Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio Zaren Elizabeth.
So good to see you, to see you too. I'm good. How are you? How are you?
I'm fine, white ass.
How's your heart?
He's good, I'm fine. Good.
Listen, you know what's ridiculous?
I do? But you're asking?
Thank you?
All right? So I have this back and forth idea in my head like would it be fun to run down the aisle of a plane naked or not? You know? Cause I yeah, I say not. It was just like it's like a nightmare people have, right, like oh, I'm naked in my class or whatever. And I'm like, they imagine the freedom of knowing you've run naked at thirty
six thousand and fifty thousand feet. I mean that's just like I don't want to join the mile high club, but I would like to streak club, right whatever that is, Like I've streaked at fifty thousand feet?
Is fifty thousand?
These days a lot of plane gets up to fifty thousand foot? Yeah, But anyway, my point is some dude
in Australia went and did it. Oh he did, yeah, he went and he ran down the aisle of a plane, right and then he had to be tackled by other passengers and he was like, you know, bear is the day he was born and he was Australian, so like good eye on you, right, But at the same time, like it made me realize that my dream was a shallow, fleeting, silly thing, and that how terrible would be if I ever did something like I let alone, like the horror
other people are experiencing because they're not part of it. For me, I'm just like I want to I would be on the plane by myself. I don't really, it's not about they're not part of it. But he was like, they're very much part of it. They were like, we do not exclude us from this narrative, and then they like forced him down and then they forced the plane down. It's like a whole thing. Right. Imagine if you like missed like a wedding because like some jerk like me
decided to strip down and run up and down. It's like for what?
Man? For what?
So you'd be like, I'm a rebel, Well not.
Like that, but yeah, so is that ridiculous?
That is ridiculous? There you go, absolutely ridiculous. Let me know when you decide to do that.
No, I'm not going to now I've realized how silly my adolescent dream that I've thought about for since back then. I'm not like thinking about this last week.
Sure you know what else is ridiculous?
No, but I'm here to hear about it.
Bricks bricks.
This is ridiculous crime A podcast about absurd and outrageous capers, heists and cons. It's always ninety nine percent murder free and one hundred percent ridiculous. You damn right, that is, I am damn right. You know how much I love to mess up the pronunciation of French names and words. Yes, like I live for it, call it saren as much as I makes me feel alive.
You're very good at it, though, I think when you're good at something like that, you should be able to know.
I should I shouldn't hide my light under a.
Bushel, No, burn down that bushel.
Well, you know something is you like to say? Buckle up, Buttercup, I'm about to wreck shop.
Really.
Oh yeah, you have Toddler and a glass factory.
Zaren on an airplane. I have for you a Swindler, a magnificent one. A gal for the ages. Her name Terrace.
Umbert terrase Umbad.
It looks like a humber Yeah, teres English.
It doesn't look nearly as cool as it sounds in French.
She was born in a little town outside of Toulouse, France.
So Humbert Humbert's grandmother born outside.
Of in eighteen fifty six.
We're going back in totally.
Her dad was how do you say, unconventional, A real character. He fancied himself an alchemist.
Okay, I'm already on.
Which it is just fantastic. I don't mean enough people who introduce themselves as alchemist.
This is my husband. He's an alchemist.
I just don't run in like thenk. But it's definitely a way to support a family.
You're making gold, I mean you're literally making goals.
But he said he had a line on some real cash. Yeah. He would tell any and everyone about how he was descended from nobility. Okay, and oh, by the way, he had a hidden inheritance. Oh those are the best. Guess my favorite kind of inheritance, the hidden.
And overseas ideally, like maybe in a castle.
There's this book La Terras, The Greatest Scandal of the Century. It's by a woman named Hillary Spurling. Later, yes, take notes. So in it, she writes about how the neighbors would see him running through their fields during thunderstorms, I guess as part of his alchemy. And he'd be like carrying a wand and yelling about how he could control the weather, because you know, that's totally a thing, like you can't. People can and do control the weather for years and
earth israt and I never paid attention in school. I do my own research, Sarah. So when he wasn't out there making it rain, he was regaling folks with the stories that he had about his you know, secret nobility.
I think he was also be able to find water.
It's like that was Terrace's married name, her maiden name, Ornyak. So her dad was like, my last name isn't really.
Ornyak, Oh, throw a curve ball in this.
It's Dorinak, like the apostrophe of the or of the rather than just it. It makes a difference.
Totally mean he's landed right, Yeah, so he would.
He would also confess that while he lived in that cottage over there, that wasn't really his house. No, he lived in a castle not too far from where they were.
You just can't see it. From you.
I can't see it. And he said, well, I got into it with my parents and they threw me out, but they like put a caveat on it. So his parents said, when when you finally die, which is like, yeah, any kids that you have are going to inherit everything.
