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Hey Dave Saren Burnett. Yeah, man, I got a note here at a headquarters from Elizabeth. It says she's out this week. She was apparently called into duty last minute something for her secret society. But that's all I know about it. So anyway, I guess it's just you and me this week. You down, I'm down. Yeah, let's do this. I figure we got we got this one right. So I gotta ask you, do you know what's ridiculous? What is it?
Why are you putting your hand out? I mean I might know what's ridiculous?
Wait? Is this like the old shoeshine bit where I gotta give you, like like a Hamilton a Jackson.
Yeah, I'm saying Alexander Hamilton might know what's ridiculous?
All right, I got a Jackson on it. How about does Jackson loosen those lips?
He might know a little bit. I don't know if you really know.
How about a Franklin Franklin loosened them lips?
Absolutely Franklin knows what's ridiculous? All right, Franklin does it? Thank you? Okay, Here's what's ridiculous, lad on man Cold dogs, Like have you ever seen a dog coming out of the of a lake and it's freezing out and it's just like dripping with water and it just it looks so sad and it deflated.
Oh yeah, saddest sight there is. I thought you meant like the opposite of hot dogs, like there's a new food. Because I'm so trained with Elizabeth mashups, I'm like looking for the mashup. So no, Dave, what is about a cold dog that you find so ridiculous other than the fact, yes, they look so sad.
Well, it's funny you would say that. I mean, because those are ridiculous. But another kind of cold dog that's ridiculous. Uh huh is the Oscar Meyer cold dog.
Oh my god, you did it.
The oscar Mere cold dog is a hot dog flavored frozen pop and.
Uh huh, I'm listening. Oh I'm listening.
It visibly resembles a hot dog topped with mustard and has quote smoky umami notes of Oscar Meyer's iconic wiener.
I can't believe you can I believe you did this to me?
Listen? What can I say?
You know?
I really need to embody the roll. I felt like it wouldn't be the same if I didn't give you back the energy that you expect.
Yes, no, I see you see me, I saw I was expecting it. I was looking for it, and I still didn't see it coming. Damn.
So we can skip through the rest. Blah blah blah. This came out a year ago. They made these pop shops. You could pop up and get them. You can't get them anymore. Sorry, rude dudes. But if you have, if anyone out there has tried this hot dog flavored popsicle, the Colt Dog, let us know, send us a talk back, send us an email.
Yeah, let them know anyway. Yes, that is ridiculous. You got me on that one. I got a hand it to you. I got one for you. You got a second.
Sure, ain't doing nothing else?
Hey, okay, So how about a crimer who pretends to be Pablo Escobar flies to Russia and successfully negotiates by a Soviet era nuclear missile submarine. Wow, Dave, that's just the tip of this weird iceberg of underwater crime. Today, I want to talk about something called Narco subs.
Yes, this is Ridiculous Crime, A podcast about absurd and outrageous capers heis and cons it's always ninety nine percent murder free and.
One hundred percent ridiculous. What he said is true, David, to set the stage for us today. First up, I want to dive into see the pun underwater semi organized crime.
I see you, I see you.
All right, we'll get into the cartels in the international mafia in a moment, But first, an American crimer with a plan. I'd like you to meet. Matthew Piercy. The forty four year old was a good family man, a church going citizen of Redding, California. I don't know if you know where that is. It's just north of my old hometown, frank By a couple hours central Valley, but north side, like on your way to humbold got it, Okay, It's a big into the railroad area, so I got
a turnaround for a lot of railroads. So anyway, dude, Matthew Piercy big in finance. He had a company called Family Wealth Legacy, another one called Zola Financial. None of that really matters, but that's where he got busy with criminal schemes involving wirefraud, mail fraud, and money laundering, a
classic trifecta anyway. According to the FBI, quote Matthew Pearce, he raised at lease approximately thirty five million dollars from investors through Family Wealth Legacy, Zola and Funds routed through Company three, and paid approximately eight point eight million two investors. Of the remaining net investment of approximately twenty six million, few if any liquid assets remained to repay investors. In other words, this dude conned people out of thirty five
million dollars. He spent eight point eight million to keep the long con Ponzi scheme going, then ultimately liquidated twenty six million for himself and his criminal confederates. This is all before the FBI caught wind of him. Now that bad for a day's work, right, seriously? Now, this guy primarily worked over the community. He was a member of Never Smart, but that was his choice. He was a conning conservative Christian Californians and their families. He had a
partner in his Ponzi scheme. Of course, he needed somebody like this, a sixty seven year old evangelist named Ken Winton. On his Facebook page, Winton, he calls himself quote a god lover that's with capital G capital l like it's a job title.
What do you do for a living time? The back of it, it's like the back of a denim jacket exactly.
You can see you like on this Yeah, totally big patch God lover anyway. Winton he liked to offer up empty platitudes about the importance of keeping God in one's life. For instance, he once posted on Facebook, God has been in the process of reconciling with humanity ever since Adam fell. Jesus was never God's Plan B. Now I don't know about all that, but I do know like God, Ken Winton's Plan B wasn't Jesus either. It wasn't even his Plan A. His Plan A was of course crime in
the name of Jesus. So he got to it, and obviously he had Matthew Pearcy with him. The two of them, they start working over all these eager believers. They conned them to the tune of tens of millions of dollars. Now, Ken Winton and Matthew Piercy, they would have gotten away with it, David, if it weren't for those pesky agents of the FBI. You see, starting back in twenty nineteen, FBI agents they began sniffing around Piercy and Winton's Ponzi scheme.
They began to interview some witnesses, who then let the purpose know that FBI agents were asking them questions that made them nervous. Now, Piercy, he routed three million dollars to a friend's medical business that was the business three so the FBI could not seize all of his assets. So now that he's secreted away three million dollars, he's got his like bug out money. So by twenty twenty grand jury subpoenas they go out to the investors in
Pierc and Winton's businesses. This leads to way more questions, pointed questions, the kind of questions that are difficult to easily answer. So what does Pierc do next? Well, He's like, well, looks like I'm gonna have to get on the old email machine. Deck clack clack, clack, clack clack. He starts sending out emails to investors to call many of their concerns. And the emails, Dave, they said that he was in touch with President Trump and that everything was fine. Because you know that's a play.
Yeah, I've tried that before. It didn't really work out.
Yeah, I got so I got the President on the red line, We're we're good, don't worry people. So he asked all the investors to reach out to President Trump and to you know, let him know that they also wanted him to make everything right because you see, there was nothing to worry about, because it was all part of a bigger plan. Now I have a highlight from the email that he sent out to investors, and I quote back in January, I compiled some unique perspective research
about bank safety. The Federal Reserve Board asked the question, well would happened to banks if there was a global shock event. The unfortunate reality of the recent global financial shock has poured rocket fuel on the urgency of this critical situation. The only way out is for banks to open Zola accounts and stop the bleeding. I've already sent this letter to President Trump, and I would encourage you
to send this to President Trump as well. Here at white House dot gov backslash contact Feel free to copy paste or drop it in the email. Now, in light of our emboldened focus to rescue the banking system, be advised I anticipate potential new levels of regulatory scrutiny. If you have any connections or contact with government workers, please let me know this.
