Hey, hey, hey, I'm back back with something for you.
To think about.
When he or she, when they are obsessive, possessive, and controlling. Let me say it again, When who you're with that individual that you think you love so much, when they are obsessive, possessive, and controlling, you.
Got a problem.
You have a problem. I wanted to talk about this. I've done plenty of episodes talking about abusive relationships. You can go and check them out, but I wanted to break this down specifically because there are so many people who are in toxic relationships. Toxic relationships are unhealthy relationships, and plenty of people are in them.
It is not love. It is not love. It is not the way to love.
People who are obsessive, possessive, and controlling have many unresolved inner issues surrounding pain and hurt.
Where it comes from, I don't know, but I know for a fact.
That they have unresolved issues that are affecting them so bad. It has affected them mentally. It has led to many insecurities. It has led them to not be able to love themselves. A person who love his or herself will not treat others that way. People who are immature, don't love themselves, don't know anything about love because they have not been able to love themselves. They have not gotten to that
level of understanding that loving yourself is a must. It's a necessity to maneuver through life in a healthy way.
It is necessary.
So a lot of people don't understand when they get into relationships.
They get into relationships based on sex.
They get into relationships based on looks, based on possessions and other things, money, titles, positions, All of that stuff is superficial. I just completed my book and I'm talking about a lot of this in my book. I'll talk to you more about that later. But when people are that way and then you get in a relationship with them and they do little things.
Some people are so angry they do it outright.
They'll curse you outright, call you out your name or whatever, outright.
They don't try to be subtle about it.
But others who try to pretend that they're one way, but they know they are another. They will shuck and jive you, meaning they will play games because they want you to think that they are so loving and caring when they are really obsessive, possessive, and controlling.
It's the truth. It is not love and it is not the way to love.
When you are in a relationship, when a person show you who they are.
Believe it.
That's the best, I mean, the absolutely best advice.
Anybody could have ever given.
Now, I don't know if Angela Malu made that up.
I don't know.
I don't know if that's her saying or if she heard someone else said. I don't know, but that's the best thing, I mean, great advice. When a person show you who they.
Are, believe it.
The reason people can't accept it or don't believe it, or they reject it is because of who they are self. You can't receive it because of who you are. You deny it because of who you are. You reject it because of who you are. You want things to be the way you want them, based on your feelings, your wants, your needs that you.
Have believed them to be. It's what you believe them to be.
But people don't even really understand at all that a need is different than a want.
And most of what they want when they're.
Immature and have not developmentally, it's not what they need.
Now what you need, you.
May not want it It depends on the mindset that you're in.
Or that you have.
A lot of people don't understand that. You can't see all the things that you want. You just got to have you desire, you have. All these emotions and feelings about.
Are no good for you. The people are no good for you.
But when you have not grown mentally, you may have gotten older in age, but you have not developed mentally, meaning you have not matured, you don't understand that, and you're always.
Choosing against your very own best interest.
So when you see a person who's trying to dictate to you what you can and can't do, who you can be around, what you can wear, what you can do, where you can.
Go, that is not love. Stop thinking, Oh.
He just loved me so much, he is so protective, or she just loved me so much, she's so protective.
Boo boo. That is a sign a red flag.
When a person trying to tell you or dictate to you what you should do, what you must do, what you know, it's not love. It's not love. A lot of people are being fooled because they want what they want when they want it. They don't care what they just want what they want and they're overlooking all love, the signs and red flags right there in their face.
They're overlooking everything because they want what they want and they're basing it on their own feelings, wants and desires, and not on reality, not on what's happening right there in their face.
So you ignore these things.
Because you think, oh, he loves me so much, he's just so caring.
No, that is.
His or her move towards being possessive and controlling and obsessive. See, they start off doing those things. The next thing you know, you're isolated from your friends and your family.
They don't want you to go over there.
They don't want you to spend time, they don't want them coming over.
And see, when you fall for that.
Crap, you continue to give up your power. You don't realize it, but they know it. Because abusive people are very manipulative. They like to play games, and they lie and they deceive, and they do things in flattering ways, very flattering ways. They say things to you to make you feel good. They don't mean it. They don't mean it. They will give you those manibolets and nuggets just enough to keep you where they want you.
And the next thing.
You know, before you realize what is happening, you are in a very toxic relationship, feeling trapped.
Now you're in this relationship, you've given up your power.
See, the more power you give to him or her, the weaker you become, and they become more powerful.
You become.
Weaker, and they become more powerful because you have given them. You really gish your power to them, so they will do whatever they want to do because you have given them the power to do so. Now you're weak and you're afraid, you're feeling trapped.
But you are the one.
Who created that in your life. See, that person was already a monster, you just didn't know it.
You bring it into your life when you allow it in.