Oh, they're just like, we're skipping you. Yeah, you've been written out exactly right.
And so the kids, they're going to get the chateau like super fancy want of fun, doesn't it cold? I feel like it's toss a lot to heat his chateau. I think about these things.
You should own one.
And I should visit exactly uh. And then they're not only the titles and the chateau. Money's aron So that's such fun too. Yeah. I like that.
This is all good fun stuff so far.
So these are the wild fortunes of the dying Yack, and it's like, you're doing great, by the way, thank you so much. So to prove this to people, he'd show everyone this locked chest that he had in the house class and that was proof of the story, because all the documentation necessary to replace the family to their former and intended glory, it was all in the chest. The chest could only be opened upon his death.
He slapped the top of it, you know, me family secret.
His baby's holding untold wealth paper for Miles oh Man.
And it will only be opened by his death, like his death, like unlock some cosmic seal.
The light comes out until then, while he's still walking this earth. It's just something to be admired, you know. It's a symbol of wonderful things.
To enjoy it for what it is exactly.
And now Terrace, she believed all of this, well, Dad, she borrowed her friend's jewelry, like all these people that she knew, and she'd put it all on at once and like sworn around and pretend to be like preparing to be rich.
Now when you say borrowed, do they know she's borrowing? It is the actual bar.
Everybody pool your stuff.
And let her do your royalty.
Thing necklaces and I'll put it on and I'll just this is what it's going to feel like.
Don't I look great? Guys?
Yeah? And then her dad died. Oh look at that January. Oh we all got to go sometimes. He went eighteen seventy four.
Great time to go for her.
She's eighteen years old.
Perfect, Look at that legal, and now it.
Was time she would get her rightful inheritance and bid her simple life goodbye.
I bet she's practiced this moment.
Yeah, so the time came to open the chest. Yes, fuild the treasure, the will and testaments and documents and the parchments and such. Everyone gathers to open it. They find that it contains just one thing, a brick, just a brick.
Just one break a brick, just to give it some way, to give it some hef is it even tape down so it doesn't slap.
Around rattling around this She is humiliated. So like, not only was everything a lie and she's not some like comtesses, but now she had to get a job.
And the hell out of town because everybody knows her and she's.
Got three younger siblings to take care of. So she got a job as a washer woman. She got hired by her half aunt.
Oh, I guess only better than not doing leather tanning.
Yeah, so I'm guessing that her half aunt would be her dad's half sister.
I'm not taking a guess on this, I trust you, though, But.
This lady, the half aunt or just half a person, like she's just from the waist up, half woman, half aunt, like bisected from the oh that way, yeah, so like you like, and she puts like.
You see her from one side.
She looks like flexiglass, so you can see the brain and the organs.
You did go to a veterinary school, I could you just jumped out? I was like, you went to a veterinary college. No, I really got a glass and you can see inside. You jumped out, but you can't hide it now.
I went to weather controlling. So anyway, so the half aunt just a half person. She was married even though she was he was into it.
Hopefully she was one and a half people, just a balance.
Leg bouncing around, but plexiglass. Anyway, it was like the it was like the November rain video exactly, you know. Okay, So anyway, she's married to this guy, Gustave Umbert, the mayor of Toulouse. Right, he's a big timer.
Yeah sure, why not.
So while she's like washing their toonies, she meets their son like Umbert yeah Frederick. So if you do the math, you see that this is her cousin. She was like super supportive of him. She meets him like midw washing, like oh hey, what's up She just gassed him up and fed his ego. And she told him reach for the stars because you'll get there and you're an awesome guy. Yeah, baby, Like she rubs his shoulders, He's like yeah. And so while she's making him.
He's like George W. Bush, like harassing angela merkle at a world.
So she's making him feel great about himself.
That's important, but.
She also made him feel great about her. That's also important, telling him about how she had been so helpful to this old lady named Madame de Mariotte.
Madame, I make it sound worse. I made you're good horrible.
So Madame de Mariotte, she'd taken a shine to terrace and as thanks for her kindness, bequeathed her a chateau.
Oh not a second brick, maybe some.
More chateau, this large estate, massive fortune. So he was so nice.
Wait a minute, how nice? Was like Howard Hughes, like, this guy helped me one time, and I'm giving a million.
So nice. She's nice to Frederick. She's like, let me rub your shoulders.
Exactly. I remember, so awesome. I saw it.
I did this to some lady and she was, thank you.
So much, touching everything on own.
This this estate is bigger than anyone could ever imagine. It's like infinity.
She doesn't have any like family around to protect her from this charlatan.
Well it's apparently not. So she's telling him this like while she's rubbing his toes, and she's like, you know, it's really like, Oh, it's not a big deal. I mean I never tell anyone this. Let's just keep it between us.
Oh, this is just a story she's telling, just homie. Yes, okay, so she.
Tells them when I turned twenty one, it's all going to be mine.
