Classic RC: Let's Take to the Sea!

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Hi producer Dave, then the interns. Can someone pick up the phone?

Listen?

Zaren and I were on the podcast or commuter bus this morning and the driver kind of flipped out and took us all to the beach instead of dropping us off at headquarters, and then she ran away with the keys to the bus. So Zaren standing in line for an ice cream cone with Katie Kuric right now, and all the podcasters are trying to record episodes on travel mics and they're all talking at once and it is driving me nuts. So I'm hiding under a park bench, just trying not to get a sunburn.

Listen.

I hope that someone there is checking.

These voicemails and it's not the person who checks the emails. Can you run a classic episode for us, maybe something.

About escaping in the ocean.

Thanks, guys, I owe you one.

Elizabeth Dunton, Zaren Burnett, I'm so glad to see you.

I am glad to see me.

Hi, Ben, I've been good. Good nice pants, thank you much.

These are my crazy pants.

Yeah, it's all crazy, you know, it's ridiculous.

I do what is it? Listen? Listen to this uh game freak.

That game freak is the creator of pokemonka, which I always like to call Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon, mister Pokemon. Nothing irritates little kids more than when you refer to it as Pokemon. You guys got them Pokemon cards.

Yeah, you do it like real quick, like it's a name like Pokemon, mister Pokemon.

I think the whole things are. There's like the Pokemon Go where you just go, you play.

It outside, you walk around.

Sure, you just go. But you know, I love a good collaboration. So take a guess.

What do you think you could mash up with Pokemon crab traps?

Yes, totally ll bean Pokemon Pokemon. No, let me tell you something.

Glass hammers.

If these are designed with a crystallized quality, close crystal, they're iconic and are iconic. They're exclusive styles in eighteen carrot yellow gold with diamonds or with oxidized sterling silver.

Yeah, you're moving away from my answer.

It's Tiffany and Company what you can get, and it's based on them. This man, Daniel Rsham, he does Pokemon sculptures, Pokemon sculptures, the Pokemon Yeah, he had a whole art exhibit called a ripple and tyme, I didn't even bother to look it up because quite frankly, I.

Didn't need that in my life. Better as a book, right, and so that is a good book. AnyWho.

So yeah, so he does these Pokemon sculptures, the Pokemon's and he's made them into Tiffany necklaces.

Does Tiffany know this?

Tiffany, has anyone told you about this?

So if you want an eighteen cater you will just blink avec Damon's. I'm trying to open it up and it won't let me. I don't know how much these things. I don't think that they're If you want to get one, you have to sign up for SMS updates. No spoiler alert, I signed you what those are?

Did you get one?

You're supposed to say where my phone is?

Well, when you find it, you'll get a text from Tiffany and Pokemon and they're going to say do you want some?

And you have to hit why or yes, You're such a good friend. I am such a good Thank you so much.

You know it's also ridiculous. Tell me, okay, well, this is just a truth, a truism. Whatever you want to call it a fool on a mission. Right, they will likely go far further than anyone would have predicted a.

Fool on a mission. A stolen commis right?

You you know the fools? They are my people. Yes, yes, So that's why I'm going to call this one. Let's take to the sea. This is Ridiculous Crime, a podcast about absurd and outrageous capers, heists and cons. It's always ninety nine percent murder free and ridiculous game freak. Okay, Elizabeth, this first story I have for you today. It's like a short story that Kafka would write, just throwing a

I don't know?

Okay, I think so. But anyway, it's about a Korean man try to stay with me. His Chinese name was Kwanping, but he never liked that. He preferred his Korean name, and that's the one he would like to use online. So his Korean name was Kwan Peong, and we're gonna call him Kwan Peong, so my man Peong. He lived in northeastern China. Now that's where he liked to hop online and openly mock the Chinese Communist Party that runs China.

That's a little dangerous.

Yeah, that is what we in the Living to See Tomorrow business call a bad idea. He primarily posted on English language outlets, right, there were ones that were forbidden in China, so that kind of minimized his damage he was doing to the party. He would post on Twitter and on Facebook. Now both of those are blocked on the Chinese Internet. You cannot just hop onto Twitter from China. Yeah, you have to be able to navigate the dark web and access those types of sites. He could do that, right,

Was he a citizen of the world.

Oh, you better believe a sister. Now, how did he plan to overturn communism?

