Empathy in Teaching with Sarah Reade

Welcome to the Resilient Schools podcast. I am here live at the SDAC Bridging to Resilience Conference and interviewing several people from this conference. And Sarah, why don't you start by telling us a little bit about yourself.

about yourself? I am a second grade teacher. I have three kids of my own been married to my husband for many years. I grew up in a very traditional household with a mom and a dad and never had to want for anything. And it wasn't until I started teaching that I realized how privileged I am. how privileged This is my second year. I am. This is my second year. Um, Do it now.

I had my degree in education, and then we started having children, and so I decided that I needed to spend time with them at home, so I was at home with them for 12 years before I jumped back into the field of education. I worked for a year as an aide in the school that I'm at currently, and then a position opened up in second grade, and I took it. Okay. is this your kid's school? It is. Okay. You're there with your kids each day, and you're there with them? Kids in the community, right?

And we just heard a little bit ago that you're the teacher of one of the people from SDAC who's putting the conference on and she said you're the best so That's good I had a tough act to follow too, cause her first grade teacher is phenomenal, that makes me feel like maybe I'm doing something right. Yeah so There are a lot of things that go into teaching and we're here at the Bridging to Resilience Conference talking about not much academic stuff, but the other stuff. Why are you here?

We are a school that is focusing on the trauma informed care and really looking at the way we respond to our kids and they, we have, we've sent staff members to this conference for the last three or four years this year it was my turn. My principal reached out and just asked if I wanted to and I signed up without any without hesitation, but also without knowing exactly what I was getting into. What have you learned? What do you mean when you say you didn't know what you were getting into?

I don't know. I don't think I expected to feel the raw emotion that has come with the last few days. Being able to hear the kids stories is so impactful. I teach second grade, so they're seven and eight years old, and they're not always going to be able to verbalize or want to verbalize how they feel at school, but to hear from the kids who are older and hear their experiences. Really makes you stop and think about the kind of impact that you're having on them.

Yeah. do you feel this pressure on you now because you've come and experienced this? I think the only pressure I feel is to love them more. them. Oh, wow. Sarah, that is powerful. Why do you feel that? Because there's so many of them that, that don't have that. And they can't learn until they're loved and until they feel safe. Yeah. I tell my kids almost every day, my number one job is to keep them safe.

And lots of times that's because we're making choices that aren't keeping us safe in our classroom. But I also want them to know that before anything else, I'm here for them. I'm here to keep them safe. I'm here to love on them. And then we'll worry about whether you know your edition facts or whether you know how to read this paragraph. I think that if you really dug into this thing that you just said, that you need to love them more.

And if that was your priority, the safety, the learning, the academics. All of that would follow behind it. Is that how you feel too? Absolutely. So why do you feel like love is so important? Because it's lacking in so many of their lives. Yeah. Just, to the degree that it needs to be there. I know I can do that with my children, but if all of the children in our classroom or school or community aren't feeling that, then we're not setting them up for success.

I Yeah. I think that's really powerful. I recently read a book called The Law of Love by former 49ers quarterback, Steve Young. And who would have thought that a NFL quarterback would write a book called The Law of Love, but it was really amazing. And he talked about how loving others is essential.

So many times we are transactional in things, especially in schools, and it can be really tough, but he talks about loving people without transaction, loving people without expectation of anything in return, and how that is so powerful.

What does that look like in a second grade classroom for you? that means showing up every day, regardless of how the day before went, regardless of what's going on in my own life. It means showing up for them. Being a steady figure for them, being consistent, greeting them at the door, letting them know that they matter, developing those relationships to just give them a little bit of comfort. Yeah and the things that you're describing are really things where you know them individually.

And you know them as people first. How do you do that in your classroom? It's little things, it's little conversations that lead to more It's starting with hobbies, it's starting with what did you do this weekend it's Taking an interest in what they take an interest in. in what they I had so many kids last year that loved Pokemon, and I do not love Pokemon. But I got those cards out and we looked at them and we talked about them. We designed our own cards.

It's just Finding a way to make a connection with each one of them and it's not all gonna be the same because they're not the same kids but I think you doing a whole class activity with Pokemon cards made the kids who don't like Pokemon also feel like Maybe she'll do something for me. What would that look like for you, going forward from here, to show more love, to understand them better? What are some this is what I'm gonna do now, what are some takeaways for you? It's overwhelming, right?

firehose. The last few days have felt like a firehose. And I'm one of those people that want to take everything that you do, everything that you learn, and apply it all right away. And I, it's gonna take a little bit for me to really digest and figure out. What's the first thing that, aside from walking into that classroom tomorrow morning and giving them all hugs and loving on them, that's a good first step. Don't you think? I do. I do. And And so you've missed them while you've been gone.

And why have you missed them so much?

I think because they make just as much of an impact on me as I could potentially make on them. We're a family at this point in the year. It's been three months and we, good and bad it's a family and we all need each other. What are you going to do next? step is going to keep pouring into the relationship. letting them know individually that I see them, that I'm here for them, that they're safe and they're loved and I'm going to be there regardless.

see them, that I care for them, that they're safe there regardless. Yeah. You're young in your teaching career, but experienced in life. And what lessons outside of the classroom do you bring to bear for your students? I think I bring us a bit of resiliency myself. I never give up attitude. Always seeing the good in others. good Just trying to make the world a better place. the world a better place. Yeah. Those a profound impact, don't you think? So you've learned a ton.

You got all these fire hose coming at ya. What questions do you still have? What things are you still trying to understand and figure out? I don't know. How do we help the kids that just aren't ready yet? Aren't ready for what? Aren't ready to open up to a relationship. Aren't ready to... Trust. I don't want to leave anybody behind. I don't want anybody to walk out of my classroom not knowing that they're loved. To think that I, that any of them , it just breaks my heart.

to just How do we help, how do we help the hardest kids? Yeah. How do we get through to them that we are who we say we are? That they can trust us, that they will be loved, regardless of... I think that's the love that we were talking about without transaction. Like it doesn't matter what you do. I still love you. I still care about you. You still matter. You're still worthy.

Yeah. I'm excited to see what you do with that because I can see in your face that this is not just like a casual, Oh yeah, that'd be cool. Let me give an answer to this question. That's like the thing that looks like it's really weighing on you. That's the part where, and I imagine you probably have a kid or two in mind that are resisting your attempts to, to make them feel loved and. Let me ask you a little different question. Do they need to reciprocate for them to feel your love? No. not?

I guess as long as I'm giving it at some point they're gonna realize. Yeah. I think you're absolutely right. And I think that point's going to come a lot earlier than their actions are going to show it. In my work with teachers, one of the things they think is that If they're not getting the same thing back, then it's not there, but that's not true. And especially working in situations where kids have experienced trauma you can feel like I failed because they never opened up to you.

But that's not what's important. What's important is you consistently showing them that you love them. That you're there for them, that doesn't matter what they do, you still care about them. Those things are what really matters. And all too often we get stuck in a trap as teachers thinking, I need them to open back up to me. But you don't. To show them love, you don't need them to ever open up to you. Do you believe that, or does that sound crazy?

you don't Because I think that I tie so much to their response as far as whether they're receiving it the way I intend it. Does that make sense? Sure. you just come to expect some sort of response when you give. And for some of those kids, it's, they're just not, they just can't get it. Yeah. Or they Or they won't, yeah. So the thing about that is getting something back from them. We need love too, right? And so we desire that and hope for it, but true love is loving them regardless of that.

Yeah. And so you're going to have students that are never going to open up and show you that love back, but they'll still know that you love them. And that's what matters. That's right. But it's hard to see that It is. because you want that reciprocation. You want that transaction, but you can't always have it. No. So I think that in that situation, when that doesn't come back, it becomes really difficult because you want it and you feel like you need it.

But the reality is you don't actually need it. You just want it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. If you could take one thing from the fire hose and just pull out the simplest way you can explain it to somebody else. You don't have to get it perfect, you don't have all the details, none of that matters. One simple thing that you can pull out from something that you've learned that you're like, this is the thing I want to remember. What would that be?

Stacey Nation said something yesterday about how empathy will lead you to the right answers. Nation And it's highlighted, it's circled and starred in my notes and I think that's something that I'm going to carry with me for a long time. Yeah. Cool. Sarah, thank you so much for being part of Resilient Schools. This was awesome. I know it was a little nerve wracking, but I'm so proud of you. You did a great job. This was a wonderful conversation. Thank you.