two rows behind me who was doing pretty much what you're describing. And I got to watch people in real time be like looking around on my I forgive her what. We're in church. Don't you think that like most church congregations or most religious congregations in which there is singing to be had, there's there's always

someone depends. I mean, we're also where I grew up, people wouldn't do that just out of like, you know, their own self protection. Where she was like, I don't care, I'm singing what because me and the Lord are together right now? And I was like, oh wow. But I was into it because she was feeling it. Everyone else was like shooting like cold eye stairs and I'm like, judge,

not a church, yeah, Judge, not anyway exactly. Well. I can remember growing up there were kids who would sort of just kind of drift in and out of it. Little kids who didn't weren't worried about peer pressure or anything. You know, you're three and four year old. I love that totally, Like anyone acting up somewhere like where it's not hurting anybody anyway. Anyone is fully engaged. Yeah, I

love full engagement. So the preachers getting complaints, there's a significant portion of the congregation that finds it absolutely hilarious, like they're just cracking up. I would be one of those people, and I would be encouraging him. No, go on, hey can we get William like a solo on this next one? Because my spirit I think of when I think of what his singing is like, I think of that recording of Enrique Iglesias singing at a concert and then Mike picked up his actual singing and not the

prerecorded track that the audience was getting. I don't remember this, Oh okay, search on YouTube Enrique Iglesias live Fail Rhythm Divine, and I promise you you will never hear That's well, first of all, we don't hear that song as much as we used to have to. But if you it's the best thing. And that's how I imagine link also check it out. That's my modern day linkol and my my idea. Anyway, so some people find it hilarious, there's a whole other group that finds it so appalling that

they have to take action. The They convinced the preacher to stop singing in the services altogether. The preacher so that way lincol can't. Yeah, they're like, guess what if you don't nobody's singing now? He just he just reads the words to the hymn. He's basically reading a psalm, and they're They're like, don't nobody sing this. I'm just going to read it, no joyful noise like Rex Harrison,

my fair Lady talks singing, no none, none. And so the congregation, though, they don't like that, because of course they want to lift up their hearts right there's they've got the spirit, they need the tunes. Um. So the singing starts up again, and Lincoln was like, yeah, I'm going to aurally assault my fellow man, just ram it into him. Um. After one really solemn and moving sermon, a leading member of the church gets up walks over to Link off. Now, luckily I was able to find

a transcription of their conversation. Oh this is a rare from two good thank you from research. Thanks so much. So he walks up study Link. I was like, hey, hey, listen, what the preacher just said was pretty heavy, totally. He's like, oh, you get it. Cool? Cool, and then Link starts to breathe in. No, no, no, no, wait, draw your brakes there, Willie, what do you mean? He says, well, when you're seeing it makes people. And Willie says joyful and bathed in

the love of Christ, not exactly. The other guy says, well what then, well, most of these folks laugh loud a lot, Like I said, the preacher's sermon really serious, and Willy said, yeah, you know it was. Well Widow Martin over there, she's quietly sobbing yikes. As Willie, Oh that that totally sucks. Now this is again, word for work, total transcription. I was like, so, maybe you could go ahead and not sing this one, you know, just sit it out. And Willie's like, you know what, dude, you

know I sing for the Lord. And they're just having this staring contest. Guys like, well this time. The Lord wants you to put a cork in it. He just told me so. Linka was like, all right, point taken, doesn't sing on that one. Everyone's overjoyed. They're like singing along.

They just had this really moving sermon. They just watched this conversation happen, and one of them happened to have a transcription machine that was came with it came with the cassio keyboard, and so she's like reading it back to the congregation. It was an amazing sight. It sounds like moving. It was, and it really I don't know why we don't have a movie of that yet. But so he gets it, he realizes, don't do this, and that's going to come in later, so keep that in mind.

