Are You There Godzilla, It’s Me Kim Jong-il

you know soccer people get concussions and brain damage. Dude, No one talks about this, the CTE damage of soccer. I'm just saying, yeah, well okay, so good point. Um, here's here's the thing. Like when you know, you think about football, and especially we're like Super Bowl time and um, it's all like not just the football that's being played, but the football and your tummy cheese, well yeah, all the snacks. Right, so you've got like, um, nachos like

you said, and chili and beer and that's ridiculous. No, you know where I'm going. Where are you going? Okay, So there's this thing that pairs well, as they said, with recliners, gaming and late night snack attacks. And it was we got so many of like sent to us, of these things sent to us, not physically, but we got a lot of messages about this from so many brew dudes and all working against me. Go on, Okay, So there's this thing and it's called Hormel Chili Chili

Cheese Brew. It's beer, Hormel Chili Cheese Brew. Yeah, the website says, Yes, this madness is real. The tastiness of Hormel Chili Cheese Dip has come to life as a beer perrier dip with SIPs. When you pick up a four pack of this smooth chili cheese spice beer, it's dip a clock, y'all. Could you imagine drinking enough to get sick and the stuff coming back up a flavor burning? Can I read you the press release? It's amazing, arriving just in time for Super Bowl or Super Bowl for

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served with corn chips if desired. Why would they do that? I win the ridiculousness, dude, that is more than ridiculous. That's just hate chili cheese. Are you going to do that to a super Bowl party? Because could you meague if you showed up a super Bowl party and they were serving the there like, I wouldn't be surprised. I don't know what happens at this that's true, you don't. It's not that bad. It's not as bad as you think. If you got a second. You're familiar with the leader

of North Korea, right, Kim Jong doon? Okay, well, there was his one time when his daddy, the former dear leader Kim Jong ill, he kidnapped the biggest star and the best director from South Korea. Then he brought them to North Korea and he had them shoot a remake of Godzilla. Yes, he wanted a North Korean Godzilla who could crush the capitalist swine. Now you have to understand,

this is such a wild story. Are you ready for the story of the making of a movie that feels like it's story would make an even better movie than the movie that was made? I am ready? All right? This is Ridiculous Crime a podcast about absurd and outrageous capers, heights and cons. It's always murder free and one ridiculous Elizabeth. I would like to talk with you today about your Lord and savior, Godzilla. Have you been saved? Are you

a fan of Godzilla? No? Okay, well I'm gonna lay some facts on your I mean, disappointment is an understatement, but whatever, you know, let me just lay some facts on you so you can appreciate the cult of the thunder Lizard. All right, So Godzilla is an americanization of a Japanese name, right, So in Japan his name is Godjira, and Gojira is a portmanteau in Japanese. It's two Japanese words braided together, and the words are goira for gorilla

and kujira for whale. So Godzilla's name really means guerrilla whale. I thought you'd like that. Yeah, it's starting to win me over right. I'm working and from not caring to like caring a little bit the dial I'm a little curious. What is that, Godzilla? Curious? You can't understand god have you You've never seen a single movie I have. He didn't enjoy it, he didn't stay with you, just didn't care. When we're the other How can you say that? I just didn't care when we are the other. You said

it twice, so nice, I said it all right. Well whatever, So Godzilla my dog, not yours. Born of the sea whale, exactly, my gerilla whale. What up dog? Awakened by the nuclear age, he in a sense, is the revenge of nature against civilization. Godzilla is the spirit of our times. Elizabeth, you know I love that, I thought you. Yeah, you know I love animals and creatures attacking us in the street, kidding

all around the world. Godzilla is loved by many people who aren't you, and he is the monster you love to hate. He stars in movies. He's also he has ted TV shows, cartoon shows, comic books, mangas, graphic novels literally very novels, video games, music videos, and of course knockoff porn videos. So Godzilla, I'm not sure if you

know this. He's not young. He came to screens in ninety four in Japan, and then in two years later he comes to America and he starts to reckon Shop, and the americanized version heavily edited, and they threw in a Raymond burd just to really make the American audiences connect. It was called Godzilla, King of the Monsters exclamation point. Now the American release, it becomes a big hit, and uh, you know, it's one of those things that pretty much

created not just a genre, but a whole thing. You know, it is a world to itself. And there's the mathra things, all the monsters exactly. Okay, So in four Godzilla had been off of screens for a decade. There have been no movies. The seventies have been hard on Godzilla. They got a little cheesy in the sixties, and by the seventies people are like, what what is this mecha zillah? I don't even care anymore? Right, So the people, good people of Tohe Films, they decided in let's bring back Godzilla.

They're like, yeah, like not only that, let's a race all of those bad movies we've made. So they take the fourteen films in between the first one and the new one they plan and they go, none of those counted, and so they say this will be the first sequel to the original film. The rest all just went to Mystery Science theater. Pretty much, Yeah, pretty much because Zilla. The people from Toe they realized we went we made a mistake. We stopped letting Godzilla be the monster. We

made him the hero of fighting other monsters. I want to go back to him being the one coming after us. Yeah, exactly. So Godzilla comes back eighty meters tall, fifty thousand tons of lizard monstrous, right, big bigg and so he's this long daddy. The movie is called the Return of Godzilla. In America, it's called Godzilla. You've seen this one. Raymond Burr came back for the sequel, did wow. I don't recall if I've seen it or not, but there's a

lot I don't remembers. It's very likely you maybe have seen it. Is the Godzilla movie. A lot of Americans have seen it, even if they don't know it. Right now, I know you're probably thinking, Zarin, what is it that we all love about Godzilla? Darren, what is it that we all love about Godzilla? It's a great question, Elizabeth. I'll tell you now. Koji Hashimoto, he's the director of the Return of Godzilla. He said, and I quote, the existence of Godzilla is itself a dilemma. Godzilla is a

living conflict of evil and sadness. Yes, he is the monster you feel sorry for. Well, well, I mean maybe I do okay. Now, the writer of Godzilla remake, Tomo Yuki Tanaka, he said, and I quote, Godzilla is the son of the atomic bomb. He is a nightmare created of the darkness of the human soul. He is the

sacred beast of the apocalypse. Right. Yeah, Now, when the Godzilla reboot dropped, there was one cinephile out there, not you, who saw Godzilla re emerged from the dark and deep and was like, I need me one of those Godzillas, Get me a Godzilla. And that man's name was Kim Jong Ill, the next in future dear leader of North Korea. At the time, he was the son of the founder of dpr K. He was always the son of the founder, but at the time he was not yet the leader.