Like she's gone back to her original story.
This is the best trust fun ever and since it really didn't matter to her, and since Frederick was such a radical, battical dude, she planned to just give it to him when she got it. Half daddy, Yeah, she's totally turning him out. So anyway, Frederick was maybe not the sharpest tool in the chateau shed. He bought the whole story, like paid for it too. Basically, he's like, so you're super nice to everybody. This lady's going to give you the biggest fortune ever, and you just want
me to have it because I'm amazing. You're right, I'm amazing.
He's like, I could say, that's all makes sense. Yes, you seem charming all I'm doe total sense.
So of course this woman he didn't know well, but also happened to be his cousin who was washing his family's closed down up creek really about to be super rich. As a measure of thanks for this, he proposed to her and asked for her hand in marriage.
You have a really interesting way of telling these people's motivations, so.
He wanted to lock this in before she changes. And, as you can probably guess, his dad, the mayor, was not about it.
He said no, no, no, He's like, there is no shut.
Did you don't you remember what happened to her crazy dad?
Remember when that guy tried to sell you the magic beans.
He's like, but we control the weather, dad, so no worries. They ran off to Paris, and it looked that no one understood their love and her bank account.
Could you imagine being the father of this boy I just don't even know. Eighteen nineteen years in my life dedicated to this idiot.
Yeah, he's like my wife, half a woman, my son half a brain. So but things worked out for them in Paris. Oh, fred took the bar, became a lawyer.
Of course, why not? Sure, he seems real sharp.
They lived this lovely, quiet life, and Freddie soon realized, I don't think there is a Madame de Mariotte. No, I just don't.
The lawyer figured this out on his own.
I don't think there's a chateau. There's no inheritance. But you know what, by this time, too late loved her.
He's like, soul, I love my lying wife.
Yeah. So, and he had a good job, and like they don't.
Need the money. They live in Paris. I don't think she could give up crime.
She's like, you know, my wife, like she's prone to flights of fancy, goofy dad, you know if she tells a tall tale, so beet, Yeah, all the more charming. But then she came to him with a proposition. She's like, remember remember how he met, and remember how you totally fell from my story about the chateau and all that. How about we try that on someone else.
Why.
She's like, let's take you from victim to accomplish. Let's move let's move you up the ranks. So he's like, we could use a fake chateau. Let's call it the Chateau de Mark cooked my God, as collateral for a bank loan. Let's do that, and then we can use that loan to move into an actual chateau. Like, let's get that castle life going. Frederick, not realizing that she was kind of insulting his intelligence, decided to go with it because he wanted a chateau one way or the other.
I'm worried about this boy.
Well before long, mister and missus Frederic Umbert or monsieur and Madame Frederic Umbert, you say so, sure, they moved into an actual castle of their own.
I'm happy for them, and that lifted up.
They wore the best clothes, the aid at all the best restaurants. They had like primo seats in the theater, all on credit.
I hope their castle has a mote.
You want to know what's more important than throwing away money at a strip club? What is credit?
It is?
So now, when you're getting credit based on badass chateau, it's only natural for the creditors to want to see this chateau, especially because like no one had ever heard of it.
You kind of want a certified assets.
It was supposed to be. Like in the southwest of France, like to Lose. There was one contractor who was owed money by them, and he's out on vacation near where the chateau is supposed to be. So he asks all over, no one's.
Heard of it.
So word starts to spread among the bankers and the shopkeepers and such who had loan money and like sold goods on credit. They're going to the cops. They're like they want to press criminal charges because they realized there's no chateau. So Frederick, he's making good money, but not chateau money, Like he couldn't pay everything back. So he goes to his dad. He had moved on from being the mayor of to Lose and at this point he's
the Minister of Justice for the whole country. What Yeah, So fred tells his dad everything, all the parts of the cons and his dad, who's this like rising star. He doesn't want to be disgraced, and you know.
A bunch Yeah, everyone realize he has a failed son.
He was an idiot, like he paid off the debt. Yeah, and that way they avoid arrest, bills get paid.
Remember I was saying about being the father of the son.
Exactly, but terrase. She noticed something, just a little bit of money seemed to calm the creditors down, and when they saw their accounts paid off, they offered more loans. What yeah, funny, though, let's do that again. Was she reckoned? Like if she and her husband can come up with another story and made the creditors anticipate a payday at some point, they might as well give it a shot round two.
Wow.
So she starts spreading a rumor that she has received a crazy inheritance and it was totally unexpected, unusual, and you know remember how she got Frederick initially like, oh I'm so kind. Well one more time she told people that. A couple years back in eighteen seventy nine, she was riding on the centur Railway, small railway that kind of ran a circle around the city of Parish. Cool, just minding her own Suddenly she hears groans from the next compartment.
