¶ Intro / Opening
Hi everybody .
I'm Elena and I'm here with Liam and you're listening to Till the Wheels Fall Off . In this podcast , we will talk about everything from the epidemic of brain rot to addiction as a teen .
We started this podcast to prove that teenagers struggle with real world problems and how to battle them biblically . So today's topic is about insecurities
¶ Introduction to Teen Insecurities
. I know I personally struggle with a lot of insecurities as a woman or a teenage girl , but how do you guys ?
I think we do in the same way . It's just that how we do is we constantly close ourselves off because we don't want to be a burden to anybody , we don't want to feel like we're weighing anybody down . We don't want to talk about it because we feel like it makes us less of a man .
I mean , it can be anything , just comparing yourself to the way others look like , especially on social media , your strength , just not waking up early , not taking care of yourself , which is all things you have to improve about yourself .
But most people get in their head about it and , uh , just think that they never can yeah , I know I personally struggle with not only like the physical aspects of it , but it's like oh , she can sing , good , oh , she can draw , and I'm just like I can talk , that's I can , I can talk , yeah , uh , I feel that way as well .
Like , uh , with strength , like that's I can , I can talk . Yeah , I feel that way as well . Like with strength , like that's . That's one of the main things that guys do talk about is uh , you walk up to a guy , how much can you bench press ?
You know , we're constantly comparing ourselves to each other just to see if we're better than one another , when , um , I feel like that's not really healthy , to be honest . We constantly try to figure out who's better than one another . It's , it's like it's not really healthy , to be honest . We constantly try to figure out who's better than one another .
It's like it's always a competition and that's the way society has made it today . I feel like it's terrible . I mean , I don't know what your opinion on that is , alayna .
It's definitely in girls . It's more or less like how much do you weigh ? Oh , what size do you wear ? Or , like I know me personally , I have a lot of scars on my body .
So like whenever I go out to go swimming or something , and there's all these skinny little , skinny little blonde girls and they're skinny little bathing suits that just look perfect , you're just kind of like I want to go home now yeah , um , guys , guys could be that way about each other .
It's just like , uh , in the way that we do it , we'll just constantly hide , we'll hide from ourselves , we'll constantly lie to ourselves to make ourselves feel better , but deep down inside we know that we're messed up . But I feel like at the same time , guys in today's society have been trained .
They feel like they don't talk to anybody , that they shouldn't talk to anybody , that they shouldn't tell anybody about their problems , that they should just deal with it and get over it . And it's terrible because it constantly weighs down on you and it feels like you're just carrying a weight all the time . It's hard to talk to anybody .
I don't know about your experience with that , elena .
It's definitely hard to talk to people , especially when , like , you're trying to talk to someone that you like wish you had one of their aspects . Like you said , it's a constant world of comparison and in today's world , it's certain guys you know they have to . They're like oh , I have to be masculine , I have to be the strongest , I have to be the biggest .
And then now , in today , today's society , you've got all of this feminine men makeup , masculine women going into the gym . As
¶ Gender Differences in Insecurity Struggles
a girl and seeing these women that are built like bodybuilders , you're like I wish I was that strong , but I don't want to look masculine . Like that's . One of my fears is looking masculine when it comes to working out , and I know guys struggle with like they don't want to look feminine and stuff like that .
Yeah , yeah it's . I feel like we're constantly held to a standard by each other and we constantly feel like we have to prove to one another that we're good enough .
I feel like there is a certain point where that is okay to to want to do good , to want to be the best that you can be , but eventually I think it becomes harmful because , like , um , we were moving , uh , railroad times one day and I constantly wanted to pick one up just to prove to everybody that I was strong , that I could do it .
But I mean , you can get hurt doing that crap . You can strain and you can pull a muscle . You can do plenty of things that will mess you up just by trying to prove to everyone else that you're good enough . When you have to realize that it's not a race against you and everybody else , it's just a race against you and yourself .
You know how to be better , how to constantly improve .
That's how it is , like girls . I know I specifically struggled with not being strong , like I was in weight class , like that was one of my classes in ninth grade and whenever I went in there there I could not bench , press nothing .
I couldn't squat , I couldn't deadlift and that made me very insecure because even like the skinniest of girls could lift weights and I wasn't skinny like I was , I was a little chunky , I was a little big . So coming in and like seeing these super skinny girls be able to do it , it kind of you're like well , if they can do it , why can't I ?
And then you add , in the pressures of social media nowadays that our parents didn't necessarily have , so they don't really understand .
