Oh, It Gets Worse: Air Rage on United Flight 976

oath stating the same thing, all of them. You know what the oath is about. You'll never guess it. No one ever would have guess it. I have. They have to say these words quote, I have not fought a duel with deadly weapons within the state or not out of it, So help me God. They have to take I've never dueled oath. I think everyone may have to do that. That's a Are you kidding? No, I'm totally kidding. Only can be a bit and it's ridiculous. You want to know what else is stupid and ridiculous? Oh? I

love stupid and ridiculous air rage? Air rage? Oh like like fighting on a plane. Yeah, air rage, I'll enunciate like air raids. I was like, I don't think the English would agree. They would think it's stupid. Yeah, air rage ridiculous. Let me tell you about something. Hit me with it. This is a ridiculous crime. A podcast about absurd and outrageous capers, heists and cons. It's always murder free and one ridiculous. You like air travel, right, Saron? Yeah, as long as I'm to get to be the one

who flies the plane. Not kidding. I love air travel. What's your air travel protocol? Like, lially, do you get to the airport, check bags? Do you sleep on the plane? Do you drink on the flights? Oh? Man? Like my real protocol? Okay, So if I'm being honest, I show up in a rush, most likely because I'm cutting it close because I don't want to hang out at the airport too long. And so then I get there basically

where I'm not quite running. I got I'm not, you know, not racing through the airport because that makes people nervous these days, so I'm just shy of that. And then I get to like the baggage place, and I'm like hoping the people in front of me, aren't like really slow like I am. I'm like, please don't be like me, Please don't be like me. And then I get out and then I have to pull out like three laptops out of my bag, take my shoes off. I've forgotten

things in my pocket. I'm walking around with magnets in my back pocket, and I'm like all right, and then I have this moment of like I'm a jerk and of course like and something that's completely predictable. And then finally get all that done. Then I go and I wait and I'm like, wait, which like places? I don't know which gate I'm at. I forgot I remembered that earlier. Then I get to the gate and I'm like they're boarding,

and I'm like oh. And then I get on the plane and if it's like you know, like a Southwest flight, we get to pick your seats. I know, no matter even if I'm late, no one's gonna sit next to me. I get like the little casual racism buffer and I'm just seating, and so then I just show up and I just wait for the wait like you know, the waitress. I'm like, what am I in a bar with the waitress to come around with a drink tray. No, just wait for them to come around, and then I'm like, Okay.

Before COVID, I'd be like, let's go with the Heineken or a beer or something. And otherwise now I'm just like I just signal like I basically dragged my fingers across my throat like nothing, I'm good. And then I don't say anything for six hours and I get off the plane. That is stressing me out just listening to right. Yeah, I'm like an air rage incident waiting to happen, either from somebody interacting with me or just like you know,

me really pushing someone over their edge. Okay, Yeah, I'm the opposite as you could imagine what your routine seems kind of chill. Oh. I get to the airport very early, like the day before, like a week ahead of time. Camp out. No. I like to give myself the allotted amount of time, and if I'm checking a bag especially,

I want to make sure I get there. And then I don't like standing in the security line and knowing that my flight is about to board the best No, no, no. Most of what I do in life is try and make things as chill and relaxed as possible. How's that working out? Awesome? Because like, there's an intersection by my house, it's a total pain to navigate. If I want to get I have to cross all these lanes of traffic with no no light or stop sign in order to

get to the freeway intersection. And it would's right by my house. I go up and over a block so that I can have like a chill way to get there and not be stressed out trying to So you don't take my approach of embraced the chaos, No, avoid the chaos. That's me. You're like, I can navigate around this and can make a little pathway. I get to the airport with plenty of time. I don't mind hanging out at the gate and listening in on people's conversations. I once had an ex girlfriend make a plane get

turned around on the tarmac. She she made such a scene that they turned the plane around the tarmat and came back to pick her up. She was just a princess and she's really good at it. And they responded appropriately, Yeah, that that's kind of where we're going today. Um, you know, I think that the stress of air travel. For me, it's sort of stress. I'm not afraid of flying, but there are just so many components and so many outside

things that I can't control. So I want to be able to do the most that I can to again maintain chill. Uh plus. When you combine that, like you're saying with the princess, with this sense of entitlement, people freak out. People. I want to tell you about an epic freak out, an absolutely ridiculous case of air rage. Alright, close your eyes and we're gonna do another one of my imagination experiments for you. It's October. Let's say that maybe you're the chair of like the astronomy department at

