Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio.
Yo, Elizabeth Dutton.
Hey is Aaron Burnette.
It's me Burnett.
Oh, hey is Aaron Burnette?
Yes for you? While you were Herenette? So, uh, do you know what's ridiculous?
I do?
I do you want to share it with Aaron Burnett?
Yeah? I do want to share it with Annette? So mashups? No, no, no, no, no, no no no, Calm down, Calm down. I mean, technically, I like to think of it as one product meeting another product that are not in the same so like.
Rock meets rap and then all of a sudden, I got the Judgment Nights soundtrack precisely.
That is exactly what that is. A mash up there, but also those are two musical things. I like it when it's like a clothing product and a food product, or like you know, a bathroom product and a.
Sky skin of food product.
And yeah, come on, let's be honest. Okay, so this isn't a mashup in my book, but it's ridiculous.
I'm listening.
It's I mean, it's food related. It's like ridiculous food, which is going to be like my little sub segment on this show ridiculous food. So the craft Heinz company familiar.
Yes, ridiculous maker of fine ketchups and cheeses.
Yes, they unveiled the Heines Remix Remix musical there it is. It's the first customizable and IoT internet of things like touchscreen enabled digital sauce dispenser that is going to let, as they say, consumers personalize their own flavor creations.
So I could like hack in and like make somebody's sauce go crazy.
Yeah, yeah, okay, So here's the thing. They tout that it was developed in record speed six months from initial brief to the physical product. Doesn't that feel like in a movie. That's when it's like, oh, we did this too fast, and then now it's going to like become sentient to kill people.
With sauce sauce two thousand, Yes, like, no, you.
Didn't do the proper testing anyway. There are over two hundred potential sauce combinations.
Now Sky that is conscious.
It's part of their away from home division, which means this doesn't go in your house unfortunately. Resis fine, just.
Like a fun, flirty thing for couples to do.
It's like, oh, well, here's the thing Okay. So first you select from a range of bases. So heinz ketchup, ranch fifty seven sauce, and barbecue sauce.
Okay, so I'm making like a secret sauce out of these.
No, those are the that's the base, that's the foundation. And then no, no, no.
One of one of them. Okay, okay.
Then you personalize it further with one or more quote enhancers Julapano or Gilapino, smoky chipotle cht is pretty good, buffalo and mango.
Buffalo as in the flavor of the animality it's stirred from buffalo.
And then the intensity level low medium are high, so that someone out there can be brewing up high intensity mango ranch.
I want low intensity buffalo ketchup.
That's good, right, No, I want high intensity, high intensity smoky Chipotle. Well you can do more than one smoky Chipotle, buffalo mango ranch.
Wow, you're practically a food influencer at this point.
Yeah, pretty much.
That amazing.
So this, like I said, they're in restaurants and fine restaurants.
They also can I gift somebody one of these?
Yeah, What'sho's going to stop you? I'm not going to stop you. It's you know, they're responding to consumer trends basically, and they're disrupting the whole food service.
Does Sharper image still exists? Can I or go to sharp exactly image?
Just go down to Sharper Image and tell me about what happens when you ask for the Heines remix.
San Francisco's gone. I know that much.
I know it's still gone too. Is ridiculous.
That's wild.
Everything is us.
Well, if you got a second, you know what else is ridiculous? What? Okay? I got one for you, Elizabeth. Okay, last year I was I was reading about this this socialite she lost her little baby, which happened to be a dog. And the socialite she feared that her cute little animal child had been stolen and was going to be ransomed off. So you know, but this this sounds like, you know that you're being hyperbolic. Why would you think that?
But she had good reason because she had been the victim of a like a target of thieves and I'm talking like the Bling Ring, right, she had been a target of the Bling ring. So she was worried. But this this wasn't some you know, jewelry and cloud obsessed la kids who'd hit her. This was pet nabbing, Elizabeth, I don't like this. Yeah, So what did this worried social I do? Well, there was a priceless and precious life on the line, namely her dog, Diamond Baby. So
how could the socialite get her beloved dog back? Elizabeth? Well, first she hired a team of pet psychics. When that failed to recover her missing pooch, next she turned to a pet detective. Did that work? Well, we'll find out. This is Ridiculous Crime, a podcast about absurd and outrageous capers, heists, and cons. It's always ninety nine percent murder free and ridiculous. Arizabeth Zaron. I got a question for you, he is, well, not really a question, but like a statement, a string of words.
This isn't so much a question but a comment exactly.
Long time listener, first time caller. I want to talk to you about pet detectives, priceless fur babies, and the socialite Paris Hilton.
I'm ready, all right.
You know how Paris Hilton, Right, she's like a skin mommy to a bunch of pets, right, And I'm sure you know she's also been known to sport a little handbag pooch or two, right, and she likes to keep those things on her right. But in her case, that thing is a fluffy chihuahua. Now you don't have to understand, Elizabeth, Paris Hilton's pet HuaHua is no ordinary fur baby.
Of course.
No. No, I mean, like back in twenty fifteen, the New York Post, well, they ran a headline that said, or really, I should say, declared how Paris Hilton's Chihuahua changed the world forever. Oh really, Oh yeah, that was a legit headline. Really, I'm not even kidding out. So is it hyperbolic? Yes? Is it? Is? It? Possibly overrated?
But yes, exactly the dog brokeer piece in the middle they did.
And finally that's how we got the abram of course, but anyway, inaccurate, not exactly, because as I learned from the article, Elizabeth, I read it, and in there they discussed how Paris Hilton's chihuahua was at that time the most famous animal in the world. Hmmm, right, yeah, we're talking early two thousand.
I debate that, but yes, oh I'm.
Glad you did, cause I have the New York Post right here to debate you. Here we go. According to New York Post, quote back in two thousand and three, tinker Bell made her television debut on The Simple Life. Opposite her eccentric owner featured on the poster for the show, tinker Bell was an instant breakout star, a real life Bruiser Woods. The fabulously privileged tinker Bell quickly became not only the world's most famous pet, but the world's most famous animal. See it's right there in pren.
Elizabeth Bruiser Woods.
The from l Woods's dog from Legally Blonde.
Oh okay, yeah.
Yeah, that's what she was modeling. It's art imitating life, imitating art.
That the dog was on Paris Hilton's Dog.
Yeah, Nicole Richie A Simple Life. You don't watch TV.
When was this?