Like you know , whenever I open my phone and I look on Instagram or I look on TikTok and I see these girls who are just like built perfect and like subconsciously you know it's probably edited , but you're still like dang , I wish I looked like that like they get all these likes , all these followers , and I've got my mom following me , you know see , guys can
do that same thing with , like other people in the gym who will be on like a certain performance enhancing drugs .
We can say that we know that they're on something and that it doesn't affect us because we know that they are . But really it does still make a slight compromise in our minds , like dang , and it also kind of makes us want to compromise , to do those things just so we could be like those people , when really the human body isn't made to be like that .
We just look around and we try to say that we're not affected by it , but really we are and we just don't want to accept it .
Yeah Well , and that comes along with the comparison of , like you know , even within your own household . I have a bunch of siblings and I have my parents and it's always a constant world of comparison .
You know , you don't look like your sister or you're not as smart as your brother , or things like that , and like my parents are very active and I'm very , I want to stay at home and watch a movie , like no , I don't want to go on a run , and so that can kind of come into it as well .
It's just constant comparison , even within your old household , like with your friends , and then definitely within yourself in that mirror , you know , just looking at yourself and being like , well , this doesn't look like her .
Or you know , I've got acne , or my teeth are yellow , and it's things like that , and it's just the little things that nobody else thinks about . Like that's what you have to think about . Nobody else is looking at that thing on you except for yourself . No one else notices that .
No one else notices how your teeth are two shades darker than the white piece of paper on the table .
But you know , you notice that because you're yourself and you're constantly thinking about every little imperfection see , that's the thing is that we're just always trying to put ourselves down instead of trying to push ourselves back up . And it's hard in today's society , because that's that's all we want to do nowadays is just push ourselves down .
But really we should try . Really we should be trying to lift each other up instead of just always trying to put each other down and try to show off who's better and who's stronger , who's smarter . It doesn't matter about those things . I mean , those are all things that you can improve .
You shouldn't look at those things constantly every day and let them weigh you down . You should look at those things and say , okay , well , yeah , I'm not as good as this person in this , but if I would put in the work every day and if I would be better , if I would try harder , then maybe I could be the same as that person .
But in the end , really none of those things matter . Truly , truly matter . It's all . It's all
¶ Social Media and Comparison Culture
down to you and what you want to be and who you are .
Yeah , one of my main struggles for a long time was , you know , things that I can't necessarily control .
So , like , I have a very soft jawline , whereas my brother has a very sharp jawline and no matter how much weight that I would lose , or the facial exercises or the like skin tightening stuff , I'm always going to have a soft jawline because that's what I was born with . And you know , my eyes are two different colors .
If you pay attention , they're brown around the pupil and then they're like a greenish blue looking color on the outside . And I have a little sister and she has partial heterochromia , which means she has a yellow strip all the way across her blue eyes and I always thought that's so cool . But she's 11 now and she , like she'll cry about it .
She'll be like kids at school think I'm weird and I'm like dude , that's so cool . I wish I had something like that . But it's like even those permanent things that you really can't control , that that'll really get to you because there's really nothing you can do about it .
So , um , insecurities themselves cause a lot of things when it comes to the way that you live your life , like every day . Um , what what personally , like affects you affects me .
Um , just being happy for real , uh , being happy with who I am . Being able to look at myself in the mirror and say , uh , I'm okay with what I'm looking at . And it's hard and I've worked on it for real a good bit , but it's hard to just look at yourself some days and say , man , you're good looking , you know .
Just to be happy with yourself , wouldn't you agree , elena ?
Yeah , I get that look in the mirror and to be like . You know I have to like have little sticky notes over my mirror and you know God created you like this for a reason . You know you were made for such a time as this . Um , you know she's more precious than rubies and pearls , which is kind of a feminine thing .
But , like I know , in my case , whenever I get super insecure about something , um , I very much like isolate myself , like I don't want to be around people , I don't want to hang around my friends . You know you get that anxiety of like , if I can see it , everyone else can see it too , and it's just like I don't want to go anywhere .
No , I don't want to go to the gym with you .
No , like you know , I'm kind of like that um , I'll shut myself down in my own mind , I'll uh , I want everything to be quiet , just so I can focus on that one thing and just get in my head about it and just uh , not be able to overcome it . And it's hard . It's hard to just dig yourself out of your own hole that you dig in .
It's terrible , for real yeah , I get that .