You ask, h how did he plan to overturn communism?

I ask great question, Elizabeth, thank you. Was he organizing young people? Was he fostering underground networks? Was he using his hacking skills to wage war against the Chinese censors and online firewells. Did he connect with dissidence and help them to avoid detection online? No? No, no, and no.

Did he post gift reactions on Twitter?

What my man did was hop online and post a selfie of him wearing a shirt of Jijienping. The shirt called gi wait for it, Hitler like Zitler. Right yeah, oh, I may be not saying that exactly correct, but Hitler with G in front of it, you get.

It, Sitler.

So my man, after thoroughly mocking the General Secretary of the Communist Party aka the Supreme Leader of China with his clever T shirt Piong, he captioned his political selfie, Let's work together and topple this invisible wall. Something's about to get toppled. Brother, Yeah, right now. He posted his Zitler selfie and his provocative caption not on Webo, which is the Chinese language version of Twitter.

Yah.

Now, as you know Webo, it's heavily censored and it's not easily We can't just hop onto Webo, right sure, but that's where you would think woman would want to be talking to people trying to take down Chinese communism, But not him. He's like, ah, I'm gonna go pop on Twitter. So why, Elizabeth, why did my dude Peong, who is basically the literal definition of a keyboard warrior against communism at this point, decide to take to Twitter.

A political existential question.

Yeah, no, it's just a curiosity. If you will, I'll tell you the answer though, right, because well, first let me say this, I don't mean to mock this guy. Right, he's far braver than I am. Or no, I'll put it this way. He's willing to do stuff I would never do. Okay, okay, better. So the reason Peong was so western, mind is that he studied in America. He came here for college. He attended Iowa State University. That's where he got a degree in aerospace engineering. Good head

People can't get off of Twitter.

Right to this point, the year was twenty fourteen, right, So he's back in China, he's graduated in my Manpiong. He gets his life set up in a city called Yanbien. Now it's the central hub for a very sizable Korean population. I didn't know any of this. When I was researching, I learned that this is this the Yanbian is basically a major point of focus for Korean investors right now. They're all trying to, like, you know, scrape some of that money out of the massive Chinese economy, and this

Right?

So the charges against Pyong they were serious. He was facing one and a half years long prison sentence for quote inciting subversion, basically don't wear that shirt anyway? Trial lasts how long? One day, speedy trial with justice. He's of course found guilty, off to prison. He goes now that real big bad trouble had found him, what would my man Peong do? Elizabeth run away? No, he did his stretch in prison. Yeah, he's like a big dog, went in there, went into Chinese prison and said give

That's pretty good, right back the helmet in the lifetime, I.

Thought you would. So he also had fuel because it's going to be a long time. He had five containers of fuel he attached to the jets ski. It was going to be, I said, long ass journey. So he's looking at a two hundred mile passage across open ocean waters at night.

On a jet ski.

All told if he would if he made it, it would take fourteen hours. Wow, I was going to repeat this for a fect. My man Peong's plan was to take a jet ski loaded down with five containers of gasoline, then ride that jet ski across open ocean to Korea, crossing two hundred miles in the dark alone for fourteen hours. Can you even imagine doing one hour of that trip? Okay, he takes about five and a half hours to drive

I hate driving to LA. And it's not because I don't like LA. I just don't like to sit in the car that long.

Exactly. Imagine you're like, bang, bang, right, you can't fall off, you can't fall asleep.

Yeah, seagulls are hitting me in the face. Seagulls at night, Yes, they come out at night.

So what do you think he made it through the seagulls? You imagine you do?

Yeah, I guess he did, Elizabeth, can you believe that if you said that he didn't survive? Like, wow, that's bleak. Thanks for that story.

Next one, he made it to Incheon in Korea, and the Korean Coast Guard they found it by dude, stranded, laid up in a mud flat jet ski, had a cast, exhausted, He's like, where's his lips?

Were chapped? I guarantee, And that is so uncomfortable.

Chap lips worse, it's always prison cheeks. Oh they crack. I forget about it. So what do you think happened to him now that he's made it after this insane jet ski trip to Korea?

He's famous.

No, he's properly arrested, man, because it's against the law, Elizabeth. You can't just show up in Korea like that. They have rules. They have convinced Korea perverseed you go through customs.

So oh yeah, I could see that, my man.