She's like, hubb hub, No more like nine one one, what's your emergency? So she tried the door and it was locked. She goes out the window of the train on her in her compartment and like Shimmy's along the outside of the train. Tom cruise style.
Does she telling this story? Are you telling me the story?
Telling the story? I'm not making this. This is what she told people. And then she popped in the window of the neighboring compartment and found a man there having a heart attack, and like, she always carried a defibrillator on her, so she started compression. Except the pads knows Zarin, that is historically a nachronus. She revived the man with some smelling salts that she carried on her, which leads me to believe that he was not actually having a heart attack.
Yeah, I don't think yes.
And of course this is if you believe he exists in the first place.
That was where I was at.
Yeah. So, according to her story, the man came to introduced himself. He's like, hello, I am handsome American millionaire Robert Henry Crawford. I cannot thank you enough for saving my life. I'd like to reward you at some point in the future, and I will do so in a convoluted manner. And so she told people like she's like, guess what this is now that she's ready to do another con Hey, everybody, I just got a letter from
the USA. Would you look at that. And this letter said that Crawford had died and made her a beneficiary of.
His will, this young man.
There are stipulations in the well, of course. So the main thing is that Teres and her husband must look after the family fortune. And what's wild is that the family fortune is kept in a sealed safe. No, this one could have It wasn't to be opened upon anyone's death.
He already died.
Yeah, this one could only be cracked open once Teresa's younger sister, Marie was old enough to marry Henry Crawford, one of Crawford's nephews. Yeah, this is big.
It sounds like old, like Middle Ages style.
Are she's digging in She's like Chateau tal So it's so crazy that she has another secret inheritance that has to be kept in the sealed safe, like what.
Are the chances?
Well, and she wasn't going to let this spectacle go unspectacled, So she has this heavily publicized event. She installs a fireproof safe in her bedroom, hires a magistrate to act as a notary. She made this huge show of putting the documents and securities in the safe, just making sure that She and the notary were the only ones there for that.
Like parchment and calligraphy.
She sealed the safe with hot wax and then promised it would not be open until her sister's twenty.
First Birthdayssive stage Craft.
Let's take a break, please, I need to go check on my safe. When we return, we'll continue with the adventures of Teray Soumbert, Queen of the Phony inheritances Zarin.
Well, that's my government name. But yes, yeah, I'd like you to call me Dizzy for the rest of the show.
You got it. What did I want to be called Dizzy? And tiger?
Tiger?
Yeah, well I'm not feeling that one. Yeah, anyway, thank you, So we have let's go back to my story. Yes, we have the precious documents in the safe.
Wax sealed.
Oh yeah, wax sealed, all the dim bulbs handing out money. Saw this as the perfect green light for giving her her husband even more dough. I mean they had a will in their Zarin, Robert Henry Crawford handsome, too handsome. So let's talk for a moment about what was in the safe. There's the initial letter. This is what she says is the initial letter from American millionaire Robert Henry Crawford. There's the will that said her sister had to marry
Crawford's nephew in order for Terrace to collect. Yes, but she spread rumors of another will. This one left everything to Terrace's younger sister in Crawford's to American nephews.
So if she married, she started rumors of this guy had a better will.
Yeah, And then Teresa was like, oh, but there's a third document, And in that one, the two Crawford nephews agreed to give their uncle's fortune to Terrace while the dispute over the competing wills was being resolved. So she's just creating drama on whitless pointless drama. Oh and ps, there's a deed up in there. And in that, the Crawford boys agreed to waive their claim to their uncle's vast fortune in return for a payoff of six million francs and the promise that one of them would be
allowed to wed Terrase's younger sister. Okay, the sister must be a real looker. Oh yeah, maybe not so much.
So.
But they're begging, like, please please let me marry your sister.
Yes, she seems like your family, I really want to go too.
So Terrace used her story to get a huge loan, and she told her bankers that if they lent her six million francs, she'd cut the Crawford nephews out of the will.
Oh my goodness.
Then the whole hundred million francs would be hers and she'd pay everyone back with like major interests.
And the bankers are like, I know a guy who does wet work.
The bakers are like, well that sounds on the up and up. Perfect love to do.
This profit profit profits.
So you know, Teresa, her husband, they got this newfound supply of cash. They bought a big, fancy new house. She turned it into this destination for socialites. She threw grand parties with like high level guests, like political figures, nobility, like high business people, entertainers. She bought a newspaper and had her friend run it. This guy our main cas.
Was just like a really big like.
Paper. And her friend was this radical muckraker and her father in law, the former mayor. No, you know, he was a progressive. So she used the paper to campaign to have him elected to French parliament. Wow. And so she she bought this like really hard to get box at the opera that there's this long waiting list, and she jumped to the front everything. And then she became like a big benefactor to the opera. So she and Frederick they lived in luxury for like two days acades.