He was still like, you know, junior dictator to be. Now his father's running the show, so that means his son had a lot of time on his hands. So what he liked to do was watch movies, specially bootleg Western movies. The dude loved movies. Like I'm talking, he had fifteen thousand film library. Now remember these legals, no American products or Western products are supposed to be in the country. He's got fifteen thousand bootleg film movies for me, but not for the exact So the ones he loved,

I'm not sure if I'll just tell you. He loved action movies like Rambo, loved the Rambo movies. He also loved James Bond films. He loved Friday the Thirteen, Big Jason fan. Yeah. Also he loved any film that starred Elizabeth Taylor. He went nuts for her lavender eyes. Right. So now since dude that can have whatever job he wants, he becomes the head of the North Korean film industry. Right, so he has bustling exactly. He's got him cooking sixty

films a year, which is not bad. I mean, like Disney only puts out like fifteen films in here now, So they were cooking, right, it was like Golden Age Hollywood era. Now anywhere, Oh, I'll lists off something for you to go and here, get your pen out, you're ready. So the films are all mostly blatant propaganda, right, the original ones like so the ones like of his father's era, they're just all propagandiam me, generally under communism is kind

of hard to make good films. I mean, yes, there's Tartakovsky. They're good filmmakers, but generally under communism you get some pretty questionable films. Right. Kim Jong Ill he knew this, so he studies Western film. He writes the books so that these communist movies can get better. His book is called On the Art of Cinema. It was his attempt to guide this film industry, right, So he gives him the manifesto about how to make a good movie. Lars Montrier,

he was not, but he did at USC Films. Yeah, it's like Dogma nine. And then also on the Artist Cinema and then some Willie Golden books on screenwriting. That's it right now. Mostly dude is just railing on the Korean film scene in his book, right, he's just like the angriest film history you've ever read. Now. His father, as I told you, created propaganda films. You asked about them. One of them was Sea of Blood. That was about Korea's fight against Japan in the nineteen thirties, a real

tragic film. And I know, Elizabeth, you probably remember the hit song from that that movie, My Heart Will Remain Faithful. Oh yeah, but is my go to it karaoke? I knew that that's what I thought. Okay, now, Kim Jong Il, I've never done karaoke really, yeah, have to correct that. I'll even embarrass myself to make sure you do it now, Kim Jong Il. He uh. He praised his father's era of films. He wrote in his book quote, films should contain musical masterpieces like these, the fusion of noble ideas

and burning passion. Right. He's like very much about the grand themes. But he's a different man than his father. So when he gets his hands on the North Korean film industry, he wants to create great art. So and also the communist propaganda the same thing, same goals, right, But he know this wouldn't be easy, so he decided, you know what I need to do. I need to kidnap the most talented director in South Korea so I can make great art. I won't force him, so this

poor unfortunate soul. His name was Shin Song oc Shin Song. He had a production company and he named after himself. It was called Shin Films, and he made a ton of films and they were mostly beloved. Some were challenging, but he mostly made crowd pleasers. He was like kind of like a James Cameron if you will right now. One of his big films is called The Eunuch. Now, can you guess what The Eunuch is about? Elizabeth? Yes, I'm having no testicles, but no, maybe it's beyond that.

It's it's about unis and concubines. It's doubling up. Yeah, there's two of them. They fall in love a concubine me to Unich. In the court. They decide, oh, it would be great if we could consummate our love affair. Oh but you have no junk. And he's like, no, no, baby, don't worry. It still works. And she's like really, And they're about to consummate their love affair, and then tragic events happen and they don't and people die spoil Oh sorry, I totally I didn't mean to blow that for you anyway.

For me, Shin's movies are mostly these for you too, Okay, let me let me get back together. Okay, So the Shin's movie they're mostly there's star women, and they're they're considered like provocative. At this time, there's Chinese movies, Japanese movies in Korea, and the Korea's movies and creas movies are often very conservative careers culture at the times conservative. It's under a dictatorship, so he's challenging societal roles for women.

He's very much an avant garde artist but still making popular films. And he's also really good like director where he's his films are like a master class for young actors. Right. So the guys just killing it in the rolls around the Korean dictatorships, like you know what, Shin, you need to close up shops, and there's nothing he can do about it. So boom, he's out of business and he's like, oh, this sucks, and uh, you know, this is the moment Kim Jong ill was waiting for. He's like rubbing his

hands together all sinister. Now the filmmaker made suddenly be amenable to this second chance to make great art. Kim Jong il knows he's gonna need the right enticements if he wants to get Shin to come over to North Korea and jump the d MZ. So he's like, what can I do? He's like, well, is he great art? That may not be enough? I know it. I'm I've got it. I know what I need to do. And he's like, I'll kidnap his wife. It's like this business always to the relationship of trust and need, so joy

you and He. That was his wife's name. She was the biggest, most respected actress in South Korea and she's married to the hottest director. They were this ultra cool couple. They were like the jay Z and Beyonce of seventies Korea. Right. They met on a film set. And there's a documentary about this whole story. It's called The Lovers in the Despot and I recommend it great your coverage if you want to hear more about this story. In the film

