We always talk about romantic breakups; it is the subject of songs, poems, and movies. But despite the importance of friendships in our lives, the breaking up of platonic relationships is rarely discussed - much less does it ever become the reason for someone to see a relationship therapist. Yet, the lack of closure in a separation between friends can lead one to harbor resentment, which can - according to licensed clinician Juan Santos - restrict us from letting ourselves live life to its fulle...
Dec 01, 2020•52 min•Ep. 120
Once a person recognizes codependent patterns in their relationships, the next important step is to learn how to overcome them. Our friendships can be a source of good modeling and influence our journey through healing codependency in our lives. My friend, Corey Costanzo, is one such friend who encourages my positivity in the world. He is a licensed addictions counselor, bodywork therapist, and somatic experiencing practitioner who owns Still Point Wellness, the premier Esalen Massage and Salt W...
Nov 24, 2020•55 min•Ep. 119
Our country is rife with political conversations that tend to divide people. These exchanges can become more challenging when political differences occur in families and close relationships, where a divergence of ideals can strain connection. When the writer, teacher, and food activist Lee Warren recently witnessed one of her peers using aggressive language towards people of the other political spectrum, the experience spurred her to write Can We Love Our Political Enemies?, a piece where she cu...
Nov 17, 2020•51 min•Ep. 118
Kelley Johnson, Ph.D., is a professional sexologist. She is a passionate sex educator who provides comprehensive sex education to private and charter schools, as well as small groups. In her work as a sexologist, Kelley guides couples and individuals in resolving sexual issues through non-medical modalities that work within their value system. As a young person, Kelley was profoundly fascinated by human sexuality, so much so that her high school peers sought her for information and education on ...
Nov 10, 2020•48 min•Ep. 117
Dr. Chris Mulchay is an ADHD expert and licensed psychologist in North Carolina and Hawaii. Chris is a kind, down-to-earth colleague and officemate with whom I enjoy having great conversations. His practice focuses on assessing ADHD, learning disorders, and custodial evaluations and is dedicated to making evaluations engaging, thoughtful, and efficient. In addition to his practice, Chris also serves as president for the Western North Carolina Psychological Association and is a board member of th...
Nov 03, 2020•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 116
It’s natural for us to want to care for the people we love and make them happy. Many of us are also naturally compassionate and find fulfillment in altruistic endeavors. But there is a fine line between being selfless and being a people-pleaser. It’s essential that we discern whether our proclivities towards catering to others’ needs come from an authentic desire to help or from a place of fear and insecurity. In this episode, I discuss the vital role of compassion in realizing our tendency to b...
Oct 27, 2020•38 min•Ep. 115
Codependency is rather insidious: though many people are familiar with the term, they don’t know how it manifests in families and impacts relationships. Awareness, Corey Costanzo stresses, is key to healing it. Corey is a licensed addictions counselor and bodywork therapist, somatic experiencing practitioner, a master didgeridoo player, and a good friend of mine. Together with his wife, Robin, Corey co-owns Still Point Wellness , a premier Esalen Massage and Salt Water Floatation spa in Ashevill...
Oct 20, 2020•49 min•Ep. 114
Benjamin Haynes is a wonderful example of today’s young generation. He is a meditator, yogi, and evangelizer of “authentic relating.” I was impressed by his presence, groundedness, and the intentional manner in which he spoke when we met about a year ago. After graduating from UNC-Chapel Hill and teaching in Malaysia under a Fulbright grant, Benjamin recently joined Authentic Relating Training, an organization dedicated to the practice and production of authentic relating programs. In today’s ep...
Oct 13, 2020•48 min•Ep. 113
Adley Gartenstein is the former president and co-owner of Film Movement, a distributor of independent, award-winning films from around the world. Over the last two decades, Adley has been a counselor, trainer, and workshop leader in the co-counseling community. My friendship with Adley goes back to 25 years ago when we met at the Esalen Institute. Since then, we’ve formed a friendship so profound that he has become the godfather of my son, Zander. In this episode, Adley and I discuss his journey...
Oct 06, 2020•41 min•Ep. 112
Questions about the meaning of trust and how couples can establish it in their relationships frequently come up in my practice as a couples counselor. Trust is a cornerstone of long-term relationships. My wife, Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky, is a fashion designer, artist, and owner of the Artsy Goddess Studio. In the 25 years I have shared with her, trust - in each other, and ourselves as individuals - has carried us through better or worse. Part of Rainbow’s mission is to help heal ourselves and the...