This kind of reminds me of so I at one point set up an email address that was an uninvolved third party at gmail dot com. I think I still have it. That's great, And I encourage people, like, if you have something going on at work and you know you want to get someone to step in and help, just just copy me, put me in the CC line and and I'll jump in and adjudicate for you. And I didn't get any takers, but root, dudes, that's still available at the service.
To you to offer the service, you will adjudicate.
Yes, hit me up. I mean the same way this guy used President Trump.
Yeah, let producer Dave be your President Trump. That's what we're saying. Well, now, out of all that stuff in the email, this line was my favorite, the last line. If you have any connections or contact with government workers, please let me know. Like I'm imagining, like people are writing back that they have a cousin who works at BLM or coming at the Department of Interior. I mean, like,
what is that going to do anyway? Four days later, to further calm down his now panicky and suspicious investors, Piercy. He's signed the impact of COVID and the promise of a radical executive order by President Trump that was yet to be issued, and I quote, as you may recall, my firm has been a vocal proponent of an executive order from the office of President Donald Trump that would compel the big banks to open institutional accounts that offer
great yield and liquidity. We take the strong and unapologetic stance that the COVID nineteen related bank losses can be corrected and remedied by this common sense approach, which will provide greater liquidity and yield than what the banks are currently doing. One of the reasons you received a subpoena spelled incorrectly might be because of our firm's bold position and philosophy. We do not know why the government shows the timing of this COVID nineteen pandemic to add this
stress of the subpoena to your life. Like what, oh my god. He's like, yeah, it's COVID nineteen. We're on the line of President Trump. I mean, I don't know what's going on. It's these big banks, they're the problem. We're trying to get to the bottom of this this reason like qan non financial, and.
It's like sure, because sometimes you get unanticipated subpoenas all the time. I'm like, you're mowing your lawn totally. All of a sudden your email dings and it's something from the Department of Justice.
I'm like, what, I'm not subpoena exactly. You know how many subpoenas I got this last week. I actually have like a circular file just from all my subpoenas. Now the gist of his pitch to his marks, I'm sorry investors, was that twenty twenty progressed? You remember it? It just kept getting weirder and weirder, and it got more grim and more dire. And by all that, I mean for these investors in their money. But November comes around, FBI,
the Justice Department, They're ready to pounce. They're ready to stop the financial bleeding. However, Piercy was also ready for the FBI. So, according to the FBI's arrest complaint quote, when FBI agents attempted to arrest Piercy in Reading this morning, he fled by car. First, he led law enforcement on a vehicle chase that went off road twice in residential neighborhoods, including next to an apartment complex, and then later onto
Interstate five northbound. Law enforcement tracked Peercy's vehicle from the air during the chase. Then Piercy abandoned his truck near the edge of Lake Shasta, pulled something out of it. Nowday him going to pause for a second. What do you think he pulled out of his truck? I mean a AK forty seven. It's a good guess it is America. But no, in this case, he went full on poor Man's James Bond. He pulled out his own personal submarine submersible device. What yes, reading rural people, I thought I
told you about this up Central Valley. They just have trucks and you know, personal submersible devices for Lake Shasta. So he runs into Lake Shasta and he tempts to disappear under the water surface with his poor man James Bond. Now back to the FBI, I rest complaint pierced.
Wait wait wait wait wait wait what are they using personal submersible devices for other than escaping the cops?
Oh?
Who like criminals? Are the cops? Or who are we talking about?
The week this region of the country, in the Lake Shasta boah.
I just mean, you know, coming from these areas, this is the land of like you know, seedews and jet skis and people just having random boats on small lakes. What do I mean is you'll just be surprised what your friends may have in their garage. You're like, oh, you have your own submersible device. Of course you do.
Why not? Fair enough fall, But I'm imagining he's got it. It's like a suitcase. Yeah, is like pull it out, press a button and it turns into a submarine.
Yeah, it's like an Iron Man device. It just springs out. Now, Like I had friends who had four wheel golf carts, Like, why do you need a four wheel golf cart that sprayed camouflage?
Because David seeing in rural Rhode Island, I mean, we've got you know, coastline and lakes. I just it was just a lot of Skiffs's a lot of skiffs, a lot of john boats.
As you say, yeah, you know we had john boats and that's usually for fishing. But if you're like, you know, a young man or a you know, criminal on the run, you always want to have like a seedoo, a jet ski, or you know, a personal submersible device. So anyway, back to the FBI rest complaint quote, Piercy spent some time out of sight underwater. So this is like his escape plane is working, he slips under the water surface, and he's down there for some time out of sight underwater.
How long was some time, David try?
I think it had like it like it came with a straw and so like it was just a really long straw and some bubbles or coming up at the top.
Yeah, he's got like a snorkel, but the snorkels made out of bamboo because he didn't afford the good rubber one. So dude's down there for twenty five minutes. Now, you see, he had not made a perfect escape, because Piercy was bedeviled by the nature of the human need for oxygen. Not only did it limit his range of his escape,
but it also left a trail for the authorities to follow. See, while Piercey was zooming along underwater with his personal submersible device, according to the FBI quote, law enforcement could see bubbles.
So they just follow this bubble track right across Lake Shasta, and the cops and the Feds they watched their putterer's way across the lake and then they wait for this dufist to surface, and when he eventually surfaces on the other side, he walks out of Lake Shasta and they're just waiting for him, and he walks right into the waiting arms of law enforcement. Now, Dave, you're you're curious, like Elizabeth, you may be wondering, what's this cat's personal submarine look like?
You know, like Sar Jared, what's this cat's personal submarine look like?
Great question, Dave. Well, for one, it wasn't a sleek too. Remember I said earlier this it was a yeah, he pulled a poor man's James Bond. Well, this is what he used. The Yama three point fifty l I underwater submersible device, which looks.
Like this, oh like at Kawasaki Ninja.
Basically it's a joke. It looks like a lawn mower or like a lawn blower, but you took the big front tube off and you're just gonna push air like. I don't even know how this thing. I mean, yes, it creates some thrust and then you there's two handles on the side and you hold onto it and it pulls you forward in the water. Now, when I say pulls you. It's like at four miles an hour.
So it's like that that that hovercraft that's in the back of comic book magazines where you got to add the vacuum cleaner. Yeah, and it just like exits on top of the vacuum cleaner. Yeah.