At one point he's able to be talked out of it. A Christmas miracle. Yeah, But the next time lincols like I'm all in baby starts and after that, the elder presiding elder in the church, he's like, guess what, I'm not preaching anymore. If you're going to do this, you're gonna make a mess of this. I'm not doing it. I wouldn't preach. Wow, what would Jesus say? He would say, oh,

so someone hasn't seen Jesus Christ Superstar. Like yeah. They gather everybody up and they tell him to dress like they're in Jesus Christ Superstar and they he's a tailor. He makes the outfits for everybody. They so much fringe at this point. The so the pastor the church leaders, they meet with Lincolf. They call him in and they confront him about this, tell him to pipe it down again. On Monday. They're like, hey, you got to come by

the church. Could you just stop by, like, you know, just we got I got a little something to you know, work on with you. And he thinks, oh great, you know we can. We're going to build the Easter display. In the the finals for choir trying outs come on Willie. So he goes down there like you know what pipe down? Actually pipe off? Turn it off? That was a really

popular phrase. Then, um, you're causing a disturbance. They tell him, you know, you're ruining the worship for everybody and linkas response, now, I do have a direct quote from this, and I'm gonna do his errand and I quote, I will worship my God and that as part of my worship. It is my duty to sing. Don't get in the way of the man's duty. So, um, I really want to stop for one second and wonder what his wife and

kids made of this. Oh, he's married. I was always pictured No, but I was picturing him always is like not like a confirmed bachelor. But I mean like the guy in town who's like he's never going to be married. Well that's the behavior of like this, like loose cannon. But he's got a wife and a bunch of kids. So imagine what is the wife doing. Dude, I don't know,

but I know what the kids are doing. Because my mother can't sing, is she My mom says that when my brother and I were little, and she would try and sing us like bedtime songs or like you know, lullaby we're like the songs for the sleep, they're called lullabyes. Guys, um we my brother she has she's so tone deaf, and my brother and I would say, please stop. Tender tender moment when your children look up to you and say, mommy, please stop singing. Put to their little hands on your

mouth to close it. Mother. I don't. I don't have any memory of that. But also it's like super young apparently. Um So I apologize to her for however, and I was like, well, you know that's why I stopped singing to you. Um yeah, the kids? Where's the wife? Deaf? Where the kids? Were they all bad singers? Were they proud of his love of God? You know? I would imagine that they devote What if they all just had like they were absolute songbirds, like they just had beautiful voices,

that would be awesome. Yeah, that'd be funny and that. And yet they also know like how important it is to him and how pious he is. The letter rip, They're like this pony wants to run. Just open up, baby, and I digress as usual. Um so, how can you argue against his need to sing in order to feed his soul? Really? Obviously, clearly I cannot. Lincoln keeps singing. He just keeps, and it splits the congregation again hilarious versus irritated. Are there any defenders who are like the

brothers feeling Lord speaking in voices? He's speaking in whatever that is. So the indignant worshippers they they'd had enough. They go to the law. They can't take it anymore. Yeah, he gets indicted for disturbing a religious congregation, and it goes to trial in the spring term the Robeson County Superior Court eighty three. So when we get back from these beautiful ads dulcet tones, I'm going to tell you

about what happened in court. Please all right. So when we left off, William lincolf of Lumberton, North Carolina, Billy Links he'd been charged with disturbing the piece due to horrendous singing. So he goes to trial over this. Judge Daniel L. Russell second, No, do we know? Do we know if he represented himself and he did not. He got he got himself a lawyer. Good for him, because I was just wondering it seemed like kind of possibly

a chance. Went he went to a guy and said, suit up, put on your best sear, sucker, we're going to court doing this. Come on, man, fighting for the song. Exactly. So Daniel L. Russell is the judge presiding over the trial. He later becomes the forty nine governor of North Carolina. Was totally unrelated to this incident. And at the trial, the state calls a ton of witnesses. They have done for a second, the whole churchloads think about how ridiculous

it is for this to be at trial. How little do they have going on that they'll spend an entire you know, it's like they're not going to make complete out. They're not going, oh yeah, that the judge didn't just dismiss it on off hands right now? Come on, it's ridiculous. I am a busy person. It goes to trial. So one of the witnesses calls by this called by the state, is a fellow congregant, and the prosecutor says to the witness, will explain what his singing sounds like. Do you need

a demonstration? This is why I'm so irritated that court TV didn't exist in eighteen seventy three. That does no one think of me what I need in my life. I need the following scene in my life, and it's you. You can only read about it. I need to hear it. So the witness says, the only way I can convey it is to imitate it sound that old legal practice. Do you want to hear a song went a little to something like this. The only that he's on the