You create that muster in your life. You of free will because you thought it was love. You thought he was who you wanted or she was who you wanted. But you didn't understand that they were a monster, and you were creating that muster into your life. That's what people do, That's what we humans do. We are the creators in our lives. We are the one who create the monsters in our lives. And sometimes those musters are our own children, They are our siblings, our parents, friends
and other people. Because whatever power you give is the power that will be taken.
It's a fact. It is the truth. And I know the truth hurts, but it is the truth.
So when you allow people to come into your life.
And do whatever.
You put them in that position, they gonna play the role that you gave them. Point blank, it is you who give up your power. So when when when people tell you you can't do this, you can't a grown person, another adult tell you what you care that can't do because that's who you're seeing, or you'll know you're dating that person and you think it's cute.
I promise you the saying is true. What makes you cry, I mean, I'm sorry, let me get it right. What makes you laugh.
Will be the same thing that makes you cry later. Guarantee. Promise you could take that check and deposit it. The very thing that you would just keep kidding.
And oh you were so happy.
Oh he's so sweet, Oh she's so sweet. The very thing that made you laugh will make you cry when it's wrong, when it's not right, when it's done the wrong way. I promise you you can mark it on the calendar. Baby, it is going to make you cry later. So I'm just saying those people who's trying to tell you, who's trying to tell you what to do, and all of this stuff, you better be very, very leary and careful because, as I said, the more power you give is the more power you lose.
You become weaker as they be come strong.
Now, in reality, they are weaker than you, but you have empowered.
Them so much that they uphear strong.
I'm teaching you something here today, whether you receive it or not, it's the truth. People are in your life who you have allowed them to be, they will treat you exactly how you have taught them. When a person is always I mean don't want you to breathe. I mean, it's great being with who you want to be with or who you are, you know, who you think you love. It's wonderful to spend time, but you know, sometimes you just need to breathe. You just I mean, some people
are smothering. You can't turn left because they're there. You can't go to the bathroom. They want to sit on the edge of the tub while you poops.
I mean that's overboard or everywhere you go they pop up.
That is sign signs signs and red flags. Signs of red flags are not the same. I want you to think about that. Everywhere you go they pop up. First of all, they're tracking you some kind of way, so you have to be leary of that. Or they're always accusing you of something. That's because they know who they are as a person, they know the things they've done. Abusive people all these things, and cheaters do these things as well, but we're talking about abusive people. Although cheaters
can be abusive, but we're talking about abusive people. They got all kind of tricks, all kind.
Of tricks in the bag for you.
And if you're not in the right mindset yourself, because an abusive person is also a broken and immature person. And if you're broken, you won't see what you need to be able to see. Most people are immature, but they think they are mature, but they are immature, and they don't love themselves. I've told you plenty of times, just look at who you allow into your life and what.
You allow into your life, how you.
Allow people to treat you. That's gonna tell you what you need to know about yourself. If you let people treat you any kind of way, that's letting you know you still have some inside work that you need to do. Significant others will treat you, I mean mad, mad, you hear me, They will treat you mad, junkyard dog bad.
Because you allow it. You fall for the oakie door.
You are bamboozled because you allow your unhealed hearts and minds to lead you into bad situations with bad people, and you miss all the signs in red flags, which, by the way, are always there in every situation. We have red flags and signs in every situation, and not to mention your own intuition, but people will ignore it all to people who they think they want to be with until they realize, uh uh, I'm in a bad situation.
It's scary. I'm fearful. People are living it right now as I speak.
You're in your relationships, afraid to leave, afraid to stay. But it is you who open the door to it. I've talked about this where people say no one asks for abuse, no one asked for it.
Lies from the pillar hill. Lies.
You signed up for it. If you allowed it in your life, you signed up for it. Don't tell me that you didn't see the signs of red flag. Hey, that falls on you. It falls on you, and if you didn't see them, you have to check yourself to figure out why something is disconnected within you that made you miss the signs of red flags of an abusive paper, an abusive person. I mean, I've told you I admitted when I was young. You know, I was eighteen. I
didn't know anything. I didn't know left from right. But I still did it. I saw the signs, I saw the red flags. But guess what I did went on and did it. I went on and did it. Worst thing that I could have ever done.
Best thing out of it.
Kids and grandkids, even though I done went through some traumatic stuff with one of them anyway, is still so you could still get good out of a bad situation. But the point is I saw the tendencies. I saw them. I remember vividly that I saw them, But because they were.
Not directed at me, I thought I was safe. But little did I know.
And my children are good and grown and they have no clue what their mom went through. You know, I don't need to share it with them. I got out of it with my life safely. There's a lot of people who don't. There are many people who don't So you have to see beyond the superficial.
You have to see beyond.
Your feelings and your wants and your desires and your emotions. You have to see beyond the fluff, the lies, the manipulation.
The first sign run run fast and far. Stop meeting people and bringing them.
To your house. Stop meeting people and telling them where you live, and all of this craft. I mean, if you should uber yourself to a first date or something, so they don't even have no idea what car your driver or nothing, parks somehere far away. Seriously, people are unhinged. People are toxic. People are ticking time bombs, waiting for the last straw, just waiting, no self control. So you have to be careful who you allow into your life. I don't care how cute his smile is, those pearly whites.