But technically this is considered a sea scooter. Now, I didn't call it a sea scooter because that's misleading. There's no seat, like I think sea scooter. I'm thinking there's a seat. But apparently sea scooters aka diver propulsion vehicles are designed to be used underwater as a navigation device. They can pull a person around right, so ideally the person is wearing scuba gear and is out of fitted with breathing apparatus so they can stand water and they
don't leave a trail of bubbles. Well, the sea scooter it had first word into popular imagination and the underwater battle scene and the James bondflick Thunderball from nineteen sixty five. I'm not sure if you remember it, but there's this whole underwater battle scene that's the first time people see it. They go, oh my God, that's so cool. Criminals same thing. They're like, oh my God, that's so cool. They also another group that liked it, militaries around the world. They
often have these that they used. Right, So Piercy's plan is to be like the military, but he's like, I'm a criminals, so I'm gonna do it my way. I'm gonna zip away from the FBI, aided by my underwater sea scooter going three point seven miles per hour. Anyway, he gets out of the lake and his by the way he went into the lake and street clothes. So he gets out in his wet levis and he's standing there and the CHP and the FBI agents. They're like, hey,
your wife sent some dry clothes. Would you like to put these on. He's like, thank you, guys. She's so thoughtful. And then they like took them over to the EMTs and they checked his vitals. He was cleared, deemed meadically fine. They rush them down the hill to Sacramento. They're like, okay, we're gonna take you down the FBI local field office. He's like okay. Now he gets formally arrested, and now the dude is facing twenty years in federal prison. That's how much money he was stealing.
So this was got a theory. Hold on, I've got a theory ast to how they really caught him. How it wasn't the trail of bubbles. It was the flop sweat. I think they trained the police dogs to swim underwater follow the flop sweat, and eventually they just went up and like nipped him in the button just a little bit.
Totally. They didn't want to put that part of the dog's biting him. We could get sued, so let's cut that out of the story.
I like that theory.
Well, when we're let's take a little break, Dave, and then we'll be back. I'll get into international drug smuggling and the big boys who used actual submarines. Things were about to get wet and wild back in two and two. All right, day, we're back.
We are back.
I'm limbered up. I'm ready for another one. Good, you're all stretched, you're ready. Okay, this one is gonna ask a lot of you. You're a lot of mental calisthetics. Now, imagine drug running at a submarine in Detroit.
Submarine in Detroit. Yeah, I guess we're talking.
Okay, So this is are word starting to conjure up a magic for the imagination because just wait, Dave, I'm gonna get further into it. I want first, I want you to meet Glenn Mousseau, forty nine year old of Windsor, Michigan.
Glenn.
No, Glenn is a professional international drug smuggler, a Monday launderer, and an all around good time guy. No, the last part, I'm just kidding. I don't know. I've never met the guy. He just seems like fun as at least as a crimer. Because over his thirty two years as a criminal, Glenn Mussou has racked up forty seven convictions. Let's give a hand to Glenn.
That may end up getting a purpie at the end of the year. Like, that's a lot of convictions.
The guys stayed busy, you know, and he is just not good at crime, but he keeps trying, you know, practice practice, practice apparently with Glenn Musseau. Anyway, his primary place of business the Detroit River. Yes, that's where he liked to zip loads of pot and money back and forth across the US Canada border along that wet edge between the two nations. Now, his loads were typically pot, sometimes cocaine, sometimes methamphetamines. He would river pirate his contraband
across the border. But Mussau wasn't fond of boats like the pirates of old, so he didn't cott into yachts or sailboats, no, sir, not Glen Mussoe. No, he would glide under the water's surface and slice across the darkened depths of the Detroit River in a submersible. Now this wasn't always his mom because back in nineteen ninety five he was deported from the US back to Canada. But the crafty knock he snuck back over the porest not nearly as militarized northern border. Now back in America, he
gets back to doing crime. Finally. On May tenth, twenty twenty, Glen Mussou he was behind the wheel of a U haul truck. He was in place called China Township in Michigan. I've never been there, but sounds fun anyway. The officers who pulled up behind him, they were from Saint Clair's County Sheriff's office, and they were mad suspicious of this man in the U haul who seemed shady as all hell.
Generally a good guess that's someone, Yeah, dude in a U haul who looks shady is shady exactly.
It's pretty much a guarantee. It's one of those things like if you go to like a weird mattress store and you're like, these people seem shady, they are shady. Now. The suspicions were warranted when the deputies found a large plastic bag in the trunk and Mussou said he didn't know whose bag it was or where the bag had even come from. The deputies were like, yeah, okay, buddy, Now why were they so doubtful because inside the bag
was ninety seven thousand dollars. Now, normally people know where ninety seven thousand dollars came from or that it's in the truck with them.
He was like, no, I don't know what is Gosh, officer, if I had known, I would have been spending this money.
Yeah. Mosa's like, oh, would you look at this. It seems like a lot of money. Offices Now, the Michigan deputies they promptly arrest Mussou. He gets booked at Saint Clair County Jail. Once in custody, officers actually asking Mussau about the rented U haul truck with the large plastic bag with the ninety seven thousand, he'd never seen and had no idea how it got there or even whose money it was. New Mussau, he still did not have any good answers for the cops, so they just kept
pestering him with question after question. I don't know what happened. I guess he got tired, because eventually he did cough up some of the truth. So Mussau tells the deputies, Okay, I do know where the money has come from. Turns out it just came back from Okay, let I'll tell you this. I am a drug smuggler. I am a Monday lunderer. And they're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, are you just saying all these I guess I smuggled cash in enough of your country. And they're like, it's like,
I must have slipped my mind. I don't know when you were asking me. I get to nervous cops, you know, They're like, okay.
But we'll have a lot of jobs. This is just one of many jobs.
Yeah, I mean this is my night time job. I thought you met my daytime job. So he suddenly he recalls how he was trying to smuggle the money back into Canada and he was looking for a place to cross the border with his U haul truck with the ninety seven thousand in it. Now, Homeland Security gets called in because it's a border violation. Then he tried to interview Musso, and his story gets more and more outsized
as he goes. According to the court documents I checked out, Mussau quote explain that he runs a smuggling company and he's serving three criminal organizations in the United States. In Canada, He's like, I am the import to EXPORTO what you know I do contracts. Now, the money in the U haul that was payment for one hundred pounds of pot that had been paid for already, and he was smuggling the cash into Canada for the exchange. So the agents
at this point they're struck by Mussou's candor. They're like, this guy's awesome. He's just telling us everything. So they ask him, how are you getting the drugs into the US. You want to, like tell us how your operation works. So what do you think he tells him, Dave. Do you think he tells him the truth?
No?
I don't think so. And I mean, like, I know, you know, laws of supply and demand and everything, but I'm kind of surprised that someone feels the need to smuggle pot into the US, like we got plenty.
Dude.
Well, I guess apparently in the Midwest, Canadian pot is the thing. So I'm California. I don't know about Canadian pot me Like, I've heard about it. I know that it exists, but I mean, like, it's not a thing that we're like, oh, it's that good BC bud or whatever. But I know people like in like Indiana and Illinois, they would tell me about different Canadian strains. I was like, oh, okay, that's your guys, is like humboled Okay cool. So anyway, did he tell them the truth? The answer is kind
of he likes to always tell half truth. So he tells the Homeland Security agents that the drugs and the money either one. They would be wrapped super tightly and then so that they were airtight and also that means they were waterproof. So then he would pilot him submersible called a sea Bob across the Detroit River with the waterproof contraband in tow. Now, Dave, the sea Bob is no sea scooter like the one I showed you before. Now this is not like piercing his pathetic like Shasta escape. No,
the sea bob. This is a luxury submersible, just like imagine he's slapping the hood of a sea bob like I'm a car salesman. This bad boy will get the job done for your average smuggler looking to move a heavyload of contraband, my friend, what will take to get you in a sea bub today? Now this sea bob, it's like a sea sled. The diver lies down, they hold it and the twin engines power the sea Bob. Dave, it looks like this.