Um , you know , when it comes to shutting off your mind , you know having insecurities can actually like cause , like anxiety , which can lead to depression , and both anxiety and depression shut off different parts of your mind .
Like , if you view an MRI of someone with depression , it's going to be a lot darker than someone who is known for being happy , and it can actually cause learning disorders , adhd , someone who can't focus , or someone with ADD who hyper , focuses on every little thing you know .
And then perfectionism , ocd , you know everything has to be perfect and if it's not , I'm going to like crash out .
I get like that sometimes , uh , where everything about me has to be just right , or everything about something that I'm doing has to be perfect , otherwise I won't be good enough . I won't be able to show , like my parents or my friends , that I'm good enough , that I'm worthy .
I'm not able to prove myself unless it's all just perfectly right yeah , and that can also lead into like appearance choices , like what you choose to do with your appearance . I know I used to struggle very much with like being bigger .
Yeah , like I used to be bigger , so I would always wear like the baggy jeans and like the hoodies or the sweatpants and I'd always kind of dress like a little boy . I had blonde hair at that point and I just like I let everybody else's opinions control what I did .
And now obviously you can tell that I've come to be more with like myself and how I want to look , which gets me judgment , which sometimes gets in my head . I know , whenever I got my nose pierced and I got my piercings on the top of my ear , the first thing , um , somebody said was you look emo . And immediately it got in my head .
And then I went to dye my hair my natural color and I was like , oh , everybody's gonna think I'm emo now , like they're all gonna like think I'm like crazy and I want to die . And then I come to school and like literally two people noticed I dyed my hair like like you put yourself under such a spotlight that you're not even really in .
You put yourself under that and you know . It's a pride thing , honestly , when you think about it , because you're lifting yourself up while tearing yourself down , because you're so focused on you that you're building yourself this pedestal that if you don't meet , then you feel like you're nothing .
Absolutely . I totally agree with that part , especially about the pride . And you'll rip yourself apart by doing that , because you'll just constantly , constantly compare yourself and it'll destroy you . Just constantly , constantly compare yourself and it'll destroy you . That's another thing is you constantly have to have somebody look at you is what it also will cause .
You have to have somebody to notice you , otherwise you don't feel like you're doing enough . Or some people are just like absolutely crazy
¶ Permanent Features and Daily Impact
about that and are just attention freaks and have to have it . They like can't survive without it and they overreact . You know , not getting your way .
this is what some people be called to do I know I definitely sometimes like , if I'm not getting enough attention , like it'll definitely wear on me , and I'm like guys , I still exist too , like hi guys yeah , I get that way sometimes where , uh , I just feel like nobody cares about me and it's just me trying to lie to myself , to make myself feel like a
piece of crap .
So somebody will notice me just because I want that attention yeah , well , I know certain people .
I'm very loud , not talk a lot , but I know people who are explicitly loud and just very bossy and just like overly want somebody to notice them , even if it's bad attention .
Like I've noticed that a lot in girls who don't have a father figure growing up is you always want someone to fill that need for that attention and then , even if it's bad attention , you're still like it's attention . So a win is a win and you know that'll really tear you down a lot more than you think it would .
So when it comes into that , you know you have coping skills and there are healthy coping skills and there are unhealthy coping skills and then there's that kind of middle ground that this could be healthy and then it could turn into something very unhealthy , like naps .
I love naps , but sometimes I will just sleep and sleep and sleep so I don't have to feel anything .
And one of the most common unhealthy ones I would would say about guys , which is what I said before is uh just holding everything in and uh blaming yourself , uh just constantly not wanting to talk to people , not wanting to talk about how you're feeling truly on the inside . You know , and um , it's hard .
It's hard to uh let in in today's society , especially because all that men have been really told to do
¶ Mental Health Consequences
nowadays is just shut up and get over it . You know Boys aren't supposed to cry . I know that girls talk to each other .
I'm pretty sure I mean , I don't really know- Well , I personally , like some girls do , and then like I feel like every girl has their one person that they just go and talk to about things , um , like my person recently left , so I feel alone , um , but like on the unhealthy notice , like I used to starve myself because , like I wanted to lose weight and
starvation was just like the easiest way to like just lose the weight and then , obviously , you know , physical harm has a range , um , you know whether it's to yourself or to others .
I know my sister used to get very angry and take her own insecurities out on other people , whether it was she made a girl's teeth go through her lips at one point , like she was just very aggressive because she didn't like herself . So she made it reflect onto other people .
And you know , like you said , the um avoidance behavior , you know not wanting to be around people , and that can lead into , like when you're alone , that negative self-talk when you're just like I'm nothing see , and uh also with the uh holding everything in and blaming yourself and just a constant appearance .
That's another thing about exercising . It does certainly uh come to a point sometimes with some people with like a body body dysmorphia or like you just constantly look at everybody else in that gym and you say I'm not them , and that also more insecurities can sprout from that .
But you have to look at yourself and say , well , I haven't been going here but like a month or two , which is another hard thing that guys struggle with yeah , well , I like I can go into the gym and see like those really buff guys and you know they look super intimidating .
But once you talk to them they're like I've been going here for you know 10 years and it's like , well , no wonder you're built like that . I've been going to the gym for like all of three weeks and I have seen nothing . Um , but you know , with that um also just being alone .
Being alone has been known to let into substance abuse , whether it's drugs or alcohol , and a lot of people don't think that teenagers ever experience that . But teenagers are one of the most high dealing um drug like buyers and alcohol consumers , um .
And then you bring in the fact that they prescribe adderall which , when you actually break it down , is basically methamphetamines for children . Um , is basically methamphetamines for children . It's very like , if you take back and look at the drug epidemic , it affects very , very young kids .
At a school near us there was a third grader caught with a bag of cocaine in his backpack A third grader pack a third grader .
We've talked about , uh , you know , just insecurities and unhealthy coping skills . Uh , I think we need to go over some more healthy ones . Like , uh , you know , especially guys . You just got to reach out and talk to people . Uh , socializing , which is really hard sometimes , especially in public .
Like just uh , people don't want to go up to each other and make friends anymore and it's hard . I feel like we lose that once we start to get a little bit older and get out of our teenage years . We just don't know how to talk to each other anymore . We should normalize that more .
Wouldn't you agree ? I know , even now , the only time that anyone ever comes up to me in social media or anyone anytime anyone ever comes out to me in public , like if it's a guy , they're like you're fine , do you have snap ? No , but like very rarely do girls ever come up to me . Like
¶ Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
my favorite thing is to go up and just compliment people in public because you see the smile on their face , like that should be a whole like thing that people do is just compliment each other because you don't realize , like , how much it really makes someone's day for a complete stranger .
Just take five seconds out of their day to , you know , tell them their hair looks nice . You know , someone could be having the worst day of their lives and you could very simply be like , oh my god , your hair looks so pretty and that just changed their whole mood and brightened their whole day .
Um , I know , like my my skills that I try to keep very frequent is reading , whether it's the Bible or just an overall good book , and then seeking support within my built family , the family that I've built for myself , people that will pray for me and that will fight for me , and just people that will pray for me and that will fight for me and just like
people that I trust . So now we've overwent some healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms . Now let's kind of like bring bible verses to kind of build on and lean on whenever we are feeling insecure okay , I've got uh some myself .
Uh got this one right here . Ephesians 1 , 4 through 6, . Even before he made the world , god loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy , without fault in his eyes . God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ . And also 1 Samuel , 16 , verse 7, .
But the Lord said to Samuel Don't judge by his appearance or height , for I have rejected him . The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them . People judge by outward appearance , but the Lord looks at the heart .
Those are both very good . I have my personal favorite that is actually written on my mirror and it's Songs of Solomon , 4-7 , which says you are altogether beautiful , my darling , beautiful in every way . And then I do believe this is Psalms . It says you made all the delicate inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's wombs .
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex . Your workmanship is marvelous . How well I know it . And those verses are just really good to stand on and be like you know .
God created me and God judges me for who I am , not how .
I look Absolutely . I love the first time you won , though Me too , so that was really fun . I really enjoyed being able to stay here and take the time to do that with you .
Absolutely . It was great . It was kind of awkward at first , but eventually we warmed up to it . We're going to have to come back and do this again .
Most definitely . We're definitely going to have to do some more episodes , but just to take a second to speak to those listening . You know you specifically . We appreciate you taking the time out of your day to listen to a couple of kids talk about some random things . We really appreciate you just listening and we'd really appreciate if you came back .
You know , if you'd like to leave us a review and leave us a message for us to read , just let us know what you think about it and , you know , share it with your friends or family .
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Well , that's all for this episode . Thank you so much for listening , and please be sure to join me next time . I'm Elena .
And I'm William .
And this is Till the Wheels Fall Off .
Catch you in the plow dirt .
Bye buddy , I hope you find your dad .