stand he or she, It's never specified. They just say the witness, so gender neutral witness his wife, don't put this in the court record. She's she's got like a like a potato bag over her head so that she can't be identified. She's like garbling her voice. I think mustache and a monocle. She's kind of man in her house dress. He's like that, that gentleman looks oddly like

my sweet Eliza. Um. I don't know what his wife's name was anyhow, so says he has to that witness ses, I have to imitate it, and then totally lets loose on what is recorded as being a very close rendition of the way that he Croon's all hell breaks loose in the courtroom. People lose it. The entire place is dying, laughing, doubled over. Everybody's lapping at an imitation of it. The entire gallery right, all the lawyers, his own, included the jury. This is a jury trial, by the way, not a

bench trial. How what was the VOI dear like in this jury trial? Is they're selecting the jury, They're like, hey, can you sing us a couple of bars? So everyone's doubled over, like people can't breathe. They're just like, hold on this, we can stop. They're cracking up um, and it was determined that, yeah, that's a disturbing that is a complete disturbance. And then the issue becomes, well, did he intend to disturb? Did he know he was disturbing people? Now?

So remember when he's convinced not to sing that time. I think I like to say it was agreeing out of the kindness of his heart and the solemnity of the moment. But sure, we can go with your It shows he knows like disturbing, you know, the mayonnaise out of this place, and so he's capable of not singing when necessary and when asked on a one off yes,

was it intentional all the other times? Then I mean whatever. Well, so it's kind of the question of does he mistake the salt for sugar or did he just one time put it in and one time remember not to put it in. I think he doesn't need to know the difference between salt and sugar in this case, and he's just thinking. It's why he's crystally what's different about what you're doing what I'm doing? Yeah, that could be. It could be. So they get all these other witnesses to

come forward. They're all talking about how how disruptive it is, and it is a disturbance of the piece. But they're also witnesses that come forward and they're like, you know, he's a really strict member of this church he has. One of them said he had exemplary deportment. Thank you, just like you and so and just in his behalf representing you channel him a lot. I feel for him. Yea, so he I know you do, he means, but he's dead serious about it. So it's not like he's some

clown just looking to cause trouble and acting up. The boy couldn't help it. He had to. He had to hit him up. He had to hit him up Prussian style. So Lincolf comes up to testify and he begs the jury when to think of it this way. He says, if I didn't intend to disturb anyone, then I must not be guilty. It's pretty fair, right what his speaking

voice was like, however, he was like all talking. I like to imagine that he got up and said, if I didn't want to disturb anybody, like he's just quiet and meek and like really precise, if I didn't want to disturb anybody, like really precise elocution. And then he's like and ready. Oh I wonder if dogs held. When he's saying so, he's like, look, dude, if I didn't want to disturb anyone, then I'm not guilty. The judge is like, you big, Nope, I'm going to stop you

right there, Mr Lincolf, what's up, Mr judge? The judge says, He turns and tells the jury listen. Intent had nothing to do with it, and or not. The question is whether his act of singing was disturbing to others. So did it disturb the congregation? Yes? Or no? Not? Did he mean to so? Then their opinion of the disturbance is the only measure of a disturbance. That's what he's saying. He's like, if they got disturbed, they were disturbed, right,

which I guess is a good measure. Yeah, But that's like the measure for violence, which is like, I have the right to swing my fist right up till it hit your nose, and then it's like, okay, my right ends. But him singing is a little different. He can't, like, you know, swing his voice in a way that doesn't hit noses. If he stayed at home, If he stay at home and minded his own catterwalls in his own walls. He the judge says, Okay, under these parameters, the evidence

is clear that he did that. He's guilty. I'd say forgive him. And the judge is like, and I co quote, it's a general principle that every man is presumed to have intended the necessary consequences of his own acts. I do not agree with that. That doesn't make even a lick of sense. And this guy goes on to become governor that every man is presumed to have intended the

necessary What? What the hell? How many times do we see people do stuff where we do in our own life, where we we don't know how think what the consequences are going, to act out of emotion before you can act out of reason, and then you rationalize what what you did? Well, you know, I have to understand why I did that. I think we've determined that the judge was a sociopath. No slander intended. It's a joke, people.