I don't care how pretty she is, how fine she is, or how fine. None of that matters. Do you not understand? None of that matters. None of that says they are a good person. The most beautiful looking person in the world can be the most evil. Some of them are the most evil. Stop basing things on looks and what people have and money and success and fame and all of that crap. Haven't you saw? Havn't you seen? Don't you realize some of the richest people are the most broken. Duh,
open your eyes. No, seriously, too much evidence for you not to be able to see. But again, I do understand that when people are broken themselves, it's hard to see the truth. But I'm trying to tell you little things that you can look out for. When a person want, you know, want you to dress how they want you to dress.
It's not cute.
It's not because I want you to dress up for me, baby, I want you to look good for me.
No.
First of all, you look good for yourself. Because you may wear something that they don't like, you have to look good for you. As long as you are dressing appropriately, you look.
Good for you.
If they didn't like it, hey, they don't have to. They didn't buy it. That's just my belief. You believe how you want to. But I do know if you let him or her control what you're wearing. Now, if you are a person who don't know how to dress you around, there are some people who just mm, You're like, uh no, You're not going anywhere with me dressing like that boo boo. So there are people who food don't know how to dress, and you might have to help
them that area. But I'm talking about a possessive, obsessive, controlling person who's trying to tell you what to wear. It's not love and it's not cute when a person tell you let me see your phone, or they want a snoop or.
Let me smell you. I mean, it's all kind of stuff that they do.
If you let them get away with it, they're gonna come back and it's gonna happen again. It's gonna happen again and again and again until you've lost all control because you let them get away with.
It the first time. You let them get away with it the first time.
When you're talking to a person and if they talk rough to you, are cursing you out when they're talking, I mean you better. You better step on the gas. You better step on the gas. I mean fast, I don't care what else, what excuse you have to make to get out, make one and never look back. Nip it in the bud before it grows. Let me say that again, Nip it in the bud before it grows. Because if you don't. I promise you. I promise you.
It will grow. It will grow, it will intensify, it would magnify, and the next thing you know, you're in an abusive relationship with an abusive individual. Obsessive, possessive, and controlling. Has nothing at all to do with love.
Nothing.
I want to share with you a poem that I wrote. It's called a Voice from the Grave, and it is copyright. Most people would look for love high and low, yet without self love, real love, they'll never know.
The guy I thought I loved was a very violent man.
His last attack on me, my body couldn't withstand, and during his abusive ways, I stayed far too long. As I became much weaker, he became very strong. He came home angry, telling me not to scream or shout. I was punched, choked, and even knocked out. After regaining consciousness, I begged for my life, ignoring my place. He pulled out a big knife, sticking and slicing as I fell with a PLoP, blood pouring everywhere, as if never to stop. Out of all the beatings, this was the worst attack.
I should have left long ago, never looking back. The embulence came from me on that day. Sadly, the paramedics called me in as da. I kept silent about the hell I had been going through. Leave abusive relationships before it happens to you. Friends and families were sad as they gathered in dismay, upset, and in disbelief that my life had ended this way. Abuse is something that no one should ever tolerate. Get out at the first sign. Later may be too late. Don't be blind to love.
Adhere to the signs that you see. It could literally be the death of you. Just look at me again. This is a poem I wrote. It's called a Voice from the Grave. And let me tell you. This poem is talking about a woman that died in her abusive relationships. But we all know that women do it to men too. You don't hear about it as much, but it does happen. It does not matter who. All it matters is don't let it be you. Don't let it be you. Get out at the first signs. Do not marry, Do not
go deeper into relationships. Get out at the first sign. I don't care, little inkling, get out. They talk to you sideways. Go, I'm telling you, because it will only get worse if you don't nip it in the bud. What happens when you don't, you know, snip snip at these these flowers to prune them and all of that stuff they grow, right, same thing you don't nip it in the bud, it grows period. So I hope you have enjoyed this episode. Please please share, because we are
living wicked, wicked times, evil darkness. But God is still on the throne, no matter what it looks like, no matter how it feels, God is still.
On the throne. You have to open your eyes.
You have to stop being a prisoner to your own mindset because, like I've told you several times, the enemy maybe on the outside, but the worst enemy against you is within. It's your own mindset, hands down, because how you think fuse how you feel, and that fuels your actions.
So when you're of.
An unhealthy mindset, you're gonna make bad choices and decisions that are against your best interests. Anyone who wants to reach out to me, if you have a question or a concern, please go to my podcast. It will have my email. I will respond. Okay, So thank you again. Room. We're much love to each and every one of you. I hope you'll bless your families are blessed.
Wake Up.
Love is never, ever, ever, ever abusive. Ever. Sometimes we get upset about certain things, but love has never abusive. In every episode the same, And I hope and I pray you do it, think on it,