show You and He. She remembers meeting her future husband and she's like, I was asked to star in this film. Then we met and had black bean noodles. Shin wasn't only handsome, he was also stylish. Everyone thought he was cool and he was a brilliant filmmaker. He said that we should make films together forever, and that's how it

all began. Now, storybook romance. That's awesome, right, but be careful what you wish for because there may be some North Korean dictator listening, and suddenly you're making movies together forever. In North Korea, which is pretty much what happened. Okay, we'll take a little break here and we'll get back to the North Korean Godzilla and I'm going to blow your mind, all right, Elizabeth Zaren, I like saying it

in an accusatory way today, Saren. Yes, Elizabeth, I was telling you about the super couple, the director of My man, Shin and his wife the star You and he. Now they sounds super groovy, right they were. Well, I'll show you pictures of them and you can put them up and be like, oh man, look at these two that I'm going to sound Yeah, just like that. It feel like when you're looking at pictures of Elliott, are you going to hit me in the head? I got a

head wound now and I'm looking at the pictures. So Shin, he's this dude is a wilful soul, right, You and he? She called him the wild Horse, which I think means like we would call him the mustang man mustand yeah, total cowboy, little band's man in terms of like going his own way, right, the super couple, they're a match set though, because you and he's she's just as willful as Shin, right, maybe even more so in some ways,

because well, I'll get into that later. But she goes on to secretly record Kim Jong Ill by hiding a recorder in her purse. Getting caught would cost her, possibly her head and seven generations of her family, right, exactly the circles that emanate with blood. No, you have to understand thanks to this, you and he, Elizabeth, you know that I have now heard Kim Jong Ill's voice. You. Yes, I she recorded him, and before she recorded him, no Westerner had heard Kim Jong ULL's voice. Now I am

in rare air. Yeah, and if you watch the documentary, you two can be in that same rare air. But for you, Elizabeth, I thought, I just read a couple of Kim Jong ules choice quotes from the secret tape that you and he recorded. You get a sense of the man's gonna sound like him. Well, this is gonna be Kim Jong Lem excited. Why do all of our films have the same ideological plots? There's nothing no about them? I mean, like, why are there so many crying scenes?

All of her films have crying scenes. This isn't a funeral, is it? Okay? Elizabeth? No, wait a minute, you said the reason I gave the Dear Leader a comical Chicago accent, It's because I don't want to tread on any racist

ground here by a mistake. Right, So my imitation is gonna be you know, I'm gonna stay away from me caricatures or stereotypes, and I'm gonna go with those pure Chicago Okay, Now, if you got a second, I got another one for you now, he said on tape, and I quote, we don't have any films they can get into film festivals. But I mean, like in South Korea, they have better technology. They are like college students. We are just in nursery school. People here are so close minded.

I wonder why, yes, the irony could choke Godzilla. I mean it's just like, come on, Mane, You're the reason they're so close. Mind you and your daddy. I got one more for you. You're ready. This is uh Kim Jong Ill talking about South Korea's films versus the North Koreas films. Alright, I've looked at South Korea's films. I've asked my advisor who's the best director in the South. He said that his name is Shin. I said, how can we persuade him to come here. How could I

lure this director Shin? So now that's the plot. He's like to get this man into North Korea. So I already told you the answer to this is he's gonna kidnap you and he. That's his plan. That's how he's gonna get him over and force to come and make great art Godzilla movies. Now his plan, perfect plan, grabbed the wife. Here's how it plays out. You're ready, you and he. She's an actress, so you know she has to go and talk to producers. She gotta go and

do business a film. She's gotta have lunches, all that kind of right. Now, she gets flown over to Hong Kong to meet with this producer about a potential role in an upcoming Hong Kong movie. And Hong Kong guys a great film community, so she's like stoked. She's like, oh yeah, I'm gonna go work with some you know, Jackie Chance Production company or whatever. Right, she stoked. She gets met at the airport by an executive she knows from the Hong Kong branch of her ex husband Shin's

film company, because at this point they are divorced. Right, So She's like always from Shin's films. So with this dude, is this woman she doesn't know, the woman she doesn't know, she's told as a shopping guide for her while she's in Hong Kong. She's like, how thoughtful. That's dope. Now I'll let you and he tell the story. Alright ready, she says there was no reason to be suspicious. She came to the hotel with her daughter and we wandered around.

She suggested we visit a summer house by the seaside. It was owned by the guy who wanted to start a business relationship. I was playing with her daughter and waiting for the to show up, and then she called out, come here quickly. There was a speedboat with three or four strong men. All of a sudden, a guy grabbed me by the arms. Before I knew it, I was on board. So that's how she gets grabbed, right. I love that there was a speedboat. Yes, yes, just like

that the mid eighties. So yeah, it's Miami Vice era. Okay, so it makes sense that of course there's a speed you gotta have a speedboat. Everybody's like, no, I'm Crockett and tubs my way over there now, you and he She gets further into the story and she says, when I woke up, I was in the captain's cabin on a big cargo ship. I thought they are going to kill me. There was a doctor and he had a

lot of equipment and he gave me injections. This went on for about eight days, me waking and then collapsing with no food. Now, when she arrives in North Korea and she's like, oh, you know, just completely out of sorts. It sounds terrifying totally right now. When she gets there though, there's this entourage of people up there to meet her at the wharf, and then she hears a deep voice call out her, Hey, thanks for coming to make Kim Jong ill. Alright, So he comes over to her and

Kim Jong Hill. He acts just like he'd arrived on a movie set and she's there and he's the director and he's like, hey, well, we're gonna have a lot of fun on this account. And she's like, what are you just terrified? Right? She's been like repeatedly drugged, hasn't eaten, like she didn't know where she was going. She would just come to doesn't know if she's gonna be killed, and then she's got this clown and then that the first thing that she sees that makes sense is Kim

Jong Ill coming at her. Yeah, I'd be like him. I having a hallucination. She says that she didn't know if she was a gift for him or his father. Just imagine that, dear right. Yeah. Meanwhile, her ex husband Shin he discovers you and he is missing from Hong Kong, and he goes wild with worry. He's like, he immediately fears the worst. He's faced with all the ideas of like what could go wrong, and he immediately thinks north Korea.