He was charged with violation of the Immigration Control Act and he remained in custody for months. So he ran away, escaped on a jet ski and boom still in prison. Wow, I'm sorry, shouldn't laugh, but it's just that already gets me. But at least he was in the Chinese ranch pation camp. Better prison, yeah, exact, totally much better prison. So finally, in this past August, he was released from custody. The Chinese dissident of Korean descent who had evil nieveled his

Okay, did he how did he? Did he have this printed up like as a one off shirt?

Or did he is your question? How did he get you know, how like when you don't think he can get a shirt in China, you're kidding, novel one off?

So did he have like a ton printed? Did he buy it at a store?

You think he like sol screented it at his house by himself, he was a screen.

Or he just got a marker on a white T shirt?

Totally the ultimate, like just sharpie drawing it and the mustache.

Just imagining that.

I like your imagination.

Thank you, so much.

Well, let's tell your imagination cool off because I got another crazy one for you. Let's take a break and we'll be back after the moment. Elizabeth Zarin, all Right, the story I really wanted to tell you today is about a man who called himself Captain Bubble.

You didn't want to tell me the other one.

I did, but that was just to kind of what your appetite gets your mind going. It seemed to work. It's yeah, it, But I really wanted to tell you about Captain.

Bubble, Captain Bubble, the monkey.

The Captain Bubble affair. That's this next story. Captain. So Captain Bubble that was not his birth name. Mary did not named him captain Now, that was his street name. Elizabeth. Dude's government name was Raisa a ka Ray Balucci or blukych Bluky blue che blue Chee. So the Captain Bubble, as I said, he has two street names as Ray and Captain Bubble. Now he may have more. I don't know. I don't know the man, but you know what, let's

I'm going to give him another street name. Right now, what's that pretty boom boom, pretty boom boom.

Where Yeah, you may be thinking, is Aaron I just did the math on that. That's impossible. You can't run from Florida to England. Okay, Like there's still something called the Atlantic Ocean. Run really really fast, good point, like a Jesus lizard just right on top of the water.

Exactly.

Yeah, we're with the physics. You're looking at his little legs.

Run exactly.

Well, that little something called the Atlantic Ocean that's in between us in England. It's not a problem if you properly prepare for it.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. Some people that, oh, I'm gonna take a plane, I'm gonna take a balloon, like there's ways to get over it. But he's like, I'm gonna run over it, and you're like, you can't run on water. Man, Well, my man Raisa had an answer. He was going to run inside a giant inflatable hamster wheel. Wait see, now, don't you feel silly? Elizabeth feels so silly, added my man raised when he had a plan.

Hall doesn't have any like paddles on it. It's just it's.

No. I'll show you a pictures in a second. Imagine like if Wileye E Coyote had an ACME brand sort of plan to get to England's I put myself in a.

There a big rocket on the back.

There's red inflatable. It's like a ring. It looks like it doesn't matter. I was gonna use like a physics like a bund of the it doesn't matter. But anyway, so just imagine like two rings and they just I'll show you the picture. So this Elizabeth is what my man was rocking.

Oh it does have little paddles on it. That's cute. And it's like full of beach balls. And he has one that's not the right color.

Oh yeah, totally because you know, I think the original one popped or something. So he just got whatever would stick in that space. And so there's a bunch of red like floaties. But it looks like a hamster wheel, right but.

Yeah, totally.

And then there's like some chicken wire and.

Or it looks like one of those industrial like it looks like livestock feeders tipped on totally.

Or if you took like a dryer, like an industrial dryer and you just took the tumbler out and you just put a man inside that and then put some floaties on the side, or.

If you took like an industrial like floater thing.

There you go. You're using the tech talk. Okay, well I didn't want to use all the light. Throw a jargon at me. Okay, Well, let's go to his history of attempts Elizabeth, because that was one of his later models. But the year was twenty fourteen when he took his first attempt. He tried to roll his homemade watercraft into the sea and run to New York.

I'm so glad it has paddles on it, because I envisioned him in just one of those like round clear.

Balls and like people run down hills there.

Yeah, but like running in place on the ocean.

Yeah, he's just drifting across the ocean. No, my man's running, Elizabeth. You've got paddles, come one d miles. He thought about this. So the coast Guard they catch up to him in his first attempt, and they are like, what are you doing out here?

Right?

