A Dish Best Served in Antarctica

come up with the career you want. I'm like, okay, this is the job I see for me. No, Honestly, in the Middle Ages, people would gaze at their cheese and they would try to spy the future in the cheddar like it was a crystal ball, like I saw to god. They would do this. But now you may be imagining, like, well, zeron, what do you mean they

would stare at their cheese like just on their plate. No, they would go to like specialists, or they themselves would do little ritualistic things like oh, I'm going to write the names of all my bows on some cheese, and whichever piece molds first is the one I'm supposed to be with interesting middle aged maidens would do. Yeah. Yeah, it's letting the elements present themselves as And alsolet me

think about it. If you're going to be like picking a man, what better way than where growth occurs long as the mold. Like, it's like, this is going to be the con future that I expect now. Anyway, I thought using a growth of mold defined a husband was just brilliant. And that's how I want to be a tyrom aanswer so I can help the love Lauren too, Well, go get yourself a brick of cheese. It's one of the cheapest futures I can imagine for yourselves. Really, is

that is ridiculous? Well done? You know what else is ridiculous? No, I don't getting harassed by a coworker at fifty below zero. Oh god, this is ridiculous. Crime A podcast about absurd and outrageous capers, heists, cons it's always murder free and one ridiculous. Oh you damn right, Saren, do you like cold weather? That's like asking a Floridian if they like rational thoughts. No, obviously you don't. I live in California

in Oakland I hate cold weather. The only way I want to be cold is if I'm dipped in the Pacific and I'm about to be standing on a board. That's the way I want to be cold. Other than that, the payoff is never worth it. Now I don't I don't really mind the cold, but like for extended periods of time, it gets to me like, what do you mean, like if you're there for like months, Well, and it's more like I don't. I don't like cold and damp. I've never lived anywhere where it's really really cold. You

lived in Scotland, Yeah it was cold and damp. It wasn't like below zero, just the freezing versus cold. Yeah, it just hovered around the freezing point but was damp and so you just felt it like in your bones. I don't have those distinctions of cold for me. Starts at and everything below that is freezing. Well, when I was a college English instructor, I liked teaching Jack London's

to build a fire. Oh yeah, I would do that when it was super hot outside, because you know, it makes you feel cold and volah blah blah cold it down and the summertime, I didn't want to teach it in the spring semester that started in January, because then, you know it's cold outside. I guess it would get somewhat cold in the south, and definitely at least when I was a boy. Relative for me, you know, people

up in like Minnesota are going to just scoff. But I thought it was cold under exactly exactly, but I would I would teach to build a fire, and the descriptions in that are so vivid. I still remember the matches. It's a detailed account of what it's like to freeze to death in essence spoiler alert, and do it through frustration. It's like the slowest agonizing freeze to death. I the students weren't reading the story, but I was. I just

signed it. You wouldn't read it, Oh yeah, every semester, everything I assigned i'd read because they weren't going to someone's going to read this. Um. But so I would think a lot about people going up to the Yukon at the time, and um, you know, putting aside all of their discomforts and trekking up there, think in mind too that uh, when people were going up to the Yukon in the time of Jack London, they didn't have gortex like leather and wool wolves. There's not like an

old dog and so. But but yet people will still do it. They have this drive. I'm in awe of that because I like to stay comfortable. I'm built for comfort, not for speed. That's just not me. People who go and like trek across the desert or zaren people who go to Antarctica. No, I got to the subject. But those people are generally scientists, so they have that extra things. It's not just like people who go to like the Sahara,

but they're not always scientists. That's true. Yeah, I'm telling you this story today about Antarctica because we're at the tail end of a pretty severe heat wave here in Oakland, California. Your old tricks totally. I need to get into a mentally chill place. So I started looking around, like what's cold Altarctica? I typed into Google help what is cold melting? To show you a picture of iced tea, and then Antarctica iced tea exactly not to drink. So what's cooler

than cold? I want to talk to you about Antarctica. Come for the cool weather, stay for the ridiculousness. Into this that's the new Antarctica travel like slogan for for is Antarctica. I know a lot of people dream about visiting Antarctica. I know people who have done it. Yeah, and they're all stoked on it and they want to tell you all about it. But isn't it like I know, somebody went there and they did it because they could

run a marathon on all seven continents. It seems like people always going there to get the seven Oh it's totally the seventh continent. Yeah. Um. There are people though that actually work there, and unless that's your life stream, I feel like it's a bummer job. And these like penguin husbands, like the people who like shepherd penguins. No, there are research stations, and there are right of course Antarctica research stations. I'm like research and penguins. What's the

