Fostering Hope and Courage with Sydney Perkins

We are here at the Bridging to Resilience Conference in Wichita, Kansas, and we have here with us Sydney Perkins. Sydney, welcome to Resilient Schools. Thank you. I'm very glad to be here. I have not had a chance to do this yet. And I am very glad that my principal just happened to catch me after

school one day and asked if I would want to, come be a part of this. And I really am glad that I took her up on the offer. Good, good. So, why did she want you to come? I don't even think that like we had gotten any information about it. Some of us were staying after school working and she came down my hall and she just asked if I wanted to come.

So did you know anything about what this conference was about beforehand? We have had other staff members in our building, they've attended Bridging to Resilience before, and, I know a teacher in my building, she's even presented at the conference before as well, and so I knew a little bit about it, but I just I just didn't didn't know what to expect. It's like when people say you had to be there, to really know. What has been your takeaways so far?

Um, Every day after I leave here, I just go over and over in my mind, I just put it into like one word Hopeful, Powerful, Inspirational, Encouraging, Brave, courageous, challenging. Tons of things. Yeah, so you teach kindergarten, right? Yes. And so, you're working with young kids that are sometimes fresh out of the home, their first out of the home experience. What does this stuff, what are you learning that's helping you with working with kids that young?

Really helping me to, like I've heard before, you know, don't take things personally, or the child's behavior isn't because of you. And I feel like that has really kind of like resonated with me after some of the things that I've heard at the conference. And has really, shifted my mind. mind, And. tried to, just put myself in the students shoes, and see it from their perspective. Like, maybe they're not communicating to me with their words, what they need.

And that's what, my administrator and I've heard other educators say before, too, is behavior is a form of communication. right. It's difficult for adults to communicate like this. It's sometimes impossible for kids to communicate really what's going on in their bodies, in their hearts and their feelings. So, what are some of the things that you're doing already or that you've learned at this conference that you need to be paying more attention to?

When we had staff members, I attend Bridging to Resilience.

In the past they've shared things that they took away from the conference. They shared it with our whole staff, like at a staff meeting. One of the things that I was interested in was tapping. Once I heard about it, I YouTubed it, cause there's a video, it's tapping for kids. I started using that in my classroom. And can you tell us about tapping? Sure. Sure. What is that for those who don't Tapping. It's just like a calming strategy and it's tapping on all your pressure points.

And then while you're tapping, you repeat like positive affirmations. And I just feel like to release like some of the stress and things going on for kids. I do morning meeting every day, and I vary it. So sometimes it's like a circle up, sometimes it's like a partner sharing kind of thing. I do a lot of social skills stories, and I have puppets that I use. I do a lot of breathing. I think breathing is really important for calming. My kids are little and so I know that they have to move.

And so I try to recognize that, when they need to move. One of the speakers yesterday said that, kids should not be sitting longer in minutes, than their age in years. Yes. So that's like every five minutes you gotta be moving in kindergarten. Is that what you're trying to do with movement?

Some days it's harder than others. Something that I was thinking about today, all of these social emotional things are so important, to do with kids, like, de escalation strategies, calming, breathing, those things, but then it's like, kids are five years old and I have to try and also incorporate movement all throughout the day and like you said every five minutes and then I feel pressure as a teacher well I have to teach them how to add and subtract or I have to

teach them to read so I feel it's just pressure from like the administration or my district that I have to, well my kids have to read and write and do math it's going to show in my test scores and things like that so that's frustrating because I wholeheartedly believe that, social skills are so important and

I'm honest with parents at conferences and I tell them, I will do my best to help your kid be able to read and write and add and subtract and count but my priority is to help them be good human beings. Like when they leave my classroom, I just hope that they are a kind person. I don't know any other way to say it. Yeah, that's great. I think that's a really important perspective to take because, nobody's going to remember any lessons that you do.

I mean, you're going to do 180 lessons throughout the year. a kid might remember one or two of them, maybe, which is less than 1 percent of your lessons. But what they are going to remember are those deeper things that you taught them. And one of my beliefs is that when you actually learn something spiritually, like at a deeper level, I use the word spiritually. You can use whatever other word you want. When you learn something spiritually, you never forget it.

And so when kids learn that you love them, when kids learn that they, have the ability to chase their dreams and accomplish them, when they learn what it feels like to set a goal and accomplish that goal, that's a really powerful thing that nobody ever forgets. You remember that stuff. There's even been studies on people who learn how to ride a bike that you don't forget that even if you get amnesia. And the powerful thing there is that there are certain things that you don't forget.