So, according to the coast Guard, my man's homemade watercraft was quote found to be manifestly unsafe vessel right once again, they're with the jargon, right, But what does that mean? I'm glad you asked, Elizabeth. According to the Title forty six of the United States Code and Title thirty three of the Code of Federal Regulations.

Those are two of my favorites.

He was required to quote clear any future voyages. He did not clear future voyages. Not to mention, he was also supposed to quote employ a support vessel. He did not employ a support vessel. Well, that didn't stop a minute.

Not all of us have a support vessel on hand.

Yeah, not all of us has friends hire a support vessel. What I look like Daddy Warbucks over here, right, So just leave me in my hamster wheel to be in peace and run free at this America. Anyway, Next year, my man says he's going to go back at it, and he did that. And then the year after that, my man raised was back at it again and again

Huh.

Yeah, he's like a competitor at heart. And long before that, he started out life in Iran. That's where he was born, and later, after the Iranian Revolution, he sought asylum in the US. When he was busted for his constant attempts to run across the sea, Raises said, I'm not doing it for me, This isn't for raising I'm doing this for others. And it was true. He had once been homeless and he wanted to raise money for homeless organizations

He's going to stay out of international waters.

Basically, that's the that's twenty twenty one. But once again, this is no small distance running to New York from Florida. It would take him weeks to accomplish. It's night, Yeah, exactly, there's the question. He would be weeks alone at sea. He would be inside his inflatable hamster wheel homemade watercraft by himself, sleeping, eating, doing all these bodily functions.

Does he have an anchor for it for when he's sleeping at night.

No, but he had a place to sleep in his hamster wheel. He had a hammock that was stretched out inside of what you saw.

Wait, I have to look at this again now for food, and I keep feeling like he's going to run and trip and fall down all.

Totally and it's spinning around the whole time.

Now.

For food, he planned to catch fish and eat them, which is not the best plan, but especially for your going from your inflatable watercraft with a spear but hey whatever, spearfish. Yeah, for sea sickness, that's right, you heard that. My man raises suffers from motion sickness. Oh brother, and I exactly now, why would someone with motion sickness pop themselves inside of a clear inflatable hamster wheel then to run across the sea. That doesn't make sense.

You would be able to you'd hear my dry heaves all up and down the Eastern seaboard.

Oh, Elizabeth, I have to tell you he had medicine on his side. He took dramamine, so boom he drama. Mean, if you want to contact use contact sponsorship.

Have you seen the glasses for like of motion signals? I don't so well, I have it, and I've been looking for all these remedies. And you can order these glasses that are like clear and a tube for the frame and then there's like a blue liquid in the bottom of it, so that's like give you the balance of the horizon. But they look so insane. I couldn't bring myself.

Half of what you see not.

On the less in the frame, in the tubular frame frame it is.

I you know, I'd rather barf all over myself than look like that.

You're such a fashion now you may be wondering some of the particulars of this journey because we've only gone over some of the bold brush strokes. If you will this plan, like, for instance, how fast can one man power an inflatable hamster wheel. That's a great question.

That's just a good question.

It's a great question. Raisa estimated he could travel at six knots an hour.

Wow, that's soul.

That's slow. Yeah, that's that's not fast. I mean it's that's like it's basically walking speed.

But for I know, but for all that contraption, I didn't think he'd even go out.

It's fast for a hamster wheel. I'll give you that totally. I'm with you. I didn't moving all that mass around on water. Yeah, that's faster than I would think, But it's slow if you're running from Florida to New York. Sure. So, I mean that's a lot of time in a hamster wheel, That's what I'm saying. But that's why Raisa had also rigged up plenty of like you know, sunshield because he's gonna be out there on the water and that's you

Stop it stop here, I'm thinking like one of those like emergency.

Yeah.

Is it like vanta black painted? What did you do?

Could you imagine just absorbing all the universe? Wait? So I'm hub a Hubb.

A model, Yes, hubb model? Your boy? What'd you call him? Sweet? Sweet? Boom boom?

Sure? So I don't remember what I say from minute.

He picked one of those bikini clad spokesmodels who stand on like a bass boat during the showcase showdown. Like, that's what I want? Is my motivation? Yeah, it's better than that because her name was Nicky Zerring Wait, the

Was this a way for him? To get her attention.