Are you king dead serious? They spent the money that they had on these this high life, the parties and the opulence. They had toilet brushes with pink satin bows on them. The banks are just waving like that's the that's too much.
They're waiting for the daughter to come of age. They're timing their part.
There's always stalling it, always stalling it. She's got all these stalls. They had a maid who would polish the safe once a week. They expanded their housing to three country chateaus, and then they threw in a yacht for good measure. So many parties there in fashion terrase loved hats, but not like normal ones. She liked like beach blanket, Babylon hats, like the big hats, crazy feathers, bake fruit. She had one that looked like an oversized leech was sucking her head.
That's what she wanted.
Yeah, She's like give me leech, but make it fash. Yeah, it's fashion sweaty. So so one of her creditors that was like me suspicious and impatiently those are my two most prominent traits. Yes, this dude, di Latte.
Also, you're a really good dancer, and.
I'm a super good dancer. I'm a triple threat, impatient, suspicious. So de Latte, right, he wants his money and he wants it now, and things aren't adding up. So one day he just is like casually asked talking to Terrace and he's like, so, where does Henry Crawford live? And I'm, you know, just wondering, just make a conversation, small talks, and she's like, oh, he lives in Summerville, which is this tony Boston suburb. That makes sense, you know, Okay,
but he didn't buy it. So he quietly made his way to Marseille and took the first available boat to the United States.
He's like, take me to Somerville.
Oh yeah, he wanted to meet this Crawford guy confirmed the story Zarin. He was shipping up to Boston. So he gets to Boston, starts asking around heads to Somerville. No one's ever heard of Henry Crawford. He tries the city of right exactly. He tries the city, goes to all these other suburbs, nothing, never heard of them. So he's like, hmm, scratches his chin. He hired private investigators
and like, maybe the Frenchman just isn't well understood. You know, we get some Americans on this, so Pi's they come up empty. In fact, they can't find a millionaire named Henry Crawford anywhere in the whole entire country. So Delat he's heated, like he I knew it. He immediately writes to a friend in Paris. He's like, hey, Pow, I'm in Boston. The Baked beans are to die for. But most importantly to race Umber is a big faker and I'm on my way back asap. And when I get there,
I'm gonna blow up her life. PS go, Pats, I just said that last part to you. Take you and Dave.
Yeah, see how we're trying both silently to just get past that.
So lat He goes to New York to set sail, but he never made it to the ship. His body was found in the East River. Wow, yeah, this isn't one percent, because no one knows what happened to him, and I don't think Terrace's reach was that far.
Did he telegraph the message?
Yeah, so phew. I don't know put on a boat. I don't know what happened.
Yeah, I don't know how it got there.
Let's just I'll be frank. I'll be honest with.
You, man.
I have no idea. None of us were there, Carrier Pelican, I don't know. So uh plan to expose Terrace died with de Latte In eighteen ninety three, she starts up this insurance company called Villager and this means life annuity, and so she set it all up in a fancy office building. She promoted it with this like crazy huge prospectus that used unauthorized pictures of the President of South Africa and the Pope on it. They looking for it. I like the cut of his jip. Put him in there,
nice hat. She didn't bring in the big money makers for this though. Instead she pulled in peasants and small business owners scam as old as crime, and it worked. She offered huge returns from these small investments, and she paid out pretty quickly and didn't put people through like endless paperwork and all of this, of course unsecured, so it's this classic ponzi skin. She took in more than
forty million francs with this, that's nice. Yeah, small bits she paid off to old investors while the rest went into her bank account. From there, she and her husband just paid off their creditors. So this is how they were kept it going for twenty years. They still had money issues. Like one time a bailiff came over like to collect for a creditor, and terrase, she caused a scene and threw her pearl necklace on the floor and everyone, all these servants start scurrying around, and the bailiff to
pick up the pearls and like calm her down. And then the clock in the parlor starts to chime five pm, and she just like super cold blooded, turns to the bailiff and is like, it's five o'clock. Your writ has expired. Get out of here, and has someone show him out because it only went until five pm.
Oh wow.
Yeah. So then like when creditors did to get nervous, then like Terrace would trot out the Crawford nephews and so someone claiming to be one of the nephews, like Huey, Dewey or Oude and then would say, oh, you know what, like I hear you have this debt, I want to buy it from you, and you know, because those chits too valuable to pass up, and I want to ruin
that beautiful and charming Terrace is their damn rize. And so the creditor is like, maybe this debt's too good to let go of, and I think I might have a huge payday coming, so he'd hold off in quiet down demanded okay. So Terrace it all going by like continuing to borrow huge sums of money, you got to look like you're making money moves. And she figured the inheritance issue was so convoluted that it would be tied
up in court and stall things even further. So she's stalling and bringing in more money, but people are at least starting to get officially suspicious. Renee waldeck Rousseau was this distinguished lawyer politician, so he started trying to chase down debt for creditors, and one of them was his own son in law. Started Yeah, so he wanted to RaSE taken down, and to do so, he teamed up
with the editor of the newspaper La Mataine. Right in eighteen eighty three, the paper published an article that was really just like attacking to Race, and they wanted to be balanced in their reporting, so they let her father in law, the Minister of Justice, chime in.