It's got to be North Korea. And he's fearing, by the way, for both his wife and himself because if they grabbed his wife, he's like, oh, I could be next, right, So he traveled to Hong Kong to go find his missing wife, and while he's there he asked the police. He's like, hey, I'm gonna need protection because my wife got grabbed. They're like, oh, of course, of course. He's like, I don't want to get snatched off the street like my wife, Like of course, what we got you? Like

this is under British protectorate at the time. So there's British investigators trying to figure this all out, and like we were going to take care of the foreign nationals and so it's like a whole thing. Right now, Shin has little to go on to find his wife, right and he's like, he's got little help other than the British authorities. But he does have one colleague in the city, an old friend and a former business partner, and this man offers him help to go find you and he

and he's like, oh cool. But then come to find out his old friend and business partner was a North Korean spy. Chin never sees coming. So here's how Shin tells the story. There was a secret agent in Hong Kong. He was my colleague, so there was no reason to be suspicious, and he took me to Repulse Bay on Hong Kong Island. The car stopped and three or four people got in. Okay, wait, I have to pause the story for a second. I like them, both of these stories.

It's always three or four people, Like they're just like hey, for both of them, they're just like, you know, sm it's good for supremely low numbers. It like like it was three ye stopped counting after three. I don't know what are one person? What does it matter? We are, we are we setting a table here. Why do I have to know how many people are in the car? But you know, he's like, look, you know me people was enough people exactly, So every time he goes, he's

like three or four people. Anyway. He also reminds me of the David Sedaris story of like the sixty eight black Men. Yeah, you know this story. So he's like, just for anyone who doesn't. David Sai Darris is driving around Europe and he's talking to people, trying to get to know the areas, and it's a big thing to do. Was always asking him what's the local Christmas traditions? And in the Netherlands, he gets there and they start telling him that St. Nick shows up, and every time he

shows up, it's always a six eight black men. And he keeps asking people and he can never get an exact number. At one point, I have a code here from him, he says, I asked several touch people to narrow it down, but none of them could give me an exact number. It was always six to eight, which seems strange. Things they've had hundreds of years to get a decent count. So anyway, that's what I kept picturing when I'm reading, three to four people get in the car.

Three to four people were in the boat. Okay, so back to your abductions. Okay, So the director is in the car with his former colleague when three or four people get in. They were wearing long wigs. He says, they put a bag over my head. And I gotta stop again because I'm sorry, but they're wearing wigs. They put a bag over his head. Does seem incongruous to me.

It's like, make up your minds. Do you want to be disguised or you're gonna like just put a bag over some of the wearing a bag, they put a wing on him, just exactly like okay, like you're driving around Hong Kong with a man with a bag on his head. What are the wigs for, like or the Beatles?

It's okay, I mean I can see they probably like put the bag on his head and then shove them down into the footwell and then they're wearing wigs and they're like, I don't know, these like three to four guys with really beautiful long tresses flowing in the open air windows. Yes, I don't know what it doesn't look like me. You're probably right if exactly that. So at this point, I'll pick back up the abduction. So he

since says they were wearing long wigs. They put a bag over my head and made me in halee chloroform. So poom, he's out. Now he's captured too. Boom, Just like that, the North Korean film industry just got a whole lot more talents. So meanwhile, back in South Korea, people start to assume terrible things. And I don't mean terrible things like oh they're dead. I mean like terrible things like I don't know about this abduction. First the wife gets abducted, and now Shin gets abducted. I think

they defected. I think they just faked their kidnappings. So people still not looking for them or killing they're gone. Yes. Meanwhile, Smash cut to Shin in a North Korean prison camp because that's where he was taken by his abductors. So he's seriously sitting in a North Korean prison camp. His wife you and he she's being treated well. She's in

Kim Jong's palaces. She's cared for pamper being taken to shows eating well, Shannon is also in North Korea, but she doesn't know that, right, so she's just like having her little life totally unaware. Now being my kind of guy, Shin was thinking the whole time he's in the prison camp. W W S M D. You know what that stands for? What would Steve McQueen do. That's a good thing all the time? Well, I mean not all the time. He

was always there are some exceptions to exactly. So shin ch handles Steve McQueen in The Great Escape and he gets all inspired. He decides he's gonna bust out of this North Korean prison camp. So he starts to write and direct his own escape movie starring him. Oh my god, that's so perfect. And I got a quote for you from Shin You ready, He says, when put in extreme situations, people imitate what they see in movies. If I was going to make a movie about this situation, how would

I film it? I thought, I'm gonna get out, even if I have to dig a tunnel under the floor. Then I tried scraping at the floorboards. Anyway, whatever it takes, I have to get out of here. So that's his plan, right, and we have a lot of cinematic This is not really his his part isn't a crime, but it's like what's his name with heat? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah completely And so my man Shin, he pulls it off. He

escapes the prison camp. He's able to run off, and when he gets outside the fence, he finds a bike. I loved this park. He finds a bike. He steals a bike, and then he's like, you know what, each according to their needs, comrade, and takes off and he's gone right on his stolen bike. He's paddling away and like Fiona Apple, he's going as fast as he can. Right now, Shin sees a train and maybe he can catch this train get over the border to China. He's like,

I've gotta catch that train. So he ditches the stolen bike, runs over the freight train, tries to hop like a hobo his way onto the train. Makes it. But it turns out that train just goes in one big circle. It just loop. It doesn't go anywhere. It's such a North Korean train. It's like I just go in the circle. What I'm just supposed to run? So it is feeded. He is, but he's so tired and worn out he cannot muster another like escape attempts, So he just goes

to sleep on top of the train car. Somebody sees his foot dangling on the side. They called the police, so the police call come, they arrest him. They take him back to the prison camp, and he's like I was, so he gots he gets up, but then he's taken to prison number six. Now, Prison number six is the hardcore prison reform camp where political prisoners are sent for re education North Korean style re education. Again, yeah, exactly, so it shouldn't put it anyway. It's a horrible place anyway.