I don't know, but apparently they had mutual friends because mutual friends put them in contact. And then Raza asked her a favor. Elizabeth, According to Nicky's erring, he said, can you be my wilson? Like in Castaway the Tom Hanks movie.

Just wants her skin?

Have you seen the movie?

Like a bloody okay?

So he asked the model if she would be his motivational volleyball. He's like, look, would you be my motivational volleyball? And she was flattered. According to her, I said, I would be honored to be your wilson.

So, I mean, this is really did should she go in there?

Did she just her picture?

She's like, I thought he was going to keep her in the wheels.

Actually be her skin, her image, her image. I was warning what you're saying about skinning. I was like, I think the ball deflates.

But and so he's just gonna have her skin in a bag. No in the that's big of her to offer that. No, squeeze the juice out of the image of her in the red.

In the red like simsuit or whatever. You just dropped the gross out the first one.

Four Thank you so much. Elbe not have a photo of a volleyball.

He had a volleyball metaphor.

If you have to mean it, so squeeze the juice out of her, put her skin in there, shake all the bones out.

Then you just got ourselves a motivation of Wilson over here.

Well, I listened to this and I thought, I'm just precise with my all.

Very really touching, and you scan her. He was like, I don't expect a stranger to be cool touching.

It's creepy. Well yeah, it is crazy, especially when I think about it.

But I'll put it to you this way, Elizabeth. You don't expect anyone ever to be cool with someone like a stranger asking them, Hey, would you be my emotional support volleyball? Right, but Nikki's earrings, She's like, sure, stranger, I mean I was. She was apparently impressed by my man Raisa and all he had hope to accomplished. And now you know, back to Nikki, she said, quote, he's going to have a spear in case there's a shark. He's going to run in a hamster wheel basically across

Anyway, This is like Sharknado.

He was in Sharknado. I'm seeing the connection.

I am going to put the red thread on the wall.

Elizabeth realizes, realize, realize. So if someone told me that they planned to spear sharks as they ran across the ocean, right, and then they asked me if I would be there, touched down to humanity, I'd be like, yeah, you got it, bro, just like her, Elizabeth, where's your heart? I mean, that's all I'm saying. Anyway, even though he had Nicky's earring as his emotional support volleyball. On a fateful Saturday, Raisa and his homemade hydropod because that's what the Coastguard calls it,

Why didn't you just take it and roll it up? I ninety five bush it? I mean, then he'd get Florida to New York. You'd have a pavement. He'll still be doing. I mean he could spear like calls on the side of the road.

Yeah, I'm into this. Well, the tourists on the beach that day, boy did they get a show, right they just is that the picture? Yeah, that's the picture. Show.

There's like a guy.

There's a show, face down like sunbathing, and it looks like he's about to get.

Run over exactly. So the people in Florida they seen Wilder and.

There's an empty chair next to him. So his companion has run for help.

You know you can drive trucks on the beach in Florida, right, so like a wild place. Oh yeah, actually every year it's real. Sad now it's real.

Said anyway, Normally, if something.

Is washing ashore on the beach in Florida, it's gonna be like a beached whale, maybe a bale of pot or like a brick of cocaine. You never expect a man in a giant inflatable hamster wheel. So the people are like, hey, take a picture of this kid's anyway, raise it once again? They told you landed back on Florida shores. Feeded yet again. He popped up out of his inflatable amster wheel. He assessed the progress of his day. How far did I make it this time? First, he

Did I make it south of Where?

Did I make it to Georgia? Did I make it to South Carolina? Nope? He realizes, all I'm in Sant Augustine, Florida.

Right.

That means he made it about twenty five miles from where he'd started. Twenty five miles. He only had another nine hundred and seventy five miles to go around.

I want him to make it to Myrtle Beach.

Yeah, I know what I showed you. That costs raise one thousands of dollars to construct.

Jack.

Right now you're looking at the product of more than a decade of R and D. And when it comes to your homemade ocean going watercraft, that state of the art. I mean really, yeah, totally. But that bad boy even had a satellite phone.

What.

Yeah, I have to say, it's very clever looking.

His inflatable bubble got caught in a hurricane. Yeah, that can happen in the Atlantic Ocean at that time of year or so. In case that happened, he had his sat phone right in.

Case he went to the dry tortuga.

He exactly, he got up caught there in the saragassa. He also had a water filtration system.

Look good for him.