Sep 29, 2020•56 min•Ep. 111
We all have needs. We all have different ways we want our partners to treat us. But sometimes, when we express our needs and wants, it comes out as biting or accusatory, even if we didn’t mean for it to. And instead of getting what we wanted, we are met with defensiveness, if not blame. We can’t control how others receive us, but we can always control how we express our needs to our partners. It falls to us to be open to learning how we can better identify our needs and properly communicate them...
Sep 22, 2020•31 min•Ep. 110
Life isn’t fair. So, it’s only natural for us to want things to be just. We do our best to create fairness in different areas of our lives: in the economy, in opportunity, and even in our relationships. In our shared life with our partners, we want things to be 50/50, to be equitable. I am a staunch advocate of cultivating balance, but seeking fairness in relationships is different, and attachment to the idea can negatively impact a couple and their connection. In this episode, I explore why we ...
Sep 15, 2020•36 min•Ep. 109
A lot of people are in tremendous stress as a result of the global pandemic. Some people find themselves falling back to some old behavior patterns that they thought they had already let go. This is what’s called regression: a defensive mechanism for coping with stress. It’s a common phenomenon many of us experience unconsciously. Corey Costanzo - a licensed addictions counselor and good friend of mine - believes that a significant part of managing our regressive responses to stress is mindfulne...
Sep 08, 2020•50 min•Ep. 108
Laura Morton has been in the entertainment industry for more than 25 years as a writer, producer, and entrepreneur. She has written over 40 books, 19 of which have become New York Times bestsellers, including The Truth Is…: My Life in Love and Music , an autobiography she co-authored with Melissa Etheridge. Today, Laura is on a mission to bring anxiety out of the darkness and help normalize it: a mission she carries through writing and producing Anxious Nation , a forthcoming feature documentary...
Sep 01, 2020•51 min•Ep. 107
When something is enduring and permanent, we can often take it for granted. This happens in long-term relationships, too, and when we take it for granted, we assume it will take care of itself. We go full-on autopilot in our relationship, abandoning all semblance of control, and think that by the end of it all, our partners will still be there. There are so many ways that we put our relationship on autopilot - some of them we’re not even aware of until it’s too late. Today, I explore the differe...
Aug 25, 2020•34 min•Ep. 106
Many people from the older generation, or even from my generation, think of younger people in a negative light. They accuse millennials of being lazy, entitled, or disengaged from life - but that’s not at all my experience with them, and it’s not Zander’s experience with his diligent peers, either. My son, Zander Teplitsky, is turning 24, and is spending the summer at home, on break from his studies at Maastricht University in Maastricht, Netherlands, where he is pursuing a degree in science wit...
Aug 18, 2020•1 hr•Ep. 105
Gregg Levoy is a lecturer and seminar leader in the areas of business, education, and human potential. As a speaker, Gregg has delivered workshops and keynotes for organizations such as Microsoft and the Smithsonian. He is an eloquent writer whose books, Vital Signs: Discovering and Sustaining Your Passion for Life and Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life , reflect his mission of helping people find and sustain their passions in life and has been rated among the Workforce Informatio...
Aug 11, 2020•45 min•Ep. 104
Cathy Courtenay is a Conscious Relating Coach who brings her heart and listening skills to everything that she does, whether it’s dance or Body-Mind Centering. She is a true gift to the relational world, and through leading the Art of Circling, Cathy cultivates a safe space for people where they can stand in their truth and experience what is real for them. Responding to life’s call to find truth, Cathy is committed to a mission of helping uplift humanity and develop profound compassion and empa...
Aug 04, 2020•56 min•Ep. 103
Trusting employees is crucial to the growth of a company. Whether you’re leading a Fortune 500 company or a three-person podcast production company that operates remotely, you need to foster good relations by giving employees autonomy and freedom. That’s the wisdom of Kate Astrakhan, an audio engineer and technical podcast producer. She is the founder of Podcast Network Solutions , a podcast post-production company that testifies her love of storytelling and audio broadcast. Through her company,...
Jul 28, 2020•48 min•Ep. 102
So often, couples come into my office wanting to change their partner. They highlight how their partner is doing ‘this’ and not enough of ‘that,’ as if they’re returning a defective item and want a refund. Yet, so rarely does change in our partners happen when they’re forced or nagged to do it - at the very least, they’ll only feel forced, controlled, and disrespected. And in trying to change our partners, we forget one fundamental thing: that change must start from within. In this episode, I di...
