Nurturing Student Connections with Jessica Taylor

Welcome to the Resilient Schools Podcast. We are here at the SDAC Bridging to Resilience we have here Jessica Taylor. Jessica, welcome to Resilient Schools. Appreciate Hello. Thank you for having me. Hello. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Oh, I'm excited because I was out here getting set up and then this woman comes and does a zoom call or something right next to my table. which gave me a great opportunity to test the background noise, so thank you for that.

and, what I saw when you were doing that was this love and, great admiration you have for the people that you work with. So tell us a little bit about that Zoom call first. when you talk. Yes, so, I am the Trauma Informed Specialist at an alternative

school in Nashville, Tennessee. and every morning we do morning announcements. at 8. 45. Today is actually my birthday. Happy birthday! Yay! it's been a big deal for the students because they really wanted to celebrate me. So they called me into the, meeting. so they could all tell me happy birthday. But then they wanted to get on camera so I could actually still see their faces.

being gone from them is very difficult, because I'm the first person they see in the morning. when they're doing check ins in the morning, it's me. So, not only is it valuable for them, it is also very valuable for me. So, not only So, you do check ins with them every day? Every day. And, what do you do in your check ins? I mean, a lot of it is, just that simple relationship of hey, good morning. So glad to see you. if it's on a Monday, you know, did you have a good weekend? what did you do?

once we've built that relationship, they'll say, I'm gonna need a minute with you before I go up. Cool. Great. And they typically have a seat because they know that I have to finish with the regular morning check in. sometimes it's them telling me about what they did at work last night. Sometimes it's telling me a new game that they found. and then sometimes it's just that chat of, how's it going?

said that, uh, was They know I need to get through the rest of the check in, so they go have a seat. And this is something that we, especially when we're dealing with trauma situations, we think everything is urgent. And the reality is, it's not all urgent. But it often feels like it's urgent. So, what did you have to do to help them see that there's a time and a place, and that time and place does not necessarily have to be right this second? have to be right this second?

is kind of that co teaching, too. and because of that trust, they may be anxious, waiting. I always follow through. So it's really just trust building. Um, and a lot of times, too, I get to know the students. I know how they react to certain situations. So for some, they will sit in the cafeteria because they can still physically see me. So they know I'm not going anywhere. They know that I'm right there. others are okay with... Okay, well I'm going to be in Dr. Brewer's class. Just come get me.

Okay, great. But it's knowing each child for who they are. And that I think is so key because If you know who each individual is, then you know what they need, how to respond to them. Now, the other part of this is that you're gone at a conference in another state, so it is a big deal. And is this the first time you've done that, or have you done this before? right. When Mm-Hmm.

. So I may have Six months, I may have you for a year, and depending on what has happened, I may only have you for three months. but with that being said, it's also like a carousel of students. but once they're there, and one thing that I always tell them, we do an orientation process, so they know what our expectations are, what we call the wellness zone staff. I always tell them that 9 out of 10 times you will never hear me call you my students, you're always my kids.

and once you're with me, you're with me whether you're back at your home school or you're here. So, it is very much like leaving my own child at home. Okay. And so that idea of being able to step away, take care of your own professional learning, that kind of stuff. a conference like this is incredibly powerful because you're networking with people, you're learning new things, and you're developing skills and other things during that time. but it's still hard for people to get away.

What would you say has been your experience at this conference so far? Why was it worthwhile for people to come? So in Nashville they have been a little quote unquote kind of ahead of the game

on the whole trauma informed practices. That isn't necessarily a nationwide thing yet. So I went to a conference two years ago in Arizona and then even this one to see the difference at how far as a whole we've become is amazing. To continue to hear like the stories like listening to Stacey Nation this morning some of it is, okay, I am doing this right, I've got this, but also there's still consistently, things to learn. I've got this, way.