Yeah, because drinking salt water that'll drive you mad. You know about that, right? You maybe think of there and your man raise it already kind of sounds a little mad. I understand that, Elizabeth, but not that kind of mad. Saltwater make you mad and like, you know, long for death. This is the fun kind of mad. He's like, yo, let's like, you know, go to an insane clown posse show. Kind of mad. All right, let's let's run to New York and a human hamster wheel kind of mad, fun mad, Elizabeth.

Seagulls?

Well, he have you not heard the rhyme of the ancient mariner? You're not supposed to eat these things anyway. Any seabird, that's my rule. Don't need a seabird.

I'd make seagull one.

I respect off. Well, he was out there. He did have a small kitchen albatross bird. Any seabird, don't need a pelican, don't need a seagull. They need an albatross. I'll eat a ducking near a lake maybe. Now, what did he have in his small kitchen, of it's his little makeshift kitchen. He had granola and ramen noodles.

It's like my kitchen.

Yeah, but he had no stove, so that was ramen noodles dry.

I've thought about that a lot.

What eating ramen noodles dry?

Any pasta ramen dry?

Like for an earthquake kit Yeah, I thought like, well, you just soak it water long enough, it just won't be warm.

But yes, from the most part.

Honestly, I mean, if it takes a couple of months, you can totally eat it.

But some of the some of the noodles can't go back, but not salmon. But there's a food illness, food born illness you can get from eating pasta. Sure, so which is screwed with any flour, I mean, like if you just said flour, and also you know with the egg going bad if you have egg noodles, I would recommend egg noodles. But like he's out there with his dry ramen noodle brick, just eating it like a thick cracker. Oh you can do that too, Yeah, no, would you sprinkle the flavor dust on it or eat it?

Just dry snort the flavor dust, smoke the Ramen flavor.

Be like dehydrated. I wouldn't put the flavors. It's gonna suck all thet.

You Well, it'll hold it in your body'll just pull it out the places you want it. Yeah. So, in his prior attempts, the coast Guard had always told him that he had to register his homemade watercraft. As I told you, my man raised a he listened this time. In twenty twenty one, he filed paperwork with the State of Florida, a vessel registration form in the area that they asked what sort of propulsion system you run in there? Bro, He's like, oh outboard, So yeah, he's the outboard engine.

Board?

Yeah, very very fitting, I thought, all right.

And then he's not installed into.

So that's where the fuel of his craft used. He checked the box other as in, like, I don't know Ramen noodles. So now not many people are running Ramen these days, so they don't have a box driven.

Right, it's a biofuel exactly.

So in the manufacturer box he put Florida Homemade Boats. Just penciled it in. Now he's got a company name. It is easy for maybe he'll get the business. Who knows. Technically, he didn't have to file a registration paperwork because according to the Florida Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles. I looked this up, state law require paperwork for any non motor powered vessel that's longer than sixteen feet. That law isn't mostly intended for sailboats, but not human powered

Right?

This looks way big.

So he's all good under Florida law.

Oh okay, so the guy in this in the foreground of the photo is throwing.

Off yes your scale Okay, yes.

I mean it looked like it was like fifteen feet tall exactly.

So now he's got the laws of the sea and the Coast Guard also to deal with. They would force those which are different than Florida state law. So that's what he'd run a foul of them past. Now for his third attempt, he never reached out to the coast Guard. So as he was running away from a point where he had visibility from shore, Raza noticed his GPS device on his inflatable hamster wheel wasn't working. This means he would have no idea where he was once he lost

When he's all out there, delirious and dehydrated, he's just gonna be singing.

Why kids.

Coming in out of consciousness, still singing the.

Song donat jer car to day?

Now, have you ever heard by the great voice hurt? Have you ever heard of captain of a port order?

No?

So a captain of the porter I'm glad you asked. That's a rule we covered earlier, which is where you have to have an escort or a support vessel, right right, right, okay, So if that's if he planned to run across the sea, and if he didn't have that, the coastcar was like a failure to comply with Captain of the Port orders is punishable by a civil penalty of up to ninety five and eighty one dollars. There may also be criminal

Well what is this? Or sometimes it's a fine of one hundred grand four having an.

Say what part of Florida are we in?

Hey?