Yeah, see this is what I picture because there was one of the Gi Joe guys. Huh, this was his whole thing was like and as a kid, you wanted that. You didn't really care about the action figure, but you wanted that thing. Yes, exactly, this is totally action like action kid dreams.
You're like, oh, I'll be hanging onto that and I'll zip along and nobody can catch me. I mean it looks like it looks like something tourists would use in the Caribbean or Hawaii, and somehe was like, Oh, I want to be toodling along looking at the beauty or you know, moving one hundred pounds of pot across the border,
so our man in the sea bob moves. So he told Homeland Security all about how he would waterproof a load and then he'd hop on his sea bob and he'd take his luxury sea toy for a glide across the Detroit River. And in fact, he bragged that his smuggling outfit had three sea bobs. He's like, hey, man,
I really an adventure resort over here. Now, facing who knows how many years behind bars, Mussou told the Homeland Security agents eventually all that he knew heaus he claimed to tell them all that he knew he In fact, he informed the FEDS that he was down to cooperate with them. For instance, he told them about a big meth shipment that he had scheduled for the next day, and he said, if you guys want to pop in, I could arrange that's for you. You know, you can
meet some more from my organization. So the FEDS are like, oh, okay. It's like, well, you'll need to make up your minds quickly. It's tomorrow. So the FEDS are like, okay, let's think about it. They talk to their bosses or whatever. The FEDS are like, it's a go. So the they release Muso, right, but first before they get ready to do that, they're like, well, we need to see your cell phones, right, So they kind of want to tag his stuff and they want to see what he has. So he agrees, he lets
them search his two cell phones. The Feds they crack open his cell phones and they read all that their eyes can behold. They found texts, exchanges, chats between criminal confederates, GPS coordinates. They're writing all of this down planned drug exchanges. There's also discussion of making a drone submarine that could attach to the bottom of an ocean going ship and take a ride to Europe where smugglers, but then dislodge it and collect the coke that was inside.
I love it.
Right, this phone was a wealth of information for the FEDS. They're like, I didn't even know about this. This is amazing. Thanks the story. He's like, oh, on the problem, I tell you. We have partners now, right, So they're like, okay, Musso, we're gonna cut you loose, go make that meth deal. Call us in the morning and we'll be there for the raid. Right. Who's like, oh, well, yes, of course, so he cuts this deal. They release him, he goes
to make a scheduled meth deal. And that is what we in the storytelling industry, David, we call a bonehead decision. Because Musseau was released and checked into a local hotel, but there was no meth deal the next day. That was what we call a I Now he was in the Beymont Hotel in Flat Rock, Michigan. The desk clerk remembered him well. Apparently he made a memorable impression. The desk clerk later with tell authorities that Mussau said he was going to dip out for a bit because he
needed to attend a family funeral. That was his plans to cover Skipping town. So around three am, security cambridge footage from the hotel shows Mussau walk out of the hotel and then once he's free at the hotel that three hours later, around six am, he phones the front desk and he says, oh, yes, I talked to you earlier. Well I have I've left suddenly. As I told you, I'd like you to go and get off of my
belongings in my room. Gather them up, pack them up, and I will send somebody over to pick them up later. They're like yeah, yeah, sure, no problem. They make a note. Later that same Homeland Security they show up looking for Musso they're like, hey, where's the guy in like whatever three seventeen. They're like, oh, he checked out. What do you mean he checked out? They're like, oh, you know, be his room. So they're like, well, did he leave anything.
They're like, oh, yeah, he abandoned it. So they consider I don't know if the note wasn't passed. The hotel decides that since he left his stuff, it's been abandoned and they handed over to Homeland Security.
Or they're just like nope, I read that. I'm not doing it.
Yeah exactly. I think that is probably more accurate. Hotel Sef's like, I'm not getting involved. That's his Homeland Security buddy, so sorry, we're a little motel. So in his belongings the Homeland Security agents they find five more cell phones and he had a hole make a new identity kit. In this it consisted of a stolen Canadian passport, an Ontario temporary driver's license, and a Burth certificate. There was also a dry suit that's like a like a suit
for diving. It's like a wetsuit, but instead the body is designed to stay dry, as opposed to a wetsuit where the bodies designed to get wet.
Right, can I just instead pretend that it's a suit so that if you have a lot of flop sweat, just wix it off of you. So if you're going to you doing crimes, you're not uncomfortable exactly your super dry suit.
I like that idea. I need to get a tailor. So anyway, he Musseau. He had left his new fake identity behind, right, so what's he gonna do now? He still needs to cross the border to get back into Canada. He can't do it semi legitimately now, so he's like, oh, I know the way. On June fifth, at around two thirty five in the morning, agents from the US Border Patrol they spot this suspicious vessel in international boundary waters. It's a high speed boat making a high speed late
night crossing. Right now, they know this is not just some normal pleasure seekers out just like zipping along in their donzie. They're like, no, no, this has to be crimers making a run for it. So the border patrols give chase. They attempt a high speed boat chase right on the Detroit River. The Border Patrol agents they find that they they're they cannot get close enough. They're closing distance, but this high speed boat is way too fast. It's
at night, and they had got binoculars. They're looking at him, and they noticed one of the guys with the monoca They notice two large bundles go over the side of the speedboat. So some of the agents they peel off the speedboat chase and they go to fish out the two large bundles, and what do they find. They also
find an unconscious Mussou. He's just floating there in the Detroit River, kaoed by like the head slap to the water, I'm guessing, or maybe he was kaoed by the two large bundles themselves, which turned out to be two hundred and sixty five pounds of marijuana.
Now, maybe he just had too much Little Caesar's crazy bread and it just just totally blew up. His system just backed up on him. He's like, uh, I'm gonna get carbo loading. I'm gonna take a little nap, little Mussou nipe. So he has these two hundred and sixty five pounds of marijuana like two floaties attached to his arms and they keep him afloat right in time for the border patrol agents to just fish him out of the water. He gets promptly rearrested, charged on a whole
bevy of new charges. Now he tries to get back with his previous attempt at cooperating with the FELD.
He's like, no, remember before when I said that would cooperate, So let's talk about that some more.
Huh.
They're like, no, man, no, come on, Mussau. What with the river. He's like, oh, that's just fair. So he pleads guilty. The POD charges unlawful entry into US. He receives seventy one months in federal prison.
This maybe, yeah, Like I'm I'm doubling down that I think this guy is probably the worst criminal we've had on, like the least competent criminal that we've had on.
Yes, he's he has been like he just constantly gets busted, just constantly thinks like what if I flip on everybody I know?
And that like you're gonna get one over. Like I love the idea that his little mind is going and going and going and he's thinking like okay, So they like when I cooperate. If I give them something really big, then that will help me out a lot. So here, I'm gonna give him some really big and then like he walks away, like, well, now I have to fabricate an entire massive drug deal to get them the show up.