It's like two thousand and three.
Oh I wasn't born yet.
Yeah. No, you were just a wee babe, a glimmer in your mommy's eyes yet. So there were a puppy ended up becoming a trendsetor Elizabeth. I'll just tell you all about it. Right. So back to the post because, like of course quote, the heiress is often credited with the rise of the pet as accessory, but While tinker Bell certainly looked great in a purse, there was no denying the bond between the starlet and her closest friend. In fact, the post goes on to credit the dog
with humanizing Paris Hilton. The doggie proved that the Heiress wasn't just some vapid, emptied eyed they get stared coat hanger. But she loved dogs.
She's just like us, you know, Like, does she carry the dog in a purse because the dog lost its legs and has no legs.
The dog had legs warm. No, it was just really like being close to her and being you know, it knew what it was in for. Yeah, right, And it also was down to show that Paris Hilton had recognizable human emotion. That Gade was like, this is my job. I make her look human.
I can keep something alive exactly.
So tink about the chihuahua becomes a star on her own or its own. I don't know if it's a male or female. Anyway. The dog, by the way, passed away in twenty fifteen. Sadly. Yeah, so she loses the Bell devastates Paris, right, but she soldiers on Elizabeth and she purchases a replacement chihuahua, or actually like three four
of them, a bunch of them. Right fast forward to last year, September nineteen, twenty twenty two, Paris Hilton posted that her new beloved chihuahua was missing, government name diamond Baby Missing. Paris Hilton posted his video to inform the world that her fur baby was out there, possibly taken, and she said, quote was at a loss for words, but somehow, the socialite, she managed to muddle through and type a very lengthy Instagram caption, and she struggled against
her wordlessness and was victorious. And Paris found the stillables and she strung together. Oh well it doesn't I won't read it all to you anyway. But according to Paris Hilton, diamond Baby went missing on September fourteenth. And you see she was they were having a photo shoot, and she was also moving, and there were movers in her house.
And according to the Daily Mail, Paris Hilton was quote away from her eight million pound Hollywood Hills home and a workman is believed to have left a side door open boom, just like Kaiser. SoSE her dog was gone all right?
Or was he?
Yeah? Perhaps he didn't just run out but instead he was dog napped. Elizabeth m Yeah, so what would any worried skin mommy do?
Post on next door?
Exactly? So you ever, she didn't do that, She posted everywhere. She just posted all over the internet. Right. So, Paris Hilton immediately commits to doing quote everything at her power to get Diamond Baby back. As Newsweek reported, in a lengthy and heart filled Monday Instagram post, the forty one year old explained, I just love that, and a lengthy post, the forty one year old.
Explained, anyway, I'm too old for this, yes, exactly, but.
Moving on, Paris Alden takes the Instagram to let her fans and friends know how quote incredibly hard it's been on her to live without Diamond Baby, and she said, quote I feel like part of me is missing and nothing is the same without here here. Diamond Baby is my everything, truly like a daughter to me. We were inseparable. She was my best friend, always by my side.
Now that dog's doing a lot of emotional leaders.
Totally, I feel so bad for Diamond Baby now. Paris also took the Instagram to write, and I quote, my family and friends have been helping me search high and low throughout my entire neighborhood and have gone door to door, but we still haven't found her.
So I wish I live in that neighborhood and she knocks on my door and I go, kyote, got it.
She takes her hunt and turns it over to professionals. Right, So, she'd been telling her her followers quote, I've been scared to put out an APB to the public for her because people can be cruel and I worry about her safety. But I'm desperate, and the more time that passes, the farther away I feel from the chances are of me getting her.
Back, so you know, and I'm laughing at her, but also, my god, that's a horrible feeling.
Yeah, you feel for it, I know you do. You're a pet lover, right and whatever, damn the chances she wants her fur baby back. So she pleads, if you have any tips about Diamondbabies whereabout so you feel like you have seen her, please reach out to the email address find Diamondbaby at gmail dot com.
Oh my god, I'm signing that up for everything.
I just knew you were gonna write that one down anyway. So she concludes her lengthy Instagram post with a promise of reward. There will be a big reward for her return and no questions asked. Please please please email if you know anything, and please keep an eye out for my fur baby. I added the fur part anyway to let her friends and followers and fans and how serious she was all right and how much she was missing
her four legged child. She also added we have hired a pet detective, a dog whisperer, a pet psychic, and are looking into dog finding drones.
Now yes, yes.
Can we just take a moment for dog finding drugs?
Oh yeah?
And also dog whisperer.
I want to get a job as well. I want to get a job as a pet psychic.
Pay well, I don't know. I assume so, because it's one of those things like it's so silly you figured they have to charge a lot.
Yeah.
Now it's say you a Paris Hilton money, Elizabeth, Huh, which one are you spending your money on to find your missing fur baby dog? Yeah? The drones, the detective, the psychic, the dog whisper.
You got to take a step back. She lives what you said in the Hollywood Hills or something. Yeah, I mean if it did get out and go running. It's a predator, got it is?
My guess it's a It's a pretty good guests.
I think that if it's chipped and a neighbor found it, they take into a vet, get it chipped.
I assume I think all dogs in these days.
Are chipped, right, Yeah, pretty much? Yeah?
Yeah, dogs like that?
Yeah exactly. And so then did a mover steal the dog? In which case, like, I don't know right now.
So who are you going to spend your money on to get back your dog parasitt I.
Think the detective. And I'm going to authorize maximum force.
A lot armed pankertons on this one. So, despite her cadre of pet psychics, dog finding drones, dog whispers, and your pet detectives, time passes and still no diamond baby. So what does she do best? She throws more money at the problem. She redoubles her effort. On October thirty, reports back to her followers. I've spoken to seven credible pet mediums communicators that all say she is alive and that someone has her. And then she basically went on to say that she has hope.
Right as long as she's alive, she'll the dog's supposed to be alive, though, she'll keep paying the mediums.
Yes, but she's im.
Say, oh yeah, that thing's alive exactly.
You know, the mediums are only have one message. Just yes, it's I'm almost getting a message. I think I can. I can almost hear the dog barking. Give me a little more money, I can possibly strengthen the signal exactly. Anyway, So she's like, one thing I won't pay for. You know what that is a reward? Oh yeah, she'd offered a reward of ten thousand dollars and she was down to drop about ten grand a day on psychics and mediums and everything else. But she just says she would
not offer more money why her security team. Paris Hilton claimed her security team told her, my dogs might have become targets for some sick creep that might try and kidnap them for reward. Sad to me that we even have to worry about something like that, But unfortunately there are some real messed up people in this world.