This is from his memory. He's telling a story and he goes anyway, it's a horrible place. So to survive he has to subsist on rice, handfuls of grass and salt. Yeah, that's that's his nutrient account. He said, I quote, I experienced the limits of human beings. So yeah, he learns the one all important lesson from his time in North Korea's re education prison. He learns the idea that if he wants to ever escape the country, he's going to need an actual plan. He can't just run out. I'm

gonna catch a train or steal a bike. And so the first step of his new path is he writes a letter to the dear Leader Kim Jong Ill. He's like, hey, dear leader, and he promises him, I will make you glorious films. I will make you great, beautiful films, movies that will exalt North Korea on the world stage. This is everything Kim Jong Ill has been waiting to hear. So Kim Jong Ill is like, as my girl Renee Zala Baker, Well, one day come to say you had

me at hello? So what Shin wins over Kim Jong Ill? He has the baby dictator. Hey, what about my kidnapped wife? She's still alive now. At this point, Shin has been in North Korea for five years, five years, and he hasn't seen it yet, hasn't seen it. She doesn't know that he's been there for five years. And they had two adopted children. They've they've been told by everybody they've defected, so their children don't even they think they've been abandoned

by their parents. So he's just like going through it. Right. So February three, Kim Jong Il's birthday. You know, Johnny big hair, don't care is going to show out for his birthday. So he does and you and he tells the story. She's like, one day, out of the blue, there was a car waiting to take me to Kim Jong Iill's house. You have to understand she knows that when a car is sent for her, it just means

something big is going to happen. You could mean, oh, you're gonna get murdered today, or it could being like, oh, I want to show you this this ballerina from Swan Lake I abducted. You never know, right, So when she arrives, Kim john Ill is in a good mood. He's like, you know, like Rick James in a room full of cocaine. He's like, he's like to give Drake, could go to a Drake concert. He's just like and be in the

front row. He's just beaming. Right. So Kim john Ill sees her and he's like, miss Joy, it's my birthday party. It's a family affair, right, And she's like, oh god right. So one of the party guests guides her attention. He's like, look over there, you and he she turns and she sees her husband, Shin standing in the room, and she's like, what the hell. They've dozens of film together, raised two children. They have the storybook love affair. They are the ben Affleck.

He's the ben Affleck to her j Lo. You know, yeah, but weren't they divorced? They broke up and then now fate has brought them back together. Just in this case, you know, Fate is you know, Kim jong Ill just like a little less Dunkin Donuts and exactly less cold coffee and less dunk now and you and he sees Shin. She says, I froze on the spot. Was I dreaming? This can't be real. I kept staring at him. All I could say is what happened to you? Shin was quiet.

He just looked at me and smiled. Even then, I was thinking if this was a film, there'd be a lot of tears. But she's like filming herself. Yeah, they're living this out and instead of being like how we can get out of here? So Kim Jong Ill is like, I think everybody forgot whose birthday party it is. So he's like, comrades, let me introduce you. This is director shan Are, no film advisor. This is miss Joy mother of Korea. So he's like telling him, like, these are

my new people, right. He orders the reunited couple to embrace because the thing you were worried about, he say, hug up, alright, So they do, and he tells him like you're getting You're getting remarried. This is great and they're like oh. And eventually the couple is remarried. And while they're in North Korea. So at his birthday party, Kim John guilt explains to Shin about, oh, by the way, about tossing him in prison, that whole rigor morale. He's like, no, sorry,

it was a misunderstanding. He blames his people, like exactly, he just got lost in the translations of paperwork. Sorry. So you know, he's like, hey, you try running a country without a reliable power grid, you know. So Shin said about this time, he's like, I hated communism, but I had to pretend to be devoted to it to escape from this barren republic. It was lunacy. Now, speaking of lunacy, I promised you a North Korean Godzilla, and oh, you're ready for it, because we're gonna be getting into

it now, all right. So now we have our free director, and all the film ideas, the scripts, the casting whatever, all that stuff has to run through Kim Jong Ill. Now can you imagine being in the writer's room with Kim Jong Illazing, terrifying and amazing. It's ten am. He's already had two of your co writers sent to the gulag. They weren't laughing at his jokes. Is that just a

funny pat? Why aren't you laughing? He's he's had like a like a delivery person executed for bringing him cold black, being the little that's doing this show with you exactly. So one Shin is out of prison and Kim Jong Il he's like, hey, I'm gonna give you free rein And they're allowed. The couples are to go all around the country and look for locations for all the movies he wants them to make, and they do. It's small

taste of freedom. They're stoked. They're even allowed to travel internationally. One of the trips, the couple goes to Berlin for location shoots, but this time it's East Berlin. It's still part of the Eastern Block, right, so they're in a communist country still, right, but they're outside North Korea. And so while they're in East Berlin. Shin and you and he are walking around. They see the US embassy and

you and he his Shin's arm of squeeze. He's like, let's run for it, try to make it to the embassy, and Shin was like against it. He tells his wife, what's the matter with you. I will not make an attempt unless it is certain if they caught us, we'd be dead right now. Plus shins about his make of North Korean masterpiece Polga. Sorry, that's the name of North Korean godzilla, Pulga. Sorry, Pulga. Sorry, So he wants to get into his masterpieces. Like, I ain't going anywhere now.

