We've been doing this show for around 6 months... We came into this not knowing what to expect. To say our lives have been changed is an understatement. Today we're going to do a recap of some of our favorite takeaways since we started the show. We might take a bit of a break after this episode as we RETHINK (see what I did there?) what we want the future of the show to look like. I hope you're able to tune in and say hi on today's episode!
May 11, 2021•54 min•Season 1Ep. 23
Now that we know the 6 Principles of Sexual Health, it's time to create our own Sexual Health Plan. Just like physical fitness, if we want to get healthy, it helps to develop a plan. The plan helps us move towards our goals, avoid damaging behaviors, and develop healthy habits. The plan typically involves some sort of support system. And our ability to succeed in following the plan means we need to have clarity around our values so that our plan is in alignment with them. Today we hope you leave...
May 11, 2021•58 min•Season 1Ep. 22
A few weeks ago, Utah's governor signed a bill to make porn filters mandatory on any mobile device or tablet sold in the state. This prompted an interesting conversation within our group about sexual ethics. The conversation was so interesting that we decided to stop having it without sharing it with you... So we're having it here. Today we're talking about using the 6 Principles for Sexual Health as a framework for your sexual ethics.
May 11, 2021•48 min•Season 1Ep. 21
Do you want to eradicate shame, and rebuild trust? Do you want honesty and transparency to thrive in your relationship? Well, telling the truth (or not keeping secrets) is only ONE part of honesty. The other part is making sure you have created an environment where your partner feels safe to be honest. In order for true honesty to exist, you HAVE to have rules of engagement for your relationship. In times of conflict or high emotional reactivity, there need to be agreements in place, and a code ...
May 11, 2021•1 hr 6 min•Season 1Ep. 15
Anyone who is struggling with porn problems is struggling with shame. You don't get one without the other. In our last episode, we talked about shame, where it comes from, and how it impacts us and our relationships. How it makes us want to hide... How it makes us feel unloveable... How it sends us into cycles of negative behavior and self-loathing... But we didn't talk about what to do when you're experiencing shame. Today, we share the light at the end of the tunnel. We will talk about the cou...
May 11, 2021•1 hr 2 min•Season 1Ep. 14
How Do I Find My Pleasure & Keep My Faith? This is a question that challenges many people... I cherish my faith. It's important to me. I don't want to give it up... But I also don't want to hold to my faith if it's doing me damage, or harming my relationship with myself or others... So, how do we develop and explore sexual pleasure without reliquishing our relationship with the divine? This is the conversation we'll be wrestling with today. Make sure to check out http://rethinkingpornaddicti...
Mar 30, 2021•1 hr 1 min•Season 1Ep. 20
There's a motif in Christianity of "bearing your cross." In Christianity, Jesus represents the ultimate human ideal. And despite being perfect, he's betrayed, tortured, and killed for crimes he did not commit. In the midst of all this, he takes upon himself the suffering, sins, and weaknesses of humanity. He voluntarily bears his cross by willingly taking on suffering and ultimately transcending suffering. The reason the story of Christianity has endured for thousands of years is not that Jesus ...
Mar 30, 2021•1 hr 1 min•Season 1Ep. 19
You keep it a secret, hoping nobody will ever find out. "I can manage this on my own." "My secrets aren't hurting anyone." "It's nobody else's business..." But you know if the wrong person found out, it could cause immense pain and damage to your relationships and your reputation. So you start to consider having a discussion... Revealing your true self to those you love. At least then you can do it on your own terms. But admitting out loud that you're struggling with porn feels impossible. "How ...
Mar 30, 2021•1 hr•Season 1Ep. 18
At the end of our last conversation, after we'd stopped recording, Hans shared an epiphany... It was an "ah ha!" moment for several of us. It shed light on why so many people have a hard time STOPPING their porn problems. I got goosebumps... As we talked about his epiphany (which we'll share with you today), we realized it came because Hans was living 2 of the Principles of Sexual Health: Honesty and Pleasure. We're excited to talk to you about the intersection of those two principles today....
Mar 30, 2021•1 hr 2 min•Season 1Ep. 17
We talk about boundaries a lot. Last week's conversation was ALL about boundaries and agreements. But rarely do we talk about what to do when a boundary is crossed, or when you cross a boundary. How should you react? What do you do? How you respond matters. It can make things better or worse. Today we're going to talk about the hard aspect of boundaries: How they are maintained and repaired when they've been breached. SHOW LESS
Mar 30, 2021•1 hr 1 min•Season 1Ep. 16
"I hate myself." "If anyone knew what I've done, they would be appalled." "I'm unworthy of love." These statements are fueled by sexual shame. The definition of sexual shame is: "... A visceral feeling of humiliation and disgust toward one’s own body and identity as a sexual being, and a belief of being abnormal, inferior and unworthy." Brené Brown says shame needs 3 things to thrive: Secrecy, silence, and judgement. So, today we're going to talk about sexual shame. Specifically, we'll talk abou...