Mister Justice, and.
He totally supported all of her crazy tales. He's like, yep, it's on the up and up. But this official with the Bank of France, Jules Bezat, he didn't buy it one bit. So he asked Terrace where her annuity company was investing all the premiums its clients were paying, and she was like, it's all in treasury bonds. He's like cool, cool, cool, So then he goes to the Treasury. He's like quick question and they look, there are no records of that
business buying any bonds. So he wanted to dig more, but he's nervous, not that he'd end up in the East River. The problem was that there were so many creditors that the debt was more than was supposed to be in the will. Okay, yeah, and if someone called in their loan it would collapse everything, taking banks and investment firms too big to fail. But it had to be called in sometime, and one brave banker decided to pull the plug on the money. He wanted the safe opened,
and he took it to court. Zaron, Let's take a break when we come back to court. Yes, Zaren, Yes, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
I was told I was going to court, but I wasn't on trial.
Yeah, you are on trial. This is the trial of Zaren Burnett. Okay, so we're in court. One banker, yes, has been enough enough pull the plug. So all I have to say to you, Zarin, is closure. I want you to picture it. It's nineteen oh one. You are a court clerk in Paris, and the judge for whom you work has been assigned to the terrees Umbert case. You are thrilled because you love a good gossipy case.
This will not be boring. You know that you're wearing your best beret for today and carrying your favorite baguette in a paper bag. Today. The plaintiff's attorney has called the two Crawford nephews to testify, Ol Henry and Robert. Henry takes the stand and prepares himself for question. Please state your name. The attorney asks in French. Henry responds, but in English, Well, howdy, partner, I am an American man, and my name is Henry Crawford from the America, I
mean from America. Everyone in the gallery starts to snicker. This American accent is almost as bad as Elizabeth's French accent. Who's Elizabeth? You wonder? It's a fleeting moment, but you're confused, must be the heat. Henry says he doesn't recall to a bunch of questions, and then is dismissed. Robert takes the stand. Monsieur palonse, Uh, I mean no. Robert looks around the courtroom, clears his throat, and blushes. The gallery laughs. The attorney asks in French, and how are you acquainted
with the defendant? Robert responds in halting clumsy English. Uh, my uncle met her on the train while on Comodton vacation. He likes, how do you say cucumber? The court rrupts in laughter. The judge bangs his gable, and Robert is dismissed. Now for Terrace, The attorney asks her about the nephews. Where do they live? Therees replies, uh, thirteen oh two Broadway. No, city, no state, just the most generic American sounding address other
than one two three Main Street. Possible groans, laughs, fill the room. The judge bangs his gable calls for a recess. You weren't disappointed? This one is entertaining, so zaren It turns out that the crawford Us were actually Terrace's brothers.
What what?
And they didn't do American accents very well, worse than our accents, worse than hours. It's like in the reporting of the time, is how bad the accents were. After this, the trial goes on for a really long time, and then the judge rules, you know what, pop that safe? Really, pop them college, pop them college. And there was almost a problem with that. On May seventh, nineteen oh two, there was a fire at Teresa's place. No, but remember the safe is fireproof.
That can I guess what burns?
Go ahead?
No, I don't want you tell me.
The whole thing is terribly upsetting for Terrace. She doesn't she doesn't know what's burned. Whole house has gone up. Oh you know, she's like it was so upsetting that she had to run. She went off to one of her three country homes to me out of here.
She has to convalesce.
Yeah, but the safe fireproof, so it survived, one would think, I think the wax melted filling. Well. So two days later the government seized the safe and decided to open it in public workers. They haul the like charred safe out into the street. They don't have a key. Race, isn't there.
This is the original al Capone's vault. We're going to break, Yeah, So.
They they pulled out sledgehammers and crowbars and axes like that'll open her up. And it took an hour to bust the thing open, which is not very long I would think for a safe, like if you really doing it. Yeah. Meanwhile, a crowd had developed naturally.
Yeah, they didn't have anything else for entertainment.
When I say crowd, I mean ten thousand people.
Where were they standing?
That was exactly my question. I'm trying to imagine this scene on like a really fancy residential street wherever, and there's.
Kind of like heared standing seats.
Yeah, they're in front of a charred, burned out shell of a house. They've dragged this into the road and ten thousand maniacs are gathered around.
Are they just doing laps around the house?
Taking turns peak and they jump and peek over. It's like, okay, so it stacks out and you've got people like maybe standing on front step. Sure, yeah, how many blocks out? Does that go to pay ten? Do you think they were exaggerating.