Jul 21, 2020•44 min•Ep. 101
If a relationship is a garden, what is the number one thing you could do to make it thrive? You might think it’s sex, but the number one relationship booster is appreciation. Appreciation is the most potent tool couples can use to cultivate their relationship with each other, their friends, and their family. My 25-year-long relationship with my wife, Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky, has grown through mindfully and intently expressing our appreciation. Rainbow is a brilliant artist, designer, and founde...
Jul 14, 2020•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 100
Many of us maintain daily practices. They bring us to a state of a balanced and stable mind. For some, that practice is yoga or meditation, while for others, it could be writing morning pages or creating art. For Corey Costanzo, it’s doing didgeridoo meditation sessions. Corey - a colleague and long-time friend of mine - is a master didgeridooist who has been playing the instrument for over 20 years. For over 100 days since the COVID-19 pandemic started, Corey has been hosting 20-minute didgerid...
Jul 07, 2020•54 min•Ep. 99
It’s a question I’ve encountered in my practice so many times: is love a feeling or an action? Is it both or more of one than the other? If love is a feeling, is it possible to feel it without taking actions that reflect it? If love is a choice, how do we choose to love our partners, friends, and family over many years of challenges? These are all profound and important questions, for they reflect how we show up in our relationships. In this episode, I discuss whether love is a choice or a feeli...
Jun 30, 2020•31 min•Ep. 98
“It is better to give than to receive.” That’s an adage we’ve all been taught. While giving is indeed a gracious act, we’re not taught how to receive it - which is equally noble. To fully experience, appreciate, and receive kindness is a gift we give back to the giver. Yet, we sometimes struggle to accept gestures of kindness and, in this struggle, we even think that we’re not worthy of generosity. But no matter who you are, where you’re from, or what you did, you are worthy of receiving kindnes...
Jun 23, 2020•30 min•Ep. 97
An apology, meaningfully and thoughtfully given, transforms. It transforms us, empowering us to take ownership of our actions and behavior. It transforms relationships between couples, paving the way for love and intimacy. It transforms relationships between peoples, giving them the courage to take responsibility for the past and standing up for racial equality and justice. These are lessons I keep learning in the life I share with my wife, Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky. Rainbow is an artist, fashion...
Jun 16, 2020•50 min•Ep. 96
It is a heavy time in America. Viruses are taking the nation by storm - and not just the ones that cause disease. I was young when the Detroit riots in 1967 broke out. Some 50 years later, we still have the same issues: African-Americans are still being oppressed and assaulted by police. Racism is a prevalent issue that all of us need to discuss and resolve. We need to step up our game in addressing the racial prejudice deeply ingrained and institutionalized in our society. For white people, a p...
Jun 09, 2020•49 min•Ep. 95
In cultivating a loving relationship, practicing self-care as individuals is as essential as co-creating the relationship itself as a couple. The journey to our inner individual worlds helps us maintain a healthy sense of self that will spring the wellbeing we can bring to our relationship. My wife, Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky, is a self-care inspiration. She is a fashion designer, artist, and the founder and owner of the Artsy Goddess Studio . As a creative, Rainbow’s artistry not only manifests i...
Jun 02, 2020•58 min•Ep. 94
When your partner asks you about what you’re feeling, what’s your typical response? Do you attempt to change the subject or joke around? Freeze for a while? Or maybe start blaming your partner? Everyone can find it challenging to open up their inner world of emotions - but a lot of men find it particularly difficult to do. It’s understandable why the topic of emotions and feelings can be puzzling for men. Yet, emotional honesty is a crucial aspect of cultivating intimacy, connection, and trust i...
May 26, 2020•37 min•Ep. 93
If there’s another big contagion going around, it’s blame. Its infectious nature is so profound that it goes back and forth between a couple, trapping them in a cycle of criticism, pain, and disempowerment. No one wins in a relationship that plays the blame game - it has no positive impact on any of the parties involved. It’s sometimes difficult for people to see themselves tethered with the chains of blame, but to be able to co-create a relationship, one must rise to the challenge of letting go...
May 19, 2020•32 min•Ep. 92
Many people are well-acquainted with the power of intention to manifest their projects, their desires, even their businesses. But intent could be also be taken into our relationships and used to transform us into better individuals, partners, and human beings. At the beginning of our relationship, my wife, Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky, and I set the tone of our life together by creating our foundations through intent. Rainbow is the founder and owner of the Artsy Goddess Studio . A brilliant artist ...
May 12, 2020•47 min•Ep. 91