Oh so she's thinking if she gives a high value, then the other dogs will get.
Or yeah, her other dogs will get kidnapped, or that they'll hold the dog out for more. I don't know what it is that basically, she's worried that if you put a market price on it, the market will go.
But if they kidnapped it for ransom, wouldn't they have left a ransom note?
The good point? Right? And very so. The Daily Mail stayed on top of the story because they knew how run it updates, and so they said. Quote. Miss Hilton is said to have not given up hope for her baby, which lives in a two hundred and eighty pound doggy mansion and wears a thirty five thousand pound diamond encrusted collar, and as a family and friend and confided to the tabloid quote, She's heartbroken. We'll never give up on diamond Baby.
Is diamond baby wearing the collar when it probably discappears?
I'm assuming so interesting right now, Elizabeth prepared to be shocked. She gave up on diamond Baby. Oh durn it after eighteen days, Paris Hilton eighteen days. Yeah, she opted to end the biggest dog hunt in Hollywood history. That was in quotes in the Daily Mail. She'd been spending, as I told it, an average ten grand per day for
eighteen days. We're up to one hundred and eighty grand at this point on finding the dog, right, she's at this point decides to listen to the voice of Elizabeth, or as I call it, the voice of nature, because nature was whispering to her. The diamond baby is like likely at this moment being turned into a coyote.
Yeah, She's like, you.
Know, the dog was probably got picked up by hungry coyote and is now a coyote fuel, if one might say politely. Now, the experts came to this conclusion, and they told her this because they had lived in Socoo for a while and they knew this is what happens
down there exactly. Do you remember that one dad who tweeted about how he was going out and getting a shelter cats for his girl, and then the shelter cats will get out of the house and get taken them by coyote and he needs to go get another shelter cat and look just like it. And someone was like, bro, you're just feeding shelter cats to.
Coyotes exactly exactly.
So everybody in so Cow knows this is how gosh right now. The second reason that the experts came to this conclusion is most importantly, as you called no ransom calls. Ransom people were like, we got to get the money somehow, all right, so that parents insider, they told the Daily Mail quote, it's not looking good. It's been a massive hunt with global publicity, but we've not had a single sighting. Usually the case like this, there are multiple sightings of
a dog is roaming loose. If Diamond Baby had been dognapped, we would have expected a rant, some demand by now, but there have been no calls.
It was a hawk.
Yeah. Two months later, just in time for holiday season photos, Paris Hilton unveiled her latest love of her life. She replaced her dog with a cat, a bendal cat named Keutzi, government named Keutesi Hilton. And uh so look there you go. A happy ending, there it is. Let's take a little short break and we'll be back with more pet nabbing and also the stories of dedicated pet detectives. Yes, okay, Elizabeth, we're back.
Okay.
Now, if you want to revisit the question you got, uh you know, Paris Hilton, money you spend it on the pet psychic, pet whisper, owner, operator, dog finding drones, pet detective or the pound to get a new pet.
Oh to get an new pet?
Maybe I thought you may, Yeah, I thought you might rethink your answers on that if I gave you another option. So in my research for this story, I came across a bunch of bummer stories. But I don't want to give you a bunch of those. So I found some heartwarming stories and I found one that kind of splits the middle. And this one is, uh, it's ridiculous, okay, And it comes to us from our friends down in Australia. All right, there was a family in Queensland. Dog went missing.
Dog was a Maltese cross and it had a great name. His nickname was Limey government name lime lip, lime Lip, lime lip, like green lip.
Limelep Okay, Yeah, I.
Love that name. I've never like lime lip, that's yeah exactly. So anyway, lome Lip belonged to the p Ku family and as I said, lime Lip went missing one day. So the p a Q family was distraught. They were racked with worry. Right, so what do they do. They they don't have Parasoltan Monday, they don't have her followers, So they post on Facebook and they ask for help. Ray of Sun breaks through the clouds and someone has
found their dog, right, and they contact them. They say, hey, I picked them up off the street, sends a photo on Facebook to them. Dog in the photo is definitely Limelip. Okay, how do we know it's Limelip because it looked like Limelp and you knows it has all the same tattoos, same haircut. No, but it was a distinctive collar. They had a very distinctive collar. So they're like, boom, that's it. Family reaches out to the person. They're like, yeah, that's
totally limey. When can we pick them up? And this is where the story goes sideways. Family calls and speaks with the person who they believed had the their dog, and the initial phone call went kind of well, and then the lady who had the dog said, this dog's really cute. It's gonna be really hard to give up, all right. No, yeah, big red flags so big you could see it from space. Right. Family finds more proof that Limelip is their dog. They send over registration papers.
They're like, no, this is our dog, right. But the woman she's who decided the dog is you know, so cute that she's pretty much decided to keep it for herself. She writes back, I'm not sure it's your dog. Doesn't really look like eh no, claiming that the photos are not the photos. So what does the family do? They got terrible news. They're dealing with an actual, factual dog napper La Deville in real life. So the p Q family, they say, uh, Limelip, this is a member of our family.
You know, like we would let someone just grab Grandma because she was cute. So we got to go back and get limelips. So what do they do? Well, they get the police involved. They turn this into an alleged theft. In the meantime, they hire a pet detective.
This woman, No, you just go to her. They know where she lives. So I'm like, I go zero dark thirty on that kick in the front door, wave.
In the four fourth.
No, no, there's just that. Okay, they don't hit me no more. Don't know where she is, okay, Okay.
So curly call veteran pet detective. She told the local press that she had leads on where the dog might be. Call reported police have all that information. The police have been in contact with the allegit perpetritis. So she starts putting on pressure on them, and uh she I like to imagine that she was like all business, like one of those cops on the old TV show Dragnet. Just the facts man. So for the Piacu family, their pet detective becomes a lifeline, right. The pet detective is a
you know, we all know the Jim Carrey roll. This is like a real life pet detectives. There's not just some bumbling idiot coming in going it was you know, it was the kicker. It was like, this is like now a big business and this lady is like a hard bitten veteran and uh she manages to get the dog back for the people with the police.
Help with the police, I would have taken him.