I'm getting the idea a little bit.
I'm thinking so so exaggerating up. Oh, there's really fifty thousand. They're like they're all on the rooftops. So there's ten thousand people, right, and there's like guys selling inflatable aliens and like those light up necklaces. Yeah, carts selling sonor and hot dogs roll up. It's the works. They're going all out, so with great drama. The door to the safe creaks open. I can tell you the contents did not include a couple of letters and two wheels? What there were no game boy?
Wait? Would you reach me your favorite take a picture of my face, because I'd like to see what I look like when I'm surprised, just stunt shot.
You know what else wasn't in there? Pats tickets? Yeah, so I can't tell you what what was it?
Who got the tickets?
I don't know. I think they died with delut. Okay, so here's what was in the There are three things, an Italian coin, one one, a trouser button, and a brick, a callback with the brick like nicely done. So now the shot is out of the bag. And it made a mess of the French economy. So some of the people that she scammed were like the safe deposit box owners, and they didn't say anything because they didn't want to be made a fool of well, and it's like, story
is so ridiculous. So the French press, though, got a hold of the lists of the men and the women who'd been duped to their fortune and just started running printed names. And this included Empress Eugenie who's in exile, the son of the president, and like all these like non influential small investors. So she's taking like.
Talk to me, like we're talking like a Napoleonic princess in exile.
And so you know who got caught up in all of this. It's just a side note. Alri Matisse, the painter, his in laws, the Pereres. Madame Pereire was Teres's housekeeper, and authorities thought that like she and her husband were somehow in on this, and somehow Terrace would bring in the housekeeper and.
Maybe that's like a cultural bias, like the type of person.
Perhaps. Yeah, and so they arrested Monsieur Pereire and then they even searched Matissa's studio. He got oh yeah, he gets pulled into the I love.
How he's like famous artists get pulled in. We have Picasso get pulled in.
I feel for them.
Round up the French artists.
Uh.
The family becomes total scapegoats. And like because Terrace like she's.
Not around right, yeah, she's at the country home.
Everyone's just directing their anger at the parade man.
That's left literally holding the bag of no sense.
It's like, why are you attacking the workers instead of the fat cat?
But whatever, the violently rich one.
Yeah. So uh, Monsieur Pereire he goes on a hunger strike in protest, and he didn't have a lawyer, so Matisse represented him.
I am so confused by this and.
Was supporting the whole family.
It's just because he could read. Is there some benefit to having him do this.
It's just a good dude. I don't know. But then okay, so you're saying.
You got like Matisa in like the courtroom, painting your defense.
And he like, look at that.
Everything's picture the whole event.
Everyone stands back and just kind of stares. You know, he's just painting. That's a great defense though, So he's just paying people off the paintings. So you know, we're talking about like Terrace is. She had like a country. She and her family fled to Spain. She got out out wow. Yeah, and they got arrested in Madrid December of nineteen oh two, dragged back to Paris to be tried.
Yeah.
A lot of information about the creditors and the delicate nature of the French banking system because of Terrace came to light in the trial, and she just kept saying that she's innocent, she didn't do anything wrong. She did admit like, okay, fine, there's no Henry Crawford, you know, handsome America. Fine, but she said, okay, so there's no Henry Crawford, but there is an inheritance.
Did anyone go praying that?
Everyone? Oh God? So she's like, all right, it actually came from Marshall Bazaine.
Okay.
So he's the one who surrendered to Prussia at the Siege of Metz and he was tried for treason because here he gives it all up.
Sure, this is like, why would she want to claim him? Take on?
So this is out. He has this long and storied military career, He gets sentenced to death, escapes to Spain, and he died like a dozen years before this all goes down with Terrace. So Terrace is like, look, Bazaine, he got four million pounds from Prussia for his betrayal, Like he sold out our country for that, and then somehow I ended up with that money. But I wouldn't have taken it if I knew where it came from.
And she's like, in fact, when I found out it was dirty Prussian cash, an enemy bribe, it burned it while singing La Marseilles totally.
Now do you think that that she actually was doing, like maybe money laundering for him? And that's where she came up the story target. She just picked somebody who everyone knew was had money and is dead and everyone story.
She's like, who do you hate? I got someone you hate more than that.
You know who ruined your house? Got Zilla? Not me? Okay, I got it.
So she said that that's why the safe was empty. She's like, I burned the cash because I'm a patriot.
Dang it, I did it for you. What did you do for?
French judge? Though? What does the judge say to this quote? But it does not explain ziblick?
Madame, good point.
You know I love a callback. Here's the brick. So the trial went on for six weeks. Terrace was found guilty, sentenced to five years of solitary confinement with hard labor. Uh. Frederick got the same deal. Her brothers, the fake Crawford nephews, they got two and three years, respectively. I'm not sure who got what, but whatever, I don't know who cares. I honestly just don't care. Her sister Marie and her daughter Eve, and then her deceased father in law that just disminister.