Yale or something. And look at you, look at what you've done. You know you're a little sad about the death of Jerry Garcia just two months earlier, because I guess you're a deadhead. And where are you in October? I don't know where am i Buenos Aires, Argentina. Look at me. You just gave a talk at the Galileo galile Planetarium. You totally killed that man. Good job, dude, High five up, high, high five, a high downlow. You've had a wonderful time in this totally beautiful city, right

the Paris of South America. You're able to build in a couple of days on either end of your talk for sight seeing in your trip, folks at the Planetarium and the University of Buenos Aires. They have been marvelous, just lovely. You ate it, fantastic restaurants. You explored the city like a local thanks to all of your academic scientist friends life. Oh my gosh, you learned to tango. It's been a wonder a full trip. So you get up on the morning of October nineteenth and you pack

your bags. You're carefully folding your pleaated dockers so that they don't get messed up route. You check out your hotel. I mean you're like an astronomy. I'm working with it. Yeah. If you check out of the hotel, you hop in a cab and you head to the airport. As you're driving in the cab, you like have your head leaning against the passenger window in the back. My independent movie moment.

Oh yeah, you're listening to like singer songwriter stuff on your c D. Walkman, you're staring wistfully out of the taxi window and your taxi is overtaken by a motor case. They just go alwan by you a series of black town cars, cops on motorcycles. This is so exciting. What a city. You say to yourself, good lord. You get to the airport is a huge concourse. This place is in norm us. You head through the metal detectors, make your way to the gate. Now, for whatever reason, you're

flying first class. I've back to New York's JFK. You know, it's a long flight. I don't know how you how you pulled this off because I don't know. Maybe you make a lot of money with what you're doing. Maybe you stole airline miles. I don't I don't know how you live hot telescopes on the black market. Yeah, exactly, that's your side, gig So, but before boarding begins, you see this whole giant group of these men in dark suits and they're making their way to a roped off

area near the gate. And you asked the gate agent and completely impeccable Spanish somebody m hmm. Voice is really weird. It's kind of melodic in that like computerized way. You said you asked them, excuse me, brilliant sky wizard, who are those men. So the agent explains to you that they're diplomat, but you can't tell you more than that. You're clever, you know what to do. You pull a bag of Eminem's from the front pocket inside your blazer.

Always my answer, Yeah, I mean, I'm probably gonna pull chocolate. But as you do this, it reveals that you're wearing a Shambra shirt with tweetye and Sylvester embroidered on the breast pocket. Baby yeah, me and h You dangle the candies seductively in front of the gate agent. You ask her to tell you more. Tell you I'm tempting people. Tell you who those men are. She looks at the bag of Eminem's, She looks at the Looney Tunes characters

stitched on your shirt. You can't help herself, so she spills the beans and tells you that the President of Portugal, Mario Sourus and Argentinian Foreign Minister Guido di Tella are flying with you to New York, where they're going to be attending the fiftieth anniversary celebrations for the United Nations. What a life, what a city? Oh my goodness. You tear open the bag of handies. The gate agent just like tilts her head back and opens her mouth expectedly.

So I'm now in a renaissance pain tang of pleasure off. The two of you make eye contact as you pour the contents of the bag into your own gaping mom just filling it beyond capacity. You chew the candies with your mouth open, sugary multicolored chocolate jeol running down the corner of your mouth, down your chin, stay staining, tweetie, who's standing in like that sassy stance? Hands, She says, well played, before lifting the intercom microphone and announcing that

boarding is beginning for first class passengers. Hey, that's me. You're in that moment right now. Um, how did you sudden think it's so frisky? I born this way? Did the passion of the Argentinian tango go to your head? It probably did help. You're you're pondering this new you, and a man shoves by you on his way to boarding the plane. Yeah, he's wearing a ridiculously expensive suit. He's already intoxicated. So it's other me, it's your it's

your dooppelganger. He rummages around for his boarding pass, and you just like slip by and board the plane because you're smooth. You still got like eminem stuff all over your face, but it was worth it. You take your seat. You like your these seats fully recline into little beds in first class on this kind of long hall seven sixty seven or whatever it is. You're gonna recline in luxury and it does off. You're gonna watch a movie being a magazine shop from skymall. Maybe get yourself like

a giant sarcophagus for the corner of your house. You know what, you know how skymall goes. My house needs a new decoration. Get a couple. You're gonna order like twelve head of sarcopha. You're like still reeling from the joy of that speech and the dinners and the music and the interlude with that gait agent. What a trip, What a life, best life ever? And then you notice that man in the fancy suit from the gate is actually seated behind you, sipping on some champagne before taken off.