about so one of the validation pieces I got from Stacey this morning was, I've always let kids sleep in my class, and never had a problem with it. And what she said today was, kids sleep when they feel safe. And I was like, yeah, that is very true. And so, maybe it's not such a big deal that somebody's sleeping in my class. And, I always said, similar to that, that the kid obviously needs sleep. otherwise they wouldn't actually be asleep, you know, so why not just let them? what's the big deal?

so what are some of the, validating things that you've heard, so far? so a lot of times that co regulation and that tapping, just kind of that stretching, what do they need, what is underneath, yes they have this behavior maybe, but. Okay, well they're going through X, Y, and Z. I also just left with, I can't remember her name, but the behaviors. sometimes when they're upset, they just need you to be there. You don't have to speak to them.

You don't have to talk to them. It's just that presence of being there, with that co regulation. And I think a lot of times... What I really work with my teachers on, and really even some of the admin, is the coagulation piece, you don't have to just put them in a room, or leave them alone, just be present with admin, is the co interrelation is a lot different than lecturing, it's a lot different than coaching or teaching, and it's a lot different than doing something else, right?

And so, sometimes the... Presence of being there is enough. Sometimes they need you to just sit there and not do anything with them. sometimes those are hard decisions to make of what, like, do you really need me or should I be actually working? are you at the point where you're having those conversations with kids and saying what do you need from me right now? And what does that look like?

I do actually have one particular student every day during lunch she comes to my room and When she first came she hated my room because there was too much positivity in the room, she told me. Um, she was like, it's gonna rub off on me. And I was like, it's okay. I always say, alright, look, you can talk, you don't have to talk. where are we at? do you want me to sit here? Do you want me to, ask them, like, what do you want? So now when she comes into the room.

She lets me know, okay, I need you at your desk or I want you on the rocking chair. and we just go from there. So really, I think too, like just teaching them the skills of that self advocating about what you need and then truly listening to what they're saying they Yeah, yeah. that's powerful. So, what advice would you have for someone who is interested in this kind of stuff and, Maybe doesn't know exactly where to start, or maybe has

been given an assignment or a role but doesn't know exactly what to do. How do you suggest people learn new things, about this kind of work? one, it's...

Find your people, find someone, rather that kind of doing research on the internet and looking at different, like Bruce Perry, or whoever it might be, looking up different things, well then finding those people within your school system, or within your community, um, and reach out to them, ask for help, we don't know what we don't know, um, and especially in the world of trauma and behavior, It's consistently revolving.

We all like to think we know the answer and what's going on, but we don't and that's okay. And I think that reassurance of hey, there's gonna be days that like you probably mess up, but we all have and it's okay. But the biggest takeaway in that too is when you're working with these kids if you mess up, be like, you own up to it, be like, I did not handle that well, and I'm real sorry, like, what could we maybe do better?

Um, so again, it's just kind of, don't force a relationship on anybody, just be you. it's okay, and everybody's gonna be different. Um, you may have the same exact job title. But each individual is different, just like each individual kid is different. Yeah, and I, I think that piece is so important because you really have to be you. Because when you're not you, you come across as inauthentic.

And so when you're trying to do something the way Stacey Nation does it, or Jim Sporlier does it, or whoever else you admire, if you're trying to do things like they would, it's, it's not gonna work. And you have to do things like you would do it. And so, that also can be difficult because you don't know what the quote unquote right thing to do is. And so, you just do the best you can with what you got, and you just move forward. What, what's your advice to someone who's, who's feeling that?

Like, I don't know if this is the right thing or not. I think it's at the end of the day when you're, when you're driving home, look at. What's one thing, like, a positive takeaway that you took? Is that something that is going to continue to drive you? Or do you really have to struggle to find? a positive take away. And if you do, it's okay.

Just, we all have an idea of like what the job might be or what we think it is or what we're supposed to do, but if it ends up not being what's best for you, that's okay. Just like it's okay to make a mistake. It's okay if you realize this is too much for me. It's too emotional for me. It's too, and I think there does come maturity in the fact of Then kind of realizing, alright, this, here's what I like about this, so what else can I maybe find?