So now they wouldn't let my man eat or run? Right, They're like, hey, come on, you want to do your thing, though, Raisa indomitable, so what's he do? He's pulled off long runs before on an open ocean. According to him, he once ran four hundred miles in the Pacific Ocean in a human powered, inflatable hamster wheel. So there's that, Elizabeth, Yeah, don't doubt him. Four hundred miles. However, that earlier version of his homemade hydropod was destroyed, so there's also that.

Yes?

Okay. After his twenty twenty one attempt to run from Florida to New York failed, and he'd failed a couple times, yeah, old Captain bubble my man raised, he decided to regroup to reassess. After some contemplation, he decided he'd need to up his game, so he needed to do something harder. He'd picked too easy of a challenge. That was the problem. He need to get out of into international waters, escape the Coast Guard, and they're muddying around in his dreams.

It's a standard.

He knows a model, it works, He's sticking with it, right, It's like, come on, what am I doing updating the wheels?

Time to experiment.

So the Coastguard would, no doubt once again deem his craft quote manifestly unsafe. Part of poopers right, So he knew he certainly couldn't afford the possible one hundred grand fine, So if he got caught and popped again, he could do that. So he's like, I just gotta run. So what do you think happened, Elizabeth?

He ran?

Well, yes, now, his dream of runn across the ocean was very real. So last year, Captain Bubble back at it again. Do you think he made it this time?

Yes?

Well no, you already know the answer. He didn't make it. He's on this show.

I like to imagine he did.

No, the answer is hell no. But let's just forget about all that. Let's just go there now. So Elizabeth, I'd like you to close your eyes as and picture it. It's August twenty sixth, twenty twenty three. The sounds of the sea fill the air. The rush of wind against your cheeks, the sound of the water slapping against the prow of the boat, the rhythmic rise engine, wine, and then slapping fall of the boat. You, somehow, Elizabeth, are not seasick. Somehow, you're also thrilled to be aboard the

I love it.

You are a top secret seahwter. At the moment, the US Coast Guard Cutter Valley was taking a patrol of boundary waters part of your team's preparations for the approaching hurricane. And that's when someone shouts out that they had spotted something on the horizon. The Coastguard Cutter Valiant slows its mighty engines and then roars over in that direction. You and the ship's crew spotted, at about the same time, a homemade human powered hamster wheel just bobbing along over

Oh I know where that is.

Yes, Now this means this strange inflatable hamster wheel watercraft is still in US territorial waters and thus subject to US jurisdiction. Now, inside the homemade watercraft, you spy one man alone. You don't know what his name is, but it's Captain Bubble. Now you flop over to the side of the boat. Your handler watches from the edge. You look up at him and he gives you the nod. Over the side you go. You follow your training. You

I'm surreal.

Now you swim and hop up onto one of the sections of the inflatable human hamster wheel, and you quickly inspected seaworthiness. It is not seaworthy, not in your opinion. You signal to your handler with a quick shake of the head. Captain Bubble doesn't like this. He gets paranoid. He shouts, hell's that sea lion doing? Get him off my hamster wheel. Now you look past the obvious species based insult of calling you a sea lion, and you choose to hop off of his homemade watercraft when you

Wait? What do you?

Swim right back to the coastguard? Cutter Valley intend Your handler tosses you down to sling. You slip your head inside a loop and he quickly hauls you above the board a boat. You hear the radio operator say, this is us CGC Valiant to base, requesting immediate assistant from US Navy Explosive Origins Disposal Unit to King's Bade, Georgia over and like that, you leave it to the bomb guys and gals to figure out how big this blast radius will be for Captain Bubble's homemade bomb.

He brought a bomb. He brought a picture of Nicky ZERI and a bomb.

Well well done, U see Otter, I mean you're just Johnny on the spot. Yeah, you did set off an unhinged man during a rescue, but whatever, I guess now we see why the Navy has top secret dolphins and the Coastguard has top secret sea otters. Do you know they used to have parrots or so, yeah, there's like some sea birds. There was some bird the Coastguard. No,

Now.

Get They tried to get him to, you know, leave the human hamster wheel, and they tried to first talk some sense into him. They tried to connect on a human level, but everyone was kind of way past that. Like if Sence was a place, like we'll call it sen Cincinnati, Ohio. They were like, at this point in Barstow, everybody's way out now. So the Coast Guard officers they're

They're smart.

Right then they tell them, oh, yeah, we got important news about your survival. There's a hurricane on the way. They were not lying there was a hurricane on the way. Captain Bubbles like, okay, cool, I'll keep that in mind. I better get running. So the Coast Guard officers were like, no, I don't think you heard me, buddy, there is a

It, I'm going to England.

I don't know, yes, Lesabie said, no, my friends, I thank you for checking on me, but if you excuse me, I need to get running. So they're like, no, we're not really asking. We were trying to be friendly, we're not really asking. Don't make us pop it.

Pull out their harpoons.

Yeah, Jacket is dragon Lilly.

Take out all the beach balls that are filling my hamster wheel to have like.

A shooting gallery. Ex So, at this point, though, Captain Bubble, remember he's got the bomb in his hands with the wires. He reminded the coast guard that he had a bomb, right, and the coast Guard's like, all right, fair point, you got the bomb. Okay, well we'll still listen. We forgot about the bomb, buddy. So the Captain Bubble then he

He just did this for effect. But now he's left with a tangle of wires.

And now yet no, so the coast guard, they didn't know have to, you know, make a debate anymore. They basically said, your plan, they you know, just shot him with the harpoon and drug him back. No, they didn't really do the next day, wait, one day on August twenty ninth.

But why didn't they just attach something. I mean, it's just dragon. It's like a giant car.

I just have a steel frame, yep.

So put a hook on it and drag him home. He's not going to be able to overpower. They should have had you on that boat every time.

Well. August twenty nine, twenty twenty three, the US Coast Guard Cutter Campbell, launched its small boat and send it back over to visit with Captain Bubble. They checked in with him see if he was willing to climb out and returned to shore before the hurricane arrived any day now and they had to rescue him. The Coast Guard they weren't. They weren't entirely sure if the bomb was real or not real, because they hadn't seen the one he just held up, like, oh, these are just wires. Yeah,

Wow.

Yeah.

A few days later, one day with a non consensual towing.

Exactly, non consensual toeing. That's good now, at a US Coast Guard base in Miami, Captain Bubble was there dealing with his yet again defeat by the sea and the Coast Guard, and he had to go. What would Nikki think? What must think?

She's so disappointed, asked her skin suit in the in the boat. How much money did we waste getting this guy off the water?

Oh, we're saving lives, Elizabeth. No money is wasted, I guess. So let's play a guessing game. Do you think he'll do it again? Yes, just right immediately? Will Captain Bubble try to run across the Atlantic, maybe turn to the Pacific? Who knows? But stay tunes water sports fans, because if he does, will tell.

You he shouls like trying to go across the Gulf of Mexico. First, Yes, maybe something, but one of the great likes.

Although the Gulf of Mexico is kind of a washing machine. It spins, it spins around. So he would if he could go in one direction, that he'd be aiming for Texas and he'd end up like in you know, Jamaica. Dr he did once again the joy Torritouka. So what's our ridiculous takeaway here, Elizabeth?

Uh, just stay off the water. I don't know.

Well. I will quote my man huang Zou, yes so, of Taoist fame, he said, And I quote, Once upon a time, I schwang su dreamt. I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither to all intents and purposes. A butterfly. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, undaware that I was shoe. Soon I awaked, and there I was veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am

Stick to the rivers in the lakes that he's used to.

Am I too much of a naturalist, and let's say let him run.

Oh no, I agree, just let him do it. Yeah right, So what I mean, he's a choice exactly.

He knows all the dangers. They've made it clear.

Let nature be wild. Let my whole I'm saying, we're part of nature.

Yeah exactly.

All right, Well, there you go. That's all I got for you. Oh hey, by the way, you in the mood for a talkback?

Oh gosh, yes, hate it?

Producer Dave. Oh my god.

I let cheat.

The beginning of this episode, the bling ring one, just had me laughing. When I was a little kid, I asked my sister to come over and smell this UF I had because it's smelled like summer to me. So I sprayed it. It was WD forty right into her eye. My mom had to rush her to the hospital. But apparently I really really like the smell. So good to know that there's a perfume out there with that smell, and my sister will be very afraid.

Oh Oh.

As always, you can find us online Ridiculous Crime on Twitter, Instagram, we have the website Ridiculous Crime dot com and we love your talkback, so you know we'll be playing I'm So hit us up on the iHeart app. Record one and then you can hear yourself and always email us if you'd like two a Ridiculous Crime at gmail dot com. Once again, start that dear oh list. Okay, thanks for listening.

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