It's first class. That's what you do. Dreams that glass pounds it asked for another. He's loud, He's like really loud. So everyone is boarded, and then the diplomats breeze to their seats in first and they settle in flight attendants for like getting ready to taxi take off, and the fancy suit guy behind you asked for more champagne. Totally denied,

didn't know that. He yells that cut you off before you well, if you've been pounding glasses of champers and and so he's just like, if you fly first class to Hawaii, by the way, they give you the option of champagne or pog that is it, pog pineapple orange? Yeah. Yeah, So on this one though, they're like champagne only, or maybe it'll give you like a little sip of water. So he's like, I want champagne. They cut him off

because he's just had way too much tequila. Yeah, well no, And so he's just like he's a master of the universe. He's like Gordon Geck. He gets up tries to pour himself a glass of champagne from an empty bottle on the beverage cart. I don't think even you can do that in first class. I don't think you can get champagne out of an empty bottle. Oh right, there's that

part too. So he gets reprimanded. So they start yelling at him sit down, and he manages to like then make his way up to the galley, where he pours himself a glass of champagne and then snaps up two pre poured glasses for good measures. So he's got three glasses of champagne, makes his way to his seat. They're doing their best, the flight crew to say, like the professional be kind, but their patience is tested. You have a bad feeling about this guy. I'm like that, yeah,

and as well you should don't call me psychic. His name is Gerard Jerry Finneran, not old dirty Jerry Finneran. Yeah, he's fifty eight years old. He lives in a palatial estate in Greenwich, Connecticut. I can tell for with the behavior. He's the president of Trust Company of the West. It's an investment fund worth more than a fifty million dollars. They're focused on Third World debt. And he's also the co manager of a private equity firm called the Argentine

Investment Company. So the big money mining or whatever. Sure, I don't know, it's just got a ton of cash. Um. But most importantly he's about to get completely ridiculous, about to get this is nothing. I'm gonna let you savor the last bits of your dream trip to Buenos Aires while we hear some ads, and when we get back, we're going to redefine bad flight behavior. All right. So there you are, flying first class from Buenos Aires to New York City. Yeah, look at you. What a life.

You've had a lovely trip so far. Everything has been perfect, but things are starting to go a little sideways. The guy behind you, I mean dirty Jerry Finner, Jerry Finneran. He's already on one. He's been guzzling champagne loudly declaring his need for more. It's not a want, it's a need for him. At this point, the plane still on the ground. We have not left the ground. He's already overserved himself, refused to sit in his seat. It's been picking fights with the flight crew and people having to

walk past him to get on the plane. I mean, like everyone. Yeah, I would guess everyone a legitimate question because I found out what kind of airplane this was a Big One is the official name. It's an airplane, Big One, the buying big in. I think it's like a seven sixties seven, but I may be a little bit off on one of those numbers because maybe people

something that they're coming in and making the right turn. Yeah, in the moment, I looked it up, and it looks like for United, they come on the plane, make a right turn, walk through first to get to business and then to coach. So interesting, so they do. And it looks like maybe on Delta they got on in between first and business and yeah and so. But I don't know. But let's say everyone has to cruise through there. Well, it makes more sense that they have to get on

between First in business. That's what I am. So he's like, he's just causing a ruckus won't sit plane still sitting there. Um, most people would have gotten the boot from the plane by now, because it hasn't even left. I would have been given the boot twice, right at least I think the people in coach would have kicked me off this flight in any subsequent flights. You're total. That's a ban

right there that I would just picked into jail. That's so the plane takes off at long last, you're perusing your copy of Entertainment Weekly you picked up before you left for the trip. Got to catch up with my guy. Yeah, you'd like shoved it in your attache case and forgotten about it? What has ed Norton done lately? No, you're reading the cover story about David Duchovny. He's touted as the X files hottest UFO, and UFO there stands for

Unlikely Fantasy object, you know. So you're just tisk tiss. You're flipping through and you hear finnering behind you. Ask for a glass of red wine. Bro that won't go well. You can't switch from white dread like Cannon's goodness. So, after all his like pre flight antics, you're kind of surprised that they're giving him any alcohol at all. I was surprising to the conscious. But go on, he downs that glass of red that they bring him and ask

for another one. They bring him the wine. Yeah, he slams the second one, and it's like bar keeping more. Do you have a wine ball? Once again? He wants a wine gravity bud, and the flight attendants just keeps stalling from having to deal with him. It's just kind of like he's a lank space. At some point, he's undeterred, right, He gets up, cruises over to the galley and decides to pour himself some more red wines. Yeah, he's like

no worries. I got this um. One of the flight attendants catches him doing this and tries to stop him, but he grabs the bottle, heads back to his seat, puts the bottle between his legs, effectively preventing the flight attendants from taking it back. Okay, so he's got it, like yeah, he's making mold crotch wine because it's warming. Then he just got it gets like a he got he got himself a huge silly straw. It's like swirling round. So the flight attendants asked their supervisor, can we cut

this guy off? Which, come on, make the executive decision yourself and cut him off. But they went to the supervisor, and so then one of the male flight attendants is sent over and they tell him to cool out. There's just like in the most flight attendant phrasing ever. They say, sir, we're going to need to take a little break from drinking. Now, Well, thank you, Stephen, I'm gonna need you to go ahead and cap on it. This flips the switch finneran goes

into an absolute rage air rage. Wait wait a minute, So just because somebody says we're gonna need you to take a little drinking he's like he hulks out, so he like chases the attendant into the galley and he's just screaming, I want your name. I'm gonna bust your ass. He I just like to imagine that this is delivered though, like Quirky st Clair from one of my favorite films of all time, Waiting for Guffman. But then again, I like to hear everything in my head as if it's

said by Quirky st Clair Christopher Guest character. Yeah, he says like it's his end thing like how many babies fitting a tire? Or my favorite was like me, you know, right out of the Navy, you know, fresh off the destroyer with a dance belt in the tuba chapstick that and Parker Posey fanning the one chicken wing on the barbecue is those are like my favorite things in the world. Anyway, Finnerman is going to bust a guy's ass, he says. And so at this point, the flight supervisor steps in

and tries to calm things down. He's successful. He's kind of like, I don't know what they say. Leans in You're trying to listen, professor, You're like, what are they? And Finneran goes back to his seat. The cabin goes quiet. Finally, me and my cotton dockers can relax. Oh, you just exhale, and you just start one by one taking peanuts out of a bag, and you're like licking your fingers because by one putting him on little tray and lining them.

Yeah yeah, and then snorting him crushed peanuts. What's going on? You're just still riding the high of the Buenos sorry strip venerand doesn't want the party to stop, obviously, so he gets up again and approaches a flight attendant and he demands a drink, and she tells him, you know what, You're cut off, dude, You're cut off. Go back to your scene. So in this like choose your own adventure. Do you take a beat think about what you've done. I decided to go back sober up, you know, in

your little first class seating pod. Not if you're puts his hands on the woman's chest and just shoves her into a seat. She goes flying back like a full on boob press and pushes her back the as totally offense. Yeah, I wish it was like a chest butt. He just shoves her with it and she goes flying back. I'm trying not to laugh. You go ahead, It's okay, we're all friends here. So Finneran like he shoves her. This turns into it. Everything he starts going berserk. He's losing it.

He heads again to the galley, to the drink's cart. There's this complete rucus. Everything breaks into chaos because Finneran didn't just stumble up there and pour himself another drink. He climbs onto the cart. Now those carts aren't really huge, and they're already like a little bit top heavy, right move, but like finner in his safety's enemy at this point, and like a tipping cart is the absolute least of

our worries. He's standing on the cart, he's yelling, and then he pulls down his pants and he squats down and he one takes a giant dump on the drink's cart, just just a big old steamer on the drink's cart. People start losing it, they are losing it. So he's still on the cart. When he reaches down, he grabs some like cloth napkins, and he wipes himself in front of the President of Portugal and like so he's just

like taking a napkin wiping, tossing it. He steps in his own crap as he jumps off the cart, and then he starts making his way towards the toilets, and like he started like wiping the soiled napkins on the walls of the plane as he walked, and I like to imagine it like he's doing it like a very Jim Morrison of the Hampton's blinky swagger as he's going along,

and like his pants are kind of like half done. Um, he tracks Dodo all over the cabin and he wipes it on the walls and the seats before locking himself in the bathroom. So you know, you know he wrecked shop in the bathroom as well. That laboratory, he was just blowing mud throwing rope. So he pops out of one bathroom that he's in and ducks into another, perhaps just like to be able to decimate both of them. I had no idea how dirty dirty Jerry was Jerry.

So at this point, like food service is about to start, well it should have been starting, that's why the cart was out, but there's coca everywhere. I'm having a really good time thinking of all the synonyms. So Fitner and he's locked in the laboratory and there's not going to be any dinner because we've got like a hazmat situation going on. And so the pilots realized, we have to land this plane, like this is ridiculous. The closest airport is San Juan, Puerto Rico. Oh wow, okay, so there's

over the Caribbean. Yeah, they're over the Caribbean. And so they radio to San Juan and San Juan turns him away, like, bro, he got to take that stuff elsewhere? Did the wise Puerto Ricans just not want anything to do with this literal sh show. No. Turns out that they couldn't land

the plane there because of the dignitaries on board. Yeah, it's like an unscheduled stop would be a huge security risk, and the State Department has protocols for board diplomats boarding and landing at US airports, and they didn't really have anything in place for that at that point because it's unscheduled. So the poop plane flies on, continues on and Finnerman Finnerman. Eventually his traveling companion slash colleague someone is with him.

He's not traveling by himself. Someone is sitting next to him, like, yeah, bro, you gotta children ahead. A lady who works with him manages, She manages to help the flight crew to jimmy the lock on the bathroom and coax him out. And at this point dude is covered in feces. No no, no, he stripped down, and the galpa takes him back to his seat and the two of them snuggled together and go to sleep. What yeah, my record scratched in my head.

I'm sorry. What she nuzzles up to a man covered in his own dropping and there are still four hours left on this flight? Four hours? Is it wrong of me to assume that they were more than work associates? I don't know you. How are you going to cozy up to your colleague who's got feces all over him and be like, I'm just going to help him get settled. You're in the cabin, professor, don't you dare trying to

escape his imagination exercise. You know, it's straight up reeks and and so the flight crew could only like they throw a blanket over him and his companion and just hope for the best. How much is the first class ticket over the respect? What is it thousand dollars world, that's a really good a thousand dollar invest But here's my absolute favorite detail of this that it smelled so bad in the cabin, like what do you think he'd been eating? And so here's my thing. The flight crew

they needed to mask the smell. They walked up and down the aisles spraying Lagerfeld cologne. I just love this because the brand is specified, like in all the news reports, like they used Lagerfeld cologne. It's the worst but best advertisement ever. But you know how closely scent is tied to memory, and so like every single one of the people on that flight, for the rest of their lives, when they smell Lagerfeld cologne, they're going to immediately smell crap.

They think of Jerry Finner and squatting. They're gonna pass someone on the street wearing that scent and immediately start wretching. So for four hours, four hours, people are in robed in Lagerfeld dukie smell. They're hungry, they haven't eaten, but not really because it smells like a ground beef tire fire up in there. Like they can't what do you do? Right? What did you do? The professor? How did you handle this? I don't even know if you know that this is

all an imagination exercise with you. So I don't want people to think that the professor from Yale was actually there. Yea professor there, And exactly so the whole like big u n trip for the President of Portugal and the Argentine Minister of Foreign Affairs off to a great start, you know, diplomacy. I gotta take a breath. Let's take a short break, and I'm gonna let you know how

this all shakes out. Alright, So where were we? Oh, let's see, we were in about thirty six thousand miles thou feet in the air, and everything smelled like poop and Carl Loggerfield's cologne. Yeah, the poop ship destroyer Flight nine six eventually lands in New York and the FEDS are waiting, I hope. Yeah. The FBI arrested Gerard Finneran upon his arrival. He gets charged with interfering with the flight crew and assaulting a flight member flight attendant. Excuse me,

when is this soulting? Is that a specific thing? Or is he getting arrested for assult and battery? It just happens to be a flight attendant. Yeah, I don't know. I think that I think that there's probably like striking an officer special. Let's say there is. He posts a hundred thousand dollars bond, and he's required to attend alcohol canceling and he's not allowed to fly anywhere without the

court's permission. So he's correct. Definerin has tons of money, so you'd imagine that he gets like a really great lawyer. I've seen some of the lawyers, some really rich people higher. He's not necessarily guaranteed that. I feel like maybe his lawyer wasn't quite prepared for this craptacular situation. So in court and in the papers, the lawyer, Charles Stillman insists that the booze had nothing to do with his client's capers. How he says, it's all false. It's a horrible lie.

I guess he took a tranquilizer earlier and didn't know it. Gets it's such a good explanation. What he's trying to do is rewrite the narrative. He's hoping that the plane ride will be like most of this guy's life. What he says goes. He's just going to say how it is, don't forget, there's no smartphones or social media, so it's like someone wanted to get the video, they had to bust out an actual video camera, tape the whole thing, and then maybe sell like the physical tape to inside edition.

There's no one they're yelling world star, world star, which would have been awesome. So if you weren't a weird astronomy professor at Yale and you were instead a high price lawyer in Manhattan, how how would you defend your client's actions? You said, what was it? I wasn't listening. I was like, I think, I said, tell me about

like tranquilizers. I don't know. The point being that usually the high price lawyers like to shift the blame onto something that raises reasonable doubt that you cannot really say does or does not do the thing they're claiming, and

that's all they have to introduce. So I would try to come up with some reasonable doubt that oh, he had a reaction to his medications, and I just find whatever medications he has and find some doctors says that somebody once had a reaction, I'd be like, yes, he's also TV that you're totally on the right path there, oh Am I look at me, law school paid all right, now you just passed the bar. Look at that. You're done,

arn Burnett. It's so good. So stillman opts for a really ridiculous a Finneran pleads guilty as charged in court, but the lawyer wants to make sure everyone understands that it was all just a big misunderstanding, the poop on the drink cart photo misunderstanding. He says, well, you know what, it's actually the President of Portugal's fault, shift the blame. We write the narrative. Do we know who exactly was on the drink cart? We have eyewitnesses, but can they

be trusted? Well, he says that, okay, He's like, listen, my man, Finneran, he actually had a really bad case of traveler's diarrhea. Is that a thing? Yeah, It's like if you eat something that you're not used to while traveling. So he had drank water that yeah. So he says that that's what happened, not that he was on a complete loose goosebender, but he's got traveler's diarrhead well. As an aside, I kind of feel like maybe he had more than just champagne and red wine dropping the crazy train.

I'm thinking he showed up a little loose. Yeah, it's pure speculation. Maybe there's like Columbian marching powder, no nose candy. Yes, I don't know, and that's pure sulation. But like when people say, by the way, when people say nose candy, I always imagine someone shoving an entire Snickers bar up their nose with the heel of their palm. Imagine pop rocks.

And that's just me, you know. Anyway, Stillman, he says that Finneran had the squirts super bad, and that the president of Spirts grandfather used to call you got the squirts. He's like he was sliding into first heels first. Um, I don't remember the rest of that. Then I'm not gonna when you fly in the first and you feel something first in diarrhea, and then there's a second and

the third something about a turd. Yah. Um. Anyhow, President of Portugal's team, won't he the Stillman, the lawyer says that the president of Portugal's team isn't letting his client into the bathroom while he had as bad diarrhea, and that he was prevented from accessing this bathroom by by this crew and what's he supposed to do? Use coach

bathrooms like an animal? Okay, wouldn't that be like the easiest people to find to get an eyewitness testimony that they did not know because he's just rewriting the narrative. And the lawyer says, you know what, the only other option he had was to pop a squad on the beverage cart. What else are you going to do anyone in these conditions? Um, the bogus meters off the chart.

So was the judge like, you know what, we all been there, no worries, no, thankfully no. Finneran gets sentenced to three hours of community service, two years probation, and a five thousand dollar fine, And he also had to pay the airline almost fifty dollars for the hazmat crew. Yeah, like a grand or two went for cleanup costs, Like they must have had to steam clean, disinfect, maybe replace seats,

Oh I hope. So yeah. And then some actually some of the passengers were calling for Finneran to be tested for hepatitis to make sure they weren't exposed, and then, in total ignorant nineties fashion, some of them wanted him to be tested for AIDS because they thought that's how they were going to get it. So, uh yeah, that's that's um an intelligent move. Uh logic. Anyway, Um, the rest of the money that was paid to the airline

went towards reimbursement costs for the other passengers. What about the flight crew who he was boob pushing down the aisle and listen, I don't I swear if I didn't, If I'm on that flight, If I'm professors erin and I don't get like a dozen free first class flights out of this, I'm losing it. I'm crapping on stuff. I'm going that's and I feel like they probably like refunded people's tickets and gave them like a drink voucher and maybe a pair of those little plastic United wings.

You know that there had to be at least doesn't have to be. But I would imagine statistically at least one person on that flight that was the first time they ever flew So the first time they ever fly up, they never fly again. Trains for me like so Finneran though he goes on to Lalo for the rest of his days. You know, he's promised as much to the judge during his sentencing because he tells him, you will never hear of me doing anything like this again. Okay,

that's quite a promise there. You're never going to hear of me doing something. In fact that he like. He later volunteers at a nonprofit that helps source post incarceration employment for people who have completed their sentences. But did you like pick that? I mean, are we giving him credit for? Yeah, I'm giving him credit. This is I debated including this next part because like, we had a wild ride and I didn't want to end it on

a bummer. I can I appreciate that. Um still trying to get the car lager filled out of my mental theater, I think it should be mentioned. And you know, at least we had some fun along the way here. But Finnran died into that and five and his cause of death was complications of Alzheimer's disease. So the air rage incident took place ten years prior to this, and there has been, you know, speculation that the whole mess was

a sign of early onset Alzheimer's. Okay, now, I've had friends grandparents who had Alzheimer's, and uh, I watched the deterioration and go from the person that they were to the person like they could not remember their wife and so forth, and it was really you know, as a kid, I remember this was the case. It's really sad and really difficult to watch. But I don't remember any of

them having episodes of like this type of behavior. When they did the occasionally they get angry because they get confused and stuff, but their anger didn't turn into I'm surfing the drink cart and pooping on I mean, like this didn't go I mean, here's the thing, Like, I've had relatives who at the end of their lives had diminished capacity, mostly due to dementia, you know, and some of them did some seriously ridiculous and like in hindsight,

hilarious things as a result of this um In the moment, it was wild and like out of character and distressing,

but like with time, it becomes a pretty funny story. Yeah, And I think that because after that time, and like when they're gone, we have a more holistic view of who they were in their life and like the absurd nature of just our brief time on this planet, you know, you get that kind of and so like when you take the illness out of the equation in these stories, they're funny and there's something that the person themselves would

laugh about. So I'm just like giving credence to if there's a speculation that that played a part in it, Like in the case of Gerard Finneran. On the surface of the story, it's a guy who went nuts in first class and flipped out and then did something so primal and like against societal norms, meaning like going against civility and basic hygiene. Like it's not like, oh, I'm a rebel, I don't cut my hair. I'm a rebel.

I crap all over the place. You know. It's shocked and it amused people like late night hosts like David Letterman and comedians. They used his antics and material like crazy. At the time, it was everywhere um and but we now we have some distance and we see how it played out. And he was a guy who did a lot of good things in his life. You know, he had a wife of forty four years, kids, grandkids, He was an Air Force, successful businessman, played a ton of sports,

love to be active. So like he used a major misstep two in his life to lead him to help out others who'd done something that they regret and had paid their dues and just wanted to get back into society, the society they offended injured. Yeah, he became like a gateway for others. Yeah, and he realizes I've been there,

I've done I've done something really really wrong. And I don't know, I mean, I don't think it really affected his work career because he, you know, he went on to to continue to make money and be you know, well regarded. So I think he wanted other people to have that. Um. There's a part in his obituary in the New York Times that I thought was like a really interesting snapshot of who he was outside of the fecal fiasco. Okay, so let me read this to you,

and I quote. Gerard was one of the founding partners of tc W Worldwide and the author of its eclectic but very successful investment style. He was a consummate value investor who could see around corners, and he was a wonderful boss who focused on what people could do, not on what they couldn't. He engendered loyalty and love from those who are lucky enough to have the opportunity to work with him. His enthusiasm, carrying and absolute fearlessness will

be sorely missed. So he's he's a complex guys. You know, whatever your thoughts on the like social value of equity funds or whatnot, you know, he's a human being who seems to connect well with other human beings. But is he like a salesman type or get did you get a sense of where his charm is, because like some people can be charming because they're working on it. Some people can be charming because they have integrity and you're

drawn to it. I think that his charm was sort of in the fact that he was not risk averse and he was willing to do things a little bit differently. It sounds from what I you know, when I understand, and it wasn't just that he was like a charm I mean guy. I think he was just a nice guy. Um. And so if you look at it, like he connects with other people, I I feel like that's the meaning of life, right, That's why we're here, connect with other people,

connect with the other living things. And it's too late for me to say that. I don't want to get philosophical about this because I'm like deep in it. But what I think is appealing about ridiculous crimes that we talk about, is this whole thing, like that's this like we um people make major screw ups and antics and foiled plots. They're real people, and they're great examples of the fallibility of human beings, you know. And and we're all capable of these things, you know. Anyone who says

that they're not is lying to themselves. Um. And so the crimes that we talk about are ones where no one loses their one precious life, you know. So these are the kind of weird things we all do along the way, not all of us, but we all make dumb choices at some point and to differing degrees, and those are the things that we talk about. And I think it's sort of better to laugh at those, because like, life is ridiculous and that that is my ridiculous takeaway

on this one. So Gerard Finneran, you know, did something completely ridiculous and gross and hilarious. And maybe it was for reasons that weren't so hilarious, but maybe we don't know, speculation, But the bottom line is it's absolutely hilarious to poop all over an entire first class cat completely because you

can't get a drink. The the O bit your read reminds me the way you talk about him being the way the O bit talked about him being a value investor and you know, basically being warm and somebody who took a risk reminded me almost like a Warren Buffett. So imagining Warren Buffet standing on a drink tray, dropping trout and crapping on like all the coffee and everything right now, suddenly I'm like, now, how could he get

past that? And I could see him doing it, but I don't see him laughing about it per se, But I could imagine laughing about it. And I think with time even Warren Buffett would laugh at the image of him drop and trial on a drink cart. By all rights, we have every right to laugh about it, and so does Warren Buffett. Yeah, I'm just just saying. So I was trying to, like, you know, picture like, well, how far could I take? This investment banker is just a

decent guy, just had this one weird moment. Well we hope it was the one weird moment. What has he gotten away with quietly in other instances? But it seems like he righted the ship And I like I love a good I won't just say like I love a good redemption story. So this is a redemption story about poopman Joe, just like let it loosen, and he gave me the opportunity to think of so many synonyms for fecal matter. Did you know? Thank you, Gerard. I think

my other ridiculous takeaway is apparently a first class ticket. Wow, I had no idea. Yeah, I mean right up to a point. It's I guess worth it to fly first for many many reasons that thousand dollars goes a long way. Oh not just a thousand son. Okay, it's so clear I have no idea that that's just for today. You can find us online at Ridiculous Crime on both Twitter and Instagram. Note I will not be posting coop pictures

on Instagram. Whatever. You're welcome, America and the world. You gotta tip for us about a ridiculous crime that you want to hear about. Do you want to tell us about the time that you pooped on a cart in first class? Email us. We can take it at ridiculous Crime at gmail dot com. So tune in next time for more ridiculousness. Ridiculous Crime is hosted by Elizabeth Dutton and Zaron Burnett, produced and edited by Duty Free Dave Kusten. The research is by t s A pre boarding approved

Merissa Brown. The theme song is by Thomas Long Haul Lee and Unaccompanied Minor Travis Dutton. Executive producers are Upright and Locked Position, Ben Bollen and NonStop Noel Brown. Yeah. Ridiculous Crime is a production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts my heart Radio, visit the i heeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.