Like what's going through his mind that night? Is he just like does he start thinking maybe he's gonna try to concoct it and then give up, or is he just like I'm running for the border Now.
I think he's just making like a run for the border, like it's Taco bell. I think he's like, look, I'm out of here. I'm taking my tones pounds of pot and I'm hoping i can start a new life in Montreal. Dear lord, Yeah, now you reacted to the submarine attached to the bottom of the boat, right now, Yeah, those are That's called parasites smuggling. And I looked into this. Now this it's not the practice of sneaking bloodsucking insects
over the border. Nope. This is parasite smuggling is an adjective. It's it is a growing trend, and it's now actually almost big business, not quite but almost. It's what the FEDS found on Mussau's phone was plans for a drone vessel that would attach to the bottom of a ship. Now, the drone vessel was gonna have these powerful magnets that could just snap it attached and then they could be released and then all of a sudden you could just
float it away. It could then putt putt over to some people in a waiting boat somewhere else in the harbor. They pull it out of the water and they float away. Brilliant plan, right.
Sounds like a new San Francisco startup, Like they're gonna start selling that.
As a taxi service, getting people across the seas super cheap, so no parasite smuggling, organized criminals. They love it. But they have to use scuba divers to attach the cocaine stashes to the ocean going container ships and they're usually they're headed to Europe. That's always the questions, like how do we get this stuff through European customs? Now the stashes once again I said, they're secreted into torpedo shaped
containers and then they're not always attached by magnets. Other times they are welded to the bottom and then that requires underwater welders and divers. So you're getting into complicated operations now, well, I'll give you an example of one. Back in twenty thirteen, there was a French smuggling ring that had been using this tactic to pardon the pun swimming success. Now they'd attached eight long, eight foot torpedo shaped containers in South America to European bound cargo ships.
Their operation was only discovered by happenstance and a bit of dumb luck. The French port police from the Port of False sux Mer they were doing a patrol when they spotted this strange site. There's toodling around the harbor on like an underwater scooter were a pair of divers. They followed the diver's progress, but rather than bust the divers, they decided to track them. So it turns out one of the divers was the mastermind of a big bank high so we should probably cover the Bank of France
heist from nineteen ninety two. So they follow this cat and that way they can both bust his whole operation. The port police learned the smuggling operation was super advanced and high tech. The torpedo stash it would be attached to the cargo ship hole, as they said, with powerful magnets, then they could spot weld it. Otherwise these guys were using magnets. They're like, oh, this is incredible. Right now the other designs I told you where they have the
spot welding. That obviously is a little bit more difficult. But either way, what always is a question is is you know if you want to get it across the Atlantic. The smugglers, if they attach it to a big ocean going container ship, they can now just watch their progress on open source ship tracking apps.
Oh yeah, and.
They know exactly when the ship gets there. There's no more guests work, they don't have to have a spot or sitting at the harbor. There's no bribes, they don't have to bribe the ship's captain, nobody, none of the seamen board, nothing. They just do it open source now and then they wait. They get real time updates, they show up for the progress they's smuggled shipment, and then boom, ship reaches harbor. Smugglers take a little go fast boat or a dinghy or maybe even a john boat out
and then they just drop the parasite subout and then boom. Done.
Deal Now sometimes they just they'd crack that thing open right there. They're like, you know what, we deserve a reward. They just like bust over a torpedo. Yeah, just take a few sniffs, like an eighties an eighties cop show. They're cut that bag open. See if this is the good stuff?
Oh boy?
Now, in reality, theirs the typical submarine stash. It does not be saying detach on her own and neatly pilot away as the Musseau and these guys had planned. Usually divers have to go down, they have to hand release the stash.
Well.
The problem is is working at night in a harbor is dark, dangerous work. We were talking oily murky waters. Divers often die doing this. So the cartels they can't just throw in like some random flunkies with an oxygen tank and say have at it. Boys. They have to go and as I said, hire the best divers they can. So they end up hiring world class divers for instance, exactly like there's this dude, Matthew Maddie thunder Hotter. He was an Australian stripper and a world class diver. Yes,
really interesting guy. He gets busted on drug possession charges after he attempted a risky dive to retrieve ninety one kilos of cocaine from the Spirit of Auckland while it was at anchor in a place called Port Chalmers. He got busted and so Maddie thundered down under. He's just one of the many world class divers who've been seduced away from their life as well, in his case, a male stripper and world class diver. And now they're like, oh, I got to respond to the siren call of organized crime.
It just pays so well because most of the time these guys are getting away with it. And when they do get busted, yes, things and get real bad, real quick, and that is if you don't die doing it. But most of the time it works for them, so you can see why they would do it.
But yeah, and these guys they probably want to be like diving in old sunken ships and like finding gold and stuff, you know, like that's why they get into the biz. And this is kind of like that exactly.
It's and it's you know, it's a lot of fun and adventure and it seems like kind of dangerous and you feel like, oh, you're in like some kind of like you know crime movie. They're like, oh, I'm going to get a night down to the French harbor to dive in and you know, swim underneath a ship and detach cocaine. I mean, like, come on, as cool as hell. Yeah, yeah, it seems cool as hell until you're arrested. Then you hear it read back to you. You're like, okay, that
that doesn't sound good when you say it. It sounded better in my head. Anyway, Dave, let's take a little break and after this we'll get to the wildest story yet. I promised you Narco subs were getting Narco subs, and this time Pablo Escobar he tries to buy a nuclear submarine from the Soviet Union. Yes, okay, Dave, we're back.
How that happened? Where'd we go?
I know it? Just warm, delicious ads. Did those feel good for you? They felt great for me.
The ads were like a pillow under my lumbar area and just it's like under my neck, a beautiful slumber.
And the cool side of the pillow. No, less, that's right. Now you're ready to talk about the dream of the true Narco submarine.
I'll say this with no lie. I am as ready as I will ever.
Be okay now first, because I want you picturing the right thing. We're talking real, actual, factual submarines. Now, do you know about the history of Columbia trying to get a cocaine sub fleet going? I do not this ever come up and you're reading now okay, to be clear, not the country of Columbia, but rather the cocaine cartels of Columbia at one time. The cartels they wanted to have their own navy. They're like, you know what would be great is we had our own boats, but not boats.
We want submarines, something for under the sea. Because this dream, it remained a dream for a long time but has since been realized, but never like in the true like Tom Clancy style Hunt for the coc October.
No.
Instead, real coke subs have been kind of embarrassing thus far, especially as an effort from basically a multi billion dollar industry. I mean the cocaine people. They got money. They can throw it at their R and D. But anyway, before we get to Pablo Bascobar and his Soviet era missile sub first, I'd like to take you into the Eastern Pacific Ocean a board a coastguard cutter. And to do that, I would like you to close your eyes, and David, I'd like you to picture it.
My eyes are closed. I'm opening a course cutter too.
The year is twenty eighteen, the month is June, and you, Dave, are aboard the Coastguard cutter Monroe. As it slices through the open ocean waves, it rises and then slams down. After each wave's lift, sea spray splashes against your cheeks, wetting your face in a semi regular rhythm. Dave, you are a Coastguard cadet.