After this little break, I will tell you all about Bulga. Sorry alright, Elizabeth. While our couple, Shin and you and he were being detained in North Korea, they were able to shoot seventeen feature films. And they did this in a span of two years three months. Yeah, they were cranking them out. They said they were like barely sleeping

to three hours a night. Anyway, there was one unexpected side effect they had encountered on, which is the couple became a walking, talking propaganda film because their lives became content, and Kim Jong Hill was able to use it. He took photos of them, he put them on North Korean papers, those go over to South Korea's borders. Suddenly it looks like they're having this great time in North Korea, which

plays into the story that they voluntarily defected. So and they don't know this because they don't know that these stories anyway, so it's a whole problem. Anyway, this is far from the truth because you and he and Shin they even though yes they were like the COMI, ben affleckt In j Lo, the People's jay Z and Beyonce, they were still in their minds South Korean artists, right. So they're like, how do we get out of here? And Shin's like, Pulga sorry, So he gives Kim Jong

Hill what he wants his Godzilla Monster movie. Now. To make this North Korean Godzilla truly epic, Shin decides they're gonna need to hire the original team from Japan that made the original Godzilla back in nineteen fifty four. So Shin tells Kim Jong Il's planned and the Dictator to be is like, that's so crazy. I freaking love it. We got it through this, So this time Kim Jong Il. He doesn't have the film crew kidnapped like them. Instead, he has this Japanese VFX crew invited to go to

China to shoot a film. They get on a plane and when the plane lands there in North Korea, surprise, welcome the pe Yeah so boom. Now one of the the abductive members of this Japanese VFX crew, it's Elizabeth is Ken Pachiro Satsuma. Now, if you don't know the name Kim Paturo Satsuma, he's the man who was Godzilla. He's the one inside the Rubber Monster. So really yeah, well, technically he was the second man to ever wear the Godzilla suit because it was a long stretch between fifty

four and he's he's tall, he's a big boy. He's I love that. I've I've introduced long Daddy andlexicon, a lexicon of strange phrases, tall boys and long days. Well, tall boys still reserve for bears, but cemented. So when SMA gets to North Korea, he gets to be the first to wear the new Pulgasari suit. So he's got his own record. Oh my god, So no Polka Sari is a lot like Godzilla. I want you to be able to picture him. He has a giant lizard beast monster.

He destroys everything. But he wasn't born from nuclear energy from the West. You know that would be too much of a flex for the West. So pulga sorry, he was made by an elderly farmer and uh he was created and shaped out of rice. And Pulgasari came to life when a drop of the farmer's daughter's blood landed on his rice mold body. I don't want to know

how that happen. So Kim Jong ill he think he wants his film to be a powerful attack on Western values and a love song to the people struggle against greed, private wealth and oppression. Did Pulgasari have to wear like that, like drab, gray North Korean utilitarian sheet clothes. That's the other question I have just said. I'm sorry to side track you, but I keep wondering in my mind when you describe the couple like they're super fashionable and like

wearing all these designer duds. But did they have to pick from like the approved haircuts you know about in the Communism under Like most of these times, the party leaders have all the best Western stuff but if they're going to know, they don't. They are not supposed to be emblems of the revolution. The revolution has been from like a handful of haircuts if you're like a person like on the regular, Like, yeah, they don't touch streets,

so they do whatever they want. Did they cut her hair to look like no, Kim John Ill you know he has like the helmet hair he's got that. They got the papadoor. Sorry, it's fine. So yeah, though they had the best of everything. They're eating like, you know, wild boar for dinner, running their fingers over pearl necklaces, like running their fingers through just like hell, yes, I sit here, I run my fingers over pearls and I

eat deep bore like anyway, they're living locks. Right. So in the film Polga Sorry the Monster, there's this wicked king because it takes place in the past, and the wicked king is starving the people. So the monster attacks the king. Right, Godzilla goes after Pulga. Sorry, he goes after the king. Now, this plot line gets intercut with folk dances of the people because it's a communist movie, Elizabeth, and that's what they do in communist movies. In case

you didn't notice. Yeah, it's it's part of the whole deal. It's like their version of a car chase. Instead of like cut to the chase, it's cut to the harvest dancers. So you know. Anyway, Eventually, our monster, Pulgasari, he squares off with the king. King fires a missile at him. Paulgasari eats the missile. He kills the king right. He's like, he eats him right, and the King's like oh. Then, surprising everyone, Pulgasari starts attacking the people. They're like, no,

we didn't see this coming. Pulga sorry, and Paulga sorry because he doesn't know any better. He's just, you know, a rice mold monster who wants to eat iron. I forgot to tell you that he eats iron. So he's hungry for delicious, delicious iron. So he's always like eating like, you know, gates or sections of fence, or like munching on like a farmer's tools, nibbling on a shovel, whatever

you can get, right. So the farmer's daughter she goes and she pleads with Paulga Sari, so leave the people alone, Paulkasari, and Polkasari' is like oh and then like, you know, I don't know why he explodes, right, he's just like her, please are so strong? He explodes, and why would he explode? For the people, Elizabeth, it's communism and he's communist Godzilla. So he gives his body forth like Jesus and he's like each of my Pulga Sari and this sounds beautiful. Anyway.

At the end of the movie, a baby Polga Sari is seen walking out of the sea. Because you always got to think of the sequel seeds. Now, surprisingly this movie when he gets dropped in North Korean theaters, it's a huge hit. People love it. Kim Joyo stoked. He's like, it's a masterpiece. It's a work of pure cinema. I'm telling you, it's amazing. Now in North Korea, he's a really only critic that matters. So this is like if Roger Ebert and Cisco and like every other film critic

you can name, Jean Shallot, there you go. They all loved it, right, just all one big person. Now next up a voltron. Yeah, but film critics, I am getting I am hitting you with some eighties references. You're cheaping it on tame like thank you. Next step the North Korean film industry. There he decided to take on the bloody legacy of Genghis Khan, but not the historic Gengis Khan.