what's it? The most bummer job you've ever had? Oh? God, I've had some bummer jobs, so give me a second. Oh yeah, I know this one for sure. When I was Third Team, I worked in an old folks home as a basically a waiter bus boy. And it was not a bummer because it's like, oh I was a waiter or was a bus boy, I didn't mind that stuff. I don't mind dishes, I don't mind hard work. None

of that bothered me. It was the fact that I got really close to all the people at this old folks home and then I would go to my next shift and one of them would be dead and oh, man, Steve died really last week and I'm like thirteen, So like, I'm not used to death. I'm not. And I'm really like really charmed by these people because they're at the end of their life and so they're really honest with

me and they want to impart messages. And also a bunch of them, like one of them was this old radio show personality, and so like I loved old radio shows. I'm asking them about people. I'm like, oh, what is so and so, Like did you ever work with so and so? And they're like into it and they know these people, so we're like bonded and I'm like this is great. And then i go back a week later and they're dead and I'm like come home crying. My Mom's like, you know what, you might need to find

a new job. And so then I became like a paper boy and that was much better for me. This is the most bummer job I've ever imagined. My bummer job pales in comparison. I had to work, it had to. It wasn't like forced on me. I chose to work one summer in college at UM, the like Ace hard Our Home store. Oh good job. And yeah, I had a couple of jobs that summer, just trying to like stay alive and well, like you know, you just get cobbled together a bunch of part time jobs. It was

life tough on the streets for you back then. Do you need Yes, it was so hard trying to make your eight I was, and uh so. The Ace Hardware Home Store UM was run by this manager guy who was really into renfairs and he wore really tight black jeans and cowboy boots and had feathered red hair. And he would we had to talk to him as his ren fair renaissance fair persona get out at work. Yeah, he was like he brought When you call him, like you know, Melvin or whatever, he was like sur feather Bottom,

like please no call me the end. So we would say, sir feather Bottom, I've got a load that came in. We had shipe like tag all these for prices like you know, carry on, like you know, I'd be there like tagging, can I sally forth to take my break, Sir feather Bottom, maybe like tagging the prices on things, and he'd walk by, Yes, well, carry on and like tut tut and and it was just it was horrible.

It was that sounds like ye old bummer. Yeah, and I had I had like really bright pink hair back then, and I got a lot of abuse from customers about it. When lady came in and told me I look trashy. Trashy, yeah, with pink hair, right, I wouldn't expect that, would expect a lot of things that she could have insulted you with. The trashy was not what I expected. That's usually more like the rensed out blonde, like, oh you look trashy with like, you know, platinum hair, but like pink hair,

it's more like you look fun. Well. I looked at her and I said, I'm rubber your glue, and then I cut her credit card in half. So that was my summer at ACE, only less than one summer. Back to antarct Um. There are scientists, obviously who dream of working and on Antarctica. And if we say on Antarctica, but we don't say like on Europe. Well, it's like the way we think like an island. Yes, so I think if we think of it as being like you're on the island becomes continental. You stop. So we'll say

in Antarctica, let's you say like with Antarctica. They want to be one with Antarctica, and they think that they're totally prepared for these brutal conditions, the isolations, um, the isolations in the such various isolations one may experience. There are forty five active permanent research stations there and then another fifty seasonal basis. There's a lot of people. In the wintertime, it's a thousand, and it gets up. The

population in Antarctica gets to around four thousand in the summertime. UM. And because there are humans on Antarctica, there's crime. The two do go together. That's why we're here. That's one hand washing the other than thieving from the other hand. Oh, there's been a murder, get out, but we're not talking about that today, dude. That's our vow our promise. A few cases of arson, probably just to stay warm. A mysterious death that seemed a little fishy, A melee involving

some cooks that ended up with a hammer attack. Yeah, and then an axe fight over a chess match get out that resulted in chess being banned at Russian stations. I didn't want to interrupt you, but I was like, this has to be Russians. You said, ax and chess match. I'm betting on Russian scientists, right. So one of those Russian stations is Bellingshausen station. That doesn't sound very Russian, now it doesn't. Belling did they steal this one? They're like, hey, Germans,

look over there. Basically, basically we got gems. I don't know why they sounds so German. It was named after the famous YouTuber Victor Bellingshausen. Of course, get old vic um and so at that that's the location of Antarctica's most ridiculous crime. So yeah, we're not even talking acts attack. This is even more we're not belling Shausen is one of the o G Soviet stations, founded in nineteen sixty eight. They have a church there. They have a church, yeah,

Trinity Church, Eastern Orthodox. Right, it's the only permanently staffed Eastern Orthodox Church staff. Yeah, two priests work there. They take turns. Okay, I get it. They need a priest, they need they need two priests. I need a young priest to do an exorcism, a vice priest. He's a runner up because the first runner up happened. We got up. Well they can't, you know, I don't know how many masses. The church is adorable, by the way, Yeah, I built it.

It was preassembled in Siberia from cedar and larch. Did you google to this church? No? Maybe maybe I google tour everything. Uh So, anyway, it's not really that big, and it still has three small onion domes. So this little onion dome church. The icons inside are all hand painted, and the services are like straight up Eastern Orthodox each week frankincense pageantry. Whatnot? This and the vats um. You don't smell wood in antarctica. This is not a single

just me personally. You don't smell wood? Seven? Are you hypnotizing me right now? Your sense of smell is gone? Um? Well, no, there are in the Antarctic, and go I don't smell trees like you have covid st um. Hello, ding dong, there are no trees in antarctica. Oh right, this isn't like one of those. I don't smell candles. Yeah, yeah, when you go, I'm just trying to keep up, and I don't smell what it means do you? Saron? And you the universe personal you people don't smell wood and

antarctic because there is none. And so this is like a little escape going into this church to huff the wood. Smell really for the wood, for the wood and some Jesus, there's nothing wrong with that. Don't judge. They've had a wedding there. They had a log married chunk of frankincense. It was beautiful. No, some dude from a Peruvian base. He married the daughter of a Russian engineer. The Russian engineer brought his daughter like a bring your daughter to

work island. He lost a bet, I gotta take one of my kids. I don't know. I don't know what happened with that. Here's another fun fact. Are you familiar with the tattoo artist Lyle Tuttle. Oh yeah, crocodile Lyle. Yeah, I'm not. He's a famous or was a famous tattoo artist. His tattoo was his signature tattoo. Total showman. You're telling me his signature tattoo was his own signature, so he

set up a tattoo station in Antarctica. He tattooed his autograph on Dr Anna Felicity Freedman so that he could be the first person to tattoo on all seven continents. Like you're saying, this is the only reason to go yes, So he just did the old signature autograph tattoo, then got on a polar bear and bounced yep, like shot off and polar bears down there that's north right now. Penguin He had like a sled dog team of penguins. So yeah, so he going really waddling down the ice.

You can walk faster than your sled. Sorry, I'm sorry anyway, Lyle Tuttle signature tattoo. So there you go. That's another fun fact. Here's one more. Okay, I don't care if I going to take it, but go on. Did you know that Metallica, I'm gonna need a warning. Metallica they gave tattoos. They played in what they played? What is this like an MTV stunt? Were like we put the world.

So there were ten winners of a contest who arrived in Antarctica by a cruise ship and they got to go to a Metallica concert at the neighboring Argentine base. So did the Argentine base like hire Metallica in this contest, like hey, can we get involved with They were like ringing Metallica, like Metallica speaking like hey, okay, we're in Antarctica, we're freezing, we need hot metal and they're like, you're right on and then they lit them cells on fire.

I'm so sorry about that. Um okay, so they built they did this performance under a special dome. I am not making this up like a biodome. Yes, Like Lars is like I must have a biodome or I'm not going to play. You have to hear my drums. They all turned mossy. I feel like I'm making this up, but I know I'm feel like you're making it up to They were under a special dome. The audience listened to music on headphone. Why because they didn't want to

disturb the local wildlife. The penguins were like not. The penguins were Megadeth fans and they didn't like matter hardcore. Dave with Daintreethers. Yeah, so so that's the thing. They were headphones. They haven't listened to Metallica since Cliff left. Yeah, left. I'm trying to be nice. I'm trying to be I don't laugh. Um okay. So then but after the concert, the boys went next door to Billinghaus and to say hi, the boys in metallicata yeah Metallica, Hey it is And

then they left. Um, so back to ridiculous. I swear to god, there's a crime in here, somewhere, these evolving kind of criminal. Let's take a break, we return. I promise you I'm going to start talking about crying sar oh, hey, what's up? Elizabeth's over thinking about Metallica? Well, I have crime for you. I promised it. Okay, good, thank god. First things first, I need you to close your eyes, yes, Zaren, I want you to picture it. M you're feeling a

little queasy. Is Metallica standing over me? Well, you've been ship and you're all bundled up in your new parka that you just your mom got you, and you have that feeling of being a little overheated, but it's also super cold outside. You're getting queasy. It's like the whole no winning vibe. You can't trying to stay You looked at me, the winning vibe like we both know what this means. Like you know the no winning vibe. It's

my my vibe, isn't the no winning vibe? So the ship pulls up at a dock and it's a barren landscape. There's some low buildings in the distance, or there are some low buildings in the distance. Um, you zaren in your new park of You've just arrived at Bellingshausen station. Heard good things Metallica playing wants you had like stitch cute little patches on your park of like I'm a world explorer. For me, I'm so metal. You've got a

lile tuttle tattoo on you on my face. Um, it's October, but and that means it's getting close to summer, don't Southern Hemisphere back it up, Burnett. It is below freezing outside. It's somewhere between like let's say zero and thirteen degrees fahrenheit. Oh yeah, so sub human temperatures. I'm with you. There are about thirt seen other people at the base with you in the summer. Now the population can swell to twenty five, but not yet. You're just almost there. Nope,

You've got the old Baker's dozen with you. So you look around. You see the buildings are all single story. They look like temporary buildings. Oh my gosh, what's that over there? The cutest little church ever. I'm gonna put it in my pocket and run away. But it's dismal. Other So, the Russians, though, they refer to this station as a resort because the conditions are so much milder than say it like Vostok Station, which is further inland.

The temperature there can drop to one hundred and twenty below zero zeren, I love the Russian cent of humor is a resort well compared dang one of those like I'm not dead. So belling Shausen is on an island just off the coast of the continent. So that's like it's like a plumb assignment as far as Antarctic, I'm taking your words forward on all this, but like still barren, remember trees. I'm over here with some toothpicks in my pockets. You're in there with your head stuck in the door

of the church, just huffing, huffing away. Now, there are two seasons summer and winter in Antarctica. There like awards season. In summer, there's what's it called with the when um their debuting shows, pilot season. Yeah, we're going to say like, oh, yes, there's mud season, fire season, pilot season, and awards seasons from l A. No, when this summer? When this winter on off? So the permanent daylight in the summer, which

would really mess with me. Permanent daylight right, like the sun doesn't go down all day all night, like three months of that couple of months whatever, Yeah, a long time. Four months. I don't know. I'm guessing darkness in the winter and then you just have to walk around with the lantern in the snow. Um, that's April through August is darkness in winter. So four months rayah, even though it's supposed to be this resort, it's still cold and

dark and lonely. So you got your parka, you pull down the scarf that your mom knit for you to let your mouth and nose out into the icy air. I'm freezing because my mom can't nit. But go on, no offense. Um, you smell something. You smell vodka, you smell metallica, you smell ridiculousness. James Hedfield, Well, something's brewing here, attention. So it's October nine. I wasn't too long ago, right, A lot of bad business going on up here in

the States. Like I just I looked at the major news stories for that month and it was a dumpster fire. October okay, yeah, one month of four mid terms it was horrific. Same with September and November that year. You know, let's just go back, like ten years has been horrific. Whatever. I hate to tell you about the other years before the last two thousand years have been a real doozy so at bells, real top years of hard, hard road belling shows in its summertime and work was in full swing. Um,

fourteen people there, you're the number fourteen. Two of them. I'm out there my water wings in my banana hammocks. It's almost springtime. You're like, oh my god, he's got snow madness. Um, so the two there's two of the fourteen, though, they're going to bring the ridiculousness now to the fourteen. So we have two main ridiculous characters. The first oleg belogos Off, the logos Off. I know I am screwing up these names. I'm not have mercy, that is all

I say. Belgos Off, fifty two year old electrician and welder. Electrician welder look fifty two like. But he might be. He might be like those those Facebook people who use really old photos of themselves in their profile, I mean, like author photos of most novels. Yeah, I know. To me, you know. But here's here's the other thing about Bologozov looks young pain in the pituit. Oh he looks young, feels old. Let me tell you this. His look is amazing. He has like a really long majestic beard, like a

rescipue number amber colored, amber colored. I don't know. It's because he druels cidered in his hes, got cider and tobacco stains running down his face. But he looks he looks every bit the Russian explorer. Okay, something out of a Russian fairy tale. So would his face be befittedly surrounded by fur giving fur hat. So we have that, We've got old leg right, and then we have Sergey. Yeah,

Sergey Savitsky. Yeah, Okay, he's fifty five years old. Yeah, Serge looks every inch of fifty written hard but away he's an electrical engine. Here. He's having a tough time with the whole Antarctica thing. The scene. The vibe. He's a slight fellow that has nothing to do with him having a hard time. He has short cropped hair, he has like a really sensible mustache, if there is such a thing, and his press photo is phenomenal. It's him facing three quarters to the camera with one eyebrow raised.

Are you kidding me? It sounds like something I would make up. I am serious. Is the mustache? I got like a knowing smirk, just kind of cocking the corner. You know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna put this on Instagram and then you'll know. So these two they've been beefing for months. There's a lot of tension going on here. What are they fighting about? Well, here's the thing. The two big activities at this station, reading drinking. Those

are sometimes at the same time, sometimes not so. Because there's just one TV and it only has like a channel or two. They watching like South American TV. I guess Argentinean Penguin, Penguin, Wayne's World, Penguin Public Access. There's really spotty internet, so it's all dial up. Um, there's a gym, but it sounds like that really wasn't a popular option, Just like why what what do I have to live for? Um? The library then gets a lot

of use and then livers were put to the test. Okay, you kind of caught me on that one drinking and um so another Russian at belling Shausen, Sergei Bushmanoff. Bushmanoff, he's a geophysicist. He was at Vostok where it gets one twenty below. He was there for two years. He said, I'm talking about belling shows. And though he said that the thirteen people stationed there drank more than two d bottles of vodka in just six months. Why they live in a resort, so you know, they're just like a

bundled up laying up, came down. That's right, Like, hey, girls, these are standard bottles like fifth who wants cosmos? They're all drinking cosins. What if they were drinking cocktails like they are like super like fancy cocktails. They're not drinking like out of the ball. I mean, they have plenty of ice. They just needed blender. So when they ran low though, because obviously it's not there's a limited they

made moonshine. They made their own. They didn't have to drive it around though, what what did they have to make moonshine out of down there, just like old it's rotting. Check this out right? Okay, So this is and this is sanctioned by the station chief. He's like, well, yeah, we're out of vodka. What am I going to drink it to it? They made it from yeast sugar and drum roll peas peas like garden peas. Wow, I mean, I'm sure there's sugar in it. So peas are actually

a pretty sweet I will tell you. It could be worse. They could have been making like seagull wine, penguin wine bottle ferment the dead bird Inuit saying, or they stick a seagull in a bottle and then they let it, you said, penguin old jug and they shove a dearly departed penguin in there like r I. P So. At the Vostok base, the Super Cold One, it's estimated that at least a third of the team would take part

in week long binges. Week long. Yeah, they went on for seven and of course then there are a lot of fights. And I'm assuming this is during the dark time of the year, So they're bumbling around in the dark, drunk like they have like electricity. Yeah, I'm sorry, you have candles and they're knocking over so but we can assume that the rangers were similar at belling showers and it's the resort. No, okay, you said the earlier that you know that there's crime, and I know we're getting

to the crime. But are they also doing the other human behavior of sex, because I imagine that there's some issues of jealousy and stuff. If they're all drunk in life, I don't know, I don't know. They don't want to talk a little component to this as well. Probably here's the thing that's the drinking isn't just at Russian stations. The Americans bring it nice. They have they have actual bars and stuff on their basis. The American basis they have like I don't know, gift shops like the military,

leftist work, you know, ferros, wheels, hat. But at the Americans they had fights and they also had a lot of public nudity. So the Americans brought this. They're just stripping down. Scientists gone wild, and at American stations there's like a super clear division between scientists and maintenance personnel, know, the American distinctions. I love it right and then and

there it's almost always drunken scientists mixing it up. Not the technicians lose their job, right, So keep in mind that while these workers and scientists at the station are subjected to you know, the harsh conditions, the stressful living blah blah blah at the Russian stations, they aren't really vetted or trained for this. They didn't people equally, It's

not like they're cosmonauts. They a lot of the non scientists wind up there after they answer an ad in the paper, like they think maybe I'm gonna go be a secretary and they end up Antarctic. They're looking on Craigslist. They're like, I need a job. What are some gigs I don't know? Come down here and welds something in the sub zeros um If they're qualified for the gig,

if there are forklifts certified um. They are sent to Antarctica and they get monitored by the station chief for a couple of months, and unless they have a super severe problem, they stay. What do they that's where they work. That's so Belogazov and Savitsky they had been stationed on and off for at least four years at this point. Family back there missing. They have lives that they're like, you know, suffering. They have the universal family of Earth.

I don't know what I'm saying. Well, they're not getting along right Sevitsky, he keeps checking books out of the library to pass the time, as you do. Right. Every time he'd get a book out, he'd get a little bit into it, and then belogsof would stroll up and spoil the ending of the book. No wait, now I gotta go back and get and asked, because we went back back and forth on first names last year. Blogs off is off, Sarah, yeah, Oleg is like, oh, I'm

not nice, and Surgey is like so yeah. So so Sergey is the one checking the books out, okay, and he and belog is off like, oh I'm not nice. He comes up, he's like, you know, gives a spoiler for the book ending. Yeah, and this is this whole spoiler party thing. They only have two things to do, read and get drunk. So so he imagined that, like you're you're reading this book, you just art it and then you know, Captain Chuckles comes up. It's like he

it's driving Sevitsky nuts. Well, I have to actually give it to Oleg for a second. On this which is that he didn't wait till like the last seven pages and then going, oh hey, he may have expressed so you've got into the part where they all put their hands on the spoiler. I don't know, I don't know how far I think that he varied. I think sometimes he waited until he got like a chapter in and was not worth it. And look, you think, like, this

is your entertainment. You have this delicious rest of the book waiting for you, and then he just you know, ruins it. So kind of like licking his cupcake. Yeah, well he's I want to lick your cupcake. Pal Um. He just sneezes on everything, spoiling the plots and novels totally out of line. But the last straw was when blogs off. Oh um, he's a total bully. By the way, he starts making fun of Sevinsky and he tells them to dance on the tables for money in the station

dining room. I'm assuming he has drunk at think everyone's drunk, and all the time he's like, you without a beard, dance on the tap, dance for me. And then this is like dancing bear style, dancing monkey style, like a stripper style, what do we dance on a stripper bear? Dancing bear? You like, it's like the grateful dead bears, but taking off their fur, shaving, shaving themselves. I don't know why. I was thinking a bar and pasties in

a bikini. That's how bears stripped. They shave themselves. Hello, haven't you remember a bear? I don't like yours. You better get out in the world. Um. Sevinsky snaps, as would I. Right, he goes knives out literally and he stabs Belog's off with a kitchen knife pick in the hand. Yeah, he went. He went to get him right in the penguins shi. Now he got him right in the chest.

He stabbed him in the chest. So it's like, get on the table and dance and throw some rubles at him, and he's like, I can't take it anyone to come at him from the table like top rope with a knife in his I like to imagine he I don't think he ever got up on the table. Let's pretend he did. He was on the table and he was just out of like, you know, instant reaction. Okay, fine, he gets up to dance. What am I doing? I's

where did I go wrong? And then he just stay lock eyes and so boy um chaos breaks out of madness, bedlam. Man's got a knife in his chest. Let's freeze the scene and when we come back, I'll let you know what happened. But you know what, no spoilers. Hey, oh hey Elizabeth, what's up girl? Um, crime in Antarctica? Right, knife in the chick. We finally got to the crime. How's my man's at? Flogosof Oh no, he's bleeding, stabbed in the chest with a kitchen knife. It's not beat juice,

it's blood. He's probably screaming. He probably isn't some people like should be fermentous. Yeah, they're just shoving him in a giant barrel, like no, no, no, he's like shoto, that's what's this in Russian? Oh? Look at you? You know what I know in Russian? Huh because it means well I'm not dead. That's what he yelled. That's what

he yelled. Do you know I took Russian when I was in high school at UC Berkeley because they did like this bat single thing out to all the local high school nerds, like calling all nerds, are you you? You can take a class in the summertime at cal and it'll look good on your trail more school. I'm there right. There's the two wolves inside of me though that. The one was like, this is going to look good at my transcripts, and the other was like, what is

the most ridiculous thing I can do with this? So I looked at all the classes they had available. There are reasonable things that I would use, and then I was like, what's the weirdest one? Russian? I'll take that. They said, send us your finest nerds and I showed up and I was like, what's up wearing a pool of fur hat Um? Anyway, there you go? Um. I ask you how are you? And I said, was there? Hey, at least I'm not dead Antarctica? Blog us off? Where are we? So? Medics arrive? Do you do? It's a

penguin with the Simon on his Yeah. Penguin and a priest walk into a bar um. They decide that he needs to be airlifted to a military hospital in Chile. He's got a knife in his chest. The penguins are like, there's only so much we can do. Have these flippers. They're just slapping him with the flippers. Um. It turns out.

He has damaged to his heart from the attack from the knife in his chest, but you know, the wound's not life threatening, so it just gave a little scrapings, cleaned off some of the plaque all but it still is an intensive care. Okay, I'm glad they have that. It's intense care. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Savitsky, he surrenders to the station manager. No fights, no dramatics, just turns himself in. They're like, come on, man, do you do this? Yep, he's like finally reading the end of

the book. How about that ending surprised and drinking some pe wine pe a wine. Um. So they have a limited number of flights out, so they had to wait to airlift him. They don't have a jail there. So what they do, um, let's see, they don't have a jail there. They have to wait. They put him outside, just let him freeze up to his neck. Close. They put him in the church. They're like this locks and they put put in the nicest place. They have wood

and candles and insects. Getting rewarded for stabbing this garden. Nobody like, so they lock him in the church. Now, per the Antarctic Treaty of nineteen Yes, I remember the negotiations. It we worked so hard on that god hours and hours, like I don't know, ten twenty minutes. It was terrible. If a person commits a crime in Antarctica, they're subjected to the laws of their home country. So it's like

a free zone. It's like you're everywhere is an embassy. Yeah. Um, Savitsky, he spends ten days in the clink, also known as the church, and he's according to Russian law, in the ways of our people, we lock you into church. Then he's flown back to St. Petersburg by way of Chile, then Uruguay, then the Netherlands and then Mother Russia. So he had to hop all over. He's got a knife in his chest. No, this is Savitsky, all right, Okay,

sent him to the medical hospital. So yeah, the guy, he's like, I gotta go face justice, and they're bouncing him through every country that they can. On the brow nobody has so they had to wait that long for the next possible flight. Ten days. Um, he gets charged with attempted murder and he's put under house arrest. Now we're going to jump forward in time. Are you ready for this, Yes, I'm ready, Okay, February nineteen, you're still wearing your I got the hat, never take it off.

It was an innocent time. February nineteen. We didn't know, we didn't know. It was ahead. Sevitzky's trial is about to begin. So the two men Belugasov, is that how you say his name? Leg Yeah, and Sevitsky. They're sitting next to each other on a bench in the courtroom, like we're gonna put the guys damned you right next to you and then work it out. We're gonna get some justice. And they're chatting about quote abstract topics like what, well, the Russian news agency RAPSI are a p s I.

It's Russian legal information agency. They said, they're the ones who said that they were chatting about quote unquote abstract topics. I am dying to know what these abstract topics were, Like, which is more important string theory or like a modified gravitational theory? Yeah, exactly? Or was the nine O two one oh reboot really worth it? Yes, jetsons a better represents intation of modern living in the sixties. Here's the thing, though,

I don't ever watch TV ever. I never watched TV, but let me tell you about the nine o two and me. I've never watched TV day in my life, but I've got some I've got some opinions. So let's say strength theory. The judge he calls or she or they call the court into session, and Belogazov's attorney stands and files the motion. So we have the victim, the victim, it's going to file emotion. That's weird, are they? You know, why would you do that? That's that's out of order.

This whole court's out of order. It was a motion to dismiss. So he's like, just forget about this, he said. Alex says that he made peace with Savitsky and that there's no need to punish him any further. So he's like, look, it was my fault. Like, let me just take this one on the chest. Oh my, that was beautiful. The rainbow disappeared in this guy. That was beautiful. Um. But in other statements to the press, right, Savitsky pretty much lays out, I'm guilty and I was irresponsible and I

shouldn't have done it. So you know, maybe blogos Off was like, realize what he was. I don't want to victim blame. I don't. I'm going to victim blame brought it on himself. So the judge he makes sure that all, you know, harm has been remedied. Is this a sufficient you know resolution for everyone? Yeah? Charges dropped, That's it

the end. So if I go to Russia and I stabbed somebody in the chest and I convinced him, look this was your fault, and they're like, you know what, You're right, kind of, I can go before a judge and be like, look, ask him if it's okay that I stabbed him. Guys like is okay? And I'm like, the justice there is. It's interesting. I can see why so many people fall out a window. That's the favorite method. Um what is your ridiculous takeaway here, Zarin? Other than

the Russian Russian criminal justice system? Um, By ridiculous takeaway is that for once in my life, I am right based on purely just a speculative stereotype. But I shouldn't be anywhere where it's freezing, because people don't act right where it's cold. You would go on a stabbing spreed. That's a ridiculous takeaway, right, I mean, that is ridiculous and I'm taking away that message keep you out of anti ticket or anywhere like where it goes below. Yeah,

I think sixty, We can go sixty. We can get kind of close to sixty because you know, the bay are occasionally dips. It does, and I never lose my head. Then it's just you know, yeah, true. So what's your ridiculous takeaway? Miss? Well? You know, I think that we did learn a little about isolation when we were all in COVID lockdown. You know, obviously not to a little bit of isolation and a lot about us. Yeah, sometimes

a little too much. Like with the COVID the isolation was totally necessary, but it doesn't mean that it was or is. You know, people are still doing it a cakewalk. Um. I know a lot of people, older folks or I have friends who are immunocompromised. They have to isolate in order to stay alive. But it is doing a number on them emotionally and psychologically. Are they drinking reading all

the time? Yeah, basically it's just a loan um and so like outside of COVID and whatever, the truth is that we're social creatures, but we also need variety, so we need to mix up the people that we do get to see. I think that's one of the things. Like if you're stuck in a house and you only see one person, that drives you a little nuts. Um. And so if you're fourteen people in a building and you don't like all of them, right, so none of them are your family or your friends. You have to

have like a mix up of activities. You know, it's most people. They mean they're outliers, but most people don't like to do the exact same thing every single day. It gets lonely, right. Add alcohol into the mix. I think that's the big one. We should turn to. The seven day long binges. I think that that's maybe something

to do with the serotonin. Also the whole cycles of like I'm depressed again, just a seven day hangover, bro well, and no one's looking at the unhealthy relationship with alcohol going on when the station chief is like, yeah, whatever, to throw the yeast and the sugar pease, okay, yeah, make it. I'm so thirsty. I have some sweaty socks we can use to bring those up. I'm with the Romans. You don't let a group of men just sit around and do nothing. You get them building a bridge you

get them build. I'm telling you, you got like more than six men standing around. Get them building something. Otherwise they're going to make a problem for you to fix their welding they're rewiring. I don't know, I don't I don't believe it. I think they're doing the right hanguin. It seems like it's basically a lot of science stations, right,

so they're observing stuff. They're not having to actively do as much because oftentimes when I'm imagining these are not where they're having to Like, I'm sure they're doing ice core drilling and stuff. They're doing something real hands on science. I'm not suggesting that they're just out there doing the butterfly freeze if we leave it outside. I recognize they're doing hardcore, valid, valuable science, climate science, a lot of

great stuff. But at the same time, I'm still thinking for some of these people, if they have enough time to have a week long like, right, we could give them another hobby that's constructive for everybody. Yeah, I know if I did a week long vodka binge, I'd probably lose my job. I wouldn't be doing anything, would probably lose your job yourself. I don't want to I don't. I don't want to deal in absolute. I mean sometimes

I can pull a lot of things. Drunk at work day four, you're like still got I can see it yeah myself at Yeah, you're happy drunk. So I don't drink um like. I keep going back to these novels that Savitsky is reading. There his lifeline community, and then you got Belogozof. He's getting his jolly's out stepping all over that, right. So here's my thing. That's where his joy comes from, Elizabeth, if you've had about joy, that's his only way of experiencing sunshine, Sarah. Hurt people, hurt people,

This is true. Are you realize the people who are behave like they're always hurting. They're the last to admit that they themselves. So I'm trying to be seriously because I have not been successful up until this point. Um. But you take all these ingredients, put him in a pot, you mix them up, you put them out in the snow. Super ridiculous crime comes out in ridiculous circumstances. But you can put them in eighty degree temperature and good gumbo,

ridiculously happy ending gumbo, happy ending, slimy bit happy. Um, that's it. You can find us online. Everybody head over to Ridiculous Crime on Instagram because that's where we put all the visual supplements for these stories. Those are in the posts in the Instagram stories. We make funnies about side jokes and the whatnots over on Twitter, which is also at Ridiculous Crime. We've got great conversations going picking the best director for each episode. We have weekend riddles

every now and then too. If you have a tip about a ridiculous crime that you want to hear about, or if you want to confess to something, uh, email as Ridiculous Crime at gmail dot com. You want to just share a really bad selfie, we love anything you know. Don't do that. I'm scared. That's it. Thank you, No, thank you. Ridiculous Crime is hosted by Elizabeth Dutton and Zara Burnett, produced and edited by senior spoil ologist Dave Kustin,

researches by Penguin apologist Marissa Brown. The theme song is by Metallica. Understudies Thomas Lee and Travis Dutton. Executive producers are Ben I Wonder how This ends? Bolan and Noel Spoiler Alert Browne say it one more time? We Dequeous. Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeart Radio. Four more podcasts to my heart radio, visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.