She didn't yet. She didn't go out there and like kick in the door like you would and got grab it. She's like, hey, offices, it's roll out here and knock on the door and let's get out that lad.
I guess because the police in Australia would actually do it. If I called the cops here on something like that, they.
Wouldn't know, they wouldn't even answer.
Here to as like a pet detective enforcer.
That's a good call. Speaking of pet detective enforcers. Do you remember Lady Gaga's pet napping.
Oh I do remember that, Okay.
Her dog walker, dude's name was Ryan Fisher. He's out in LA. He's in some nice ass neighborhood walking her three French bulldogs names are Asia, Kogi and Gustav. Comes at you right, So the car pulls up. Two young men get out. They are brandishing weapons. One's got a forty cow handgun. That's a big boy gun. And with guns in hand, the dog man nappers demand that the dog walker hand over the stars for babies. Lady Gaga's dog walker, he bravely resisted. Yeah, he stood up to them.
He's like forty cow be damn son because according to the dog walker's coat of honor, I'm muchre if you know this, Elizabeth, they are obliged to give their lives for the dogs they walk. Yeah, no, that's not true. This dude, Fisher, he's down, he doesn't care. He steps up, gun in hand, I don't care, and he's like, I'm gonna fight for the dogs. And so what did the gunmen do? They shoot him? Yeah, so Tubes like surprised getting shot. I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh. But he's like
sitting there like, I'm a dog walker. What the hell? I thought that was, Like, what are we doing here? So he goes down to the ground. They grabbed the bull to two of the three French bulldogs, right.
Oh, I didn't know. They only got two out of three.
Yeah, they only got two out of three. Imagine one of.
The driver's guilt of the third or asia.
So the the the dog, not the continent. So these dogs are worth a pretty penny on the open market. I found out. I didn't realize. I'm like, who, Like, who's buying because it's Lady God gots dogs. Turns out doesn't even matter if it's lady.
Yes happens.
I yeah, but I didn't realize the amount they were going for. I was like, man, I'm gonna get into dog napping. I' kidding. I'm not gonna get dog napping anyway. So Lady God gots dog walker. He gets shot midday, he goes down on the street. He's bleeding now, not not really, but he's so. I know you worried about these things, so I'll just tell you right now. He's fine. He ends up being fine. He didn't even lose any body parts right. So meanwhile, the dog walkers sorry dog nappers, rather,
they drive off with two of the three French bulldogs. Right. So, as Fisher is there lying Asia, the other dog comes back. And I will quote from his his Instagram post. Because everybody's.
We don't have real news anymore, that's where the news is made.
So, as I quote, four days ago, while a car sped away and blood poured from my gunshot wound, an Angel trotted over and laid next to me. My panic screams calmed as I looked at her, even though it registered the blood pooling around her tiny body was my own. I cradled Asia as best I could, thanked her for all the incredible adventures we've been on together, apologized that I couldn't defend her brothers, and then resolved that I would still try to save them and myself. You love that.
I love that.
So that's what I said, Angel, that's true.
I mean that happens where dogs can protect people in those in those situations.
Apparently. Yeah. So, as the dog walker lay in his hospital bed recovering, Lady Gaga took to the Instagram airwaves and said, I'm offering a reward for my stolen dogs, and she said, quote, my beloved dogs, Cogie and Gustav were taken in Hollywood two nights ago. My heart is sick and I'm praying my family will behold again. With an active kindness, I will pay five hundred thousand dollars for their safe return. Chazam email Cogiangustav at gmail dot com to contact us, or if you bought or found
them unknowingly, the reward is the same. I continue to love you, Ryan Fisher. You risk your life to fight for our family. You're forever a hero.
I love this, I love it. I love her, and I also have a new email address.
I'm just giving you all sorts of gifts today. Right. So, within days, an anonymous woman walked into the LAPD on a Friday night and he says, here's lady got us dogs? She gets her dogs back?
Yeah nice.
Now, As for the purpse, there was a five person crew of dogs snatching teens. They were all caught and arrested. One of the dog knappers was a nineteen year old named James Jackson. Old Jimmy was arrested and then quickly released by police by mistake. After that, the US Marshalls had to offer a reward. They went out and there like, we will give one tenth of what Lady Gaga had offered one hundred.
He stole, you know, twenty thousand dollars worth of goods.
Yeah, totally no, So the US Marshal's ponied up five grand for information on those twenty grand and goods. It worked. Though Jackson was later apprehended, he faced justice for the dog snatching crimes. Lady Gaga, as they said, got her fur baby's back, returned safely to her unharmed the dog walker. Nothing bad happened to them, you know. And they also wrote on Instagram how they were really looking forward to seeing the dogs again and them excitedly peeing on them.
Yeah, so yeah, that's all you want there, you go, the dog.
Pee, excited dog pee makes you know the world's right. So Lady Gaga surprisingly did not hire a pet detective. Yeah, if I had Lady gagat money, I've been on one eight hundred pet detective that night.
Lady Gaga has special powers. She didn't need it.
No. Also, she knows Tony Bennedetti. She's like, hey, Tony, what can we get on well?
And she also she knows Beyonce.
Yeah, and for those who do know, Tony Benadetti is Tony Bennett's right, you know, hey, and between Tony Benadetti and Beyonce, you pretty much got everything covered, yes, between God and the double lock. Now we've talked about pet detectives, but pet psychics. What are your thoughts in them?
Are you talking about people who are psychics who talk to pets or pets who are psychics?
Oh? I like the latter, of course, you would think of that. There's the dog is psychic and I listened to the dog.
I mean they're like the there was a dog recently, a Corgi Apparently that was like predicting. That was more through chance, like the basketball.
Oh yeah, they always have, Like there's octopus who predicts the world. Yeah, there's a lot of animals who know sports apparently or you know. But uh yeah, as far as pet psychics, would you believe someone who said I can talk to your dog and even though I can't see them and I've never met them, No, I don't believe in that. Now, pet detectives, unlike pet psychics, surprisingly effective.
Yeah.
Like I was reading about my girl Barbara Frye ninety percent successful, really ninety percent?
That's clear in cases.
Dude, I'm telling you she's like murder police, and that's why she has the nickname bring them back Babs? What a kid? You not bring them back back? Bring the veteran pet detective?
Is that like her license plate frame?