This is your is a dream come true.
This is your first big mission at sea. Good luck seamen. Oh wait, that's the Navy. Sorry I should say good luck guardsman. Anyway, your vote is not out on a patrol, no, sir, you are on the hunt. You've been coordinating with a Coast Guard aircraft that's been tracking your prey and guiding you from above. The prey in question is a Narco sub. The sub is surfaced, yet it's still difficult to spot since it's painted blue like the water. But from above,
from the sky, its trail is easier to track. This Coast Guard aircraft. It gives your cutter that all clear to engage. Your boat goes full throttle to catch the sub before it slips back under the surface of the sea and it disappears. The sub in question is not a military sub yet it is fully capable of submerging for a length of time. This sub was most likely constructed in the jungles of Columbia before it was launched
by the cartel. The reason your boat must be quick is that once the sub slips under the surface of the water, the sub is designed to be sunk, intentionally sunk. The evidence lost to Davy Jones's locker while the crew escapes the sinking submarine, only to be rescued by you in the coastguard, which they know won't let the crew drown. So your cutter closes in on the surface narco sub wave splashing, wind blowing, You feel the adrenaline pumping through you.
Two smaller boats are set to be launched. You're ordered into one of the small boats and you attempt to go and board the submarine. This does not sound like a good idea to you. It's the middle of the open ocean. These are cocaine smugglers, most likely armed, perhaps heavily armed, but anyway you steal yourself. You calm, you're racing mind as the small boat's engine does its job getting you closer to the sub. Your boat races up alongside the Narco sub, the engines humming against the sea.
You spot the poorly painted blue paint job of the sub up close, and then your boat bumps up against the sub. The engine cuts out. You can hear the sea water laughing against the sub. The guardsman next to you, he just jumps onto the sub. His boots slap the sub steal skin. Water rushes past his boots as he grips tight to the sub. You watch, just amazed the guardsman. He grabs hold of the hatch and he wheels it open as it winds with each revolution. Then he yanks
open the hatch. He wins, expecting gunfire. You hear the guardsmen yell down to the cocaine smugglers. Everyone out of the sub. He sounds like some kind of honky lifeguard working at a suburban pool back on in Providence. But the coke smugglers listen right, They jump and crawl out of the sub. You were gobsmacked and so glad it wasn't you who had to jump onto the homemade narco sub. There you go. Dahn't it that?
You're so good? Oh my god.
Now aboard that narco sub, the Coast Guard would discover seven hundred kiloads of coke. That's about fifteen hundred pounds of cocaine, if you want to do the math, or about three quarters of a ton of coke.
So how many how many for f one fifties? Is that it's like half an f one fifty.
Yes, I had never thought of coke in f one fifty terms, but we have to start doing that, only placing it in F one fifty conversion rates.
That's amazing. So the Coast Guard estimated the street value at three hundred and thirty two million dollars, but as you and I both know, those estimates are usually too high. But still a bunch of cocaine. So the dream of a narco sub, as it was realized there, was done poorly. But it is a very old idea for the cartels. It dates back to the nineties when they first started to really get into it. Now, the footage of you when your Coast Guard mission, when that drug intradiction, that
footage hit the internet. It went viral folks were like, what the hell the cartels have their own submarines, you know, because they didn't realize they've been trying out, they've been trying to do this for you know, Nia on twenty years. But the idea of cartels with submarines of cocaine, it's like criminal sci fi. It's like, are you kidding me? Now, clearly it'd be genius for a smuggler to be able to hide in the ocean, because you know, oceans are
like what seventy percent of the Earth's surface. I mean, you're increasing your surface area by unfathomable amount.
Anyway, and you can a run silent and be run deep. Very true.
Now, really this is a big game changer for them, but it's it's apparently still not a super common tactic. But as I told you, I want to tell you my favorite story of a Narco sub and of course it features Pablo Escobar. Now, as they set up top cartels, they had their eye on buying an actual, factual Soviet era Fox Trot class submarine. But what maybe even crazier is that the Russian military were more than happy to
discuss prices, payloads, and even deliveries schedules the dave. I'd like you to meet Ludwig Feinberg aka Tarzan.
That's this guy, my man, your man? Or is he just a dude.
He's just a dude. But his street name Tarzan. I'll give him that. He's got a dope street name. So the year is nineteen eighty and Tarzan lands in Miami. He arrived at the height of the cocaine cowboy ara in Miami. Organized crime is just doing gangbuster as well in the Florida Southland, and that's how Tarzan. He gets a job working for the Gambino crime family. He becomes an enforcer for the mob. He finds it he's really good at beating people within an inch of their life.
So he's like, oh, I think I can make a go of this, maybe make a career out of that. I could turn people into like a high paying career here in America. And he does, and unlike boxers, he wouldn't even have to wear satin shorts. He's like, this works for Tarzan, so soon as I'll set your own hours, yes, exactly, be your own boss. He's doing well enough that he gets goes from mob enforcer to eventually strip club owner,
He's like, look at this, oh Mary right. So, Inspired by the the very raunchy comedy of the day, Tarzan named his new place Porky's.
Oh boy, yeah and so, being that he was Russian, his strip club quickly becomes good. I was gonna say, he's probably so embarrassed. Now he's like, oh, that did not that did not make it safe. Way into twenty twenty three, I can't even talk about my old strip club anymore.
Yeah, my old strip club would be canceled these days, guys. Being that he was Russian, his strip club quickly becomes the choice hangout for the Russian mafia figures of Miami. Working out of the strip club, Tarzan graduates to being a respected organized crime figure all on his own. He begins to be introduced to the rich and the famous, those who had a taste for the tawdry and the lurid.
Eventually well, for instance, the rapper Vanilla Ice. Vanilla Ice, who is not just a fun name to say, but he would become key to this story because he was the one who introduced Tarzan to his future partner in Crimejan Almeida. We would not have this story without Vanilla Ice. Strange corners.
Yeah, what I really want to know is, and you'll have to indulge me. If somehow Rockman loves driving Lamborghinis are gonna play into this, then you'll really have my attention.
I wish I could do that. I'll see what I can do. Let's see if I can stretch it now. Juan Almeida he was in the import export business, which means he primarily moved exotic, high end supercars and super pricey speedboats, some of them legit, some not legit. Anyway, by this time, we're into the early nineteen nineties and the Soviet Union has just collapsed. So Tarzan he's like, oh, I can finally return home to the new Russian Federation.
So he does exactly that. He goes back there with Juan Almeida, and together they start exploiting the post Soviet collapse to their benefit. They basically buy up anything that moved. They could think, oh, yeah, I can get top dollar for that motorcycle back wherever, right, I'll take that boat. They're taking up everything that people would buying at the end of the Soviet collapse. They're paying pennies on the dollar for this stuff. Or I'm sorry pennies on the ruble.
But anyway, these two of scrupulous international mobsters, they work their magic and the chaos of post Soviet Russia and they meet this equally moral lists man named Nelson Tony Yester. I do not know how you get Tony out of Nelson, so don't even ask. I have no idea what to say. I mean, street named Tony.
Yeah, how do you get Tarzan out of that other dude's name?
Yeah, exactly. So anyway, Tony Yester, he is a bona fide international criminal. He was aligned with a meta Yin cartel, which was Pablo Escobar's cartel. Now, when Tony Yester cross pass with Tarzan and Juan Almeida, the three men came up with one al of a business deal. Yester would broker the deal for Pablo Escobar, Tarzan and Almeida. They'd offer up their Russian contacts to make the deal. So what was the deal, Well, Pablo Escobar he wanted to
buy two Russian made Kamov helicopters. If you're not familiar with this line of Soviet transport choppers, the Kamov Dave was a heavy payload chopper. It was a helicopter perfect for moving hundreds and hundreds of pounds of cocaine like beautiful. Yeah, I'm guessing it was most likely the kamov Ka thirty two.
Which is a beautiful, beautiful bird.
Oh yeah. He's often billed as quote the most powerful heavy load helicopter, twin engine with coaxial rotor system with lifting capacity of up to five tons. It's a bad boy. Nice now, this thing was It looks like something Rambo would shoot down with the Bazuka, you know, like twin rotors, like big wide Soviet style. Anyway, the deal goes through. All sides are pleased. Pablo gets his Soviet choppers, starts slanging coke out of him. Almina returns to Moscow for
a new deal. He's like, oh, but this time he doesn't say like, I'm here on behalf of Pablo Escobar. This time he says, I am Pablo Escobar. He goes around Russia pretending to be Pablo Escobar.
Now, I mean, if you can get away with it, it's a strong move.
They didn't have the Internet, they couldn't look it up. People were like, well he looks Spanish to me, well, Colombian. Whatever. He speaks Spanish. I don't know.
Uh, I have to confess I did, and I don't. I don't look Spanish, I don't have any Latin blood.
Yeah.
I did once use a fake ID of my sister's boyfriend Miguel Sanchez to uh maybe, so I've done this and it works.
It did work, It does work. Yeah, I'm telling even I could use like a Spanish name. People are like, okay, yeah, maybe Cuban. I don't know whatever, So I think we should all just keep that in mind. You can always pretend you speak Spanish. Anyway. Well, he's bobbing around post
Soviet Moscow. Al Naida and Tarzan. They arrange a deal to supply the new capitalistic nation with all the cocaine that it can snort, smoke or shoot, and everyone's like, yay, not really, but anyway, this cat al Juan Almida and the former mob enforcer Tarzan. They both become heroes to the Meda Yine cartel and specifically to Pablo Escobar. He doesn't even care that they've been pretending to be him. They're like, hey, you got the deal, that was great,
and I didn't get shot. You can get shot for me.
Whatever, imagine the free stuff, like just the incredible amount of free stuff you get if you tell everybody you're Pablo Escobar.
Oh my god, yes, or the stuff you can just take, say i am Pablo Escobar. They don't have to give it to you can just give it to yourself.
You like, oh, you don't have any tables available, Well, I'm taking that one. Did you get the hell out?
Yeah? You can just sit down Pablo Escobar. They're like, okay, I'll be sitting over here. So Juan Almida Tarzan. They now are working as a personal go betweens between Colombia and Russia, working essentially for Pablo Escobar as his man in Russia. But soon thereafter, in the waning days of nineteen ninety three, Pablo Escobar gets gunned down by the Colombian army and they're like, oh man our bell cow Now.
In response, they're like, what are we gonna do? They wait around a little while, and the newly formed Cali cartel, So the Cali Cartel forms. After the Median Cartel basically loses its leader, they're like, oh, we're gonna go out and become our own cartel. They reach out to Almeda they're like, hey, remember what you did for Pablo, we'd like you to do that for us. We're gonna go
bigger than he ever did. The Cali Cartel asked them to become their hardware supplier for another purchase of former Soviet military equipment, but the Cali Cartel is like, we don't want choppers. We're not into all that. Tony, Yester, see if you can get us a fully functional Soviet submarine. He's like, yes, I'll ask around what I can do. They're like, yeah, we don't want a nuclear powered one. We don't have all the plutonium for that. Just one of the old diesel numbers. But make sure that it
has missile capabilities. He's like, ah, done deal.
Also, cool hats the submarine and a couple cool hats.
Yeah, give us some of those fur hats. We want those for the boys now.
Yester.
He tells the Cali Cartel that the Soviet sub would cost a cool fifty million dollars. Cali Cartel's like, whoa, whoa, it's a lot more than we thought. We were expecting a way lower number. But then they're free spending. I mean, they are a cocaine cartel. They're they're making, you know, but they are once again a business. They have their minds on profit on the bottom line. This, you know,
drug dealing is not a nonprofit business. These guys are like, you know, how much let's think about the return on our investment. How much tonnage of coke could we ship in a Soviet submarine? To Tony Ester's like, does the calculations, He's like, uh, according to my calculations, you could expect to ship about forty million dollars of coke per load. They're like, done, deals.
Out, We'll take it.
We'll take can we get two? So that Tony Yester he goes he gets the go ahead from the Cali cartel. He goes back to Tarzan and Almida. He's like, talk to your Russian contacts, let's do this. They contact the Russian Navy and Tarzan is told it'll take a few days to find out if the deal can even be done. They're like, we'll see see if this wee can actually
make this happen. It takes two days. Two days after that, Tarzan picks up the phone and he hears, do you want submarine with missiles or without?
Yeah?
So the Russian Navy was ready and willing to sell a fox Trot class Soviet submarine. The sub had been at sea since the nineteen fifties, but it was still ship shape and seaworthy. This diesel submarine was three hundred feet long. It boasted ten torpedo tubes. You know it In case like the cartel wanted to like sink like a coast guard cutter, they had options. Or if they wanted to sink an American battleship, whatever, they had options. So the deal in place. Tarzan and Almida they flew
back to Moscow. They met again with their contacts who introduced them to the high ranking officers who gave the cartel fixers a tour of their super secret submarine installation and the tour of the subs that they had in their super secret submarine base. Tarzan and Almeia were like, Hey, would it be cool if we took a photo with the subject proved to the cartel that is real and in good shape and not a scam. And they're like, no, no, no,
I don't think that would be a yet yeth. But the Russian naval officers, you know, even though they were leary about photos of the super secret sub basse. Tarzan was like, you know, money talks, so how about two hundred dollars? And they're like, okay, so that's a selfie exactly two hundred bucks, the guys, Tarzan gets his photo. Now, at one point, according to Tarzan and confirmed by Tony Yester, the Russians even asked the cartel, would you look to
buy nuclear weapon? We have all sorts here right, So they were terrifying considering selling a nuclear weapon to the Cali cartel. And now how serious they were is left for you to decide.
I don't know.
But anyway, at this point, Tarzan and all of his movements and his business moves, they've drawn the surveillance of the American intelligence community and the DA. He's on two radars. So the fedger is so deep nownto his crime circle that they have worked a mole inside who's telling them everything about what he's doing. It was the fed's mole who spotted the photo of Tarzan and the Russian naval officers standing in the secret sub basse in front of
the submarine. So that picture eventually became his undoing because the sub photo, when the mole tells the FED, oh yeah, they're looking at a nuclear sub They're like, wait what the FEDS go crazy about that, right, They Yeah, he's got a photo on his desk if him in a secret to a Soviet sub base. They're like, okay, all all all green flags are waving now. They're throwing all the money, all the agents they can at this.
I mean I would do that. Like, if you had that kind of a photo, put it on your desk, right, I put it framed?
He kidding me.
Yeah, so you said your Christmas card, Yeah.
Exactly on the front door of my house. So he tells his handlers. The mole tells his handlers about the sub deal. They freak out. They go and they give him a bugged phone because they want to know everything he's saying now, So like, here, give Tarzan this bugged phone. The mole goes, and he does. He tells him it's a jail broken phone that he has, and he's like, oh, I got a bunch of these. You can now make international calls for free. That's all tar And needs to hear.
He's like, oh, free international calls, and he starts using the bugged phone as his primary phone call for all of his international calls. So now the FEDS are hearing everything. But regardless of this, in the end, it wasn't the FEDS who stopped the sub deal. It was Tony Yester. Because you see, Tony Yester received ten million of the cartel's money to deliver as a down payment on the Russian sub. Instead, he decided to not do that. He's like,
this money looks really good in Tony Yester's wallet. I think I'm gonna keep it. So he does. He kept the cartel's sub money. He's like, what are they gonna do?
Call a cop.
But Yester as he steals the ten million, he.
Just slips it right into his sheepskin wallet. He's just like yeah.
He's like, ey, you gotta find Tony Yester. Remember last time he saw him it was yesterday and today is today. So anyway, he hides out of a friend's house. He pays that friend ten grand to tell nobody he's there and to stay away from the house. The friend does it, so Tony Yester thinks he's Golden David. He was not golden because the Cali cartels showed up in Miami on the hunt for Tony Yes, and they're missing ten million
dollars as everybody knows they would. They found only Tarzan and his partner in crime, Almeda, and they're like, look, look, we don't know where he is. And they're like, come on now, man. So the cartel like they're pumping these guys for information. I don't know if they were tortured or not, but anyway, these guys are on the hook for the ten million dollars. They swear on their lives, which make no mistake, their lives were at risk. They swear on their lives that they had nothing to do
with Tony Yester. They don't even know where that guy is. Eventually, the cartel believes them and somehow Tarzan and Almida they get trusted. They get to keep their lives, and even Tony Yester he keeps his lives. He managed to avoid being busted by the US FEDS, who had them all under surveillance. However, he couldn't avoid prison forever because Tarzan and al Meeda they would eventually get locked up on other charges down the line unrelated to the submarine deal.
They were all busted on charges related to their other dealings with the Cali cartel and the Russian So it turns out the cocaine was enough to bust them, So Tarzan then flips a Almeda and his testimony puts his little partner in crime behind bars. But then later on, in this crazy unexpected twist, Tarzan then recants his testimony, which then sets his buddy freeze, only he ends up having to do the time Almighty gets released. Tarzan, mind you, he is still alive, Dave. He served out his sentence
in America. Then for him, he did another one down in Panama, just to see if you could get even more right. He has not gotten more right.
Just to check out the facilities. He's like, I want to see what Panawa has to offer.
Yeah, what's the difference. How do they do it down here where the weather's warmer. So then eventually he goes back home to Russia. Now, the best as I can tell, he was last known to be living in Odessa, Ukraine, which, as you well know from world events, is a tough place to be right now. So I don't know if he's still there. I'm betting not there it is. That's the closest the cocaine cowboys ever got to getting their own true narco sub They were so close if not
for Tony Yester. And they almost got a nuclear weapon out of it too.
So are you saying that Tony is still at large with the ten million.
Tony No, as far as we know, Tony Yester managed to get away as far as I could find.
How many like that's a man, that's a whole nother podcast, Like how many people managed to take money from the cartel and live to.
Tell the tale?
Right?
Yeah, So what's our ridiculous takeaway? David?
Well, thank you for asking. I'm glad that that you the game recognizes game. Yeah, tell Elizabeth for a change. You know, I was thinking about it, and I think it's uh that Tarzan really represents the Peter principle. The Peter principle is like you get promoted to your level of incompetence. He was a great muscle guy, right, Like,
he was an absolute perfect enforcer. He and and he pulled a couple of moves and like got high up enough in the organization and eventually he reached the place where he needed smarter people around him and didn't have them someone else. It's like if you had just stuck with walking around impersonating Pablo Esquar and getting free stuff.
He probably would have been fine, but it was the career. Yeah, that could last a lifetime, and you know, doing errands for Escobar like all that stuff until you you know, inevitably piss him off. But to that point he would have been fine. It was purely like, you know what, I'm going to try to do this like serious international arms trade. I'm gonna try to pull off something that's never done before. He needed a project manager, he did an accountant. He needed these skills that he didn't have.
And that's where kind of the the criming skills just ran out. He ran out to string totally. He needed a business manager. He needed a fixer. He needed someone who was a dreamer. Maybe he needed a good woman in his life.
I don't know. But he needed a partner who cared about him and didn't it would sit him down to tell him the truth. It's like, look, maybe go back to being a strip club owner.
Yeah. He also needed a like in the eighties movies. He needed a goofy guy with a hat. He's like your sidekick. He didn't have any of these things. Yeah, he was missing at all.
Well what about you?
What is your ridiculous takeaway? Mister Zarin.
Oh, thank you, David. You know that's just so neat, so orderly. I mean, boom boom oh, I love it. My ridiculous takeaway is that how these guys get their criminal nicknames Tarzan? I want to know how a Russian guy gets named Tarzan? Like, was he like, you know, was he a swinger? Was he like you know with somebody who's like, hey, he's known to go from vine to vine, Like, what's the deal that you get the nickname.
Long air?
He had a taste for apes. He's like, well, you know, he always wants to go to the zoo. I'm just curious about that.
But there you go.
That's all that's all I got for you.
So that was a great story.
Thank you, Erin, thank you for listening well you. As always, everybody can find us online at Ridiculous Crime on Twitter and Instagram. We have a website ridiculous Crime dot com. We're occasionally we have merch so look for that. We also love your talkback, so holler at us. That's on the iHeart app, or you can email us if you want a Ridiculous Crime gmail dot com. As always, right, dear Elizabeth, and there you go. Catch you Next Crime.
Ridiculous Crime is hosted by Elizabeth Dutton and Zaren Brigant, produced and edited by Rear Admiral of the Ridiculous Crime Maybe CHRISTI That's Researchers by Marisa call Me Paristreika Brown and Andrea The Call Me Lady Glassamows song Sharpened Tear. Our theme song is by Thomas Don't Look at Me, My fam Is Finish Lee and Travis Communism was just a red herring. The host wardrobe provided by Botany's five hundred.
Executive producers are Ben I'm in Rihanna's Navy, Boland and Noel and I would like to join the Seven Nations Army.
Brown Cry Say It one More Time Crime.
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