I don't want his estate coming after. So the judge Shocker finds Lincol guilty of the misdemeanor of disturbing a religious congregation, and as a punishment, he loved to find against him. No, man, how much you hit him with four million dollars and in today's money now, like you know, you gotta like work at the lumber yard or like, because he finds him one penny. So it's largely symbolic. So they just wanted to embarrass my dude. Yeah, totally and make him run up his court fees, I guess

because he's um. But that's not where this story ends. I hope it ends with him being elected to governor. It ends with him winning American Idol the very did you know he was the first winner of American Idol. Lincoln William Lincoln. He appeals the decision because he's no fool, and his case makes it to the North Carolina Supreme Court. He literally does make it to the highest court, state Supreme Court. They review the case and the evidence, and they determined that let me read to you the end

of their decision. This is a coup quote. Yes, yeah, that's for you. I do it all for you and your quotes. It was not contended by the state upon the evidence that he had any intention or purpose to disturb the congregation, but on the contrary, it was it was admitted that he was conscientiously taking part in the religious services. This admission by the state puts an end

to the prosecution. It is true, as said by His Honor, that a man is generally presumed to intend the consequences of his acts, But here the presumption is rebutted by a fact admitted by the state. It would seem that the defendant is a proper subject for the discipline of his church, but not for the discipline of the courts. Thank you separation of church and state. Son, right, this church needs to handle their own business and not go crying and or you know that what they could do

forgive him just gonna keep saying that that would be amazing. Yeah, but I mean it's like handle your business in your own house. Isn't this why Jesus gave you all those rules or whatever? Is because of the moments where you don't want to when you don't get what you want or you don't want you know, you're somebody's saying, You're like, I wish you would stop. You're like, you know what I need to be better? I should turn the other cheek. I should forgive him. Like all the messages are literally

about those moments. I mean, usually much grander terms of violence and suffering. But you know, I think that time traveling Zeron should go give a sermon about this at the church. Give me my time machine back right, and then just like like you know what I'm gonna I think we've all learned a lesson here today, people, and then you launch into a Meanwhile, they're just like then they run me out of town. Yeah, we're both gonna put a pin in that one. Um. So, I don't

know what happened to William Lincoln after that. I don't know if he found a new church. This was his one wild moment where he made the news. Yeah. I don't think he wanted to. I don't think so. But I mean just saying that this was in his life. This boiled down to the record recorded event. Yeah. Well, and from what I could find, um in all the records, that's his it. You know. There's there's some like census appearances by him. And then he lived out the rest

of his days right there in Lumberton. So he got celebrated today. Yeah, well, he gets celebrated all over the world. The stories I am not I am both real and surreal. Thank you, guys. I meant to say I am so real right now, this story the the wire service for this article get and the information on it gets sent all over the world. It's printed in papers all across the United States. So this guy's name. But did the Mark Twain write about him? How did everybody he wanted?

If you get like, if you look in the archives of newspapers at the time, it's it's all over the United's are global phenomenon one Europe. They reprinted the story in Europe. They ran a story about it in New Zealand Williams in their Lives, I guess, or they're just like, look at these ways, just one guy. Yeah, but no, everyone loves this story. And uh, legal journals at the time they reprinted the case because it was just like

the most ridiculous court case, like look at this. And then in some of the some of the journals um to add to the ridiculousness, they published poems about the case. I love that. I think it's so awesome how poems were like a part of everyday life back then. You know, they wouldn't write a poem about that, oh yeah, and they'd be in the paper. And people memorize poems. People wrote their own poems. We need that again, well not really,