Jan 12, 2021•1 hr 4 min•Season 1Ep. 13
I promise I'll stop looking at porn... I commit to my partner... I commit to myself... I commit to God... And yet, a few days/weeks/months later, I'm typing words in the search bar. Words I'm ashamed of. Then I sit and look at things that go completely against my values. Why can't I stop? Why do I feel so out-of-control? Why can't I just not look? How is this not an addiction? And if it's not... what is it? Let's talk bout that in this week's episode....
Dec 22, 2020•1 hr 1 min•Season 1Ep. 12
Exploitation is when a person leverages their power and control to get what they want. Do you have an outcome or a goal in mind when you tune in to our show? Is your goal to stop (or get your partner to stop) looking at porn? Is your goal to convince yourself or your partner that porn is acceptable, and not a problem? When you approach these sexual health conversations with a specific goal in mind, it's easy to subtly exploit your partner to get the outcome you desire. To find people or experts ...
Dec 22, 2020•1 hr 3 min•Season 1Ep. 11
(If you enjoy today's conversation, check out our other episodes at rethinkingpornaddiction.com) The conversation around pornography is often (sadly) one-sided. The husband is typically the one trying to stop watching porn, and all the focus is on him: Why does he watch it? What support does he need? When will he screw up again? Rarely do we give proper attention to the needs, experiences, and perspectives of the wife/partner. Today, in proper Rethinking Porn Addiction fashion, we're going to ha...
Dec 22, 2020•43 min•Season 1Ep. 10
If it's not medically accurate to call pornography an addiction (as we've talked about in past conversations), what does it mean when you feel out-of-control? How do you draw the line between problematic behavior that's outside your value system... and sexual behavior that's out of control? Is there a point where you should start to feel worried? When should you seek out help? How do you know whether or not you're downplaying a problem... or overreacting to one? Let's talk about it!...
Dec 22, 2020•1 hr 1 min•Season 1Ep. 9
Sexual Health and Healthy Sexuality... They sound the same, but they're not. Today we're going to dive deeper into the principles and ideas of sexual health. We'll talk about how everyone's definition of "Healthy Sexuality" is a little different. We'll talk a bit about the myth that there is no "moral floor." And we'll delve into what it looks like for you to start developing a more clear definition of sexual health for yourself, and for your relationship....
Dec 22, 2020•1 hr 1 min•Season 1Ep. 8
Most of us grew up feeling like our worthiness, our virtue, and our ability to be loved hinged on whether or not we were obeying certain rules or keeping commandments. When you break a rule or disobey a commandment, it can leave an irremovable stain on your character. Principles, on the other hand, are "a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning." They should be at the root of the "rules" we live by. Last week, ...
Dec 22, 2020•1 hr 2 min•Season 1Ep. 7
If I were to ask you how to develop physical health, you'd probably say something like, "Eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, and get 8 hours of sleep." You probably wouldn't say, "Don't get sick." But when we talk about developing sexual health, typically all we focus on is avoiding "disease." Staying away from the bad stuff... But sexual health isn't just moving away from things you don't want. It's moving towards things you DO want. So, in this conversation, we're going to start talking abo...
Dec 21, 2020•1 hr 2 min•Season 1Ep. 6
Things I've heard people say in the last week: "I'm addicted to Oreos." "I'm addicted to my phone." "My sister is addicted to heroin." "I'm addicted to porn." In each of these conversations, the word "addiction" was used. But I'm pretty sure someone being addicted to Oreos is not the same as being addicted to heroin. In this conversation, we're going to talk to the mental and sexual health experts. What does "addiction" actually mean? When is "addiction" the right word to use in relation to porn...
Dec 21, 2020•1 hr 4 min•Season 1Ep. 5
We all have beliefs around pornography. We have different beliefs about what pornography actually is. We have different beliefs about the damage porn can do us. We have different beliefs around sexual imagery is acceptable or not acceptable to view. At the source of our actions, our words, and even our emotions... are our beliefs. In order to RETHINK Porn Addiction, we must learn to get curious about our beliefs. Getting curious doesn't mean we need to CHANGE them. But by getting curious, we lea...
Dec 15, 2020•1 hr 2 min•Season 1Ep. 4
This week we're going to revisit the "What is Porn" conversation from last week (since we got a little sidetracked) and talk to you about some interesting things that came up for us regarding boundaries last week. We're glad you're here, and we're excited to continue the conversation with you.
Dec 15, 2020•50 min•Season 1Ep. 3
What I think of when I hear the word "pornography" is probably very different than what you think of when you hear the word "pornography." So... what does pornography actually mean? It's important to have a mutual understanding of what pornography is, or you can't talk about it productively. It can be scary to talk about, but remember what Dumbledore said to Harry Potter: "Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself." In this week's conversation, we're going to talk about what porn is, and...
Dec 12, 2020•1 hr•Season 1Ep. 2
"Why can't I stop looking at pornography? I hate this about myself." "My wife just found out about my addiction, now she wants a divorce... what can I do?" "I caught him looking up porn again. I'm devastated. What does this mean for our marriage?" Unwanted pornography viewing is leaving countless couples and individuals feeling betrayed, alone, and deeply ashamed. "Why can't I stop looking? I feel out-of-control. Am I evil?" "Doesn't he love me? Am I not enough for him? Is he going to hurt our k...
Dec 12, 2020•1 hr 9 min•Season 1Ep. 1