And reading is one of those skills that you're most likely not going to forget how to read. So it's foundational and important. But also, is not as important as the kind of person that you're going to be. Well, they just then they say to you like relationships, relationships, relationships, connection is so important. And I, 100 percent agree with that too. I mean, if you don't have a relationship with someone, then you're not going to be interested in learning or being with them.

Yeah, yeah, totally. And it's so important to have that relationship because the relationship is what allows you to know when and how to push, know when and how to back off and have patience and have empathy and when to have accountability and all those kinds of things. And in kindergarten, like kids love everybody. So that probably is pretty easy, but it gets harder as they get older.

What would be your advice to older grade teachers to help, do more to connect and build relationships with kids. Man. I don't know if I could pinpoint one thing, or even if I have, the right answer. I just, you have to get to know the kids. While we're talking about this, I'm just thinking of one particular student in my class. who I have a relationship with, and he respects me, and if I need to, Get him back on task or remind him of the expectations or whatever. He will do it willingly.

Knows that I have taken the time to build that relationship with him. I have private conversations with him. And I guess that's one thing I would say is like,

You can't call students out in front of everyone else. Especially students who come with trauma because they already feel that stress. And, they may have low self esteem about themselves too. And if you take the time to work with them one on one. And just really get to know, their strengths or, even their weaknesses and help them know how to, cope , or handle, struggles, yeah.

And this goes back to what you were saying before about really knowing the kids and building relationships with them, because the truth is, your

default should not be to call out a kid in front of everybody else. Once you know a kid and you know that actually is not harmful to that kid, but it actually like. helps them see the reality of the situation, then you should call them out in front of their peers, because you know them well enough to know this is what's going to work in the moment.

And so much of our thoughts and beliefs about how we should manage classrooms and students and stuff comes down to like these ways of getting everybody to be the same, right? And having them all conform to each other. And the reality is, we need to see them as individuals and respect them as individuals and be able to say, Hey, I know that this is going to work for you. I'm not going to treat this other kid over here the exact same, because it's not going to work for them.

So, I'm going to treat you as an individual. That, that's so important, but so challenging for adults with 30, 35 kids in the classroom. But it's really the most effective way to do it. Anything you'd add there? and you can get out there. uh, in closing, Sydney, Kristen, I think you, you have all this stuff you've gotten over the last three days.

What is one action that you're going to take as a result of being at Bridging to Resilience? I guess the one thing that's coming to my mind is like, just being mindful, And intentional, Figure out what, specific thing is that my students need and how can I be intentional For helping them get their basic needs met And remembering that they are human too Yeah. Which I I'm honest with my students too. I tell them like even I make mistakes.

Nobody's perfect But yeah in the moment when the behaviors It's hard to remember when I'm feeling dysregulated and I'm feeling, while this is frustrating for me that this student is behaving this way, what can I do to remember the behavior is not about me, so don't take it personally, and how am I going to respond and not react, how can I respond and meet that student where they are and get Than what they need in that moment.

It's funny you and several others have brought up the idea that behavior is not personal and, my first presentation on trauma that I ever did, that was my suggestion. One of the things that you can do is make sure that you don't take the behavior personally.

And I had somebody come to me after that session and say, you know, Jethro, that really is not good advice because Everything is personal to teachers and I was like be that as it may you still can't take it personally because this kid is not directing it at you and I still remember feeling like this person was wrong they were saying you can't tell people not to take it personally and I was like no you have to not take it personally you if you take it personally it's just gonna

destroy you and It was so interesting because they were adamant that I not say that anymore in my presentations and This was like what six years ago or something or five years ago somewhere around there Anyway, I just remember that and so it's so reaffirming to hear you say that here other people here say that I and I to hear you say that struggling day. I have in the class How do I not take this when it is when it happens for me, and hear other people here say that.

Again, it's frustrating for me, but then, like, if I have a substitute, or we have specials classes, so they have different teachers for P. E. and science and all those classes, and things, so when the student acts that way towards me, but doesn't act that way towards other teachers or adults, then I do feel like it is, it is me. And so, that's what I've been struggling with. So when you're like giving advice to other people on this podcast, you're giving that advice right to yourself.

Yes. Yeah.

Sydney, this has been awesome. Thank you so much for your time and thanks for being part of resilient schools. Yeah. It's amazing. I feel honored. I mean, really, there's so many emotions going on, since I've been here and it's been, like one of the best experiences of my life. So thanks for having me. You're welcome. Thank you.