Then kind of you're doing at your school that you're really proud of? Where you're like, this is amazing, everybody needs to know about it. proud of? Okay, I did not realize this was going to be such a big deal last year. So, because they all have social media, they all snap, they all do the thing. Well, last Christmas. So we typically start to have kind of like kids that go back at the end of December before the second semester but then we also Because the last week is exam.

So it's only half days for all my high schoolers So each day we did a different like we did a hot chocolate bar We did I did a photo booth Christmassing, but with that I took selfies with all of them Some of them hated it some of them whatever but I printed out Two so one went onto my wall and then I handed them one When they left, and now I've got a new, like, they're still on the wall, so then now any time that you leave, like, if you're going back to your homeschool, you always

get a selfie with Miss T, um, because it's gonna go on the wall, so much so that, one, the kids that left last year were very concerned that their photo was gonna be taken down, um, so we've developed a plan on where it should go, but I think, It's, because I do have an, like, Thursday, last Thursday, so I do also go out to the JDC, the Juvenile Detention Center, so if any of my students go, or whatever, I actually can go out there just to do a check in.

I'm not here to tell you, like, you shouldn't have done X, Y, and Z, um, but it's just a, hey, I'm here. It was a former student, I got to see him, and the first thing he said was, Do you have that other picture that we took at the end of the year? And I was like, yeah, I was like, I have the one from Christmas too. And he goes, no, I have that one. It's on my dresser, but I need one for my wallet.

And he says, because you said before Christmas break, he goes, you said, okay, if we think about doing something that we shouldn't do, look at the picture and be like, what would miss Taylor Oh, man And he goes, I think I need one of my wallet now. Cause I might not be here. So it's the, it's all the different connections. And this is a kid who. didn't speak a whole lot. Like, I mean, we fist bumped. He would check in with me when it was really bad.

But when he was like, Oh no, I have that photo. It's on my dresser. It was just like, let me try not to cry right now. So it's, it's the photos. It's just that personal piece. And I think the fact that not only do I have it hanging, I give them a copy Yeah. And smartphones are amazing, computers are amazing, but the problem is that it's all just a big sheet of glass, right? And so, it's the same no matter what.

It's just a piece of glass and it's not like a physical thing that's sitting there that you can say, like, this book for example. Like, this is a physical thing. I can I can look at it and I can hold it and I can feel it. And when it's a picture of you and someone that you know cares about you, then that's a little bit different. One of the things that I do to stay connected to my kids when I travel is I write them each a postcard every single day. And I send it to them from wherever I'm at.

And, and so this is a very little thing. And they don't ever say thank you. I don't care. They don't need to. But I know that they get it. Getting mail always feels good. getting something physical. I can text them, I can FaceTime them, but when I actually like give them a card that, that sent to them in the mail, it has a different feeling, a different experience, and that's the kind of thing that I'm going for. So, I love that idea. I think that's incredibly powerful.

Good. Uh, anything else that you feel like we should talk about? I don't think, and I guess to kind of, well I do want to go back quickly to how we kind of even first met. You forget, like, they've also had to do a reminder every day on the morning announcements. Hey, Ms. Taylor's not here, so don't look for her. Like, remember, she's not there. but I think it's just like it's just as important to them. It's just as important to me.

just like the one kid who was like, No, I need, like, hold on, like, Mr. Motorswap, turn on the camera, like, I need her to see me. Like, and just to be able to have that physical, even face to face for a second. So they know that I'm okay, even if I'm in a far, far away, in a different state, to see that. Yeah, but that's what real connection is like. You want to...

See and be seen as well and and that's how you know that it's a real connection is that you both want that and and I think that's really powerful. Okay, this has been awesome. Thank you.

Yes, thank you. we may need to chat again in the future. So this doesn't have to be the last time. Perfect.