You're thinking of Jenison Jengis Kon. No. No, they want to do the one inspired by John Wayne's version The Conqueror. That's the movie where John Wayne plays Genkison everyone got cancer And if you're wondering, well, Zaron, did he do that in Yellow Face? You damn Yeah. So the movie Racist Is All Hell was something that Kim Jong Ill loved and he's like, I want to rebote it. We gotta remote it. So they decided to reboot The Conqueror. So Chen tells the dictator, I know the perfect person

for this. If we're doing historical epic, we gotta get it on board. And he's like, oh okay, yeah, who who you got mined? And he's like, oh, I'm gonna go talk to him. He's an Austrian producer. I'll get a co production deal going. He starts working on the co production deal. The producer friend agrees to a co production deal with North Korea, which is pretty rare new at the time. Things are looking up for the North Korean film industry like maybe Polka. Sorry, he's finally giving

us a little bit of respect. But turns out that the whole Austrian co production deal, that's what we in the smoke blowing industry. It's like we call a lie. So it was just a cover for Shinn and you and he to finally escape smart yes, right, because Shin wrote in his memoir to be in Korea living a good life ourselves and enjoying movies while everyone else was not free was not happiness but agony. So he's like, I gotta get out of this. So he ties he's

gonna end the agony. I'm flying to Vienna, so and he hoped his bravery would catch up to him when he got there. So the date is March thirteenth, nineteen six. The ultracool couple arrives in Vienna. They check into a hotel there with their North Korean minders, the agents, intelligence agents, Shinn and you and he. They're chilling in the hotel room across the hall or other North Korea intelligent handlers. They're smoking with the door open, playing cards, you know,

playing poker or whatever. She and you he They look at each other decide this is our moment. So they start packing their bags. They pack like one piece of luggage each and they make a break for it. If you rush out of the room, they sneak down the hallway. Each of them told you carrying a small piece of luggage. Are trying to be super quiet. If they get caught, they'll lose everything, everything, their freedom, they're possibly their lives. He'll be sent back to a re education camp, maybe worse.

So they're like, we cannot blow this. And remember she said it has to be a guarantee. He's going for it. His bravery is caught up to him. They make it. They run for it down the hallway, they make it to the elevator, down to the lobby, and the elevator, they make it across the hotel lobby. Outside, they flag down a taxi cab. They may get inside of the cab, they shut the door. Elizabeth, at this point, I'd like

you to close your eyes, yes and picture it. You've been driving a cab in Austria for about two weeks now. You'd love to be able to get people where they want to go. You love to see the city. Vienna is a terribly beautiful city to walk through or to drive through. You really take into your new job as a Viennese cabby. You just love it. But there's one problem. You don't know your way around the city, like at all, like just at all, not yet got you got a

lot of maps, but whatever. So you're always telling your passengers to be patient with you. You're like, hey, I'm new in town. And sometimes they laugh, sometimes they do not laugh. So the door to your cab swam shut and you spot the two fresh passengers you just climbed to the back seat. It's a middle aged Korean couple, both well dressed. They look like movie stars. You turn on the meter and you ask in French, then in Austrian, German,

and finally in English, where are you headed? You're surprised when you hear the answer. The woman you and he she shouts at you just drive. You're like okay, Well, you think okay. You put your Mercedes Sedan taxi in to drive and you ease away from the curb. You gently pull away from the hotel's front door, and the man the back said, can you can you drive faster? You're like, sure, buddy, once you were on the street, you haven't noticed We're kind of in a driveway. Okay,

but you sit tight, Buttercup, don't you worry? And these ponies like to run. So at this point you check both your side mirrors, your rear view mirror for some reason, then your side of your mirrors again, just to be certain. Once you're satisfied it's safe, you ease your Mercedes Sedan taxicab out into traffic. Can you please drive faster now? The woman in the back asked you, and you're like, yeah, yeah, he's like, please drive faster. Like you guys were so cute.

You haven't even told me where we're going, but you're like, hey, can we speed to get there? So like, maybe you want to tell me where we're going. And you pull up to a red light and then you stop and you hum to yourself and you're looking in the rear view waiting for them to tell you where you're going, and you're like, well, do you guys have a radio station you want to hear do anything you like? They don't answer. You've you noticed that they have spun around.

They're looking behind you and traffic to see if anyone's following your car. You're like, I said, our favorite radio stations you guys like you like the tunes, You're like rock music. What do you want to hear? You're asking

and no answer. Again, You're these people are kind of rude anyway, light changes, so you get back to driving and your eaves dropping on your passengers there while they're just focused on the traffic behind you, and you hear the woman saying, there the cap, it's suspicious, right, you see it? And the guys like, tchwe she's like the black and white cap. There, it's them. They're following us.

They both spin back around and now you see that they're holding hands and trembling like autumn leaves in a stiff breeze. And you're like, oh my goodness. You ask him again, Hey, you guys know where you side? Where we're going? And the woman says, the US embassy, take us to the U. S Embassy. You tell her with a smile and your voice, oh, I'm only too happy to help the US embassy. Great idea. Oh that's a great choice. One thing, do you know where it is? Like?

Are you kidding with us? Is she kidding? What? What do the guys that go left? And you're like, okay, I don't know if that's it, but the light's about it change, so you're like, huh, but you remember you're being followed. They probably want you to make the light. So you hit the gas and you roar through the

intersection and you make it. You hug a tight right turn and you make it, and the taxi game behind you get stuck behind a bread truck, so they're stoked, and you're like saying, don't you guys worry so American embassy. I'm pretty sure I can find this embassy. And you're just bouncing along in your cap. You're like, but hey, please be patient with me. I'm new here, I'm new in town. Doesn't get a laugh. Again, doesn't get a laugh.