Yeah.
Well, they're all labeled as victims instead of conspiratorsy.
Oh for real, I thought they were all going to be left. Hold.
Marie was just a pawn in this, Like she's being offered to marry off to these invisible men. She can't probably can't marry anyone else because of it. Yeah. So most people think that when she got out, she moved to the United States, Chicago to be specific, would be a good place for her. Yeah, and they say that she passed away in nineteen eighteen. But there's absolutely no paperwork to back this up.
But there was a war going on.
A list there was come on be Sensitive a prosecutor who went to Madrid to take her back to Paris. He wrote in a paper that quote Terrees Umbert is still living poorly in Paris. She has lost her miraculous vitality. What a reverse of fortune. Her golden past has left her. She is a quite humble old lady who never speaks to anyone. So he's like, she didn't make it to Chicago. She's a loser. Keep Hayton on her, because she's alive and a lose.
I'll tell you where she is if you got a rotten tomato you want to toss.
Here's the thing though, the article had two pictures in it. Really yeah. In one there's like it's a door to a house in Paris, and the caption here Boulevard de Butino lives today she who was lagran Terrees. So here's her.
House house, here's the street. Yeah, you can find it.
The second picture is like the same outside of the house and like with a window, and it has the caption behind these windows with white curtains. Terrees Sumbert meditates on her past, so like all right, boys, roll on out. Frederick he died in nineteen thirty six, and in all of his records he's not listed as a widower.
Really got married.
I think she's still alive today. So that author of LaGrand Terrees, Hillary Sperling, this is what she had to say about Teresa's legacy. If she had chosen books instead of real life as the medium for her romantic fictions about missing deeds, locked coffers, surprise legacies, and long lost parents, she would have been a nineteenth century bestseller totally. I love that, Zara. That's your ridiculous takeaway.
Thank you for asking. Elizabeth. It's very nicey, very dear, very sweet.
I you know, I am so nice to so many people, and as.
A result, you have all those fortunes, last.
Secret fortunes that I can't I don't like to tell people about her nickname.
I don't know if this is a nickname she was used, but the book The grom Teresa, Yeah, I like that because Terry the Great Teresa sounds like like a magician, like a you know, like an eleven year old girl, who's a magician. It's the great Teresa. Like in the backyard, you got a handmade sign painted exactly I like it. Her sister painted it for her, who's also her assistant, who's getting cut in half? You get it? The greater there?
It is, all came together.
Call back, You're welcome. What heres Elizabeth?
My takeaway is that I got to start really working on my can game because it looks so easy.
Dude, there's so much money we're just leaving out there. It's just just seeing my weight in pockets that want to be in ours.
Because I love to tell outlandish tales, why not get paid for it?
Totally? I mean you kind of do well.
Kind of uh Dave, I need to talk back?
Got one here?
Oh my god?
Did s I l cheat?
Hello?
Is there? And Elizabeth?
First, I want to thank you for giving me some of the most ridiculous did you know? Facts to share at parties and gatherings. It keeps my invitation list low. And second, while I'm here, I'd like to confess to a ridiculous crime. My father is a pediatrician, and all through school I made a fair amount of money selling doctor's notes, and as I grew up in a very small town. I had to learn to become a signature forger as well, so that no one would know they
weren't from him. I'm not giving my name as I remain unidentified by any interested authorities. Love the show, Keep up the good work.
I love that. And it's not scripts just doing doctors no.
Yeah, for like missing school, I'm assuming you can't do.
That's genius. And she's doing the lord's work.
Oh that's great. I used to have to go to doctors offices and steal those pads for myself, and she's just like doing it one at a time. So much better, so much smarter, so good.
That's it for today. You can find us online at ridiculous crime dot com. We're also at Ridiculous Crime on both Twitter and Instagram. You can email ridiculous Crime at gmail dot com. Leave it talk back on the iHeart app. Oh, I think we will probably have new merch or we do have y Yeah, there's like just going to be a.
Merch lands to check the website and that's it.
Reach out. Ridiculous Crime is hosted by Elizabeth Dutton and Zaren Burnett, produced and edited by rich American uncle Dave Cousten, starring annals Rucker as Judith. Research is by Beleaguered Locksmith's Marissa Brown and Andrea Song Sharpened Tear. The theme song is by Thomas Lee Crawford and Travis Dutton Crawford, both of Somerville, Massachusetts. Host wardrobe is provided by Botany five hundred,
guest Haron, makeup by Sparkleshot and mister Andre. Executive producers are Chateau salesman Ben Bolan, an American accent coach, Noel Brown.
G Dicks Quime Say It One More Time, Geequeusquin.
Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio four more podcasts. My heart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows,