That’s that. Do whatever you want, don’t mind me, son. Just start learning what a chow bell is, receiving money from mom, wondering if Nall is a hallucination, dreaming the dark, hearing a song on the breeze, regretting the tone of the official guide, envying the children, razzing Ramus into oblivion, sleeping in the shed, clearing up “rump acne,” standing up to destiny, denying our Christ up to three times, refusing to take children seriously, finding our ho-ho-ho-man, and waking up without our...
Dec 09, 2024•1 hr 5 min•Season 7Ep. 6
We have somehow earned this thing’s respect. You have somehow earned Episode 005, where we’re touching on some healing stones, washing out a bridge, traversing across the battlefield, grunting at the sight of a human, appreciating bitmap cut-scenes, referencing Mega Man 8 (derogatory), rewarding boys with special turds, baiting baboons into ice blocks, possessing green eyes, receiving destiny instructions, questing for the prize of manhood, realizing Dad was Ramus, immediately trying to unload a...
Dec 02, 2024•1 hr 7 min•Season 7Ep. 5
We know you’re sick with worry, but worry not, because this time we’re CAPITALIZING SELECT DIALOGUE, erecting a monument, putting up with a bean brain, choking the chicken, identifying pigs, failing to speak pig latin, refusing to understand what Nall is, standing in the spring like a cool guy, demonstrating ocarina prowess, plotting to ditch Luna, trading an ocarina for a harp, mixing innuendo in with singing lessons, offending the stork god, talking to everyone in town all the time, putting on...
Nov 25, 2024•1 hr 1 min•Season 7Ep. 4
I am not embarrassed to be anime. Neither is Lunar, as we’re wondering when Chrono Trigger will cease its powers of inspiration, defying fantasy/anime archetypes, reading the strategy guide promo, marveling at the Sega CD vocal intro, swerving into the PSP prologue, trapping Althena in an undersea base, summoning clip art demons for a covenant, breaking the flashback framing device, dancing character sprites, joining O-Town, worshiping the holy bucket, shifting tree leaves, refusing to acknowled...
Nov 18, 2024•1 hr 8 min•Season 7Ep. 3
We’re still talking about the Lunar before we play it. You know what that means: we’re altering game code for the reality of commerce, smoking turds like a coward, slandering Shannen Doherty, dubbing in dubious farts, artificially adjusting the difficulty, cringing at the worst magazine ad of all time, giving away a demo disc, choosing kindness over grittiness, giving in to the astonishment of holograms and paper stock, learning about Fan Art Edition, finding Lunar through internet friends, and ...
Nov 11, 2024•1 hr 18 min•Season 7Ep. 2
Hello and welcome to season 7! We’re covering Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete , which entails going over which version(s) of Lunar’s Silver Star Story we’re playing, outlining every Lunar that exists, figuring out how many dollars games cost, wondering what the situation is with Studio Alex, designing a cold world, spreading democracy on the moon, becoming sexy and smelling a person, pestering Game Arts into a localization contract, accidentally inventing modern localization, and starting to a...
Nov 04, 2024•1 hr•Season 7Ep. 1
To enter Season 6’s final episode is to bid goodbye to the light of day. If you accept, we’re referencing other Final Fantasies games in bullshit missions, letting someone else explore Midlight’s Deep, slaying the hell magician, fighting in fart gas, destroying more jobbers, bending knees to demons, trying to kickstart Virgo, wanting for blood, identifying the universal pervert endgame, sealing off the pervert portal, marveling at the airship graveyard, wearing thong for the ultimate battle, win...
Oct 28, 2024•1 hr 44 min•Season 6Ep. 29
You know nothing, Beowulf. You know we’re inventing additional antagonists for unnecessary sidequests, re-dragoning someone for a kidnapping plot, walking into an obvious trap, treating with steel, literally casting doubt, stealing a lady back from a pervert priest, debating belief vs fornication, nervously crafting a birthday scheme, overdoing the poop metaphors, costing a goodly amount, looking odd, unlocking the secrets of giant books, leaving behind ignorance, and casting open the very gates...
Oct 21, 2024•47 min•Season 6Ep. 28
Lives and levels, or men and boards? How about pods and casts, featuring us dropping in on perverts, murdering clergy members, slingin’ blood off a sword, remaining lawful, observing an indoor turd river, picking up a book, exposing craven cowards, returning to the father, serving death by steel, reborning a brother, re-killing a brother, pumping a dying guy for information, refusing to join a princess party, slipping a secret knife, taking what’s due, and returning to where it all started: robb...
Oct 14, 2024•1 hr 6 min•Season 6Ep. 27
Here’s a souvenir for you on the way to hell. It’s a podcast, one in which we’re appreciating sprite animation, frustrating the high confessor’s plot, working to see queens made for true, pretending to leave the room, rendezvousing with perverts, resisting every scenario, screaming in the dark, naming that mushroom, adding a Cletienne scene, going to the gods, exceeding our feeble capacities, creating the circle of trust, passing strange, jumping in a brother-based triple threat match, and using...
Oct 07, 2024•1 hr 11 min•Season 6Ep. 26
What devilry is this? It’s a podcast, once in which we’re wading in rebirth, boasting the brain of a dullard, fighting an old foe who died but didn’t, indulging in gratuity, interrupting pervert preparation, hanging a bag of teeth, refusing to acknowledge death, unpossessing numen, thinking of our sire’s flesh, becoming a blood member of darkness, wondering if stones can pervert perverts, and recruiting someone to kill their father. Ere long you shall know darkness deeper still. 00:00 Rebirth | ...
Sep 30, 2024•58 min•Season 6Ep. 25
The stone chooses the flesh. You have chosen to listen to us as we’re wondering why Aerith needs money, laughing like Kefka, not agreeing with arbitration, spilling blood on fancy riggins, looking for a good drubbing, refusing to argue with ghosts, killing dead people again, crushing grapes, leaving a fearsome stain, playing dumb and dumber about mossfungus, listening in secret, sensing perversion, exploring the necrohol, reserving questions for the victor, distinguishing between vampire and per...
Sep 23, 2024•1 hr 8 min•Season 6Ep. 24
Let’s away before we’re found. But first, listen while we’re ignoring height, raising a sluice gate, breaking Orlandeau out of the break room at work, questioning Valmafra’s allegiance, finding the one competent person who likes us, suffering a plague of fools, perverting an idiot, flashing that, gandering a goose, murdering a willing zealot, buying a flower, speaking to a robot, commanding that robot to kill, killing a different robot, turning a dragon into a lady, applying father’s mercy, comi...
Sep 16, 2024•1 hr 1 min•Season 6Ep. 23
Now there is a podcast I had not thought to find in these wastes! Bathe with us in the muck as we’re learning from Matsuno why Orators get guns, possessing powerful evidence of the church’s misdeeds, staying two steps ahead, acting as expected, dropping spores in the wind, respecting the constitution, only understanding transactional relationships, excusing Orlandeau from villainous plotting, picking the same wall, resisting the poison, double-gripping the stabby knife, hacking blood up all over...
Sep 09, 2024•58 min•Season 6Ep. 22
God is watching, have faith. God is also listening to us assuming the piss position, successfully whistling grass, gaslighting ourselves, flying in from Final Fantasy XII, pursuing beauty, acquiring heroes of myths and legends, ordering dairy from the liquor bar, caring not for coin, remembering Beowulf facts, befriending a dragon, wishing for the anti-pervert, quitting darkened halls, thinking as a free thinker, reframing Ovelia as sister-girlfriend, questioning our own motivations, and yearnin...
Sep 02, 2024•1 hr 19 min•Season 6Ep. 21
Zodiac stones read the metadata of your heart. You ears read the metadata of us narrowing seven to four, making our name shit, waiting for a new dawn, using the auracite for good actually, false fighting the second pervert, citing heaven, campfire’ing next to corpses, killing jobbers off screen, simultaneously referencing U2 + Queen + Jefferson Airplane, ruining a good name, stripping new hires of their clothes, inflicting atheist effects, and radicalizing another bereaved sibling. Power over sp...
Aug 26, 2024•55 min•Season 6Ep. 20
All such tales of gods and their miracles are false. But not us, and not when we’re swearing on words that have no honor, realizing scripture is leverage, taking fate into mine own hands, listening to death noises, slaking thirst for revenge, selling out for the lord, perverting into another ghoul, unthinking brains, slaying another pervert, surveying the murder room, frowing up on myself, letting Isilud rest, sparking divinity from Alma, losing days’ past, retching our innards, repaying debts w...
Aug 19, 2024•1 hr 2 min•Season 6Ep. 19
The air is thick with death’s foul stench. This episode is thick with sliming rockets, adding another cultural stereotype, invalidating past benevolence with modern action, resolving sibling arguments, allowing a heretic to triumph, opening the orphanage-to-assassins pipeline, becoming conduits of heaven and nether, speaking to a frog, becoming a knight in shining armor, slaying lingering souls, hiding fascism with austerity, assigning true power to the templar, gaslighting the church, slapping ...
Aug 12, 2024•58 min•Season 6Ep. 20
We are all but puppets, dancing as they pull our strings. You are all but listeners, frolicing as we’re taking shelter from the rain, meeting with an outland mage, being honest about forbidden knowledge, refusing to be a puppet, wishing no more need of tears, excavating at the mines, delivering job reports, falling out of Mana Secrets, recruiting a juvenile game hunter, buying freedom with blood, slaughtering deserters, appearing on a handbill for heresy, justifying infinite war, adopting a son ...
Aug 05, 2024•53 min•Season 6Ep. 17
Only with power can dreams be made real. Only with this podcast can we tell you about wishing for the Auto-Face, persisting in a fool resistance, fighting in the book store, confusing opponents by betraying our class, normalizing the battle gauntlet, girding for battle, becoming a thrall of the church, jokerfying yet another would-be ally, living for this, wiping a brain after defilement, switching to demon dialect, biting from the fruit of the tree of knowledge, leaving things undone, and readi...
Jul 29, 2024•1 hr 7 min•Season 6Ep. 16
What nonsense is this? Well, it’s an audio variety show where we’re playing Dycedarg’s theme for a meeting with Zalbaag, wondering if Zalbaag is dumb, failing to avoid Alma, proving truth words, fighting a heresy examiner, perverting into the Lucavi, profaning the gods, cutting a deal with Alma, rumoring Elmdore’s death, storing books underground, acquiring magic rocks to gain the people’s trust, making Alma guard the base, wishing we were born a man, assigning the universal mong theory, and get...
Jul 22, 2024•1 hr 6 min•Season 6Ep. 15
Mentally, are you becoming a coward? Vocally, we’re entering a pope meeting, pronouncing “Orlandeau,” feeling lost in the sauce, using a prisoner’s confession as an excuse to kill a guy, recognizing Orlandeau’s prowess, showcasing multiple councils, haggling over war logistics, closing the borders, going against the big tide, performing the forbidden dance, preaching secular theories, believing in god so much we quit the war, rescuing a shuffler, obtaining a battle dict., and shakin’ hands. Ther...
Jul 15, 2024•56 min•Season 6Ep. 14
Think of us simply, as allies. Allies who are not touching our supper, expressing a shit head belief system, revealing a princess as false, laying out different scenarios, figuring out scenes were added to the PSP release, swearing vengeance to killers, granting Wiegraf a second act, finally 1v1’ing Gafgarrion, feeling cold, thrice damning Gafgarrion, making our purpose plain, showing up too late to save the princess, transforming into the taint king, excruciating in ecstasy, waving goodbye to o...
Jul 08, 2024•1 hr 4 min•Season 6Ep. 13
Stop looking at girls, stop looking at rocks. Instead, look at us with your ears as we’re warning Ramza off the criminal conspiracy, reading six books, wondering who pilled Delita, realizing the nobles and the clergy are united in corruption, sniffing out a fake, losing another princess, preferring Dragoon to Samurai, falling for a gallows-based switcheroo, expecting Ramza to prodigal son his way home, painting deeds as foul, appreciating Gaffgarion’s persona, literally saying “game of thrones,”...
Jul 01, 2024•1 hr 3 min•Season 6Ep. 12
Just when I thought this fen could grow no fowler, we’ve cast another pod. Indulge us as we’re believing in god to get through a gate, identifying the manipulator, vexing with such worryment, listening to myths and legends, understanding auracite as everything magic, listening to the church’s perfect pitch, murdering the dead, appearing clergy and merchant adjacent, trading rock for father, blinging auracite, revealing a magic rock switcheroo, and evicting chocobos from our party of heretics. Fu...
Jun 24, 2024•57 min•Season 6Ep. 11
Those who live by deceit are the first to die by it. Those who listen to this episode will hear tales of jumping in first-person, rescuing a pony-tailed squire, blinging the magic rocks, climbing walls and talking shit, bringing a gun to a wizard fight, realizing we’re in Final Fantasy XII’s future, losing patience with Mustadio, finding Christ without a crucifixion, creepin’ on some ladies, blowing grass, wishing for no quarrel, leaving us wroth, soiling our names, coddling the boy, sipping vil...
Jun 17, 2024•1 hr 6 min•Season 6Ep. 10
The day grows lovelier by the hour. Just like us, as we’re eavesdropping on a conspiracy, threatening a heretic brand, wonder which magic spell hurts the worst, rescuing a large bird from goblins, gouging eyes out, climaxing at a waterfall, realizing Gaffgarion’s true nature, writing the scenario in real time, refusing to step over dead guys, understanding class warfare but choosing to not care, denying filth of money, reasoning with each other in front of a waterfall, and understanding the chur...
Jun 10, 2024•52 min•Season 6Ep. 9
It’s about time you learned about difference. The difference between battling under the threat of crimson snow, taking hostages, shooting the hostage, mongering flowers on a street corner, looking for a woke, losing ourselves to vengeance, flitting a forked tongue, igniting the gunpowder, debating the merits of new-fangled cut-scenes against old school cinematics, citing the contract for additional payment, realizing no one knows what Ramza wants, looking for the manipulator, and searching for t...
Jun 03, 2024•48 min•Season 6Ep. 8
Fighting is the only way out. Listening to this episode is the only way we can start listing Chris’ top three tactics, aligning with Dycedarg, swallowing Dycedarg’s shit, realizing the rich won’t save the poor, criticizing common blood, speculating Argath is a radicalization agent, understanding a meager fate, realizing Milleuda is willing to die for this, watching Milleuda inflict psychic damage on Delita, deploying tricky smooth talk, kidnapping the wrong lady, thinking of the children, sendin...
May 27, 2024•58 min•Season 6Ep. 7
Animals have no god. But they have us, and so do you, as we’re correcting the marquis, nesting menus, rending equipment, interpreting the kindness of time, being false on another’s behalf, once again realizing knights are cops, wasting strength and vitality, wondering if executing a scenario requires executing a god, demanding more than an apology, blowing up my clothes, supping on broth of bean, thinking beastly thoughts, doing it in the gutter, filling radicalization meters, and stealing one l...
May 20, 2024•56 min•Season 6Ep. 6