I don't want to hear that. Um so the poems and then for decades up until today these modern time well us right here. But also i'd say every twenty thirty years, it gets someone writes an article in a in a newspaper about you know what the most ridiculous court case was, like a legal academic thing that just keeps getting kicked around because every but it's in like regular like daily papers of just you know, you want to hear a wacky story. It's filler, but it's crazy

that he made it all the way through. You know who I can imagine telling the heck out of this story? Uh not me? Apparently Paul Harvey and page two that guy, because he'd always surprise you. You'd be like, wait, whoa And that guy turned out to be Dwight die Eisenhower. You're like, oh man, you got me a game. Paul Harvey. I would like to hear Steve Harvey. Apparently you want to hear anyone but me tell it like that. I just thought, so if I'm talking about other people telling

this story, yeah, thank you for telling that story. Let me tell you who would have told it better. You know who would have been better? Anybody? Thanks? Thanks much. You know what, why don't you take a little bit of your own advice? Nice? I was thinking, like legal scholars in journalists the story, and I was like, you know, it would be a great journalist to tell this story. Is Paul Harvey? Because not a clown like this, Gal. I didn't sure. I'm funny to you. I make you laugh,

give me my baseball bat. So they like it's weird crimes in courts whatever that other people can tell far better than I just did. No worries. No worries, bro When now tell me, expert, was your ridiculous take away that you think that more people should be writing poems or people should write poems? Be no, they shouldn't. Point counterpoint. I'm just going to argue with myself about this. I

really long for the days when poetry was important. But oh, hot biscuits, I do not want to hear anyone's poems right now. I want someone to come up to me and tell me they wrote a poem about something, and I can say, stop, this is not the time for that, and that will just be all the time. That's a very poetic moment. I think that my feelings about this would best be expressed in song. Please. I think that

there's two ridiculous elements that play here. Someone sings so badly, that's I love that ridiculousness, but also that someone gets charged for singing so badly. Yeah, I'm completely make this top. Like I grew up it in town where a lady got charged for snoring so loudly. Her neighbors called the police, right, and people that made fun of us that they were on the Daily Show. They interviewed the cop and everything.

It was embarrassing, But this totally tops that. I think that this that's maybe she's his descendant, just like a spiritual descendant. I think it's really important that we remember that every single person, you know, we find connection and purpose and meaning in different ways, and like our beliefs are our own. You know, you may be like part of a group that believes all the same thing, but at the end of the day, it's just you and

whomever you believe in. Um. You know, I'm always saying like, as long as you're not hurting anyone, I don't care what you do. But then we have to define hurting, Like how I don't know is that is his sonic attack qualify as pain or suffering? And is he interrupting other people's opportunity to be connected to something like at that time, any of them would want to a solemn communion with the Lord, and he was making that impult. I think they should have just kicked him out. I

don't understand, like, this isn't the place for you. Go find another for you, Like put your finger up to his lips. This isn't the place. The stories are always a except for to you. Sorry, William, maybe trying to baptist. They can't sing for anything. No way, he would not make it in any church. He has to start his own church, maybe the Church of the Wild, I think, And then it's just him and a bunch of wolves just like yowling all over the country. He could have

found one of them snake handler churches. I don't think they have like real high requirements inside that building. But I say, like, you know what, don't take it to the lock. Just kick him out, start your own church and beds. I'm in favor of people to be kicked out. That's all I have to say on the matter. I'm done. You don't have to go home, But can't you know, why don't you go find someone else to tell you?

This is the rest of the page two. Well, you can find us online you the collective you at Ridiculous Crime on both Twitter and Instagram, And if you have a tip for us about a ridiculous crime that you want to hear about out, or if you want to confess to a ridiculous crime, you can email us at Ridiculous Crime. I really wish we had an A O L account for that would be so good alta Vista, But no ridiculous crime at gmail dot com. We could

get one at your mom dot com. I'm still are you just trying to insult me over in our race? What do we get at your mom? Your mom dot com? And it was just the best because it was so dumb, like, are you for real right now? I was like, yes, I'm surreal right now, real surreal? All right. I've I can't do anymore, so I tune in next time. When Zaren tells stories, it's only Zaren can tell them. I swear to God, I'm going to sing the next song,

the whole thing. I'm singing the whole damn thing. Ridiculous Crime is hosted by Elizabeth Dutton and Zaren Burnett, Produced and edited by internationally renowned liturgical dance sensation Dave Kusten. Research is by noted songbird Marissa Brown. The theme song is by Fugitive choir Boys Thomas Lee and Travis Dutton. Executive producers are pipe organist Ben Bolan and handbell choir conductor Noel Brown. Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeart Radio.

For more podcasts to my heart Radio, visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.