Has it all? Oh my god, it'd be amazing. I hope it is, Babs. If you're listening, we got ideas under one. She's available twenty four seventh, three sixty five. She takes about sixty twelve calls a week asking for her to find missing pets. And she's never charged anyone to find a missing pet, and she says she never will.
How does she she have trust fund? Kid? Does this work? Oh?
Well, do you want to know?
How does she live?
She's a realtor in San Diego.
Oh okay, so this is a sidekick.
Yeah, if it's a sideway. When you're a real er in San Diego, you're basically working on like Thursdays and Saturdays and Sundays. I mean, and then you go into Monday to see what houses are being listening. Yeah, I mean that's a healthy real estate market. Yeah, you sell a couple of houses, you got months out of time. True, that's very true, So bring them back back.
So she's a pro bono.
She does that so she can pay for her pet detective years here like the tireless pet detective located as I said, San Diego. She works coast to coast, so you know she'll travel and she works a case for not the days, weeks if she have to. She slept in her car for days while she's on the hunt for a missing animal. She's a girl telling bring him back, Babs. She discovered she had a gift winter her own pet went missing. She had a dog named Prada, and uh Prada.
She'd only had it for twelve hours, right, and then he ran away from home. She freaks out.
She's distra I don't want to be named.
He's like the kind of BS house am I in. So she contacts her friend, and a friend's like, okay, I've got some advice for you and tells her how to find the missing dog. A week passes no luck, but then she starts listening to what her friend is saying and using the techniques, and boom, she finds her missing dog. It's a miracle to her. She's like, what, I'm pretty good at this, I'm gonna call this a calling. And so she decides, I'm now a pet detective. You know,
fast forward a few years, she becomes a veteran. Now she's got all sorts of veteran tricks, and she will tell you, you know, the best way to find a dog Elizabeth chicken. Oh well yeah, also dirty bed sheets.
Oh like with the owners smell on them.
Yeah. She she prefers rotistrie chicken and old socks.
That's like, is she a golden retriever?
So apparently the rotistic chicken is a scent that most dogs just cannot they go nuts. So better than fried chicken, better than roast chicken, rotistrie chicken because of the Yeah, there you go. So she also likes pet owners soiled socks for a lot of the same reasons. To jubble, dirty underwear, used sheets, anything with some good strong aroma. Yeah, that's what she says. So bring it back. Bab says, you have to think like a dog and understand their behavior.
When dogs leave home, they operate on instinct. Often they are afraid. The goal is to lure them back to you. Thus the chicken now the best A veteran detective She also has advice it's sometimes hard to hear. No, like one, when your pet go's missing, don't go looking for it.
That's yeah, you don't want I don't know what you'll find.
Well, not just that, no, but that's a really good point here in California definitely. But uh, for in places they don't have such a hungry coyote population.
More speeding cars, the cars exactly.
That's in the South for sure.
Yeah.
Now, the reason she says is not to look for the animal immediately is because, you know, also, it's not like she's like, hey, play hard to get with your pooch. Now, she's not saying like nag your pet. But the idea is that, you know, not also like make your dog feel like you're it's missing you. And it's none of that. It's you don't want to spread your scent all over. It confuses the animals.
And I think most animals have the instinct to go home, Like they may decide to go out Gallivanton and then they realize I got a little far, and then they're going to try and make their way home, hopefully first instinct.
That's what she says. Basically, stay put, leave the lights on, your house open the doors. Also, don't go calling your dog oh really, Yeah, she says, don't go screaming because your voice probably will be emotional, and the dog will panic thinking that something's wrong with you. And then sometimes then they can run into traffic trying to get to you. Yeah, and then so they you know, so bring a back Babs. Put it quote and it's it's in the bush going, oh my god, mom's here too. I better stay right
here because I have no idea what's out there. But then she gets scared. I better be really frightened, right, So then the dog panics because you're a panic right.
Yeah.
Now, just like with the missing persons, bring them back, Babs. She recommends creating a network used posters social media spread the word. She also has her bring them Back Babs Missing Dog Top ten.
Does she say that the first forty eight hours are essential.
When you're looking for a petty cut it in half, Elizabeth. No, she says, basically as they said, one, leave your door open off and the dog is smart and returns home only to find the door locked.
Number two.
Back to the chicken, old socks and bed sheets us smell to lure the animal home.
You just set it out in the front yard or something.
Oh yeah, pretty much. Any Also, you can put it in a humane trap if you can create some kind of trap that the dog uses, like a crate, maybe with like a kickover stick or something, you know, like they're crate, not like you know. But anyway, don't walk around looking for your dog, I said, don't even drive around. She says, they can spread your scent be confusing. Don't call for your dog. Don't offer a reward the Paris Hilton model, because she says it rewards and incentivizes it's
pet theft. So if maybe not for you, but for down the road. Also, don't try to catch a dog if you're the one who sees it and it's not your dog, reads Stad reported missing. This is because you may scare the dog once again, carried into traffic or so forth. According to bring them back, Babs, and I quote reporting is crucial because those are the leads that get people back to their dogs, or people like me, the leads that I need to help an honor do
the right things. Yeah, and of course she would say that's like Elon Musk going. You need to work, not work from home. I sell cars. You need to not work from home anyway. But I'm just saying she's incentivized. But I still say, Elizabeth, you ever want a second career, bring them back. Babs is pretty much living your best life.
It sounds like because I thought you would. You should know not only she's selling real estate in San Diego and out dog detecting, but she has a ten acre ranch where she and her husband keep eight goats, ten horses, a slew of rescue cats and dogs, and she runs a licensed rescue CA.
Oh that sounds amazing.
Special investigator Dot in your Future is calling it sounds amazing.
But I'll tell you, I think I'm a little too fragile to do the like pet detecting.
You think I would be.
Upset if something happened to the dog, I don't want to.
I think your gallows humer would carry you through. No. I mean, for real, I think you could manage. I think it would be hard on you, But I think the rewards of finding the pet balance out all of the times you did not true. Okay, let's take a little break and uh we will come back and I will have some more stories of pet detective Rey. I can't wait, and Rebecca Elizabeth. All right, hey, so hey chief,
you're ready for some more blessed family reunions. You know, I've got a couple more pet detective cases for you. So start off, let's go. Let's go right back to bring them back Babs. Yeah, okay, because when she's on the case, I'm happy to tell you she's gonna get joyous family reunions. Hooray. Okay, So let's take the case of the missing doctor.
The case of the Missing Doc.