You're like, whatever, shinnon you and he they're just holding hands, shaking in the back seat, and you're like, I don't I'm not that scary of a driver. I don't know why they're just so tight, but whatever. They keep checking behind them, and you're like, no, US embassy. All that's right. All the nice hotels are by that big park. I'll go over there. So you're just driving over towards this one big park you know about where you think there's nice hotels. You keep your eyes on the road because

getting in an accident that sure wouldn't help Elizabeth. And always safety first, the Elizabeth Dutton Guarantee. So when you turn and you gently speed down a side road which parallels the main major boulevard, and you're headed to where you remember seeing a bunch of the big houses and hotels and flags, and you're like, I bet that's Embassy Row. So you're driving over there and you drive towards this green expanse of oh Stod Park. You see this signs.

You're like, oh, I know this is right. You drive past the fancy hotels, You're like, I think this is it. You're getting all excited. They're still super nervous. You're like, okay, make a high speed right turn, and you imagine to sneak through a yellow light. Make it. Finally, your taxi cab slides to us up fifty yards from the U. S. Embassy. You turned your passengers and tell them U. S. Embassy is the one with the American flags, I think, and

then they like, I am the worst just right over there. Hey, by the way, this rides on me. Looks like you kids could use some black huh. So they're like, okay, thanks, sorry, and they hop out of the car. You and he smiles. She's like, you drive better than Robert Mitchum and you're like, oh thanks. The man just waves and nods and they both run after this sumps. They closed the doors. They're running right, just fast as their feet hit pavement, and

they were like cartoon running right. You're like, oh man, it's like they're running as fast as Feon Apple moves again again. I'm I'm driving at home, baby. So they're run as fast as they can and towards the front gid of the U. S. Embassy. Forty yards left to go, thirty yards left to go, twenty yards left to go, ten yards left to go the goal line. There at

the goal I touched down. They make it. They make it across the line, Elizabeth, And you watched them go, and you say to yourself, I remember when I first ran to the U. S. Embassy. And then you drive away now being who they are, you and he and Shin they both compared their daring escape as you've noticed, to what they know best. You and he said, even though I ran fast like this, and she doesn't minds it. It felt like slow motion in a movie. Slow motion

was all I could think about. I love that she's like in a good Dard New way of French film, like making her escape. But you know this is all, by the way, a huge embarrassment to Kim Jong Ill, huge embarrassment. So what does he do? What does what does the little dictator do? The only thing he can do. He kills Paul Gasary. He takes the film out of the theaters, destroys the movie, takes all of their films out of any theater, doesn't allow their films never to

be shown again in North Korea. And this is his hope to erase their memory, right, but they're free. The movie Polo Sorry re emerges from the depths of cultural memory. There's this Japanese film critic who remembers it. He launches a one man campaign to kreem the film in Korea and South Korea so that he gets a copy of the North Korean Godzilla film and he and he starts showing it in South Korean theaters, multiple theaters, and the movie bombs at bombs a thousand, one thousand people paid

actual money to see it. One thousand people has now in two thousand one. An American company they tried the same stunt, and they're like, hey, we need to bring that Pulgasari over to American shores, maybe to be a hit like Godzilla. No theatrical release this time instead, there just like, what's you gonna go straight to videos? So then you go straight to video. There are VHS copies of this monster movie and ever since then, for the last twenty years or so, it occasionally pops up. You'll

see North Korean Godzilla in the wild. It's just out there in America, wandering in the dark. Pops up like in New York at a theater, maybe in l A, maybe done in Austin. It's been shown in Canada, over in Bristol in the UK. It pops up in places you would never expect. But if you're really curious, you can find it on YouTube. Just look up Paulgasari. Now, after making his Godzilla remake, John Ill went in a very different direction politics. He became the monster of North

Korea after his father died. But one of his last great acts, when he was still not quite the leader, he had this giant sign erected outside the Ministry of Culture that said make more cartoons. He decided movies were not it so killed his love of movies. So, Elizabeth, what is our ridiculous takeaway here? Oh? Man, I don't know. You know, something that I'm like still kind of hung up on is them escaping the hotel in Vienna and they packed bags. Why buy underpants? I assumed that it

was they had some tapes that they had recorded. So they have this bag of tapes that they need to get because they need to prove to people that they were abducted and they have secretly recorded him. They have records. They also have other documents, and then they're they're artists, so they have like mementos that they apparently wanted to keep of their time making movies. I don't know, I'm just imagining like a little like weekend bag and they're

shoving swim trunks in there. I'm like, there's no time from that. No. My takeaway, it's interesting how film has such a grasp on people that it's like such an incredible medium because you have the sound, you have the site and everything and all this emotion. It's like the most cathartic immediate thing aside from live theater. Right, But then but it pulls people in and completely see it was just intoxicating to them. It's amazing and intoxic is

the right word. Because like a like a film junkie, Kim Jong Il had to come back around to it, and in two thousand he had North Korea make another remake of a classic Western movie, this time Titanic. He's like, let's try one more time to see if we can get respect from the Western audiences. So he made a North three and Titanic, and I've watched some of it. It is horrendous. So that's my ridiculous take away. Thank

you for asking Elizabeth welcome, You're welcome. Well. You can find us online at Ridiculous Crime on both Twitter and Instagram. The words are on the bird, the images are on the Graham, and you get sneak peeks at new Epps on both emails. If you like Ridiculous Crime at gmail dot com, or just shout into the wind and maybe we'll hear it. Thanks for listening. Ridiculous Crime is hosted by Elizabeth Dutton and Zaron Burnett, produced and edited by

our man Inside the Raider Nation suit Dave Couston. Researches by j Low historian Rissa Brown and Ben Affleck, Truther Andrea Song Sharp and tier. Our theme song is by Dear bandleader Thomas Lee and Minister of the Groove Travis Dutton. Executive producers are Ben Gorilla, Porpois Bowland and No Guerrilla Dolphin Brown Say It One More Time. We Diculous Crew.

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