Yeah, it's like a Sherlock Holmes.
Yeah, you know, hardy boys.
Oh yeah, them too. I preferre Nancy due the party boys kind of suss. Yeah, it's weird, straight edge. I was just like this.
I never read it, but I liked miss Drew had some fired her.
I liked her anyway. I like anyone who's like a little moxie. Anyway, I'm sidetracking. So the case of the Missing doctor. Yes, now keep in mind doctor was a dog, oh so, a mixed breed. He was the fur baby of Darlene and Paul Horn, the married couple. Where they were from Soko, and they had been packing for a trip to Alaska. They took their beloved dog to their pet sitter. Twenty minutes later, back home, they get a call dog is missing.
Are you kidding? Yeah?
Forty five year old Darlene Horn told the Today Show quote, as a childish couple, we consider doctor pretty much our family. So she's distraught, right, they've lost their child. Yeah, So the couple they cancel their Alaska trip. They call veteran pet detective Bab, bring them back alive, Babe Fry. So she gets right to work. Over the phone, Bab tells the Horns, quote, you two need to split up. One go, uh wait at the pet sitters house in case Doctor
double's back. The other should wait at your house with doors open, lights on. You know, it's our general technique. Right, they do is instructed, but nothing occurs. No doctor days pass the Horns. They grew more and more worried, so bring them back, Babs. He's on the case though, So the Horns. They also had some luck on their side, and they also had one particular host of ridiculous crime. Elizabeth. I'd like you to close your eyes, my eyes a clue and picture it. It's high nude and you are
in a dry river bed in southern California. Forty minutes east of San Diego, what the locals might call an arroyo. The midday heat doesn't bother you since you are a butterfly. You are a dazzling monarch butterfly flitting your way across the Bear Republic turned US State, on your way south to a butterfly sanctuary at the Mexico border. At the moment, though, you watch two human beings just below you. They aren't aware of you. They are scrambling over the dirty rocks
along the canyon riverbed. They look worried, and eagle screams in the distance, and then the humans do the same, only they kind of gently shout, doctor, Doctor. These words mean very little to you, you are a migratory butterfly, but the soft urgency of their words stay with you, so you flit about, hoping to see what the whole deal is. You're pretty sure they won't find this doctor in the desert, but who knows. The humans look to
be a married couple. They soft shout again across this empty river canyon, doctor, door, and you see that the husband is holding a whole rotisserie chick. He waves his hands over the cooked bird, wafting the aroman to the air. The wife, she spreads out a blanket on the rock. She calmly sits down, just like how their pet detective bring him back, Babs suggested to them. Babs also recommended they bring a whole rotisserie chicken, so not for them to eat, but for the husband. So they did that
as well, the husband dutifully waving and wafting. She is also trying not to scream their dog's name. But they they're worried, so they've been doing their best to kind of soft shout a few more times. Doctor, Doctor, you flit down in a light on a desert rose. You watch the married couple, now seated on the blanket. The husband is still wafting chicken aroma fast as he can into the blue of midday, while the wife scans the middle distance. She reaches down and brings up a bell.
She rings the bell, hoping to catch the ear of the missing dog. You hear the husband say, honey, it's been eighty eight hours. I'm just so worried about doctor. The wife calmly replies, bring him back. Babs said, we can't panic.
We have to be cool.
We have the chicken. We're ringing the bell. Oh, look that. Look at that butterfly. Okay, okay, so just keep looking. You swell with pride at this pair of obvious appreciators of your striking orange color, the spread of your spots. You slowly open and spread your wings for them and everyone else to enjoy. And you spot movement in the brush. It's a very brush fraggled dog. A few pounds later, looking very thirsty, comes scrambling out of the dust to Royo.
It's doctor.
The wife and husband both shout in unison. You take to the air, joyous and happy for this family reunion. As you flip back into the blue yonder above. On your way to the butterfly sanctuary, you hear the wife on the phone with their pet detective. You can't hear bring them back Barb's side of the call, but you do hear the wife say no charge. Are you sure? There's a pause, and then she says, yes, of course, we will pay it forward. Thank you so much. You
are the best pet detective in the world. And there you go, Elizabeth on to.
Mexico, Beautiful. I'm glad I got to witness time.
See I gave you another happy ending, he did.
Now refresh my memory what kind of dog is? Doctor?
I never said, oh, I wasn't paying to No, I just let you picture it. You can do any way you want. Funny, it's a very distinguished dog. He's been to med school.
And uh, this is the problem. Like when people tell me they have a dog, I'm always like, what's the dog's name? Okay, what kind of dog is?
More? You do walk away from people knowing more about their pets than that I do.
Everyone should carry like baseball cards with their dogs, all the stats and everything. And oh here, let me give you my dog's card.
Dog bats left, throws right.
And then I have like a big, you know, binder at home. I flip through all the dogs you've met. Yeah, like that's when I met fifth one. I met guirrel that watch four days ago, nerd out on. Well, I have to like keep that inside and then sometimes it just eats out.
Well. I got another table of Pet Detective re for you.
Does it have a happy ending? Maybe I only do happy ending right now? Okay, this world is horrible. We can only do happy end.
I came to you with this in mind. All right, So this next one comes was from Texas, but I warn you it's not a Texas story like you imagine. Okay, okay, a Russian Blue was missing. A Russian Blue is a cat?
By the way, yeah cat.
The Russian Blue have been missing for a week. On day five from the next door post and the Facebook post had led to nothing. The pet owners started researching pet detectives. They found Bonnie McCreery Hale of Grapevine, Texas. She is a licensed special investigator. Her specialty lost pets. She operates out of the Dallas Fort Worth metropolitan area. Now her work associates are all dogs. She especially trained search and rescue dogs. She works in Louisiana, Oklahoma, Arkansas,
all across Texas. The first thing that she asked when she gets a call is how long has your fur baby been missing? Once again, I added the fur part.
Oh, I feel like, ma'am, I don't use that term.
Doesn't regret.
I regret coming up with skin mom.
I know, and I love throwing about you. I know.
It's like I created a monster.
If the pet owner, when they call her, they say that the pet's been missing for more than two weeks, she won't take the case. That's the forty eight hours thing you're talking about. Yeah, there's a farther one out, which is like, look, we ain't looking yeah, especially like cats. Yeah. So when she got the call about the Russian Blue, they were still inside that two week window. Okay, So McCreery hale she gets to work and she did, and
Elizabeth Dutton, she pulled up Google street View. Yes, she took out satellite tour of the area, investigated what the predator profile of the area was.
Oh my god, I love it.
While she's driving Dauston, she told the pet owner to have their neighbors take their dogs out and sniff around their sheds, around their houses. They did as instructed, No Russian Blue. Right. Then a text comes in, is this your cat? Boom? Another job well done? Scratch one up
for the pet detectives. Yeah, McCreary hale had all the training she needed to be excellent because she had trained with someone named Cat Albrecht, who was a former cop who turned into the founder of Missing Animal Response Network and the National Center for Missing Pets. Albright has been training a generation of pet detectives. So Albrick relies on trained bloodhounds and like a classic detective like in like a deer stalker coat Sherlock Holmes had she's out there
with the like the bloodhounds. That No, no, it's just how I imagine it's Sorry, I didn't falsely hypeio. But starting nineteen ninety seven, she's been working as a pet investigator, not a pet detective. She's out there like a PI.
Yeah.
So she she also, by the way, was a in law enforcement for years prior, and she brings her law enforcement background her dedicated to detective qualities, and she's, you know, a very good detective for police and turns to her police work for pets. Right, but she's also like the Batman of pet detectives. Because I know this sounds like, oh she operates at night and beats up like people in the shadows. No, No, what I mean is she
brings like a Batman utility belt to her job. She's got like all this high tech gear, infrared cameras, listening devices, search cameras like I bet she's got some of them, dog finding drones like I bet. Oh, yeah, she's all about that, right. She's the person who everybody in the pet detective world they credit her with pioneering the use of quote search probability theory as well as quote deductive
reasoning for missing cats and feline behavioral profiling. Feline behavioral profiling is a quote, a system of predicting patterns of feline behavior, similar to how the FBI profiles criminal behavior.
So did they interview cats who've gone missing? Your cats? So tell me about your experience?
Yeah, tell me. Tell me about your mother and about your father. Okay, did do you ever torture pets when you were a kidd? To other cats? So basically, this Joe Mantania, FBI profiler for missing cats, she's the person who's credited also for creating quote cat detection dogs. I just love that as a term cat detection dogs. I think all dogs are cat detection dogs. But anyway, it's like a cadaver dog, but for living cats.
Right, So cat detection dogs chicken roat hissory dogs exactly exactly.
The cat detection dogs are the search dogs. But then there are also trailing dogs, and these are the ones who specialize in following missing dogs. So they they're more like the bloodhounds blood cat detectors, they're more like trailing dog.
I think that's fascinating, all that search and rescue type.
Oh, she once used DNA to solve one of her cases from just a single cat whisker. Yeah, totally. She's also identified a type of evidence that she has dubbed high probability evidence, and but she describes that as quote, cat fibers on objects that often indicate where a lost cat is likely to be found.
When she goes it feels like Encyclopedia Brown, like she goes to someone's house and they have like white cat fur on their sweatshirt, and she's like, have you seen fluffy?
No, No, I haven't.
Do you own a cat? No doubt?
Is that an angora sweater?
Well you've got fur all over his sweater. Busted boom.
Encyclopedia Brown solves another. Great, we'll be a great pet detective, by the way, Yeah totally. I learned a lot as a young detective and training Encyclopedia Brown on it. That was Okay, we're gonna be real about it. That was my favorite kid detective. I won't even lie anyway. So anyway, all right, right, she's trained to hold generation of pet detectives. And the thing that she brought to it is she recognizes that you were basically dealing with a unique crisis.
This is a kin to a missing child for these people. So she's been very keen to make sure that all pet detectives they know that these skin mommies and flesh don't spiral out when their baby is missing. Yeah. Yeah, So, in case you're wondering, do pet detectives as specialties, Yes, and no, Elizabeth, some do, others don't. But there are ones who are better at, say, finding cats, or a
better finding dogs. Right, and so McCreary hale better finding cats, they say, quote, we find so many more cats than we do dogs. The reason why quote McCree hale says, cats are ever so much easier to find and quite predictable in some of their behaviors. The main thing is they're there to find. Yeah, yeah, So, which is weird that cats don't get picked up by other animals as often as dogs do. Oh, I don't know, they say. That's from what she's described. I'm not the pet detective, Elizabeth.
Cats are more inclined to slip out and hide.
That's exactly what she said. Yes, she said that it's easier to find because of missing dog roams and cat's hide. You called it check under the porch. We'll look at you now. She also says the reason why she does it is the thing we were talking about earlier. I don't know anywhere else to get that, and what that is is the feeling of quote. I just can't find any one other place in this world to observe or to be a part of, or to help bring about
that kind of joy. So when she is able to reunite a pet, the ninety makes up for the ten percent, Yeah, that makes sense.
And then the other ten percent she shows up on their doorstep with like a telegram and a folded flag, wearing.
A US Army costume costume, a uniform costume.
Why are you dressed like that? Because we don't do.
Stolen valor saw the party Rental had?
Are you dressed like that? Ma'am?
I have bad news. Now you may be wondering, Saren Are there any men who are pet detectives? We've only been talking about women.
Any men?
Are there any non binaries who are pet detectives? Because let's just say that women in non binaries are way better than men at this, because that's all I pretty much just able to find. Oh really, although I did find one dude, but he was like whatever. So we're not even going to discuss him. He wasn't very good at what He's not even fun is a Spentura. Right. So what I do want to talk to you, though, is about what we haven't discussed yet, which is someone
who specializes in cats. Yeah right, because I don't want to think the cat owners to think that we're not concerned about their missing pets as well. So let's treat them all equally.
Although I got to say, like, you know, I lurk on next door. Yeah, and it's like so full of missing pets, So I don't like to look actually that much anymore because it's upsetting to me. Yeah, I feel bad when people miss.
The I understand that I didn't realize the numbers.
Oh yeah, it's crazy. And like there's a lady who's been like posting for weeks now about her dog that got out. She reposts every day. Anyway, I as much as I love animals and I'm tenderhearted, I do kind of like every time I see a missing cat, I just go rip and like go to the scenes.
As I'm talking about, this is a gallows shammer. This is what I mean. I think you could detective Rip.
If you're catting gone for like a week. I'm not around anyone.
I'm telling you you could do fine on the cat crime scenes. All right, Well, last one I got for you is Kim Freeman, founder of Lost Cat Finder. She's known as quote, the world's first full time cat detective. No time I thought that she is a cat who is a detective.
But whatever, this is not as exciting, but whatever, so help me.
Exactly her tails swatting around behind her anyway, if you can believe it. Her partner, though, is a cat, and she her partner is a detective cat. So I'm like, that's the cat.
And does her partner could like convey what his thoughts are with like a speak and spell?
I don't know about that.
How do they communicate?
Well, I assume he's got some kind of like a body language like.
That dog one up with ohstbox, Yeah, that would.
Be dope, getting really close with that. They've they've gotten really far with the dolphins and also with dogs. I don't know where they are, but I keep hearing twenty twenty four. We'll have something. So anyway, So cat's name was Henry or is Henry. It's a tuxedo cat spoiler sorry, Tuxedo cat, And, as Kim Freeman put quote, most cats don't want to be found by a dog, even a search and rescue dog. She's a little about this right anyway. So but it makes sense based on everything I've learned
from cartoons. So, yes, dogs don't like cats. Cats don't like dogs. True, that's what I learned.
Well, I don't know. I've always had you time.
Me cartoons are wrong.
No, but I've just I am an accept I've always had dogs and cats living in harmony. No.
Yeah, when they grow up together, I'm saying, but strangers to each other.
Let me bring a new one in.
No, but I'm saying, like on the street, like they don't know, y'all get along. In this house, we respect them.
Yeah, yeah, I understand what you're saying.
Yes, well, Kim Freeman the cat Petfinder. She's an Atlanta based pet sleuth and her pet detective partner who really is the cat detective, Henry. They've worked together now to locate numerous missing cats, and she claims that Henry is trained to follow the scent of cats who escape home. So she's got a cat who's following other cats.
Sense a nosy cat.
Yes, a nosy cat. I thought you'd like this. And also like, for instance, Henry has quote found a cat who jumped out of a car at a gas station. Yeah. Like he's a baller detective. And if you're wondering how detective Henry operates, he's not some wild cannon turn in your badge and gun detective. No, Henry is like, you know, oh you shot the mayor's wife again? Not him, right? Not Henry?
Is he a real cowboy?
Know this guy? He is a leash trained cat. Oh yeah, he's he's like a very gum in cats. He's following all the lanes and away. So he wears a camera so he can show Freeman what only a cat can see and where only a cat can go.
He's got like the what do they call himen the cops wear it? What the camera?
Oh the bodycam?
Body cam?
Yeah? Okay, you know you did your handle. It was like a holster. I'm like, what like the body hey? I like to imagine Henry is like as a pet detective, Like he smokes too much. He's always complaining about his ex wife pay alimony. So she's like just tired of hearing it, having to always drive Lenny Prisco. Yeah, exactly. I want him to be like a like yeah, early nineties law and order. That's what I want from him.
That's what he is now, if you're wondering. Freeman also has her top ten cat detective commandments, but she's limited to three, so there you go.
Okay.
Number one, a litter box is not inviting so, as Freeman says, quote, this action will attract wildlife and predators, as well as territorial bully cats who may chase your cat farther away.
See, I've always been told you supposed to put the litter box outside of so that's what she says.
Don't do that. Wow. Number two, don't go chasing after your cat. Instead, bring the treats and shake them like a money maker. I added that last part. She said, if you call and shake the treats, your cat may move towards your voice, but not come out of hiding and may end up farther away from your home. So the treats can help. And three and again repeating number two for effect, do not chase your cat.
So you're to chase it with an airhorn exactly, hold back and a water gun.
And she's like quote you can't catch a cat. They are too fast, and even a three legged cat can outrun you.
True.
I love that even a three legged cat can out run you, ma'am. You don't even know me.
It just gets up on its hind too.
Where can I race this three legged cat to prove you are wrong, ma'am? Anyway, Freeman warns that chasing them will make them feel like prey and they will run farther and faster. Instead, sit down and open a cat of tuna. Just get comfortable, chill, hang out, I added to this last. Yeah, I just like the jubble's on you be it a familiar place like your door. She's got a real tone.
To standing there for twenty four hours at your door.
And she goes back to your point once again, dog's roam, cat's hide, so once again, don't look. And yeah, so it takes time and diligence, And I have said one other happy note. Freeman, unlike most of the criminals we cover, was able to get a book deal without going to prison. Yes, yes, she wrote how to Find Your Lost Cat, Advice from a Cat Detective. I would only buy it if Henry wrote it.
Yeah that's me, is signed.
I'd like to write that book, but have none of it be good advice.
I'd like to write that cats.
Yeah, it's all about whales.
It's not even about finding an.
It's about like financing Canada exactly like things like my things to be like talk wildly and loosely, like go out, talk game about your cat. See you come down.
I dressed like a harlet exact.
Puit your fast ass out there. No, but anyway, if you want to find a cat like me, that would work. That and maybe some Gwendolyn Brooks poetry. I don't know. But it's a brave, strange new world of pet detectives. And there you go. I hope you enjoyed your tour. I did a ridiculous takeaway.
Keep track of your pets. Yeah you know, I mean, I understand it happens, but you know mine is fix your fence.
Chicken makes things better and it'll bring your pets back.
There's nothing like a good rotisserie chicken.
Yeah. Well, thanks for listening. That's all I got for you.
Okay, you can find us online.
Ridiculous crime about Twitter and Instagram. That's the Twitter, that's the place with the bird. Instagram that's the place with the pictures. Also, we've got a website that's really fun and we've got new merch, so go check that out. Always the Birch by the way is only there from a limited time, so enjoy those limited editions Ridiculous Crime dot com. Also you can hit us up with emails. That's Lady gagas Dogs. It's Ridiculous Crime at gmail dot com.
Once again, thanks for listening, y'all. Ridiculous Crime is hosted by Elizabeth Dutton and Zaren Burnette, produced and edited by our resident dog Whisperer to the Stars, Dave Kustin. Research is by Marisa I'm an Owl Detective Brown and Andrea I'm a Dolphin PI song sharpened here. Our theme song is by Thomas the Wolf Psychic Lei and Travis the Parrot Shouder. Dutton executive producers are bent on weekends. I
do asl for parrot shows, Bowlin and Noel. I make little chill wagons for legless dogs, Brown.
Red, Why say it one more time? Geek crime.
Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio four more podcasts. My Heart Radio visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows,